- 9 months ago
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FunTranscript
00:00Someone did send us
00:08what they believe
00:09is the back of your Jeep
00:10that they were following
00:11you the other day
00:12with a license plate
00:13Bubble Guts.
00:14It's not bad.
00:17Bubble Guts.
00:18I mean, new plate ideas.
00:21Bubble Guts.
00:23Oh, man.
00:23No, that's Jason.
00:25That is.
00:27Uh-oh.
00:27Oh, yeah.
00:28Oh, no.
00:28It's been a couple days.
00:30Yikes, I don't need to know.
00:31How much do you want to know?
00:32Is it all the candy?
00:33All the candy.
00:34It's candy on top of something, man.
00:36I made a horrible,
00:37horrible food choice
00:38over the weekend.
00:40Yeah.
00:40But you're still piling the candy.
00:43It's been.
00:44That's why I said, man,
00:45it's not just my alarm.
00:47There's things happening inside me
00:48that shouldn't be happening.
00:49Oh, Lord.
00:50You want to know the food choice?
00:51No.
00:51Yes.
00:53So Jesse took the kids
00:54to her sister's.
00:55So I'm like, I'm alone.
00:57I got to get something.
00:58Got to live it up.
00:59Good.
01:00And I got this cheeseburger.
01:02Yep.
01:03Okay.
01:04But topped with onion rings
01:05and topped with cheese sticks
01:07and jalapenos
01:08and then Cajun fries on the side.
01:11Oh, my.
01:11And I ate the whole thing.
01:13You maniac.
01:13By the end of the night,
01:16I was in the fetal position
01:17on the couch like,
01:19Jesse's like,
01:22are you sick?
01:22I'm like, I don't know.
01:23I don't know if I'm going to be okay.
01:25He went from like eating
01:27complete health food.
01:30Just go into that.
01:31It's a gut bomb.
01:32Onion rings.
01:32That is.
01:33Mozzarella sticks.
01:36Jalapenos.
01:37Yeah.
01:37And he knew.
01:38He knew when I walked in.
01:39He's like,
01:40this man is on a mission.
01:41You hungry, bro?
01:43You hungry?
01:44I got something to fill you up.
01:46I'm like, give it to me.
01:48Give me the biggest thing you got.
01:49That's really inappropriate.
01:54Pause, pause, pause, pause.
01:56Let me know.
01:56Pause, pause.
01:58Yeah.
01:58I got something to fill you up.
02:00Give it to me.
02:00Give me everything you got.
02:02Give me every inch.
02:05Even knowing what that burger did to him,
02:07I want to try it.
02:08Oh, of course.
02:09I'll send you to it.
02:10I'm sure it wasn't delicious.
02:11Well, it had to be delicious because.
02:12Yeah.
02:13I told Jesse,
02:14you can't.
02:15Like, if you have one job in this marriage,
02:18you can't let me eat this again.
02:20No.
02:21With everything you have.
02:21She left and left you alone.
02:23I know.
02:24That's a dangerous thing for wives
02:26to leave their husbands alone.
02:27Yeah, I'm sneaky.
02:28Who knows what they'll do.
02:28He's sneaky.
02:30It's like, I'm going to get it.
02:32Yeah.
02:32I couldn't even eat.
02:33I went to her sister's eat dinner
02:35and they were like,
02:35are you going to eat?
02:36We've never seen you not eat.
02:37I'm like, I had 7,000 calories two hours ago.
02:41After all that,
02:42you still would go back and get another one.
02:43He's craving it.
02:44It all depends.
02:45So you don't learn.
02:46Eventually, I'll forget the pain.
02:48Yeah.
02:49Like pregnancy.
02:50Like pregnancy.
02:51Oh my gosh.
02:52And then all of a sudden,
02:53he wants it again.
02:53It's too much fried stuff, man.
02:54Too much grease.
02:55It'll destroy you.
02:56He knew.
02:56He saw me and was like,
02:58this guy.
