- il y a 6 mois
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Chris tombe éperdument amoureux d'Allison, une femme juive, et veut même l'épouser. Il demande à son ami de l'aider à devenir plus juif.
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Original Title : Finding Mrs Right
Catégorie : Film en Français Complet en VF, VOSTFR, Comédie, Romance, Humour, Emotion, Film Entier
© 2025 - Tous Droits Réservés
🔥 Les nouveautés ici ➤ https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpylctLnP9NVC0Lv8HD34xaG1GnDQBTZq
#FilmComplet #BoxofficeNouveautés #FilmsMULTI
💛 Snapchat ➤ https://www.snapchat.com/p/1684933092515270
Original Title : Finding Mrs Right
Catégorie : Film en Français Complet en VF, VOSTFR, Comédie, Romance, Humour, Emotion, Film Entier
© 2025 - Tous Droits Réservés
Catégorie
🎥
Court métrageTranscription
00:44:52Le bar mitzvah.
00:44:53Oi.
00:44:54This is our newest member.
00:44:55I was telling you about Avi.
00:44:56Hi.
00:44:57I'm Avi Rosenberg.
00:44:58Welcome to Beth Jacob, Avi.
00:44:59Thank you, Rabbi.
00:45:00Has Marcy warned you about our little club?
00:45:02Oh, no.
00:45:03Uh, club?
00:45:0418 years ago, a boy named Adam Lipschitz had a panic attack during his bar mitzvah,
00:45:09dropped his trousers, and exposed himself to the congregation.
00:45:14That's messed up.
00:45:15Oh, it is messed up, Avi.
00:45:16What's even more messed up is that to this day, Adam's lewd act has become the rite of
00:45:21passage for every boy who's had his bar mitzvah at our temple.
00:45:24In fact, there hasn't been a bar mitzvah boy since 1993 who hasn't shown his to the entire
00:45:31congregation.
00:45:32I've tried everything.
00:45:33They won't stop.
00:45:34I've seen the penises of 459 young boys.
00:45:38So unless you're really into schlongs, Avi, this ain't the temple for you.
00:45:42He gets excited.
00:45:45Avi, Shlomi and I are so embarrassed that on your very first Saturday morning service with
00:45:51you had to see.
00:45:53Genitals.
00:45:54And we sincerely hope that the fact that our temple has a club won't make you consider
00:45:59joining elsewhere.
00:46:00Not at all.
00:46:01Not at all.
00:46:02What was the name of the young man who started it all?
00:46:04Adam Lipschitz?
00:46:05Lipschitz.
00:46:06I hope I don't run into him, huh?
00:46:08Yes, don't we all.
00:46:09I've seen enough.
00:46:10What a freak.
00:46:11Excuse me, Rabbi.
00:46:12Would you like some fish?
00:46:13Oh, yes.
00:46:14Thank you, uh, Hymen.
00:46:21Thank you.
00:46:22Oi.
00:46:23Wow.
00:46:24I have to say our people have invented a lot of lousy food, but gefilte fish might be
00:46:29the worst.
00:46:31My advice is to get it over with as quickly as possible.
00:46:37Two bites.
00:46:38Wham.
00:46:39Bam.
00:46:40Done.
00:46:41Ah.
00:46:42Shlomi, honey, are you all right?
00:46:46Go away!
00:46:47Damn it, Shlomo.
00:46:48I am coming in now.
00:46:49No, you don't want to see this.
00:46:50It'll change you.
00:46:51It changed me.
00:46:52I'm shitting relatives.
00:46:53Oh, Marcy.
00:46:54I hate to do this to you, Cupcake, but I think I'm gonna have to bow out of the tournament.
00:46:58No.
00:46:59No, no, no, no, no, Shlomo.
00:47:00You are not doing any such thing.
00:47:01Now, this is the finals.
00:47:02If we have to take some sort of slop bucket, then so be it.
00:47:03I'm sorry, Lollipop.
00:47:04But we'll just have to wait another year to beat those damn fleisters.
00:47:06Darn it.
00:47:07What tournament?
00:47:08What tournament?
00:47:09What tournament?
00:47:10What tournament?
00:47:11I'm sorry.
00:47:12I'm sorry, Lollipop.
00:47:13But we'll just have to wait another year to beat those damn fleisters.
00:47:16Darn it.
00:47:17What tournament?
00:47:19What tournament?
00:47:20It is the NBLA Regionals.
00:47:23We are in the finals.
00:47:24It starts in three hours.
00:47:25Oh.
00:47:26But, well, I guess that I won't be going this year.
00:47:30I play bridge.
00:47:32He and God, all I do is help you.
00:47:35I want to thank all of you for taking part in what is the world's greatest sporting event,
00:47:45Duplicate Bridge.
00:47:47Of course.
00:47:48Stand up.
00:47:49Feel the sun.
00:47:50You know your time has come.
00:47:53All or none, it's time to feel alive.
00:48:27Jack Trump, in your face!
00:48:31We have a two-way tie.
00:48:36That means sudden death.
00:48:39Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!
00:48:42You've all been briefed on the rules.
00:48:44Three boards. Two out of three wins.
