- 2 weeks ago
Funny Woman Season 1 Episode 4 - FULL
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Short filmTranscript
00:00It's night time with your host, Jason Knight!
00:06Keep up with me, boys.
00:08Please welcome the two young stars of Jim and Barbara.
00:12It's Clive Richardson and Sophie Straw!
00:17Oh!
00:21Someone's popped it off.
00:24Clive, honey, let's be honest.
00:27You've got what every man wants.
00:30The career is going pretty well.
00:32I'm talking about Sophie.
00:35What every man wants?
00:36Make me sound like a Black & Decker power drill.
00:39The accent is real.
00:42I think I'm in love.
00:43Well, join the queue, mate.
00:45Sophie, come on, what's old Clive got that I haven't?
00:48Bigger car.
00:49Bigger car? It's not the size that counts.
00:51I'll be the judge of that.
00:54She's got it, she's got it.
00:56And I want to catch it.
00:59I'm gonna give you love.
01:02Something's got a hole on me, yeah.
01:06I must be love.
01:08Oh!
01:09Something's got a hole on me right now, child.
01:13I must be love.
01:15Let me tell you now.
01:16I've got a feeling, I feel so strange.
01:19Everything about me seems to have changed.
01:22Step by step, I've got a brand new walk.
01:25I even sound sweeter when I talk.
01:28I said, oh.
01:29Oh.
01:30Oh, oh, oh.
01:31Oh, oh.
01:32Oh, oh, oh.
01:34Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:36See me, yeah.
01:38Oh, it must be love.
01:39All right, all right, I have a tattoo.
01:40You've had a lot of four I to pattern now.
01:42Oh, oh, oh, and she jumped.
01:45Oh, something's got a hold on me right now, child.
01:51Oh, let me tell you now, I've never felt like this before.
01:58Something's got a hold on me that won't let go.
02:01Believe I try if I'm holding good.
02:04I feel so strange, but it sure is good.
02:07I said, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
02:13Hey, hey, hey, oh, oh, it must be love.
02:17You know, it must be love.
02:18You know it walks like love.
02:20You know it walks like love.
02:22Oh, my God.
02:52Oh, my God.
03:22Absolutely bloody.
03:24What's for supper?
03:26Well, I thought you were buying fish.
03:28I thought you were. I was flat out.
03:30Well, we were flat out too. Sorry.
03:32Were you? Right.
03:34Well, I know it seems like all we do is lark around.
03:37Certainly looked that way when I saw you all in the club room.
03:40Well, well, yes. Fair point.
03:42That was very much larking around.
03:44I felt rather left out.
03:47I sometimes wonder if you should be with someone more fun.
03:51More like, I don't know, Sophie Straw.
03:53She's not available.
03:56Well, so now we know.
03:59Well, um, that couldn't have come out any more wrong.
04:05I was just, um, stating a fact.
04:08It's in all the papers.
04:09Sophie's with Clive.
04:10I thought you said she was bright.
04:12Well, as it happens, I've been reading Le Rien.
04:27A joke. I know it.
04:29It's a selection of philosophical essays about comedy.
04:32Yes, I read it. It's hilarious.
04:34Well, perhaps I could come along to the Pipe Smoke studio
04:40and see you in action.
04:42We're an arts and culture show.
04:45You're aware there won't be any laughs?
04:47I'm cultured. Try me.
04:50Who are you doing a profile of this week?
04:52Solzhenitsyn.
04:54The ballet dancer.
04:55Oh, Dennis, you're...
04:57I'm joking.
04:59I'm well aware of Russia's most famous dissident.
05:03All right, then. It's a date.
05:05I'll have a word with my boss.
05:07Though he's, um, sometimes a bit funny
05:09about guests in the control room.
05:10Vernon Whitfield being funny, this I have to see.
05:13And I'm not a guest. I'm your husband.
05:17Should we just nip out for fish and chips?
05:20Might be best.
05:20On s'en souvient.
05:24On s'en souvient.
05:28On s'en souvient.
05:32On s'en souvient.
05:33Oh no.
05:52Clive, wake up.
05:54Hmm?
05:55Your mom's here.
05:56What?
05:57Your mom.
05:58Your mom's here.
05:59Your mom.
