- 3 months ago
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00:30Pervert.
00:48What?
00:50Just doing a little river dance on your boobs.
00:53More like the ice capades.
00:54No, no, no, no, I stink.
01:01Um, yes, I want, I want that.
01:04No, you stink.
01:13Let's get ready for school.
01:15One, two, three, four, five.
01:17Let's get ready for school.
01:19One, two, three, four, five.
01:21Sylvia!
01:22Yes!
01:23I made a roast.
01:25Put it in the refrigerator.
01:27Yes.
01:27And then 3.50 at 4 o'clock.
01:29Let's see.
01:29I think that would have a work.
01:30Come on, put that away.
01:32Hey, hey, hey, let's go.
01:33Let's go.
01:34Let's go.
01:35Let's go.
01:37Hello?
01:37When?
01:38Is that your dad?
01:40Did your dad just go to work without saying goodbye?
01:42Your dad just went to work.
01:44Where are my keys?
01:45Yes.
01:45So, I have a new idea.
01:54Okay.
01:55A really big, juicy one.
01:56Remember that kid's book, Are You My Mother?
01:58Oh, yeah, that motherfucking bird.
02:00The one that's like, oh, the tractor, you're my mom.
02:02Yeah, the one's hurting.
02:03Okay, one new parody of that, sort of Urban Outfitters checkout line buck, you know, those little...
02:10Yeah, yeah, bestseller, I get it.
02:11Yeah, big money.
02:12That's like called, Are You My Soulmate?
02:19Oh, jeez.
02:24Ah, sort of cautionary tale about sledding around and, you know, just being me.
02:31I'm on board.
02:32Good, right?
02:33Yeah.
02:33Top seller.
02:34This is weird.
02:35My dad literally never calls me.
02:37All right.
02:38Hi, Dad.
02:39Get your foot off.
02:40Wait, Dad.
02:40I'm touching it.
02:42Dad, stop it.
02:43There's a land that I've seen.
02:46Where the children are lost.
02:49Hands up, hands up, hands up.
02:53Oh, it's Grandpa.
02:55Hey, Dad.
02:56What's up?
02:57I got the kids in the car.
02:58Oh, this is super tweetable.
03:00Girls in the band getting crafty.
03:02Perfect.
03:02Can you lift it up a little bit?
03:04No.
03:05Are you kidding?
03:05No, I'm serious.
03:06Like this?
03:07Like this?
03:08No.
03:09So that, because I want to continue with my knitting.
03:11Is this sativa or indica?
03:13Sativa.
03:13Tell Barry.
03:14Are you serious?
03:15That, uh, we need to re-record my vocals on Party Fowl.
03:18Sativa gives me an anxiety attack.
03:20Okay.
03:20Hi.
03:20Put someone to your phone.
03:21Someone has keys?
03:22Should I hide the weed?
03:23Yeah, that's my sister.
03:24She's got keys.
03:25And yes, hide the pot or she'll smoke it all.
03:27Hey, whoa.
03:29Hello.
03:30Hi.
03:31There's two of you.
03:33Hi.
03:33I'm Allie.
03:34It's Yumi.
03:47What?
03:49Whoa.
03:51Hi.
03:52Sarah.
03:52What are you doing?
03:53I mean, why are you?
03:54I thought your kid was older.
03:55Oh, that's Bianca, with my first wife.
03:59She's 17 now.
04:01Yeah, and Quinn and I, we split.
04:02Oh, I'm sorry.
04:03No, no.
04:04I'm married to Barb now, so I'm giving it a, giving it another go around, a second go around.
04:08Yeah.
04:09We have a, we got a five-year-old Gracie, who, she just got booted out of the Oaks.
04:15Yeah, no, she bit a kid.
04:16He was a total a-hole and completely deserved it, but, you know.
04:19What about you?
04:20What you got?
04:22Ella is five and Zachy is six.
04:25And I'm married to a guy.