00:48:47Let's keep it clean.
00:48:50Begin!
00:48:57We'll get them on the way to win.
00:49:03Yes!
00:49:04Rosenberg Martin's big one, nothing.
00:49:09They're freaking me out a little bit.
00:49:11You just pay no attention. I've been playing with them for years.
00:49:13It's disturbing.
00:49:14You can do this, right?
00:49:25Trust me.
00:49:26It's over.
00:49:28Trump!
00:49:29What? Trump, baby!
00:49:31It's called Trump.
00:49:32It's called Trump.
00:49:33It's not Trump.
00:49:35You did it!
00:49:36We beat the Flashman!
00:49:45We beat the Flashman!
00:49:46We beat the Flashman!
00:49:47We beat you!
00:49:48You are amazing!
00:49:52Oh, you are amazing!
00:49:53We did it!
00:49:54We did it!
00:49:56Yeah!
00:49:56Oh, honey! Honey, did you see us?
00:49:59Oh!
00:50:00Oh!
00:50:03Obviously.
00:50:04Avi, what are you doing here?
00:50:06What, you two know each other?
00:50:07Yeah, well, yeah, this is the girl I told you about.
00:50:10We went on a date.
00:50:10She never called me back.
00:50:12How do you two know each other?
00:50:13That's my daughter.
00:50:15What? Your daughter?
00:50:16Uh, Mom, could I talk to you just for a second?
00:50:20Um, I, I met that guy at your last mixer.
00:50:24We went on a date, and he ended up being one of the strangest guys I've ever met.
00:50:28How can you possibly say that?
00:50:29I think he is wonderful.
00:50:31He asked our waiter if he could chew him down on the check, and then he said that I had
00:50:36a cute little jupeak.
00:50:37Oh, oh, I'm sure that he was just joking.
00:50:40He's very funny.
00:50:41Really?
00:50:41Okay.
00:50:42Well, then we went to a jazz club, and he stood up in front of everyone and said that Smokey
00:50:47Joe Jefferson was a schwarza.
00:50:49Well, he is one, isn't he?
00:50:50He is a psycho.
00:50:51I mean, isn't it obvious that he's, like, stalking me?
00:50:53Oh, please.
00:50:54Now, come on.
00:50:55I mean, the man is a doctor.
00:50:57It's not like he has time to stalk.
00:50:59No, obviously, this is some sort of crazy coincidence that, you know, it's good.
00:51:05Now, wait a minute.
00:51:07Actually, I, I don't, I don't think that this is a coincidence at all.
00:51:13No, I think that this just might be fate trying to get you two together.
00:51:18Wow.
00:51:21I have never heard you like this.
00:51:22All right, Allison, darling, listen to me.
00:51:25Now, you are 27 years old.
00:51:27And have I ever tried to set you up with anyone?
00:51:29No.
00:51:30And why is that?
00:51:31Because I have never felt that anyone was good enough for you.
00:51:35Until now.
00:51:36What are you doing?
00:51:47What?
00:51:48I told you to let me get to the altar, look at me for 15 seconds, let the tension build,
00:51:53and then slowly pull my veil back.
00:51:56And where is the rabbi?
00:51:57Can somebody get him off the shitter?
00:51:58Okay, fine, whatever.
00:51:59Let's just keep going.
00:52:00No, we can't keep going.
00:52:01We have to keep doing it until we get it right.
00:52:03Adam, your timing was way off.
00:52:05I clocked you pulling back the veil after four seconds.
00:52:07That's the least of our problems.
00:52:08You didn't even have tears in your eyes when you lifted up the veil.
00:52:11It's a rehearsal.
00:52:12Who cares if it's a rehearsal?
00:52:13Don't you love my daughter so much that you tear up every time you see her?
00:52:16I can't believe you're being so insensitive.
00:52:18Don't you know that she is still recovering from her surgery?
00:52:21Oh, by the way, Hannah has your new vag.
00:52:24Jill, stop talking about Hannah's vagina.
00:52:27Less ugly?
00:52:28Dennis!
00:52:28Dad!
00:52:29What?
00:52:29Pokey-poo, the Daniels are right.
00:52:31You really need to take this a little bit more seriously because we only have three more
00:52:35rehearsals left till the wedding.
00:52:37Megan, sweetie, your pedal throng's got a little bit sloppy and unfocused.
00:52:41Remember, it's three pedals per step.
00:52:44Screw it up again and you're both out.
00:52:48Okay, so let's take it from the poems.
00:52:50What?
00:52:51The poems?
00:52:51Yes.
00:52:52Oh, honey, you want to do that now?
00:52:53I thought that was going to be a surprise for the wedding day.
00:52:56It's going to be a surprise for the guests, but I need to see how you perform it so I can
00:52:59give you notes.
00:53:01Okay.
00:53:04Hannah.
00:53:04Yes?
00:53:05The day I met you, it was like a dream, even more thrilling than my father's new embroidery
00:53:11machine.
00:53:12I'm fine.
00:53:13My feelings towards you are so extreme that sometimes when I'm with you, I just, I just
00:53:18want to scream.
