00:00How many bedrooms do you like?
00:01Hmm, do you like in the bathroom?
00:03Look at the closet.
00:04Let me show you the closet.
00:05Come on, let's go to the closet.
00:06Do you want to buy a house from Marcelo Hernandez,
00:09formerly on SNL?
00:13Hello, I am Marcelo Hernandez,
00:15and I'm telling you the stories
00:17about why I got to hear where I am.
00:21Let's do it.
00:22Let's get into that.
00:23What was the first job you ever quit?
00:25I don't think I've ever...
00:26I did quit.
00:27Ooh, ooh, yeah.
00:30When I first came to New York,
00:32I got a job selling electricity.
00:35The way they taught you to sell it,
00:37they would tell you, they go,
00:38ask them for their energy bill.
00:41They have to show you the bill.
00:42I'm 19 years old,
00:44and I'm asking business owners to show me the bill.
00:46They don't want to show me the bill.
00:48They don't know who I am.
00:49And then apparently, when they give you the bill,
00:51you were going to get their...
00:52whatever they were paying for it,
00:53and you were going to draw a bunch of numbers around it,
00:55and then show them like a lower number.
00:57And be like,
00:58you can buy the energy from us.
01:00I walked around New York and Brooklyn
01:02and went to businesses
01:03and walked in there and said,
01:05show me your energy bill.
01:07And they were like, you're a child.
01:09And I go, I know,
01:09but you got to show me the bill.
01:12You got to see what I can do.
01:13When you give me the bill,
01:14I can do a lot of numbers and stuff.
01:16With the bill, you're going to like it.
01:18You're a promise.
01:18And they never gave it to me, the bill.
01:20And then after you don't sell anything,
01:22you go back to the office the next day,
01:24and the boss, he's like,
01:25if you're ready to get the bill, make some noise.
01:28And we'd be like,
01:29it was like Wolf of Wall Street,
01:32but for electricity.
01:33But no one was making any money.
01:35And was it legal?
01:36It had to be.
01:37But I did quit that,
01:38because the guy said he wouldn't pay me for a year.
01:40Of all the jobs you did prior to comedy,
01:45what was the worst?
01:46Ah, I used to sell medications to old people.
01:49Not the medications.
01:50I used to sell delivery.
01:51I would deliver it.
01:52I could get that medication to you, Susan,
01:56tomorrow.
01:57I can get it there.
01:58And my medication, it needs to be temperature.
02:01I got a temperature control package for you, Susan.
02:05There was this one woman named Jamila,
02:07and Jamila would sell like crazy.
02:09Jamila was making $100,000 a year
02:11selling home delivery medications.
02:13She's a savage.
02:14And I would listen to her calls,
02:15because I wanted my calls to sound like her.
02:17And I thought that she was on the phone like,
02:18hey, it's me, Jamila.
02:20Do you want us,
02:21do you want me to deliver?
02:22But at all, she was a robot.
02:23She had like figured it out
02:24in a way that it wasn't scary to them,
02:27because they felt like it was a standard call,
02:28the old people.
02:29But when I would be like,
02:30hey, Mr. Johnson, how are you doing today?
02:32They're like, are you trying to steal from me?
02:35You know?
02:36So the personality didn't help
02:38when I tried to use it for the medications.
02:42Okay.
02:43What's the most humbling thing
02:44you've ever done for stage time?
02:45In college, I interned for a comedy club,
02:47and I had to like run food.
02:48I had to take chicken tenders to people.
02:51I also had to clean vomit there.
02:52One guy, he threw up,
02:53and I was cleaning the vomit,
02:54and he looked at me like I was the problem.
02:56I'm like, you're vomiting.
02:58You did the vomit.
02:59You can't do the vomit,
03:01and then look at the cleaning guy of the vomit,
03:04and be like, what are you doing here?
03:06I go, what do you think I'm doing here?
03:07You did vomit.
03:08I did that for stage time.
03:10I also used to,
03:12in Ohio when I was in college,
03:13I used to go to this local taco shop called Barrio.
03:17It's Barrio.
03:18It's a neighborhood in Spanish,
03:19but everybody said Barrio.
03:21Are you going to go to Barrio tonight?
03:23Have some tacos at Barrio.
