- 9 hours ago
Aladdin is miserable, even feels unworthy of the royal family, after being unable to keep up with posh conversation at a court dinner, where rich merchant Daru stole the show with wit and oratory. Jago volunteers to teach him a crash-course fake culture and manners which impresses the gang, but not Jasmine, and still proves no match for slick Daru. The guards report a fire-breeding centipede-like monster is turning the desert into glass, so the gang rides and faces what turns out to be Mechanicles's latest invention. Overcoming it brings a surprise bonus.
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TVTranscript
00:00The last of the wood, but we will freeze. We must have fire.
00:30All art is a revolt against man's fate.
00:34Perhaps. Although I adore art, I prefer nature.
00:39Nature itself is but art, unknown to thee.
00:42Huh?
00:43The perfection of art is to conceal art.
00:47Who am I to carry on? I, of course, am not an artist, but a humble businessman.
00:56Ah, but then the business of Agrabah is business.
01:00That's right, Daru. It's merchants such as yourself who have made Agrabah so prosperous.
01:07Um, I'm an adventurer, you know. Just the other week, I fought a giant dancing rhinoceros.
01:14Fascinating. Whatever did you do?
01:17It was him or me.
01:20I threw my sword. We fought.
01:26Thrust!
01:30Whoops.
01:35Oh!
01:35My, my, my word!
01:37Boo!
01:38Water!
01:38Shh!
01:51Uh, gee, sorry about that.
01:53I'm sure the world is a safer place, thanks to your... heroics.
02:02Oh, thank you, honey.
02:07Howdy, kids. Oh, you wouldn't believe where I've been.
02:11This delightful little bistro in the Jurassic era, just before the aliens left the Earth.
02:15The...
02:15Hey, hello. Why the long face? Things can't be that bad.
02:24What? In front of the Sultan? And all those big shots? Oh, how humiliating! How embarrassing! How...
02:31Like I said, it's not that bad. Jasmine must think I'm an oaf. She's so cultured, and I'm so... common. So vulgar. So... unsophisticated.
02:44Philistine. You left out Philistine.
02:46Why can't I be more cultured? Like Daru.
02:49Well, this is your lucky day, kid. I can teach you culture.
02:54You?
02:54Piece of cake!
02:59Literature, art, education. Don't need them, because I know the shortcut.
03:05The shortcut?
03:06Two simple rules. One, never get your hair musked. Two, quote things.
03:12But my hair's always a mess.
03:14That's because you're always running around!
03:16A cultured man always has someone else run around for him.
03:21Well...
03:21Okay.
03:23But... what was that about quoting stuff? I... I don't know any quotes.
03:26No sweat! All you need is this!
03:29The Scroll of Witty Quotations!
03:33The secret to being witty is to quote witty people.
03:36Hmm...
03:37The secret to being witty is to quote witty people.
03:40Wow! Even that was a quote.
03:43I... I don't understand what any of these quotes mean.
03:45Don't worry about it.
03:47The less people understand, the more they're impressed.
03:50The less people understand, the more they're impressed.
03:54Woo-hoo!
03:55Ooh, Twilight Zone.
03:57Heh, just memorize that, Scroll, and the world is your oyster.
04:02I feel more cultured already.
04:04Oh, those nomads were seeing things.
04:10I see nothing out here to concern...
04:12What?
04:12What?
04:13Ow!
04:14Ugh!
04:15Patrol, halt!
04:19Strange.
04:20The ground seems to be made of...
04:22...glass.
04:23Al, baby, work with me on this one.
04:36Try to look snootier.
04:38Like, pretend you smelled something bad.
04:41No, I mean you smelled something really bad, like...
04:45D-Dissert eats camel cheese.
04:48Allow me, sir.
04:49Ew.
04:51Perfect, darling!
04:52Hold that look, baby!
04:54That is you!
04:56Aladdin!
04:56I've been looking all over for...
04:58What happened to your hair?
04:59Uh, hair is but the outward ornament, while true beauty lies within.
05:06What are you talking about?
05:08A good talker implies a good audience.
05:11Oh, you're upset about last night, aren't you?
05:14Well, there's nothing to be ashamed about.
05:16You were just being yourself.
05:18Jasmine, I was so embarrassed.
05:20Uh, while shame keeps its watch, virtue is not wholly extinguished.
05:26I don't know what you're talking about.
05:28I'll be back when you're normal again.
05:33You're doing great, sweetie.
05:35You just need to work on your delivery a little bit.
05:41Find the Sultan!
05:42Big trouble!
05:45I must insist that you check your horses at the door.
05:48Good day to you, sir.
05:59What's the hurry?
06:00There is a giant fire-breathing beast in the desert.
06:04No doubt it will destroy us all.
06:06A giant fire-breathing beast?
06:08We'd better check it out.
06:09Let's get dangerous!
06:13Ow, ow, ow!
06:15The hair!
06:15The hair!
06:17But what about the beast?
06:18Are you gonna mush your hair every time Hakeem predicts doom?
