How Are You Its Alan Partridge Season 01 Episode 04

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How Are You Its Alan Partridge Season 01 Episode 04 #Cineva USA https://www.dailymotion.com/Cineva

Transcript

00:00I'm Alan Partridge, and in this series, sponsored by Flench & Son Tanning Center,

00:04feel down, get brown, I'm exploring the mental health of the nation.

00:09This week, I'll be finding out what the great outdoors can do for our noggins,

00:13as I once again ask, how are you?

00:16It's Alan Partridge.

00:19I love to be outdoors.

00:22Back in Norwich, I'm often found pottering around making short videos for the tourist board

00:26using a 365-degree stick camera given to me during my time in Saudi Arabia

00:32by His Excellency the Crown Prince's chauffeur.

00:36I'd like to see wattle and daub buildings.

00:38To me, there's just something about the fresh air and the exercise.

00:41Hello. See you later. I hate these flowers.

00:44Seems to be good for the soul.

00:45Visited only upon terrorist suspect.

00:48And while the tourist board reserves the right to edit down my videos...

00:52He's my favorite.

00:53...being out and about centers and settles me.

00:56He's definitely my favorite. You know who isn't?

00:58But in this episode, I'm going to experiment on a bigger canvas

01:03and have come to the Peak District alone with nothing more than my stick camera

01:07and obviously clothes

01:09to explore the mental health benefits of surrounding yourself in nature.

01:13Studies show that the great outdoors can do wonders for your mental health, as much as 84%.

01:26Today, I'm climbing Mam Tor, a 17-foot-hundred high hill in the Peak District,

01:35which, according to the guidebook, boasts incredible views.

01:40And on a clear day, it says you can see as far as Manchester, although it doesn't explain why you'd want to.

01:47Starting at Castleton, day one will see me climb the Mighty Man Tor and walk the Great Bridge.

01:55After a good sleep and wash, I'll spend a second day scaling the District's highest peak, Kinder Scout.

02:01Hello. Fellow aviators.

02:04How you doing?

02:05Good. Have you ever flown on a jetpack?

02:07I know a guy who has.

02:10You're looking at him.

02:12Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

02:14Up, up, up, up, up, and away, like my beautiful balloon.

02:20Do you think that's good for mental health?

02:25Do you think flying's good for mental health?

02:30Enjoy the freedom of flight for trying not to worry the sheep. They'll miscarry.

02:39I'm so glad I came here.

02:41My partner, Katrina, was dead right.

02:44She said, go away for the weekend. Climb a big mountain by yourself.

02:48I guess she just gets me.

02:50Yeah, so I've come away on my own, and she's gone away to Paris with my best friend, Daryl.

02:57Yeah, it's friends. It's friends.

02:59The badminton partners, and I've said myself, you know, he covers a lot of ground by the baseline.

03:06She's got a wicked drop shot. It just works.

03:09There's supposed to be four of them, but two of them had to pull out because of very, very long COVID.

03:14So it's just Daryl and Katrina in Paris.

03:17The city of lovers, my hairdresser says.

03:21It's such a stupid thing to say.

03:23It's not just for lovers.

03:25You get school trips go there.

03:26They're not all having sex with each other.

03:30I mean, occasionally a line will be crossed.

03:32You get some bearded sixth formers these days.

03:35And some very busty students.

03:37But this assumption that every couple that goes to Paris is going to be banging the bejesus out of each other is just childish.

03:48Daryl and Katrina are badminton partners, and they wanted to try out some different courts.

03:53And that's the end of it.

03:57Spending time alone in nature, though boring, allows our minds the freedom to roam.

04:03To dwell on anything from your daughter being gay to whether you'd have been good at presenting natural history shows.

04:09A million billion years ago, this was probably bits of dinosaur.

04:15Now, though, just horrible soil.

04:19We all come from it, and we all go back to it.

04:22This is nature's ring road.

04:24The end of the first morning's walking, and though I'd only been out in nature for a couple of hours,

04:33already there was a definite sense of tension easing,

04:36as I absorbed the majesty and infinite variety of the natural world.

04:41It was good, Egg.

04:45What a charming village church.