02:59Oh, look.
03:00He was like,
03:00look, a married man who's alone.
03:03Exactly.
03:04Yeah.
03:05What's up?
03:05Get here.
03:06I'll fill you up.
03:07You want a grease burger?
03:08I'm going to give you the grease burger.
03:09I mean, that's so much.
03:11That's bad.
03:11I don't even know what my maximum number of cheese sticks is.
03:17Like I eat probably like if I was eating my third cheese stick,
03:22I am like,
03:24I feel sick.
03:25Okay.
03:25So I went with the kids to get that Chili's triple dipper last year,
03:29right?
03:29Yeah.
03:29When it became big.
03:29Yeah.
03:30And their cheese sticks are like the size of your phone.
03:32Right.
03:33Right.
03:33I knew there's two on the plate.
03:35I'm like,
03:36I can only have one of those.
03:38Cause I couldn't have.
03:40I don't even know if I could eat a full one like that.
03:43I honestly don't.
03:45I don't.
03:46It would make the grease.
03:49No.
03:49You know,
03:50I don't know how people do it.
03:52Oh,
03:53I guess that that's not as big as I thought.
03:55We got some Chili's.
03:57It has been months since I've had these.
03:59I could watch her eat anything.
04:00Yeah.
04:01She,
04:01um,
04:01like look at the size of those things.
04:03They're like little iPhones.
04:05That's,
04:05I mean,
04:06it's so much cheese.
04:07I know,
04:07but I knew I could only have one.
04:09I couldn't eat two of them.
04:10Do you think she ate all those?
04:11No.
04:12Yeah.
04:14I wish I was that cheese stick.
04:16Jesus.
04:17God.
04:19How about bubble guts?
04:21Over there.
04:22I'll eat it.
04:23He'll eat it.
04:24But I'm getting diarrhea looking at it.
04:26Like I,
04:27I know.
04:28I can feel it.
04:28I just don't understand people don't learn from their mistakes.
04:31Like they'll make a food mistake.
04:33And then,
04:33because that happens in my house.
04:35Like I have like a running list.
04:36I'm like,
04:36you can't have that.
04:37What did you eat?
04:38Running list.
04:38Let's check the board.
04:39Let's check.
04:40You can tell Jesse,
04:41just have a running list.
04:42Running list.
04:42Well,
04:42it's like a big bowl of cereal,
04:43right?
04:44Like the lucky charms that knocked me out.
04:46Every time I go to my mom's,
04:50I'm like,
04:50I got to have another bowl.
04:52I'm pouring and shaking like this is going to be bad.
04:55Oh man.
04:56I never thought of starting a list.
04:57Like I have a few things.
04:59I know.
04:59Yes.
05:00But you still do it.
05:01You still go back to them.
05:02Like Burger King.
05:04Yes.
05:04Simulated.
05:05Bread.
05:05Onion rings.
05:06But do you have you in a long time?
05:08No.
05:08No.
05:08See,
05:09you learn.
05:09No,
05:09but you just said cheese bread about a week ago and you did have.
05:11Oh,
05:11cheese bread.
05:12I will always have.
05:13I can't not have crazy bread.
05:15I can't,
05:16I can't not have crazy bread.
05:18I'm never giving up crazy bread.
05:20It's too delicious.
05:20No matter what it does to you.
05:21I don't care.
05:22It could kill me.
05:23It is killing me.
05:24I don't care.
05:26Um,
05:27no.
05:28I know.
05:29Yeah.
05:29It's on a loop.
05:31Damn.
05:32Um,
05:33someone said,
05:33uh,
05:34reminds me of when I had 20 nuggets and half a gallon of eggnog.
05:37Oh my God.
05:38I wanted to die.
05:39Yeah.
05:40You know,
05:41you know,
05:42you can't have it as you're eating it.
05:44Yeah.
05:45Like the,
05:46the burger that I had at that,
05:48uh,
05:48cheesecake factory that,
05:49that did it.
