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00:00How to overcome emotional dependency and loneliness?
00:07First of all, there are not several types of dependencies.
00:15These types are very superficial.
00:19We might say, I have material dependency, I have financial dependency,
00:24I have physical dependency, I have emotional dependency,
00:27I have spiritual dependency, dependency is dependency.
00:33Who is dependent?
00:36All dependency comes from the fundamental sense of incompleteness of the I.
00:52We are born feeling that something is not quite right about us.
01:01Even the newborn baby carries that deep belief.
01:12Obviously, not consciously.
01:17And it is that sense of imperfection or incompleteness that drives us through life.
01:37That's what makes most people do whatever they do in their lifetimes.
01:43So, we acquire knowledge, we acquire social certification.
01:49We get into several kinds of relationships.
01:52We procreate, we amass wealth.
01:55We do this, do that, build a house, build a mausoleum for ourselves.
02:05We do all these things.
02:07Fundamentally, why do we do any or all of these things?
02:14Because we are not convinced that we are all right.
02:25The I tendency is a raging dissatisfaction against itself.
02:35I am greatly dissatisfied with whom?
02:38With my own being, with my own existence.
02:42I am not okay, I am not okay.
02:45Why am I not okay?
02:46Don't ask me that.
02:47I am born like that.
02:48Has something occurred to you to make you feel that you are not all right?
02:57No.
02:58I have occurred to myself and that's what makes me feel that I am not all right.
03:06Not that some event has happened to me.
03:10The event that has happened is me.
03:13Me meaning my birth.
03:16Not that something has happened to me and is making me feel bad about myself.
03:22No.
03:23The event of my existence itself makes me feel bad about myself.
03:35I am born feeling bad about myself.
03:37I am born feeling hungry and dissatisfied.
03:41When I was born I cried.
03:44Nah.
03:45That's the human condition.
03:50Why am I here?
03:55That's the first thing that occurs to the kid.
04:00The newborn infant.
04:01Why am I here?
04:03What did I do to deserve this?
04:11What did the newborn ask mummy?
04:15Now who did this?
04:16And now you know what we spend our entire life, the rest of our life, for?
04:34We spend it trying to overcome the botched up work that we are.
04:50It's like this, I mean, I am the output of something quite shoddy.
04:55It needs to be amended, corrected, rectified.
04:58And our entire lifetimes are just a desperate attempt at rectification.
05:07I am born incorrect, I have to take care of myself.
05:11And there is ample proof to show that we are born incorrect.
05:15Obviously we are.
05:19Don't teach the child language and the child would have an underdeveloped mind.
05:28The human child requires almost two decades of education.
05:40Look at the amount of effort that goes into the rectification.
05:46Even before you can really step out into the world, you require two decades of training.
05:52So obviously you are not born all right, right?
05:58Some part of it is biological.
06:10And the other part is social.
06:12Your hands extend only this much.
06:25Your eyes can see only this much.
06:31Your memory is limited to this much.
06:35Your intellect is only this sharp and no more.
06:47So all this is biological incompleteness or imperfection.
06:53And then there is the social sense of imperfection that is imposed upon you.
07:06You have a particular color or ethnicity or nationality.
07:19So you are probably not all right or a little bit all right.
07:24But nothing about your nationality or color or gender or ethnicity can make you fully all right.
07:33Even if you belong to the most developed countries, there would be somebody prepared to point at something obnoxious about your country.
07:52So you take that in.
07:58Okay.
07:59I am not all right for this reason.
08:01I am not all right for that reason.
08:04I am getting it?
08:08And that is what leads to both of these things that Nikita, you are mentioning in your question.
08:15Loneliness and dependency.
08:17Loneliness fundamentally means add something to me.
08:31Make something sit next to me.
08:36Affix something to me.
08:41Glue me to something.
08:42Superimpose something on me.
08:54Magnify me.
09:01Are you getting it?
09:02Without that addition, without that amplification, I am not okay, I am not good enough.
09:20It is not as if it is something that specifically happens to you when you are 26.
09:26You are born with this feeling.
09:38Again, go back to the infant.
09:42Does not see her mother for two hours and starts wailing.
09:47Is that not loneliness?
09:53And it is not something sexual as you might be misled into believing being a 26 year old.
10:04It is just that even if you are just 26 days old, you still require the warmth of a human body next to you.
10:17Otherwise, you know, you start...
10:20That is what is born.
10:27Loneliness and dependency.
10:28And it will continue.
10:30May you live till 1.26.
10:35You will find that loneliness still haunts you.
10:40The same kind of loneliness that you experienced when you were 26 days old.
