Skip to playerSkip to main content
Watch TV
  • 2 days ago
Frauds.(2025).S01E01

Category

šŸ“ŗ
TV
Transcript
00:00I've never known a girl like you before
00:04I'm just rocking a song from days of yore
00:11Here you come a-knockin', knockin' on my door
00:19And I've never met a girl like you before
00:30I've never met a girl like you before
01:00I've never met a girl like you before
01:29I've never met a girl like you before
01:59I've never met a girl like you before
02:29It'll be too soon
02:31Bert, I only have one wish for you
02:33May you die in your sleep
02:36Hey, let me help you
02:43Oh, it's books
02:50One has to pass the time
02:53I'll be right back to you
02:58MUSIC CONTINUES
03:23Too fast?
03:24What, now?
03:25It's good to get a bit of speed up.
03:29So how are you?
03:31Life treating you good?
03:33Well, you know.
03:34No, I don't.
03:36It's been ten years.
03:40Where is it you live in?
03:42In the hills.
03:44Ooh.
03:45You didn't fancy going back to dear old Blighty?
03:48Yeah, the fact I haven't lived there since I was 16
03:50and the driving rain, it was a real draw.
03:53What if the doctor said?
03:59Months, not years.
04:06I'm sorry.
04:07Don't be.
04:08Here's me time to think about my epitaph.
04:13Live, laugh, laugh.
04:14Die, cry, hate.
04:19What do you need, Bert?
04:23A bed.
04:24A toilet and a window.
04:26Anything else?
04:28I need you to pull over.
04:34Pull over.
04:35You okay?
04:36Yeah, yeah.
04:37Regular occurrence.
04:38We're getting some water.
04:39We're getting some water.
04:40Oh.
04:41Oh.
04:42Oh.
04:43Oh.
04:44Oh.
04:45Oh.
04:46Oh.
04:47Oh.
04:48Oh.
04:49Oh.
04:50Okay?
04:51Yeah, yeah.
04:52Regular occurrence.
04:53We're getting some water.
04:54Oh.
04:55Oh.
04:56Oh.
04:57Oh.
04:58Oh.
04:59Oh.
05:00Oh.
05:01Oh.
05:02Oh.
05:03Oh.
05:04Oh.
05:05Oh.
05:13I can almost see the sea.
05:16I want to go swimming.
05:18Well, I've got a little pool at my place.
05:22Got a pool?
05:23Who allowed to go swimming?
05:25I've got cancer.
05:26I'm not porous.
05:27What's the
05:29Ć¢ tae tae tae tae?
05:34That Ihrn?
05:34Oh, yes.
05:36Oh.
05:38Oh.
05:50Oh.
05:50Oh.
05:51Oh.
05:52Oh.
05:52Oh.
05:53Oh.
06:24A bit nippy up here in the clouds, innit?
06:40It's a lot of land.
06:47It's not mine.
06:50So, whose is the donkey?
06:53The donkey's mine.
06:54So are the chickens?
06:55The boars are wild.
06:58I suppose it helps not to be the only boar around here.
07:00Oh, she's still funny.
07:03I suppose we can't all have your wish and remedy, can we?
07:06It's a curse.
07:07Oh, shit.
07:09Is that the pool?
07:13I was hoping to get my lumps in.
07:17Well, I can if you want.
07:19Shit.
07:20I'm going to die of legionnaire's disease when I've penciled in the big C.
07:23Can I ask?
07:27Tumor on my liver.
07:29Inoperable.
07:31Pills make me nauseous and tired, but they help me live longer.
07:35If I don't take them, I feel weirdly normal, but I could drop dead in weeks, not months,
07:41so I'll catch 22, if you will.
07:47This isn't where I thought you'd be living.
07:49I thought you'd be in our frontline villa in Puente Romano.
07:53Puente Romano?
07:53Or more Bene Hades?
07:56Yeah, yeah, of course.
07:57Up above it all.
07:58Got you some bits.
08:16What?
08:21Oh, well, that's a lovely lady bra.
08:25Who's all they had?
08:26Then I had to guess the size.
08:28Thanks.
08:30Oh, I've made up your room.
08:32And if there's anything you need, I can get it when you...
08:35What, in my death throes?
08:36You can't say it.
