- 13 hours ago
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00:00I mean, it's extraordinary, their meeting like that, not realising they had a connection.
00:11And how did they meet, exactly?
00:13I told you.
00:14Beth heard Kitty singing in a pub.
00:16I did tell him.
00:17And it was here.
00:18Here?
00:19Well, not here.
00:20A pub in Hebden Bridge, but I shouldn't think it would be this one.
00:23I mean, didn't you say it was a bit of a...
00:24A bit binnicky-sticky car.
00:25A bit of sawdust.
00:26And then what?
00:27Does Beth go around picking up women in disreputable pubs nowadays, Martin?
00:31Is that what you've used to do?
00:32Can you pass the mayo, Dodd?
00:34No.
00:34No, she was looking for a singer for this comedy rock band.
00:38It is do.
00:38It is charity do this evening.
00:40So?
00:41So, she was just walking past a pub.
00:43And she heard this amazing voice, so in she went.
00:46And Kitty really can sing, apparently.
00:49I mean, possibly not Maria Callas, but...
00:53And so, no more information yet about who your biological father is, Tom.
01:00And...
01:01We've only ever actually met her that once, so...
01:05Oh, really?
01:06So this is only the second time you were about to...
01:08Well, they were going to come to us in Sheffield, with Beth and Kitty, for something to eat.
01:11But we never seemed to be able to fix a date, did we?
01:13Then we were going to go up there again, but it didn't happen.
01:15So, yeah.
01:16Now, apart from the odd text, you know, it will probably take some time before she's able to talk about something like that.
01:24I mean, you don't know if she was raped, if it was incest.
01:29Beth, Beth, Beth.
01:30We've always thought you were a bit gay.
01:33That's very sweet, but I'm not gay.
01:37Kitty's...
01:37I'm your birth mother.
01:38How do you know?
01:47Because I had a letter a few weeks ago, from the adoption services, after you got in touch with her.
01:52The dates all match, and the ages.
01:54I mean, we need to verify it, of course, but it seems pretty conclusive.
02:00So how come that you found, um...
02:05Kitty.
02:06Before me?
02:07It was honestly a complete fluke.
02:09We got to know each other before either of us knew that we had any kind of connection.
02:15You should have told me before...
02:17Before we came.
02:18She tried to.
02:19She left a load of messages for you to phone her back.
02:21But you didn't.
02:24Are you all right?
02:26Yeah.
02:28Are you, Kitty?
02:29You deserve better than this.
02:32You come in here, and the first thing you do is tell your mother...
02:35...to tell your mother why you can't stay long, even though you haven't been here for months.
02:39And then you look me up and down, like I'm something you just trod in when you haven't got a fucking clue of who I am.
02:45And then you tell her you're going on a holiday with your dad, because you're worried he's lonely.
02:48What about her?
02:49Have you any idea what she's been through lately?
02:51It's kind.
02:53Brilliant woman.
02:53No, you don't.
02:54You've no idea, because you never see her, and you never fucking ask.
02:58Kitty, don't.
02:58What do you mean?
03:01I've just been a bit low recently.
03:03That's all.
03:04Have you?
03:04Why?
03:05Oh.
03:06I'll go.
03:07No, no, don't.
03:08Please don't.
03:09What did you want me for?
03:10I mean, was there a particular reason why he wanted to contact me now?
03:12Well, I just want to know what I look like.
03:17We, um...
03:19We were thinking about starting a family.
03:22Really?
03:23Oh.
03:24And, well, I think that's what prompted it.
03:28If there was any medical history that we should know about.
03:33Medical?
03:36I don't think so.
03:40I don't know.
03:40I've no idea.
03:45I'm sorry, Beth, I'm not going to come.
03:46No, please.
03:47Kitty.
03:48Don't.
03:51Well, what have you been depressed about?
03:57Well, you know, crannying, work, being on my own.
04:01And I'm just at that age.
04:04Oh.
04:05So, anxiety, insomnia, apathy, low mood, brain fog,
04:10feeling like you're disappearing down a black hole,
04:12drowning, going mad,
04:15fading away.
04:16Just that sort of thing.
04:18Look, I don't want you two to get off on the wrong foot.
04:25And I did ring you last night, Tom.
04:28Oh, what time is it?
04:30Doors open at seven and we don't want to be sitting at the back.
04:34Or do we?
04:34Let's start a riot.
04:38We won't be quiet.
04:40Riot when we're going to set this world on fire.
04:42Do you feel Randy?
04:51I feel nervous.
04:54You know what I mean?
04:54Since I went to doctors.
04:56What?
04:56The HRT?
04:57Yes.
04:58I do.
04:59It comes over me every now and again,
05:00the most unlikely moments.
05:02Which is bizarre and delightful,
05:05because I had thought all that was behind me.
05:07Do you know what?
05:08Right now, I could shag anything that moves.
05:10Anything with a pulse.
05:12In anything.
05:17Either that.
05:19I'm going to have to go into toilets and sort myself out.
05:21Not in the infants, Kitty.
05:23Come in with me if you want.
05:24Finish me off.
05:25I wouldn't know where to start.
05:26Don't be so disingenuous.
05:28I'm going to stop teaching you all those big nerves.
05:30Maybe it's nerves, maybe it's the adrenaline.
05:32I think it probably is the HRT.
05:34You know, I've started to feel about a hundred years younger
05:37in the last few weeks.
05:38You look great.
05:40So do you.
05:41Come on then.
05:42I'll take two minutes.
05:44I'm on fire.
05:45I'm very fond of you, Kitty.
05:47And it's sweet of you to offer,
05:48but contrary to what Fern thinks,
05:51a deep dive into lesbianism at this late stage
05:54is not on the top of my list of things to do.
05:56We need to get you a fella.
05:58You know Martin's coming, don't you?
05:59The thing is with Martin, though,
06:00he's long gone, baby.
