- il y a 6 mois
Bro, What Happened? (2014) is a comedy about a group of friends who wake up after a wild night with no memory of what went down. As they retrace their steps, they uncover a series of unexpected and hilarious surprises. Filled with outrageous humor and unexpected moments, it's a lighthearted story of friendship, fun, and figuring it all out.
Bro What Happened, Bro What Happened (2014), comedy movie, funny story, friendship comedy, party comedy, memory loss movie, 2014 film, outrageous humor, fun adventure, group of friends, indie comedy, lighthearted movie, unexpected journey, college comedy, full movie Bro What Happened, comedy with surprises, laugh out loud film, fun and chaos, feel good comedy
Bro What Happened, Bro What Happened (2014), comedy movie, funny story, friendship comedy, party comedy, memory loss movie, 2014 film, outrageous humor, fun adventure, group of friends, indie comedy, lighthearted movie, unexpected journey, college comedy, full movie Bro What Happened, comedy with surprises, laugh out loud film, fun and chaos, feel good comedy
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00:00:00Sous-titres par Juanfrance
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00:03:393 o'clock, dude, Beth's gonna be here any fucking minute
00:03:43Fuck Beth, write your butt, bro
00:03:44My virgin ass was fucking tampered with last night, dude
00:03:48And I didn't even hear the burglar alarm go off
00:03:50I called Jamie and Beef, they're gonna be here any minute
00:03:53And we're gonna find out what the fuck went down last night, dude
00:03:56I already checked all the websites for party fucking evidence
00:03:59Nothing, just titties
00:04:00Still cool
00:04:01Shit
00:04:03Dude, I didn't tell you everything
00:04:09Okay, what?
00:04:14When I woke up this morning
00:04:17I was in bed naked with Pauly
00:04:22Oh, damn, I told you this would happen, dude
00:04:26I told you, I know pussy
00:04:28I don't even think I slept with her, man
00:04:31All I remember is I was sitting in my dorm room
00:04:38And I just started on my homework when
00:04:42I got an incoming call on my computer from Beth
00:04:47Hey, baby
00:04:56Hey, babe
00:04:57I really, really miss you
00:04:59Aw, babe
00:05:01You know, these long distance dealios just don't usually work out
00:05:07Oh, come on, Beth
00:05:16You're the one who decided to pick up and leave and go to college
00:05:21When you could have very well just stayed here and finished up community college with me
00:05:25I know, babe, but I've told you I'm committed
00:05:31And, um, are you playing with yourself?
00:05:37No, Beth, no, absolutely not
00:05:40You promised me that you wouldn't play with yourself
00:05:44What would Jesus do, Phil?
00:05:46I mean, honestly, what would he do?
00:05:49You open the door!
00:05:51Um, one sec
00:05:52You open the door!
00:05:53Hold on!
00:05:54I have to take a shit!
00:05:56Hold on, okay, princess
00:05:59The cafeteria food is destroying me, dude!
00:06:02It's Diadelo's diarrhea out here!
00:06:04Cal!
00:06:05Go somewhere else, dude!
00:06:07You know, I can only do the juice at home base!
00:06:10I don't play away games!
00:06:12I need to send a package to the Philippines right away!
00:06:15All right, Beth, just hold on, all right?
00:06:17Just, I'll be right back
00:06:18Jesus!
00:06:26I'm sorry about that, babe
00:06:30Beth
00:06:33Beth, listen, there's something that I've been wanting to ask you
00:06:38What?
00:06:41I was gonna wait until you came home from break
00:06:43Oh, shit!
00:06:46With a love of sweet baby mothers, will you please close the door?
00:06:51This one's for you, Beth
00:06:52Drop!
00:06:53Come on, Phil, I really need to go
00:06:57Beth, Beth, just, just wait, just one second, okay?
00:07:01All right?
00:07:01Oh, it burns!
00:07:05Beth
00:07:05Oh, God, thank you
00:07:06My sweet babe
00:07:08I know it's not much, but
00:07:11I wanted to show you that I am committed
00:07:14Oh, wait, one more fire
00:07:15Oh, my God, Phil, yes!
00:07:19Yes, oh, my God, sweet baby Jesus, yes!
00:07:22Really, babe?
00:07:23You know what?
00:07:26I'm gonna come up tomorrow
00:07:28I think that we should celebrate together
00:07:30You know, the special way
00:07:33Okay, I gotta go, baby!
00:07:35Sweet dreams
00:07:36Oh, dude!