04:54Oh, it's wonderful.

05:03Respectful, of course, in the house of God, to lower your voice,

05:08just as you would in a library or a museum.

05:13The same volume one might begin at while having a late-night row with your wife in a tent.

05:21Where are you?

05:22Where are you, eh?

05:26I know he's up there.

05:27Oh, yes.

05:28I'm sure he's looking down on you right now.

05:30He hears everything.

05:32Yeah.

05:33And I know he's in here.

05:34That faint smell of ammonia, that's from his excrement.

05:39God?

05:39The bat.

05:41I see!

05:42Right.

05:43Can't be bats.

05:43Right, of course, yes.

05:45I was going to say, I'm not sure God excretes anything.

05:48Only love.

05:52So why are you counting bats?

05:53The roof needs repair, but there's a maternity colony up there.

05:56And they're protected under UK law, so the work will have to wait.

05:59It's funny, isn't it, how the church has to go to rack and ruin just so some bats can make more bats.

06:04I just saw one there, Winter Cross.

06:06They are awful.

06:07They are easily my least favourite bird.

06:09Skin for wings, but no feathers.

06:11Why?

06:11I've studied bats for 20 years, and I believe there's as much God's creatures as you or me.

06:16It's like the song says, isn't it?

06:17The Lord God made them all.

06:19All creatures great and small.

06:20It's my favourite hymn.

06:22Yeah, it is nice hymn.

06:24Goes on a bit, though, I find.

06:26You know, just, I mean, all things bright and beautiful, all creatures great and small, all things wise and wonderful.

06:31The Lord God made them all, and the verse goes on to list individually all the things that the course tells you you're made all of.

06:36So I just think it's just over-egged.

06:38Yeah.

06:38Maybe I thought of it like that.

06:39It's a bit like Ross Kemp, isn't it?

06:40It's telling you you've seen all the Batman films and then listing them all on a long car journey.

06:44Batman.

06:45Batman Returns.

06:46Batman Forever.

06:47Yeah, I know, Ross, you've seen them all.

06:49Batman and Robin.

06:50Batman Begins.

06:50The Dark Knight.

06:51The Dark Knight Rises.

06:52Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ross, I know, we get it, we get it.

06:54Batman versus Superman.

06:55The Batman.

06:56Lego Batman.

06:57For Christ's sakes, Ross, stop saying Batman.

06:59You know, grow up.

07:02Sometimes tell the kids that I'm Batman.

07:04Yeah, but you only say it once, right?

07:05Just at the start.

07:06Yeah, that's fine.

07:08You can hold one if you want.

07:10A bat?

07:12Yeah.

07:13Why would I want to hold a bat?

07:15Broke its wing.

07:16Good.

07:17So it can't fly and drink blood from a cow or drink the blood from the neck of a woman if it's Dracula.

07:22That's totally different.

07:23Okay.

07:24You know, a lot of the children, they're scared at first, but they get over it.

07:27Yeah, oh, I'll get over it.

07:28Yeah, fine.

07:28I...

07:29Yeah, hold your hands out, then.

07:31No, like a book.

07:33Sorry, I was...

07:34For some reason, I thought you meant like Jesus.

07:36Got any concerns, you can ask me a question.

07:38Yeah, okay.

07:38Um, could it give me rabies?

07:40No.

07:41Could it give me TB?

07:42No.

07:43Could it give me, I want to say botulism?

07:45No.

07:46Could it give me any, and I mean any form of AIDS?

07:49No.

07:50Will it bite me?

07:51No.

07:51Could it bite me?

07:52It's unlikely.

07:52Will it lick me?

07:53No.

07:53Could it lick me?

07:54In theory, yes.

07:55Is it tongue rough?

07:56No.

07:57Is it tongue hot?

07:58Honestly, I don't know.

07:58Is it heavy?

07:59No.

07:59Does it stink?

08:00No.

08:01Does it stink a little bit?

08:02Maybe.

08:03Will it do this?

08:05It won't do that.

08:07Um...

08:07Do you want to hold the bat?

08:08All right, all right.

08:09You hold the stick, I'll stroke the bird.

08:12There you are, look.

08:15What's his name?