06:00Shit, shit.
06:01Shit!
06:02Quick, hide.
06:03Hide.
06:04Where?
06:05In the cupboard.
06:06I'm fucking serious.
06:07My mom will have a heart attack.
06:08She sees you.
06:15Mother, what a lovely surprise.
06:22Well, I heard your fuse box, mate.
06:26You need a new circuit for your bracket valve.
06:30Oh, right.
06:31Oh, how rude.
06:32Sophie, this is Gladys.
06:34Morning.
06:35Watch her.
06:36She cleans.
06:38On Tuesdays and Fridays.
06:41I'll leave you to it.
06:42Thank you, Gladys.
06:46I hate you!
06:47You knew and you didn't say!
06:49Of course I did.
06:50Oh, by the way, my mother grew up with the Mitfords.
06:53She'd be shocked if I didn't have someone in bed.
06:55Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
06:58Gosh, is it...
07:00Is it wrong that I find you rather attractive dressed like this?
07:04And do the...
07:05Do the voice.
07:06You're weird.
07:07Oh, do it.
07:08Do the voice.
07:09All right, mate.
07:10Ooh.
07:11I've come to check your sprockets.
07:13Oh, sprockets.
07:14Oh, sprockets.
07:15I did.
07:16Nevertheless
07:23My love has come along
07:31My lonely days
07:33Uh-oh.
07:34Morning, Marjorie.
07:36You dirty stop-out.
07:39Does she sound you all right?
07:41Ooh.
07:42Doesn't he ever feed you?
07:43Breakfast at Clive's is a Bloody Mary with an egg in.
07:46Mmm.
07:47How very James Bond.
07:53Right.
07:54Better get me skates on.
07:56I've got a union meeting first thing,
07:58then they're making us do a fire drill.
08:00They've set up Master Point.
08:02I said Master Point.
08:03What's the point, more like?
08:05Fire a fire alarm.
08:06Going off, I'm not hanging about
08:07waiting to burst into flames in an orderly fashion.
08:09Squeezing me arse out the basement window.
08:12Are you sure you don't want a ticket to see the show this week?
08:15Why don't you take your dad?
08:16Put him up in a spanky hotel like you always said you would.
08:19Maybe I will.
08:21Introduce him to his future son-in-law.
08:23Give over?
08:25Anyway, I'm really busy this week.
08:27Decided to spread my wings a bit.
08:30What?
08:32Book myself in for yoga class.
08:34So, you'll be spreading your wings and your bum cheeks.
08:38What?
08:40Oh, God.
08:41Oh, Marjorie, that is disgusting.
08:43You've no manners at all.
08:45Oh, that's a good one.
08:50Right, night.
08:51I knew it was coming.
09:00Life appears to be imitating art.
09:02Well, that's good publicity for the show.
09:04The ratings are very buoyant.
09:05Well, that's what it may be.
09:06But now we've got this Mary Whitehouse woman breathing down our neck with her clean-up TV manifesto.
09:11Yes, but does anyone really take her seriously?
09:14Just the 500,000 people who signed a petition.
09:17Oh.
09:18Allow me to read you her appraisal of our output.
09:22Hmm.
09:23This organization spreads the propaganda of dirt, promiscuity, infidelity, and drinking.
09:28And apparently we are also responsible for the moral collapse of the country.
09:32Well done us.
09:34The director-general wants all our shows to reign it in.
09:37Jim and Barbara is quite racy enough without our stars upping the ante off-screen.
09:41Yes, well, I'm sure Jim and Barbara having the odd off-screen cuddle won't bring down the network.
09:47It's none of our business.
09:49It will be your business if any reports of personal misconduct go public.
09:54I am trusting you.
09:55Keep an eye on your stars.
09:57No cohabiting.
09:58And please, no more pictures in the press.
10:01Does my wife need to buy a new hat?
10:05I don't know.
10:06Is she going somewhere chilly?
10:07An engagement would be marvellous publicity.
10:10You and Clive are as cute as two kitties in a basket.
10:14You could be the next Peter Sellers and Brit Eklund, eh?
10:17Brian, why do you have their photo on the wall?
10:20You don't even represent them.
10:23Oh, yes?
10:24Well, there won't be any engagements, Brian.