05:50That was like a,
05:52I'll never again.
05:53Yeah.
05:54You know,
05:54in fact,
05:55it has made me say,
05:57well,
05:57if there's ever another burger like that,
05:59I'm the same.
05:59Yeah.
06:00I can't,
06:00I can't have too much.
06:01I could never,
06:01that sounds great.
06:02What Jason had,
06:03it does sound like it would taste amazing.
06:05Right.
06:06But I know it would like even the Curder burger that court tried.
06:09Right.
06:10No way.
06:10But I'm too Jason.
06:12I am like two Jason's.
06:14Okay.
06:15He finished that whole thing.
06:17I know I couldn't have eaten that whole burger.
06:19And then a whole thing of Cajun fries.
06:22Every single one.
06:23How do you eat all that?
06:24There's no way.
06:26And I'm in my head.
06:27It's like,
06:28I know you have the best metabolism.
06:30There's a voice in my head.
06:32It's like,
06:32you're a,
06:32you're bad.
06:33But you,
06:35you like that voice sometimes.
06:37You like that voice.
06:38You're bad.
06:39You're bad.
06:40I don't like it.
06:41I don't like yours.
06:42And she finds out about this,
06:44she's going to say,
06:44what's wrong with you?
06:45Yeah.
06:46You're bad.
06:47Keep eating.
06:48Yeah.
06:48Eat that whole thing.
06:50Bet you can do it.
06:52Every last fry.
06:54Yeah,
06:54man.
06:55No,
06:55my God.
06:56I throw away a lot.
06:57Look how greasy that is.
06:59Oh God.
07:00And you know,
07:00eating it,
07:01how bad it's going to be.
07:02But yet you still do.
07:03And then you came in and just ate,
07:05and you're still eating a ton of candy.
07:06I opened the bag.
07:08I had my veggie nachos with some turkey last night.
07:14You didn't have any candy today?
07:15No.
07:15That's a cleanse?
07:17Nachos?
07:17Is that why you ignored me when I came in and it was,
07:20I love the candy?
07:21Because he was like,
07:21she's not here.
07:22I'm not talking to her.
07:23I was like,
07:23I can't look at the bag.
07:24I looked through it.
07:25I ate every one of those things.
07:26You were watching your video and I was like,
07:28geez,
07:28what's wrong with him?
07:30That's it.
07:31I opened the bag.
07:32I can't be tempted by sin.
07:33If I have one piece,
07:35I will eat it for the rest of the day.
07:37Yeah.
07:37I opened it up and I started spreading them out.
07:40I'm like,
07:40oh,
07:41look at all this.
07:42He's like,
07:42the bag is closed,
07:43huh?
07:44Like it is.
07:45Leave it closed.
07:45Don't open it.
07:46He's his addictive personality.
07:48He can't help himself.
07:49No,
07:49he can't.
07:50He can't.
07:51It's hard.
07:52I guess,
07:53like a little bag of cocaine,
07:56the burger was fully consumed.
07:59You know,
07:59you don't leave any of that for tomorrow.
08:02I ended up drinking a whole gallon of apple cider and the result was more
08:06intense than prepping for a colonoscopy.
08:08A lot of fiber.
08:09Yeah.
08:09The apples,
08:10the sugar bomb and oh,
08:12I guess I've only ever really had a glass.
08:15I don't like it that much.
08:17So I only have like a glass.
08:20I have it warm.
08:20The only way I like it.
08:21Okay.
08:22Warm apple cider,
08:23but I just have a small cup like once a year.
08:26Yeah.
08:28Someone said,
08:29were you shirtless eating all this?
08:32I was in the place.
08:34Oh,
08:34you said you ate.
08:35I wanted it for here.
08:37Yeah,
08:37of course I did.
08:38There was nobody else in it either.
08:40It was just me.
08:42And then he came up and was like,
08:43did you keep making eye contact with the guy?