08:16Kieran.

08:17Oh, yeah, well, what's your name?

08:18Kieran.

08:20I've got to go now, Kieran.

08:25Bye.

08:25Bye!

08:29Now, walls, not ice cream or sausages, but actual walls, I think will be a great topic for a documentary.

08:35The BBC wouldn't commission it, because it doesn't have trans drug addicts, but as a topic for a phone-in, I think it will be second to none.

08:41What's your favorite wall?

08:43Dry stone, post and rail, partition, load-bearing, grate of China, whaling.

08:51Berlin.

08:52And Adrian's.

08:53What's your favorite type of wall?

08:55A crinkle-crankle wall.

08:56The shape of it provides lateral stability without the need for buttresses.

09:01Got it.

09:02So, why doesn't your girlfriend play badminton in Paris with you?

09:05Because I like to play squash.

09:07Look up crinkle-crankle wall.

09:15I think the tavern I'm supposed to be staying at is in that direction, but it's very hard to tell.

09:22Excuse me, what if you could help me out?

09:25I'm trying to locate a pub, and I know it's over there, but everywhere looks the same.

09:31I've heard I'm going snow-blind, or I think I'm going green-blind.

09:35Do you mind if I borrow your binoculars?

09:37Yeah.

09:38As in, yeah, I mind.

09:40What, so I can't borrow them?

09:41Well, I don't know you.

09:43I'm out there.

09:43No, it's a personal item that I put on my face.

09:46Ah-ha.

09:49And a man comes up to me, making noises, wanting to smear his eyes and fingers on them first.

09:53It's basic hygiene, mate.

09:54What an odd man.

10:05What a cross man.

10:09What a shit man.

10:11It's funny.

10:12If someone had done that to me in ordinary life, I'd follow them, wait until they were having a wee, and then push them over.

10:18But out here, in nature, it just didn't seem to matter.

10:21And whilst it's easy to get a bit lost if your phone dies because your assistant didn't charge it,

10:27the vantage point I reached revealed the quiet grandeur of the Derbyshire Hills.

10:32Each with its own story, its own history, and together an enduring testament to the power of nature to inspire and uplift.

10:40I told her to fucking charge it.

10:436 p.m., and with a slightly dirty bottom, I've reached the hind and harrow in Upper Booth, my digs for the night.

10:49Step through this door and you step back in time.

10:54The unisex toilets and gender-fluid bar staff, the alcohol-free gin, baffling, and generally humorless attitude of the clientele are all very well for a city bar.

11:05But if you want to knees up around the old Joanna, don't go there.

11:09Hear, hear.

11:09Give me a warm fire, warm beer, the warm smell of dog, and a warm welcome from the regulars.

11:16Trevor here has offered to buy a pint for this weary traveller.

11:20Sadly, in a city bar, the offer of a free drink would come with the subtext of sex.

11:25But here, it's just two regular fellas having a chimney over a pint.

11:29Say it again, Trevor.

11:29Why not?

11:30Trevor here is an amateur historian, and I believe this place was once a popular haunt for highwaymen.

11:37Oh, very much so.

11:38There were rich pickings along these roads for the unscrupulous thief.

11:42It's incredible, isn't it, that someone looking for people with a few bob would come to what is effectively Derby.

11:48Yeah, the pink district is steeped in stories, myths and monsters.

11:53Legend has it that the spirits come out at night, and that's not just Bill when he starts on the gin.

11:59Despite a habit of passing off pre-prepared sentences as spontaneous thought, Trevor proved to be genial company.

12:06There you go. Keep the change.

12:08Oh, thanks.

12:09Right, how much was it?

12:10£10.80. He gave me £20.

12:12Oh.

12:12Er...

12:13Don't worry about it.

12:15Do you know what? Keep it.

12:16Yeah.

12:18Right, you could do a lot worse than stay here.

12:20A tavern like this would be beyond the means of most travellers.

12:23Many would stay in a bothy.

12:25That's a stone hut without warmth, light or comfort.

12:30Reminds me of living with the ex-wife.

12:32Yes.

12:33My ex-wife kept a good home.

12:35She was just emotionally toxic.

12:37I could cheese and onion crisps.