00:07:42Call Guinness Book and the Roto-Rooter, bro!
00:07:45Holy crap, I need a cigarette after that
00:07:48Oh, that burns
00:07:49And you just interrupted the best video chat with Beth
00:07:54Oh, Beth sucks, bro
00:07:55Dude, just lay off, man
00:07:57She's my girlfriend
00:07:57I just...
00:07:58Oh, Jesus!
00:08:02Yeah
00:08:02Dude, we're going to the biggest party tonight
00:08:04Get Beth out of your mind!
00:08:06Where?
00:08:06I got us access to the biggest party of the year
00:08:09I'm talking college kids
00:08:11I'm talking alumni together for one night
00:08:13I'm talking hookers, guns, firetrucks, clowns, milfs, gilfs
00:08:17I'm talking about a campus legend
00:08:19Motherfucking Bob's party, bro
00:08:22No way
00:08:23Dude, how did you get us into that?
00:08:24Cause I'm the fucking man!
00:08:26Please, please, please
00:08:27Take us to the party, Jamie
00:08:28Please
00:08:29I already told Phil we're going to go
00:08:30You know they don't like freshman guys
00:08:31And we're going to look like douches
00:08:33Please
00:08:33Jamie, you want Kenobi your only home?
00:08:35Honestly, Cal
00:08:36You think I'm going to stroll into this party
00:08:37With a string bean and a fat farm animal?
00:08:39Please, please, please, please, please
00:08:40Okay, okay, okay, okay
00:08:42Under one condition
00:08:45And you're not going to like it
00:08:47What?
00:08:47What?
00:08:48You have to bring the bouncer, Grandma Coke
00:08:50And motherfucking Bob an eighth of weed
00:08:52I don't know where to get weed, coke
00:08:54You're going to go here
00:08:56Bring cash
00:08:57And tell them ping pong girl sent you
00:08:59Whatever you do
00:09:00Don't let them talk about baseball to you
00:09:02Meet in the quad here at seven with the stuff
00:09:05And then we'll walk over there together
00:09:07It's far
00:09:08Are you going to be okay?
00:09:09Yes
00:09:09Woohoo!
00:09:10Party time!
00:09:11Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you
00:09:12I have a friend on my back
00:09:15On my back
00:09:17It's for you, huh?
00:09:20Oh my God
00:09:26He's going to die
00:09:28Hey out there, it's Friday
00:09:32Or as I like to call it
00:09:33The real hump day
00:09:35All right
00:09:36Where's the fire, Jufro?
00:09:41Pat down
00:09:41Jeez, man
00:09:44It's nice to let my girlfriends
00:09:45That sucks for you, bro
00:09:46What's going on down here?
00:09:48You want to die by the time you're 30?
00:09:49Eat your fiber
00:09:50Wait
00:09:53Who's your wiener?
00:09:56You one of them lesbians, huh?
00:09:57No wiener
00:09:58Turn around
00:09:59Just doesn't like you
00:10:00Hey, watch the mouth
00:10:00All right, feel good back here
00:10:05Drop your pants
00:10:06What?
00:10:07Time to sit your asshole
00:10:08Um, I don't think so, dude
00:10:10Is he good?
00:10:14Yeah, he's good
00:10:14Follow me
00:10:15Sit down
00:10:21Be quiet
00:10:22Or don't speak until you're spoken to
00:10:24I can't wait
00:10:26Oh, no
00:10:27Oh, no
00:10:28Ah
00:10:29Oh, no
00:10:31Oh
00:10:31No
00:10:32Som
00:10:49Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:11:19Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:11:49Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:12:19Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:12:49Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:13:19Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:13:49Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:14:19Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:14:49Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:15:19Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:15:51Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:15:53I'm going to pee in your eyeballs
00:15:55and I'm going to open your neck and I'm going to open your neck and I'm going to take a shit inside your fucking neck and I will fuck your neck I will shit break your fucking neck do you understand that?
00:16:07Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:09Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:13Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:15Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:17Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:19Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:21Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:23Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:25Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:27Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:29Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:31Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:33Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:38Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:40Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:16:40I can't believe the fucking babysitting drug dealers wife. I mean haven't you seen like I don't know Scarface, Pulp Fiction? This shit always ends badly.
00:16:51Dude! These are movies bro i'm talking about real life! In real life Mr Tom's a fucking psycho dude!
00:16:56He's psychotic! His name's probably not Mr Tom is probably Keiser Soze!
00:16:59Oh messeurs, tu vas-y !
00:17:01We're going to the party, fuck it !