04:28His name's Len.
04:30Yeah, yeah.
04:30He's great.
04:31Okay.
04:31Hey, I saw that profile on you about your interior, um, decorator.
04:36Yeah, designer.
04:37Actually, yeah.
04:38Sorry, designer.
04:38But that's okay.
04:39That photo was amazing.
04:40It's good.
04:41It pays the alimony, the child support.
04:43We should get together.
04:44Maybe a play date.
04:45Great.
04:46With the kids.
04:47Yeah.
04:47Put a muzzle on, on Gracie.
04:52You look really great, kid.
04:55Oh, my God.
05:00Please don't tell me you fucked them both at the same time.
05:02No.
05:02I'm actually not, because one of them is 17, so I'm not fucking her.
05:06The other one is an actual delightful human person, so I'm not fucking her either.
05:10I'm actually making very sweet love to her.
05:13You know, just sort of like connective, spiritual, creamy, double-churned.
05:17Don't talk like that.
05:18Which one are you doing that creepy thing to?
05:19The one on the left with the hair.
05:22Their band's actually good.
05:23You would like them.
05:24Oh, really?
05:25Yeah.
05:25What do they call them?
05:27Glitterish.
05:28Glitterish?
05:28Yes.
05:29Sounds like clitoris.
05:31No, it doesn't.
05:32This is the one where one woman stands in the back very seriously playing the triangle.
05:36Yeah, that's true.
05:37But it's actually really important to the sound.
05:39It is.
05:40Very important to the sound.
05:41Oh, my God.
05:42Dude.
05:42What do you have against the triangle?
05:44Feed these children you have over at your house.
05:46There's nothing in here.
05:46You should get some, you know, what they like, juice boxes and string cheese.
05:50Treats for the kids.
05:51Are you done?
05:52Have you talked to Daddy?
05:53Yes.
05:55And?
05:56You think he has cancer?
05:58Kinda.
05:59Well, if he's really sick, then you should start gifting his 12th hour here now.
06:04Why?
06:05Tax purposes.
06:06You know, it's just...
06:07Anyways, don't worry about it.
06:08Oh, what is this?
06:22Shotgun, my lady.
06:23Oh, my God.
06:24I just got a bone in my tummy.
06:27This one is pretty sure Dad has cancer.
06:29What?
06:30No.
06:31Seriously?
06:31Seriously.
06:32I thought maybe we were here to hear about his engagement to Marcy.
06:35Dad's not getting engaged.
06:36He's too much of a pussyhound.
06:38Ew.
06:39Really, he's a Marcy hound.
06:40Haven't, like, the last six been named Marcy?
06:42Yeah.
06:42Two.
06:43Goldberg.
06:43Two Marcy's.
06:44Goldberg and Kaplan.
06:45Marcy Fitzelfiner-Heinstein.
06:49Rubenstein.
06:51Or what was that one?
06:54Rabishnowitz-Shinster?
06:55Rabarcy-Kristallnockets.
06:57Belsenberger.
07:01Seriously.
07:02He really needs cancer?
07:04Does Shotgun Willys do the coleslaw with the peanuts, by the way?
07:06Yes, it is.
07:07Who puts my peanuts and coleslaw?
07:09My beautiful, beautiful darlings.
07:13Hi, Dad.
07:14Hi, gorgeous.
07:15Hi.
07:16You skinny.
07:17Oh.
07:17Jesus.
07:19Tammy motherfucking Cashman?
07:21God, does Len know the kids are at the same school?
07:23Why would Len care?
07:25Um, maybe because you guys spent your entire college years of leasing it up together?
07:29Please.
07:29Who doesn't experiment in college?
07:31Are you kidding?
07:32That's not experimenting.
07:32You guys were talking about adopting a kid together.
07:34That did not happen.
07:35Oh, my God.
07:36I distinctly remember you calling and saying you were going to have two Mexican boys.