12:38Oh, yes.

12:39A bothy is not of the calibre of a place you'd find on Airbnb.

12:43Yeah, although some of those aren't all they're cracked up to be.

12:45I once stayed at an Airbnb that had no knives.

12:48Spent all evening trying to cut up lamb chops with the side of a spoon.

12:52My God, I gave it a bad review.

12:54And the next day they texted me saying,

12:55there's a tray of knives under the bed.

12:57And I'm supposed to know.

12:58Er, it's £1.10 for crisps.

13:00Right.

13:00Er...

13:01Haven't got the 10p.

13:03They're £1.10, though. That's the thing.

13:06Okay. Er...

13:07Right.

13:08Oh, it's £5 minimum car payment.

13:10Okay, well...

13:11And it's 10p.

13:13I can just put them back.

13:17Okay, fine.

13:19And are the bar staff normally this friendly?

13:21Is this still about the crisps?

13:22I find it incredible that you were gifted nearly £10

13:25and you act like nothing happened.

13:27I said thank you.

13:28Yeah, when I needed a favour, I get zilch.

13:30You want me to pay for your crisps with my money?

13:32£10 out of the £9.20 I gave you.

13:35Yeah, gave. It belongs to me.

13:37Sir, money them tips.

13:39Sorry, don't remember asking you.

13:41Do you know how much your barmaid earned?

13:42She's got three kids to support.

13:44I've got three grandchildren to support

13:46and she's taken the Christmas money.

13:48Yeah? You want to play that game?

13:50You give them three quid each.

13:51It's a W.H. Smith gift token.

13:53Three quid?

13:54Yeah, you can get a couple of pencils for that.

13:56After a frank exchange of views,

13:58I enjoyed an early night.

14:00Albeit with an open penknife in my hand.

14:03Day two of my mental health hike in the Peak District

14:10and today I'll be scaling its highest hill, Kinder Scout.

14:16Sometimes think about how my life might have turned out

14:20had I taken a different path.

14:22I can imagine myself up here as a shepherd

14:27perhaps dressed in a woollen jerkin

14:33salvaged from the carcass of a dead sheep

14:36because I wouldn't want to waste the wool.

14:40A woollen hat, trousers, also made of wool

14:44and perhaps some sheepskin boots

14:47taken from a different part of the sheep

14:51so that I would be dressed almost completely.

14:56Not as a sheep, but in sheep.

15:00Those clouds look a bit like sheep.

15:04God, I'm bored.

15:07The last time I came to the Peak District

15:10was as a presenter of Tea Time magazine show This Time,

15:13where I reported on blacksmith Ron Eccles' fight

15:15to keep his ancient craft alive.

15:18There's something wonderfully elemental

15:19about watching a blacksmith at work.

15:22If you see Sean Bean or Liam Neeson

15:25hammering an anvil in a drama,

15:26you know you're in for a treat, even on ITV.

15:29But traditional craftsmanship

15:30is something that we don't see very often.

15:33Now everything's done for you.

15:34We're losing the skills that have been handed down

15:36to us over centuries.

15:38And I tell you, once it's gone, it's gone.

15:40Yeah, you see these people, don't you,

15:42queuing round the block for the latest trainers

15:44or working in an Apple store.

15:46And yet if Britain came under a cyber attack

15:48from the EU or Ireland,

15:51you think they would come a cropper?

15:52They'd starve to death.

15:53Yeah, good.

15:54I thought a blacksmith would be more like Liam Neeson,

15:56but you're quite chatty, aren't you?

15:58So are you.

15:59Yeah, well, the survivors are going to need someone

16:01to man the airwaves.

16:02I'm Alan Partridge.

16:03Don't forget, if a relative or loved one

16:05has just died to burn the corpse immediately

16:08before decomposition,

16:09because if those maggots hatch into blue bottles

16:11and the plague becomes airborne,

16:13then we're all for it.

16:14This is Shania Twain,

16:15and you're still the one I want.

16:17I wonder if she made it.

16:18I believe she had a ranch with some horses.

16:20I'm sure she'll be fine.

16:21But even without a prime-time TV show,

16:24there's always the chance to meet new people

16:25and learn new skills.

