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Daisy May & Charlie Cooper's NightWatch Season 1 Episode 3
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FunTranscript
00:00Oh
00:03Some people want to climb Everest we just want to see a ghost. We just want to see a ghost
00:08What I got my infinite crisp packet
00:16Mum and dad letting us watch what we wanted really fired our imaginations as kids. Yes
00:24Our lives have been so crazy over the years that we don't get to see each other that often
00:30But this is an opportunity for us to reconnect. This is great
00:36So me and you are gonna stay in some of this country's most haunted places. I forgot a pillow. Are you joking? Please?
00:43No
00:45Is that normal and we're gonna find some ghosts together. That's like a life ambition. We'll keep going until we get something
00:55I'm not going out there
01:00So we're in Northumberland right on the border with Scotland. So plenty of history
01:21Daisy's chosen this place.
01:24When Daisy says, I've got something planned for you,
01:27my anxiety always goes up a little bit.
01:30Normally it's something bad.
01:32But she did say to me at Chillingham Castle,
01:35so I'm optimistic.
01:52Sir Humphrey?
01:54Sir Humphrey?
01:56Yes, you're out.
01:57Oh, God. Hi. Hello.
01:59Lovely to see you.
02:01Good to see you.
02:02This place is unreal.
02:07When did you first move here?
02:0940 years ago.
02:1040 years ago.
02:11The government in 1960 condemned it to be demolished,
02:16so I rescued it in 1980.
02:19And I've been helped enormously by the ghosts.
02:23I could go on forever about the curious things that have happened.
02:31So this is it.
02:32Chillingham Castle.
02:34Oh, look.
02:35There's a bat.
02:36Wow.
02:37A door knocker.
02:39A big brass bat.
02:40That's a good sign.
02:41This is beautiful.
02:43Well done, Daisy.
02:45So where is it we will be staying?
02:49We'll be staying.
02:50That's my sort of long gallery office.
02:53And you'll be staying above my long gallery office.
02:55Oh, fabulous.
02:59That is a proper castle.
03:01I'm chuffed with that.
03:03And it looks haunted, so perfect.
03:06Tell me about your ghostly experiences, please.
03:09So I'm talking to someone sympathetic.
03:12Well, I've had banging, tugging on bedsheets I've had.
03:16Yes.
03:17Sounds of a dog barking in the hallway when there's no dog around.
03:23Daze?
03:24Oh, this is my brother, Charlie.
03:27Charlie, this is Sir Humphrey.
03:29Hi.
03:30Hi, Charlie.
03:31I'm Charlie.
03:32Very nice to meet you.
03:33You've got a beautiful sister.
03:34Lucky you.
03:35Oh, thank you.
03:36This place is insane.
03:38How old is this place?
03:40Well, it goes back a thousand years, really.
03:42Wow.
03:43But the main bit is parts of 1200s and part 1500s.
03:49It hasn't that much changed since.
03:51But, Rod, you have ghostly experiences.
03:54I've never had a ghostly experience.
03:56But am I in the right place for something like that?
03:58Is this place haunted?
04:01Oh, that says everything.
04:03There are often nasty ghosts.
04:05But I think the good ghosts here prevail.
04:07They keep them in their place.
04:08Oh, that's nice.
04:09They're protected, I think.
04:13Come in.
04:14This is our great hall.
04:15Oh, wow.
04:19That is incredible.
04:21But I'm glad you're here because there are lovely ghosts here.
04:25The blue boy, he moans away in the big room.
04:28There's the blue lady.
04:29She walks around here looking for her husband.
04:32Wow.
04:33Can I ask you a question?
04:34What kings and queens have stayed here?
04:36Edward I came here in 1298.
04:42William Wallace.
04:43Yeah.
04:44Chieftain of the Scots came here.
04:46Mel Gibson.
04:47Oh, not Mel Gibson.
04:48Not Mel Gibson.
04:49Sorry.
04:50Braveheart.
04:51Braveheart, yeah.
04:52That's right.
04:53Queen came here.
04:54Prince Philly was to come here.
04:55Prince Charles.
04:56Pretty well all there was.
04:57Habs stayed here.
04:58So there was a few battles around here?
