Skip to playerSkip to main content
BRITCOM I
  • 2 days ago

Category

📺
TV
Transcript
00:00The thing about life, you've got to grab it by the fucking balls.
00:12At the end of the day, there's two types of people in this world.
00:16There's the fucking losers, and that's the fucking winners.
00:22And Ronnie Croft, Ronnie Croft is a fucking winner.
00:28Satisfied?
00:29Oh, I won't be satisfied until you take me right here, right now.
00:45I said wake up!
00:50Get your things. You're going home, you loser.
00:52The best things in life are free.
01:04You filthy deviant suzerate to party like it's too hurtin' and sick.
01:082006? Fuck off. Is that how long ago we were at school?
01:11Yeah.
01:12Yeah, we're old, mate. We're very, very old.
01:13Tom, what do you need a business card for?
01:15Jesus fucking Christ. We haven't noticed. We're balls deep in a fucking rebrand, love.
01:18Have you not seen your mother? She's a Bavarian beer wench. Look.
01:21Go on, give us a jiggle. Love, let too much jiggle.
01:23Now that Ernst is a secret investor, I've had to German the place up a bit, haven't I?
01:27Bringing new faces through the door, crucially, because I don't want to remind you, but I am the man who was voted most likely to be a millionaire in year 11.
01:35And the man that shot himself in year 8.
01:37Shut up and have your chance.
01:38Yes!
01:39Cheers!
01:39Sláinte, to your heads.
01:41Good night, Rhian, Borla.
01:42Cheers.
01:44Oh my god, I'm so excited!
01:46You didn't even go to our school.
01:47Well, a night out's a night out, innit?
01:49And you spin not come in?
01:50No, it's too painful.
01:51You know, going back without Dylan.
01:53Yeah.
01:55JJ!
01:55Hmm, what's wrong with you?
01:57Sonny's ill, so I was just up all night.
01:59Listen, are you sure you just don't want to go on your own?
02:02This is the first night out we've had in ages.
02:04You promised me a good night.
02:05JJ, stop your whining.
02:07Get a bratwurst down your mouth!
02:08Give myself a semi!
02:09Oh!
02:10Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
02:12Fuck the right off out of it.
02:14No, have you told him we're here?
02:15No, it wasn't me.
02:17Why didn't you tell me that you was in town?
02:20Because why would you?
02:21Why would you?
02:21Yeah, very much.
02:22You wouldn't.
02:24You know what?
02:24I'll just be happy to accept me bag of gifts,
02:27and I'll be on me fucking way.
02:28Okay?
02:29What are you on about?
02:30Good one, Harry.
02:32It's Ronnie Croft's 39th voyage around the sun.
02:35Yeah?
02:35It's Ronnie Croft's birthday today.
02:38So me and you, why don't we go out?
02:39We'll have a nice little dance.
02:41We'll paint the town blue.
02:42Come on.
02:43Fine.
02:44Fine.
02:44No, Erin!
02:45It's his birthday.
02:46A key component of going back to your own school
02:48and proving to everyone
02:49that you are in fact now a very, very big dog
02:51is not to bring a hunt like Ronnie Croft with you.
02:55Wait, wait, wait.
02:56What do you mean you're going back to school?
02:57Why are you going back to school?
02:58At a school reunion.
02:59Right, technically, I did go to that school,
03:01so he is allowed to go.
03:03I'd just rather he didn't.
03:05I didn't.
03:05Listen to me now, right?
03:07You do not embarrass me tonight.
03:09When have I ever embarrassed you?
03:19Has it always been the shit?
03:21What is that smell?
03:22That, Ashley, is Tipexon semen,
03:25the scent of youth.
03:26Let's get smashed.
03:27Come on, Javier.
03:28Oh, sugar.
03:28Come on!
03:32Alice.
03:33Hello.
03:34Ashley Dennings, as I live and breathe.
03:38Or should I say,
03:38Holly's answer to Marlon Brando.
03:41Mrs. Lee.
03:42My old drama teacher.
03:44How are dolls?
03:46Can I let some drink?
03:47Come on.
03:50And when your pastry is all golden
03:53and tight over your meat,
03:56reach in and slide her.
03:58out of the oven.
04:02Sickness!
04:03Vincent!
04:04Whoa!
04:04Fucking hell!
04:07Christ, Amish Fagin.
04:08That was really fucking unkind.
04:10What the fuck am I going to do now there?
04:11You pick it up and you eat it.
04:13The world is on fire, Vincent.
04:16Humanity has gone to shit.
04:18And we don't need you
04:18wasting good pies now, do we?
04:20No.
04:21Now be a good boy
04:22and grab us a couple of forks.
04:24There's been a development
04:25with kittens.
04:28So after the buyout, me and the wife
04:33decided to up to six,
04:34half our time here,
04:35half our time in New York.
04:36Oh yes, New York.
04:37I'm always over there.
04:39Really?
04:39Which bit?
04:40Just everywhere.
04:42What about business?
04:44Not still flogging gobstoppers?
04:45I'm a long way past confectionery now, sweetheart.
04:50Yes, sir.
04:50Actually, I own the Rat and Cutter.
04:52In time.
04:53Yeah, yeah.
04:54Once I recently acquired
04:55a gastro-establishment.
04:56Right, who wants another bratwurst?
05:00Big plant.
05:01I think about your performance
05:12in Evita.
05:13Once a week,
05:14those thighs really
05:15did tell a thousand words.
