Faithless Season 2 Episode 4

Reality Plus TV

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Transcript

00:00I told him it was Valentine's Day, and he said he wouldn't mind giving you one.

00:03Do you fancy having a bite with me? We can just go to Zanjunk. Don't you like eat night?

00:08I thought you were my handsome gay dad friend.

00:10You think I'm handsome?

00:12Ali Akbar.

00:14Praise the Lord! He's cured the lepers! Yes, he's cured the lepers!

00:21Jesus is the Son of God. Praise the Lord!

00:24Zayn Amin is Judas in a retelling of the oldest story ever told.

00:29Coming this summer, the epic story.

00:32Hey, Jesus!

00:35What's your back?

00:38Crown of Thorns.

00:43Good, I hate him.

00:51East.

00:55What are you wearing?

00:57He's trying to fit in at work.

00:59So cringe. Total fail.

01:02What? Look at me. I'm doing Riz. Huh?

01:06You've got Riz.

01:09Can you chase up Chloe, find out what's going on with the script?

01:12I need something good to happen for my whole life.

01:14What are you talking about?

01:16You've got your Crown of Thorns premiere coming out.

01:19Oh yeah, good one. Good one. Have you seen the trailer?

01:21Yeah.

01:22They're destroying me in the comments.

01:23Yeah. I like the one, Judas' only convincing betrayal is to the art of acting.

01:29Yeah. Poetic.

01:31Mm-hmm.

01:31What is going on here?

01:35Bear broke up with her.

01:36Shut up, Layla.

01:38Go.

01:38Get a happy meal. Come down as you need it.

01:40I'm sorry, Layla. Love is so cruel.

01:46Go. Find Lottie.

01:50Look, I know you don't want to hear it.

01:52Baba, please don't tell me I'll meet someone else.

01:54He's beautiful.

01:57I've never been with an intellect before.

02:02Oh, this is just a joke.

02:03No, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

02:05Okay.

02:06Why don't you go out, huh?

02:08And buy yourself something.

02:11Like a sandwich?

02:15Okay.

02:22I love you.

02:24Where is she?

02:45Here. She's coming. Oh, my God, she's coming. Speak to your father. Oh, my God.

02:50Why'd you make him run like that? Could he just call me?

02:52Shut up. No time.

02:54She's very upset.

02:55Hey, Baba.

02:56Who's upset?

02:57Our sister, Afaf, she had a big fight in London with your cousin, Dr. Noor.

03:01She's coming now, today.

03:03Oh, Noor? I love Noor.

03:05No, not Noor. I know you love Noor. No.

03:08Your aunt Afaf is coming and she's very angry because Noor is leaving medicine.

03:12I don't know why. Why, oh, why, oh, why?

03:14Why? What's she leaving to do?

03:15To be a writer.

03:17What's wrong with her? What's wrong with her? She's a very successful doctor.

03:21Why should she shamed the whole family?

03:23A writer? Can you imagine her?

03:24I'm a writer.

03:26No, Sammy. She's writing the romantic book.

03:30You know, with the sexy time in it. It's not the same as you.

03:33People actually read what she writes.

03:34It's true. It's funny.

03:36Afaf is furious. You need to put your family in nine.

03:40Listen, Zayn, you must pretend you are married to Zou.

03:45What?

03:45This is fucking brilliant.

03:47No fucking around that Afaf.

03:49Zayn, if my sister knows you are not married, the whole of Egypt would know.

03:54Then they'll all judge me.

03:57She's a very mean woman, but she's rich.

04:01Very wealthy.

04:02Yeah.

04:03I have to go.

04:05Gamal knows the plan.

04:07Okay, bye.

04:08So, what if she's rich?

04:11Man, come on. Don't be stupid.

04:13Dr. Noor is just kicked out of Aunt Afaf's will.

04:17And you, you both are the next in line.

04:21Us? We?

04:22Yes, you.

