00:00This is peak Julia brain. If he doesn't call, if even his tone is like weird or the text is a little
00:08off, I immediately think, okay, you hate me, that's fine. But now I really need to know like
00:16what is going on and so then I just start fantasizing about the most extreme thing I
00:22could do to just get the answer.
00:30I wrote this song in my room back when I was in New York. At the time, I was working with our
00:38producer Skro, who was living in LA. I just had a little voice note of me playing it on the guitar
00:45and then I sent it to him. He reproduced the whole thing as Skro magically does. It took some shifting
00:52of the parts, but like for the most part, the song came out kind of in one word vomit. I've been making
00:58music for years and to have the most vulnerable song be the one that's like doing the best is
01:06just really cool because it tells me, okay, I need to snap out of it sometimes and get out of my head
01:11and just like say the things on my mind.
01:15I want your things in my room. I miss you all of the time.
01:21My brain just cannot accept if someone is saying that they like me or whatever they want to date
01:29me. It doesn't matter. I think it helps me if I see their things in my room, like we're creating space
01:34for each other and he's choosing my room to be a safe space and like I can look at these things in a
01:40tangible way and be like, okay, this is real. Like I'm not just making everything up. I stalk myself
01:47on the internet just to see what you will find. Of course, when I'm with someone new, I'm like,
01:54I need to put myself in his shoes, see how he is viewing me. And then what can I immediately
02:00delete, rearrange, whatever I need to do to like not get him to run away. Just don't Google because
02:07that is a tough pill to swallow that you cannot change.
02:11I want your things in my room. I miss you all of the time. You make it look so easy,
02:21leaving everything behind. I need you to tell me you feel sick without me. Like I need you to be dying
02:29if I'm not in the room with you, but you're making it look so easy and I just can't relate to that in
02:35any capacity because it's not in me to be that way is torture to see someone make it look so easy.
02:44I like when it's dark October will cure me. I grew up in a very spooky household and my mom was into
02:53all things gory, gothic. And so now I just take comfort the autumnal months and just kind of anything
03:01that reminds me of my younger self, I guess. I'm walking these woods. I'm high 30 or 13.
03:11Well, I'm in my 30s now and it just feels ridiculous that I still can't grasp any of my emotions. It just
03:19takes me back to being younger, being a teenager, where I felt the exact same way. I'm literally still
03:26the same girl that I was walking through the woods, like trying to find that grounding somehow amidst
03:32all this confusion. Not asking for much, man. Thought maybe you'd call me. I'd slit my own throat just to
03:42see if you'd mourn me. This is me constantly, like how I just think about things. My default setting is
03:53like, I don't feel good enough. I don't feel enough for this person. And so this song is definitely a
04:00reflection of that side of myself. And unfortunately, that is why that line exists.
04:06You look so cool, getting high, high. No handlebars, you wanna fly. You look so cool,
04:21I wanna die. Is it too soon to say what's on my mind? You're living life with, you know,
04:34your hands off the handlebars and you're just going with the flow and I'm not that girl.
04:38And it just makes me feel the lack within and just like the self doubt. He looks hot when he's smoking.
04:47Okay. It doesn't matter if it's weed, it's cigarettes, whatever. He looks so hot. I am not that.
04:56I felt particularly proud of this one just because some of the lyrics are so revealing. I definitely
05:03was texting everyone I knew about like, is this too much to say? Is this too embarrassing? But it's cool
05:10to see that like, those lines are the ones that resonated with everyone.
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