05:17Tell me you still perform.
05:18Well, I've been developing
05:20a YouTube personality.
05:21YouTube?
05:22Yeah.
05:23With thighs like those.
05:25That body was destined
05:26to be in a leotard
05:27on a stage as well.
05:33Tell me, tell me.
05:34What, what, what?
05:35Is that Bruno Hodge?
05:36Oh.
05:36Do you remember
05:37not that they set fire
05:37to all those bins?
05:39Oh, smile, Erin.
05:40Don't need them to hang
05:40rats outside your house.
05:42Hello, right.
05:43Right, then.
05:44No, no, no.
05:44Come on.
05:47So that's like actual fruit, yeah.
05:50That's all right, innit?
05:50Save that fuck here, though.
05:57Ah!
06:00Monnet!
06:01Oh, fuck.
06:01I'm sorry.
06:02I'm sorry.
06:04Oh, yeah.
06:06Hey.
06:10I wasn't nicking anything.
06:11I wanted to put the...
06:12No, no, no, no.
06:13I don't give a shit.
06:14I don't give a fuck.
06:18There's an out here anyway,
06:19just a packet of ciggies
06:21and a book
06:21on overcoming intrusive thoughts.
06:23Oh, no.
06:23You're Declan Duggan,
06:27aren't you?
06:28Yeah.
06:29Declan Duggan.
06:31I belong.
06:31We used to sit next to each other
06:32in food technology.
06:34No, I'm Declan.
06:35Yeah, I mean, that's me.
06:36I, uh, I heard
06:37you're really successful now.
06:39You're hedge fund manager
06:40of some app.
06:40My hedge fund manager, yeah.
06:41There's just hedges
06:42all over the gaff.
06:43I trim them, I water them,
06:44I kind of just like
06:45tend to them, etc.
06:46and so on, basically.
06:47That's really impressive.
06:49Thank you very much.
06:50I love a man
06:51who can manage a good hedge.
06:52Oh, my fucking God.
07:00This is suddenly
07:00the best birthday of all time.
07:02Meet me in the science lab.
07:04Ten minutes.
07:07Yeah.
07:10He's deigned
07:11to offer a peace meeting
07:14tomorrow, 7pm,
07:15eighth floor
07:16of the JSB car park
07:18in Manchester.
07:18A car park?
07:19Oh, what did you expect, sweetheart?
07:22Patricia's patisserie.
07:24She touches
07:25extra for oats milk.
07:26All I'm saying
07:27is a car park,
07:29it doesn't feel peace-ish.
07:30It feels a little bit...
07:31It feels a bit stabby.
07:34Exactly.
07:35Which is why
07:36I need you to drive me there.
07:37Oh!
07:38Besides,
07:39that is only
07:41the first half
07:42of my plan.
07:43What's the second half?
07:44Just in case
07:48Miss Kittens
07:49decides to do
07:50something stupid,
07:51you're my backup.
07:55Oh, fuck!
07:56No!
07:56No!
07:57Dude!
07:58Christ, on a fucking bike!
07:59No!
08:00I am Zen now.
08:01All right?
08:02Crystals and stupid shit
08:03like a Zen...
08:04Zen...
08:05Look, green tea!
08:06You owe me, Vincent.
08:07You owe me.
08:09Do you remember?
08:11I did not save your life
08:12just for you
08:12to be ungrateful.
08:15I'll be back tomorrow afternoon.
08:17Just make sure
08:17that you're ready to go.
08:19Hmm.
08:21So what about
08:22Mrs Longworth?
08:23Is she still here?
08:24She's dead too.
08:25Oh!
08:26They're all dead now.
08:28Mr Albury.
08:29Mr Jackson.
08:30Mr Treilty.
08:31At least you're not dead.
08:32Well, I'm waiting
08:35on some test results.
08:36Oh, God.
08:38Well, talking about Deather,
08:39I was sorry to hear
08:41about Dylan's passing.
08:42Ah, thank you.
08:43That's kind.
08:44I actually have
08:45something of his
08:46if you want to see.
08:48He mapped out
08:50every major star
08:51and comet
08:51and where they
08:52would be seen
08:53from Earth.
08:53Oh!
08:55He spent nearly
08:55every afternoon
08:56of Year 11
08:57working on it.
08:58So that's where
08:58I spent most of his time
08:59that year then.
09:00No, I feel bad
09:01for starting that rumour
09:02that he was
09:02shagging the librarian.
09:03You started it?
09:05Yeah.
09:05Angela had a
09:06disciplinary hearing.
09:08She still got it
09:08on her record.
09:09Sorry.
09:10Sorry.
09:12Ah, that is special.
09:14We submitted his chart
09:15to the National
09:16Astronomy Society
09:17competition
09:18and he won.
09:19Got a star
09:20named after him.
09:21Dylan Golding star.
09:22Hidden talents.
09:24You should have
09:24all of this
09:25as the people
09:26closest to him.
09:28Remind yourselves
09:28just how bright
09:29that boy was.
09:32Thanks, yeah.
09:35Oh, yes.
09:36Well, he really
09:37was a wonderful artist.
09:41Detailed.
09:41Yeah, detailed.
09:42Olbers.
09:43Oh, yeah.
09:43That's it.
09:44Who's your name?
09:45Who's your boss?
09:46Yeah.
09:47Hit me.
09:48Yeah, what?
09:48Fucking hit me.
09:49Take it.
09:49Slap me.
09:50Yeah.
09:51Harder.