03:24So I would go to Barrio,
03:25and they would do a show there on Monday nights at 10 p.m.,
03:28which is a horrible time to do a show,
03:30but in Ohio, there's not a lot to do,
03:31so there was a lot of people in there.
03:32I used to set up the speakers,
03:34like plug them in and put them on top of the stands
03:36and set it up all the time.
03:37What else did I do for stage time?
03:39Oh, baby.
03:40I actively posted on Facebook.
03:43That's a humbling thing to do for stage time,
03:45is to be active on Facebook.
03:47Yeah, I did that.
03:48Where is the strangest place you've ever performed stand-up?
03:52I did a lot of horrible places.
03:53I did it at coffee shops in Ohio.
03:55People are working.
03:57People are working.
03:59And I'm like, when I was little,
04:01it's like, oh, I used to perform at a place called Bounce.
04:06It was a drag show place.
04:08We would do comedy after the drag show.
04:10There'd be a drag show full of people,
04:14and then they all leave,
04:16and then I go up and do stand-up.
04:19I did like one of those Chipotle-type places,
04:21you know, where you order chicken and stuff,
04:23and you do it in like a line,
04:24and you have to do it verbally,
04:26and I'm over here doing stand-up,
04:27while people are like,
04:29can I get more, though?
04:30Yeah, I can get more chicken, though.
04:32And I'm like,
04:33what was your backup plan if comedy didn't work out?
04:40I still have a backup plan.
04:42I think I would go into real estate in Miami, you know.
04:44I think I've done enough.
04:45I've done enough so far
04:46that if this all comes crashing down,
04:49I can go like this.
04:50I can go,
04:51do you want to buy a house
04:52from Marcelo Hernandez,
04:54formerly on SNL?
04:58How many bedrooms do you like?
04:59Do you want,
05:00how many do you want in the bedrooms, huh?
05:02Hmm, do you like in the bathroom?
05:05Huh?
05:05Do you like the space in the bathroom?
05:08Look at the closet.
05:09Let me show you the closet.
05:10Come on, let's go to the closet.
05:11Come on, look at that.
05:13Jackets, shoes,
05:14you can put everything in here.
05:15And this place is actually very well-priced.
05:17A lot of people don't realize
05:18to get this backyard
05:19and this bathroom
05:20and this closet,
05:21it's very expensive.
05:22But me,
05:23when you do it with me,
05:24it's less.
05:27Good work.
05:29Since becoming famous,
05:30what's been your most expensive habit?
05:32I give my sister and my mom nice stuff.
05:34Stuff that I could never buy them
05:35when I was cleaning vomit.
05:37What part of your SNL audition
05:39do you think landed the job?
05:41None of it.
05:42I swear to God.
05:43They don't laugh at you in the audition
05:44because they've seen everybody.
05:46They've seen Will Ferrell
05:47and Adam Sandler
05:48and all these people
05:48and they didn't laugh at them.
05:49So imagine you're up there
05:50and you're burying your soul
05:51and they're just quiet.
05:52Thank you for having me.
05:53I'm excited to be here.
05:56Okay.
05:57And then sometimes
05:58you get out of your audition.
05:59Oh, I don't know, sometimes.
06:00I've only done it once.
06:01But you go,
06:02how did it go for you
06:02to someone else?
06:03And they didn't laugh for me.
06:06But I go,
06:06did they laugh for you?
06:07And they go, yeah.
06:11Okay.
06:13I hope that's okay.
06:15Answer in one sentence.
06:16How did you get here?
06:17Cleaning vomit.
06:19Thank you, Esquire,
06:21for your help
06:22in letting people know
06:23the questions that are from you
06:25for us,
06:26for you,
06:27and also you're welcome.
06:29And please,
06:30because you never know.
06:31And sometimes you're going to read it
06:32and you're going to be like,
06:33what?
06:34But you just keep going, right?
06:35Because that book's not over yet.
06:37There's more pages.
06:38And is the dog going to bark?
06:39Who knows?
06:40It's a dog.
06:41Sometimes they do,
06:42sometimes they don't.
06:42Depends on their mood.
06:43Did he eat today?
06:44Does he have to poop?
06:45You'll never know.
06:46It's a dog.
06:47Grab life by the horns
06:48and let everyone know
06:50who you are
06:50for what did I get here?
06:52What do I have here?
06:54Who do we have here?
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