06:03No, I'm just saying.
06:07And the in-laws.
06:08Bloody hell, you wait till you meet them.
06:11Oh, yes, we're masked, Cap.
06:13Anything for the refugees.
06:16Of course, it's all housewife.
06:18Couldn't give a fuck about the refugees.
06:19They're just coming to go up at you.
06:21Might be disappointed, won't they?
06:22What are we going to do
06:24about this low opinion you have of yourself?
06:26Don't know, drown me in a bucket.
06:29Do you feel like that when you're singing?
06:31On stage in front of people
06:33with that fabulous voice?
06:35Yeah.
06:39Tommy, it's me.
06:41Don't say that.
06:42I don't care.
06:43I mean, I do, but, you know.
06:46As long as you and him are all right.
06:47He doesn't know you.
06:50But he will.
06:52In time.
06:53For fuck's sake.
06:54Can't use me own kit.
06:56Why?
06:57I've got to use the drum kit
06:58belonging to the fella from that granddad band
06:59because there isn't time to take more than one kit
07:01on and off stage during the performance.
07:03And they've all decided in advance,
07:05without consulting me,
07:05because, you know, why would they,
07:07that we're using his kit.
07:08But he's being a twat
07:10and he won't let me practise with it properly.
07:11But which wouldn't be a problem
07:12if his hi-hat and his snare
07:14weren't, like, way up there
07:15and his crash and his ride
07:16weren't way up there.
07:18So, look, if your august tits up
07:19in the percussion section,
07:20you'll know why.
07:21Jessie.
07:22Look, I'm so sorry.
07:24It's crazy.
07:25Please don't fall out with me.
07:27Look, we've had so many entries
07:28and if I have to clear
07:29the entire roster between acts,
07:32we are going to be here till midnight.
07:33Charlie, it's fine.
07:34We'll work with whatever's there.
07:35We can do people.
07:37We're focused on the refugees.
07:38I mean, we have been practising solitly, like,
07:40six weeks, you know.
07:41But if it's more important for him
07:42to show off his shiny new trap
07:44rather than be fair or reasonable,
07:47you know, no, I actually feel sorry for him.
07:49Are we having a sound check?
07:50Yes.
07:51When?
07:51Well, the rest of your band is out there now.
07:53That's what we're doing.
07:54OK, so we don't have long.
07:57Hallelujah.
07:58You should have texted us.
07:59Yeah, cos I'm your PA.
08:01Jess, do you want to try this again?
08:02I've adjusted everything down a notch
08:04so it's not too high for you,
08:05not too low for me,
08:06and I've probably crashed
08:07the ride in an inch or so.
08:08Come and have a go.
08:10See what I'm doing?
08:11Bastard.
08:15I think she's upset.
08:17Inez has joined the PTA now.
08:19She's stepped down, so...
08:20She needs to be on HRT like the rest of us.
08:23She'd soon get over shit like that.
08:25Language.
08:25Kitty!
08:26Look at this!
08:27Yvonne delivered this baby six weeks ago.
08:32I'm with Jacob.
08:34Hiya.
08:34He's been helping Yvonne with a guitar.
08:41Do you want a cuddle?
08:42No.
08:43I'll start lactating.
08:45I get ridiculous with babies.
08:46For fuck's sake, it's only a baby.
08:48Ten a penny.
08:49Come on!
08:49We haven't got so long.
08:50Can't you do that later?
08:51Come on.
08:53It's hit cracking.
08:54I need to nip out and get some supplies
08:55before kick-off.
08:56I'm trying to look at the walls.
08:57Where's Ollie?
08:58Toilet.
08:59She's got diarrhoea.
09:00And I knew she didn't get off till six.
09:02She did tell you that, didn't she?
09:03Oh, here she is.
09:09Oh, you're so nervous, you've shat yourself.
09:11It's not that big a gig, love.
09:13I knew this would happen.
09:15Ah, take your guitar to the toilet with you.
09:18Yeah, well, I couldn't get it off.
09:19Could I have had to muddle out so fast?
09:20You saw that arse action you've been involved with.
09:22Not.
09:24Is it nerves, Holly?
09:25Will you be able to go on?
09:27Yeah.
09:28What I'm really nervous about is the fact
09:30that my mother's decided she's coming.
09:31So I've had to persuade Adam and Carl
09:33to bring her in, so it's been all...
09:34What if she needs to take into the toilet?
09:36I'm not taking her.
09:37It's like, why, why, why?
09:39Can't they just rise to the occasion now and again?
09:41Without turning everything into...
09:42Are you?
09:43Fucking opera!
09:44Sorry.
09:45Are we doing this?
09:47You are?
09:48I can't come.
09:49I can't get there.
09:50You're joking.
09:51Sergeant Arsall's just dropped three hours
09:53compulsory overtime on us all
09:54because Scunthorpe's beaten Halifax 5-0 at home.
09:57So all the numpties are going to get pissed
09:58and kick each other's heads in.
09:59Hold on, babe.
10:00They've just dropped three hours
10:02compulsory overtime on them all
10:04because Scunthorpe have beaten Halifax 5-0 at home
10:06so they need extra policing
10:07because all the numpties are going to get pissed
10:08and kick each other's heads in, apparently.
10:10No shit.
10:12I'm going to look like a right turnip
10:13doing these moves on me own.
10:14Hang on, no, wait.
10:15Why don't I?
10:16I can move you down the programme.
10:18So I had you on at the end of the first act,
10:20but if you went to at the very end,
10:21then...
10:23Yeah.
10:25Cos...
10:25Yeah.
10:26We won't be over by half past nine.
10:28Not even close.
10:29Thank God.
10:30Did you hear that?
10:31Yeah.
10:32Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:32Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:33Right, are we doing the sound checkerboard?
10:35Yeah.
10:36One, two, one.
10:36Can you put this on, please?
10:38One, two, one, two, one.