09:51Grab my balls.
09:53Grab my balls.
09:54Oh, fucking hell.
09:55Have you got three hands?
09:58He's dancing.
09:59He's so bad
10:00it's making me feel nauseous.
10:01Like, literally nauseous.
10:02Like, oh.
10:03This is the best night
10:04of my life.
10:05Honestly, Sugar,
10:06having that baby
10:06I seriously distorted
10:08your concept of fun.
10:09JJ, let's do shots.
10:10No.
10:11Come on, shots.
10:12She's like a fucking machine.
10:14Oh, oh.
10:15Drama teacher.
10:1511 o'clock.
10:16Clock past 11.
10:17Brush yourself.
10:18Yeah, half 11.
10:18Yeah, I've got it, Erin.
10:19Ashley, you'll never believe
10:22what's happened.
10:23Mr. Gibbons, my duet partner,
10:25has been involved
10:25in a pileup on the M60.
10:27I don't know what I'm gonna do.
10:29We practiced all week.
10:31Mrs. Waithe,
10:33Brett Knot,
10:34the show will go on.
10:36Really?
10:37Show me my mark.
10:39Oh, this way.
10:43But Ashley?
10:44That woman is an apex predator.
10:48Oh, my God.
10:53Apparently, he bummed a dog.
10:55Yeah, he bums poodles, yeah.
10:56Poodles?
10:57I kind of get it with the poodles.
10:58Do you?
10:59What do you think?
10:59It's just like the curly hair and that.
11:01Oh, my God.
11:02It is you.
11:04It's Runny Ronnie.
11:05I thought that was you earlier,
11:06scurrying off.
11:08How's it going, Runny?
11:09It's Declan, actually.
11:11And he's way more successful
11:12than you, TJ.
11:13You think this is Declan?
11:14No.
11:15No, this is Ronnie fucking cropped.
11:18You've been telling Porky.
11:19He always was a little bullshitter.
11:21Fuck off, TJ, yeah?
11:23Just fuck off.
11:25What?
11:26I said fuck off, TJ.
11:29Oh, you look like you want to hit me.
11:31I want to hit you, yeah.
11:32You want to fight me?
11:33Yeah.
11:34Do you want to fight me, Ranty?
11:35Fuck off.
11:37Someone's had a bit too much to drink.
11:39Runny.
11:40Fuck, I'm sorry, TJ.
11:41Oh, you fucking...
11:50Oh, you fucking...
11:52Oh, you fucking...
11:54Fucking...
11:55Tough night.
11:58Why do men have to be fucking dickheads?
12:00TJ fucking Thompson.
12:02He's been the band of me life
12:03bullying me from fucking day one, man.
12:06But it's not like he didn't get enough out of me
12:07when we was at school.
12:11He used to lock me in the fucking basement every day.
12:14Well, I know how you feel, pal.
12:16I was bullied here, too.
12:18I came here tonight to confront the dickhead
12:20who made my life hell.
12:22Fuck, I didn't turn up.
12:25Waited years.
12:27Just wanted to fight back.
12:30That's it.
12:32That's it.
12:33Fight back.
12:35Fucking fight back for once.
12:36I want to...
12:39Do you know what?
12:40I'd fucking kill him if I could.
12:42But you can, can you?
12:46You got a motive.
12:47Everyone knows you.
12:48Oh, yeah.
12:49Oh, yeah, well, everyone...
12:50Yeah, of course.
12:51Ronnie Croft, dude.
12:52Blame Ronnie Croft.
12:53Maybe I should do it for you.
12:57I was in the air above.
12:58No one knows me.
13:01Hey.
13:04I could get TJ.
13:06And you could get mine.
13:12Hey, wouldn't it be good to just fucking win?
13:15Do you know what?
13:16You're fucking right there.
13:17You're fucking right there.
13:18That's it.
13:18It's about winning fucking once, innit?
13:20It's a fucking great plan, aren't you?
13:22Class of 2006.
13:30What a night we've had, eh?
13:32And I've just had some good news from the hospital about Mr Gibbons.
13:35No internal bleeding.
13:37I'm stepping in for him tonight.
13:39I just want you to put your hands together for the most amazing...
13:42Ashley Demmings!
13:46Oh, fuck this.
13:49Yeah, bravo.
13:51Oh, baby.
13:55Close, close that to me.
13:58Place your chest against mine.
14:01Feel my heart beat.
14:05Oh, baby.
14:06I love how that belt fits.
14:09The way it hangs so low.
14:12So low on your hips, my darling.
14:16I want you so.
14:17Your body gives me such a thrill
14:21As it leans against mine
14:24I love how it feels
14:27Oh, God.
14:28As you lean against mine
14:30The smell of burning leather
14:34As we hold each other tight
14:37As our rivets rub together
14:41Flashing sparks into the night
14:44Darling, if you really care for me
14:49Let me say it now
14:51Don't touch me there
14:53Don't touch me there
14:57Don't touch me there
15:00Don't touch me there
15:04Yes, yes, yes
15:16Oh, morning.
15:17Yep, yep, yep
15:18All the fucking gang's here, yeah?
15:19No
15:20Oh, yes, ah
15:22I don't know
15:23What, what, what, hi
15:25What are you playing at?
15:27Is he becoming a regular fixture now?
15:28I never agree to that
15:29Oh, my God, if you would
15:31Apparently that TJ Thompson
15:33Never made it home last night
15:34They think something's happened to him
15:36They found a bloody trail
15:37Not like a trail of blood
15:39I could get TJ
15:41And you could get mine
15:44Fucking hell
15:46What are you doing?
