- 2 days ago
Handsome Hank | Viva TV
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00:00I don't give a **** about what you have to do for a living.
00:03Quit!
00:04Don't ever be mad at me when I performatively crack the whip on you.
00:09Don't ever.
00:10If Mr. Terry dropped?
00:12Yeah.
00:12We'd be bigger than PMT.
00:14Okay, no idea, though.
00:15Somebody took before your lunch.
00:17That's the details.
00:18I walked up to you earlier and I said somebody took my lunch.
00:20You said you're Chick-fil-A?
00:21I hope when you're an ****.
00:24Oh, gosh.
00:25You're not even an exclamation point.
00:31That's **** up.
00:32Oh, there we go.
00:35It's your birthday, Mook.
00:37Um, thanks.
00:38Is that better?
00:39Yeah.
00:40Yeah, he's gonna love that.
00:44Why is everyone accusing me of everything?
00:48I don't have your lunch.
00:51Who has his lunch?
00:52It's not me.
00:53Why am I getting accused?
00:56The camera's around, so someone knows something about me.
01:00Somebody took my lunch off that table.
01:02The time you said it was ordered?
01:04Uh...
01:05I could get a general perspective of that area.
01:08I mean, if Chick-fil-A was ordered and delivered, we could see who picked up a Chick-fil-A there.
01:14Do you think it's someone's bucket of here, or do you think it was a steak?
01:18What are you...
01:19That's a good question.
01:20Uh, I got the call for food delivery at 1134.
01:23So I'm gonna say between 11 and 30...
01:25See, why are you in here?
01:26See, that right there.
01:27We have an investigation going on.
01:28It was not me, but I'm glad to help you solve the case.
01:30What happened?
01:31Somebody took my lunch.
01:33Details.
01:34Somebody took my food at lunch.
01:35That's the details.
01:36How am I supposed to solve **** if that's all I have to work with?
01:39Danny, I walked up to you earlier, and I said somebody stole my lunch.
01:41You said your Chick-fil-A?
01:42Oh, pfft.
01:43Everyone knows that.
01:44It wasn't about to be a salad.
01:47No.
01:48Do you have to?
01:49I feel like we're becoming best friends.
02:04Oh, yeah.
02:05Frankly, I've seen them now, huh?
02:07Hello?
02:08What's up, East?
02:09What's up, East?
02:10What's up, East?
02:11Jacob?
02:12You're dead?
02:13Of course.
02:14Jacob.
02:15Jacob and Jacob are hot in here.
02:16I just wanted to be a bi-time person.
02:18Um.
02:20All right.
02:21Look at that face.
02:22That **** face.
02:23Look at his face.
02:25Look at his face.
02:26Come here.
02:27Look at his face.
02:28Come here.
02:29Look at his face.
02:30Look at his face.
02:31We have...
02:32We have here look at his face. We have our own handshake and I was trying to be the third to complete it and you're out here not
02:37Trusting me. Yeah, sorry
02:39But also look at his face. What's wrong with my look at your face. Look at your face
02:46Somebody took my fucking lunch
02:48Oh
02:50Took my lunch
02:52No, I had a sandwich
02:55No, I got a different one today. I got a sandwich
02:59I have a salad
03:02Oh
03:12Right
03:14Hey
03:16Here
03:18Oh, you did
03:20I'm here we're here here
03:24Here
03:26On your line where was that on the side door? What side door any detectives four and oh?
03:32You had a check man. Thank you. All you had to do was talk to the security guard. You're not gonna
03:36You're not gonna frame me right? I have it all. Okay, good. You brought me my lunch. Enjoy your lunch. Thank you
03:42Left hand. No, let's do this way. Switch arms, please
03:44Thank you
03:46Thank you. Thank you. So just give me uh, what do you got in there? I deserve at least one of your sides, right?
03:51Just a little sandwich and some mac and cheese
03:53Okay, we got yak in uh eight minutes, so I'd hurry up for you
03:57Thank you
03:58Thank you, Danny. Yeah, just Venmo me
04:01I paid for it
04:02You're Venmo me for my detective work
04:05What are you doing here, Rick?