07:39Salvadoran.
07:40Wait.
07:40Here.
07:41Ali.
07:41Get over here, you little hooker.
07:43You always do such a good job of getting your food, honey.
07:46Oh, thanks.
07:47You can put it on my tombstone.
07:48She always knew how much to order.
07:50How many are we?
07:51Is, um, is Marcy coming?
07:53Oh, no, no, no.
07:55Marcy and I broke up.
07:57I'm fine.
07:58I'm better, actually.
07:59Okay, here it is.
08:01Here it is.
08:02Oh, my God.
08:03Look at that face.
08:05Oh, God.
08:05Look at that.
08:07They would never let me sign a guy like this right now.
08:10Look at that schnoz.
08:11You could not get that nose on TV today in a million years.
08:15I loved him so much.
08:17You married him.
08:19I did when I was four years old.
08:20We had a ceremony.
08:22I'll never be happy again.
08:25Would you help me place this call?
08:29Oh, see the number on the matchbook is old and faded.
08:36Ugh.
08:42Wonderful job.
08:43These are really amazing.
08:45Allie, you didn't have one of these.
08:46Are you kidding?
08:47What?
08:47Sarah, I'm gluten-free.
08:48You having problems with gluten?
08:50Yeah, she is.
08:50She's having a lot of problems with gluten, also with restless legs.
08:54It's restless leg syndrome.
08:55Also, Epstein-Barr.
08:56Mercury poisoning.
08:57Chronic fatigue.
08:58Lyme disease.
08:59She has Lyme disease.
09:00No, seriously, it was documented.
09:00Four people in Los Angeles have ever had Lyme disease.
09:03Excuse me, there was a bullseye on my armpit.
09:04And Allie is one of them.
09:05Sad.
09:05But it was temporary.
09:07Oh, my God.
09:07Leave him alone.
09:08He's mid-meal, okay?
09:09This is the golden rule.
09:10Let him get as nice as he wants.
09:11We'll hold him down at the end.
09:13No, you clean up as you go along.
09:14You guys really did never teach us how to eat.
09:16You realize that, right?
09:17Because we come from shtetl people.
09:19Your grandma, Rose, actually ate lettuce with her bare hands.
09:22Dear God.
09:23Josh, seriously?
09:24Oh, my God.
09:25Do something about yourself.
09:26Actually, on principle, I will not.
09:28I'm eating barbecue, and it's on my face.
09:30I'm not perfect like you.
09:32Sarah's like this cleanliness USA.
09:34Oh, you know what?
09:34It's really not that hard, you wife.
09:36Why don't you clean up the barbecue sauce inside your vagina?
09:38Hey, guys.
09:39Sorry.
09:39Listen, I have, I need to talk to you about something.
09:45There's a big change going on, and...
09:50Oh, God.
09:52I love your kids.
09:53I love your kids.
09:54I love your kids.
09:56I love your kids.
09:57I love your kids.
09:58It is cancer.
09:59Daddy, are you dying?
10:00Just tell us if you're dying.
10:01I knew it was cancer.
10:02Daddy, are you dying?
10:03I don't think he has cancer.
10:04Dad, just tell us if he's dying.
10:05Dad, he looks good.
10:06He looks good.
10:07It doesn't matter how he looks.
10:09Remember Jill Goldberg?
10:11She had a melanoma for three years.
10:12They couldn't see it, and boom, she's dead.
10:14Jill Goldberg is dead?
10:15Yeah.
10:16No, and if daddy had cancer, you'd have the kind of way you look at it.
10:18The one where all your friends died of it, what is it?
10:20Prostate.
10:20Prostate cancer.
10:21That's the one that you'd probably have.
10:23Super sick.
10:24Oh, my God.
10:24You never know.
10:25Nothing to be joking about.
10:26How many of your friends...
10:27Stop it!
10:31God, I don't have cancer.
10:33Do you kids want me to have cancer?