15:47Right, do you know TJ?
15:49He's gone fucking missing
15:49Has that?
15:51Yep
15:51What's got to do with you?
15:55Okay
15:56I was talking with this fella last night
15:59And I was saying I wanted something bad
16:01To happen to TJ
16:02Like
16:02Right
16:03He goes
16:04I'll do that for you
16:06But you've got to do something to some fella for me
16:09Me?
16:09What are you talking about?
16:10What fella?
16:11I don't fucking know
16:12But I'm now thinking
16:13He's fucking done something
16:15He's probably waiting for me to go and do something for him
16:18In return of the expectation of fucking
16:20No, no, no, no, run it
16:21Think about it
16:22No one expects anything from you
16:24Yeah
16:25Yeah
16:27You'd have to be nuts, wouldn't you
16:28To ask me to do something for you
16:29Yeah
16:29Now Sunday wedding
16:30You do make me feel better
16:31Like a lot of the time
16:32Alright
16:32Okay, go on
16:33Don't worry, you hand shagging
16:36Stop saying weird shit like that
16:39Ah
16:41Good morning all
16:42I'm going to need all of you down at the station
16:45To discuss last night
16:46And anything you know
16:47About TJ Thompson
16:49Aaron Croft
16:53Yeah
16:53Come with me
16:54What's going on?
16:56Just ask
16:57Fucking hell
16:59Right, I have to sign in
17:01Ronnie Croft
17:02If that's his real name
17:03Oh, it is
17:04He's literally in here all the time
17:06Theft
17:07Drunken disorderly
17:08Afraid
17:08Yeah, I wasn't charged though, was I?
17:10Harper
17:11Harper
17:12Oh, fuck me
17:14Last night
17:16All that fucking drunken chat
17:18About how we want to get TJ fucked up
17:20Because I'm on like my final fucking warning here
17:23Oh yeah
17:24Of course
17:25Okay, so we've got
17:26Fuck all to do with that shite
17:28A drunken mouth speaks of sober heart, Ronnie
17:32We all know that
17:32He's still alive
17:38Just incapacitated
17:40For now
17:42I didn't have anything to fucking do with it
17:44This is you
17:44You're a one man show
17:45What about the bit where you said you'd kill him?
17:48No
17:48Because you're just putting words in my fucking mouth, Dev
17:51Do you know what?
17:53I'd fucking kill him if I could
17:54Ron
18:02Ronnie
18:03You really think I didn't make a copy?
18:07You made a fucking copy, didn't you?
18:08See, here's the thing
18:09You're going to do your end of the bargain
18:12Because that's what's fair, isn't it?
18:14I got yours
18:14And you're going to get mine
18:16I've waited a long time for my vengeance, Ronnie
18:20And if you don't do it then
18:22Well, that recording's going to go straight into the inbox of Carl Slater
18:25You're a fucking psychopath
18:28You're a fucking loser
18:31I don't do a favour
18:34You're the only person to ever do anything for you
18:37Why do you think that is?
18:40It's because no one cares about your flower
18:42So
18:43You're welcome
18:45You keep shtum
18:47And I see you outside, cocker
18:50Oh, fuck
18:55So
18:57Good night last night
18:59Not that
19:01Sure I saw a bit of a row
19:03Between you and TJ
19:05No, no
19:06Little tiff by the punch bowl
19:09No
19:09Interesting, because
19:11Do you know what I'm thinking?
19:13Is it about bumming a dog?
19:16I think last night you snapped
19:17I think after the reunion
19:20You decided to get your own back
19:23After TJ humiliated you
19:25No
19:26I know you've got something to do with this
19:28I'm on to your honour
19:30Well?
19:38Do you mean
19:39I didn't fucking say anything, okay?
19:42Goodbye
19:43Smart move
19:45I just want this over with
19:47Right, okay then
19:49So who do you want me to get?
19:53Vincent O'Neill
19:56Oh, for fuck's sake
19:58Shit
20:02Right, are you sure?
20:08You mean fucking Vinny
20:10He's not a bad lad, you know
20:11He's a fucking dick
20:12But he's soft
20:13He's soft
20:13He's like fucking
20:14Heavily tattooed margarine
20:16You don't know what he did to me
20:17It was 2006
20:21Year 11
20:23Yeah, yeah
20:26Vincent Dinnon
20:29Quiet, please
20:30Or I will send you out
20:31It was a particularly hot day
20:32And Mrs. Skloda was looking
20:34Sublime
20:36As always
20:37So I rushed to tend to myself
20:40When I heard a voice
20:42The voice of an angel
20:44Bruno, are you okay?
20:46You should be in my room right now
20:48Is that you, Mrs. Skloda?
20:50Yes, it's me
20:51Oh, Bruno, you naughty boy
20:54You really shouldn't be doing that
20:56Without my help
20:57It was the most
20:58Profound sexual experience
21:01I've ever had
21:01And it was all a lie
21:04You naughty, naughty boy, Bruno, lad
21:06And I've been haunted
21:10By that voice ever since, Ronnie
21:12Oi, just watch the road, mate
21:13I've lost all confidence
21:13The few times I did get with a girl
21:15I pump focus
21:16I can't even get hard anymore
21:18It's all because of
21:19Vincent O'Neill
21:22And the way his
21:23His tongue danced
21:26On those vowels
21:27Now, here's what I want you to do
21:29I want you
21:31To film him
21:33Wanking
21:34What, what, why?