10:27Not unless you got a proposal there from young Prince Charles.
10:30I hear he's quite partial to a bit of comedy.
10:33Nothing royal, darling, but you do have a letter from your old school PE teacher, Miss Linney.
10:37Oh, my God.
10:38Miss Linney.
10:39We used to call her Mussolini.
10:41She made us do cross-country in our pants.
10:44Oh, God.
10:45Anyone can track you down when you're on TV.
10:47Never mind the fan mail.
10:48We have news.
10:49Big news.
10:50You have been...
10:51Thank you, Patsy.
10:52Sorry.
10:53You have been offered a plum roll in a carry-on film.
11:02Oh, my actual film darling in cinemas.
11:05Hollywood, here we come.
11:06Oh, my God.
11:07I love the carry-on films.
11:08Yeah, my great friend Gerald Thomas, the director, reached out to me personally.
11:12She calls her eyes.
11:13We start shooting as soon as we finish the sitcom.
11:16Should I do the honors?
11:18OK, so how about this?
11:20Jim's working from home and Barb's gone off to see her mum.
11:23Somewhere up north, but Jim's been a bit cagey about his new secretary.
11:27So Barb's jumped to the conclusion it must be because this new secretary is sex on a stick.
11:31Yes, but just a flag.
11:33Why would Barbara be worried?
11:35I mean, forgive me, but we have an absolute bombshell playing our leading character.
11:42What?
11:43Nothing, Dennis.
11:44I didn't quite catch that, Dennis.
11:46Did you say lead character?
11:50Leading female character, I meant.
11:52No.
11:53No, I don't think you did.
11:56Ha-ha!
11:57I got you, didn't I?
11:58I'm only kidding.
11:59I honestly couldn't care less.
12:00Can we finish telling you our fucking great idea?
12:03So, chaps...
12:04Barbara is very worried and jealous.
12:06So she beats a hasty retreat back to the flat.
12:09Planning to surprise Jim and maybe catch him in the act with his new secretary, so to speak.
12:13Yes, go on, chaps, I'm with you.
12:14But...
12:15No, but, but, let me guess, let me guess.
12:17She marches in and oops-a-diddley-dandy, the new secretary is a fat Sunday school teacher
12:23with a big hairy mole and three-inch specks.
12:26Well, thank you for assuming we'd write something so deeply ordinary and predictable, Clive.
12:31But no, Jim's new secretary is a man.
12:37Are men secretaries?
12:39Oh, secretary of state, private secretary, secretary...
12:41No, no, no, no, no.
12:42But I mean usual, er, take dictation, Miss Jones type secretary.
12:46Of course men can be secretaries.
12:48The job doesn't actually require a vagina.
12:50Yes, but sorry to be Sir Lawrence's logic, but surely at some point Jim would say the secretary's name
12:56and Barbara would twig it was a man.
12:58Not necessarily.
12:59Not necessarily.
13:01Good.
13:04Good.
13:05Just good.
13:06Good.
13:08And into the tree pose, wave your branches in the breeze.
13:14Beautiful.
13:17Come steady.
13:18Clasping that right ankle, pushing the foot back so we go to dance the pose, reaching forwards, lift the foot...
13:27Ah, fuck!
13:29Don't do yourself a mischief before you've even gone in.
13:52Mischief's already been done.
13:54I'm not sure if I've slapped my hamstring or my knicker elastic.
13:57You should have come in with that lot.
14:00So what do you make in a women's workshop then?
14:04Trouble.
14:05Come on to the folks out.
14:08You wanna come?
14:12Yeah.
14:13Come on.
14:16Come on.
14:18Come on.
14:19Come on.
14:20Come on.
14:21Come on.
14:22Come on.
14:23Come on.
14:24Come on.
14:25Oh my God.
14:26What are you doing having a bath at half past seven in the morning?
14:28We haven't got a shower.
14:29Sorry I'm desperate.
14:30Oh.
14:31Relief.
14:35I must have about a gallon of lager in me.
14:36I didn't think yoga type strength.
14:37Yeah.
14:38Couldn't handle yoga.
14:39Went to the pub.
14:40Who with?
14:41I met some girls at a women's workshop.
14:42Yeah.
14:43Nice bunch.
