Faithless Season 2 Episode 2

Reality Plus TV

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Transcript

00:00Hey, Zook.

00:01I'll be back in three days.

00:02W-w-what are you talking about?

00:03Sam.

00:04I'm fucking telling him I was going back to work.

00:07Hi.

00:08He's not fucking coming here.

00:09All man in our family cares.

00:12I think you should move out, Cormac.

00:15Ma'am, just kick me out, just like that.

00:17The fuck are you talking about?

00:19I'm way too busy, Trey.

00:20I am this close to selling my scripts.

00:23So, any questions for me?

00:24Not right now.

00:30Experiencing erectile dysfunction is not uncommon.

00:33It's when these experiences become consistent and persistent

00:36that is the problem.

00:38I'm going to give you a morning ritual

00:40to make your penis stronger

00:42and give you a better, firm erection.

00:44Even possibly making it a little bigger.

00:47For older gentlemen, it'll even tighten the testicles.

00:50Your boyfriend wants to bless Mum's new headstone.

00:54Bear offered to perform an aromatic aiding ritual.

00:57It's spiritual, Leila.

00:59Do you want her to do hands with me, Leila?

01:01No.

01:02Oh, come on, Leena.

01:03An aromatic aiding ritual.

01:04Mum didn't even like scented candles.

01:06Bear wants to be there for me.

01:08You might understand one day, if you ever get a man.

01:12Okay.

01:13Remove any restrictive clothing.

01:15Feel loose and relax.

01:18Take out your penis and start by stroking the penis.

01:22And while executing a steady stroke,

01:24contract the vulval spodiosis muscle

01:26that wraps around the base of the penis.

01:28There.

01:29Bluetooth.

01:30Connected.

01:31So, hold the shaft of the penis in one hand

01:33and gently breathe in, down, and relax.

01:35Contract.

01:36And relax.

01:37And contract.

01:38And relax.

01:39And contract.

01:40And relax.

01:41And contract.

01:42And relax.

01:43And contract.

01:44I want you to do hands with me, Leila.

01:45No.

01:46And that's not how air quotes work.

01:47Go and get ready for school.

01:48What's this?

01:49Put it back.

01:50It's not Cormac's.

01:51Go and get ready.

01:52Cormac.

01:53No, and that's not how air quotes work. Go and get ready for school.

01:56What's this?

01:56Put it back. It's not Cormac's. Go and get ready.

02:04Cormac.

02:06I have seen too much, Sammy.

02:08Why would you be naked, arse up at the bed like that, waiting for me?

02:12I wasn't waiting for you. I didn't know you were going to come in by me, did I?

02:15And I was, yeah, yeah, I was naked. Naked in my room.

02:19Ew.

02:20I'd like to go now.

02:21Oh, well, Mr. Rameen, in a time full of filters, being brave enough to be seen naked is pretty cool in my book.

02:28Shalam shalak, everybody.

02:29Thank you, Mark. It's salaam alaykum teaching that, did you?

02:33Shalam shalak, pal.

02:33Do not change the subject.

02:35It is scroatly unacceptable to have those things swinging around you, but a small person's eye out.

02:38Do you want to do hands on me, Baba?

02:40Careful. Watch your eyes, Pet.

02:43Here, put your lunch in your back.

02:48They're Uncle Cormac's new breasts.

02:50And to think you thought he'd have nothing to do since quitting his job.

02:54Where does one purchase something like that?

02:57Groupon, Mark. They have everything. Watch.

02:59Now, we can chest feed Ruby, and she will be comfortable with us as male natures.

03:05I'd like to leave now.

03:11Me too.

03:11Don't forget. Me too. Then Nina. Then the grave, yeah?

03:14Yeah, yeah.

03:15And how will this look to people, Cormac?

03:17Me breastfeeding my niece with a big pair of rubber double Ds and take the focus off your droopy balls.

03:22Anyway, look. You need to talk to Sammy. I'm not talking to Mum at the moment, but she's now saying she's not going to go to Tracy's grave, so you need to talk to her about that, okay?

03:30But don't tell her I told you to talk to her about that, and also tell her that I have quit my job.

03:37Okay, yeah.

03:39Oh, and tell her also that I'm going to move to China, like, really soon.

03:42Anything else?

03:43Yeah. Bathroom door's still broken. It's very unsettling.

03:46We're not all exhibitionists like you, pal.

03:47Hi, Nancy.

03:57Hey, Lily.