10:39All right.
10:46So.
10:50I'm selling a house.
10:52I'm done with the house.
10:54I'll take it.
10:54No, you won't.
10:55Yeah.
10:55You're going to move to the west side.
10:56No, not to live in.
10:57I'm going to flip it.
10:58I'm been Zillow-ing the fuck out of this place.
11:00You know how much it's worth right now?
11:01Well, I...
11:02Oh, it's cold.
11:03I'm sorry.
11:04I'm almost done.
11:04I just got to...
11:05I was thinking that you and Len would love to live in this house.
11:08Oh, my God.
11:10No fucking way.
11:11Jesus Christ.
11:13Why do you want to give the house to me?
11:14Because I do.
11:16This is crazy.
11:16Now she needs two sugar daddies?
11:18She's already got one.
11:19I want a husband to buy me a house and work his ass off so I can just go to yoga and just
11:23take naps all day.
11:24I love that.
11:24Why do you two get to decide who gets the house?
11:26You both have a house.
11:27I don't have a house.
11:28You can't have a house because you can't handle money, which is proven by the fact that you
11:32don't have a house.
11:33Proven is not a word like that.
11:34As proven by the fact.
11:36That's a verb.
11:36As an adjective.
11:37A proven fact.
11:38That works.
11:39See, this is why you have to date children, because they don't correct your grammar.
11:41I do not date children.
11:42Yes, you.
11:43You're a child, actually.
11:44Listen, Dad.
11:45It would have been really nice if you had talked to me about this privately before you
11:48turned it into a free-for-all.
11:50You know what?
11:51I have a show, and I love you guys very much, and I will speak to you later.
11:56Goodbye.
11:58All right.
11:59You want to take this home?
12:00Yes, please.
12:01Dad, you don't need all this food, right?
12:02Dad, I'm going to put these baby backs in a Ziploc for you.
12:10Where are you going to live, Daddy?
12:19There you go.
12:20It's just a loan.
12:27You know, the unemployment people, they just suddenly got my apartment number wrong.
12:31I don't know.
12:31Somebody else is getting my money.
12:33What happened to the Price is Right money?
12:35Dad, that was like six years ago.
12:37What, six years ago?
12:38Mm-hmm.
12:38Is that all gone?
12:39Yeah.
12:41It wasn't that much.
12:44Well, I'm always, always happy to help you out when you're in trouble.
12:51I'm not in trouble.
12:52I'm just...
12:53You know, out of all my kids, you're the one you can see me most clearly.
13:09It's probably because we share the depressive gene.
13:13I'm not depressed.
13:14Boy, it is so hard.
13:20When someone sees something you do not want them to see.
13:27Um...
13:27Well, thanks.
13:32Ellie, what's in it?
13:34Go.
13:34You want to go?
13:35Oh.
13:35Hi.
13:55I...
13:56No, I couldn't do it.
13:58My God, I had no idea it was going to be so hard.
14:03I know.
14:05Oh, thank you.
14:07I love you, too.
14:08Yes, I will see you tomorrow.
14:10Yeah.
14:11Good night.
14:11Good night.
14:11Good night.
14:17Good night.
14:18Good night.
14:19Good night.
14:19Good night.
14:20Good night.
14:21Good night.
14:22Good night.
14:23Good night.
14:24Good night.
14:25Good night.
14:26Good night.
14:27Good night.
14:28Good night.
14:29Good night.
14:30Good night.
14:31Good night.
14:32Good night.
14:33Good night.
14:34Good night.
14:35Good night.
14:36Good night.
14:37Good night.
14:38Good night.
14:39Rita, it's me.
14:49Hi.
14:50Hi.
15:08Make yourself comfortable.
15:12We'll try, our hands are beating through.
15:17We'll be listening to the light.
15:22We'll be listening to the light.
15:27We'll be listening to the light.
15:32We'll try, our hands are beating through.