04:06I wonder where we'd be right now
04:10If Mr. Jerry dropped? Yeah
04:12We'd be bigger than PMT
04:16Well, where would we be like
04:18Mid football season being like fuck we're still doing it. We got to do another episode of Mr. Jerry and we're getting 10,000 views
04:24I don't think so. I think right now realistically, I think we'd be at like probably 200k view mark
04:31I don't know
04:32I do
04:33I dream about it sometimes
04:37Hey friends, it's me, Mr. Jerry. It's so nice to meet you guys
04:42I'm not dying
04:44Mr. Jerry loves the rain
04:48That looks like a puppy
04:49And puppies make me tell
04:52Damn it, I gotta fucking go to the board
04:55Let's head over to my window to see what's happening outside and you do the same
05:07I don't have good thoughts when I think about it
05:09I'm like what is it?
05:10Bad thoughts?
05:11No, more just like
05:12Did I get wrapped up in the hype and was it actually bad?
05:16I don't know
05:18The thing is, they're all bad
05:19Besides Mr. Rachel, they're all bad
05:21Yeah
05:22Do you know the one kid, Ryan?
05:25Ryan's toys are rude?
05:26Yes
05:27That kid is like 16 years old now
05:30His parents are still forcing him to do these videos
05:33It's crazy
05:34Like it's past his time
05:37But me, I'm 30
05:38I'm still
05:38I was trying to do that
05:39That makes no sense, right?
05:40Yeah
05:41I guess not
05:41Big companies are just like buying the channels like underground and they're all getting bags
05:48There's no way to sell Mr. Jerry, right?
05:50You'd have to keep delivering for them
05:56No, nobody wants an eight episode discontinued series
06:01New idea though
06:03Not the nail polish
06:04No, it's called
06:05No, it's called
06:05I got a guy
06:06Me and Bosco
06:10I'm pretty much
06:11I'm pretty much
06:12Like say
06:13Randomly, okay
06:16A random stoolie's throwing their mom a 50th surprise party
06:21This person's charging them
06:22This person's charging them $10,000
06:24We could do it for $7,000
06:25But we have to organize the whole party together
06:27Shit like that
06:29Little shit
06:29You know?
06:31Oh, this is
06:32Billy Football did this
06:34That's what I told Rico
06:35Billy's list
06:36This is what I told Rico last night
06:38I was like
06:38Hey, I think this idea has already been done
06:42He's like
06:42No, it hasn't
06:42I said bro
06:43When we posted the reservation clip
06:46People were commenting
06:46Rico, why are you trying to steal Billy Football's idea?
06:50What was Billy's list?
06:50What was that?
06:51He was basically like
06:52I'm gonna get just a bunch of dudes who are experts at one thing
06:57Have them in like a discord or whatever
07:00So they can like
07:02If you need
07:02If you got a question about like electrical stuff
07:07There's a guy who's an electrician in there
07:08That'll just help you out for free
07:10Oh, okay, gotcha
07:11Did any episodes ever come out?
07:12I like to watch it
07:13It wasn't
07:14It was more like a
07:15Twitter thing?
07:16Like a giant group chat
07:17Oh, okay
07:18Yeah, gotcha
07:19Yeah, no, no
07:19It wasn't
07:20He didn't like
07:21He talked about it
07:22But he never really like made a thing out of it
07:24I like the idea
07:25I do too
07:27But the thing is you can't really
07:30Like okay
07:30Put it to you this way
07:32Does that just not turn into like TaskRabbit though?
07:36Yeah, because it's like
07:37Okay, let's say a lady on a neighbor's app is like
07:40Hey, I want my
07:41All my weeds pulled in the yard
07:44This guy's charging me 250 bucks
07:46Me and Rico will be like
07:48Hey, we can get this done for a hundred
07:49We pay a guy to do it for 50 bucks and we split the 50 bucks
07:53Shit like that
07:56Yeah, that's just like
07:57That's what happened
07:58Yeah
08:00Yeah
08:01But like
08:02But it could be deeper than that with like
08:04Events
08:06Party plans
08:06You know, shit like that
08:10Let's see
08:10You remember the real estate show I said you should do?