16:27This morning, I've happened across a farmer

16:29who spent the last half hour

16:31telling me about the ancient craft of sheepherding,

16:34which he says takes decades to master.

16:37So it's settled, steady, and what?

16:39Come by.

16:40Got it. Give me the whistle.

16:43Come by.

16:45Come by.

16:49Walk on.

16:50Have you done this before?

16:52No.

16:53Walk on.

16:55Steady.

16:56Steady.

16:57Walk on.

16:58Are you sure you've never done this before?

16:59Yep. Steady.

17:01There we go.

17:03Okay, settle, settle, settle.

17:05Very good.

17:07I found that quite easy.

17:09Really?

17:09Yeah.

17:10Do you ever use any part-time herders or shepherds?

17:14You know?

17:15Yeah, if you've got a day off or something,

17:16you know, I can...

17:18We should just talk more about it later.

17:21Yeah, yeah.

17:22Yeah, I found that quite easy.

17:24A fun morning.

17:26And while I was later upbraided for strapping a camera to a sheep,

17:29as far as I could tell, the sheep liked it.

17:31I'm walking along a sheep trail, as opposed to a human path.

17:37I think it was a Chinese man who once said,

17:39if you follow in the footsteps of a sheep,

17:41eventually it will lead you to a sheep.

17:44A Chinese man said that to me outside the O2,

17:50after a Coldplay concert.

17:51And he had a camper van,

17:54asked me to pop inside.

17:56Uh, popped inside.

17:57And then immediately regretted it,

18:00because, uh...

18:01Because...

18:02Because...

18:03Because...

18:07He is of my soul,

18:16CHOIR SINGS

18:46What the hell is this?

19:02Oh, hello.

19:03This is choirmaster Robin Gaskell.

19:06He and his youth choir dressed as businessmen

19:08have come to this cave to take advantage of its incredible acoustics

19:11and because the church they normally sing in

19:13is having its pews and kneelers wiped clean.

19:16When I heard that singing, I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

19:19I mean, I'm glad I haven't.

19:21And I'm sure you've got a few more years left in you.

19:23Yeah, I hope so.

19:24And so have you, because you're not that young either.

19:27And besides, a gypsy told me I was going to live till I was 90.

19:29Really?

19:30Yes, and she was right about my wife cheating on me.

19:33You must be proud as punch of this lot.

19:36Mm-hmm.

19:36Well, you should tell them then.

19:38They could be out there sniffing glue, but they're not.

19:41I mean, they might do later,

19:42but right now they're here lifting people's spirits.

19:44They certainly lifted mine

19:45because I didn't have a very nice breakfast.

19:46And, um, and all the parents, they know you bring their kids here?

19:54Yes.

19:54Yeah, good, good.

19:58When people talk about Stonehenge as if it's the only henge,

20:03I allow myself a quiet chuckle.

20:06I mean, throw a stick in Derbyshire and you hit a henge.

20:09I once threw a stick at a goat.

20:11Excuse me.

20:12Can you, can you help?

20:14Okay, my name's Alan.

20:16What's your name?

20:17Jeff.

20:18Am I all right to call you Jeff, Jeff?

20:19Yeah.

20:20Thanks, Jeff.

20:21Are you a paramedic?

20:22I'm not a paramedic,

20:23but I'm using the intonation of a paramedic.

20:24Is that okay, Jeff?

20:25Uh.

20:26Thanks, Jeff.

20:27I've broken my leg.

20:28Hey, hey, hey, look at me.

20:29No one's broken any legs, all right?

20:31No, I have, look.

20:32Oh, that's a broken leg.

20:34Jeff, I want you to look at me.

20:36Whatever you do, keep your head as still as possible.

20:39Why, do you think I've broken my neck?

20:40Oh, no, you've got a nugget of sheepship by your ear.

20:42Right, let's take a look.

20:43Pulse, good.

20:45Temp, good.

20:46Open mouth.

20:48Mouth, good.

20:48Say R.

20:49R.

20:50R, good.

20:50Stick your tongue out.

20:51A bit further, a bit further.

20:53Fucking hell, you've got a long tongue.