10:49Are you getting it?
10:50So, the disease is deeper than we think.
11:00We feel, oh, it is about a young person probably looking for a friend or a mate.
11:09No, no, no.
11:11It is an existential problem.
11:16We are lonely because we exist.
11:18We are dependent.
11:24Why?
11:26Because we exist.
11:32How to challenge this problem then?
11:36Then you have to exist in a different way altogether.
11:40Right now, what exists is the body-identified and socially-identified ego.
11:53That is what is born.
11:56Thankfully, thankfully,
12:00an alternative exists.
12:08The option to live not as the ego,
12:13but as something beyond the ego exists.
12:17And if that option does not exist,
12:20then life is absurd.
12:21Then, as the absurdists would say,
12:30or rather question,
12:32I mean,
12:32why live at all?
12:35Is life worth it?
12:37And surely, life is not worth living
12:39if there is no possibility of freedom from the ego.
12:50Right?
12:53If there is no possibility of freedom from the ego,
12:55then
12:56every passing day
13:01is just another 24-hour experience
13:06in servility
13:08and anxiety.
13:13No?
13:15And slavery
13:16and depression.
13:21Right?
13:24And not only are you
13:25experiencing
13:30that
13:33frustration today,
13:39you know very well
13:41that this frustration
13:42is your fate
13:43for all days
13:45to come.
13:51Then, as
13:52many have
13:53said
13:55and done,
13:58suicide
13:58appears
13:59the best option.
14:03If life
14:04offers
14:05no
14:06possibility
14:07of
14:08liberation
14:08from
14:09the pain
14:12called
14:13ego
14:13then
14:14why live at all?
14:17But as we said
14:18thankfully
14:19that possibility
14:20is very much there.
14:24Only when you
14:25exercise
14:26that possibility
14:27is
14:28freedom
14:29from
14:30dependency
14:32and loneliness
14:32possible.
14:35And that's
14:36a deeper exercise.
14:39The
14:39shallow way
14:40is to
14:41fight
14:41loneliness
14:42through
14:44distraction.
14:47And if you
14:48distract yourself
14:51in a thousand ways
14:52then you can
14:54keep loneliness
14:55at bay
14:55at least
14:56for
14:56a certain
14:59time.
15:04You could
15:04go to a
15:06beer bar
15:07and spend
15:09a few
15:09hours
15:09with your
15:10friends
15:11and you
15:12are no
15:12more lonely.
15:13Are you lonely
15:13in that
15:14duration?
15:15You are not.
15:20Or you
15:20could watch
15:21the
15:22highlights
15:24of the
15:25last
15:25World Cup
15:30soccer
15:31pretending
15:34that you
15:35do not
15:35know
15:35the
15:35score
15:36line.
15:38Oh my
15:38God
15:38who is
15:39going to
15:39win?
15:46Or you
15:47could do
15:47a thousand
15:47other
15:48cute
15:50and stupid
15:51things
15:52to keep
15:53you
15:54busy.
15:55that is
15:59a shallow
15:59way of
16:00negotiating
16:04with
16:04loneliness,
16:07dependency,
16:08etc.
16:08And I am
16:09talking of
16:09them in the
16:09same breath.
16:10They are
16:10much the
16:10same thing.
16:15The real
16:15way is
16:16to know
16:17that as
16:19long as
16:20we
16:20continue
16:21to feed
16:23our
16:25false
16:26sense
16:27of
16:27self,
16:29we are
16:30condemning
16:32ourselves
16:32to more
16:33and more
16:33loneliness,
16:34more and
16:35more
16:35dependency
16:35and we
16:37are
16:37necessitating
16:38therefore
16:39more and
16:40more
16:41of
16:43anti-depressant
16:47material.
16:50An
16:51anti-depressant
16:52is not
16:52merely a
16:53pill.
16:53anti-depressant
16:55is much
16:58more like
16:58a visit
17:02to the
17:02shopping
17:03mall
17:03or waiting
17:09for the
17:09Friday
17:10release.
17:12That is
17:12an
17:13anti-depressant.
17:16Clinically
17:17only a
17:19small
17:19proportion
17:19of people
17:20are
17:20depressed.
17:21existentially
17:23we are
17:24all born
17:25depressed.
17:33So there
17:34are some
17:34who have
17:35been
17:35diagnosed
17:40with
17:40depression
17:41and there
17:43and there
17:43are some
17:44who are
17:45asymptomatically
17:48depressed.
17:49But depressed
17:50we all are
17:51without doubt.
17:53Except for
17:54the liberated
17:54ones,
17:55we all are
17:56depressed.