00:17:02Ok, alors que si tu te fais, on te promis Bette, je te fais.
00:17:06Fuck Bette !
00:17:07Je ne peux pas que tu es900 sur les beauchs balls
00:17:09avec des bébots de bébots en elle.
00:17:11Je vais en parler de ça !
00:17:12Je ne sais pas ce que ça veut, mais Bette est ma fiancée.
00:17:15On est maintenant plus mérite.
00:17:16Tu es vraiment très jeune pour faire marier, bro.
00:17:18Tu es vraiment très jeune.
00:17:19Ouais !
00:17:21Oh mon Dieu !
00:17:23Salut !
00:17:25I te dis tellement !
00:17:26Harry, ce que tu fais ici ?
00:17:28Joubacca over here was nice enough to invite me to the party
00:17:32Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:17:34We were actually just talking about marriage
00:17:36Oh my god, I think you guys would make such a cute couple
00:17:39Like, I'm voting yes on gay marriage
00:17:41So you faggots can like
00:17:42Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
00:17:45No, this dipshit is getting engaged
00:17:48He hasn't farted in front of his girlfriend yet
00:17:50Dude, what does that have to do with anything, man?
00:17:53You haven't farted in front of your girlfriend?
00:17:54You can't take your relationship to the next level, dude
00:17:56Yeah, I mean, like, Tom and I are so close
00:17:58That not only has he farted in front of me
00:18:00Like, I've seen him shit down some guy's neck
00:18:03Uh, we should probably get going, right?
00:18:07Yeah, it's like a 20-minute walk to the party, so
00:18:1020 minutes away?
00:18:12Oh my god, Cal, you can sit down and rest on the way
00:18:15Yeah
00:18:16Come on, dude
00:18:18Let's go fuck this pig
00:18:21I'm, like, already tired
00:18:28Scribble Dibble
00:18:33It's Meester, live from motherfucking Bob's
00:18:37We're looking for Jamie
00:18:38Oh, hey, Jamie, there she is
00:18:40Jamie!
00:18:42Oh, I'll be right back
00:18:42Dude, are we Eskimo brothers?
00:18:45Yeah, man, come on in, bro
00:18:46Good to see you
00:18:47YOLO
00:18:48Where the fuck do you think you guys are going?
00:18:50Yo, we're with Jamie, bro
00:18:51Dude, who the fuck is Jamie?
00:18:53She
00:18:53She was right here
00:18:55Hey, man
00:18:56You better check yourself before you direct yourself
00:18:59The fuck did you just say?
00:19:00Nothing, dude
00:19:01I'm just kidding
00:19:01Damn straight, man
00:19:03Now I'm gonna have to kick your fucking ass
00:19:04You have to?
00:19:06Yeah, I have to
00:19:07Here's the thing, man
00:19:08If you let one fatty freshman fuck with you
00:19:11That shit's gonna go on all year
00:19:12It's a matter of principle, man
00:19:14Dude, I'm not really fat
00:19:15Yeah, and my dick isn't two inches long
00:19:17Thanks, God
00:19:18So you see, dude
00:19:19It's out of my hands, bro
00:19:20Hey, I didn't know you were gonna be here
00:19:24Yeah, these two limp dicks are my friends
00:19:26They're cool
00:19:26I'm sorry
00:19:27Shit, fellas
00:19:28Why didn't you say you were with her?
00:19:30I told you we were with Jamie, bro
00:19:31Dude, who the fuck is Jamie?
00:19:35Oh
00:19:35You two, try not to get your asses kicked
00:19:37Cherry
00:19:38Come with me
00:19:39Bye, boys
00:19:41But, Cherry, I need to be watching you
00:19:43You got a thousand bucks to make me wait?
00:19:44No
00:19:45Then see you inside, suckers
00:19:48Yo, you two aren't going anywhere
00:19:52No freshman boys
00:19:53Hey, King Kong Kong
00:19:55What about that girl?
00:19:57Dude, the ladies show their titties, man
00:19:59Hey, I'm gone
00:20:02A clown?
00:20:03Dude, it's a party
00:20:03Who doesn't like clowns?
00:20:08Dude, the world's most interesting man, really?
00:20:11Dude, that's the school principal
00:20:12Dean
00:20:12Don't give a shit what his name is
00:20:14Whoa, step back
00:20:16Get the fuck back
00:20:17Dude, you let those guys in?