04:24But she thinks of you, that you are bad Muslims.

04:27Because you are loose, man.

04:31You more than him.

04:32That's fair. She's right.

04:33Oh, Sammy, why are you dressed up like this?

04:36Dress up like an Egyptian, not like an American.

04:38She already hates you.

04:40And you, Zayn.

04:41Dress up little rubies like an angel.

04:44She loves babies.

04:46It's a pity you don't have a boy.

04:48She would love that.

04:49She's very sexist.

04:50Okay, I'll cancel work.

04:52Send me your flight details, yeah?

04:53Okay.

04:54Be ready.

04:55All right?

04:55Okay.

04:56Okay.

04:56Well, remember what your father says.

04:59She's very wealthy.

05:02But she wants good Muslims.

05:03Well, give her good Muslims.

05:05Well, give her good Muslims.

05:33Lina, sweetheart, how are you?

05:38Sorry.

05:39Just saying my prayers.

05:41Chloe's doing really, really well.

05:43So we've been the top group for numeracy and also, like, for...

05:46Sorry.

05:47Sorry.

05:47Um...

05:48Okay.

05:48What's wrong?

05:49Nothing.

05:49It's just Chloe from work on...

05:50Okay.

05:51Love you.

05:52Okay.

05:52Go on, bugs.

05:53Are you mad at me about Lottie?

05:55No, no.

05:56I just need to answer this call.

05:57Okay.

05:58I'll see you later.

05:58Do you think we'll find her?

06:00Oh, please don't get upset.

06:01Oh, please.

06:02Shh.

06:03It's okay.

06:03You okay down there, Mr. Emmett?

06:05Chloe from work's calling him.

06:06Hey, say.

06:10Why don't we head on in?

06:11Oh.

06:12Well, well, well.

06:13Yes, but, uh, Lassie, how are you doing?

06:16I want to talk to you.

06:16I just need to take this call, okay?

06:19Hey, Chloe, can't really talk right now.

06:21Oh, what are you wearing?

06:22You look ridiculous.

06:23Cheers.

06:23Did you get my mail about...

06:24Yeah, yeah, I don't give a shit about your aunt.

06:26I need face-to-face time.

06:27Tomorrow.

06:28Yeah, yeah, and anyways, I must see any cock strutting around the office.

06:32You about your wrist, are you?

06:33Jesus!

06:34Who's that?

06:35Oh, that's Miss Malone, Nancy's teacher.

06:37Look, I better go here.

06:38I'll see you tomorrow, though.

06:39Yeah, sorry.

06:40Bye.

06:42Video calls.

06:43I can't even get a text back.

06:45Oh, well, it's the last week's just...

06:47Exhausting, I imagine, with all the cock strutting around work.

06:50No, no, it's been...

06:51Piss off, Sam.

06:53We were texting for weeks and then what?

06:55Nothing.

06:56I wasn't looking for anything.

06:58You're the one who suggested doing something sometime.

07:00If you're not interested, then just...

07:02Of course I'm interested.

07:02What are you, blind?

07:04Look at you and look at me.

07:05You're the reason people named stars, for fuck's sake.

07:08Well, then what?

07:09Well, it was Ramadan and...

07:12OK, look, to be honest, I started thinking...

07:15Maybe I'm not ready for a serious relationship.

07:18Merry mother of God, Sam!

07:21We've not even been on a date yet.

07:22Jesus, who even knows if I'm that interested?

07:25So far, the highlight of our situation was a pair of candy pants and one dirty text, which

07:30you, grammatically corrected, then sent your blow-power recipe for couscous.

07:35Couscous?

07:36You know that's Arabic slang for vagina.

07:39I think I'm going to go now.

07:40No, no, no.

07:41Come back, come back, come back, come back, come back, come back.

07:42I'm sorry, OK?

07:43Hey, I'm very rusty at all this, lass.

07:46I do really, really like you.