08:38Oh, yeah, OK, that.
08:41Look, if things get too spicy, then I'll down a bottle of bourbon,
08:44make some pills, and you can bury me under your goats.
08:47They've made me sign things.
08:49I'm your carer and your guardian.
08:51You can't just go and top yourself.
08:52I'll write a letter saying you knew nothing about it.
08:54Jesus, Sam, lighten up.
08:57OK.
08:59Oh, I'm going to offer a girl a drink of batch five.
09:09Oh, that is clean.
09:11That is better than prison hooch.
09:13It's made from tomatoes.
09:15What?
09:16Am I getting this right?
09:17You're living on the side of a mountain in a goat herder's hut,
09:20making tomato moonshine to make sure that life isn't too easy?
09:25Yeah, I suppose I am, yeah.
09:26Why?
09:27You're the best con woman I know.
09:29You could be living the high life.
09:31That'd be crass, wouldn't it?
09:32With you in prison?
09:35We should have both gone down for that job.
09:36Well, it was my job, and I fucked it up.
09:42Ah!
09:43Oh!
09:45Fuck!
09:51Come on, we're going out.
09:52Let's not dwell on the past.
09:54Today, we drink to life.
09:56OK, yeah, let's go out.
09:57Whatever you want.
09:58You want to put some makeup on,
09:59because you don't misspeak the horses with that face.
10:21What are we celebrating?
10:24My death.
10:25Hurry up, mate.
10:48Salut.
10:49To you.
10:50To us, surely.
10:51This isn't about me.
10:53OK, to me.
10:55God, no.
11:01It's herbal.
11:02I promise.
11:03What, Anna?
11:04Try it.
11:04No!
11:05It just gives me a little pep in my step.
11:08Don't want me falling asleep mid-conversation, dear.
11:09Where'd you even get it?
11:11The chemist in prison was a mate.
11:17Have you done any job since I was away?
11:19No.
11:19Would you consider a job if it came up?
11:22No.
11:23Our old contacts.
11:24You told them that you're out?
11:26No.
11:26Don't want to bum anyone out with my bad news.
11:30How's your emotions?
11:32You're very zen.
11:35It's been ten years.
11:36People change.
11:37Hmm.
11:39So they say.
11:40What's that meant to me?
11:41Hmm.
11:42One of the oldest borings in the world.
12:07Barbaric sport.
12:09No, it's the opposite.
12:10It's our attempt to sanitize barbarism.
12:13To tame the beast, as it were.
12:15Aw, it's shut.
12:16We'll have to come back tomorrow.
12:17Oh, I want to go in.
12:19It's on my bucket list.
12:20It isn't.
12:22How do you know?
12:22My bucket list has been kicked.
12:24You want to go in now?
12:25Because you can't go in now.
12:27Bet you a euro that you can't get in there.
12:29I'm not doing that.
12:30I'm not doing a bet you a euro.
12:31No way.
12:31You've never failed a euro bet.
12:33Well, today's the day.
12:35That's a dummy, I can tell.
12:38Whatever you're getting us into, I'm not doing it.
12:40You've just got out of prison.
12:41Yeah, on compassionate discharge.
12:43You don't worry about my discharge.
12:45How's your discharge?
12:46I hope that's compassionate.
12:47We'll get caught.
12:49So then make sure we don't.
12:52Look, you can come back here when I'm gone,
12:54and you can remember the time that we argued about
12:56not breaking into the boring,
12:57or you can remember the time that we got into
12:59the boring undetected.
13:00So which is it going to be?
13:07Fine.
13:07I just saw a man robbing his bag
13:19to a woman close to the Plaza de Toros,
13:21on the mayor street, where the pharmacy is.
13:24Go.
13:41It's not the usual sort of thing you bring out to drink.
13:44I take it everywhere with me.
13:46Yeah, I know you do.
13:48Well, keep a lookout then.
13:49Ooh, I'm in.
14:05This is why they pretend it's alarmed.
14:08It's not just a dust bowl for spearing cattle.
14:10Now, this was worn by the great Francisco Romero
14:13300 years ago.
14:15He introduced the Red Cape to bullfighting.
14:18This little ghetto up is worth an arm and a leg.
14:21Oh.
14:22Big bullfighting expert now.