05:02Huge battles.
05:03In 1515, I think, Rottenfield battle happened.
05:07And 40,000 Scots came here and took out the place.
05:12Then the English army came out and got rid of them and killed them.
05:16Wow.
05:17Oh, on your hat, the bat leg, because I saw that driving in on...
05:21Is that like an emblem or...?
05:23It is.
05:24You're not Batman, are you?
05:26I am Batman.
05:28I thought you might be.
05:29Truth enough, we have a family crest of a bat as its emblem and have always had it.
05:35Wow.
05:36Can I just show you this?
05:38In early days here, before Christianity came, we had druids and pre-Christian pagans, as it were.
05:47They had their primeval dances, in a funny way, and these were their masks.
05:53Oh, my God.
05:54That is terrifying.
05:55Is that a pelvis?
05:56Oh, wow.
05:57It's pretty spooky.
05:59I'll lean on.
06:02Yeah, perfect.
06:06I mean, these horns are amazing, because each horn, they're all slightly different.
06:10So the noise would make a slightly different to know who it was blowing.
06:14So your friend would send you his message and code, but these go like this.
06:25That's great.
06:30Ghost stories, all the rooms, things happen.
06:33Wow.
06:34Oh.
06:35Look at that.
06:37Wow.
06:38See that bath there?
06:39Yeah.
06:40It's French.
06:41It's mid-18th century.
06:43I sold it once to the Rolling Stones.
06:46Really?
06:47So, obviously, you must have people who visit here who don't believe in ghosts, but what
06:54would you say to people like that?
06:56I'd say good luck to you.
06:57Oh, really?
06:58People are blind to things.
06:59People can't see beauty.
07:00Yeah.
07:01I think it's quite unwise for them not to see another point of view.
07:06Yeah.
07:07No, that's so true.
07:15So, Humphrey, can I ask you a question?
07:16Yes.
07:18I bought my metal detector.
07:20Yes.
07:21I'm quite a keen detectorist.
07:22I'm just wondering if there was anywhere on your grounds that I could...
07:25Lots of places.
07:27Amazing.
07:29And if I do find anything of its significance, what shall I do?
07:35What do you mean, what am I supposed to do with it?
07:37What?
07:38Why?
07:39What, are you just going to metal detector on Humphrey's land and then keep whatever you
07:43find?
07:44No, of course not.
07:45Well, why did you ask that?
07:46Hmm?
07:47Well, if he hadn't asked, he might have thought he could keep it.
07:50Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.
07:51It's quite right to ask it.
07:52Thanks very much.
07:53Why are you sticking your nose in this?
07:54Exactly.
07:55Because I just think, you know...
07:58Do have a look around the whole castle and, oh yes, before I go, do make a point of seeing
08:03the Spanish Witch.
08:04She curses people who steal.
08:06So watch it.
08:08Okay.
08:09Hands are out.
08:10Yeah, I got it.
08:11The Spanish Witch.
08:12The Spanish Witch.
08:13God, the Rolling Stones had this bath.
08:18Of all the ancient historical things in here, you just care about the Rolling Stones?
08:23Yeah.
08:28What are you doing?
08:30What were you doing?
08:32What?
08:33What were you doing?
08:34Nothing.
08:35What were you poking at?
08:36No, I was just poking around, having a look.
08:38Dude, there's cannons out there, isn't there?
08:40Is there?
08:41How many cannons are there?
08:43One, two...
08:44Is that a cannon?
08:47Three...
08:48Very funny.
08:51Where are you?
08:53Oh!
08:54Is that a secret door?
08:56Hello?
08:58Oh.
08:59Check this out.
09:00I thought he'd evaporated.
09:02Wow.
09:04Isn't it amazing?
09:05How much do you wish he was our granddad?
09:08So much, yeah.
09:09Should we ask him if he wants to adopt us?
09:11We could try.
09:12I reckon he is Batman, you know?
09:15He could well be.
09:16Like, wealthy?
09:17Check.
09:18Lives in a castle?
09:19Check.
09:20Loves bats.
09:21Bat signs everywhere?
09:22Check.
09:23Possible butler somewhere?
09:24I don't know.
09:25We need to find out.
09:27God.