07:50How can I make it up?

07:51Anything, anything, anything, anything, anything, anything.

07:53Dick Peck.

07:56No?

07:57No later behind the monkey bars.

07:59You flippin' dope.

08:01Just bring me for dinner sometime.

08:03I will.

08:04And not somewhere shite.

08:05I wouldn't.

08:09Bye, Miss Malone.

08:10Bye.

08:11Bye, come on, miss.

08:13Masha'Allah.

08:23This is ridiculous.

08:25Hey.

08:25No, auntie Fav's old school, all right?

08:27Just listen to me.

08:28Just keep it, Nina, all right?

08:30Do as I say.

08:31OK, finally, she's asleep.

08:33Mark my words.

08:35This is not going to end well.

08:37And if anyone asks, I'll tell them the men in my family make me wear this.

08:42The iron is not lost on me.

08:43No, no, no.

08:53No, no, no, Masha'Allah, listen to me.

08:55Listen to me.

08:55This woman is loaded, all right?

08:57I'm talking Arab money rich.

08:59OK.

09:00One condition.

09:02Eh?

09:03My friend Katia.

09:05Did you?

09:06With her?

09:08It's OK.

09:09It's OK.

09:10We're not together.

09:11It's not a big deal.

09:14It's not a test.

09:16Just want the truth.

09:17I'm just texting Yusuf.

09:23You're obsessed with him.

09:24We have similar backgrounds.

09:26Mark, I've been very clear with you.

09:27Oh, yeah.

09:27Over yourself.

09:28Oh, my God.

09:29Is this about the Karate Kid?

09:31Again?

09:31Well, it would have been nice if you'd watch it with me.

09:34Karate Kid 1 is only two hours and six minutes, and it's brilliant.

09:38I watched Mean Girls with you, and they weren't even that mean.

09:41It's a musical, Mark.

09:42Yeah, I know.

09:43It's the longest hour and 56 minutes of my life.

09:46Go this way and don't look.

09:47I said I'm locked, didn't I?

09:49What was that all about?

09:51Nothing you'll ever have to worry about.

09:54It was this, you lying motherfucker.

09:57You are a dog.

09:59Fuck you and your auntie mother, bitch.

10:01Sorry, Zoo, all right?

10:03I'm just trying to be open here.

10:04Zoo, he's sorry.

10:05Will you calm down?

10:05Please calm down, Zoo.

10:06Look, Ruby is asleep, Zoo.

10:08OK.

10:08OK, OK, OK.

10:09I'm OK.

10:10I'm calm, Cormac.

10:12I'm calm.

10:17Now you're open, dog.

10:24Hey, Sam.

10:24Hey, Zoo.

10:26Hey, Zoo.

10:31What are you wearing, Pa?

10:32What are you wearing, Pa?

10:33And what is this yoke?

10:35It's laundry.

10:36Don't judge, Sammy.

10:37I was experimenting.

10:38Sexually, you know it.

10:39Tanya and Renee.

10:41Costumes and stuff.

10:42The whole trouble thing got a bit stale, did it?

10:45And what?

10:46You thought I'd wash your hairy sex suit

10:49in with Nancy's Paddington PJs, is it?

10:52Yeah, that's for the help, Cormac.

10:53Well, I didn't know she was in love with you, did I?

10:55Or that she did military service.

10:57You think she's in love with me?

10:58Anyway, whatever.

10:59Now I have Ruby for the rest of her week.

11:03So, for fairy sex?

11:06Yeah.

11:08Tell me everything.

11:09Me too.

11:10Please.

11:11Are you all dressed like bears?

11:13Are you like Goldie Cox?

11:14Yeah.

11:15It's like, I mean...

11:18Oh, who am I kidding?

11:21I'm so miserable.

11:23I can't even watch Everton anymore.

11:25They just never leave me alone.

11:27It's just sex, sex, sex.

11:27All the time.