14:24No, I was reading the plaque.
14:25The killing of the bull.
14:31It's not quick.
14:34And it's slow.
14:37The first bandaya goes in here.
14:41And the ribs.
14:42And then three more spears are fired.
14:45Disables the bull.
14:47Tears up the muscle.
14:49Breaks him down while he's alive.
14:53Fuck.
14:53Are you OK?
14:58Just give me a minute.
14:59I've got to find my loo.
15:12Hey.
15:14Hey, you OK?
15:15You've been ages.
15:15Yeah.
15:16Fine.
15:18Oh.
15:19Oh, man.
15:23OK, OK, OK.
15:27Oh, God, God.
15:33Now what?
15:40Why is there always got to be a what?
15:46All right?
15:46I'm not charging you in your massive lady bra.
15:56Yeah, go on.
15:59Charge me.
15:59Piss off.
16:00Ollie!
16:01Ollie!
16:04What are you doing?
16:08Why don't you come and visit me in prison?
16:14You told me not to.
16:15I said, like, the dust set all.
16:17I went a couple of months.
16:19Ten years.
16:20I did want to, but I'd left it too long.
16:26And then I felt so bad that you'd been sent down and I had.
16:30Yeah.
16:31Hey.
16:34Mom.
16:36Charge me.
16:40Come on.
16:41Come on.
16:42Come on.
16:43Play the game.
16:44I don't play games, but...
16:47Yes, you do.
16:48Oh, go on.
17:03Hey!
17:08Hey!
17:08Hey!
17:09You're a dick.
17:29Don't ever do that again.
17:31Sorry, I forgot about you.
17:32No, it's fine.
17:34I get it.
17:36When's the last time you did anything like that?
17:37Not even a little break and enter?
17:40Just to get the blood pumping?
17:42No.
17:42You need to remember who you are.
17:44I know who I am.
17:45Yeah.
17:46You're not fun anymore.
18:07You're out.
18:08I know.
18:08No, no, no.
18:08No.
18:26I was on Twitter.
18:28It's something I need to say.
18:58I'm really sorry.
19:02For what?
19:05For not coming to see you.
19:08And it's not okay.
19:10I don't need your guilt, Sam.
19:12We agreed that if one of us got charged,
19:14we wouldn't take the other one down.
19:16And I didn't.
19:17And that's all that's happened, yeah?
19:28I'm sorry I wasn't there while you were going through this treatment.
19:31It's fine.
19:32It isn't.
19:36Just leave that.
19:37It's a no-one you want me to contact for you.
19:48No.
19:49Not even mistake.
19:52Take.
19:53I know it went south, but she was like a mother to you.
19:55No.
19:56She didn't come and see me in prison.
19:59I wrote to her over the years, but...
20:01I always felt like you gave her too much credit.
20:04She's all I had.
20:05But I'm just saying...
20:07She could have behaved better.
20:09Yeah.
20:10Well, we all could have behaved better, but here we are.
20:16Look, is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?
20:18Is there any pain relief that you need?
20:20Can we not talk about the cancer?
20:23I just want to enjoy my time with you.
20:25Is that's what you want?
20:28Yeah.
20:29It's what I want.
20:34Okay.
20:37I would leave it.
20:38It's...
20:39It's nice to have the option to turn it off myself.
20:43Yeah, of course.
20:46I...
20:55It's...
21:21It's nice to have kids.
21:53Ladies and gentlemen, prepare the bingo for your lives.
22:00Are you feeling lucky tonight?
22:03You are lucky to be in front of this goddess.
22:08Let's go.
22:16From bed.
22:23She's out.
22:28She can't be.
22:29Says she's being released early on compassionate grounds.
22:32Why?
22:34She's dying.
22:36Says she wants to meet you.
22:38Something she wants to do.
22:40Or wants me to do more like.
22:43Poor girl.
22:45There is nothing poor about her.
22:47Carmen.
22:48Let's not take any chances.
22:50We'll keep her at a distance.
22:52Let's not get her at a distance.
23:22You okay?
23:50Yeah, yeah.
23:52How did you sleep?
23:55Like a log.
23:59Can't believe you kept them.
24:00Just stuffed in a box.
24:03Oh, I smell.
24:04You can stick them in the wash.