00:53:21What grade is he in?
00:53:22The thought of being without you words can't explain if you only knew what was going on
00:53:28inside my brain.
00:53:32Brain.
00:53:33Brain.
00:53:33Brain.
00:53:34I can't believe I'm about to spend the rest of my years with you.
00:53:38Dad.
00:53:39Brain.
00:53:40And in just a few minutes, I'm going to say the words, I...
00:53:50I...
00:53:51I'm going to say the words, I...
00:53:55Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:54:25I want to get to know you
00:54:27I want to get to know the real you
00:54:29I can't believe you're saying this
00:54:31I've never met a guy who wanted to wait
00:54:32So, and I saw your commercial
00:54:35So I went to the palace
00:54:36And we've been hanging out ever since
00:54:38He never said a word to us about this
00:54:39God forbid he should tell us anything
00:54:41Have you heard from him at all in the last week?
00:54:43No, no, I've been calling him too
00:54:45He hasn't returned any of my calls
00:54:46What if he was murdered by the homeless meth heads?
00:54:49What if he was blown by a vampire?
00:54:51Did he say anything about Hannah, about the wedding?
00:54:53No, nothing
00:54:54Daddy!
00:54:56You know what?
00:54:56He probably just got cold feet
00:54:57I disappeared for six months before my wedding
00:55:00Right, honey?
00:55:00Uh, that was me
00:55:01That's right
00:55:03How are you a doctor?
00:55:05Oh, God!
00:55:06He's gone forever
00:55:08And I'm never gonna have a baby
00:55:11Oh, God!
00:55:14I didn't have a grandchild!
00:55:18I can't!
00:55:20Hello!
00:55:20God damn it!
00:55:22Do something, Bruce!
00:55:25Oh, no!
00:55:26Oh, no!
00:55:28No!
00:55:29No!
00:55:31Oh, no!
00:55:32Hello!
00:55:33Hello!
00:55:33Now, the doctors at the hospital referred you to Serenity Hills because they felt that Adam required a more intense, hands-on environment for his condition
00:55:41C'est bon, c'est bon, c'est bon.
00:56:11C'est bon, c'est bon, c'est bon.
00:56:41C'est bon.
00:56:43C'est bon.
00:56:45C'est bon.
00:56:48C'est la fin, c'est la fin du mois.
00:57:18Oh...
00:57:19You never did that with me, ever!
00:57:21No, je vous dis!
00:57:22C'est une idée!
00:57:23C'est une idée!
00:57:24C'est une idée, Adam!
00:57:25C'est une idée!
00:57:26C'est une idée!
00:57:27C'est une idée!
00:57:28Johnny Williams, c'est une idée!
00:57:32Oh, gosh!
00:57:33Mais ils ont vu ce qu'ils aient ça dès que je suis.
00:57:36Wow.
00:57:37C'est incroyable qu'ils puissent trouver des gens qui sont en ce show.
00:57:42Je suis Salah Khan.
00:57:44Je suis en train de être votre premier counsellor.
00:57:48C'est une idée!
00:57:49Oh, my God!
00:57:50Oh, my God!
00:57:51Oh, my God!
00:57:52If you don't wanna talk, it's no problem.
00:57:53You don't have to talk.
00:57:54You know, these things take time.
00:57:56And I've got all the time you need.
00:58:00Alright, are you ready for some paco?
00:58:03OK, let's do it.
00:58:04That fuck out.
00:58:06And give it a drop.
00:58:08OK, all right.
00:58:09Here goes.
00:58:10Bring in a little tea time.
00:58:12Why is it that only fat people make it into the showdown?
00:58:15I don't know how to do it.
00:58:17Bien. Si vous voulez être là comme un végebole tout le jour et que vous n'entendez pas,
00:58:22alors, allez-y.
00:58:24Mais ma job est de faire vous bien encore,
00:58:28par avoir vous face les événements qui ont fait vous dans cette étude.
00:58:31Donc, si vous voulez faire ça,
00:58:35je vous laisse le 2,500 euros que vous faites ici,
00:58:37et allez-y rentrer dans un hôtel.
00:58:42Alors, suitz-vous.
00:58:44Vous faites ce que vous voulez, petit homme.
00:58:47Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:59:17C'est parti !
00:59:47The hunters were hunting in our backyard.
00:59:49What were the hunters doing in your backyard?
00:59:51They had gotten lost and, uh, were off track.
00:59:54And, uh, my parents were wearing their brown onesies,
00:59:57and the, um, the hunters mistook them for elk.
01:00:02Oh.
01:00:02What happened to the hunters? Were they arrested?
01:00:04No. They are still at large.
01:00:06You know what, Avi?
01:00:07The police chief in Skokie's an old friend of mine.
01:00:10I'm calling him tomorrow.
01:00:11We'll see if we can't help move things along.
01:00:14Huh.
01:00:15Forgive me, but weren't you on the phone with your...
01:00:17Can we talk about something else?
01:00:19Of course.
01:00:20I was watching TV last night.
01:00:21Um, Ten Commandments.
01:00:23Charlton Heston.
01:00:24What an actor.
01:00:25Not Jewish, you know.
