00:00Okay, so Stacey, can you tell me a little bit about meeting Damiana and like maybe what your life was like before and what the transition was like?
00:09So I met her sister first, Mistress Jezebel, and we were really close. I met Mistress Damiana a few times, I mean, quite a few times before we formed our own like independent connection, I would say. And that happened, I moved out of town briefly and came back in 2018.
00:26And that's when we reconnected and I became her slave in 2019. So you were asking how did my life change? I would say that until I moved back into town, I was chasing vanilla relationships. I would alternate between having a vanilla girlfriend and then going to sessions with pro-doms. And I would just keep ping-ponging back and forth. And neither thing was fulfilling because the vanilla things, I'm not wired for it. I had to finally come to terms with that. But it was a journey to get to that.
00:56awareness. And the kink sessions were great, but it wasn't long-term. I started to understand, I need this like as an ongoing kind of thing.
01:05Let's explain first that Stacey had a boy life. She's cross-dressed as a girl and not 24-7 at this point right now, but I'm working on it.
01:20She's made it clear what the destination is. Yeah. So when we met, I think I had finally given up on the, I had a really toxic girlfriend situation go bad. And I felt like that's, I burned my hand on that stove enough times. Now I get it. The stove is hot. Stay away from it.
01:36Right. So I pretty much just, you know, I'm done with vanilla relationships and we segued into our collared relationship. And I could tell that like, this is, this is where I was meant to be the whole time. It just took me this long to get here, you know, to get on my own way and accept what I am, who I am.
01:53Yeah. What do you get out of being a slave? What does it fulfill for you?
01:57It's all of this good thing. It's my erotic life. It means way more ironically to me, like infinitely more than what I'll call vanilla sex.
02:06Okay.
02:06That was part of my journey too, realizing that it's okay to just not be that driven to have vanilla sex as the apex erotic thing in my life. You were both talking about sexual shame before. I think our society shames us if we're, I mean, basically anything outside of baby making sex,
02:22you're probably going to get, you know, smeared by somebody. So I would include like asexual or anything like that. It's considered kind of odd, I think at this point in time. And I felt like I was a bit on that spectrum. Like I, okay with vanilla sex, but without all the like costuming and role play and all the trappings of DS, it's just not that meaningful for me or that fulfilling. But this is, this is what I fantasize about. This is, I told Mr. Stamjan, if we weren't living this life together,
02:51I'd be somewhere else way less happy and fantasizing about this.
02:54Right.
02:54Exactly this.
02:55Stacey had, like, had to do the vanilla sex thing in the past relationships and like would have to do, she called them mental gymnastics in her head, fantasizing about being dominated by a dom in order to get aroused enough to do the-
03:11Yeah, Jedi mind tricks on myself to get through it.
03:14Um, but yeah, um, it's, so it's, it's erotically fulfilling, you're asking. It's spiritually fulfilling. Um, Mr. Stamjan was talking about the four archetypes and how the queen is the spiritual connection. And I really need that in, uh, I guess in great percentage of my waking out, you know, I need to feel that somebody's there that is that role to me. In vanilla relationships, nobody's like in charge as such the way that I needed it to be, not even close.
03:41Um, but when, when the right person's there in that role, it starts turning into a spiritual thing for me. Like, um, for instance, if Mr. Stamjan told me, go and, um, clean the floors in my dungeon, which I'll do sometimes on my hands and knees, that's how we do it. Um, I start feeling like I'm, I'm not a monk or a nun or someone like that, but I have my kind of assumptions about what they might go through.
04:07You know, clean every stone in the half mile drive that leads up to the monastery by hand with a toothbrush. I'd imagine that the monk who's doing that feels very devoted and, and devout, you know, in what they're doing. That's how I feel. It makes me feel like I'm achieving a sort of spiritual consciousness. I don't really find in other parts of my life.
04:27Did you feel like purposeless before?
04:29Yeah, to some extent. Yes. And, um, indecisive, you know, I'm, I'm one of those people who can see often many sides of the issue. If people have a conflict, oh, that person's got a point, but so does that person.
04:40So I would sometimes get the whole analysis paralysis thing in life where I can't, you know, I'm not a stupid person, but, but I have trouble sometimes making decisions for myself. But when I have a higher power to answer to all that goes away, it's, it's comforting. It's reassuring. It gives me, um, like you said, purpose makes everything more efficient. I don't waste a lot of time, you know, um, well, maybe if I got this laundry detergent, my life would be different versus that one.