14:44Interesting.
14:45One of them's a plumber.
14:46Limey.
14:47Maybe she could take a look at your leaky pipes.
14:48Haven't you finished yet?
14:49Stop looking.
14:50You're making me nervous.
14:51You're making it worse.
14:52I don't know.
14:53I'm sorry I'm desperate.
14:54Sorry I'm desperate.
14:55Oh.
14:56Oh.
14:57Relief.
14:58I must have about a gallon of lager in me.
14:59I didn't think yoga types drank beer.
15:00Couldn't handle yoga.
15:01Went to the pub.
15:02Who with?
15:03I met some girls at a women's workshop.
15:04Yeah.
15:05Nice bunch.
15:06Interesting.
15:07One of them's a plumber.
15:08Limey.
15:09Maybe she could take a look at your leaky pipes.
15:12Haven't you finished yet?
15:13Stop looking.
15:14You're making me nervous.
15:15You're making me nervous.
15:16Oh.
15:17How come Clive hasn't asked you to move in then?
15:21So you'll be running back here every morning?
15:24Oh.
15:25We haven't really discussed it.
15:27And Dennis says that Ted Sargent wouldn't stand for it.
15:30I suppose it would mean we'd have to get married for real.
15:34Why doesn't he just propose then?
15:36Everyone at work keeps asking.
15:39Oh.
15:40Tell everyone at work to keep their beats out of my business.
15:43God.
15:44You can't do anything these days without everyone watching us.
15:47Or writing it up in the paper.
15:49You have to be really careful.
15:52Well you need to be careful that you don't get stuck with all these blokes telling you what to do with your life.
15:56Last night me and the girls were talking about poor old Cynthia Lennon.
15:59Poor?
16:00Don't think so.
16:01She's got a baby with a beetle and she's still made to walk ten paces behind him so that he can look sexy and available.
16:08Price, you're a bit argy-bargy today, Madge.
16:11What was in that beer?
16:13Was it a pint of courage?
16:14No.
16:15Us women, we've got to stand up for ourselves, Barb.
16:18No.
16:20Not put up with all of the...
16:24Er...
16:25Er...
16:26Paige...
16:27Paige Carcall bullshit.
16:42Diane Lewis.
16:43Today with Andrew O'Shea.
16:45So, at this point do I know the secretary is in the kitchen?
17:03No.
17:04No.
17:05Could be anywhere.
17:06Bedroom, bathroom, hiding in a cupboard.
17:09Oh!
17:10So, could I be an electrician?
17:14An electrician come to check his spruits.
17:18What did you say?
17:19Yeah.
17:20Yeah, yeah, yeah.
17:21Yeah, all right.
17:22Hey, put this on.
17:23Perfect.
17:24We take it back to the entrance?
17:26Oh, yes.
17:27Very good.
17:28So, obviously I, Jim, knows that it's Barbara from the moment she comes in the door.
17:32Right, but you don't want her to know you know.
17:35Hmm.
17:36Why not?
17:37Because that's how we wrote it.
17:39It's a double bluff.
17:40You've got the upper hand.
17:41Okay.
17:42Yes.
17:43Good.
17:44Good.
17:46All right.
17:47So, thanks for coming round.
17:48It's Charlie, isn't it?
17:49Yes, sir.
17:50My parents named me after Charlie Chaplin on a can of my moustache.
17:54Ah, that's, yeah.
17:55It's very good.
17:56It's not going to work.
17:57I mean, you have to play with that.
17:58It's, you know, babies don't have moustaches.
18:00Uh, I was an unusually hairy baby.
18:04Shaving at the age of three.
18:07All right.
18:08Very good.
18:09Okay, so.
18:10Sounds like my mum.
18:11Well, Charlie, me old mucker, can I interest you in a cup of tea?
18:14Ooh.
18:15Yeah.
18:16Well, a cup of roads you need to be lovely.
18:21I'm sorry, Dennis.
18:22Blame her.
18:23Sorry.
18:24If there's no troubles.
18:25Oh, no, no trouble at all.
18:27Um, my secretary's just put another pot on.
18:29Hillary, another cup of tea, please.
18:31Bill, could you play Hillary for now?
18:32I can't.
18:33I just...
18:34I...