17:56in some
18:00cases
18:00depression
18:01has
18:02shown up
18:03erupted
18:05in full
18:05ferocity.
18:08In other
18:09cases
18:09depression
18:10is lying
18:10latent,
18:11hidden,
18:12waiting for
18:13the right
18:14time
18:15to raise
18:16its fangs.
18:16so
18:25Nikita
18:26I would
18:29invite you
18:29to come
18:30to
18:31Vedanta.
18:36I will
18:37invite you
18:37to
18:38go to
18:41all
18:42the
18:42fundamental
18:44spiritual
18:47scriptures.
19:05Come to
19:06Kapil
19:06Rishi,
19:07come to
19:08Kanad
19:08Rishi,
19:10come to
19:11Krishan
19:12and you
19:16were born
19:17in a
19:17Jain
19:17family,
19:20come to
19:20Kundakund,
19:26come to
19:27Mahavir,
19:28to
19:28Parishanath,
19:31they all
19:33are there
19:33for you.
19:37They were
19:38people with
19:38a lot of
19:39love.
19:41and they
19:43have ensured
19:43that their
19:46bodily
19:47absence
19:49does not
19:53enfeeble
19:54their mission.
19:57They have
19:58left behind
19:59rich
20:05and
20:07voluminous
20:08scriptures
20:10and
20:11accounts,
20:13questions
20:15and
20:18teachings.
20:25And there
20:26is a
20:27higher
20:27pleasure
20:28in being
20:29with them.
20:29once you
20:36develop the
20:38taste of
20:39being
20:39with a
20:41Krishan
20:42or a
20:43Mahavir,
20:45you will
20:46forget
20:47all this
20:54loneliness
20:55and dependency
20:56business
20:56business
20:56because
21:00loneliness
21:00cries for
21:02a person
21:06just like
21:07you
21:07or an
21:10activity
21:11in your
21:13own
21:14dimension.
21:15That's what
21:15loneliness
21:16and dependency
21:17cry for.
21:18Right?
21:18when you
21:22have the
21:22company
21:23of
21:28these
21:30geniuses
21:31then
21:35you feel
21:38fulfilled.
21:39then in
21:42fact
21:43not only
21:44are you
21:45not
21:46lonely
21:46or
21:46dependent
21:47actually
21:48a lot
21:49of
21:49filth
21:50from
21:50your
21:50life
21:51is
21:51expunged.
21:54Forget
21:55about
21:56you
21:57saying
21:57who
21:59else
21:59can
21:59be
22:00added
22:00to
22:00my
22:00life?
22:03The
22:03question
22:04changes.
22:04The
22:04question
22:05says
22:05now
22:06who
22:06all
22:07are
22:09unnecessarily
22:10still
22:11present
22:11in
22:11my
22:11life?
22:16From
22:17an
22:18instinct
22:19towards
22:20addition
22:21you
22:23find
22:23that
22:26you
22:26are
22:27now
22:28more
22:28concerned
22:29towards
22:31liberation
22:33negation
22:34purification
22:36you
22:37don't
22:38want
22:38to
22:38bring
22:39in
22:39more
22:39people
22:39into
22:40your
22:40life
22:40now
22:41you
22:41rather
22:42want
22:42to
22:43purify
22:43yourself
22:44of
22:46the
22:46people
22:47or
22:47things
22:48or
22:49concepts
22:50that
22:51are
22:51already
22:52in
22:53your
22:53life
22:53you
22:53are
22:53not
22:53adding
22:54now
22:54you
22:55are
22:55actually
22:55subtracting
22:56you
22:59are
22:59subtracting
23:00actually
23:01because
23:02now
23:02your
23:03space
23:03has
23:04been
23:04occupied
23:05by
23:06somebody
23:07quite
23:08large
23:10immense
23:11that
23:15somebody
23:16is not
23:16a person
23:16that
23:18somebody
23:18is just
23:18just
23:19somebody
23:19but
23:22he is
23:23quite
23:23voluminous
23:24expansive
23:25immense
23:26and to
23:29make
23:29space
23:30for
23:30him
23:31he is
23:32not a
23:32male
23:34but I have
23:36to use
23:37some words
23:37so I am
23:37using
23:38but to
23:39make space
23:40for him
23:40you have
23:44to
23:44evict
23:47all the
23:49nonsense
23:50all the
23:52clutter
23:52that is
23:55sitting
23:56upon your
23:57precious
23:58mind
23:59space
23:59so you
24:00just
24:01tell all
24:03of them
24:04to
24:04leave
24:05leave