01:00:26Who isn't?
01:00:29So I'm...
01:00:30I'm up there, and we're rehearsing these...
01:00:33these poems that we had written for each other.
01:00:37And... and...
01:00:38right at the part where I'm about to say I do,
01:00:42I just... I just cracked.
01:00:44Good, Adam.
01:00:45Do you remember how you were feeling in that very moment?
01:00:49No.
01:00:50I mean, I... I just...
01:00:52For a split second, I...
01:00:54I saw my entire life with Hannah flash before my eyes.
01:00:59And why did that scare you?
01:01:00Probably because...
01:01:02I...
01:01:03I don't think she's right for me.
01:01:06So then why are you marrying her?
01:01:08I don't know.
01:01:09You're avoiding the question, Adam.
01:01:11I think you do know.
01:01:13Now, what I want you to do is try to pinpoint the exact moment in your life
01:01:18where this pressure you're feeling originated.
01:01:24I was 12 years old.
01:01:28Stop staring at her, Adam.
01:01:30That is rude.
01:01:33You're cute.
01:01:34You stare all you like, little man.
01:01:36You are not, and you will never be, her little man.
01:01:41Why can't I be her little man?
01:01:42Because she's not Jewish.
01:01:43So I can't be with a girl who's not Jewish?
01:01:45That's right.
01:01:46Why?
01:01:46Because it's your responsibility to perpetuate our religion.
01:01:49Why?
01:01:49Because six million of our ancestors died and we owe it to them.
01:01:52Why?
01:01:52Because they're dead.
01:01:53So what does that have to do with me?
01:01:54Because you're Jewish.
01:01:55The fate of our entire religion depends on you.
01:01:58You.
01:01:59You.
01:02:00It depends on me.
01:02:02It depends on me.
01:02:03It's all right.
01:02:03It all depends on me.
01:02:05It's all right.
01:02:05It's all right, Adam.
01:02:07Do you want me to get out?
01:02:08Oh, God.
01:02:09Oh, God.
01:02:10Oh, God.
01:02:10It's all right.
01:02:10Oh, God.
01:02:13Adam, that was really good.
01:02:15Really good.
01:02:18I'm here.
01:02:18Hey, boss.
01:02:29Can I get the crusty right?
01:02:33Yeah, here.
01:02:34Ay, gracias.
01:02:35You have soft hands.
01:02:37Uh, hey, boss.
01:02:38You remember that one time we went to...
01:02:39Don't say a word.
01:02:43Hey, beautiful.
01:02:44How you doing?
01:02:45Just working.
01:02:45What are you doing?
01:02:46Oh, nothing.
01:02:47You know, just here at the hospital.
01:02:48Checking in on patients, patients, patients.
01:02:51What's up, baby?
01:02:52Well, I just spoke to my dad,
01:02:53and he talked to the chief of police in Skokie,
01:02:56and there's no record of any Rosenbergs
01:02:58being shot and killed by hunters.
01:03:00Really?
01:03:00Yeah.
01:03:01In fact, there hasn't been a hunting-related death
01:03:03in Skokie ever.
01:03:05So I went online to research it,
01:03:07and I couldn't find anything.
01:03:08Allison, I didn't want to have to tell you this,
01:03:11but my parents were in the witness protection program,
01:03:16and when they were murdered,
01:03:17the FBI destroyed their records.
01:03:19Oye, boss, you're crazy.
01:03:21What were they doing in the witness protection program?
01:03:24Jimmy Hoffa?
01:03:24What about Jimmy Hoffa?
01:03:26Look, I've said too much already.
01:03:27Do you understand?
01:03:28Avi, I just feel like you're hiding things from me.
01:03:30I mean, we've been going out for a month,
01:03:31and you never tell me that your parents were murdered
01:03:33by elk hunters,
01:03:35and now they're in the witness protection program,
01:03:37and on top of all that,
01:03:38I'm just starting to wonder if you might be gay.
01:03:40What? Gay?
01:03:41Gay? Whoa, whoa.
01:03:43Why would you think I'm gay?
01:03:45Because what guy goes out with a girl for a whole month
01:03:47and doesn't want to sleep with her?
01:03:48I do. I want to sleep with you.
01:03:50I just want it to be special.
01:03:53Ew.
01:03:53That is exactly what my Aunt Judy's husband told her
01:03:56right before they got married,
01:03:57and 20 years and two kids later,
01:03:59she walks in on him tied up
01:04:00with a rubber ball gag in his mouth
01:04:02being f***ed by a ch***
01:04:03who was dressed as Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz.
01:04:06Okay, and I am not going to turn out like my Aunt Judy.
01:04:08Okay, okay, okay.
01:04:12Listen, we will sleep together.
01:04:13I won't. Let's do this, baby.
01:04:15Really? Do you mean that?
01:04:16Oh, yeah.
01:04:17When?
01:04:18When are we going to have sex?
01:04:19Right after I get back
01:04:21from the medical conference in Dallas.
01:04:23What medical conference in Dallas?
01:04:25Remember I told you about that a couple of weeks ago.
01:04:28When are you leaving?
01:04:29Like in two hours.