08:13I think you should do that
08:14What was that?
08:15Where you just you get your real estate license
08:17So you're and then you just do videos where you tour insane like mansions
08:25Because people just watch those
08:26Yeah, they do
08:26Touring a 20 million dollar home
08:28And then the off chance
08:30But don't you need the client to do that though?
08:33No
08:34I think I think a lot of times you need like a reputation of like
08:37Yeah
08:37I have clients
08:40But off chance every once in a while somebody uses you to buy one of those houses
08:46Three percent of 20 mil
08:48How hard is it to get your real estate license?
08:50You do it in six months
08:52Not that bad
08:54Is it like online class?
08:55Yeah
08:56That'll be hard for me
08:58I don't know how to fucking work it
09:00What is it tests and shit?
09:01There's tests about it?
09:02Yeah
09:04I think it's like classes
09:05Then you probably have to pass
09:07These motherfuckers are making money real estate agents bro
09:09Yeah
09:11I like that
09:13Go to go to like a different country and do some videos
09:18Cartagena, Colombia
09:20Be good
09:22Be good
09:23I think there's a day when we can drop
09:26Like time will pass
09:29Yeah
09:29There'll be a time when we can drop these
09:31I'll tell you what he was
09:32I can't believe we made so many episodes before we pulled it out
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09:51While raising money for an incredible cause
09:53Each week during the 13 week season
09:55One player
09:56Maybe it's a great play
09:57Great tackle
09:58Whatever
09:58You know what they're going to get nominated for?
10:00Crunch time hero of the week
10:02Now this is where you get involved
10:04These big boys
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10:11Okay guys
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10:17It's incredible
10:18And then the weekly winner with the most shares
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10:31Go check them out on Instagram
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10:43Let's go
10:44Go
10:49For a bullseye
10:50No
10:51Yo white boy
10:54White boy
10:56Are you using this?
10:57Watch the line
10:58Nobody's safe
10:59Yeah
11:01Oh
11:05That might be the move
11:08Elbows
11:09Elbows
11:10This fucking guy
11:12Elbows
11:14What the hell?
11:14Come on
11:15Why are you cheesing me?
11:16He didn't even chees
11:17I knew he was cheesing me
11:18Yeah you can't even
11:19I felt it the whole time
11:20You knew right away
11:21At the time
11:24He's not going to chees me for real ever again
11:26He might
11:27He thinks
11:27That's why I had to go for it
11:29Yeah
11:29Because you said that
11:30I'm trying to prove otherwise
11:31Yeah
11:31But you have to actually chees me
11:32And have me like
11:34Walk away
11:34Sit down
11:35And be like
11:35Oh my god
11:37Nine of those
11:39Oh
11:40Oh
11:44That was sick
11:49All right
11:49One more trick round
11:50That was
11:51That was
11:51Fucking close
11:54How many shots
11:54Do they have to like
11:55Do they just get to keep going
11:57It's
11:57It's however long
11:57They want to do it for
11:58Oh
11:58They'll get it
11:59It's all on them
12:00I bet you I'd get it
12:01In 20 minutes
12:08Fun challenge
12:09Shit
12:19It's fun
12:20I want to keep doing it
12:21Let me try something
12:22All right
12:22You try some
12:23I'll try some
12:29You think that's better
12:30I don't know
12:30I just like
12:31It's interesting to me
12:32The baseball pitch
12:35Okay
12:35I think this loader
12:36Is the way to go
12:39Everything's right
12:40But he's
12:40Like his spread
12:41Is pretty close
12:42Oh
12:43You did it
12:46I fucking banged it
12:48I fucking banged it
12:50Dude
12:51All you did
12:51Was step to the left
12:53Is that it?