18:35Bill, what a great idea.
18:36Um, what if Hillary was a touch light in the loafers?
18:40I think that would be hilarious.
18:41Yeah, well, we did actually imagine that Hillary was homosexual, Clive,
18:45but not so we could...
18:46Oh, no.
18:47Oh, no.
18:48Come on, Dennis.
18:49Not the dirty priest.
18:50Handed to me by Ted Sargent.
18:52I'm sure he has a drawer full of them.
18:54Jokes about effeminacy in men are banned.
18:57Ah.
18:58Right, right, right.
18:59But Hillary is not effeminate.
19:01That's the whole point.
19:02We are trying to present a homosexual character
19:05that is not some fucking ridiculous parody.
19:08Then radio is more cutting-edge than us.
19:10Round the Horn has got two blokes speaking Polari.
19:13What's Polari?
19:14You're the one that said that we should be pushing boundaries.
19:17We do need to be pushing boundaries,
19:19but I'm not convinced that throwing in a coded language
19:21for the few that know it is the best way to give voice
19:23to the community we're trying to represent.
19:25Sophie, what would Barbara think?
19:29About...
19:30About Jim's secretary liking men.
19:33About men having sex with other men.
19:36Crikey.
19:38I don't know if I know any men who...
19:41Well, there were rumours about our milkmen.
19:43But would it bother her?
19:45Erm...
19:46Well, the show's about modern love, isn't it?
19:49It'd be boring if we were all the same.
19:51Each to his own, I say.
19:53Isn't she remarkable?
19:55Hi.
19:56Hi.
19:57Sorry to butt in.
19:58Can I grab Clive for a fitting?
19:59There's a hilarious joke in there somewhere
20:00about butts and fitting.
20:01I, er...
20:02Thought I might take us all out to the opposition club tonight.
20:03Oh, cool.
20:04Only if you finish the script, of course.
20:05Oh, Dennis.
20:06Diane!
20:07What are you doing here?
20:08Working.
20:09Doing a piece for Nova magazine.
20:10Nova's over, baby.
20:11You are looking at the new on-air reporter for today with Andrew Osh.
20:15And the new on-air reporter for the show.
20:17I'm just joking.
20:18I'm just joking, though, so I'm worried about butts and fitting.
20:20I, er...
20:21Thought I might take us all out to the opposition club tonight.
20:22Oh, cool.
20:23Only if you finish the script, of course.
20:24Oh, Dennis.
20:26Diane!
20:27What are you doing here?
20:28Oh, working.
20:29Doing a piece for Nova magazine.
20:31Nova's over, baby.
20:33You are looking at the new on-air reporter for today with Andrew Osh.
20:37You didn't tell me you were up for that.
20:38I didn't want to jinx it.
20:39Wow.
20:40How do you even audition for a show like that?
20:41I had to present a piece to camera.
20:42Did you write it yourself?
20:43Of course.
20:44I'm a journalist.
20:45That's the job.
20:46Oh, my.
20:47Well, come on.
20:48Let's have a drink.
20:49I've got a bit of good news myself.
20:50What?
20:51I've been offered a role in the next Carry On.
20:54Hey!
20:55Great!
20:56What?
20:57Have you not seen the Carry On films?
20:58Oh, I've seen them and they're funny.
20:59The girls in them are always just a bit...
21:00What?
21:01Nubile nurse or frumpy old battle axe.
21:02They're never the funny doctor or wacky scientist.
21:03Oh.
21:04Right.
21:05Oh.
21:06Well, me and my dad like them because they're not just all posh people with fancy jobs
21:07talking like her off briefing.
21:08Oh.
21:09Oh.
21:10Oh.
21:11Oh.
21:12Oh.
21:13Oh.
21:14Oh.
21:15Oh.
21:16Oh.
21:17Oh.
21:18Oh.
21:19Oh.
21:20Oh.
21:21Oh.
21:22Oh.
21:23Oh.
21:24Oh.
21:25Oh.
21:26Oh.
21:27Oh.
21:28Oh.
21:29Oh.
21:30Oh.
21:31Oh.
21:32Oh.
21:33Oh.
21:34Oh.
21:36Oh.
21:37Oh.
21:38Oh.
21:39Oh.