01:04:32You know, when you inhale,
01:04:34maybe you and Ted Bundy can be roommates, cabron.
01:04:38You know, Ruth, I'm looking at a bill here
01:04:46for $42,765.
01:04:50And considering we said
01:04:52we'd split all the wedding expenses,
01:04:54we need to go half-seas.
01:04:55How's your son going crazy at wedding expense?
01:04:58Well, it happened during a wedding rehearsal,
01:05:00so I think a case could be made in a court of law.
01:05:03This is a wedding expense.
01:05:04Nice try. Nice try.
01:05:05He's got a well-documented, pre-existing condition.
01:05:08There's no way in hell we're paying for it.
01:05:09His condition was never that bad until he met Hannah.
01:05:12Oh. Oh.
01:05:13Hey, are you implying that my daughter
01:05:15had something to do with Adam's freak-out?
01:05:17Oh, she's not implying.
01:05:18She's saying.
01:05:19I had nothing to do with this.
01:05:21Oh, right. You're not insane.
01:05:22Everyone, please.
01:05:24We have worked very hard to get Adam
01:05:26to the point he is at in his therapy.
01:05:27and he has had a very tough time,
01:05:30but these last few days,
01:05:31he has truly managed to come from behind.
01:05:36Oh, God! Oh, God!
01:05:37Oh, God!
01:05:38What the...
01:05:38Oh, God!
01:05:40Mom! Mom! Dad!
01:05:41What are you doing?
01:05:45He never tried that with me!
01:05:47Hannah?
01:05:47What is everybody doing here at the same time?
01:05:52Oh, God.
01:05:53So, let me get this straight.
01:05:56You no longer want to get married to me
01:05:59because you're in love with your Mongolian doctor?
01:06:02I know this must be a shock for everyone,
01:06:04but when Adam finally opened up to me,
01:06:07I don't know.
01:06:08We just clicked.
01:06:09What do you mean you just clicked?
01:06:11Arlene, we are not going to get anywhere
01:06:14by attacking each other, Sala.
01:06:16Please continue.
01:06:18By the way, you're fired.
01:06:20Well, I'm a Buddhist,
01:06:22and, you know, both of our religions
01:06:24were born out of struggle,
01:06:26so we both place emphasis
01:06:28on family, education, and hard work.
01:06:32And the intense pressure that Adam feels
01:06:34to marry within his people
01:06:36is the same pressure I feel
01:06:37to marry a Mongolian,
01:06:39so it's no wonder why we're able to connect.
01:06:42For 43 grand,
01:06:43you could have connected
01:06:44with every chick in Mongolia!
01:06:47Okay, Sala.
01:06:48Hypothetically speaking,
01:06:52if you two were to stay together
01:06:54and get married,
01:06:57how would you raise your children?
01:06:59Mom, do we have to get into this right now?
01:07:01Isn't that what this is for?
01:07:02Okay, well, the truth is...
01:07:03The truth is...
01:07:05The truth is?
01:07:05The truth is...
01:07:06What's the truth, Adam?
01:07:07The truth is I don't know
01:07:08if I want to raise my kids Jewish!
01:07:10Oh, shit.
01:07:14Jesus, who are you?
01:07:18Was I not a good mother to you?
01:07:22When you were in kindergarten
01:07:23and you wanted the little trampoline
01:07:25that could poke your eye out,
01:07:26who got you the trampoline
01:07:27that could poke your eye out?
01:07:29I did.
01:07:30And when you were in fifth grade
01:07:32and you wanted to take karate lessons
01:07:34in Chinatown,
01:07:35who drove you there three nights a week
01:07:37and sat in the parking lot
01:07:39all alone in the dark,
01:07:42I did.
01:07:43And do you know why?
01:07:46Because you're my son
01:07:48and I love you.
01:07:53And how do you show your love for me?
01:07:56Well, you have style sex
01:07:59with your Mongolian therapist
01:08:00on your wedding day!
01:08:02And then you say to me,
01:08:04Hey, Mom, I'm not sure
01:08:07if I want to raise my kids Jewish!
01:08:11Oh, Adam, that's fine!
01:08:13That's fine!
01:08:13Just, just eat the knife!
01:08:15Just eat the knife and kill me, Adam!
01:08:17Just eat it right now!
01:08:18Mom, stop it!
01:08:23Oh, okay, Adam,
01:08:25so you're saying that
01:08:26our entire time together
01:08:28meant nothing to you?
01:08:29We never hit you!
01:08:30We never fondled you!
01:08:31I got a lip of tea!
01:08:32Can you for you?
01:08:34Honey, honey,
01:08:35I think we dodged a bullet.
01:08:36Yeah, she seems nice.
01:08:38I mean, you better get
01:08:39a good lawyer, freak boy,
01:08:40because I'm suing your ass off!
01:08:42Okay, this!
01:08:44This!
01:08:45Right here!
01:08:46You want to know why I went nuts?
01:08:49It's because all of you are nuts!
01:08:52And I'm sorry that I can't marry you,
01:08:54but it's better that we end this right now
01:08:56rather than dragging this on
01:08:58for a long fucking time.