12:54It's not the bullseye
12:55Bullseye
12:56You missed
12:57Oh
12:57Yeah
12:58It was pretty lit
13:00That was sick
13:03That was sick
13:03That was sick
13:05That was so funny
13:06That all
13:07Literally all he did
13:08Was take a little step
13:08To the left
13:09Well everything
13:10Was going the same
13:11The same distance
13:14Oh
13:14Maybe it is better than that
13:16Yeah
13:16That might be the move
13:18Yeah
13:22Weird right
13:22Nah
13:23You can't
13:23You're
13:24You're
13:24You're
13:24Just a prank
13:27That was bad
13:31It is fun though
13:31It's so fun
13:32Yeah
13:32This is
13:33It's a great job
13:36All right
13:37It's all by arch
13:38Why are you throwing it all
13:38You're nasty
13:43Dude
13:44Ew
13:45Stop
13:46The shoulder's bad
13:47I can't do
13:48If you're left then
13:49It's the flick of the foot
13:51For me
13:52Yes
13:52It's the lower end
13:53Ew
13:55Ew
13:56Oh my god
14:01It's hard
14:02Yeah
14:02I think they're going to get in the first hour
14:04Yeah
14:05First hour
14:05I mean Max almost got it
14:07That was awesome
14:12What's he saying?
14:13I don't know
14:16Oh my god
14:17I'm locked right now
14:37Wait until I go five now again
14:38Fourteen and one
14:40I'm gonna have every woman in the world
14:43Wet
14:44Looking to get on their knees
14:45Which tastes like popcorn and cotton candy
14:52That's why I'm one of the best fucks in the world
14:54Even at 64
14:55If I fucked your girl
14:56She would know she's been missing
14:58She wouldn't be a girl than what
14:59She'd be my fucking girl
15:00But I only fuck one girl
15:02So you don't have to work
15:03I gained seven pounds
15:05How?
15:06What do you mean?
15:09This one
15:10I can't even breathe right now
15:12I can't fucking breathe
15:13That ain't seven fucking pounds
15:15How'd you do that?
15:16I don't know
15:17I started eating
15:18I started smoking pot again
15:19Oh really?
15:20Yes
15:21I needed intervention
15:22I might need a Jerry Mike
15:24How long have you been smoking pot now?
15:25Have you been a Jerry Berger?
15:26Since you're Robbie Berger came to my fucking house
15:28That scumbag and said
15:29Stu
15:30I gotta smoke a joint with you
15:31We're coming over
15:32Him and Joey fucking donuts
15:34Yeah
15:34And fucking Coke Perez
15:36And all these fucking wackas
15:38Berger
15:39It's your fucking fault you scumbag
15:42You gotta get off
15:42Peer pressure Berger
15:43You've ruined my life
15:44I hope you
15:49Oh god
15:50That's not good
15:52Can't say that
15:53Here we go
15:54That was sweet
15:55It ended very sweet
15:56Very sweet
15:57It started with fucking
15:58You didn't see what we said
15:59It started with fucking people's
16:01I'm ready to come
16:02Girls on behalf of revenge
16:03But since I
16:04Since I tore Dave a new butt last week
16:07And he's extremely sensitive
16:09Takes himself too seriously
16:11You got a half a billion
16:12People who have a half a billion
16:14Don't get upset about anything
16:15Nothing Dave
16:16I think
16:17I don't give a fuck about
16:18What you have to do for a living
16:20Quit
16:21All right
16:21Sell the company already
16:23Sell it
16:23All right
16:24You got a fucking
16:2450 million dollar house in Nantucket
16:27Okay
16:27You got apartments all over New York City
16:29Okay
16:30Not true
16:30You got a Miami pad
16:32Okay
16:32No one gives a fuck about your schedule
16:36Okay
16:37Don't be a bitch
16:38Don't be a cunt
16:40Don't wah wah wah wah
16:41No one cares about your adrenal problem
16:44You should be retired
16:45But you're such a fucking egomaniac
16:48You need the spotlight
16:49You need everyone on your penis
16:52No one gives a fuck
16:53When you come to my show
16:55Show up or you're never on this show again
17:00Dave
17:00Fucking pornois
17:02Suck my cock
17:04I'm the guy you call
17:06When you can't call your lawyers and shit
17:08To get something done
17:10Someone killed
17:11Someone's face bashed in with a fucking bat