03:59Look, don't worry about today, okay?

04:04Why don't I ask Lily's mum if she can come over and stay Saturday?

04:09Give me a kiss.

04:11Go on.

04:14I love your buttons.

04:15Girls, huh?

04:21Oh, yeah.

04:22Have you got kids?

04:23Oh, God, no. Can't stand them.

04:26If I did, they'd be up on eBay.

04:27One previous owner will deliver.

04:30My girlfriend always says that.

04:32Sounds funny when she says it.

04:35I didn't mean my girlfriend.

04:37I'm not a lesbian.

04:39At all.

04:40Quite the opposite.

04:41Not in a trampy way.

04:42Just normal.

04:43Not normal.

04:44It's fine if you're a lesbian.

04:45Not that you are.

04:47You're not a woman, are you?

04:49No.

04:50Oh, thank goodness.

04:51There's not even nine.

04:52I'm already assuming people's jambers.

04:54Is Nancy okay?

05:00We finally got a headstone for her mum's grave.

05:04We're heading there later.

05:05Maybe you could keep an eye on her today.

05:10Do you want to sleep over?

05:14When?

05:17Better ask quickly.

05:18At least mommy's leaving.

05:19Could you wind the window down?

05:37I'm Sam.

05:38Nancy was wondering if Lily might want to come for a sleepover.

05:42Who?

05:42Nancy.

05:43Nancy?

05:43Lily's not going to sleep over with some strange man, I don't know.

05:48No, totally.

05:48I'm Nancy's dad.

05:50You're not Nancy's dad.

05:51Oh, what have you heard?

05:53No, no, I am her dad.

05:54I've seen her dad.

05:55Simple, gormless looking fella in a football top.

05:58Her uncle Cormacky is fairly gormless looking.

06:00Hello?

06:01Oh, great.

06:03Hello, Sammy.

06:04No, sorry.

06:05What?

06:06Sam!

06:10Jesus, Sue.

06:11Don't get your long balls and twist.

06:14Listen, need big favours, Sammy.

06:16Got to fill in on Atlantic to San Fran.

06:18Three days is double time for me.

06:20No, no, no way.

06:21I can't.

06:22I know, I'm sorry, but you're having two since your brother is a fucking bum loser.

06:27Shh.

06:27Mama needs to make money, huh?

06:31I need money, Sammy.

06:35Sue?

06:36Sam, look.

06:37I don't have anyone.

06:39And I don't need them.

06:40Fuck them.

06:41But maybe you, I need.

06:43A little.

06:45I know Zane left you two.

06:49He lets everyone down when they need him.

06:51Sue, are you?

06:51And if Ruby doesn't matter, you say.

06:55We go.

06:57We go.

06:59No, no.

07:00I'll take her.

07:02Thank you, Sammy.

07:06Oh, I left my breast milk in the fridge, but go easy.

07:11You Egyptians, what do you do?

07:14Bathe in it, huh?

07:15Look, I know he's not my type on paper at all, but I don't know.

07:32Right now, it feels nice.

07:37What's going on?

07:38Nothing.

07:39Are you upset about?

07:44What, today?

07:45No.

07:47Oh.

07:48A little.

07:51A little.

07:52I know mum's gone ages, but, like, she's never going to meet my husband, or...

07:59Fuck me.

08:01You're not thinking of marrying him, are you?

08:04Please don't.

08:05Why are you so immune to him?

08:07He's a big hairy ride.

08:09Yeah, hairy all right.

08:10Looks like he was knitted.

08:12Hey.

08:13Oh.

08:14Here comes Captain Blue Planet now.

08:17Hey.

08:17Hey, how are you, babe?

08:19There you go.

08:20Oh.

08:37Oh.

08:47Oh.

08:48Oh, you know that's the third accident you've had since you got here.

08:54Trimming hedges at your age.

08:57Gonna have to start bubble wrapping you soon, just so you know.

09:06That's so gross, you know that.

09:09Well, rubies don't mind.

09:13Do you, have a tea?

09:18And she does shit herself and sit in it, though, so.

09:22Not the best ambassador for car etiquette, is she?

09:26Sorry, Ruby.

09:30Stop!

09:31Mary Bear, what's your real name?

09:34It's... it's Bear.

09:35Yeah, what were you christened?

09:37I'm Bear, Tara.

09:39He's Bear?

09:40Yeah.

09:41Yeah, but is Bear your first name or your second name?