09:28Imagine growing up here.
09:30I know.
09:34Look at this badger.
09:38Where are you?
09:40Oh, my God.
09:41Do you know what?
09:42You...
09:43I genuinely didn't see you.
09:45And it's...
09:46I think it's because your skin looks like it's made of wax.
09:54Where are we sleeping tonight?
09:55The apartment.
09:56Wherever that is.
09:57That's so vague.
10:01Ah!
10:02Right.
10:03Who could live in a house like this?
10:05Sir Humphrey said to me that this place is haunted by poltergeists.
10:11Really?
10:12Yep.
10:13Oh, visitor's book.
10:14Let's have a look, then.
10:15Read...
10:16Have a look in that.
10:17Proof is in the pudding.
10:19Not much paranormal on this occasion, sadly, but it is here.
10:24Wow.
10:25Not looking good.
10:26Ooh.
10:27We came here for our silver anniversary.
10:29We love coming here.
10:30A bit of activity.
10:31Ooh!
10:32What was the activity?
10:33Uh, it didn't say.
10:35I think it was sexual.
10:38Shagging.
10:39Halfway through the night, the window blew open in the blue room.
10:42Very scary.
10:43It's not guaranteed, Ghost, but I think the charges are pretty high.
10:48We're going to choose the rooms.
10:50Ah, the twin room.
10:52This is your room.
10:53I'll put the detector here, so you can go in that bed.
10:56I'm not sharing a room with a metal detector.
10:59Why?
11:00Because I'm not.
11:01It's the...
11:02You know, no.
11:03Let me have a look at this room.
11:04Wait, hang on.
11:05I want to see it before...
11:06Oh!
11:07This is me.
11:08This is mine.
11:09Oh, no, this is quite me as well.
11:10This is for the queen.
11:11No, this is me.
11:12No, this is me.
11:13I'm on the bed.
11:14If you want your metal detectors to have a bed of its own,
11:17you're in there.
11:22Right.
11:23Let's just, you know, absorb this.
11:26Yeah.
11:27We're in a castle.
11:28Yeah.
11:29Which is, I mean, how old did he say it was?
11:31A thousand years of history here.
11:33William Wallace stayed here.
11:34Charles I.
11:35Charles I.
11:36All those kings.
11:37The brickwork and the timber, that soaked up all that energy
11:41over all that time.
11:43This is why I brought you here, because this is one of the only places
11:48where people have come to stay here and have been cursed.
11:54If you take something from here, the Spanish witch...
11:59Yeah.
12:00..who supposedly haunts this castle...
12:03Yeah.
12:04..will curse you.
12:05She's like a sort of, you know, CCTV for Sir Humphrey.
12:11I'm really fascinated by this now.
12:14Curses are quite, it's quite a nostalgic thing.
12:17You don't really hear about curses anymore.
12:19People who went to Tutankhamun's grave were cursed.
12:22Howard Carter.
12:23Yeah.
12:24There was like, over the next three years, loads of people died
12:27that was associated with that excavation.
12:30But lots of people say that it might just be, if you leave air
12:35for like thousands of years and then you open it, it's like
12:39having asbestos.
12:41So no wonder everybody died.
12:44Oh.
12:45Isn't this just the best thing?
12:48Yeah.
12:49Having an interest like this.
12:50I mean, it'd be nice if there was broadband.
12:53Honestly.
12:57But what I'm saying is, isn't it nice being able to do
13:00something like this together?
13:01We never get to hang out anymore.
13:03Ever.
13:04Yeah.
13:05To think that we've got the rest of the day and evening
13:08just to explore.
13:09Because he did say we could go anywhere, didn't he?
13:11Come on, let's get out of here.
13:14So this must be the torture chamber.
13:30God, it's like a Saw film in here, isn't it?
13:34Yeah.
13:37There was a torturer that was here at the castle called
13:41John Sage.
13:42Yeah.
13:44He actually invented his own torture device.
13:47That barrel over there is lined with spikes.
13:50Yeah.
13:51And he used to put someone in there.
13:52Yeah.
13:53And because the dungeon sloped.
13:55Yeah.
13:56He would literally let the barrel roll with the person in it.