10:40Right, I'm getting chewing gum, chocolate.
10:58Yep.
10:58Right.
10:59Fags.
11:01Imodium.
11:02Yeah, I'll make sure.
11:03I'll make sure.
11:05I'll just bother you.
11:12Kitty?
11:16Kitty!
11:19Hey!
11:21Kitty!
11:24Kitty!
11:25Hey!
11:30Fuck!
11:32For sake!
11:37I'm not fucking on your phone.
11:38I'm not fucking on your phone.
11:39Don't you fucking touch me!
11:41I'm not gonna touch you, Kitty.
11:42I just want to talk to you.
11:43What about?
11:45Look amazing.
11:46Fuck off!
11:47Look, I'm not wishy, Ellie, anymore.
11:49We never went to Antigua.
11:50Well, I didn't.
11:50She took kids and her mother.
11:52I'm living in the flat.
11:53R-flat.
11:54She wants a divorce.
11:55Oh, fascinating.
11:56Look, come back to me.
11:58I'm serious.
12:01You got your mates because you're such a fucking coward.
12:03You got your mates from the rugby club
12:05to come and knock me about
12:06and took me out on the street with nothing,
12:07literally nothing.
12:08And now you want me to come back.
12:09I ended up in hospital that night.
12:10Yeah, but he didn't stop you
12:11smashing up with Jaggy for the next day, did he?
12:13Come on, Kitty.
12:14You think that makes us even?
12:15Yeah, but we both made mistakes.
12:17I haven't even started.
12:18Look, I'm sorry.
12:19I miss you.
12:25You miss having someone who can supply with A-grade shit
12:28to shove up my nose.
12:30And do the kind of contortions in bed your wife wouldn't do.
12:33I've moved on.
12:35I've got stuff to do.
12:37So seriously, fuck off!
12:39Oh, you fucking...
12:45You filthy fucking whore!
12:49You die in a ditch one day, you.
12:51Like you deserve.
12:53Like all the rest of you.
12:54You dirty, nasty, funny.
13:01Accept, you mucking bitch.
13:02Right, come on, you.
13:32Are we getting out?
13:33Are we getting routers?
13:34Yeah, yeah.
13:35Right.
13:36Step to the side.
13:37Hello.
13:38Hiya, Nancy.
13:39Come on.
13:41Where are we going?
13:42Here.
13:43It's all right.
13:44We should stand there.
13:45Really?
14:02Look you.
14:03Is it definite now about this kitty lady?
14:08Yeah, we've had the documents.
14:10And so, how do you feel about it?
14:15She won't talk about who my biological father is,
14:17so I just have to assume that, yeah,
14:23wasn't a very nice person.
14:28Rape, incest.
14:30Maybe.
14:33Maybe not.
14:34Well, don't you think that if it was a tall palatable,
14:35she would have told me?
14:38Is it that?
14:39What?
14:42She doesn't want to talk about it because she was complicit in it.
14:47Complicit?
14:48At 12?
14:50Not complicit, but...
14:55I was talking to a friend at work.
14:58And when I said her name, he went like, oh my God.
15:01And then he told me about this podcast, Gangs of the North,
15:04and there is literally one about her family.
15:07The Eckersleys.
15:08Keith Eckersley.
15:10Deeply, seriously unsavoury people.
15:13That's how I feel about her.
15:15I don't know, is the answer.
15:16It's just...
15:17not...
15:22I thought we'd have things to say to each other.
15:23We didn't.
15:24The whole lunch was just awkward.
15:25It was ridiculous.
15:26I mean, I had no idea it was coming.
15:28Yeah, it does sound like it was handled rather badly.
15:31I always imagined...
15:36I'd like her, and...
15:40Don't let that do.
15:44Oh, here she is!
15:45Miranda, we need you.
15:46Miranda.
15:47Why?
15:48Right, it's not entirely impossible...
15:49It's unlikely, but it's possible.
15:50It's unlikely that Nisha isn't going to get here on time,
15:51so we've wondered...
15:52We've wondered if you'd step in.
15:53We can to do the backing vocals.
15:54I can teach you the moves.
15:56Nice and straight.
15:57Er, why me?
15:58Because you've heard your mum warbling all our numbers.
16:01At the top of her voice, apparently.
16:02At your house.
16:03So?
16:04Oh, I can't sing.
16:05Well, neither can I.
16:06That's how USP Nisha and me.
16:07We're hopeless.
16:08Look, she will get here.
16:10It's just so if she doesn't...
16:11Which she will...
16:12I don't have to do the moves on my own.
16:14That's all.
16:17Er, okay.
16:20Good girl.
16:21Oh, my God.
16:22Is there something where we can rehearse?
16:23Not in front of everybody?
16:24Yeah.
16:25Come with me.
16:26It's tiny.
16:27He's bigger.
16:28He's bigger.
16:29He's bigger.
16:30He's bigger.
16:31He's bigger.
16:32He's bigger.
16:33You got me running, going out of my mind.
16:36You got me thinking that I'm wasting my time.
16:39Don't bring me down.
16:41No, no, no, no, no.
16:45Ooh, ooh, ooh.
16:47I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor.
16:51Don't bring me down.
16:53Don't bring me down.
16:54Don't bring me down!
16:55Don't bring me down!
16:56You want to stay out with your fancy friends
16:59I'm telling you it's gotta be the end
17:03Don't bring me down
17:05No, no, no, no, no
17:09I'll tell you once more before I get off the floor
17:15Don't bring me down
17:16Don't bring me down
17:21Don't bring me down
17:25Don't bring me down
17:28Don't bring me down
17:33No one's going to sit around the room just in case me, she doesn't let you go
17:40Nicholas
17:41I'm busy
17:51Where are you?
17:52I'm not at the Duke, I'm doing something else this evening
17:54so don't even bother showing up there
17:55I know you are
17:56I'm here
17:57Where?