11:28Things, things, things, things, things.

11:30Why does God hate me?

11:33I wasn't ready to be a dad.

11:35Oh, shut up, both of you!

11:36Colmac, ever since all the shit with Dinda, you've just been making one bad mistake after

11:43the other.

11:43First you quit your job, and then Tanya and Renee.

11:47Obviously, you're not happy with the girls, otherwise you wouldn't be hiding out here all

11:50the time, would you?

11:51You tried it.

11:52Now, end it.

11:55And as for you, you...

11:57I'm not happy, Sam.

11:59There, I said it, okay?

12:01I love Ruby.

12:02I really do.

12:03But I hate being a dad.

12:06Women don't look at me the same way.

12:07I'm just being honest, Sam.

12:10Unlike some.

12:11What's the latest with the script, huh?

12:14Huh?

12:14Why are you avoiding Chloe?

12:17Well, because I think she gets off and intimidating me.

12:20You know, sexually.

12:21At your age, what a sicko.

12:23Boo-fucking-hoo, Sam.

12:25That's why the script's not getting made.

12:26Because you're not willing to eat some producer's whisker biscuit.

12:30Whisker biscuit.

12:36You should hear yourself.

12:37You're a dad.

12:38So, man up.

12:41That's it.

12:42It is what it is, okay?

12:44Man up.

12:45Man up, that's it.

12:47That's it?

12:48Yeah.

12:49I'll fucking show you guys.

12:50Yeah.

12:50I'm gonna fucking man up.

12:51Yeah.

12:52Oh, yeah.

12:53I'm gonna be fucking loaded.

12:55Leave the biscuits down.

12:56I'll dress Ruby as a boy.

12:58I don't know what he got for my conversation.

12:59I'm not sure that's...

13:00I'm gonna man up as well.

13:01You don't need to man up.

13:03You need...

13:03Actually, yeah.

13:04If you could man down...

13:05If you could man down...

13:06If you could man down.

13:06I don't know.

13:10But I really don't understand why you're wearing galabaya in Ireland.

13:15You don't wear galabaya in Ireland.

13:16Okay, it's good as enough.

13:18And I hear my little zen is doing really well.

13:21Big movie star.

13:22Alhamdulillah.

13:23Alhamdulillah.

13:24Alhamdulillah.

13:26You have your mother's ears.

13:27I am.

13:28Big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big.

13:31You need, you need, you need, you need, you need, you need, you need.

13:35Ay, I love it.

13:36Please.

13:38It's dangerous.

13:38Okay, okay.

13:38It's just that I just, I'm driving.

13:40Alas, alas, alas, no problem, you know, big ear, big nose, and nice balance here, Sam.

13:46I'm glad.

13:47I don't recognize where we are, you see.

13:52Sam moved, changed houses.

13:55Huh?

13:55Okay.

13:57It's closer to the schools.

13:58Ah, good, good, bravo.

14:00Other house was so small, you know, we...

14:03Dirty.

14:05I've had...

14:06It wasn't dirty.

14:08Okay, okay.

14:09Okay, okay, okay.

14:11It wasn't fancy.

14:12Okay, okay.

14:16A faff's will.

14:18And what?

14:19Is he pure Nancy dressed up as a mummy?

14:21God, men are thick as paint, gobshites.

14:24I mean, I like a faff, but you don't need to wear that yoke to impress her.

14:30I'm sorry, pet, I...

14:32I just mean, yous are great girls, and you don't need a selling point.

14:37Anybody thinks you do, you can just feck off.

14:39Yeah, good, they said she's sexist.

14:41Yeah, well, the whole world's sexist.

14:44That's why us girls have to stick together.

14:46Um, I wanted to give you something.

14:50I was, uh, I was keeping these for Tressie.

15:02Oh, good, sir.

15:04Oh, stay to me.

15:06I suppose I've just been thinking a lot about your mum.

15:12My life.