24:05Yeah, well, you'd smell it if you were kept in a box for ten years.
24:12Egg wine tonight?
24:15I was thinking more for breakfast.
24:17Can we go to the house today?
24:19Just for old time's sake.
24:20Really?
24:20Yeah, I want to go to some of our old haunts.
24:24Why?
24:25Because I'm a sentimentalist.
24:26Humor me.
24:27You're not.
24:28But okay.
24:29We're not going to lay.
24:31We're not going to let you go.
24:33We're not going to let you go.
24:34Okay.
24:35I want to let you go.
25:07My husband likes to order for me.
25:18Is it old and tired, or is it just me?
25:20Oh, I think you look gorgeous.
25:22Everywhere looks exciting when you're young.
25:24You remember that barman's, have you?
25:26He was young and exciting, or at least you thought so.
25:29He was a dick.
25:30There's been no significant other walloping away.
25:38No one of note.
25:40Are you not going to ask me?
25:42What it was like in prison, and one gets on in the old sex department?
25:45Oh, I'm sure you're going to tell me.
25:47Well, there was this one young woman called Leona,
25:50and a guard who was delightful.
25:52Put it this way, I passed the time.
25:54I've been thinking a lot about the past, though.
26:00Yeah.
26:03We should have stayed out of trouble.
26:05We were never far from trouble.
26:06Not working for Miss Take.
26:08She had us running some rights camps, didn't she?
26:10I mean, we were fucking teenagers.
26:12She had us pickpocketing old men.
26:14Yeah, and the rest.
26:16Good training ground, though.
26:18If we hadn't worked for her,
26:19we wouldn't have gone on to bigger and better things.
26:21Or we wouldn't have ended up...
26:22I wouldn't have ended up in prison.
26:23Did it really just stop, when I was locked up?
26:26Yeah, of course.
26:27Why, of course?
26:28Because...
26:29I don't do crimes on my own.
26:30Because you need me.
26:31I didn't say that.
26:32Well, I need you.
26:33I'm here, aren't I?
26:34Yeah, you are.
26:35I also need the loo.
26:36I need the loo.
26:37I need the loo.
26:38I need the loo.
26:39I need the loo.
26:40I need the loo.
26:41I need the loo.
26:42I need the loo.
26:43I need the loo.
26:44I need the loo.
26:45I need the loo.
26:46I need the loo.
26:48I need the loo.
26:49I need the loo.
26:50I need the loo.
27:15I need the loo.
27:16I need the loo.
27:17Whatever.
27:18I ordered for you.
27:31I thought you might want something to eat.
27:33Hmm.
27:36What?
27:37Nothing.
27:40Something.
27:43I want to do one last job with you before I die.
27:46Selma, I want to go out with a bang.
27:48No.
27:49Not happening.
27:50Sam!
27:52Absolutely not.
27:54Look if you're so desperate to do one.
27:56Call one of your other mates.
28:03Hey.
28:21Oh.
28:33Abracadabra, baby.
28:54I love you.
29:03I don't know.
29:33I'll get the gas.
29:41Want anything else?
29:42No, I'm fine, thanks.
29:59Shit.
30:00Shit, it's a drive.
30:03Oh, my God, shit.
30:18My fucking God, what is wrong with you?
30:20What did you do?
30:21Just politely informed them that we needed the money in the term more than they did.
30:25With a fucking gun?
30:26The CCTV, they'll have the plates.
30:28It wasn't working, I checked.
30:30I'm not stupid.
30:31Oh, my God, a gun, Bert, a fucking gun.
30:34Where did you even get it?
30:35I smuggled it out of prison.
30:37What the fuck?
30:39I want no part in this.
30:41I've kept my nose clean for ten years.
30:45And then last night the ball ring and now this.
30:47You've only been out two minutes.
30:49Do not bring your shit to my door.
30:51Oh, shut up, you love it.
30:52I really don't.
30:53Why don't you get yourself something nice, sweet cheeks?
30:56I'm such a twat.
30:58Woo!
30:58God, I think it's hidden.
31:07Why are you so stressed?
31:10Because you can't keep your dick in your pants.
31:12Get rid of the gun.
31:14Get rid of the gun.
31:17Sam, we're such a good team.
31:21You're always so good under pressure.
31:23Why would you do that?
