00:00I'm the doctor, by the way. What's your name?
00:10Rose.
00:11Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life.
00:19It's coming for us.
00:21The assembled orders of Genghis Khan couldn't get through that door, and believe me, they've tried.
00:25Are you alien?
00:26Yes.
00:30You could come with me.
00:32Is it always this danger?
00:34Yeah.
00:41Right then, Rose-timer, you tell me, where do you want to go? Backwards or forwards in time?
00:46It's your choice. What's it gonna be?
00:49I'm sorry.
00:50Forwards.
00:55How far?
00:57100 years.
01:00There you go. Step outside those doors. It's the 22nd century.
01:12You're kidding.
01:13That's a bit boring now. Do you want to go further?
01:15Fine by me.
01:1610,000 years in the future. Step outside, it's the year 12,005, the new Roman Empire.
01:31You think you're so impressive?
01:33I am so impressive.
01:34You wish.
01:35You wish.
01:36Right then. You ask for it. I know exactly where to go.
01:43Hold on.
01:44Let's go.
01:45I do have a plan.
02:00Where are we?
02:02What's up there?
02:32You lot. You spend all your time thinking about dying. Like you're gonna get killed by eggs, or beef, or global warming, or asteroids.
02:47But you never take time to imagine the impossible. And maybe you survive.
02:53This is the year 5.5 slash Apple slash 26. Five billion years in your future. And this is the day. Hold on.
03:11This is the day the sun expanse. Welcome to the end of the world.
03:23Welcome to the end of the world.
03:35This is the day the sun expanse.
03:41Oh, my God.
04:11Guests are reminded that Platform 1 forbids the use of weapons, teleportation, and religion.
04:20Earth Death is scheduled for 1539, followed by drinks in the Manchester Suite.
04:27So when it says guests, does that mean people?
04:30Depends what you mean by people.
04:32I mean people. What do you mean?
04:33Aliens.
04:35What are they doing on board this spaceship? What's it all for?
04:38Well, it's not really a spaceship. More like an observation deck.
04:42The great and the good are gathering to watch the planet burn.
04:45What for?
04:45Fun.
04:50Mind you, when I say the great and the good, what I mean is the ridge.
04:54But hold on. They did this once on News Round Extra. The sun expanding. That takes hundreds of years.
05:01Millions. But the planet's now the property of the National Trust. They've been keeping it preserved.
05:05See down there? Gravity satellites holding back the sun.
05:08The planet looks the same as ever. I thought the continent shifted and things.
05:13They did. And the Trust shifted and back. That's a classic Earth.
05:17But now the money's run out, nature takes over.
05:21How long's it got?
05:23About half an hour. And the planet gets roasted.
05:26Is that why we're here?
05:27I mean, is that what you do? Jump in at the last minute and save the Earth?
05:32I'm not saving it. Time's up.
05:35But what about the people?
05:37It's empty. They've all gone. No one left.
05:43Just me, then.
05:44Who the hell are you?
05:46Oh, that's nice, thanks.
05:48But how did you get in?
05:49This is a maximum hospitality zone.
05:52The guests have disembarked. They're on their way any second night.
05:55No, that's me. I'm a guest. Look, I've got an invitation.
05:57Look, there, you see? It's fine. You see?
05:59The Doctor plus one.
06:00I'm the Doctor. This is Rose Tyler. She's my plus one.
06:03Is that all right?
06:04Well, obviously.
06:08Apologies, etc.
06:09If you're on board, we'd better start.
06:13Enjoy.
06:16The paper's slightly psychic.
06:18Shows them whatever I want them to see.
06:20Saves a lot of time.
06:21He's blue.
06:22Yeah.
06:24Okay.
06:25We have in attendance the Doctor and Rose Tyler.
06:29All staff to their position.
06:33Hurry now.
06:35Quick as we can.
06:36Come along.
06:36Come along.
06:38And now, might I introduce the next honored guest
06:41representing the forest of Cheam.
06:43We have trees, namely Jame, Newt, and Copper.
06:49There will be an exchange of gifts representing peace.
06:53If you can keep the room circulating.
06:56Next, from the solicitors Jolko and Jolko, we have the Mox of Balgu.