01:09:00And, Mom, I'm sorry that you had to do things
01:09:03that you didn't want to do.
01:09:05But you know what?
01:09:06So did I.
01:09:07I joined the family business
01:09:08and became the embroidery prince!
01:09:11Well, how happy can a man be?
01:09:13And to top it off,
01:09:14I've never dated a woman who wasn't Jewish
01:09:16my entire life!
01:09:17Well, you know what?
01:09:18I'm not doing things for you guys anymore, huh?
01:09:21I'm doing things for me
01:09:22because I love Sala.
01:09:24Sala.
01:09:24And she's Mongolian.
01:09:27And that's pretty cool.
01:09:30I love you, too.
01:09:33Oh, God.
01:09:35Are you going to be paying by cash or check?
01:09:39With this technique,
01:09:41the thematic skin is allowed to stay intact.
01:09:44And finally, the Neo-Crossing Crush.
01:09:47By using the Terra Clamp,
01:09:49the skin is crushed for around ten days
01:09:51until it suffocates and dies.
01:09:54With this technique,
01:09:56the skin bond.
01:09:56Yeah.
01:09:57I mean, you've got to love the dorsal slip, right?
01:10:00Because the phomotic skin stays intact.
01:10:01But on the other hand,
01:10:02with the sleeve resection,
01:10:03I've got the widest variety of scarring options.
01:10:06What do you think?
01:10:08Honestly, I'm kind of partial
01:10:09to the temporary crush.
01:10:10You know, you get all the benefits
01:10:12of the sleeve resection,
01:10:13but you get that pump action
01:10:14of the agamgo device there.
01:10:16Yeah, yeah.
01:10:16Plus, it reduces your schmegma
01:10:18by, like, 75%.
01:10:20It does?
01:10:20Yeah.
01:10:21Done.
01:10:21Sold.
01:10:22Going with the temporary crush, boy.
01:10:25Knock, knock.
01:10:26Snip, snip time, Mr. O'Connell.
01:10:29Oh.
01:10:31Here we go.
01:10:32Is this your life partner?
01:10:34Who?
01:10:34No.
01:10:35No, no, no, no.
01:10:35No life partnering here.
01:10:37No, that would be weird.
01:10:38Okay.
01:10:38Not that that's weird at all,
01:10:40but just, you know.
01:10:40Okay, Mr. O'Connell.
01:10:41So, me go on to turn this little knobby here on,
01:10:44and you're going to just slowly drift away.
01:10:47Me want you to breathe, relax, enjoy it.
01:10:52Breathing.
01:10:53Breathing, breathing.
01:10:55I'm scared.
01:10:56You have nothing to be afraid of, boy.
01:10:58Nurse Boo is going to sing you a little ditty
01:11:00and make you feel all the better.
01:11:02Oh.
01:11:02When I was only eight days old,
01:11:05hurrah, hurrah,
01:11:06a billy, billy, billy, boom.
01:11:08When I was only eight days old,
01:11:10hurrah, hurrah,
01:11:12a billy, billy, billy.
01:11:13The boy that came with his big knife,
01:11:15I thought he was going to take my life,
01:11:17but he only took a little bit off the top,
01:11:21a little bit off the top,
01:11:23top, top,
01:11:23a little bit off the top.
01:11:25Top.
01:11:28Well, okay, okay.
01:11:30Okay.
01:11:31She was taking a little off the top.
01:11:32Easy there, Mr. O'Connor.
01:11:35Next time,
01:11:37don't trust your circumcision to an HMO.
01:11:46I think she's nice.
01:11:48I just, I can't believe that you're doing all of this
01:11:51just so you don't have to make any more decisions.
01:11:53Oh, Adam,
01:11:54you don't get it.
01:11:56All those things that you say drive you crazy,
01:11:58I love.
01:11:59I love that your parents smother you.
01:12:01I love that if they hear about a tornado in Kansas,
01:12:05they call you,
01:12:07even though you live in Los Angeles.
01:12:09Yeah, we're very nervous people.
01:12:10And I love the fact that
01:12:11you email each other your itineraries
01:12:14because,
01:12:15because you never know, you know?
01:12:17No.
01:12:19You never know.
01:12:20Never know.
01:12:21And for the past 5,000 years,
01:12:23every civilization,
01:12:25every culture has tried to have you guys annihilated.
01:12:27Yeah, we are not liked.
01:12:28I like you.
01:12:29We like you.
01:12:30You're getting the...
01:12:31It's going to all make sense now.
01:12:33Now, Muhammad Al-Sheikh Al-Sheen
01:12:35Al-Sheikh is up here.
01:12:37Now, he's going to come up here,
01:12:38and then we've got Muhammad Al-Sheikh.
01:12:40Muhammad Al-Sheikh.
01:12:41No.
01:12:42Stop that.
01:12:45McConnell here.
01:12:46Speak up.
01:12:47Hi, Daddy.
01:12:47It's your son, Christian.
01:12:48What you doing?
01:12:49I'm in Tahiti having myself a Mai Tai.
01:12:51What the hell do you think I'm doing?
01:12:54Fighting terrorists?