00:20:25Dude, that's the gay mafia
00:20:26Dude, the gay fucking mafia
00:20:28Oh, damn
00:20:32Oh, dude, I got something for you
00:20:33Yeah?
00:20:36Oh, shizzards
00:20:37Well, I'll tell you what
00:20:39You're in
00:20:39But your boyfriend stays outside
00:20:42What?
00:20:42Come on, dude
00:20:43Yeah
00:20:43Dude
00:20:44Eskimo brothers
00:20:46Oh, dude
00:20:48You guys had sex with Jamie?
00:20:49Yeah
00:20:50Dude, that makes us Eskimo bros
00:20:51You know, guys that had sex with the same girl, dude
00:20:53Eskimo bros are even tighter than frat bros, man
00:20:55You're good
00:20:56Oh, Eskimo
00:20:56Get in, man
00:20:57Get in
00:20:58Oh
00:20:58Oh
00:20:59Oh
00:20:59Oh
00:21:00Oh
00:21:00Oh
00:21:01Oh
00:21:02Oh
00:21:03Oh
00:21:04Oh
00:21:05Oh
00:21:06Oh
00:21:06Oh
00:21:07Oh
00:21:07Oh
00:21:08Hey
00:21:09Dude, dude
00:21:12You didn't tell me you had sex with Jamie
00:21:14Oh, I didn't, bro
00:21:15But you just told everyone that you did
00:21:18Yeah
00:21:19It's called saving your ass
00:21:21Right, but now everyone's gonna think that you actually had sex with Jamie
00:21:25Oh, you mean people are gonna think I've had more sex than I've actually had
00:21:28Oh
00:21:29Right, but dude
00:21:33Now those people are gonna actually think that you slept with her
00:21:36And, you know, she might find out and feel
00:21:38Dude, talk to me after you've actually finger-banged a girl
00:21:42Right?
00:21:43We're at the best party of the year
00:21:45And I've only got two things to do
00:21:46One, take care of Cherry
00:21:49Two, make sure we get laid
00:21:51Oh my god, I see titties
00:21:52Later
00:21:53Here, let me fill that for you
00:22:01What?
00:22:03Unbelievable
00:22:04Um
00:22:05It's okay, I don't bite
00:22:07Uh, hi
00:22:08Um, I'm, I'm Phil
00:22:10Loosen up, Phil
00:22:12Sorry
00:22:13Oh god, you probably think I'm, uh
00:22:16A nervous freshman who probably doesn't know anybody here
00:22:20Yeah, actually
00:22:22Let me be the first to officially welcome you to the campus party scene
00:22:27Well, thank you
00:22:28You know, I, uh, I didn't really think there'd be anyone so cool to talk to
00:22:34Hey, do either one of you want to buy a white elephant tusk for really cheap?
00:22:37Either one of you, white elephant tusk, no?
00:22:39Nothing?
00:22:39White elephant tusk
00:22:40Hey, would you maybe, I don't know, want to head into the kitchen and talk for a little bit?
00:22:47Bro, what are you still doing here?
00:22:48It's like Boob Fest 3000 out there
00:22:50And I lost Cherry
00:22:52If I don't find her, I'm gonna get shit on and raped
00:22:54Shit raped, man!
00:22:56Dude, uh, I'm kind of right in the middle of talking to Polly here
00:22:59Dude, I need you now
00:23:01Okay, um, five minutes, the kitchen
00:23:06I'll be waiting
00:23:07Dude, that was Polly fucking Wallace
00:23:16And I'm not saying that just to emphasize a point
00:23:19Her nickname is fucking
00:23:21Polly fucking Wallace, bro, you're getting laid tonight
00:23:25What are you talking about, man?
00:23:26I'm not trying to get laid here
00:23:28That's what you think, dude
00:23:29She's a sure thing
00:23:30Watch
00:23:31Bro, dude
00:23:33I just have one question
00:23:35Who here is in my Eskimo now?
00:23:37Who's had sex with Polly Wallace?
00:23:40Yeah, I did
00:23:41Absolutely
00:23:42Oh, dude
00:23:45Even the Deans rocked it
00:23:47You're getting laid
00:23:48Dude, seriously, all we're doing is talking
00:23:51No way, bro
00:23:52She's cock crazy
00:23:54She's gonna get you drunk and ride you like a rodeo, brother
00:23:57Woo
00:23:58Now we're gonna go find Cherry
00:24:00Oh, but before that
00:24:02I am going to stick my penis in that nice little girl walking by
00:24:07Phil
00:24:07Cal
00:24:08What's up, guys?