17:58Well, I went to Duke and somebody said you were here
18:01So, where you sitting?
18:02Here
18:03Here at the school
18:04Affirmative, I'm stood at the back, where are you?
18:06Have you got in?
18:07Tickets sold out weeks ago
18:08Yeah, I lifted a couple from this old fella's jacket pocket
18:11It's a shame
18:12They'll probably let him in anyway, won't they?
18:14And then his missus
18:15He's lost the ticket, they can't find him, hasn't he?
18:18Somebody said I'd get free drink with me ticket
18:20Jesus Christ, what the fuck are you doing here?
18:24I've got some intel for you about your dad
18:26Where you sat?
18:27No, I'm not there
18:28I wouldn't tell everybody about my dad
18:30Are you kidding me, ma'am?
18:31I've got my tea sorted now
18:32I'm not in the audience, I'm with one of the hats
18:36Oh
18:37Okay
18:38Okay
18:39What about my dad?
18:40Okay
18:41Has everyone got a seat?
18:42What about my dad?
18:43Oh, there's two seats just here
18:45No, Charlie, these are safe for Auntie Mary and Dyson
18:49Okay, well, er...
18:50Are you there?
18:51Are you listening?
18:52Oh, there's one internal over here
18:53Lunchtime
18:54Good evening, ladies and gentlemen
18:56Right, look, I'd better go, but it's kicking off
18:59So, I'll find you after
19:00Is there an interval?
19:01Yeah, I don't know
19:02Break a leg
19:03I'll tell you what's wrong
19:05Before I get off the floor
19:07Don't bring me down
19:10And I had the pleasure of watching the act rehearse before today
19:13And let me tell you, you're in for a treat
19:16It's so wonderful to gather at the school
19:18Would you mind holding me that, love, while I open the crisps
19:20It's so important, of course
19:21And all proceeds from that event
19:23You'll be going to charity
19:25And your generosity will provide essential resources
19:28Those who are most in need
19:29So, together, we can make a real difference
19:32Of refugees
19:33While seeking safety
19:34Hope
19:35And a new beginning
19:38You're chewing
19:39I'm not chewing
19:40I can hear you're chewing
19:41I'm sucking
19:42I'll be like them
19:45I'm not chewing
19:46Say it then
19:48Hmm?
19:49No, no
19:50No way
19:51No way
19:52You've cheated, you've put another one in
19:53When? When have I?
19:54You'd have seen me do it
19:55Alright, come on
19:56Best of three
19:57Oh
19:59That's right, love
20:00You've strolling
20:01Let her go
20:02Let her go
20:03Let her go
20:04Let her go
20:05There you go
20:06Nob
20:07Yep
20:089-6-7-5, are you free?
20:09Landlord got the old cock
20:10Has got some lads kicking off
20:11There's a fire to escalate and there's six or seven of them, apparently, and he's requesting police assistance
20:19Seriously
20:20Seriously, you've got a band together in six weeks
20:21Yeah
20:229-6-7-5, code 6
20:239-6-7-5, code 6
20:24What, you can all play your instruments and everything?
20:25Yeah
20:26We're shit hot
20:27Are you?
20:28Nah
20:29But we have a laugh
20:30Well, they're having a bloody laugh
20:31What am I doing?
20:32Get up
20:33Get down, mate
20:34Get down
20:35Get down
20:36Get down
20:37Get up
20:38Hey, Bollywood, did you know your little piggy wagon's had a little accident outside?
20:41Bollywood did you know your little piggy wagons had a little accident outside you're gonna get
21:03your tits out unscrew the light bulb pat the dog
21:10I'm getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting getting you're under arrest
21:16why Mel Gray train is like a shock is it's going up King Edward Street
21:24I've got him down the dead end you're under arrest with criminal damage do you understand no up against
21:31that wall I didn't do anything I was just telling you all you do not have to say anything but it may
21:35have me defense if you do not mention one question something later a line and call anything you do
21:39say it may be given evidence do you understand
22:09York you think you're doing what should you do a little arrow
22:12pop your finger you remember monte
22:14you know think you lost your tongue and who I thought you'd think it might be
22:17more strict now they may think it might just maintain that but anyway there may be a lot of
22:19poverty right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and yeah yeah yeah meo
22:35And then I realised they were talking about my baby, not my husband.
22:47So if you wouldn't mind just putting your hands up to help, that would be really rubbish trick.
22:52Let's get rid of that.
23:05Let's get rid of that.
23:35Kitty, can I nick some more of your vodka?
23:39Sure.
23:40Kitty, can I? I'll pay you back.
23:42Don't pay me back, kid.
23:43You're all going to be pissed by the time we go on.
23:45Yay.
23:48Keep your nerve, women.
23:50I just think it would be, you know, quite something if we didn't make fools of ourselves.
23:54Oh, God. We're not going to make fools of ourselves.
23:56We are totally going to make fools of ourselves. That's why we're here, isn't it?
24:01That's the interval, folks.
24:02Are they gone?
24:03Yeah.
24:04I don't think we've got any real competition, though.
24:06I don't think we've got any real competition, though.
24:23No, I don't. I don't want that.
24:25It's all right.
24:26It's all right.
24:27Don't eat.
24:28Don't eat.
24:29Don't eat.
24:31Don't eat.
24:32Don't eat.
24:33They don't eat.
24:34Don't eat.
24:35Don't eat.
24:36Don't eat.
24:37Don't eat.
24:38Don't eat.
24:39So, do you have children at the school?
24:40Me?
24:41No.
24:42I'm here to see, er, me girlfriend.
24:44Yeah, she's in one of the hacks.
24:46Oh, really? Which one?
24:47Oh, no, she hasn't been on yet.
24:49Oh.
24:50This will be her now.
24:53Kitty?
24:54Hiya.
24:55Where are you?
24:56I want you to meet me outside.
24:57In the infant's playground, round front.