17:13Someone's girl fucked when it's just for punishment
17:18I'm the guy that'll do the big
17:20I'm the guy that people that go to jail for you
17:22Okay
17:23Don't ever be mad at me when I performatively
17:26Crack the whip on you
17:28Don't ever this is your show
17:30You own the fucking place
17:32You fucking own me
17:34That's the way it is
17:35I don't get a Christmas bonus
17:37I don't get a salary
17:38I don't get a fucking penny from you
17:40All I ask is you love me
17:43And I fucking love you
17:45I got your back Fabio
17:46I would die for you
17:47Just remember that
17:48I'm your number one fan
17:50I'm the guy that'll shoot someone in the face for you
17:52I'm that guy
17:53Not all these other fucking pussies that say they are
17:56I'm the guy
17:57I got people in jail right now
17:59That will fucking follow me
18:01And murder for you
18:039 and 1 by the way
18:04Opening the show
18:049 and 1
18:055 and 0 first week
18:064 and 0 second week
18:07Back to back Barstool specials
18:099 and 3 best bet run
18:103 and 0 on Saturday
18:126 and 2 Sunday
18:13Hit the Sunday night game
18:14All I do is win
18:16How do I do it?
18:17I've been doing it my whole life
18:19How long you been winning for?
18:20I mean on and off since 1980
18:24In the 80's I was way ahead of the odds makers
18:27Murdered them
18:2890's they caught up like in 93
18:30It's been a battle ever since
18:32Interesting
18:32But I beat their teeth in from 80 to 92
18:34Really?
18:35You beat the fuck out of me?
18:36Pull on the doors
18:37That's crazy to think about being ahead of the game like that
18:4210 times harder than winning gambling
18:44Is to be married for 47 years and raise four sons
18:46That's still living in your house
18:47Four sons?
18:48I'm going to do it week one but I just did one
18:51There's a quake
18:54You just do it for no reason though
18:55And then you break every mug
18:57Okay so we can skip again
18:59It's got to be a justified quake
19:02Okay
19:03I was going to break nine mugs for my nine winning winners so far on the show
19:08Nine and one record
19:09I didn't have nine mugs
19:12We have one two three
19:14Four five six
19:16Seven eight nine
19:18But we don't need to do it
19:19Why don't we just start off with the nine mugs?
19:21But we don't need to do it
19:22Like we don't have to
19:23Let's just start off
19:24We can do it next week
19:24Put the nine mugs to start the show right here
19:27Yeah but you know then they're going to be smashed
19:28And like that's like
19:29Yeah
19:30If you give a
19:30If you give a
19:31A mouse a cookie
19:34What happens?
19:36Then the mouse wants another cookie
19:40All right you can break nine mugs
19:42Yes
19:42Why though?
19:44Are you sure?
19:45Are you just made a decision?
19:46Thank you
19:47I want it to be your decision
19:49I'm under your desk
19:50What?
19:50Put him underneath
19:51Under the desk
19:53And then
19:54And then I just jump out going
19:56Ninety one
19:57Ninety one
19:57Ninety one
19:58Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang
20:00Like smash him like that
20:01How is it good?
20:04He's a fat slob
20:05He's 40 pounds over
20:06He's 43
20:07He's a coke head and a drug addict
20:08What do you want him to fucking be?
20:10You know
20:11You think I could go out and run a six hour marathon right now?
20:14Right this second?
20:16With no training?
20:18With no training?
20:19It's like 15 minute mile
20:21What does that mean?
20:23At mile 19
20:24You're going to see God saying
20:26Fuck you
20:27And then I want to see you break through
20:28And run another hour and a half brother
20:30No
20:3015 minute miles barely running
20:34Do it for you
20:35You cannot do it 20
20:36You cannot run a marathon right now
20:37No
20:39You asked me a question
20:39You're a great athlete
20:40You're in shape
20:41I'm running a slightly jogged
20:43No
20:44No
20:45I think I could break six
20:48I think if I trained I could break four
20:52If you
20:53How old are you?