00:24:09Hey, what's up, Hanson?
00:24:10Fuck off, Hanson
00:24:11We can't be seen with you here
00:24:12You're funny, guys
00:24:13See you later
00:24:14Dude, that was for the best
00:24:17Fuckin' Hanson is a nerdapaloozer, bro
00:24:20When chicks see him, they get dry
00:24:22Now come on
00:24:23Go fuckin' drain your nuts
00:24:25Dude, for the last time, I'm not gonna fuck Polly
00:24:27You need to fuck Polly Wallace
00:24:29Go do some talking with your dick
00:24:30Don't be a fag
00:24:31What?
00:24:33Did you say?
00:24:34Yeah, what did you say?
00:24:35Yeah, what did you say?
00:24:36Oh, damn
00:24:37Uh, I was just talking to my buddy Phil here, not you guys
00:24:40You think it's okay to say fag?
00:24:43You better not have been talking to me
00:24:45He didn't mean anything by it
00:24:46What exactly did he mean?
00:24:48Yeah, what did he mean?
00:24:49It's just a term of endearment
00:24:51Like when black people call each other the n-word
00:24:53And just what n-word would that be?
00:24:56Oh, yeah, say it
00:24:57I think he's saying that they're gay
00:25:02Yes
00:25:03We're gay
00:25:04Gay, gay, gay, gay
00:25:05You're gay, honey?
00:25:06You don't look gay
00:25:07I've been gay since 98
00:25:08Yeah, trust me, he is gay
00:25:11He's like my girlfriend
00:25:13And I'm the, you know
00:25:15Tweet, tweet
00:25:15The boyfriend
00:25:16Really?
00:25:18Uh-huh
00:25:18Then kiss him
00:25:20What?
00:25:20Kiss him
00:25:21What?
00:25:22Don't worry
00:25:23No, I, we don't do that in public
00:25:26I just had garlic, man
00:25:28Yeah
00:25:28Kiss him
00:25:29Kiss him
00:25:32Okay
00:25:36Okay
00:25:37Oh, he's a mess
00:25:44What?
00:25:46It works for me
00:25:47Oh, I told you faggots
00:25:50You made a cute couple
00:25:52I love homosexuals
00:25:55Dude, that was really scary, man
00:26:01You put your tongue in my mouth, dude
00:26:10Dude, what the hell was it supposed to?
00:26:12It was the gay mafia
00:26:13It had to look realistic
00:26:14I'll clean my life out
00:26:17Oh
00:26:18Hey
00:26:20Hey
00:26:24I've been waiting for you
00:26:25I've been waiting for you
00:26:39You okay?
00:26:42Yeah, no, I'm fine
00:26:43It's just I think I pounded that last drink a little bit too quickly
00:26:48I could really stand to get something in me right now
00:26:52Oh, my God
00:26:53I would love to get a little something in me too
00:26:56You know what sounds really, really good?
00:27:01Um, uh, what's that?
00:27:04Bacon
00:27:04I love bacon
00:27:07After that
00:27:12Everything pretty much went black
00:27:15I mean
00:27:16That's, that's all I really remember
00:27:20Yeah
00:27:21That's mostly right
00:27:23But I remember it more like this
00:27:26No, dude, I'm gonna stop you right there
00:27:46Cause that is not how shit went down
00:27:48Fine
00:27:49Dude
00:27:49I remember as much as you remember
00:27:51I mean
00:27:52Someone slipped something in our drinks
00:27:54Or some shit
00:27:55Well, dude, we gotta figure it out, alright?
00:27:57Because Beth's gonna be here
00:27:58Any minute
00:27:59And I need to know if I slept with Polly or not
00:28:02We know what happened, dude
00:28:03You laid the lumber
00:28:04I don't think so, man
00:28:06I think I'd remember sex
00:28:07We got dosed, man
00:28:09I don't even know where Cherry is
00:28:11I'm probably moments away
00:28:13From getting shit-raped
00:28:14And murdered by Mr. Tom
00:28:16I just, I need to know
00:28:18What happened last night for sure
00:28:20Oh, I get it, dude
00:28:23You don't want to get for the syphalo
00:28:25The syphilitis
00:28:26No
00:28:26Yo, Cal
00:28:28Yo, Eskimo
00:28:29Uh, yo
00:28:33Yo
00:28:34Hey, I heard you needed some help, man
00:28:37I brought Georgia here
00:28:38She's got like a
00:28:39Pornographic memory
00:28:41Photographic memory
00:28:42And there's no such thing
00:28:44See, pretty and smart, huh?