01:12:55Spreading democracy?
01:12:56Dad, guess what I'm doing?
01:12:58Oh, I'm here with Adam Lipschitz.
01:12:59You remember him?
01:13:00Adam Lipschitz?
01:13:01Didn't I order you to stay away from that boy?
01:13:03No, Daddy.
01:13:04We're life partners.
01:13:05Sir, that's inaccurate, sir.
01:13:07Life partners?
01:13:08Now, what the hell is life partners?
01:13:09Life partners.
01:13:10She's a homo, Dad.
01:13:11What?
01:13:11I call her to what?
01:13:13A homo?
01:13:14Yeah, we're here at the hospital, you know,
01:13:15because he's with me,
01:13:16so I can get circumcised, sir.
01:13:19What?
01:13:19Not for me, though.
01:13:21Circumcised.
01:13:22Circumcised?
01:13:23Yeah, so I can be a Jew, Daddy.
01:13:24You can be a Jew?
01:13:26Daddy, I want to tell you something, too,
01:13:27because I don't think I've ever told you this before.
01:13:29We never say this, but I love you, Daddy.
01:13:32I love you.
01:13:34Hi.
01:13:35Ow!
01:13:36Sorry.
01:13:37You know, I'm glad we're hanging out again,
01:13:39but I kind of feel like something's missing.
01:13:42A little bit off the top.
01:13:44Top.
01:13:45Top.
01:13:45Top.
01:13:51Allison?
01:13:55Want to have sex?
01:13:58Not really.
01:13:59Clear right!
01:14:03Clear right!
01:14:04Didn't I order you to keep your son away from my son?
01:14:09Excuse me.
01:14:10Don't you play dumb with me, s*** libs?
01:14:14Buck O'Connell?
01:14:16Oh, jeez!
01:14:17Your Adam has turned my Christian into some gay Jew.
01:14:22Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:14:24Buck, slow down.
01:14:25What are you talking about?
01:14:27They're live partners.
01:14:30Live partners?
01:14:32Wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:14:33What makes you think this?
01:14:35He called and told me,
01:14:37while he was in hospital with your Adam,
01:14:40that he was about to get his package up
01:14:44so they could be gay Jews together.
01:14:48And then he told me,
01:14:50Dad, I love you.
01:14:52What the hell is going on, huh?
01:14:55Oh, Dennis, we pushed him too far,
01:14:58and he snapped.
01:15:00With all the pressure that we put on him
01:15:02to marry a Jewish girl,
01:15:03the Asian wasn't enough,
01:15:04and he went the other way.
01:15:08Okay, Buck, first of all,
01:15:10you look fantastic.
01:15:12Whoa, hey, hey, hey, whoa, man.
01:15:14No, but second of all,
01:15:15I mean, I'm having a hard time
01:15:16believing any of this.
01:15:18Oh, yeah?
01:15:19Now, where's your boy right now?
01:15:21Oh, buddy, I'm so happy you're here,
01:15:24and that you're helping me with this.
01:15:25I don't know what I would do without you.
01:15:26You really need me to do this again?
01:15:28I gotta be honest.
01:15:28I don't know if I can get through another gauze pass.
01:15:31And how many times a day do you have to do it?
01:15:33Oh, really, I can't do this myself.
01:15:35Please come and do it.
01:15:36God, come on, just help me.
01:15:38Okay, come here.
01:15:39Put some of that jelly on it,
01:15:41and let's get going.
01:15:41Drop the petroleum jelly
01:15:47and back away from my son's anus.
01:15:51Holy s***.
01:15:53I knew it.
01:15:54Don't shoot him, Dad.
01:15:55Mom?
01:15:56Adam.
01:15:56Dad?
01:15:57Damn it, Adam.
01:15:57Jelly's for toast.
01:16:01Allison, I'm not a Jew,
01:16:03and I'm not a doctor,
01:16:05and my name is not Avi Rosenberg.
01:16:06Well, then who the hell are you?
01:16:08I'm Christian Thaddeus Reginald MacArthur O'Connell.
01:16:10I'm a plumber.
01:16:12Look, when I met you at the mixer,
01:16:14I begged my friend Adam here
01:16:15to help me pass myself off as a Jew
01:16:18so that you'd be able to date me.
01:16:20f***ing club?
01:16:22Allison, how's it going?
01:16:24Marcy?
01:16:24Don't you even look at me.
01:16:25Rabbi, I'm so sorry.
01:16:26You f***ing club.
01:16:28Before Adam came along,
01:16:29I watched NASCAR,
01:16:30and I had the heads of dead animals
01:16:32that I'd hunted and killed myself on my wall,
01:16:34and I had no idea
01:16:35that when you order a salad at a restaurant,
01:16:36you can order the dressing on the side,
01:16:38let alone custom-create your own dishes off the menu.
01:16:41What the hell are you talking about?
01:16:42I fed your seeds a salad.
01:16:44Jews can custom-create their own dishes off the menu.
01:16:47They're always up to something.
01:16:49No, I can hear you.
01:16:50That's why I messed up our date so bad,
01:16:52because I wasn't being myself.