21:40Oh, I know.
21:41Oh.
21:42Oh, Man.
21:43Oh.
21:44Oh.
21:45Oh.
21:46Oh.
21:47Oh.
21:49Oh.
21:50Oh.
21:51Oh, yeah.
21:52Oh, Chief.
21:53Oh, man.
21:54Oh, God.
21:55Oh, my.
21:56Oh, God.
21:57Oh, yeah.
21:58Oh, yeah, uh, New York.
22:01haven't uh living in sin yeah but what about if two people are living together but not doing it
22:06i mean it's not doing it wait how are you would ted sargent object to that then yes
22:11how would he even know if soap and clive were doing it he was probably hiding in a bush outside
22:15clive's place with a pair of binoculars and his trousers around his own can everyone shut
22:19off about my sleeping arrangements please so we're saying that ted sargent doesn't
22:23believe in sex before marriage more joring by the looks of it
22:31i think i've died and gone to comedy heaven is that actual peter cook up there that's actual
22:51cuddly dudley right there oh my god do you know them hey he gave some of this lot their first job
22:57dennis does that mean that you're part of the um what's it called the oxvan mafia
23:04the oxbridge mafia does that really exist yeah it does if you're not in it evening ladies
23:10denise always a pleasure pleasure's all mine frankie well it could be if you only give it a go dear oh
23:17anthony william i'm ignoring you i'm sorry we don't have time to work for you anymore frankie
23:22all right hope you will soon find another writer i hope you'll soon get another cock up your ass
23:28well that's unlikely with that hairdo dear he doesn't sharper dilly boys these days frankie
23:32ball what's that yeah just nothing you're just yeah i've got plants pour around take a picture
23:40someone no well uh i just didn't want to wait for you to look old enough to get served at the bar
23:44bill sorry who's the dolly e he's asking who's the pretty face oh um oh mr howard i'm such a big fan
23:53oh nice to meet you big fanny but i was talking about that one now he doesn't play cartsy the ducks he's
23:59with the boner pillow oh this is sophie straw they're the leads in our sitcom oh i don't watch
24:04other comedy dear unless i'm nicking material thief of bad gags me mr howard i've got a question
24:13what is it how did you learn to be funny oh you can't teach it dear it takes years of failure but
24:19if you've got it inside it it pops out like a carts and quons from a trade cafes in the cottage
24:27what does he mean go on dennis dear well um he he says that um here if it's in you the the comedy will
24:42pop out like a that's it gentleman's
24:45i'm going to try it on hey i thought it was supposed to be unlucky to see the bride in
25:00her dress silly that only applies to the groom
25:10why are we holding this blanket that's that's eleanor braun that's john fortune yes they're
25:14brilliant at uh improvising you are well they basically make it up as they go along
25:20what even the lads well that's the problem you can see that and we never write in a song
25:33after you did yes i know you've been after me for years
25:50morning
25:54you had a late one last night well i uh promised the team i'd take them out of the opposition club
25:59oh we all know you're a man of your word i completely forgot i had it in my diary for
26:08tonight you completely forgot or you had it in your diary for tonight both i think sorry
26:18vernon is beginning to think you don't exist well you can tell him i very much do exist
26:24well as it happens my profile on soldier nitsin was postponed great i mean that's uh that that that
26:33that's a shame for you uh was the whole show cancelled actually we brought forward a live
26:39interview with tony hancock well he was fascinating about comedy you might have enjoyed it
26:45the carry-on people have been on the phone and they're eager to confirm some dates so if you would
26:59just uh sign on the dotted line i don't know if i want to do the film brian
27:08see would you arrange for me to have a hearing test please you heard me the script's hilarious
27:18sophie straw what's got into you i just don't want everything to be about my knockers they don't make
27:24me do it on jim and barbara it'd be a step back and and last night dennis took us to a comedy club
27:30and i saw this girl in a double act making up her own lines elena something and then abroad she's a
27:36completely different thing she went to cambridge for god's sake all i know is that nobody was
27:40laughing at her bust maybe i could make up my own lines look here young lady you need to learn to walk
27:46before you can run before you met me you didn't have a shilling for a cab look this will not last
27:53forever my advice to you is to make the best of what you've got while you've got it because god knows
27:59there'll soon be another young girl coming up behind you better funnier prettier and bigger