00:28:46Yeah, she's hot
00:28:48Hey, uh, have you guys seen a phone?
00:28:52No
00:28:52Jesus, what happened to your shoulder?
00:28:54Oh
00:28:54Look, don't worry about my shoulder, George
00:28:57Okay, here's the fucking scoop
00:28:59Phil
00:28:59His girlfriend's coming
00:29:00He woke up naked
00:29:02With no clothes
00:29:02In bed
00:29:03With Polly fucking Wallace
00:29:04Dude, you need a shot
00:29:06How's your dick?
00:29:07A little bit of itching?
00:29:08A little burning?
00:29:09Can I see it?
00:29:10No
00:29:10No
00:29:11Ma'am
00:29:12I don't feel comfortable
00:29:14Discussing my penis
00:29:16With someone I just met
00:29:17I told you, bro
00:29:18You don't need an expert
00:29:19You're already scratch-a-thon
00:29:20Dude, I don't need to scratch
00:29:22It's just because you keep putting that in my head
00:29:24Let's just get back to what happened, alright?
00:29:28Do you have any idea?
00:29:30Oh, man
00:29:30I don't remember much
00:29:31Because I was pretty trashed
00:29:33But, uh
00:29:33Here's what I remember
00:29:35It was, uh
00:29:37Me at the door
00:29:38And wall-to-wall bitches
00:29:39Every single one of them
00:29:40I love you, beef
00:29:44Well, a lot of ladies do
00:29:46Just go ahead and wait inside
00:29:47And stand in line with the rest of them
00:29:49I'd wait all night if I had to
00:29:52I'm sure you would
00:29:53You sexy beast
00:29:54Yo, you two can't come in
00:29:57Sorry
00:30:02These two ass monkeys are with me
00:30:04Hey
00:30:05Who's the hottie?
00:30:06Aw, thanks, handsome
00:30:08Bye, boys
00:30:11But, but
00:30:13I thought she was
00:30:14Good
00:30:14Wait
00:30:15You thought
00:30:16You thought she was with you?
00:30:17Well, you know
00:30:18Once, like
00:30:19A long time ago
00:30:20No, dude
00:30:21It just means that
00:30:22You're in my Eskimo network
00:30:23You know
00:30:24Two guys would have banged the same girl
00:30:25Man, it's all good
00:30:26Yeah, dude
00:30:27Alright
00:30:27Woo
00:30:28Glenn
00:30:30Glenn
00:30:32Huh?
00:30:33He tastes like beef jerky
00:30:34I do
00:30:35Glenn!
00:30:38What?
00:30:39Wait, I love you
00:30:40I love you
00:30:41Okay
00:30:42Glenn, come here, man
00:30:46Hmm?
00:30:53Bang
00:30:53Who's that?
00:30:54I don't know who that was
00:30:55Oh, man
00:30:56Well, dude
00:30:56You up for a game of basketball?
00:30:58You know it, Roseph
00:30:59The hell's yeah
00:31:00Hey, Derek
00:31:00Yo
00:31:01Come watch the door, man
00:31:02I'll be back in 10
00:31:03Hell yeah
00:31:04Pussy Central
00:31:06You're cute
00:31:07You're cute
00:31:11And you're just the right amount of drunk
00:31:14Hey, Glenn
00:31:21Get those M&Ms, man
00:31:22Hey, I got this for you
00:31:42What?
00:31:43Just drink it
00:31:44I bet, mister, you couldn't chug the whole thing in under five seconds
00:31:47Don't make me Pam
00:31:48Drink your beef
00:31:50Oh, wow
00:31:52Hope you got that for your stupid movie
00:31:59I did
00:32:01Oh, my God
00:32:07You have such amazing eyes
00:32:09My tits are down here, asshole
00:32:12Motherf...
00:32:15Hey, babe
00:32:17It's me
00:32:18Uh, so
00:32:19I got the wedding colors picked out already
00:32:22I think I'm gonna pick lavender and white
00:32:24Because, you know, those are my favorite colors
00:32:26Uh, let me know what you think
00:32:28Bye
00:32:31Hey, man, what's up, babe?
00:32:36Hey, give us some of that candy, man
00:32:38I can't, man
00:32:39I gotta use it for something
00:32:40Use it?
00:32:40What the fuck?