25:20It's very good. I'm enjoying myself.
25:43What do you know?
25:45He's here. He's in England.
25:47He's been extradited from wherever he was and he's in Wakefield prison.
25:55How do you know?
25:57Well, I know somebody. You visit somebody in there.
26:00When?
26:02How long has he been there?
26:04Pass.
26:05Why wasn't it in the news?
26:07It probably was.
26:09Have you not googled him?
26:17Do you mind if I get back inside?
26:19Only a fella said to be quick getting another drink
26:21because he wanted to crack on with second half.
26:23Yeah, yeah.
26:259-8-3-7. I'm at Shakespeare Street now.
26:35Not stark.
26:369-8-3-7. I'm at Shakespeare Street now.
26:37Not stark.
26:389-8-3-7. I'm leaving.
26:39Keep us updated.
26:41Keep us updated.
26:42Can't see anybody.
26:47Hang on.
26:48Hang on.
26:49I'm at Shakespeare Street now.
26:50Not stark.
26:519-8-3-7. I'm leaving.
26:52Keep us updated.
26:53Can't see anybody.
26:54Hang on.
26:55Hang on.
26:56Hang on.
27:09Hang on.
27:10Hang on.
27:11Hang on.
27:13Hang on.
27:14Hang on.
27:16Hang on.
27:17Hang on.
27:18Hang on.
27:19Hang on.
27:20Hang on.
27:21Hang on.
27:22Hang on.
27:23I've found her radio and her body cam.
27:24Nisha?
27:259-8-3-7.
27:26Contact me.
27:27Hi.
27:28Hang on.
27:29Hang on.
27:31Hi.
27:32Nisha?
27:37Hi.
27:38Hi.
27:40I'm sorry.
27:41I'm fine.
27:42I'm fine.
27:43I'm fine.
27:44I'm fine.
27:45You've got yourself into a right pickle here, haven't you?
27:59You daft bitch.
28:01Hear me now.
28:03Okay, okay.
28:06Yeah, I will do.
28:07I will do.
28:10Just take a few snaps from me, mate.
28:12Don't mind, do you?
28:14No.
28:15Of course you don't.
28:16Why would you?
28:299837.
28:30I've got Nisha.
28:31I've found her.
28:37She's been beaten up and cuffed to some railings.
28:38Can I have supervision down here?
28:40I'm not even tempted.
28:41Telling fucking Holly to go upstairs and squeal to the boss.
28:44Smart move.
28:45Not.
28:46Not.
28:47Jesus, let's get you down.
28:48I'm not even tempted.
28:49Telling fucking Holly to go upstairs and squeal to the boss.
28:52Smart move.
28:53Not.
28:54Not.
29:10Jesus, let's get you down.
29:11Stand up.
29:12Oops.
29:13Stop.
29:14I'll tell you what's gonna do.
29:15You're up to the boss.
29:17Stop.
29:18Sit down.
29:19Sit down.
29:20Sit down next to me.
29:21Sit down.
29:22Down.
29:23Down.
29:24Down.
29:25Down.
29:26Down.
29:27Down.
29:28Down.
29:29Go down.
29:30Oh sit down, oh sit down, sit down next to me
29:36Sit down, down, down, down, down, in a shape of three
29:52Hi, this is Misha, please let them
29:55I don't get it, she should be here by now, she should have been here half an hour ago
29:59Have you texted? Yeah
30:01Can you ring where she works?
30:03What? 999?
30:05No, there'll be an office number
30:07Oh
30:08Oh my god, they're gonna be on soon
30:11You'll be alright kid, it's just for a laugh, it's just for fun
30:14Where are you going?
30:15Find out where girls are
30:22Fuck
30:23I'll come back down again
30:25It's worse than it was
30:27We're doing all stuff together
30:28Who?
30:29He knows them dancing sucking Mary
30:31Shit, they're good
30:32Do you know what?
30:33I've seen hundreds of bands like this
30:34You know, technically they're okay
30:36But they're not saying anything
30:37They're not doing anything new
30:39We shouldn't sing Waterloo
30:41We should do the menopause song you and Kitty wrote
30:43We haven't practised it
30:44Yes we have
30:45I agree
30:46We might as well be properly unashamedly punk
30:49Not give a shit if it's not perfect
30:51And if you don't like it
30:52Fuck em
30:53Is this the vocal speaking?
30:54What if it is?
30:55You're running five riot women
30:56The last two acts before you have now officially dropped out due to technical issues
31:00So I've just got Mr. Topless and his magical musical kittens
31:05And then you're on
31:06Kitty
31:07I need the toilet
31:14I'm fine
31:15This is the song I know best
31:16It's the one she's always belting out around the house
31:18You're sure about this?
31:19We're not doing Waterloo?
31:20No we're not
31:21No we're not
31:22And there's no moves because we never invented any
31:23So just go for it
31:24Just give it loads of welly on the chorus
31:26I can't believe I'm doing this in front of Trisha
31:28And Graham
31:29Fern's parents
31:30What about me?
31:31I've got to do it in front of Chloe and fucking Inez
31:33They're out there now sat with Aunty Mary and Dyson
31:36And laughing the lucky Inez
31:37For God's sake mother
31:38Stop slagging Inez off
31:40Move on
31:41For your own sake if not everybody else's
31:43What happened again with fucking Inez?