15:36Our misses and the view and fall.
15:41We'll be doing this.
15:47Bye.
15:52Bye.
15:55Bye.
15:56Bye.
16:01Bye.
16:07All I wanted to say was, you know, announce his retirement.
16:22So that was it?
16:23Yeah.
16:24I thought you guys already knew that he was retiring.
16:26Well, yeah, but not like when and, I mean, you know, he sort of, it was a confirmation.
16:32Seems like something he could have told you over the phone, but.
16:34Yeah.
16:35I don't know, maybe he just wanted to get us all together.
16:37I don't know.
16:38You're sure it's not cancer?
16:39No, no, we talked about that.
16:40There's no cancer.
16:42That's great.
16:46Hey, I was thinking about, um, inviting Tammy and Grace over for a playdate this week.
16:52Would that be okay?
16:53Of course it'd be okay.
16:54Why wouldn't it be okay?
16:57She's that, um, lesbian that I went to Madison with.
17:03I like lesbians.
17:05I says I didn't join this board to watch you turn it from people who care deeply about
17:17Palm Terrace to a bunch of newbies who never sat on a condo board before, never dealt with
17:21special assessments before, never dealt with shit, frankly.
17:25Hi, Dolly.
17:25I could go to jail.
17:30I could.
17:31If you're going to sit there, take your shoes off, I'm going to cut up cantaloupe.
17:36Well, he'll make a pretty penny off that sale.
17:38You're not going to get any of it?
17:43He's done paying me out.
17:44Dating younger women doesn't come cheap.
17:47Well, he says he's single now.
17:48I wouldn't believe a word your father says.
17:52Nothing.
17:53Not a word.
17:54Nada.
17:54Ninka.
17:55Nein.
17:55Nicht.
17:56How much did you guys pay for that house when you bought it?
17:59$83,000 in 1972.
18:03Josh and I were looking at old records.
18:04There's so many good ones.
18:05Why'd you let him keep them all?
18:07You know I don't care for music.
18:08Is he okay?
18:24What?
18:25Is he okay?
18:27Ask him.
18:29Everyone thinks since he started losing words, he stopped being able to hear.
18:31But he can hear.
18:36Hi, Ed.
18:38Hi.
18:38How are you doing?
18:44Safe.
18:50Where were you?
18:51I don't get why you'd ask me to sleep over if you're just going to be like a billion years late.
18:58Because I can't sleep without you next to me now.
19:00Oh my God, you have your ambience.
19:02My dad's going to sell my house.
19:05This house?
19:06No, the family house.
19:07They got divorced.
19:09My mom moved out.
19:10My dad got to keep it.
19:12I was 15.
19:13Why'd they get divorced?
19:17They said they weren't in love anymore.
19:21Well, I went to Target and I just, I took her out, you know what I mean?
19:34And I got into a checkout line and the girl at the cash register said, I need to see some ID with that credit card of yours and you know what that's like, right?
19:47And I just knew.
19:49And I just knew I said, this is going to not be good.
19:53This is going to get ugly.
19:54And so, she just kept looking at me.
20:01And then she said, oh.
20:06Like that, you know, and she rung up the batteries or something.
20:18That was a, that was a big victory.
20:22And I didn't, I was like, do not cry in front of this woman.
20:26Do not cry in front of this woman.
20:28Thank you for your share, Maura.
20:32Thanks for being vulnerable with us.
20:34One more thing.
20:35I made a commitment here last week that I was going to come out to my kids and I didn't do it.
20:42Because it just wasn't time, you know?
20:46But I will.
20:48And it will be soon.
20:49I promise you.
20:50I promise you.
20:52I promise you.
20:58They are so selfish.
21:07I don't know how it is I raise three people who cannot see beyond themselves.
21:28Do you remember, um, my parents' house?
21:56Do I remember?
21:57Don't you remember you took me up there?