00:32:41Hey, man
00:32:42It's your sum of that candy
00:32:44Yeah
00:32:44Dude, this isn't Castle Blanket, man
00:32:47Stop Bogart the goddamn candy and passing out, man
00:32:50Hey
00:32:50You wanna get high?
00:32:53Hell, man
00:32:54There's a priest molest a little boy
00:32:56Hell, yeah
00:32:56Hey, give me some candy
00:32:57Yeah, man
00:32:59Candy
00:33:00You know about the stereotypes?
00:33:18You know how that one where black guys only like fat white chicks?
00:33:22What if black guys don't really like fat white chicks?
00:33:25Do they like frozen snicker bars?
00:33:27And fat white chicks always has frozen snicker bars?
00:33:33That shit is racist, man
00:33:34Hey, man
00:33:35You're a fucking racist, motherfucker
00:33:37Hey, come on
00:33:38What did you get on your SAT?
00:33:39I know, man
00:33:40Barbecue sauce
00:33:42Uh, there she is
00:33:47Fuck you, asshole face
00:33:51Oh, wow
00:33:51And I want my abortion money
00:33:53Tonight
00:33:53Oh, God
00:33:54That asshole face
00:33:56Yo, man
00:33:56I never went inside her, man
00:33:58I went in her eyes
00:33:59She probably didn't see that comment
00:34:02What happened?
00:34:07Hey, man
00:34:07Who listens to music at a party, dude?
00:34:10Hey, man
00:34:10Give me more candy
00:34:11I can't, man
00:34:11I need it for something, man
00:34:13Come on, Glenn
00:34:13Let's get out of here
00:34:14Get in your little pud whacker
00:34:15Thanks for the weed, guys
00:34:16All right, stereotypical white kid
00:34:18Hold on, man
00:34:22Hold on, hold on
00:34:23All jokes aside, man
00:34:24Where the fuck is our bong?
00:34:26Oh, shit
00:34:27Where's our bong, man?
00:34:28It disappeared
00:34:29Do you guys want to buy this bong for $50?
00:34:36Oh
00:34:36Yeah, yeah
00:34:37We'll buy it, man
00:34:38Awesome
00:34:38I got $60 right here
00:34:41Thank you
00:34:43Can I get my change, please?
00:34:45I don't do change
00:34:46I'm so sorry
00:34:46It's just like our own one
00:34:49Oh, my God
00:34:52Tiffany
00:34:52My name's not Tiffany
00:34:54It's Cherry, you bitch
00:34:56Open your face
00:35:02Die, dog, die
00:35:06I think it's broken
00:35:08This is a decimal right here
00:35:12Hey, Phil
00:35:19It's me again
00:35:21So
00:35:21I was thinking
00:35:22We should go out
00:35:23To a really nice restaurant tomorrow
00:35:25And I think it'd be really cool
00:35:26If you proposed to me again
00:35:28In front of everyone
00:35:29Doesn't that sound awesome?
00:35:31Okay, call me back, babe
00:35:32Mwah
00:35:32So
00:35:35My doctor strongly advised
00:35:37That I should get my penis reduction sooner
00:35:39Rather than later
00:35:40Yeah
00:35:40I'm important
00:35:42What's your name?
00:35:44Alar
00:35:44Alar
00:35:45I'm Cal
00:35:47Hi
00:35:49Guess what?
00:35:54We should really get you out of these wet clothes
00:36:00You know what?
00:36:05I bet your dad was a thief
00:36:07Because he stole the stars from the skies
00:36:10And put them in your eyes
00:36:11My daddy was shot
00:36:12And killed
00:36:14While stealing from a jewelry store
00:36:16You
00:36:17Asshole
00:36:18What the?
00:36:22Is everyone okay up there?
00:36:27She shot a dog
00:36:28Oh, it's not my first
00:36:29Is it still alive?
00:36:30Oh, yeah
00:36:31It's still moving
00:36:32How about now?
00:36:34Yeah, that did it
00:36:35It's dead
00:36:36Put the bottle down, man
00:36:39I know, Mara
00:36:40Hey
00:36:40Why don't we go do a tarot reading?
00:36:42I'll charge you, but
00:36:43You know what a braiding it is
00:36:45To come to a party
00:36:46Where you're hired as a clown
00:36:48And find your ex-girlfriend
00:36:50Here with someone?