07:02And next, from Financial Family 7, we have the adherents of the repeated meme.
07:09The inventors of hypostive travel systems.
07:12The brothers Pop Piley and Carol Spark.
07:16Mr. and Mrs. Packer.
07:18The ambassadors from the city stage of Binding Light.
07:21The gift of peace.
07:24I bring you a cutting of my grandfather.
07:30Yes, gifts.
07:32I give you in return.
07:34Air from my last.
07:39How intimate.
07:42There's more where that came from.
07:44I bet there is.
07:45My friends from the silver devastation, sponsor of the main event.
07:50Please welcome the face of gold.
07:57The Mox of Balgu.
07:59My felicitations upon this historical happenstance.
08:03I bring you the gift of bodily salivas.
08:06Thank you very much.
08:09Ah, the adherents of the repeated meme.
08:13I bring you air from my lungs.
08:15And you've done peace in all good things.
08:22And last but not least, our very special guest.
08:25Ladies and gentlemen and trees and multiforms.
08:30Consider the earth below.
08:32In memory of this dying world.
08:35And we call forth the last human.
08:39The lady, Cassandra O'Brien got delta 17.
08:45Oh, now, don't stare.
08:47I know, I know it's shocking, isn't it?
08:49I've had my chin completely taken away.
08:53And look at the difference.
08:54Look how thin I am.
08:57Thin and fainty.
08:59I don't look a day over 2,000.
09:03Moisturize me.
09:04Moisturize me.
09:06Truly, I am the last human.
09:10My father was a Texan.
09:12My mother was from the Arctic Desert.
09:14They were born on the earth, and they were the last to be buried in its soil.
09:22I have come to honor them, and say goodbye.
09:30Oh, no tears.
09:31No tears.
09:33I'm sorry.
09:36But behold, I bring gifts from earth itself.
09:43The last remaining ostrich egg.
09:45Legend says it had a wingspan of 50 feet, and blew fire from its nostrils.
09:53Or was that my third husband?
09:55Oh, no.
09:56Oh, don't laugh.
09:57I'll get laughter lines.
10:03And here, another rarity.
10:09According to the archives, this was called an iPod.
10:12It stores classical music from humanity's greatest composers.
10:18Play on.
10:29Refreshments will now be served.
10:32Earth death in 30 minutes.
10:34Sometimes I feel I've got to
10:38Run away, I've got to
10:42But if not peace, be all good faith.
11:11Carrier, you're very kind, but I'm just the steward.
11:14A gift of peace in all good things.
11:18Oh, yes. Thank you. Of course.
11:22Identify species.
11:25Please identify species.
11:28Now stop it. Identify his race.
11:31Where's he from?
11:36Is it possible?
11:41Is it possible?
12:08Sorry, am I allowed to be in here?
12:11You have to give us permission to talk.
12:17Um...
12:18You have permission?
12:24And, er...
12:25No, you're not in the way.
12:27Guests are allowed anywhere.
12:28OK.
12:29What's your name?
12:36Ruffalo.
12:37Ruffalo?
12:39Yes, miss.
12:40I won't be long.
12:42Just got to carry out some maintenance.
12:46There's a tiny little glitch in the face of Beau's suite.
12:48There must be something blocking the system.
12:51He's not getting any hot water.
12:52So, you're a plumber?
12:56That's right, miss.
12:58You still have plumbers?
13:00Oh.
13:01I hope so.
13:02Else I'm out of a job.
13:04Where are you from?
13:06Crispallion.
13:09That's a planet, isn't it?
13:10No.
13:11Crispallion's part of the Jagat Bracade.
13:15Affiliated to the Scarlet Junction.
13:16Convex 56.
13:18And where are you from, miss?
13:19If you don't mind me asking.
13:21No, not at all.
13:24I don't know.
13:26It's a long way away.
13:28I just sort of hitched a lift with this man.
13:34Didn't even think about it.
13:37Don't even know who he is.
13:41He's a complete stranger.
13:45Anyway, um, don't let me keep you.
13:47Good luck with it.
13:49Thank you, miss.
13:50And, uh...