01:16:54And then Adam told me
01:16:55the only way I'm ever going to be able to get you back
01:16:56is if I could convince your mom
01:16:58that I was the greatest guy in the world.
01:17:00So that's why I poisoned your dad
01:17:02with the rotten gift filled of fish,
01:17:04because I wanted to partner with your mom
01:17:07in the bridge tournament.
01:17:07You're the reason I've been on the toilet
01:17:09for three days becoming a raisin?
01:17:11All right, now we finally beat the Fleischmann, Shlomi,
01:17:13so just leave it alone.
01:17:14Was there ever a medical conference in Dallas?
01:17:17No, I just needed time
01:17:19to recover from the circumcision.
01:17:21Oh, Jesus!
01:17:22On the what?
01:17:23I wouldn't mind having circumcision.
01:17:25Why would you do all that?
01:17:27Because I love you.
01:17:29Allison, I love you.
01:17:36Oh, how, how, how, how, how, how, how?
01:17:40And I want...
01:17:41I want you to make every decision for me
01:17:43for the rest of my life.
01:17:44Will you do that?
01:17:46So I'm just supposed to forget about everything
01:17:48you just said because you love me?
01:17:51Yes, please.
01:17:52Son, stop this hollering
01:17:56and just propose to the girl.
01:17:59Don't put the tongue in.
01:18:05Well, that haircut is awful.
01:18:07So let me make an appointment for you
01:18:09with my guy, because he's the best.
01:18:11I should take that as a yes, huh?
01:18:13Yes.
01:18:14I'll take that as a yes.
01:18:16Aw.
01:18:17Show me we've got a plumber.
01:18:18Christian Thaddeus Reginald MacArthur O'Connell.
01:18:22Rosenberg.
01:18:23Now that's a nice Jewish name.
01:18:25We are so thrilled that you finally decided
01:18:32to come on a moose hunt with us.
01:18:33I can't wait to kill me a ten-pointer.
01:18:35I'm going to skin him and gut him
01:18:37and pull out his rectum.
01:18:38You, uh, nobody is pulling out anybody's rectum here.
01:18:40That's what they do.
01:18:41No, no, listen to me, Shlomi.
01:18:42That would be a disgusting thing to do.
01:18:44Think of it.
01:18:44You could be more of it.
01:18:45E. coli.
01:18:45You could get bacterium.
01:18:47There are no wipes here that I can see.
01:18:49Shut up!
01:18:50Stop the convection!
01:18:54Mercy, yarmulke man.
01:18:55Take a knee.
01:18:56Knee?
01:18:58Oh, cramp.
01:19:00Careful.
01:19:01Not like that.
01:19:02For God's sake.
01:19:05I remember when my father took me out
01:19:07for my first hunt.
01:19:10We all fought like crazy
01:19:12over who's going to be the lucky one
01:19:13to pull out that rectum.
01:19:15Uh, that's what they do?
01:19:17Oh, thank you.
01:19:18No, baby.
01:19:18Damn right.
01:19:20Nog, baby?
01:19:21Oh, baby loves momma's nog.
01:19:25Nog, baby.
01:19:26I'm not really much of a nog guy.
01:19:28You know, the dairy kind of makes
01:19:30my acid reflux kick in,
01:19:32and I'm not even sure if the eggs are cage-free,
01:19:34so I don't feel safe.
01:19:35One sip won't kill me, I guess.
01:19:38Nog, baby?
01:19:40Oh, yeah.
01:19:46Oh, yeah!
01:19:47Oh, yeah!
01:19:50Oh, yeah.
01:19:53Nog, Nog, Nog, and
01:19:55uh, Jibai, Nog,
01:19:57whatever.
01:19:58My wife and I, we want to thank you for your hospitality
01:20:00et pour ces belles chaînes.
01:20:02Je vous invite à la chine.
01:20:04Je vous invite à la chine.
01:20:06Ma mère vous dit que c'est un honneur
01:20:09d'avoir une partie de notre famille,
01:20:10et ils ont appris un grand de la vie de tous ces jours.
01:20:13Merci, merci.
01:20:15Je vous invite à la chine.
01:20:17Mon père vous dit que vous aimez la marmite.
01:20:19C'est une spécialité.
01:20:20Oh, Dennis, vous écoutez ça?
01:20:22On va avoir la marmite. Hooray.
01:20:23On va voir à la maison,
01:20:25je peux avoir la nourriture chaque mois.
01:20:27Je ne dis pas que vous ne deviez pas la nourriture.
01:20:29On va avoir la nourriture ?
01:20:30Vous pouvez parler de la rume.
01:20:31Alors, pour moi, c'est une petite chine de mongolien.
01:20:33Oh, comment ça va?
01:20:34C'est une petite mauvaise barbecue aller aussi.
01:20:36Tu peux manger le bébé ?
01:20:38Ca? C'est un gros morceau ?
01:20:39C'est un gros morceau ?
01:20:40Je ne sais pas.
01:20:41Vous êtes pas encore un gros morceau ?
01:20:42nichts de quoi ?
01:20:43C'est un gros morceau ?
01:20:44Même si vous出iez un sonor ?
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