20:55How many fingers am I holding up?

20:57Two.

20:58Four.

20:59Two.

20:59One.

21:00Shit, I'm just giving you my pen number.

21:01Can you call Mountain Rescue?

21:03Here, use my Blue Harbor zile as a cushion.

21:07And you can use my fleece, also Blue Harbor,

21:09as a blanket.

21:11There we go.

21:12You look like you've got four arms now.

21:14In case you lack energy,

21:16I've stripped a Kit Kat to the waist,

21:18placed into the palm of your hands.

21:20If you can't chew it, suck it.

21:21If you need more energy,

21:23take your trousers off and suck him some more.

21:25And you wouldn't know it because of how helpful I'm being,

21:28but just to confirm,

21:31I think you and I both know

21:33that you're the person who wouldn't lend me the binoculars yesterday.

21:37It wasn't anything personal.

21:39I just have an anxiety regarding my face.

21:41No, I don't hold a grudge.

21:42I don't hold a grudge.

21:44Pardon?

21:45I didn't say anything.

21:46I thought I heard a thank you.

21:47If I'd known it was you,

21:48I would have lent you my binoculars.

21:50Why?

21:50Because celebrities don't have dirty eyes.

21:53I'll leave you with that, Jeff.

21:55This is when a proper hiking shoe is essential.

21:58If I was wearing a fashion trainer,

22:00I wouldn't be as half as able to gallop

22:03as I am here.

22:05I'm zigzagging

22:07to minimize the downward trajectory.

22:10Sorry.

22:15So it's just...

22:16Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

22:19Recovered.

22:20Nice one, Alan.

22:25Which service do you require?

22:27Helicopter, please.

22:28Injured man located.

22:29Is this an ambulance you need?

22:31A flying one, yes.

22:33Where are you?

22:34Peak District National Park,

22:35two clicks north of Castleton.

22:37That's Castleton, Charlie, Alpha,

22:40Sausage, Tango, Lima.

22:42Right, I've got it.

22:43Can you tell me exactly what happened?

22:45I can, but I've just realized

22:46I used the word sausage

22:47instead of Sierra

22:48for the phonetic alphabet.

22:49But that's because I'm hungry

22:51and I had sausage for breakfast.

22:52Just in the helicopter.

22:53Scramble, scramble.

22:54Sorry, I'm thinking about breakfast again.

22:58I injured my knee playing rugby.

22:59She was my physio.

23:00Yeah, my girlfriend's in Paris

23:02and my best friend.

23:03Oh, good.

23:04Nah, it's fine.

23:05They play badminton together

23:06and they've never played

23:07on any French courts before

23:09so I think they wanted to go over

23:10and check out a few of those.

23:11You want some water, Walter?

23:13No, you're all right.

23:14It's the hygiene thing again.

23:16Like with the binoculars yesterday.

23:18You knew how many germs

23:19were in your saliva.

23:20I don't dribble down the spout

23:21when I drink from it.

23:22If your lips have touched it,

23:23your saliva will be in it.

23:24Yes, but not sufficient

23:25to carry a viral load.

23:27Oh, right, okay.

23:27So I must have imagined

23:28the COVID epidemic

23:29that killed over 7 million people.

23:30You've got more chance

23:31of catching germs

23:32when you touch a doorknob,

23:33but I'll bet you still do that.

23:35Touching a doorknob

23:35is unavoidable risk.

23:36Sharing a bottle is not.

23:38I'm doing a documentary

23:38on mental health

23:39but I'll tell you something, mate.

23:40You're potty.

23:41French badminton courts

23:42are no different to British ones.

23:43A badminton court

23:43is a badminton court.

23:48I don't accept that.

23:49Pacing's this way.

24:00I want to throw a few dives

24:02that are going to come

24:02with an EC-15 or an AS-355.

24:05355, where is he?

24:06You can tell that by the lack

24:07of vertical stabiliser

24:08on the tailbone,

24:09which means it will struggle

24:11with crosswind.

24:12Pacing's this way.

24:13But on the plus side,

24:14much more aerodynamic.

24:16But you'll know that already.

24:17Did you know that already?