21:37That's right
21:38I want Vincent O'Neill
21:41With his todger out
21:42And let's see how he likes
21:43His personal preferences broadcast
21:45Eh?
21:46Eh?
21:47Yeah
21:47There you are
21:52Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
21:53What is this stinky vibe
21:55You're bringing in here?
21:56I know this sounds ridiculous
21:57But I think, ironically
21:59It's about to do something
22:00Really fucking stupid
22:01Last night
22:02He got talking to someone
22:03And made this drunken deal
22:04About getting revenge
22:06On TJ Thompson
22:07And now TJ's missing
22:08Exactly
22:09Sorry, sorry, sorry
22:11Since when have we started
22:11Bandying around
22:12Words like revenge
22:13And me
22:13It's a bit agatha Christie
22:14It was just a drunken chat
22:16Was it not?
22:16I mean, he didn't actually do it
22:18But the deal was made
22:19With Bruno Hodge
22:20And I've just seen Ronnie
22:22Getting into his car
22:23Oh, God
22:24I think he's taking TJ
22:25As leverage
22:26Until Ronnie does
22:27Whatever fucked up thing
22:27Bruno wants him to do
22:28Right
22:29Yes, no
22:30I hear you
22:30And I very, very much
22:31Am trying my best to care
22:32But obviously
22:33It is Ronnie, isn't it?
22:34Yes, yes
22:35Oh!
22:36It is Ronnie
22:37But he's son of fucking brother
22:38I mean, I don't want
22:39Carl Slater
22:40Pinning on him
22:41Because he's an easy target
22:42Yeah, okay
22:42What do you want us to do?
22:43Right, I think we should go
22:43To Bruno's house
22:44I think we can start there
22:45And work out where Bruno's put him
22:46He's not bloody in
22:50Hello
22:54Hello there
22:55This is Dawson's
22:55Pulling some fittings
22:56Your landlord's called
22:57And say you can't access
22:58Your water meter
22:58And I think back to water meter
22:59Is that you
23:00Ah, et voila
23:01Well done
23:01Well done
23:02Oh, that's it
23:03Watch out, lads
23:04I need to roll up
23:05Just try the handle
23:06Oh, do you look at that
23:08There we go
23:09Come on
23:12What the fuck?
23:42Get the fuck out
23:52Ronnie, get the fuck out
23:53Unbelievable
23:54Do you know what I'd like?
23:55To be able to come home
23:57And not be accosted
23:58In my own fucking house
23:59You've accosted me
24:00Fucking Kevin Accostner
24:01How have I
24:01Kevin Accostner'd you
24:02If you're in my fucking cupboard
24:04I wandered in
24:05I comes in
24:06I think
24:07How's me mate Vinny doing?
24:09No, you didn't
24:10You're just so full
24:10Of fucking shit
24:11Ronnie
24:11Why would I be mates
24:12With a cunt like you?
24:13You're hard work
24:14Fuck off
24:15I kind of wish
24:16People had stopped
24:17Saying that mate
24:18Because it's fucking
24:19Getting to me a little bit
24:19I get it
24:20No one fucking likes me
24:21I thought you were meant
24:22To be all about
24:23The mental health stuff now
24:24Alright, alright
24:24Fair enough
24:25Yeah, I'm sorry
24:25Yeah, I'm sorry
24:26Here we go
24:27Tell me what's going on
24:29Can I just have a little film
24:30If you happen to masturbate please
24:32The fuck is wrong with you
24:33Dude, no you can't film
24:34You're having a fucking wank
24:35Get out Ron
24:36What if I just give you
24:37A little up and out
24:37Weird
24:38No Ronnie
24:38Dude, take this fucking nerve
24:40Just do it
24:41No, my willy's come out
24:42Oh, hello
24:43Am I interrupting something?
24:45Nothing major
24:46To be honest
24:47Are you ready to go Vincent?
24:48100% can't wait to get out of here
24:49That's not weird
24:51Weird, all of it
24:51Very strict, disturbing
24:52I'm gonna get
24:53Get the fuck out
24:54He told you to get out
24:57So fuck off
24:58Is he fucking
24:59He said fuck off
24:59Is that a real gun?
25:00Yes
25:01Fuck me
25:01Get your coat
25:04It's cold out
25:05Look well without that beard
25:07Hurry up, Vincent
25:09I cannot be late
25:10Kittens will see this as a slight
25:12You capisce?
25:15Oh shit
25:16Oh no
25:17What's happening?
25:20Why have you stopped?
25:22Why have you stopped?
25:23I'm gonna be late
25:23I don't fucking know, dude
25:24He's making a noise
25:25No
25:27You had one job
25:30One fucking job
25:31That was the deal
25:32Yeah, and he fucking
25:33He said no
25:34He said no, Bruno
25:35So what do you want me to do?
25:37Force a man to have a fucking wank
25:39So just fucking take me to TJ now
25:41Or I'm gonna go full on fucking Ronnie Croft
25:44Alright
25:47I'll take it to him now
25:50I'll get in the car then
25:52Respect
25:53There's no fucking reception
25:58Piss
25:59Fuck
26:00What are we gonna do, sweetheart?
26:02Oh
26:03Oh
26:04Oh, it's that fat red
26:06Can this day get any worse?
26:12Oi, oi
26:13You alright?
26:15Do we look alright?