31:45It was me dad being a creepy old tosser
31:47Coming onto anything that moves
31:48Including Inez
31:50And her refusing to say what a philandering piggy was
31:53So she'd rather blame Inez for telling her the truth about me dad
31:56Or say her about Inez setting up her own place when it wasn't
31:59She thought the world of you
32:01Well I can't say how many the wiser to be honest but
32:03Oh
32:04You're on in less than 30 seconds ladies
32:06Come on let's boogie woogie
32:08Oh come come come come on
32:10Quick come on
32:11Oh my god this is going to say she'll have to ask you
32:13You can't do this
32:14Come on
32:15Come on
32:16Come on
32:17Wow
32:19Absolutely wonderful wasn't that splendid
32:22So original
32:23So clever
32:24I'm a fan
32:25I'm a big
32:26Big fan
32:27Oh
32:28Right okay
32:29Okay
32:30The next act is the final act of the evening ladies and gentlemen
32:34Aww
32:35I know I know can you believe it
32:36I never thought we'd get here
32:38I have to admit I'm extremely excited about this
32:42And they were one of the first acts to sign up
32:46Ladies and gentlemen it's the riot women
32:49Thank you
32:50Thanks thank you
33:10Fuck off
33:11Holy shit
33:12We were going to do a cover of an ABBA song but we've changed our minds
33:21We're going to do a song that me and Beth wrote last week so
33:24Might not be up to much we might have to make it up as we go along
33:27Join in if you want
33:29Oh
33:31It's about the menopause
33:33Woo
33:36Woo
33:38Woo
33:53Woo
33:57Woo
33:58Woo
33:59I'm so depressed, I can't get dressed
34:07Having trouble hiding my lack of interest
34:10Bloodstains, pouring light rain
34:12Borderline anemic from bleeding all day
34:15My time's waning, feels like I'm fading
34:17Doctor told me to stop complaining
34:20If it happened to blokes, got all the news
34:23We'd be getting HRT from Tesco
34:26Am I invisible?
34:26Am I untouchable?
34:30Am I unlovable?
34:33Are you uncomfortable?
34:36And I'm singing red, red, red, red, red
34:38Red, red, red, red, red, red
34:41Red, red, red, red, red, red, red
34:44I'm singing red, red, red, red, red, red
34:49Red, red, red, red, red, red
34:52Red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red.
34:57I'm angry, I'm nice, I'm fuming, I'm fine.
35:00Moosings leave me feintin' like jacquelinehyde.
35:03Uncle Rob, it's about to get rough.
35:05I'm on a rollercoaster and I wanna get off.
35:08I've got a UTI, I've got no drive.
35:11Big surprise, my libido took a nosedive.
35:14Night sweats, too tired for sex.
35:16Lie awake thinking about killin' my ass.
35:19Am I a physical?
35:21Am I untouchable?
35:23Am I unknowable?
35:26Are you uncomfortable?
35:29I'm still playing.
35:59Give me H.R.T
36:29Give me H.R.T
36:59Give me H.R.T
37:01I'm seeing H.R.T
37:03I'm seeing H.R.T
37:05I'm seeing H.R.T
37:13Thanks.
37:39I'm so sorry, oh I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, no mum it's not that, it's not that, it's Cam's family they've all walked out, what, what, Cam's family have all walked out, what, oh my god, what, what, what, what is it, erm, Nisha's been
38:09involved in some sort of accident, we've gone to the hospital, it's always lovely, of course a girl, sort of accident, is she conscious, oh my god, right, I'm coming with you, we'll all come with you, no don't, there's no point, honestly, it's better if you stay here, but ring your mum, though, find out which hospital they're taking her to, come on, I'll drive you, but I'll, erm, I'll phone you when we know anything, oh my god, do we have a result, yes we do,
38:32I can now reveal that in third place, oh my goodness, it's the Riot Women, is that all, third place, yeah, yeah, what long, girls, I'm 59, sorry, ladies, who are you calling ladies, sorry, did we go back on, is there a prize, and in second place, no,
38:58Mr. Topless and his magical musical kittens, where are they, what, those kittens, and in first place, here we go, I mean it was always going to be them, wasn't it, ladies and gentlemen, it is the living legends dance troupe, oh, bad luck kids, another day, another dollar, off we pop,
39:19amazing events, amazing events, the very best, and thank you to all of you, so all that remains for me to say is, I hope that you get home very, very safely, and have a wonderful rest of your weekend, good night.
39:30APPLAUSE
39:32Thank you for making us all do it, no, no, no, thank you, yeah, thank you.
39:47Oh, it's Tom, Tom and Fern, and everyone, they're all going to meet us down to Duke, after we packed up.
39:52Oh, Felicia, yeah, yeah.
39:54Hello, sorry, my name's Jenny Lennox, my son's in year three Lenny, do you know him?
39:59No, I'm a promoter. I find bands for local venues.
40:02I didn't think I'd have my work head on tonight, but I've got to say, that was amazing.
40:06Can I talk to you?
40:07Goodness.
40:08They were excellent, weren't they?
40:09Really, really, really, really, really, really.
40:11Oh, my gosh, she really did.
40:12What are we doing now?
40:13Are we meeting them?
40:14Are we meeting Kitty?
40:16I was just saying, your mother, your other mother, she really can sing.
40:21Shall we get a shift on?
40:23Yeah.
40:27Oh, that's fantastic.
40:29That's how we meet her.
40:30Is it?
40:30Yeah.
40:31We'll cut your hair.
40:33What do you mean with the haircut?
40:35I'm going to have to go, lads.
40:36I'm going to have to go, Nancy.
40:38One of my officers has been assaulted.
40:39She's in hospital.
40:40Your mum's heading down there as well.
40:42It's one of her colleagues.
40:43You'll have to see to granny.
40:46It's just me and two handsome men.
40:48All right, come on, let's go.
40:49You know, I was quite a looker, you know, when I was young.
40:53They all fancied me.
40:55Who was that?
40:57Dad.
40:58Dad.
40:58Dad.
40:59What are you fucking dressed as?
41:19Chrissy fucking Hind, obviously.
41:22What's happened?
41:23Well, they've told me to hang around in case doctors need any more intel, so...
41:26Yeah, but what happened?
41:28She was beaten up.
41:30Beaten up how?
41:32I don't know.
41:33What does she look like?
41:35Blood.
41:37Did she get a body cam?
41:38It was smashed on the street, so...
