- 2 months ago
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00:00What are you up to now, Chuck?
00:01Well, the new five-hour energy holiday flavors have got me in the spirit,
00:05so I'm decorating the studio!
00:08Oh, I see. So Thanksgiving, cranberry lime, Christmas is the gingerbread snap,
00:12but what about Halloween?
00:13POPKIN'S MICE!
00:25Are monkeys with herpes on the loose?
00:28A lot of monkey news lately.
00:30There has been a lot of monkey news, and that's why I questioned this story.
00:32Just yesterday we did a story where fake A.I. monkeys were being reported in New Jersey.
00:37Yes.
00:38Made the news.
00:39Causing panic in the streets.
00:40So then this story comes out that a trailer filled with monkeys overturned.
00:46Monkeys infected with HIV.
00:49Monkeys infected with COVID.
00:52Okay.
00:53Monkeys infected with herpes.
00:55And they've taken to the streets.
00:57Oh, my God.
00:58Turns out this one's true.
01:00What?
01:03Turns out this one...
01:04Oh, yeah, that's life.
01:05...is true.
01:06Yeah, there's real...
01:07These monkeys carry hep C, herpes, COVID, HIV.
01:13So we've...
01:14At least one is still on the loose.
01:16Okay.
01:17So we've juiced them all up, testing everything on them.
01:20Now they say rises to three.
01:22Okay.
01:23Let's get a quick update here.
01:24Yeah.
01:25Breaking news, I guess.
01:26WAPT.
01:27Well, a monkey carrying several conditions is still on the loose this morning after escaping
01:32from its handlers in Jasper County following a crash.
01:36Oh, there is.
01:37We got 21 monkeys that was on this truck.
01:40We got five of them on the run.
01:43And that was dispatch audio on Tuesday.
01:46As deputies with the Jasper County Sheriff's Office were called out, the truck was transporting
01:50the monkeys from the Tulane University when it overturned on Interstate 59 north of Heidelberg.
01:56The sheriff says six of the 21 monkeys on the truck broke away.
02:00In a statement, PETA said the escape is the risk of what the organization calls the, quote,
02:05greedy monkey experimentation industry.
02:09So they had said earlier that it was just one monkey, but now it looks like that number
02:14has risen to three.
02:15They wouldn't have lied to us about the number of crazy monkeys that are loose with all sorts
02:20of diseases, would they?
02:21They are warning they are dangerous to humans.
02:24I guess it's hard to find people to transport them after they're at the university being
02:30studied or whatever.
02:31You want to take a couple of these egg monkeys down the road?
02:34I guess so.
02:35Why not?
02:36I got a truck.
02:37I put them in the back.
02:39They got everything.
02:40They got herb.
02:41They got COVID.
02:43They got HIV.
02:45They got syphilis.
02:46They got everything.
02:48That's fine.
02:49Load them on up as high as you can stack them.
02:51Okay.
02:52I hope I don't crash.
02:53I've been drinking all day.
02:57You'd have to be to be transporting experiments.
03:00I just got a truck full of AIDS monkeys.
03:02All in the back.
03:04I got a bunch of herpes, AIDS, herpes, AIDS, syphilis.
03:09They got it all.
03:11They're monkeys.
03:12Ain't nothing.
03:13They're monkeys, but they're crazy.
03:14But they're crazy.
03:15They got after it.
03:16Hep C.
03:17They got Hep C.
03:18Yeah, they got Hep C.
03:19All of it.
03:20A, B, C, E, F, G, H, I, K.
03:23I don't know.
03:24Whatever.
03:25It's the alphabet.
03:26Whatever it is.
03:27He was reading the alphabet.
03:28Yeah.
03:29That's what they got.
03:30They got it all, but they loose now.
03:32Listen, there's one loose as far as I know.
03:35No.
03:36No, they now say three.
03:37Oh, wait.
03:38Look.
03:39There's three over there.
03:40There's now three loose.
03:42That's it.
03:43That's all I know.
03:44I don't even know how many monkeys I had in the first place.
03:46Dispatcher, are you trusting this guy?
03:48Did you hear him?
03:49No.
03:50Are you kidding?
03:51We got 21 monkeys that was on this truck.
03:54We got five of them on the run.
03:56That's the guy?
03:58That's the guy in church?
04:00It looks like we got four to a hundred.
04:02What?
04:03I don't know, four to a hundred different monkeys.
04:05What?
04:06Four to a hundred?
04:07Yeah, like either four or also possibly a hundred monkeys all over the place.
04:13I can't tell.
04:14I don't know.
04:15It's a long grass.
04:16It's a long grass and the monkeys are small.
04:18They're in there somewhere.
04:19Oh, look.
04:20What?
04:21There's a monkey over there.
04:22Okay.
04:23We got at least five to one hundred monkeys loose.
04:26Five to one hundred?
04:27That guy doesn't know how many monkeys was in his truck.
04:30It was a pickup truck.
04:31What do they have again?
04:33To the moon.
04:34What do they have again?
04:35They've got AIDS.
04:36They've got herpes.
04:37They've got syphilis.
04:38They've got gonorrhea.
04:40They've got a cold.
04:41They've got COVID.
04:42They have a cold?
04:43They've got the flu.
04:44No.
04:45They've got IBS.