08:45I was looking out the window.
08:46I don't look at the register.
08:48But did he come over and he was like,
08:50saw that you finished it?
08:51And like,
08:52he saw that I was almost done.
08:53I was like,
08:53how was it?
08:53You're bad.
08:54You're bad.
08:56You're a bad boy.
08:57He came to check on me.
08:59You're very bad.
09:00And then I was like,
09:00I have to finish it now.
09:02Yeah.
09:02Right.
09:03I have to.
09:03Oh,
09:04powered through.
09:06Oh man.
09:07Well,
09:08you get,
09:08you reap what you sow,
09:10I guess.
09:11Yeah.
09:11Yeah.
09:11So I'm bubble guts.
09:12Yeah.
09:13You are like three days.
09:15Oh,
09:15it's bad.
09:16Well,
09:16now it should be reported or something.
09:20What did they do to me?
09:21Meanwhile,
09:22all our listeners want to know where it is.
09:23Of course.
09:23Yeah.
09:25Someone said,
09:26I went to Outback.
09:27They had something called the three point rib bloom,
09:29which was basically baby back ribs on top of their cheese fries,
09:34on top of their blooming onion.
09:36I mean,
09:36come on.
09:37Like,
09:37what are you asking for?
09:38Devastated him.
09:39You know,
09:39what are you asking for?
09:41Ribs on top of cheese fries on top of their blooming onion is like the
09:44worst appetizer you can order at a restaurant in America.
09:47It is that in itself.
09:48But then you put ribs and cheese fries on top of that.
09:52Yeah.
09:52That's why they're out of business.
09:54Yeah.
09:55Yeah.
09:55Well,
09:55no,
09:55they're still going.
09:56Well,
09:57close some locations.
09:58I was so close to getting a milkshake on top of it.
10:00Ooh,
10:01Jason.
10:01And after I finished,
10:03I've never seen you.
10:03But after I finished,
10:04I'm like,
10:05I should order a milkshake.
10:06And you have lactose intolerance.
10:08Sort of.
10:08So you do it yourself,
10:09you son of a bitch.
10:10That's what probably caused all this.
10:11But he loves that ice cream.
10:13I sort of do.
10:14I'm like,
10:14I should top it off with a milkshake.
10:16You had cheese sticks on top of a burger.
10:18Did you have ice cream yesterday?
10:21I did.
10:21Yeah.
10:21I told you,
10:24I went to the trader place and I got my chip which is right before.
10:28How can I feel sorry for you?
10:30You're an idiot.
10:30He was like,
10:31don't worry,
10:32I'm cleansed.
10:33Don't worry.
10:34Yeah,
10:34you did just say that.
10:35I had my turkey nachos and veggie nachos and veggie nachos.
10:38I'm a liar.
10:40He's sneaky.
10:41This is the addict.
10:43It's the addict.
10:44It's like,
10:44no,
10:45I would never do that.
10:45In his brain,
10:46he forgets.
10:48In his brain,
10:49he's cleansed.
10:49I'm like,
10:50what about the two chip which?
10:51I need a veggie nacho cleanse.
10:53Right before bed,
10:54I had a giant chip which.
10:56No wonder.
10:57That's how you were late today.
10:59Get the hell out of here.
11:00You got a new alarm clock,
11:03you lactose intolerant bastard.
11:06Oh,
11:07well.
11:09You need like 500 lactates before your meals.
11:11Oh,
11:11thank God.
11:12You really need to do it.
11:13I need to do it.
11:14Yeah,
11:14maybe a couple even.
11:15Yeah.
11:16I'm just going to make better choices.
11:17There was so much cheese on my nachos.
11:19I'm a mess,
11:19guys.
11:19That's what it is.
11:20I'm a mess.
11:21I'm a little skinny mess,
11:23you know?
11:23Yeah.
11:23Oh,
11:24man.
11:24I wish.
11:25I wish I could be that much of a mess.
11:30Yeah.
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