26:17Well, any ideas?
26:19Yeah
26:19The alternator can't return the power to the battery
26:22It's fucked
26:24Fucking hell
26:26Going to town if it helps
26:28I don't know
26:29I mean
26:32Listen
26:34If you want to make that peace meeting
26:36We have to go with Ed
26:38Mmm
26:38Alright
26:40Just don't breathe a word about what we're up to
26:42And if you need to mention kittens
26:44Then
26:45Say the word doggies
26:47Or puppies
26:47Puppies
26:47Nice
26:48Puppies, we'll do that
26:49Are you in or out?
26:50In
26:50Oh, it's terrifying
26:53The inner workings of a bona fide fruitcake
26:55Wait, there's no one here, lads
26:56I've checked everywhere
26:57There's nothing here
26:58Just a load of
26:59Creepy old bric-a-brac
27:01But I feel off
27:02I feel like someone watching me
27:03Settle, battle
27:04Alright, Ashley
27:05Look
27:06In the immortal words
27:07Of Tiffany
27:08I think we're alone now
27:09You see
27:09There's no one here
27:10Don't worry about it
27:11We are absolutely alone
27:12Everything is completely
27:14Fine
27:15So what are you two up to then?
27:22Oh, we got a big job
27:23But I can't tell you what it is yet
27:26Yeah, because we don't know what it is yet
27:28It's for my uncle though
27:29And you weren't disappointed
27:30What about you two?
27:32We're off to see a puppy
27:33Puppy?
27:35What kind of puppy?
27:37One that does it, it's told
27:38Oh, shit
27:39Fuck
27:41Get a fuck out of the road
27:44Faye
27:45Don't show her
27:46She's old
27:46Well, just hang on
27:48Are we not going to fucking stop for her?
27:52No
27:52Come on
27:53Dude, it's an old lady
27:54In the middle of the road
27:55He's pissing it down
27:56Vincent, I cannot be late
27:57It's fucking biblical
27:58Oh, fine
28:00Fuckity fine
28:01Pick her up
28:01Pick the bloody damsel up
28:03The more the bloody merrier
28:04Just throw it the fuck up
28:05Oh, for fuck's sake
28:06This better be quick
28:08Thank you so much for stopping
28:10Yeah, you're alright, love
28:11Don't worry about it
28:12Hey, listen
28:12Where are you headed?
28:13Are you going back to Hawley?
28:14Oh, no
28:14I'm going home to surprise my boyfriend in Manchester
28:17But I missed the bus
28:19Ah, yes
28:20Immense
28:20Listen, we're going that way
28:21We'll drop you
28:22Really?
28:22Really?
28:23What about the puppies, Vincent?
28:25He's on the way
28:26Yeah, well, it better be
28:27My uncle hates people being late
28:28Oh, fuck it up
28:41What's up, cucka?
28:44It's just a school basement
28:45I just did what you wanted me to do, Ronnie
28:50I just did what TJ used to do to you
28:52Or we could keep him down there
28:55Oh, we could keep him down there
28:55No
28:57No, no, no
28:58We've got to, um
28:59We've got to go and get him
29:01You're the boss, Ronnie Croft
29:05Oh, fuck it
29:08Oi
29:15What on earth is she doing in there, hmm?
29:18I mean, did she expire mid-excretion?
29:21She's old, isn't she?
29:22It just takes a bit longer, doesn't it?
29:24Well, she's been at it 20 fucking minutes
29:26And en route, my arsehole
29:29This is making me very late for my meeting
29:32All right, chill out
29:33We're late too
29:34Anyway, I thought you were going to see a puppy
29:36Yes, I am
29:37A very important puppy
29:40Right, come on
29:43We're ditching her in the van
29:44Chop, chop
29:44Er, no
29:45We're not ditching her in the middle of nowhere
29:47We'll fetch her then
29:49Right
29:50Oh, here she is
29:53Oh, hello, my dear
29:54I do hope we're not rushing you
29:56Thank you so much for this
29:58You've all gone out of your way
29:59Oh, no, no
30:00Not at all
30:00You know
30:02You've got beautiful eyes
30:05I can tell there's a kind man in there
30:08Nobody's said that to me before
30:11But you're lonely, aren't you?
30:15My brother died
30:16I've known grief too
30:19But you have to let it go
30:21Right, well
30:27Enough of this little interlude
30:29Better get you delivered to your sweetheart
30:32Right
30:44There we are
30:45Let's see how he likes it
30:49You two need to spend some quality time together anyway
31:02She does look a bit like him
31:22I don't fucking know, mate
31:24Oh, Nan's look the same to me
31:25No offence, love
31:26There you go, Margaret
31:29Lovely
31:30Right, we best get going
31:33Mmm
31:33Shall we?
31:35I don't want this flavour
31:36Oh, well, I'm sorry
31:38That's the only flavour you've got
31:39Well, shit in your hands and clap them too
31:41Pruno?
31:43Is that you?
31:44Where is he?
31:44Here
31:45Oh, I can see you all
31:47You think you can just break into my flat, do you?
31:49Well, I tell you what
31:50Pruno?
31:52I don't fucking want this pea suit
31:54Full of fibre, Nan
31:55It's good for your bowels
31:57Yeah
31:57Nan, you need to pack it in
31:59And you need to leave my brother out of this
32:00I was offering your brother a chance for vengeance
32:03All those years of being locked up in the school cupboard by TJ
32:07Years of being bullied and humiliated by him
32:10And he still doesn't want revenge
32:12What are you on about?
