00:00Yes!
00:02I bet you're just some little boy stinking up his mom's basement.
00:05Well, this boy is a man who was at your mom's place last night.
00:09Came through the side door.
00:11And let me tell you, our basement tasted great.
00:15Booyah!
00:17Game set and match!
00:19You catch that verbal curb stomp, Zeke?
00:22You mean, did I catch you getting into that guy's head
00:25by telling him you tasted his mother's dookie chute?
00:29Yes, sir! How do you do it, son?
00:32Well, I hate to say it, but it all started when my dad barged into my room
00:36and changed my life with five incredible words.
00:41Son, you're a man.
00:50Now.
00:52That's right, Zeke. I'm a man.
00:54And you know how men beat little boys at online video games?
00:57Tell me, please.
00:58First, they avoid saying anything racist, homophobic, sexist, or disparaging of the less fortunate.
01:03It's a woke world.
01:04Then, they say they had sex with their mom.
01:07Time! Pack your bass guitar and your board shorts.
01:11We're jogging to Cancun.
01:13Your poppy chulo scored VIP tickets to the Aztec Jamboree.
01:19Winner gets to sacrifice the losing band's bass player atop an ancient ruin.
01:24I've always wanted to do that.
01:26Again.
01:28Watch the master at work.
01:30No can do, daddy-o. I'm a tits-deep helping my boy, Urinald, level up.
01:35Who's Urinald? A computer guy?
01:38Nope.
01:39He's you, cause you're an old geezer who can lick my boys.
01:43Ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:45Got him.
01:46Lick your son's actual balls, blood!
01:49Whoa! Ever since I called you a man, you've been a real ass age to your pappy.
01:55I might just have to dump you in the wild like I did to my first son when he started acting out.
02:00Luckily, he was a chimpanzee, so abandoning him was a lot less illegal.
02:05Really, dad? A chimp, baby?
02:07Don't believe me, eh?
02:25Chimpy!
02:26Hey, son. Taking wild guess here, but sounds like you just found out you have chimp brother your dad summoned with clay flute who may or may not challenge the notion that you're a man?
02:42Who's a strong, strong monkey?
02:44So, I'll let you deal with that.
02:47Thanks, Zeke.
02:49Son!
02:50Not now, dad!
02:51Hey, son!
02:52Get out!
02:53I love you, son!
02:55Chimpy, you're the bad!
03:00Dad? As much fun as it's been watching Chimpy shower the house with primate piss,
03:08I think it's time to return rent-a-monkey to the dick circus so you and I can log some serious grown-ass man time.
03:15Way ahead of you, son.
03:17We're whittling dope stuff out of spare chunks of wood from our home's structural beams.
03:27What the hell is that?!
03:29Your big brother paid us rent by long-arming us an albatross.
03:33Hope you like bird bacon. I'm just happy one of my sons is man enough to put food on the table.
03:39Do you want some of my gummy ones?
03:44Chimpy! What a beautiful miniature desk you've carved!
03:49Uh, that desk looks like Chimpy holding a giant spike that's killing me.
03:56It's a miniature mid-century roll-top workstation, son.
04:00Uh, Dad, that is a red flag! Chimpy might be dangerous!
04:05Chimpy is family.
04:07Just because one drop of his blood contains more man-mojo than your entire custard-filled dough body
04:15does not mean you can be a meanie to him.
04:18Plus, now that he's back, I can finally have that Gilmore girl's relationship with my child.
04:25Oh, Chimpy, you're such a Rory.
04:31Fine! I will be in my room until I can legally emancipate.
04:35Chimpy, I trust I will never see you again.
04:43Well, looky here. My two cherub babies snoozing in the warm nest of love.
04:50Chimpy, winning you from that Kansas City Zookeeper in a game of freeze tag was the best thing that ever happened to me.
04:58I love you, Chimpy.
05:01You're cool too, um...
05:05Shane?
05:07Stupid Dad making me live with this stupid monkey.
05:12Heh heh heh heh.
05:14What?
05:15Me. No. Monkey.
05:17What the hell? You can talk?
05:21Me can do much more than talk.
05:24Boy.
05:26Me Blark first, son.
05:28Me. Man.
05:30You baby boy.
05:32Weak.
05:34Tiny.
05:35You're evil.
05:36I knew it.
05:39DAAA-
05:40Shhh!
05:41You tell Blark, you die.
05:45Oh, no.
05:46Scare little boy.
05:49You know in this game, I in your head now.
05:55Uh.
06:06So, wh-what are you guys doing?
06:09Chimpy and I, are gonna go up on the roof and jump around.
06:13Cool!
06:14Before you go, could you get me a soda from the garage?
06:18It's dark in there, and because I'm little, it's scow-y.
06:23Anything for my soft-boiled boy.
06:29Hey, monkey man.
06:31I'm leaving.
06:33My dad is yours.
06:38Smart move from child, baby.
06:41Yeah, I'm thinking of, uh, moving to Kansas City.
06:46Can-sas?
06:47Yeah, got a sexy little simian waiting for me at the zoo there.
06:52Simian?
06:53Yeah, like monkey. You might know her, actually.
06:56This super old female with a white patch of fur right above her hot chimp ass.
07:02Mama?
07:04Oh, is that your mom?
07:06I didn't catch her name last time I was there.
07:08Hard to hear her while she was gagging on my banana.
07:12B-banana?
07:13Hmm.
07:14Banana look like penis?
07:18Mm-hmm.
07:19Banana mean sun penis?
07:24Uh-huh.
07:25Banana mean penis!
07:29Penis!
07:30Oh!
07:31Oh!
07:31I told you this, you're f***ing ass crazy!
07:35Where are you?
07:37This.
07:38No.
07:39Desk.
07:40No s***, Sherlock!
07:42Oh!
07:43Oh!
07:47You can thank your brother for catching a knockout dinner.
07:51Heh.
07:51You're gonna be f***ing kidding me.
07:53Can't believe this whole thing was one of your stupid lessons.
08:00Son, what better way to prove your manliness than to force you to best your Simian sibling
08:05in a deadly game of wits.
08:08So, I'm still a man, right?
08:11Mmm, he did beat you, so...
08:15Hell no!
08:16And to keep your delicate balloon body from being popped into guts, we're releasing my
08:22precious Chimpy back into the wild.
08:24Now, watch as he slowly lumbers past the treeline, turns around, and gives his poppy a coy, bittersweet
08:33look that says, I love you, father, and I...
08:37Pa aba
08:49Pa aba
08:51Pa' pa loves you, too.
08:57He's gonna kill us all, isn't he?
08:59Oh!
09:00Bird bacon's ready!
09:01Let's nosh!
09:02Come on, Shane!
09:03Bleh!
09:04Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh.
09:31Sweet.
09:34Sweet.
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