28:05and she'll be only too happy to fill your kinky boots
28:17sophie straw come back here
28:21but she's gone completely mad
28:23hillary always takes care of me while my wife's away takes care of you does she
28:33yes my secretary is very very obliging
28:38obliging hillary where are we with that tea at which point hillary enters with the tea
28:44oh den how about when a twig it's a fella i give a little glance direct to camera
28:49i'm sorry sir if i'm afraid that breaks the fourth wall uh darling the fourth wall is an imaginary
28:55wall and if we look into the cameras then we break it and we establish that we're in a television show
28:59you see frankie howard does it and lucille bowl and that first time when i bumped into a camera i did
29:06it and it got a big laugh yes but is it the wrong sort of laugh is there a wrong sort of laugh yeah well
29:11it's a good question bill you might disagree with me but it might think we should give it a go
29:16i'll be the camera i'll be hillary from go back from the uh to the first bit of ladder business very
29:23good um cup of tea hillary where are you with that tea here you are i hope you like it strong
29:33hillary meet my wife it takes all sorts to create a modern world
29:41and you're good what do you think
29:50it's old
29:55edith i'm so sorry
30:08you suffering yes thanks
30:20my love may appear gosh and see why they call the show pipe smoke you haven't started smoking a
30:28meerschaum have you
30:34i don't suppose you fancy coming to see the show tomorrow night
30:38actually feel free to say yes and then not turn up that served me right
30:42um it's been a long day i'm going to run a bath
31:00it's a fun piece but i don't just want to do the fluffy stuff
31:29i did a piece on birth control for nova magazine oh okay but i'll i'll build up to that
31:46it's fine i'll use my own
31:47and now let's meet the newest edition tritee diane lewis welcome diane thank you andrew why don't you tell
32:03us what you've been up to well andrew i have been out and about on carnaby street looking at the
32:07latest gear for groovy chicks and guys these days it's quite hard to tell the difference well there's
32:12a whole new scene they're calling unisex fashion i'm intrigued let's have a look at diane in action
32:18you're just what this show needs people are going to love you
32:34this must be costing you a fortune lad just enjoy it while i've got it
32:39we did all right didn't we wobble you and me
32:50wait for me
32:52what you look lovely auntie ma thank you i wouldn't want clive to think we were provincial
33:04provincial
33:06perfection more like mr parker
33:12may i thank you
33:15it's right this way thank you very much
33:18i am safe in assuming that nobody here hates champagne
33:23he's much funnier in real life isn't he
33:25well try telling that to our writers
33:28i didn't think you'd do better than aiden but this one's a keeper
33:31you know it is actually rude to whisper girls unless you're saying something rather nice about me
33:36i think we will have prices on the menu thank you oh no uh please i've um i've taken care of it
33:48please it's all right all right but are you looking forward to seeing the show recorded
33:54well i'm more worried about how we're going to get back to the hotel afterwards oh oh we'll get
33:59production to organize a car from the after party now there's an after party oh barb didn't say it
34:05it might be late maury on the e day i stayed up dancing till 4 30 in the morning oh you are a
34:13tearaway maury famous people there get to see a beetle i'd rather have akabulk any day
34:22right well let's drink to that
34:35no no we have to sleep show day tomorrow i have to go home and change in about four hours so so so
34:51i've actually been thinking it is crazy that you have to rush backwards and forwards every time so
34:57so sophie straw would you do me the honor of moving in with me
35:08but but what about ted sergeant yes i don't think there's room for him to no what if he finds out
35:16i'll get in loads of trouble we're consenting adults it's different for girls
35:20sophie come on what could possibly go wrong with me those brown sheets i'd have to go
35:29feels like i'm sleeping in an oil slick wow i guess we do know who's in charge
35:35you you are you know that always gets me
35:51i missed you all how did you get in here can i have an autograph uh oh okay
35:57who shall i make it out to sydney
36:07she even looks a bit like you
36:10sydney best report with us on newspaper how does it feel to be the last to know
36:17if you want something to play with go and burn yourself a tub
36:27my time is too expensive
36:37and anyway you're not a little boy
36:40but if you
36:50maybe if you're serious