32:14What?
32:14Now, Rani was getting bullied
32:15Come on, come on
32:17It's not exactly a fucking plot twist, is it?
32:18I mean, it's running, Rani
32:19Now, listen up
32:21And listen close
32:22You're going to bring Vincent O'Neill to the school
32:26And if I get a whiff at the police
32:29I'll burn the whole thing down
32:31We're Rani inside
32:33Not ideal
32:36No, it's not ideal, is it?
32:40Help!
32:42Someone help me!
32:44Someone, please!
32:45I'm not going to fucking hurt you
32:46How the fuck do you know, Runty?
32:49What?
32:50Help!
32:51What was that?
32:52How would I know?
32:55Because you used to fucking lock me in there every day
32:58Yeah
33:00And then you went and cried about it
33:02It's a go-go gadget
33:03Fucking psychopath out there
33:04And now we're both going to fucking die
33:06You fucking bastard
33:08Fuck off
33:09Oh fucking
33:10We are really late, Vincent
33:13Has he texted back?
33:15Yes
33:15Oh
33:15Um
33:17He's saying we're doing it next week
33:18It's probably for the best, isn't it?
33:22Maybe it is, Vincent
33:23Maybe it is
33:24At least maybe we'll get lucky tonight
33:28Oh shit, look at all them
33:31Give me a minute
33:33Right
33:35Oh, it's your Uncle, Joe
33:38What?
33:39Says jobs have been moved to next week
33:40Same time, same car park
33:43I don't know, Faye
33:45It all just feels a bit dodgy
33:47No, don't worry
33:48Listen, my uncle's the big fucking cheese
33:51Right
33:52No, honestly
33:53This will be good for us
33:54All right
33:54It will
33:55Good for us, OK
33:56What the bloody hell's going on?
34:00This runner is in trouble
34:02Of course he fuck it
34:02Do you know he's been round my gaff this morning
34:04Trying to get me to wank off in front of him
34:06What?
34:06Vincent, Tomo here
34:08What kind of wank?
34:09What kind of fucking question is that?
34:10There's only one wank, dude
34:12I mean, come on, love
34:13There's, I mean, this
34:13Posh, on your side
34:14Exotic
34:15Thrust, reverse, thrust
34:16Cat, cow
34:16That would be good in the 80s
34:17That one, obviously
34:18Fruity-tooty, malevolent
34:20OK, all right
34:21Vincent, listen
34:21He's been set up by Bruno Hodge
34:23Bruno took TJ
34:24And now he's keeping them both hostage at the school
34:26He's obsessed with you
34:27It's really weird
34:28He wants to talk to you
34:29Oh, that's fantastic news
34:31Shall I see you there, then?
34:32And your classic spit and polish
34:33Shut up, Tomo
34:35It's the beginners one, aren't it?
34:36Entry level
34:37I know it well
34:37Fuck you
34:39Enough
34:40What?
34:42I tell a couple of jokes
34:44And pull a couple of pranks
34:45Do you want me fucking dead?
34:46I didn't say that
34:48I heard the recording
34:50TJ, I was fucking angry
34:52Because you pulled the same shit yesterday
34:55That you did on the first day of school
34:57And then every fucking day after that
34:59We're just fucking kids stuff, Ronnie
35:01We're not kids anymore
35:03Are we?
35:07I'm a fucking person
35:09I'm a fucking real person
35:12I'm not just some fucking
35:16Runcy little fucking
35:18Smelly fucking
35:19Shit that
35:20Everyone could just fucking kick about
35:22And smack around the end
35:23And fucking
35:24Have a go at it all the time
35:25It's all the fucking time
35:27And I know why they do it
35:30I do
35:31And that's the most annoying part
35:33Because I am a liar
35:35I am a pull shitter
35:36But
35:38If you've been told that
35:40Since day one
35:41That you're fucking nothing
35:43That you're a piece of shit
35:45By everyone
35:47All the fucking time
35:49Then you're going to start believing that
35:51Aren't you?
35:56And if you start believing that
35:57Then that's when you're going to pay in it
35:59I just want to point out
36:13The reason I locked you in that cupboard on day one
36:16Is because you nicked my fucking wallet
36:17Did I?
36:19Yeah you did
36:20I just forgot about that bit
36:22And the nickname
36:24Probably the smartest thing I ever come up with
36:30It just stuck
36:32I'm sorry
36:35Hey
36:40I'm sorry
36:42Hey
36:45I'm sorry
36:47All right
36:50Right
36:53Right
36:53Fuck this
36:54All right
36:56Shall we get out of here?
36:58It's a bit
36:59Do you suffer with your back?
37:01Oh yeah
37:01When it gets cold
37:02It's just me hips
37:03Go on
37:04You go and twat the door down
37:05Three, four, ten
37:07Fucked
37:07You do it
37:07You do it
37:08Oh guys
37:11I'm sorry
37:12Where have you been?
37:13I got stuck with an old lady
37:14About 60 miles away
37:15It's a fucking long story
37:16Right
37:16Come on
37:17Come on
37:17Can you smell petrol?
37:22Where is it?
37:23I don't know
37:24Oh Christ
37:25I'm right here
37:27If anyone moves
37:33I'll drop the lighter
37:33And this place
37:34And this place
37:34Will go up in flames
37:35Oh
37:40Now
37:42Hello
37:45Vincent
37:46Bruno
37:47Bruno
37:47Listen
37:48I can tell that you're really fucking upset dude
37:50I can tell
37:51Upset?