13:51Thank you for the permission.
13:54Not many people are that considerate.
13:56Hey.
13:57See you later.
14:06Yeah, I'm in.
14:08Control, I'm at Junction 19.
14:10I think the problem's coming from in here.
14:12I'll go inside and have a look.
14:15Sir?
14:16Is there something in there?
14:19Oh.
14:20So are you there?
14:21Hold on, I...
14:22If you're an upgrade, I just need to register you.
14:26That's all.
14:27I'll come back.
14:30Oh.
14:31There you are.
14:33Now, I...
14:33I just need to register your IDENT.
14:37Oh.
14:37There's two of you.
14:39Got yourself a little late.
14:43I think I'm going to report this to Control.
14:46How many of you are there?
14:47What for you?
14:52Oh, no!
14:53No!
14:54No!
14:54No!
14:54No!
15:07What's that?
15:09Well, how should I know?
15:10Would the owner of the blue box in Private Gallery 15 please report to the steward's office immediately?
15:22Guests are reminded that the use of teleportation devices is strictly committed under Peace Treaty 5.4 slash cup slash 16.
15:32Earth Death in 25 minutes.
15:36Earth Death in 25 minutes.
15:39Oh, thanks.
15:47Hello.
15:49My name's Rose.
15:51That's a sort of plant.
15:54We might be related.
15:58Talking to a twig.
15:59Oh, now.
16:12Careful with that.
16:12Party properly.
16:13No scratches.
16:14No scratches.
16:14Oh, you're in there.
16:39What do you think, then?
16:47Great.
16:48Yes.
16:48Fine.
16:50Once you get past the slightly psychic paper.
16:55They're just so alien.
16:57The aliens are so alien.
17:04You look at them, and they're alien.
17:07Good thing I didn't take you to the deep south.
17:09Where are you from?
17:14All over the place.
17:16They all speak English.
17:18No, you just hear English.
17:19It's a gift of the TARDIS.
17:21The telepathic feel gets inside your brain.
17:23Translates.
17:24It's inside my brain?
17:25Well, in a good way.
17:27Your machine gets inside my head.
17:30It gets inside, and it changes my mind, and you didn't even ask.
17:34I didn't think about it like that.
17:35No, you were too busy thinking up cheap shots about the deep south.
17:40Who are you, then, Doctor?
17:42What are you called?
17:43What sort of alien are you?
17:45I'm just a doctor.
17:46From what planet?
17:47Well, it's not as if you know where it is.
17:49Where are you from?
17:50What does it matter?
17:51Tell me who you are.
17:52This is who I am.
17:53Right here, right now.
17:54All right?
17:55All that counts is here and now, and this is me.
17:58Yeah, and I'm here, too, because you brought me here.
18:00So just tell me.
18:10Earth death in 20 minutes.
18:15Earth death in 20 minutes.
18:26All right.
18:28As my mate Shireen says, don't argue with the designated driver.
18:37Can't exactly call for a taxi.
18:40There's no signal.
18:43We're out of range.
18:44Just a bit.
18:47Tell you what.
18:49A little bit of jiggery-pokery.
18:51Is that a technical term, jiggery-pokery?
18:53Yeah, I came first in jiggery-pokery.
18:55What about you?
18:56No, I failed to tell a balloon.
18:57Oh.
19:01Here you go.
19:02Hello?
19:16Mum?
19:16Mum?
19:17Oh, what is it?
19:18What's wrong?
19:19What have I done now?
19:20Oh, these red tops fall into bits.
19:22You should get your money back.
19:24Go on.
19:25It must be something.
19:26Monday, you never phone in the middle of the day.
19:29What's so funny?
19:30Nothing.
19:31You all right, though?
19:32Yeah, why wouldn't I be?
19:34What day is it?
19:36Wednesday.
19:37All day.
19:38You've got a hangover?
19:38Oh, I tell you what.
19:40Put quid in that lottery syndicate.
19:42I'll pay you back later.
19:43Yeah, um...
19:45I was just calling because...
19:47I might be late home.
19:49Is there something wrong?
19:50No, I'm fine.
19:52Top of the world.
19:59I think that's amazing.