06:22Answer, no!
06:23Remember, a cultured man has someone else run around for him.
06:29Delegate responsibility.
06:32Well, maybe you could go check it out, Genie.
06:35Expertly delegated, sir.
06:39Traffic's pretty light out here in the wasteland.
06:42Temperatures will be in the hundreds.
06:43KGNE, news time 337.
06:48Nothing over there?
06:49Or there, or there, or there.
06:50But I think we've got something down there.
06:57Gotta work on that landing.
07:04What the heck was that?
07:09That's a big centipede.
07:11Okay, buddy, where's the fire?
07:27Is it hot or is it me?
07:33Do you realize you're upsetting the delicate ecological balance of the desert?
07:37I know.
07:38It bothers my fiendish plot.
07:40Mechanicles?
07:41I'm you with Mechanicles, the mad inventor.
07:44Tell us about your latest diabolical scheme.
07:46Well, let's start with getting rid of a certain annoying genu.
07:50Really?
07:50Anyone I know?
07:52Of course you know.
07:54This means war.
07:57Who can play the giant robot game Mechanicles?
08:02Wait!
08:02You give up?
08:04No, I was just wondering.
08:05Do you know how to get the ship out of this bottle?
08:09Sure, no problem.
08:10The trick is to get an upwind in your...
08:13Gotcha!
08:15Oh, I can't believe I fell for the old ship in the bottle trick again.
08:18No, nothing will stand in the way of doing the dishes!
08:23No, that can't be right.
08:24Oh, let's see.
08:25You polish...
08:26No, polish centipede and wax trash cans.
08:29No, that's right.
08:31Nothing will stand in the way of burning Agrabah to the ground.
08:37I said, that which is everyone's business is no one's business.
08:48Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
09:18but the threadbare jests of a threadbare jester.
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:23Yes.
09:24Oh, brother.
09:26But jesters do often prove wise men.
09:30Oh, yeah.
09:33Even a fool when he holds his peace is counted wise.
09:36Wow, sophisticated.
09:38Way to go, Al.
09:39I don't think anyone knew what that last one meant.
09:42Jazz, jazz, jazz.
09:44The hair, the hair.
09:45Aren't you worried about Genie?
09:46He should have been back by now.
09:49You're right.
09:50I'll send Corpett to look for him.
09:56We're all going.
09:58Jasmine, fools rush in where...
10:00Then we're going to be fools.
10:06Once they didn't drag me along on this stupid...
10:16Is that water?
10:21Oh, how strange.
10:26It's...
10:27It's glass.
10:29Wait.
10:35Ah!
10:38That's a big centipede.
10:41I don't want to be in this thing.
10:57Wait.
10:57I hate this.
10:59People might ask why I install an ant.
11:01That can't be.
11:02Please.
11:05Buy more nets.
11:07What have you done with Genie?
11:10Arr, me hearties.
11:11Batten down the...
11:13Hey.
11:13Oh, hi, Al.
11:15Uh, he tricked me.
11:16Sorry.
11:17Say, nice hair.
11:19Very cultured.
11:20How do you keep it from getting must?
11:23Oh, so it's my fault that you listen to me.
11:26Nice of you to stop by.
11:28I hope you don't mind if I catch up on my ironing.
11:31Well, I divulge my latest diabolical plan to impose order on a chaotic world.
11:36Uh, no.
11:38Be our guest.
11:39I hate wrinkles and bumps and things, don't you?
11:43Yes, how we...
11:44They just plain give me the willies.
11:47Do you know how glass is made?
11:50I know, I don't know.
11:51I'm going to find out somehow.
11:53I'm sure he's going to...
11:53Sand!
11:54Melted sand.
11:56I like glass.
11:57It's so smooth and even.
11:59No bumps, no wrinkles.
12:02Oh, imagine you had a machine that could melt the entire desert into a smooth plane of glass.
12:08Let me get this straight.
12:10You're going to iron the desert?
12:12Yes, correct.
12:13Sure.
12:14Yeah, that'll work.
12:16Yeah, good, good, good.
12:17Observe.
12:18Okay.
12:18Okay.
12:18Okay.
12:18Okay.
12:18Okay.
12:18Okay.
12:19Okay.
12:19Okay.
12:19Okay.
12:20Okay.
12:20Okay.
12:21Okay.
12:21Okay.
12:22Okay.
12:23Okay.
12:24Okay.
12:25Okay.
12:26Okay.
12:27Okay.
12:28Okay.
12:29Okay.
12:29Okay.
12:29Hey, I wish we had one of these things.
12:33I can hardly wait till Daru sees it.
12:35Daru?
12:36Daru Tavalevil?
12:37The merchant?
12:38You know him?
12:39Nice guy.
12:40Very cultured.
12:41Great hair.
12:41He is the merchant who sold me the iron to build this thing.
12:45Well, he wasn't too thrilled with my plan to destroy Agrabah, but he made a mint on the deal.
12:51Daru got rich selling out Agrabah.