14:00That's evil.
14:01And they would basically skin themselves going up and down.
14:06That's horrible.
14:07It's like bowling for psychopaths.
14:09Imagine John Sage going on Dragon's Den.
14:15Saying I've got a great idea.
14:18Yeah.
14:19And is there much of a market for these sort of things?
14:21Oh, yeah.
14:22There's loads of horrible Scots just across the border.
14:24And I love torturing Scots more than anyone else.
14:27I'm in.
14:28I'm in.
14:29I'm in.
14:30Great.
14:31Lovely doing business with you.
14:35Oh, it's starting to get spooked now.
14:39That gimp mask is really freaking me out.
14:43Do you know what this reminds me of, actually?
14:45Do you remember when we were kids?
14:46Yeah.
14:47And you held me down.
14:48Yeah.
14:49And grabbed my arm and poured melted wax on my arm?
14:52Yeah.
14:53Do you remember when I lost a game of Tekken 3 and you made me lick a lit light bulb?
15:00Um...
15:01I had to suck a mum's cheap ice lollies for about a week.
15:05Oh, yeah.
15:09Right.
15:10We need to find that Spanish witch, yeah?
15:12Oh, yeah.
15:18Dace, there.
15:19That portrait.
15:20That's her.
15:21Oh.
15:23Legend has it...
15:24Yeah.
15:25Right?
15:26That if anybody has ill will towards this castle...
15:31Yeah.
15:32..that witch will curse you.
15:38Read some of those letters.
15:39Those are people that have stolen stuff from here,
15:42and then had bad things happen to them,
15:44so have to bring the stuff back.
15:47Oh, well.
15:48Dear sirs, I shall not give my name, but I just wish to confirm that I have returned an item of your property to the room from which I was tempted to remove it.
15:56I heard there is a curse on those who steal from the Chillingham, and so it appears to have landed on me.
16:02I had not thought of it as theft but rather trophy hunting.
16:05However, now I pray peace will return to my life.
16:08That's quite it, isn't it?
16:10What am I saying?
16:11I have looked into the eyes of your Spanish witch and know that I have done the right thing.
16:15This is pretty serious stuff.
16:17Have you taken anything?
16:18I haven't taken anything.
16:20But you've got a history of taking stuff.
16:22You've stolen eyeliners, pencil eyeliners from Superdrug.
16:26Yeah.
16:27When you went through your goth phase.
16:29It wasn't a goth phase.
16:30Well, what was it then?
16:31I was into the Malick Street Preachers.
16:34I have stolen before, yeah.
16:35But from here?
16:36No, not from here.
16:37Well, don't.
16:38I'm not going to.
16:39Why do you think I am?
16:40Well, you seem obsessed with it.
16:42Be serious for a second.
16:43Yeah, I'll do a pact with you.
16:44I'm not going to take anything.
16:46OK.
16:47Do you remember the old handshake?
16:48Oh, my God, I think I do.
16:51Was there some fun war?
16:52Yeah, it was fun war.
16:53It was a fun thing.
16:54Yeah.
16:59Yeah.
17:00What would we do?
17:01Oh, do you remember our fight routine?
17:03Oh, my God, our fight routine!
17:15That was it.
17:16That was it.
17:17That was brilliant.
17:18Right, let's go to bed.
17:19No, I want to eat something.
17:27God, look at the stars.
17:28I know, isn't it gorgeous?
17:30That's like a Vincent van Gogh.
17:33So, I've got a task for you.
17:35Yeah?
17:36Apparently, nobody has ever been able to walk to the front gates and back
17:42without having a paranormal experience.
17:46Right.
17:47You're going to walk all the way there.
17:49Yeah.
17:50Take a selfie.
17:51OK.
17:52At the end of the drive.
17:53Yeah.
17:54Easy.
17:55While you're doing that, I'm going to go upstairs and cook something for you to get excited about.
18:00Don't over-season whatever you do.
18:02Oh, my God!
18:03Coming from you!
18:04You have a tendency to do that.
18:06It's fine.
18:07But not tonight.
18:09He can shut it up his ass.
18:19Oh.
18:20Do you know what?
18:21This is actually really nice.
18:22When you've been with your sister all day.