41:41Evening, sir.
41:43Rudenko.
41:45What do we know?
41:45Well, she was stripped?
41:46Well, she was stripped.
41:49Stripped?
41:49And beaten.
41:50And handcuffed to a fire escape down Shakespeare Street, sir.
41:53Massive blow took back her head.
41:55She was basically unconscious when I got there.
41:57She couldn't speak.
41:59Her body cam had been ripped off and smashed, but hopefully they'll still be able to get something
42:02from it.
42:03And then the trauma team were here when soon as we arrived, so she must have lost a lot of blood.
42:08They've taken her into resource now, and they're saying they might have to transfer her to Jimmy's, so...
42:15Good God.
42:15Yeah.
42:16I think there might be some neurological damage, so, yeah.
42:23Bastards.
42:25Honestly, sir, the way I found her, it was disgusting.
42:30Is that the family?
42:31Yeah.
42:33Well done, lad.
42:35Sir.
43:08You're going to have to get me out of the bar, it's swamped.
43:12Right, yeah, you can go and talk to that woman.
43:15Oh, yeah, sure.
43:15Yeah, do you want to go in the bar?
43:16No, you're going to talk to Tom, love.
43:18Oh!
43:20You were amazing.
43:22Oh, hello, Graham.
43:23Really, really, very, very...
43:24This is Graham, who's Fern's dad.
43:26And you wrote that song?
43:27Yeah, we did. We've written quite a few together now.
43:29This is Tricia, who is Fern's mum.
43:31Hello.
43:32My ex-husband, Martin. How do you do?
43:34Nice, nice to meet you.
43:35Can I get you a drink?
43:36Hey, Tom.
43:36Hi, Fern. No, thanks.
43:38You know, you were my news, Summer.
43:40Kitty, you were brilliant.
43:43Oh.
43:46Thank you, love.
43:50I'm sorry that we didn't go off to a better start.
44:01I loved it.
44:02Oh, Mum.
44:03You're so good.
44:05So good.
44:06Oh.
44:06Who is it Kitty reminds me of?
44:11Tom, that's you.
44:14You're actually very good.
44:16Don't sound so surprised.
44:18You look really well.
44:20You'll have to come over for Sunday lunch sometime and meet Kitty properly.
44:23We're not this long.
44:24Yeah, I will.
44:26Oh.
44:27I need to talk to this woman.
44:28Will you excuse me?
44:29Sure.
44:29The excitement in the room, it was, oh, I just, I loved it.
44:34I loved it.
44:36Mum, do you want another day?
44:37You know what?
44:38I'd really like to fuck you.
44:39Is there any song in a band like this before?
44:44No, no, just, um, just a bit of karaoke now and again, yeah, but, um, no, not before.
44:51Kitty, can I get you something?
44:52Oh, no, no, no, thanks, Sarah.
44:54Look, I've got to go and talk to that woman.
44:55And did you grow up around here, Kitty?
44:58Um, yeah.
44:59Oh, no, not in Hepton.
45:01I grew up more like over that way, like Bradford.
45:05Fascinating.
45:06Oh, and I met your boyfriend.
45:09I've got a boyfriend.
45:10We're sitting next to him, blonde hair, friendly.
45:13Oh, no, oh, God, no, he's just some dickhead who follows me around.
45:15Oh, he told me he was your boyfriend.
45:17I see.
45:18And you've only been rehearsing for six...
45:20There's a lot I can help you with, if you're interested.
45:21You presumably got yourselves out there on social media.
45:23No, Judy, we haven't done anything.
45:25We only got together for this talent contest,
45:27and then we discover that we really can write our own stuff.
45:31Can you all stop pushing, please?
45:33You're not going to get served any faster.
45:35Do you want me to help you?
45:38Yeah.
45:42Thanks.
45:43You want me to help, Jessie?
45:47Come on.
45:49Right, when are you ready, Jessie?
45:50Wait, wait, even one minute.
45:51Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
45:52Oh, thanks.
45:53You know, you were amazing tonight.
45:55You have to come and put for me in my back.
45:58The tikes are going to love you.
46:00Yeah, yeah, well, we'll see about that.
46:01Can I grab some crisps as well?
46:03Yeah, and if you shove a brush up my arse,
46:04I'll sweep the floor as I go along.
46:05And what do your family do?
46:07I haven't got any family.
46:09None at all?
46:10Er, well, yeah, this is my dad, but, um...
46:15Anyway, look, sorry, I've got to go and talk to this lady.
46:17Of course, it was so lovely to meet you.
46:19I do hope we see you again.
46:20Oh, dear.
46:23Could I just say, I know it's not my business,
46:27but I think it's important Tom's talked to us
46:30about everything, and I know it's something
46:33you must find difficult, but I think it's important
46:36for someone like Tom, psychologically, you know,
46:40to know who his father is.
46:43Is that something you might want to get together
46:45and talk about?
46:47I'd like to help.
46:48Yeah, well, you're not helping.
46:49I'm whispering obscene shit in my ear
46:51isn't helping anyone either.
46:53You're a pregnant wanker.
46:55Oh.
46:56Okay.
46:58Well,
46:59I wouldn't fuck you anyway, darling.
47:02Not for any amount of money.
47:04You die in a ditch, wandering, you.
47:06I call the rest of the dirty, nasty, funny.
47:15I have absolutely no idea what that was about.
47:44What happened?
47:53Well,
47:53what, what, what was sad?
48:02I just, I was complimenting her on her performance,
48:07and, oh, I may have, what,
48:10hinted that she really ought to talk to you about your,
48:12who your biological father is.
48:17I'm sorry, I am sorry,
48:18but I do think at some point, for your sake,
48:20it's something she's going to have to talk about.
48:23But, yeah,
48:24maybe now wasn't the time to say it.
48:26Right, do you need,
48:26do you think you need an ambulance?
48:28God, no.
48:29I am so sorry, Gray.