15:16Yeah, I think maybe I'll go back up to Belfast soon if, uh, some business to finalise there.

15:24Do you want us to go with you?

15:25No, no, no, no, no.

15:27You'd be more senseless.

15:29God, it's good to see you.

15:33What, did you, did you suffer a ride or what?

15:36I, I can't remember.

15:40Well, you should try telling the truth, Lena.

15:41It's great, you don't have to remember anything.

15:43Well, I didn't see Tara a lot when I was going out with Bear.

15:46It's been hard.

15:48We broke up.

15:49Yesterday.

15:50It was awkward with Tara.

15:52It's, it's like she's jealous.

15:55Girls be careful.

15:57Boys will come and go, even the ones that stay, but your friends, they're for life.

16:03What about your wee pal, Leila, the chatty fella?

16:08Markipedia.

16:09Shut up.

16:10Lena hates Mark.

16:11I don't hate him.

16:12He just never shuts up asking stupid questions.

16:15She's just annoyed because he asked what her five-year plan was and she said to grow her own vegetables.

16:19I said kombucha mushrooms and I said I'd like a podcast.

16:23Girls, girls, be good to each other and be good to your friends.

16:28None of it lasts.

16:30Are you sure you're okay?

16:32Please come back with us.

16:33No, no, no, you, you go and help the lads with that fast.

16:37And you like the jewellery.

16:39Food.

16:49Oh, he's so handsome.

16:53Masha'Allah.

16:55Masha'Allah.

16:57Why come on you say that Zain had a little girl?

17:00Oh, you didn't tell her about your brain?

17:02My brain.

17:02Yeah, his brain, it's like mush.

17:04It's like a desert.

17:05Shukran, ya abdakhooy.

17:06Shukran.

17:06And you know who was saying me?

17:09Rahim, his name is Ruby?

17:10Oh, no.

17:11Ruby of his heart.

17:12Ah, it's a saying.

17:14She says it a lot.

17:14Ah, haib, be good to get me.

17:18Why are you wearing that?

17:20Everyone else got a costume.

17:22It's not a costume.

17:23This is so offensive on so many levels.

17:25I think today's the kind of day you've got to choose which bits to be offended by, Lena.

17:29Look, it's so airy.

17:31But I'm converted.

17:32It's a beautiful galabaya, Cormac.

17:35You're a Muslim?

17:37Yanni...

17:37Get it out.

17:38Yanni...

17:39You look ridiculous.

17:41You look like Aladdin.

17:43He does.

17:44It's not what it looks like.

17:46It's exactly what it looks like.

17:48Because, you know, I know a beautiful Egyptian woman.

17:51You're married.

17:53At the moment, it's a bit complicated and falafel.

17:56Falafel, eh, habibi.

17:58Afif, afif, afif.

18:02Yes.

18:03So what you do?

18:04I'm independently wealthy.

18:06But I'm an accountant by trade, so...

18:08Uh-huh.

18:09And you, Yosemite?

18:11I don't know.

18:11You're still unemployed?

18:13No!

18:14Actually, I'm writing for...

18:16Sim, Sim, yourself.

18:17Sim, Sim.

18:19Habibi.

18:20Jeepers, it's best if you...

18:21It is, dude.

18:22It's good to see you.

18:24Lonnie!

18:25Yeah!

18:26Monty!

18:27Monty!

18:28Yeah!

18:28Monty!

18:29Monty!

18:31Hey, we'll just calm down, please!

18:33Just sit down, please.

18:34Want that bear from me, please?

18:35Can't see, boys?

18:35It's okay.

18:36Oh, nice.

18:39There, what are you doing here?

18:41I wrote an ode to you, Lina.

18:45Aliwakbar, everyone.

18:46Shalom, shalak, brother.

18:48Oh, my God.

18:49Is it just me?

18:50No!

18:51Listen, listen.

18:51Sorry for my intrusion.