31:24Well, because I can.
31:25You can't go through life doing things because you can.
31:27It's a bit late for a lecture.
31:29How much did you take?
31:30A couple of hundred.
31:31Here, take it.
31:33Where are you going?
31:35To clean up your mess.
31:37On my own.
31:39Just trying to inject a bit of fun into your drab little life.
31:52Bilal.
31:54Eat up.
31:55You don't know what you'll be getting fed over there.
31:57Don't fuss, Mum.
31:58I'll be all right.
31:59I just want you to be careful.
32:00I'm getting picked up at the airport.
32:02I've driven to a villa.
32:04And all I have to do is paint, Mum.
32:06That's it.
32:06That's it.
32:08What are you doing?
32:09I've done this.
32:11I've done this.
32:14You can't do it.
32:14I've done this.
32:15I've done this.
32:18I've done this.
32:19That's it.
32:21I've done this.
32:22I've done this.
32:23You've done it.
32:25Good evening.
32:35Good evening.
32:37Did you hear that there was a robbery in the store today?
32:41No, there was no robbery.
32:44What do you mean?
32:46So, no one has robbed money.
32:52I'm wrong.
32:55Little jobs.
33:18I'm here.
33:20You can't come here, I've told you.
33:22I don't have anyone else who understands.
33:24You're the only one that knows what went down.
33:26You don't need to figure it out on your own, or it will be dangerous for you.
33:31How is she?
33:34Sam, what disgust is, you just need to hold your nerve, okay?
33:39Do what you say you do for her and just be her friend.
33:42It's easier said than done when she's living under my roof.
33:44She's pushing me.
33:45I feel like I'm gonna crack.
33:48I'm sorry, Sam.
33:49You can't contact me, okay?
33:50I have to go now.
33:51I don't know.
33:52It's all right.
33:53It's a seller.
33:54It's all right.
33:55It was a seller.
33:56Trying to find her.
33:57Awww, you kept my G.
34:00You lied to me.
34:01Why?
34:02What is wrong with you?
34:03You're very paranoid today.
34:04I know you didn't hold up the garage.
34:05No, I didn't.
34:06Ah, you kept my G.
34:17You lied to me. Why?
34:19What is wrong with you? You're very paranoid today.
34:22I know you didn't hold up the garage.
34:24No, I didn't.
34:25So why did you pretend to?
34:27Just to show you that you still have that feeling
34:29and to see if push came to shove, if you still have my back.
34:32Isn't this enough?
34:34Coming to get you, bringing you here.
34:36Promising to take care of you?
34:38Yes, of course. For dying purposes.
34:41Where did you get the money?
34:42It's what I came out of prison with. I worked at the hairdressers.
34:44I could blow you off if you like.
34:47Sam, is it not a little bit funny?
34:49No, not at all.
34:51I just want to get you to a place where you might be open to saying yes.
34:54Oh, that immediately makes me want to say no.
34:57I'm just trying to remind you of who we are together.
35:05What?
35:05You threw a tomato at me, that's what.
35:08Okay, so I don't just want to do a job. There is a job.
35:10Oh, of course there is.
35:11It's big.
35:12Are you listening to me? I said no.
35:15This is different. It's one and done. It is fuck off money.
35:20Oi.
35:20What do you need the money for? You're dying.
35:25I'll kick a girl while she's down.
35:26What's in it for you?
35:28Legacy.
35:29I want to make my mark before I shuffle off this mortal coil.
35:32Okay, it's not just about legacy.
35:37It's a bit...
35:39Okay, a lot about payback.
35:41Oh, that's more like it.
35:42Payback to who?
35:43My old cellmate, Isabella.
35:45What did she do that was so bad?
35:46She underestimated me and treated me like a little bitch.
35:49It was her job, but I got her contacts out of her.
35:51Stupid fucker.
35:53Just please, son, say yes.
35:55Say yes to what exactly?
35:56Well, let's just say you'll be clear in seven figures.
35:58Well, if it's so much money and you're double-crossing her,
36:03what's to stop this Isabella from coming after you?
36:05Well, another ten years in prison, for a start.
36:08Look, I know I can do this job.
36:10I just... I just need a partner.
36:13Sam, I don't just need any partner. I need you.
36:16Oh, please.