20:5432
20:55Yes
20:55If you trained
20:56If you trained
20:57You would be about between four and four and a half hours
20:59Yes
21:00So is Vince going to break six hours?
21:03I think he could
21:04I think he could
21:05Is he going?
21:06Oh
21:06I know anyone could
21:08I think he ought to go
21:09I genuinely know what is this one
21:11He said he was going to be
21:12He was able to run 22 miles yesterday
21:15After he ran
21:16But he was very much dead when he was
21:20Oh
21:20We are just cutest
21:22Cutest of
21:23I think it's a good chance he dies
21:26He was running at a
21:27I think it's a good chance that he literally
21:30It's 50-50
21:31Mince dies
21:33Right on the course
21:34Like slips
21:35Cracks his head
21:36Blood everywhere
21:37Chickens come out
21:39Mince is one of the smartest people you've ever met in your life
21:42As far as vocabulary
21:44As far as knowing the world
21:45As far as knowing the country
21:47As far as knowing the states
21:49As far as knowing teams
21:51He's brilliant
21:52Almost autistic brilliant
21:54He is fat
21:55And he is old
21:56And he has a lot of wear and tear on his body
21:58I'm saying right now
21:59Five hours 59 minutes
22:02And might die
22:04And might die
22:05And if he dies
22:06I'm going to miss you Ben
22:08Hey what are the chances we move Pickham to 1030 D?
22:12For what?
22:13For who?
22:15Just out of respect
22:16For respect for who?
22:18You know just the uh
22:19We can move Pickham to 1030
22:22We'll do this at 930
22:23Yeah
22:24Perfect
22:27All right 10 o'clock is good
22:28I'm kidding
22:29Isn't the construction done soon?
22:31No you lied about that
22:32No I didn't
22:33You lied
22:34It's in December
22:34You've been lying since I moved here
22:36What are you
22:37Well I didn't tell you
22:40Fact for fiction
22:43What uh
22:43I thought it was done in December
22:45It's never done Dan
22:46Are you sure?
22:47Positive
22:48I'm pretty sure it's done in December dude
22:49You should probably double check that
22:51Done completely done
22:52Yup
22:52Bullshit
22:54You've got fucking people sitting on the side of the roads
22:56Construction workers doing nothing
22:58That's close
22:59Yeah they're called Jerry's
23:01You used to do that
23:03Well this looks nice huh
23:04New one
23:05Just formal
23:06Where's the package?
23:06I didn't see the package
23:08He sent me four that bargain
23:10And then you said
23:11Oh cause you lost so much weight
23:13Yeah now I gained 7,000
23:14I can't breathe
23:16And you look fabulous by the way
23:17So do you
23:18Thank you
23:19Well that's always
23:19What?
23:21I mean
23:2234 years past my prime
23:24You should have seen me in my 30s
23:28You would go
23:28That's how hot I was
23:31That's a fact
23:33Men went gay
23:34Women went wet
23:36But not for long
23:38Cause I dried them up
23:39That makes sense
23:39I did after you
23:42Fucked for an hour
23:43Come
23:44They I needed lube
23:45They were dry
23:46I never used lube before
23:47At once
23:48Well you never fuck for an hour
23:49You fuck for 10 minutes
23:50What are we talking about here
23:51You made me finger fucked in my ass
23:53Come on
23:53Who are we talking about
23:54Yeah who are we talking about
23:55Yeah please
23:56Don't embarrass me
23:56This is where the men are talking
23:57I did porn
23:58All right
23:59Don't embarrass yourself
24:00You weren't doing porn
24:01We'll keep your heart
24:02Keep your dick on for an hour
24:03Ready
24:04Here we go
24:06Ready
24:07All right
24:08Three
24:08Two
24:08One
24:09Barstool sports advisor
24:14Bye
24:14Bye
24:15Bye
24:16Bye
24:16Bye
24:16Bye
24:17Bye
24:17Bye
24:17Bye
24:17Bye
24:18...
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24:22
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