18:53But I need you to know, Lina.

18:55Okay?

18:56I love you, Lina.

18:59Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la.

19:02There.

19:02The old me would tell me not to share my feelings.

19:06No.

19:07They'd tell me to hide them away under the shameful shadows of my toxic maleness.

19:14He's not going to do that, though, is he?

19:15But the new me, well, he would say, share it all, bear.

19:19Share it all, bear.

19:21Yes, yes.

19:22Share, bear.

19:23Share.

19:23Share, bear, bear.

19:24An ode to Lina.

19:27I'm a bear in the woods, and you're my tree.

19:32I grope on your bark because it's calling to me.

19:38Claw you, devour, animalistic with power, your juicy sap on my lips.

19:46Lick, lick, lick.

19:48Grasping my heart and my big bear.

19:52Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

19:54Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

19:55Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

19:56Get some air.

19:57That was my time.

19:58I don't know, oh.

19:59Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

20:00We're going along.

20:02Very good, thank you.

20:03We'll go take him for a walk now.

20:06Yeah?

20:06Okay.

20:06Can we do that?

20:07I'm sorry about all that back then.

20:11Women?

20:13Love?

20:16I am so happy you have a son.

20:20Now the Amin family name can live.

20:23She likes him.

20:24She likes him, really.

20:30Can I push him, please?

20:32It's awesome.

20:33Come on.

20:33I love you.

20:34No, Sammy's really good with her.

20:37Him.

20:39They're really close.

20:41You know, it's good you have your brother.

20:43Just like a woman, yeah?

20:47You know, I like Cormac.

20:50He's funny.

20:52He's financially independent.

20:54Just like me.

20:56Just like you?

20:57Yeah.

20:58Oh, really?

20:58Yeah.

20:59Wow, I did not know that.

21:02Yeah, yeah, yeah.

21:03When I go back to Egypt, I'm going to go and see my cousin Omar.

21:07He's a big lawyer in Cairo.

21:10Now I have seen Rahim, I'm sure of it.

21:15I'm going to leave everything to you.

21:18Such a good man.

21:20You're a good man, Khabib.

21:22You're so good.

21:24So I am the same.

21:26Just like my mama.

21:33Ruby!

21:34Ruby!

21:35Hey!

21:35Ruby!

21:36You're a heavy!

21:38Ruby!

21:41Oh!

21:42Oh, my God.

21:43Oh, my God.

21:44Oh, my God.

21:47You nearly bloody kill me.

21:53Thank you, though.

21:55Oh, my God.

21:56Sorry.

21:56Sorry, me arse.

21:58Tell me, you're going to pay me doctor for me.

22:02It's 80 euro now.

22:04I'll pay.

22:05I'll pay.

22:05And I live on a pension.

22:06I'll pay.

22:07I'll pay.

22:07I am.

22:08She's okay.

22:09She's okay.

22:10She's okay.

22:11What's that mean?

22:15What's that mean?

22:15It's okay.

22:24She'll have cooled down by the time she gets on the flight.

22:26I'm sorry.

22:31Yeah.

22:32Have some, man.

22:32She's a mess.

22:34How will I explain this to Mo?

22:37Mm.

22:39Mm.

22:41Life's too short, man.

22:43I've got to seize those precious moments.

22:49I'll be back in a second.

22:51Oh, man.

22:52I was so close.

22:54She'll never put me in at will now.

22:56All that a fat for another.

22:59Cormac.

22:59No.

23:00Funny.

23:00Hey, Leslie.

23:06Hey.

23:07So was, uh, was wondering if you might fancy some food on Saturday.

23:13Not somewhere shite?

23:15Yeah.

23:16Um, that might be pretty nice.

23:17Okay.

23:18Okay.

23:19Cool.

23:19So, say, seven?

23:21Yeah.

23:22Yeah.

23:23Yeah.

23:24Yeah.

23:48Yeah.

23:49Yeah.

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