24:06leave
24:06there is
24:07somebody
24:07else
24:08I want
24:08to be
24:08with
24:09this is
24:14the opposite
24:14of
24:15loneliness
24:15in
24:16loneliness
24:16you are
24:17looking at
24:17the
24:18world
24:18with
24:19desperate
24:20eyes
24:20somebody
24:21please
24:21give me
24:21company
24:22somebody
24:22please
24:23please
24:23please
24:24in the
24:26state
24:27I am
24:27talking
24:28of
24:28you are
24:29looking at
24:29yourself
24:29and asking
24:30how the
24:31hell
24:31I have
24:31allowed
24:32these
24:33two
24:33rats
24:34to still
24:35be present
24:35in my
24:35room
24:36my
24:38room
24:38is
24:39almost
24:40completely
24:42empty
24:43of all
24:44kinds of
24:44pests
24:45now
24:45there used
24:47to be a
24:47pest
24:47called
24:48that
24:48dude
24:48there used
24:51to be
24:51a pest
24:52called
24:53my
24:54BFF
24:54distant cousin
25:01and they
25:03were
25:03all of
25:04these
25:05occupying
25:05my room
25:06and my
25:06mental
25:06space
25:07and I have
25:11shooed all of
25:11them away
25:12rather most of
25:13them away
25:13but these
25:14two little
25:14rats
25:15they are
25:16still
25:16jumping
25:17around
25:17attracting
25:19my
25:19attention
25:19one is
25:21my
25:21ex
25:22who
25:25keeps
25:26stalking me
25:26on
25:26Instagram
25:27some
25:27days
25:27the
25:31other
25:32is
25:32this
25:32new
25:32contender
25:33who
25:38keeps
25:38sending
25:38me
25:38this
25:39occasional
25:39feeler
25:40hey
25:42which
25:42brand
25:44of
25:44coffee
25:44do you
25:44like
25:45what
25:46you doing
25:47cookery
25:47course
25:47or something
25:48so
25:52these
25:52two
25:53rats
25:53are
25:54still
25:54left
25:55to be
25:55pushed
25:57out
25:57so
25:58you
25:58see
25:58the
25:58whole
25:59thing
25:59has
25:59drastically
26:00changed
26:00from
26:01being
26:02a
26:02beggar
26:02in
26:03front
26:03of
26:03the
26:03world
26:04now
26:06you
26:06are
26:06asking
26:06the
26:06world
26:07to
26:07keep
26:08away
26:09isn't
26:12that
26:12a
26:12position
26:12of
26:12power
26:13immense
26:13power
26:14not
26:16that
26:16you
26:16have
26:16become
26:17a
26:17world
26:17hater
26:17or
26:18something
26:18it's
26:19just
26:19that
26:19now
26:20you
26:20have
26:20learned
26:20discretion
26:21now
26:22you
26:22know
26:23who
26:24should
26:24be
26:25allowed
26:25in
26:27the
26:27sanctity
26:28of
26:28your
26:28room
26:29your
26:30room
26:31is a
26:31sacred
26:31space
26:32is it
26:32not
26:32do
26:34you
26:34allow
26:34all
26:35kinds
26:35of
26:35rats
26:35and
26:36lizards
26:36and
26:36cockroaches
26:37to
26:37populate
26:39it
26:39do
26:40you
26:40by
26:44the
26:44way
26:44I
26:45have
26:45nothing
26:45against
26:45lizards
26:46I
26:46have
26:4626
26:46of
26:47them
26:47in
26:47my
26:47room
26:47but
26:50here
26:52when I
26:52say
26:52lizard
26:52and
26:53cockroach
26:53then
26:55you
26:55know
26:55what
26:56I
26:56mean
26:56right
26:56bring
27:04the
27:04big
27:05ones
27:05in
27:05without
27:07them
27:07life
27:07is
27:08anyway
27:08not
27:08worth
27:08living
27:09without
27:10them
27:10life
27:10is
27:10anywhere
27:11not
27:12worth
27:12living
27:13or
27:15or
27:16not
27:16aside
27:17or
27:18or
27:18or
27:18is
27:20in
27:20a
27:20little
27:22or
27:22have
27:22been
27:23in
27:23a
27:23world
27:23and
27:24and
27:24have
27:25been
27:26in
27:26a
27:27long
27:27and
27:28and
27:28have
27:28been
27:29a
27:29and
27:29have
27:30been
27:30about
27:31something
27:31and
27:31have
27:31been
27:32about
27:32the
27:33who
27:33in
27:33how
27:34is
27:35the
27:36was
27:36in
27:38a
27:38way
27:38to
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