21:58It was like the world's most awkward Thanksgiving about a week before they announced their divorce.
22:02That was, that was.
22:03Elish.
22:04A particularly bad Thanksgiving.
22:06So, anyway, my dad's thinking of moving or renovating.
22:09You know what I would like?
22:10What?
22:10Your eye.
22:12Do you want to check it out with me?
22:13Yeah, sure.
22:14Isn't that your whole, like, playing?
22:16Your skill set?
22:17Yeah, I'd say that's, yeah, that's, that's my skill set.
22:21Now?
22:23Now.
22:24So, tell me what you want.
22:31Uh, I just want to change my body, you know?
22:33What do you want to do to it?
22:35You know, I just want those, like, those, like, nice sculpted arms and then, like, a nice little waist and then the big ass, like, the little waist, big ass, you know?
22:42Just feel sort of rooted, you know?
22:45Like a tree trunk.
22:47Hmm.
22:47Not like I'm just gonna, sort of, all over.
22:51Well, let's start with this.
22:52What do you eat?
22:53Uh, food.
22:55Mostly.
22:56But then sometimes I eat too much of the food and then I sort of hate that and then I get into this deprivation thing and that's just...
23:03Deprivation?
23:04No, I like to think of it more as discipline.
23:07Yeah.
23:07Yeah.
23:08I could use some discipline.
23:11Motherfucker, this is...
23:13This is spectacular.
23:14Right?
23:14Yeah.
23:15We just have to go around the back to get in.
23:18He leaves the slider open.
23:221976.
23:24What?
23:2463.
23:24Oh, my God.
23:27Oh.
23:31Yeah.
23:32My dad's bedroom.
23:39My bones on this baby.
23:40Nobody's, uh, nobody's touched it, huh?
23:45Clearly.
23:50You think it's, it's worth so much that we should just sell it now?
23:55I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't give this thing up unless, unless somebody needs some money.
24:00How's old Mort sitting for dough?
24:02Actually, he's talking about giving the house to me and Len.
24:04When Len wants it, oh God, jump all over it.
24:15He's always complaining about the east side.
24:18Calls it the ghetto.
24:21The ghetto.
24:23I don't know if I'm ready to give up my Saturday mornings.
24:26Farmer's market and the...
24:28Papusa lady.
24:31Oh.
24:31It's a papusa lady you're gonna miss, huh?
24:36Yeah.
24:37I, I really like her papusas.
24:41What'd you say?
24:43What?
24:44I love her papusas.
24:47Okay.
24:48What?
24:50I just, you know, when you say that, you just make it kind of sound, kind of dirty.
24:57What?
25:10What?
25:12What?
25:14What?
25:16What?
25:18What?
25:20I love you.
25:23You're such a loser.
25:25Do not say that.
25:26Actually, I have a song I want you guys to cover.
25:32That's what you're thinking about right now?
25:34Mm-hmm.
25:35Operator, oh, could you help me place this call?
25:42See, the number on the matchbook is over-vaded.
25:49Oh.
25:50Isn't that the way you say it goes?
25:54Oh, that's all I got.
26:00That's all you got?
26:02Yeah, that's all I got.
26:08Are you sure that's all you got from me?
26:12Yeah, that's all I got.
26:13Move that big ass.
26:19That's not the way it feels.
26:23Ten more.
26:26Ten.
26:28Nine.
26:32Operator, oh, could you help me place this call?
26:37Five.
26:41Eight.
26:43Seven.
26:45Six.
26:47Something in my eyes.
26:50Can't know what happens every time.
26:55Think about the love that I thought would save me.
26:59Five, four, three, two,
27:26One.
27:33Dad?
27:35Hi girls.
27:37But that's not the way...
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38:13
1:17:17
37:22
42:43
44:18
37:50
39:22
1:02:36
49:11
50:04
54:10
43:16
39:17
1:11:56
21:17
40:32
42:49
42:34
40:39
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