37:52Yes
37:53I know I'm not upset
37:54I'm enjoying this
37:57Right
37:57I've waited years
37:59For this moment
38:00To see the fear in your eyes
38:02Right
38:05It's working
38:05I just
38:06I'm wondering whether there might have been a bit of a misunderstanding gone down
38:09I don't know what you're after
38:10It's you I want
38:13Right
38:14Now take all your clothes off
38:18What the fuck is wrong with everyone?
38:21Take your fucking clothes off
38:22Or I'll do something you regret
38:24I'll see this place go up in flames
38:25I swear down
38:26I believe you Bruno
38:27I believe you
38:28Why the fuck do you want me to get me kit off for you?
38:31Because you must pay
38:33For fucking what Bruno?
38:37Oh
38:37You don't even remember do you?
38:41Man I don't remember shit
38:42I don't remember anything
38:43I'm fucking stoned all the time
38:44Yes
38:45Well let me refresh your fucking memory then
38:472006
38:49In the toilet
38:50You
38:52Pretended to be Mrs. Scloder
38:54Humiliated me
38:56I remember it
38:58I remember it
38:59It weren't me though dude
39:02It was Dylan
39:03I swear to God
39:06I can't do voices
39:07He can't
39:08He was good with voices
39:09It wasn't
39:12It wasn't you
39:14No
39:15No
39:15Well where the fuck is he?
39:22Where the fuck is Dylan?
39:24Wasn't here last night
39:25He died
39:26Well
39:31Well someone pays
39:33Someone has to pay
39:35For what I've gone through
39:36All my life
39:37Do you know how many flaccid nights
39:39I've had because of you
39:39And your stupid fucking mate?
39:42Oi
39:42Lots of information
39:43Well it's too bad
39:44Because I'm not leaving here
39:46Until we're even
39:47I want to be seen
39:49Bruno
39:51Ah
39:54Right on cue
39:55If it isn't Runty Ronnie
39:57Oi
39:58Only I get to call him that
40:00You fucking
40:01You stop now
40:03Right run it
40:03Run it don't
40:04There's petrol
40:05All over the floor
40:06Someone must pay
40:09Enough
40:09Get by this you man
40:12Fuck
40:12Oh
40:13Oh fuck
40:15Hold up
40:16Yeah you
40:19Sexy Mr. Moustache guy
40:22Hold up
40:24Ah ha
40:25Go on run it
40:26Fuck it yet
40:26No I see that
40:27Well in dude
40:28Fuck you
40:29Dude
40:31Get in
40:32Check you out
40:32I killed him
40:33I'll check he's alive
40:34Oh here we go
40:38Right now
40:39It's only a mock-up
40:40Right it's only a mock-up
40:41I've got Liz to do
40:42A draft of the poster
40:43What do we think?
40:44Come on you're a crow please
40:45I mean Mrs. Waif we're right
40:47What the fuck?
40:48Lovely
40:49Right
40:50You alright getting in?
40:54You alright?
40:55Hmm
40:55I'm just
40:57I'm sorry
40:58I'm sorry
40:58For
40:59Just causing this much
41:01Of a shit stink
41:01Again
41:02It's not your fault
41:03For once
41:05Why didn't you tell me?
41:10About what?
41:12Why didn't you tell me
41:13That you were being bullied?
41:14Come on Eddie
41:15Ronit I would have done something about it
41:16I wasn't going to do that
41:17I couldn't do that
41:18I'll talk of all the other shit
41:19I was putting you through
41:20You're still my brother
41:21Hmm
41:22Alright granted
41:23Yeah you were a massive pain in the ass
41:25I used to be a dick
41:26No you still are
41:26Come on I still am
41:27But you still are
41:28Right
41:28But you're still my brother
41:29Yeah
41:30And I still love you
41:31It's just I don't want to be
41:35A fucking nutter anymore
41:37I want to be
41:39The brother you can be proud of
41:41You know
41:41I really do
41:43And I fucking will be
41:44Alright
41:46Ow
41:49Ow
41:49What's in your hand?
41:50Ronit what is in your hand?
41:51It's a fucking cash tin
41:52Right I just
41:53I was in the headmaster's office
41:54I wasn't going to leave it
41:55Minding it
41:56Yeah
41:56So now I'll keep hold of it
41:57Alright
41:58I fucking love you Ellen
41:59I fucking love you
42:00Ah
42:03Christ
42:04What are you doing?
42:07Dylan's got a piece of that sky
42:08Do you know that?
42:10Has he?
42:11Hmm
42:11How come?
42:13He won a competition
42:14He had a star named after him
42:16Well you kept that fucking quiet
42:17Are you
42:18The entire fucking star?
42:19Yeah
42:20Christ
42:21Can you see all this
42:22You ass of a man
42:23Floppy head twat
42:26Christ
42:27It better be that bloody bright one there
42:29That's a plane Vin
42:30No
42:30That may seem
42:33Me too
42:34Ah
42:35Me and my husband
42:45Vernon
42:46We met at this night
42:47That Curtis started
42:48I want us to have
42:49One last rave together
42:50Mary Noises
42:53About an illegal rave
42:54I can't do it
42:55Like my old mate
42:56Matty Ravenscroft
42:57Nobody move
42:58I know a venue
42:59Covered
43:00There'll be no rave happening here
Be the first to comment
Add your comment