18:26Just absolute motor mouth.
18:28Just spewing nonsense.
18:29This is actually a welcome relief.
18:33Nothing but the stars for company.
18:36Tawny owls in the trees up there.
18:39She'd actually do this more often.
18:41Night walking.
18:43It's actually bliss.
18:47What's that?
18:49Oh, my horse.
18:51Oh.
18:58Oh, my God.
18:59What does that mean?
19:01That's telling me to go back.
19:03There's evil here.
19:05That horse has seen things no one should see.
19:10Yeah.
19:11I'm not sure about this now.
19:18Right.
19:19I'm healthy.
19:23Okay.
19:24Okay, and me at the gates.
19:27Get a proper,
19:29get a fuse so she knows that I'm not...
19:32I've done this properly.
19:34Take arms, take arms, fine.
19:37Oh, God.
19:38What?
19:40Ah!
19:42Ah!
19:44Ah!
19:46Ah!
19:48Ah!
19:50Ah!
19:58Oh!
20:02Oh!
20:08Oh, my God.
20:13Oh, you've been ages.
20:16I am so cold.
20:18What happened?
20:19Well, I did get a bit spooked.
20:21Did you? Did you see something?
20:23What even is this?
20:25Paella.
20:26That looks like an all-day breakfast in a can.
20:28That's so rude of you.
20:34Right, tell me what happened on your walk.
20:36And I want to see a picture of you at that gate,
20:39because I don't believe that you walked.
20:41Look, that's me at the gate.
20:44Let me just make sure you haven't photoshopped.
20:46I knew you'd think I'd photoshopped it.
20:50The rice is a bit undercooked.
20:53I'm not sure it's meant to be crunchy.
20:54I don't eat rice.
20:59I think it's probably time for bed, isn't it?
21:02Listen, this is what we've always wanted.
21:04We want to see a ghost.
21:05I know, I know, but when it comes to it...
21:08You know what?
21:09I've got an idea.
21:11This is for poltergeist activity, right?
21:13OK.
21:13We get a piece of paper...
21:15Yeah.
21:16...and a pen.
21:17We put a couple of items, draw around them.
21:20Yeah.
21:21So if they move in the night...
21:23Great idea.
21:23...by a poltergeist...
21:25We'll know it's being...
21:26We'll know.
21:28Yes!
21:28And then peacock.
21:32I'll just mark its feet.
21:36Yeah.
21:37Right.
21:37Come on.
21:38Bedtime.
21:40Oh, I can't wait.
21:41Snuggle down in my full poster.
21:44No!
21:44You and your metal detector can stay up all night, giggling, giggling to each other.
21:50Daze?
22:06Yeah?
22:07You asleep?
22:08No.
22:10What are you doing?
22:11Reading a book.
22:13Guess where Dustin Hoffman keeps his Oscar?
22:16Downstairs loo.
22:19Well, just a cupboard.
22:21Oh.
22:22What are you doing?
22:23Oh, just reading a book.
22:26You're looking at your metal detector, aren't you?
22:29Just checking it was all right in transit.
22:34Can you turn it down?
22:36No, I can't hear you.
22:38It sounds like you're shagging R2-D2 in there.
22:43Can you turn it down?
22:44Yeah, I've turned it off.
23:00I'm just going to check the, uh...
23:05..the salt and pepper shaker, see if anything's moved.
23:10No.
23:17No.
23:20No activity.
23:29Got anything?
23:31No, didn't move.
23:34Let's go to bed.
23:35Right.
23:41Night, night.
24:00Chas?
24:01Chas?
24:03Chas?
24:06God, he's so lazy.
24:12Chas?
24:14Wake up.
24:24He's dissecting, isn't he?
24:26Oh, my God.
24:31What a bellend.
24:38He's found something again.
24:43He's just digging up holes everywhere.
24:46That mole.
24:47No way.
24:48No way.
24:51I'm going to tell us to help me.
24:56Woohoo!
24:58Yes!
24:59Get in!
25:05You won't believe what I found.
25:06What?
25:07Oh, you're filthy.
25:08No!
25:09What do you mean?
25:09Get on the bed, don't you?
25:11You're horrible.