24:22Roughly when did it happen, Jeff?

24:23Patient was found at 1,400 hours.

24:26About 2 o'clock, Jeff.

24:27Yeah, I think so, yeah.

24:28Kept the patient still,

24:29administered two fingers

24:30of a chocolate wafer bar,

24:31orally.

24:32And have you been sick, Jeff?

24:33No, I didn't think so.

24:34Cream of chicken soup,

24:35administered for hydration,

24:36patient was unreceptive.

24:37OK, we're going to get you

24:38out of here, Jeff.

24:39Get you on a stretcher, all right?

24:40That's right.

24:41Get him on the whirlybird.

24:41Releasing Blue Harbour,

24:42one, two, three.

24:43Ah!

24:46You'll be in the front,

24:47on the back.

24:47You can't come with that.

24:49Happy to ride soccer.

24:50Right, we can't come.

24:51Happy to ride you have control.

24:57It's funny.

24:58I came to the great outdoors

24:59to fix a head.

25:00I left having fixed a leg,

25:02although I'm told the chap

25:03will need to use a cane.

25:06And of course,

25:07we couldn't do what we do

25:08if it weren't for the help

25:09of ordinary people

25:10doing extraordinary things.

25:12And that's why we award

25:14Citizen Bravery Awards.

25:16First, Daniel Allison.

25:18In January, Daniel's dad

25:19had a heart attack.

25:21Daniel managed to perform CPR

25:23whilst waiting for the air ambulance.

25:27Daniel.

25:27Next, Alan Partridge.

25:38Just this month,

25:39Alan ran for half a mile

25:41to Cool Mountain Rescue

25:42after finding an injured hiker.

25:45Alan.

25:45Members of the press,

25:59Lord Mayor Robert,

26:00Lady Mayor Jeanine,

26:02and our WPC lady here.

26:07People ask me,

26:09why is Britain great?

26:11I tell them,

26:12it's the heroes.

26:13Me, I am not a hero.

26:17Any big, strong man

26:19would have done what I did.

26:21The real heroes

26:22are the brave men and women

26:23of Mountain Rescue

26:24and their patron,

26:26His Royal Highness,

26:27the Prince of Wales,

26:28himself a former

26:29helicopter rescue man.

26:31I know Prince Andrew

26:33also takes an interest,

26:34having once been

26:34a helicopter pilot himself,

26:36although he takes more

26:38of a backseat role these days.

26:40Still, a consummate pilot.

26:43He knows how to handle

26:44an unruly bird

26:45even when taking heavy flack

26:47during turbulence.

26:48Trick is to get as far away

26:49from the storm as possible.

26:52I'm sorry about that.

26:53Someone said that would be funny.

26:54I don't think it is.

26:54I think it's awful what he did.

26:57Let's simply salutes

26:58a gifted pilot

26:59and a world-class trade envoy.

27:02His friendship

27:03with a rich, dead, bad man

27:04notwithstanding.

27:05As for Jeff,

27:09the chap whose life I saved,

27:10it's funny.

27:11He thinks I helped him,

27:14but he's healed something in me.

27:16So I don't want to hear

27:18any more of this

27:19Alan Partridge is a hero.

27:21Alan Partridge puts his life

27:23on the line nonsense.

27:26They're just empty words.

27:27The words that really meant something

27:29aren't on a certificate.

27:31They come from my 10-year-old godson,

27:33Chris Tarver,

27:34who, when asked what he wanted to be

27:36when he grew up,

27:36said,

27:37I want to be like Alan,

27:38a hero.

27:40His dad said to him,

27:41but I only told you

27:42Alan had found an injured man.

27:44You didn't hear the end of the story.

27:46I didn't need to,

27:48replied the boy,

27:49because I knew

27:49as soon as Alan found him...

27:57Because I knew

27:58as soon as Alan found him,

28:00he was going to be all right.

28:03I want this helicopter.

28:14And if you're feeling kind of sad,

28:17come over to my house.

28:19I'll make you some chicken soup,

28:22and I'll be asking

28:23these simple questions.

28:26How are you?

28:28How am I?

28:29How is he?

28:31How is she?

28:33How are they?

28:35How?

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