36:17This is the last thing you do for me, and it probably will be.
36:22I need this.
36:24Sam, please, just do it for me.
36:26And then afterwards, I will go away.
36:27I'll die quietly. I've found a hospice.
36:29You don't even have to hear from me again.
36:31Oh, Christ.
36:39You've been going through my stuff.
36:41Put that back.
36:42If your daughter rocks up, which I know you want,
36:44what are you going to offer her?
36:45Half a dozen eggs or the chance to be set for life?
36:48Can you imagine?
36:49Never having to worry about money again.
36:51How amazing would that be?
36:52What a legacy for you to leave.
36:55Do not bring her into this.
36:57I fucking knew it.
37:11The fucking matador costume.
37:14The police will be looking for it.
37:20Fuck!
37:23Everything you touch.
37:25Breathe.
37:35One, two, three.
37:35One, two, three.
37:37One, two, three.
37:39One, two, one, two, three.
37:42Just tell me something, anything.
37:43Just take my mind off it.
37:45Burt wrote to me.
37:50She's out.
37:52Burt?
37:54God, not her.
37:56Don't get involved with her, babe.
37:57She is not worth it.
37:59Hey, do you hear me?
38:04Yeah.
38:09Ladies and gentlemen, it's why you're all here.
38:13Tonight, he's gone at Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas,
38:16because he's here with you all.
38:18It's the great Diablo, and introducing his beautiful new assistant, Comet.
38:26Join the Cy please.
38:46Here you go.
38:49Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the hi-hat.
39:14Where did you come from?
39:26Well, some chickens have just got it.
39:30And you got it, baby.
39:44Boy, who did you get yours?
39:46Woo-hoo!
39:47Huh?
39:48Fucker?
39:51Huh?
39:52Fucker?
39:55We're looking good today.
39:57We're looking good in every way.
39:59No stocking.
40:01You better watch, don't mess with me.
40:05No money man could win my love.
40:10It's sweetness that I'm thinking of.
40:14We always hang in a buffalo stance.
40:17We do the dialing, now we dance.
40:19I give you love, baby, now the romance.
40:21I make a move, nothing left for chance.
40:23So don't you get fresh with me.
40:26I dont know you're doing.
40:34Oh, oh, oh, oh.
40:36Oh, oh!
40:39Oh!
40:41Oh, oh, oh...
40:43You've got to see me still at lobi!
40:46Oh, oh, oh, oh!
40:49With ŠŠ¾hh!
40:50Oh!
40:53Ah!
40:54Oh!
40:55Oh!
40:56Oh!
40:57Oh!
41:08Ah!
41:23Jesus!
41:42What's the job?
41:51Tell me.
41:52You gonna do it?
41:53As long as I call the shot.
41:55No, it's my gig, my knowledge, my contacts.
41:59No deal then.
42:00Sorry.
42:01I'm not just gonna do what you tell me to do.
42:03Why not?
42:04Because it doesn't work for me.
42:05I need to be in charge.
42:07One job.
42:08That's it.
42:09And I'm gonna orchestrate it so that if anything goes wrong, and I mean anything, it'll look like you did it, not me.
42:14Oh, come on now.
42:15How's that a good deal for me?
42:17Because you know you can trust me.
42:19Is that so?
42:20Yeah.
42:21Your feet need to be to the fire.
42:24And I need to keep them there.
42:26What happened?
42:28What happened?
42:29You happened.
42:30So go on then.
42:32What's the job?
42:33Art theft.
42:34What are we gonna do?
42:35Steal the Mona Lisa?
42:36Don't be ridiculous.
42:37We are gonna steal the face of the great masturbator.
42:38By Salvador Dali.
42:39What are we gonna do?
42:40Steal the Mona Lisa?
42:41Don't be ridiculous.
42:42We are gonna steal the face of the great masturbator.
42:44By Salvador Dali.
42:46By Salvador Dali.
43:48A little bit of magic.
43:53And a touch of panache.
43:57Who is this buyer?
43:59She's a feminist art collector.
44:01I'm a million a lot of money.
44:02Stealing your paintings is a lot of work.
44:04Can you sell my Wimple?
44:07I thought you'd ever ask.
44:08I thought you'd ever ask.
Be the first to comment
Add your comment