09:45Or is it like Cher?

09:47Er, Lena.

09:48Um, Medeba and I had the most magical walk here.

09:54His dog.

09:56Really, babe?

09:57Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.

09:59The universe was guidance, man.

10:02A being, just being with another being.

10:06Just being.

10:07So humbling.

10:09I love how much you care.

10:12Yep.

10:13You're like a care bear.

10:16So.

10:20Your dog?

10:21Oh, no, no, no, no.

10:23Medeba's not my dog.

10:24We're just travelers in the same direction, you know?

10:27Yeah.

10:28I'm talking of journeys, babe, shall we?

10:30Sorry, T.

10:31But I must steal this beautiful Arabian flame mafia and fan her to make some magic with me.

10:37He means we're going to college.

10:43Well, why didn't he fucking say that then?

10:45Medeba!

10:47Medeba, brother!

10:50Medeba's what the locals of South Africa call Nelson Mandela.

10:54Very so...

10:55White.

10:57Like, very.

10:58Very.

10:58Come on.

11:01Come on.

11:06Come on, babe.

11:08Oh, my God.

11:14I'm going to go check on Dembe.

11:16Our car's right there.

11:17Get rid of that smell.

11:25Oh!

11:28Ruby!

11:31He is not going to like that at all.

11:34Oh, yeah.

11:35Oh, yeah.

11:36Oh, dear.

11:50Sammy?

11:51Dinner, what is going on?

11:52I'm not feeling well, Sammy.

11:54Open the door.

11:55No, no, no, no.

11:56Really, it's probably a bug.

11:58Bad stomach.

11:59I don't think today's going to happen for me.

12:01Oh, really, Dembe, you have to come, please.

12:04Cormac got the heads down and everything.

12:06He's missing you.

12:08He's acting weird.

12:09Fucking told me to tell you he's moving to China or some nonsense.

12:13Open the door.

12:13Is something wrong?

12:15No.

12:15No, but I'm definitely not able for Cormac's shite today.

12:20Look, I just don't want you catching it.

12:21Or the girls.

12:23Well, we can all go another day.

12:25No, no, no, don't postpone it.

12:27I will go when I'm feeling better, Sam.

12:29Now, please, tell everybody I am so sorry, but I am going back to bed.

12:33Thanks, Sammy.

12:34Slán.

12:37Slán.

12:38Were they there?

12:54Where?

12:55Spirit, on Friday.

12:56Um, probably.

12:58Everyone was there, but I don't know.

13:00I don't ever make eye contact with a girl for more than two seconds.

13:02I won't be thinking I'm some sort of player.

13:04Shut up, Mark.

13:05Your mom dropped you off in her minivan.

13:06I think your reputation's safe.

13:09Yeah, it was so good.

13:15Did Yusuf, you know, spend a lot of time with anyone in particular?

13:20Oh, yeah, sure.

13:21Let me just check my footage.

13:23I don't know, Leila.

13:24It was a disco.

13:25I spent most of the night trying not to get beaten up.

13:28You could have gone.

13:30Then you'd be able to spy on Yusuf yourself.

13:32We're doing my mom's grave today.

13:33I have more important things on my mind than what I'm wearing to a stupid disco.

13:36Why would you need to be worried about what you have to wear?

13:38They're always pretty anyways.

13:40Shut up, Mark.

13:40You missed spirit, Leila.

13:45Pretty sick, wasn't it, bro?

13:47Yeah, bro.

13:48It slapped.

13:52Yeah, I know I was gutted.

13:54Did you have fun?

13:55Yeah, it was grand.

13:56Better fun if you were there.

13:57Please come next time.

13:59Maybe.

14:01Astonishing.

14:04You didn't tell him to shut up once.

14:06Shut up, Mark.

14:13How much for the bun?

14:15I don't know.

14:16Three euro.

14:18Why do you lie to me?

14:20To your uncle.

14:24Tara.

14:25How much of this cake, isn't it?

14:28Four ninety.

14:29Do you want one?

14:30No.

14:32Four ninety.

14:34I didn't realize that my nephew, Mr. Big Spender, King of Jordan, wanted to speak to poor little old me.

14:41Told you we're here to help, not this.

14:43What's this?

14:44This.

14:45Stress.

14:45You stressing me.

14:47Can't even cope with inflation.

14:48The fucking bun is five euro.

14:52What do you want me to do?

14:54What do you want me to do?

15:00Ta-da.

15:01Fuck me.