05:07I just get the laundry detergent she tells me to get when I'm washing the Chi Temple, you know, laundry, stuff like that. Um, it's very freeing.
05:14Stacy even said that, um, when she doesn't have a dom in her life or a meaningful connection with one, she finds herself like you've said like that submissive energy leaks out in like different areas of your vanilla life.
05:27Yeah. I'll find myself doing weird things like nothing too crazy, but you know, I'm in public going into a business and there's someone half a block behind me heading toward me. I'll stand and hold the door for them.
05:37You know, for what seems like 20 minutes because I'm being of service in this weird way. That's probably not even that appropriate.
05:45Which is also, I will say sometimes almost, um, like not helpful because that person feels like they need to rush to get to the door. You know what I mean? Because they feel bad that you're holding it open.
05:55I'm sorry. You're like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
05:58I'm more sorry. Yeah, you're right. It's, it's problematic all around. So this helps me to channel all of it into like really constructive purpose.
06:06Do you ever like disagree on anything?
06:10We have fights.
06:11Really?
06:12Yeah.
06:12How does that work?
06:13We're human beings.
06:14Yeah.
06:14You know, and so what, how that happens is that, um, you know, like I accidentally hurt Stacey's feelings sometimes.
06:24Mm.
06:25Um, and you know, you can probably think of scenarios to use as examples. Um, but that's mostly the, the thing that happens is that she, she gets her feelings hurt because I didn't hear her or, you know, I misunderstood her or something like that.
06:42You know, um, so that's very important that we work things out and talk to each other as two human beings that love and care for each other.
06:52And I, I mean, I don't ever want to hurt Stacey's feelings in a non-erotic way.
06:58Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Not purposely.
06:59No.
07:00Yeah.
07:00Right. There's good hurt, but then there's not so good.
07:03Mm-hmm.
07:03Um, it's challenging because, you know, if I'm upset, um, especially if we're apart and we're talking like by text.
07:09You don't live together.
07:10Right. Yeah. Okay.
07:11Um, text is a really bad medium for a lot of relationshipy exchanges, I think, but you know, we live in the society we live in. So you're going to end up doing it. You're going to text. Um, when I'm in front of her, it's way easier to like fall back into the proper mindset. I mean, we've had five years to work on it. So I understand I have to come forward without like, if I get upset, if I get angry about something, I do my best to release that before I talk to her about it.
07:37Okay.
07:37Because it's not helpful. I think sometimes if I come to her in an angry way, even if I'm making a super valid point, if I'm angry about it, she's not going to hear the point very well.
07:47Right.
07:47She's just going to sense the anger first. So I work on that. I think we both worked on, you know, our own like behavior patterns, like our reflex patterns that aren't super helpful.
07:57Mm-hmm.
07:57Um, I think we're both pretty good communicator. We really try.
08:00Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I, you know, I teach my doms this too. Like, I'm going to say I'm sorry to my submissive if I've hurt her feelings.
08:10Mm-hmm.
08:10Um, that's very important. I mean, like, um, there's nothing more toxic than a dominant person not saying they're sorry when they should be apologizing for hurting someone's feelings.
08:21Yeah.
08:21You know, I grew up with a mom like that. Um, so I think it's very healing for my submissive to hear me say, I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings because that's, you know, I'm sorry means I love you and that I didn't, I don't want to hurt you. Um, and so, you know, I always want to learn like, okay, so that hurt her feelings and I'm going to try and try to not do that thing again.
08:45And we've, I mean, really, it's gotten better and better and better over the course of five years. We've, you know, it takes, just like any relationship, you learn, um, who each other is and as an individual and, and, you know, what, what is sensitive about this person and is, isn't necessarily sensitive about another person. So I, I've learned to pay attention to those types of things that make Stacey who she is.
09:09And then does Stacey like ever get a vacation from being a slave, so to speak, not from a slave, but like from the Academy, you know, I have to force her to take a vacation from the Academy. Like right now we're on a two week break. Um, and so she's the secretary and she, I was like, you cannot look at email. Don't look at email. It's hard for her. It's hard for her because she's so, she's just so, you know, so devoted to me and cares so much about making the Academy.
09:39Run as well as it does because she, because she does everything. Right.
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