48:31Don't be silly, you don't need to be sorry.
48:32Did you bang your head?
48:33Oh, my God.
48:37It's going to fall out.
48:38I've got a meeting on Monday with some really important people,
48:41and that is going to fall out.
48:44You all right, Mum?
48:45I mean, I just, I don't like violence.
48:48Excuse me.
48:49Sorry, sorry.
48:50Excuse me.
48:52There is she.
48:53Not answering her book.
48:54How's she going to get home now?
49:01I mean, there aren't any more buses.
49:02Not at this time,
49:03not back up to where we are.
49:04Maybe she's already got a taxi back up there.
49:06I've no way of knowing that.
49:08Not if she won't answer it.
49:09Are you all right?
49:12Don't worry about her.
49:13Why?
49:14She's not a child.
49:15Because she's vulnerable.
49:16When I first met her,
49:17she was homeless.
49:17Just six weeks ago,
49:19she was homeless.
49:19Do you want us to come back to the house
49:21and wait with you?
49:22Well, yes,
49:23but then if I got a lift with you,
49:25I can leave my car keys with Jess
49:26and I can text Kitty to say she has them
49:28and then she can just drive herself back.
49:29Hang on.
49:30Kitty drives your car?
49:31Yeah, well, she often does her late shift.
49:33I don't believe this.
49:33Does she pay you any rent?
49:34Yeah, she does pay me rent.
49:36Not much, but she doesn't have much, though.
49:38Oh, God!
49:39I can't leave the car here.
49:40It's got all the equipment in the back.
49:42Well, maybe we could put it into yours.
49:43Yeah, and
49:44you do realise
49:45that she could just drive off with it?
49:47Where to?
49:48Anywhere.
49:49Why would she do that?
49:54What?
49:58He's been listening to a podcast.
50:00Sorry?
50:01There's a real-life crime series
50:03called Gangs of the North
50:05and
50:05one of them...
50:07One of them is about them.
50:09The Eckersleys.
50:10Keith Eckersley.
50:11And his sons,
50:12her brothers.
50:13And the...
50:14Well, most of them are in prison.
50:16Or dead.
50:17But when they ran Bradford,
50:18they weren't very nice people.
50:20Oh.
50:21Drugs.
50:22Money laundry.
50:23Violence.
50:23Torture.
50:24Shall I go on?
50:25Kitty's not like that.
50:26She has just hit Graham!
50:28You obviously don't know what she's like.
50:29You see her through rose-tinted glasses
50:31for some reason.
50:32I wish you could be a hit kinder about her.
50:34Kinder?
50:35We came to see your show.
50:36We came to see your show
50:37and she hit Graham.
50:39Who's she going to hit next?
50:40You!
50:44I'm going to try her.
50:45One last time.
50:45I'm going to go home.
51:01She can always knock on Jessie's door.
51:03And, um...
51:05Well, she doesn't expect me to stay here, can she?
51:07If she's not going to answer my calls.
51:11Shall we go with you?
51:17It's up to you.
51:17Oh, no, no, no, no, Inez, no, no, no, no, no.
51:47Hey, we're celebrating.
51:49Come on.
51:50You know, you're loving a granny, mother.
51:51Especially one of Inez's.
51:53Fucking hell.
51:54Oh, my God.
51:57Ah, look at us.
51:59Hey, you and me.
52:03This is the healing power
52:06of your beautiful music, Jessie.
52:11Where's Miranda?
52:12She's got a red down the bog.
52:13Why are you keeping an eye on her?
52:14Yeah, well, I mean,
52:15she doesn't usually drink like a pill, does she?
52:18Oh, my God.
52:19I feel all emotional.
52:22Why do I feel so emotional?
52:24Oh, my God.
52:26It was so good on that stage.
52:29Oh, and then shit.
52:31Nisha.
52:32Fucking hell, Kitty.
52:34Do you think,
52:35do you think he said something lewd to her?
52:37That Graham?
52:38I mean, do you think that's what?
52:42Maybe.
52:46Is that what...
52:47my Steve did to you?
52:53Said lewd things.
52:54I don't know why I never listen to you.
53:04Oh, it's always had this silly, bloody effect on me.
53:08It still does.
53:09If you walk through that door right now,
53:12I...
53:12I still fall for it.
53:13I am...
53:14I feel emotional, too.
53:16You know why?
53:19Because I'm back here, Jessie.
53:21In your place,
53:22with its big, beating heart, and...
53:24I love you.
53:29I never stop loving you.
53:31Even when...
53:33you hated me.
53:34Well, I mean...
53:36It was just when you went broadcasting
53:37to all my fucking Sandra.
53:39Only because...
53:40you didn't listen to me.
53:42I've...
53:43I was humiliated.
53:46I couldn't face me own customers.
53:48Do you know what it's like?
53:50You know, and then everything went, ticks up.
53:54OK, now...
53:56you have to forgive me.
54:01For Chloe's sake,
54:02for the baby's sake,
54:05for our life's sakes.
54:07Yeah, the babies aren't half missing you, you know, Mum.
54:10Oh, well, and I'm missing them at all.
54:14Well, you know we don't have
54:16a massive load of room in that flat.
54:18So we were thinking
54:20what Inez...
54:21Inez was thinking
54:22that she could let her flat out.
54:25and, like, raise some money, you know,
54:26so we could get somewhere bigger.
54:28A house for all of us.
54:30But obviously, they'd need...
54:32Well, we'd need...
54:34We'd need somewhere in between.
54:35So, you know, so they don't feel like
54:37they're being shoved around all over the place.
54:41Oh, are I here?
54:42And all the stars were just like
54:53when the fish
54:54You should learn when to go
54:58You should learn how to say no
55:04You should learn how to have a flood.
55:12Mine is forever
55:15My yesterday
55:19Mine is forever
55:25When they get what they want
55:28And we'll never want it again
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