15:06That's why you have no money and I have four euro ninety.

15:10Forget it.

15:11Here.

15:11I got you something.

15:14Ta-da.

15:16It's a personal alarm.

15:18I know you don't want to wear it, but you're wearing it.

15:21You're concussed.

15:23No.

15:24Miss Paz, I don't need this.

15:26I'm no burden.

15:28You're not a burden, but you are a little bit clumsy and I don't have time to worry about you.

15:33I'm already stretched with Ruby, Nancy, the girls, whatever the fuck is going on with Cormac and Dimna.

15:39Yeah.

15:41Tracy.

15:42Hey.

15:44Sammy.

15:45Ah.

15:46Yeah, baby.

15:48Okay, messy.

15:49Messy.

15:50Hey.

15:51I lost a home.

15:52No.

15:56Miss.

15:57I need to help you, Sammy.

15:59You know, I know exactly what you're going through.

16:02I lost people I love, too.

16:05Sharif.

16:06Who's my son, Sammy?

16:08I know.

16:08My son.

16:09I'm sorry.

16:12Rahal Abdulyam.

16:13Anish.

16:14It's normal when people you love so much for so long time leave you too early.

16:23Because part of you is waiting for them to come back.

16:26They never come back.

16:28Sharif is not coming back.

16:29Tracy is not coming back, Sammy.

16:32Keep the memories.

16:33Keep the memories.

16:34And let everything else go.

16:36Stop feeling alone.

16:39What will I feel if I don't feel alone?

16:44Lonely.

16:45Lonely.

16:45Let's go.

17:00Lolan.

17:02What do I feel?

17:04new lunch not really hungry thank you what's this my mommy used to always do

17:21hands with me hands hands you know you go like this it's my own growing up to

17:29be a big girl that's a lovely memory yeah I hope I don't do you forget memories like even the really

17:38nice ones no talking to friends and family helps reminds us of them yeah but everyone's too busy

17:45in my house well it's your new baby sister it probably feels like everyone's just Ruby Ruby's

17:51not my sister we're cousins I thought I saw your dad's girlfriend dropping the baby off

17:58no no that's my uncle Zane's girlfriend well ex so she doesn't live with you no she's crazy

18:05I like her my dad doesn't have a girlfriend our uncle Cormac lives with us uncle Cormac lives

18:14with you and your dad and your sisters yeah he sleeps with Bob on his bed they fight a lot

18:19right you're very pretty thank you Nancy do you have a boyfriend

18:29I swear that's not what I ordered please be positive I am positive I'm positive he's

18:38I'm gonna bury you right next to her move over you're touching me you're touching me

18:49shut up you shut up Bob off stop later get off your phone she's touching me stop touching her

18:55don't see why he couldn't come look pretty close it's got pretty close you know if action doesn't

19:19work you'd definitely get into fashion big time okay belts on is that a a pint of Guinness yes it

19:40is I don't see that did mommy love Guinness it's not a pint of Guinness why is there a harp on it then

19:48hmm I swear Sammy I said heart not heart bloody foreigners no offense guys hey Cormac all I'm

19:55saying is he had difficulties with the English language so I'm saying yeah wait till dimness sees

20:00it whoa what time's that flight to China huh let's just remember why we're all here yeah

20:05to remember the woman we all love exactly trashy I mean trashy I mean really take her

20:14I'll fix it Sammy I promise I'm sorry I had one fucking job and I couldn't even you think you're

20:34making the balls of everything no pun intended relax she'd have liked us really she'd have laughed

20:44Cormac love you Dupont yeah yeah I think your taste is leaking on me oh bollocks no I'm pretty sure it's your

21:03shit oh look look who's here look at you I'm away hey I didn't I didn't think you'd think I'd come

21:22I didn't think I'd hold enough yeah yeah yeah fancy a pint wait you see I take it you want to be

21:40alone for a second though no I don't want to be alone want to do hands with me Uncle Zane that's so

21:49weird I was just about to ask you wow massive all right let's go then I just seriously oh my gosh

22:07I don't know Baba you took it in I'm waiting

22:34that's why stegosauruses are the best

22:50sleep I'm gonna ask Santa for a friend for you Nancy I don't want a girlfriend I've enough women

22:58in my life thank you no silly a friend like um me and Lily that's very sweet

23:05thank you sleep maybe I'll ask for a blonde one sleep

23:15do

23:20do

23:27do

23:32Transcription by CastingWords

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