00:00Before we get into your career as a performer, you know, as I mentioned, you overcame a lot.
00:06You came from a pretty dark background.
00:08So can you tell us about your family and your upbringing?
00:12Yeah.
00:12Yeah.
00:12So I grew up in this like little ghetto town in Jacksonville, Florida called Ocean Way.
00:19I have two siblings.
00:21So I have an older brother and a younger sister.
00:23My brother spent most of his childhood with his dad.
00:26So it was separation.
00:27My sister came around later in life.
00:31My parents kind of always struggled to get their shit together.
00:34I mean, they had kids at a very young age, so I don't hold it against them.
00:37They were my age when they had two children to support.
00:41That's like early 20s?
00:42Yeah.
00:43Yeah.
00:43So I'm 23.
00:43So my mom was like 22 when she had my brother, 24 when she had me.
00:46So that's a lot to handle at a young age, especially when her parents didn't set her up with a great start.
00:52So, you know, she got her GED, so she didn't get to graduate.
00:56And then I believe like when I was a kid, she worked as a stripper.
01:00And then mostly like waitressing jobs and factory jobs and anything that she could really do to support us.
01:05But my mom always worked so hard.
01:07Like she would work three, four, five jobs if she had to, to put food on the table, pay the bills.
01:13Oftentimes that meant that I didn't get to spend a lot of time with her.
01:17And then my dad, he's not my biological father.
01:20I found that out at a later age though.
01:23He, my mom and him like grew up together.
01:25So I get it, you know, she didn't want to be alone raising kids and they grew up together.
01:30And I'm sure he wasn't as mean when they first met.
01:33But he struggled a lot with like pill addiction.
01:36He was in a gang when I was a kid.
01:38So there was a lot of just activity going on.
01:42And then especially when they brought my younger sister into the picture, then it was like, not only was I having to try and keep myself safe in these matters, I would have to look after a child now as well.
01:51So that definitely was a challenge growing up and he definitely wasn't the nicest person.
01:57He was very verbally, mentally and physically abusive.
02:01But, you know, other than that, the childhood was, was okay.
02:05As I got older, we ended up moving out of Florida, which did help ease things over a lot.
02:12When my sister was born, you know, he stepped more out of the game and stopped doing so many drugs.
02:17So that kind of helped.
02:18She didn't have to deal with nearly as much as I had to.
02:22But they were also a lot younger.
02:23So, you know, I've learned not to hold it against.
02:26Obviously, I don't keep in contact with my stepdad anymore because it was not, never a good relationship.
02:31And my mother and him have parted ways.
02:33But I definitely don't like place blame or hate the world because I had a shitty upbringing.
02:39How have you been able to like reach that part in your life where you have forgiveness?
02:45Like, how have you been able to process all of that?
02:47You know, I'm not like a religious person, but I do remember when it started.
02:52And so I didn't mention this, what I just said.
02:56This isn't like an avian article that I let out when I first got in the industry about like all the sexual abuse that I encountered as a kid.
03:02And so I was really seeking help for that because I had gotten to an age where, you know, it started when I was around six years old and then lasted around until I was around 11.
03:14So it was years of this.
03:15And you kind of like mentally get trained in a way to just deal with it.
03:19And my sister was getting to an age where I was honestly getting like nervous for her that things might happen to her.
03:26This is sexual abuse?
03:27Yeah.
03:28So it came from my grandfather, which because we were poor and we didn't have like a good living situation, my parents ended up having to move into my grandparents' secondary unit.
03:35And this is my grandparents' on my stepdad's side.
03:37So not really like family.
03:40And so we were living there and I used to have to go over there a lot to get babysat because my parents worked or my dad was out gallivanting.
03:48So I would go over there to spend time with them after school, which developed into things that were not great.
03:53Yeah.
03:54But, you know, I got older and I was able to kind of distance myself.
03:57I didn't have to get babysat as much.
03:58But as my sister was reaching the ages of four and five, it started to scare me.
04:01So I needed to like work up the gut to say something to my parents.
04:06Because you wanted to protect your sister.
04:08Protect my sister.
04:09Yeah.
04:10You know, I had always kept it to myself because I didn't feel safe discussing it.
04:15Not because my mom would have said anything, but because my dad was not a very nice person.
04:20I mean, there were times when he called me a whore just because I walked home from school with boys that were my age because we lived in a ghetto area and I felt unsafe to walk home alone.
04:29So I knew that this was not going to be like a good reaction and that he would end up blaming me, which was something as like a 12, 13-year-old girl.
04:35I could not have handled, especially going through that.
04:38So I ended up reaching out to like a youth group that was in my area.
04:43And I ended up like going to sit down and have lunch with this girl that was from the youth group.
04:48And so pretty much it was like sitting down with her, even though I still to this day don't like consider myself religious.
04:53She kind of helped me to like put things into perspective and to not only like forgive myself, but to later on be able to have the ability to forgive like the person who did those things to me as well.
05:02So that was like the first step in kind of healing and working through things because I definitely, you know, I didn't have therapy.
05:10I didn't have anything available to me or resources as a child.
05:13So I kind of had to work through most of it myself.
05:17Right.
05:17I definitely went through a period of deep depression in like middle school.
05:21I call it like the emo phase that everyone says they had.
05:24There were no like suicide attempts, no cutting myself, nothing like that.
05:28I definitely hung out with those kids because I felt like I related to them and the issues that they were going through.
05:34But it did it did help me.
05:36And then later I was able to I think getting into porn was like the next the next step.
05:41It sounds crazy to think that like going through something like that will make like the porn industry be like a savior.
05:46But it was the first time that I kind of understood why I had to go through so much in my life prior to getting into the industry because it made me prepared for like what I would have to go through in order to do well in this industry.
06:01Because there's a lot of things that you have to deal with that if you don't have thick skin and you're not prepared for, it can break you.
06:07And it causes a lot of people to leave the industry early.
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