04:46Irritable bowel syndrome?
04:47They do.
04:48They're cropping everywhere.
04:49Oh, my God.
04:50From what I can tell, smells to high hail over here.
04:53They've got a rash.
04:54They have eczema.
04:56Oh, no.
04:57Skin diseases?
04:58They've got all of it.
04:59Alopecia.
05:00Oh, man.
05:01They've got lupus.
05:02Lupus?
05:03You gave them everything?
05:04We shot them up.
05:06They apparently tested everything.
05:08They only had a few monkeys, like about five, between five and a hundred of them.
05:13What?
05:14And they shot them up with everything you could ever.
05:16They've got cancer.
05:17They've got AIDS.
05:18Oh, my God.
05:19That's right.
05:20I know.
05:21It's crazy.
05:22Radiation poisoning.
05:23How are they living?
05:24They're not good.
05:25It ain't good out here.
05:26They're just foaming at the mouth.
05:28They are pissed.
05:29Oh, my God.
05:30Look out.
05:31Look out.
05:32Look out the monkey.
05:33Look out the monkey.
05:34Okay.
05:35He went the other way.
05:36That's six.
05:37We got between six and one hundred monkeys on the loose.
05:40Did you touch any of the monkeys?
05:41Hell no.
05:42I ain't touching no god damn monkey.
05:45Are you insane?
05:46They've got AIDS.
05:47They've got syphilis.
05:48They've got herpes.
05:49They've got...
05:50They've got gonorrhea.
05:51They've got the cleft.
05:52What else do they got?
05:53Cancer, I guess you said.
05:54They've got something like seasonal affective disorder.
05:55They've got...
05:56Herpes, Hep C, COVID.
05:57All sorts of stuff.
05:58They've got depression.
05:59They're depressed, too?
06:00They're depressed.
06:01No.
06:02Yeah, they've got it all, man.
06:03They've got it all.
06:04At least they're not diabetic.
06:05They're diabetic, too.
06:06Type 1.
06:07Type 2.
06:08Type 3.
06:09Type 4.
06:10Oh my god.
06:11All the types.
06:12All the types.
06:13Type 2.
06:14Type 2.
06:15Type 3.
06:16Type 4.
06:17Oh my god.
06:18All the types.
06:19There's types you never knew even happened, but we gave them to these monkeys, man.
06:22Holy smokes.
06:23They're looking for chocolate.
06:24No chocolate.
06:25That's it.
06:26They're looking.
06:27They can't.
06:28They're starving, too, man.
06:29They're starving.
06:30Oh, there's another one.
06:32We've got between 7 and 100 monkeys on the loose out here.
06:35You better get to safety, man.
06:36Get to safety.
06:37I'm in my truck, man.
06:38I ain't getting out of this truck.
06:40Are you insane?
06:41It's on its side, though.
06:42There's monkeys outside with AIDS and cancer and gonorrhea.
06:47I ain't getting any of that stuff.
06:49You high as hell.
06:50Oh my god.
06:51Monkey is getting high right now.
06:53No.
06:54How did you leave?
06:55Monkey is also an addict.
06:56They're all addicts.
06:57They're addicted.
06:58They're addicted to crap.
06:59They're addicted to meth.
07:00Oh my god.
07:01They're addicted to cocaine.
07:02Holy smokes.
07:03They love it.
07:04There's one monkey I'm looking at.
07:06Between 8 and 10 monkeys, one of the monkeys is doing Liza coke.
07:10No.
07:11Where do you get coke from out in the middle of nowhere?
07:13Probably the driver.
07:14Honestly, if I had to isolate it.
07:15That's you?
07:16No.
07:17Hell no.
07:18I'm just a dispatcher, baby.
07:19I'm just out here reporting on all this stuff.
07:22I ain't getting out.
07:23I ain't transporting no AIDS monkeys with cancer and gonorrhea and syphilis.
07:28The common cold.
07:32COVID.
07:33Common cold's a bit much.
07:34Why?
07:35We gave them the common cold.
07:36We hope to god we cure that.
07:38I hate the sniffles.
07:39They got allergies.
07:40They're allergic to all sorts of stuff out here.
07:42Oh my god.
07:43Those poor monkeys.
07:44Their life sucks.
07:45Their life sucks.
07:46Yep.
07:47Anyway.
07:48That's uh.
07:49That's uh.
07:50I'll let you know if anything changes here.
07:51Okay.
07:52Thank you so much.
07:53Listen.
07:54If anyone calls, just tell them that to only one monkey.
07:56Just one?
07:57Are we saying just one?
07:58Just one.
07:59One's on the loose.
08:00Don't tell them because they got an AIDS thing on the right.
08:01All right.
08:02We don't want people to freak out.
08:03The people are already freaking out.
08:05Yeah.
08:06Okay.
08:07I called you.
08:08Stay safe.
08:09All right.
08:10See you later.
08:11Yep.
08:12Stay safe.
08:13Bye.
08:14There you go dispatcher on the scene of the monkey escape.
08:16Yep.
08:17That's wild.
08:18What a wild tale.
08:19Again, I thought it was fake.
08:20It had to be fake.
08:21It sounds fake.
08:22But it's real.
08:23Come on.
08:24You're all twisted up.
08:25You gotta do it.
08:26I got him.
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