25:12You're like a horrible, wet, smelly dog.
25:15It's just a bit of mud.
25:17Oh, my God.
25:17Literally, fourth or fifth hole, I dug a silver medieval hammered coin.
25:25Whoa.
25:27Can you believe that?
25:27Well, a quarter of it.
25:28No, it's...
25:29Oh, it's folded in half.
25:30It's a hole, but folded over.
25:32Oh, God.
25:33I'm so happy.
25:34How did you sleep last night?
25:36Um, I slept all right.
25:37It took me a while to get off.
25:39A weird thing happened, right?
25:40I set my alarm for about quarter to six to go metal detecting.
25:44And I was getting my stuff together.
25:46And the door at the far end of the apartment was still open.
25:49And I heard a bang coming from downstairs.
25:52As if something's fallen off a wall.
25:55And guess who lives down there?
25:57Humphrey.
25:58No.
25:59No, the Spanish witch.
26:01Oh, my God.
26:02So I feel like she knew that I was going detecting
26:04and she wasn't happy about it.
26:06Right.
26:11Come on.
26:12Enough we pop.
26:13I need to get back to the kids, really.
26:19Oh!
26:20Oh!
26:21Oh, my God.
26:23Did you move that?
26:25No, that's weird.
26:27Hiya.
26:27How are you?
26:28Oh, hi there.
26:28So, you don't know, we set a thing on the table,
26:31like a poltergeist trap.
26:32I don't suppose you know.
26:33I tidied it up a bit.
26:34I hope you don't mind.
26:35No, that's absolutely fine.
26:36That's your job, of course, yeah.
26:39Sorry, can I just ask you, do you believe in ghosts?
26:42Maybe the ghosts don't like me,
26:43but I haven't noticed anything so far.
26:45Nothing?
26:46No, it's an old house.
26:48Lots of creaking roofs.
26:50Yeah.
26:50There's a lot of wind going through the towers.
26:53Never seen anything.
26:54Never.
26:55No.
26:56See, that's what I'm starting to think now.
26:58When we started this, I was quite open-minded,
27:00but now, just nothing.
27:03God, should we just write in the visitor's book?
27:05Thank you so much.
27:06Thank you so much.
27:07Right, get on with that, because I want to go home.
27:10Do you think you could...
27:11No, stop there.
27:13Because I know what you're going to ask.
27:14What was I going to ask?
27:16And the answer is no.
27:17Well, what was I going to ask?
27:19Can I drive you home?
27:20Yes, please.
27:21No.
27:21Please!
27:22Why don't you ask me before the travel arrangements are determined?
27:27I'll tell you what, I'm going to tell Sir Humphrey
27:28that you found a Saxon horde and you haven't declared it to him.
27:33All right, OK.
27:34Are you going to join me?
27:35Yes.
27:35Great.
27:36Blackmail always works, and it's worked since 1987 with you.
27:42No, you were born in 89.
27:4389.
27:50Come again, any time.
27:52Thank you so much, Sir Humphrey.
27:54It's been so...
27:55Real pleasure.
27:56Thank you very much for coming, and good luck in your life.
27:59Oh, it's been wonderful.
27:59Thank you, Danny.
28:01Come and see us again, any time.
28:02Oh, we will do.
28:03That's OK.
28:07You need to give him the coin.
28:09What coin?
28:10The one you found.
28:13Do you think?
28:16Go back, give him the coin.
28:20Sorry, just one thing, Sir Humphrey.
28:23It's totally slipped my mind.
28:24I found a coin metal detecting.
28:27I just need to return it to you.
28:30Did you hand it to me, of course, for honest?
28:32Or, of course, you were frightened of the witch?
28:34Oh, a bit of both.
28:35Sonny boy, you need new sneakers.
28:42I'd better go into town and get them Friday night.
28:47Come to think of it, kid, you need just about everything.
28:51But I think everything will be all right.
28:54So you went and got yourself back into trouble
29:01Went and got yourself into another fight
29:05Come on here, let me see your eye now
29:09It's all black and swollen
29:11But I think everything will be all right
29:14Thanks for listening
29:24I'm scared of it
29:24But I think everything will be all right
29:27I think everything will get to you
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