12:53Oh, the jackal.
12:54Yeah, but think about all those jobs he created.
12:55Yeah, but think about all those jobs he created.
12:57What?
12:58What is...
12:59What?
13:00Did I say something?
13:01I was wondering, how did you get the ship into that bottle?
13:05Well, I'm so glad you asked.
13:07I have been working on this for years.
13:09You see, you don't build the ship and put it in.
13:12You built it inside and...
13:14Way to go, Al!
13:17I cannot believe...
13:18I fell for the old how do you get the ship in the bottle trick again.
13:22Get him!
13:27People might ask, why install an ejector panel?
13:32Replace ejector panel.
13:37Now to exact my revenge.
13:41But first I've got to get the wrinkles out of this tunic.
13:45Look!
13:49He cut it straight for Agrabah.
13:51Gee, sure glad we didn't pay next month's rent.
14:11Oh, I swear if it's the last thing I ever do, Daru is going to pay for betraying his people.
14:20I can't believe I looked up to that guy.
14:22I thought he was so cultured.
14:24Oh, it's okay, Aladdin.
14:25We were all taken in.
14:27Yeah, you know it amazes me how people fall for that Daru.
14:30He had even less charm than Aladdin.
14:32Till I lent him the scroll and taught him the hair thing.
14:37Oh, again the staring.
14:39So it's my fault you guys are so gullible.
14:42That doesn't.
14:43It's time for me to quit listening to your stupid advice and do things my way.
14:47Aladdin, you take carpet and warn Agrabah.
14:49We'll stay here and try to hold it off.
14:52Look, why don't I go with Aladdin and round up the palace guards?
14:55I'm sure they...
14:56There's no time for that.
14:57We'll have to handle this ourselves.
15:01Maybe we can trap it in the canyon.
15:03Huh, a few boulders oughta put a dent in Mechanocles' plan.
15:16Genie?
15:18Why don't you try pushing it the other way?
15:20Thanks, by mistake.
15:21By mistake.
15:22No!
15:23No!
15:24No!
15:25No!
15:26No!
15:27No!
15:28No!
15:29No!
15:30No!
15:31No!
15:32No!
15:33No!
15:34No!
15:35No!
15:36No!
15:37No!
15:38No!
15:39No!
15:40No!
15:41No!
15:42No!
15:43No!
15:44No!
15:45No!
15:46No!
15:47No!
15:48No!
15:49That was close, pal.
15:55I meant that was close, you squalid, flea-bitten monkey!
16:07We did it!
16:08I'm still tapping a lemon!
16:19Uh, maybe we should hold off the victory party.
16:42Okay, tin men. Meet your worst nightmare.
16:49Oh, my God!
16:51Oh, my God!
16:53Oh, my God!
16:55Oh, my God!
16:57Oh, my God!
16:59Oh, my God!
17:01Sorry, Al. Guess I blew it.
17:05Say! This could be a good look for me.
17:09Jeanie, you just figured out how to stop those things.
17:13Come on, everybody!
17:15Come on, everybody! Let's plug up those pipes.
17:19It's showtime!
17:21Oh, my God!
17:23Oh, my God!
17:25Oh, my God!
17:27Oh, my God!
17:29Help me with this! I got a bad back!
17:31Oh, my God!
17:33Oh, my God!
17:34Oh, my God!
17:35Hey, help me with this! I got a bad back!
17:37Oh, hey, help me with this.
17:42I got a bed back.
17:43Oh, I almost got it.
18:02Tiago, you can stop now.
18:04Ha, ha, ha, hey.
18:05Yeah.
18:05Uh, I don't want to sound pessimistic, but where's Mechanicales?
18:20People might ask, why put retractable bat wings on the head?
18:28Well, you intellectually deficient rapscallions.
18:34Prepare to meet your dome.
18:39Hey, guys, I got it.
18:40I got it.
18:41Ah!
18:57People might ask, why install seat belts?
19:00And I might ask...
19:04Why didn't I pack a coke or something?
19:11Come on, you worthless slacker. You sold this iron, and you're going to clean it up. Now move!
19:28Oh, what about my nails?
19:32Daru's working much faster than I expected.
19:35Yeah, at this rate he should be done in, oh, say, 10 or 15 years.
19:41Will you just leave me alone?
19:44Here it is! Will you just leave me alone?
19:47Wow, this is really weird.
19:49But how can everything I say be on the scroll?
19:53Look! But how can everything...
19:56This is the stupidest!
19:58I have never heard of anything so preposterous!
20:02How can everything I say be stuffed some stupid joker put down on paper?
20:06How can everything I say be stuffed some stupid joker put down on paper?
20:08This is awful!
20:09This is awful!
20:10Have I no free will?
20:11Have I no free will?
20:12Stop reading that thing!
20:14Don't be afraid of anything!
20:15See yourself!
20:16There it is.
20:17Don't be afraid of anything!
20:18Ugh!
20:19Don't be afraid of nothing!
20:20Don't be afraid of anything!
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