36:54don't play with my heart you make me furious
36:59but if you want me
37:01if you want me to love you
37:05hi tea
37:15you know don't you
37:26i thought we were friends polly
37:30we are i never would have done it if i thought you were exclusive
37:33what do you mean clive said it was no big deal
37:39that you were both into the whole permissive society thing
37:41we didn't mean to hurt you
37:55so um we've just got a couple of script
38:05changes
38:25hello oh hello are you guessing sophie straw yes
38:29oh would you like to come with me for the very important people come with me oh yeah i'll get
38:32you to the phone come along george
38:37norris at the top of the scene could you give me a deep two shot when barbara enters please
38:41then mate we've got a problem she won't answer us we could hear her all teary in the dressing room
38:47sounds like a wounded animal
38:48what wounded animal sounds like a
38:55fully grown woman crying her eyes out panda maybe maybe i don't know
39:04oh hello
39:06thank you thank you
39:11you have a choice you can stay in here and not do the show no i am not not doing the show
39:18i can't do the show dennis sophie you love being in front of an audience they love you look i know
39:23what you're trying to do dennis but there is no way i'm going to stand in front of that audience
39:27and act like i'm in love with clive richardson when right now all i want to do is wring his
39:32bastard neck you don't have to be in love with clive you have to be in love with jim
39:37when lucille ball found out that desi arnaz was playing away she fought back she became the first
39:50woman to run a major television studio oh yeah because i could do that with my wages success
39:56is the sweetest revenge
40:00point is you can fight back
40:03point is you can fight back by going out there and being funny
40:19and barbara isn't very happy about she's told jim that she's away at her mother's oh no but
40:42really wink wink she's come around to spy on jim who she thinks is having an affair with his secretary
40:51anybody here been a secretary oh yes madam what's your shorthand like
40:56not as big as my long hand
41:14now we're rolling in five four
41:22oh thanks for coming
41:28that's right son named after charlie chapman on account of my moustache
41:36how does that work exactly i was an unusually hairy baby
41:40saving since the age of three hello charlie the old mucker can i interest you in a cup of tea
41:46oh i could kill a cup of rosie lee if it's no trouble sir oh no trouble at all my secretary's just made a pot
41:52oh secretary is he uh hillary another cup of tea please hillary is he
42:00oh yes sir hillary always takes care of me while my wife's away my secretary is very obliging
42:07obliging i bet she's been obliging you all over the place at work in your office or here at home
42:16on your snazzy whipping chauffeur
42:21uh hillary where is that tea hmm shop 62 camera four
42:32here we are
42:34like it's strong
42:39um hillary meet my wife your wife would you eat to his own i say
42:46oh
42:57well hillary it takes all sorts to make a modern world
43:16oh
43:23good work studio great well done then
43:29congratulations darling i'm proud of you
43:30i'm proud of you
43:46well done everyone excellent show
43:55uh drinks in the club bar everyone
43:56she'll come and find us yeah
44:06what the hell was that what the hell was that can't you just keep it in your trousers what are you even
44:08talking about oh you know damn well what i'm on about you and paul
44:15can the sound department please turn off the microphones
44:17don't make it worse you like
44:19don't make it worse you lying arsehole i'm steve baltographs
44:21what is this part of the show
44:25i don't know but that that wasn't me
44:27i'd recognize that body part anywhere
44:29oh did we ever want to say you were actually exclusive
44:32go up it's the city's everyone's screwing around
44:35what i'm not
44:37not the person i'm screwing is you
44:39you even asked me to move in with you
44:41yeah yeah and yeah and i meant it
44:43then why are you such a
44:44such a what go on such a what what go on say it
44:48don't do it please don't go up such a lying cheating
45:04magic moments when two hearts are killed
45:34memories memories memories we've been sharing
45:40i'll never forget the moment we kissed the night of the hayride
45:44the way that we hug to try to keep warm while taking a sleigh ride
45:49magic moments memories we've been sharing
45:58magic moments when two hearts are killed
46:08time can't erase the memory of these magic moments
46:22pisO Gastel
46:24moments
46:28not
46:30味
46:32at
46:33our
46:33films
46:34movie
46:35not
46:36at
46:36smartphones
46:38as
46:39?
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