00:36:51You cheated on me
00:36:52Multiple times
00:36:54With the moms
00:36:55From your birthday party games
00:36:57Back off, man
00:36:59Oh, my God
00:37:03My hero
00:37:05I am gonna take such good care of you
00:37:10Now somebody get that clown the hell out of here
00:37:14So, that was weird
00:37:20I thought it was pretty cool what he did
00:37:22Well, I mean, I totally could have kicked that clown
00:37:25But, you know, a fellow at the search under control
00:37:27Hmm, my sorority sisters are waiting for me upstairs
00:37:30Let's go
00:37:30Oh, hell yeah
00:37:32I really want to screw that guy
00:37:34Me, too
00:37:36Okay, well, your lifeline is very short
00:37:45But there's nothing I can really do about that, alright?
00:37:47Um, do you have any other questions?
00:37:50Um, what about my love life?
00:37:52Love life?
00:37:53Okay, well
00:37:54I hate to tell you this
00:37:55But your boyfriend is fucking everybody
00:37:57Everybody
00:37:57What?
00:37:58He fucks everything with a vagina
00:37:59I know
00:38:00It's terrible
00:38:01Are you kidding me?
00:38:02He's supposed to be a Bible study
00:38:04Bible study?
00:38:05No, he is not a Bible study
00:38:07No, no
00:38:07You know what I would do if I were you?
00:38:09I would find the ugliest, most repulsive-looking person at this party
00:38:13And screw him
00:38:14Thank you
00:38:16I will
00:38:17Is this marijuana you're smoking?
00:38:24Is this marijuana you're smoking?
00:38:26Yes
00:38:27Why?
00:38:28I'm not comfortable with you smoking drugs around us
00:38:32Okay
00:38:32Come here
00:38:33Closer
00:38:34Say please
00:38:37Please
00:38:38All right, why don't we all move on to the Ouija board?
00:38:48Okay?
00:38:49This is not what I was expecting
00:38:50Oh!
00:38:53Ooh
00:38:53Rusty coke pipes?
00:38:56That means it's time to switch to heroin, everybody
00:38:58Take over
00:38:59I'm gonna go find a bathroom
00:39:01Jamie, hi!
00:39:06Jamie?
00:39:07Is that what Sherry's got you guys playing with the dark arts, huh?
00:39:11Mm-hmm
00:39:11We're gonna Ouija
00:39:12Actually, I have a question
00:39:14Um
00:39:15Will I have sex with Helene?
00:39:19Yes, I will!
00:39:20You did that, totally
00:39:22No, no, that wasn't me
00:39:23Um, here, let me try again
00:39:25Will I have sex with Marilyn?
00:39:28Yes, I will!
00:39:30You did that
00:39:30No, I swear it wasn't me
00:39:32That wasn't me
00:39:33Um
00:39:34Will I have sex with Jamie?
00:39:38No
00:39:38Uh, will I have a threesome with
00:39:41Helene and Marilyn?
00:39:43Yes, I will!
00:39:46Oh, wow!
00:39:47Oh my god, I think it actually moved that time
00:39:49You guys know that whatever the Ouija board says you have to do
00:39:52No matter how freaky or kinky or gross
00:39:56You have to do it
00:39:57It's like a thing
00:39:58Like a mall
00:39:59It's true
00:39:59Oh my god, really?
00:40:01Yeah
00:40:01I guess we have to do it then
00:40:03Sounds like we should get a room
00:40:05Let's go
00:40:06All right, I'm gonna find a sermon
00:40:23Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex
00:40:29You know
00:40:30If my boyfriend thinks that he's the only one who needs him
00:40:36I'll show him
00:40:39Yes
00:40:39Oh, I can't believe this is actually happening
00:40:46Well, it sure is, Keenan
00:40:47Let's go
00:40:48Oh
00:40:48Stop
00:40:49Ow
00:40:49Oh, this isn't working
00:40:52Move over
00:40:53Yes
00:40:54Get up, these pets, fellas
00:40:55All right
00:40:56Now lift up a little so I can pull your pants off
00:40:58Oh, shit
00:40:59Red alert, red alert
00:41:02Oh, shit
00:41:03I'm sorry
00:41:04I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:41:05Let me get a positive and a cow
00:41:07We'll try over again
00:41:08Oh, fuck
00:41:09Fuck
00:41:10Please
00:41:12Give me your condom
00:41:13There's a drunk chick in there
00:41:15I'm willing to testify that she was sober
00:41:17Dude, I don't use condoms, man
00:41:19Go check the bathroom
00:41:21Okay, okay
00:41:21Oh, I will find us a room
00:41:26Let's go
00:41:26Oh, this so works
00:41:34Hold on
00:41:35Oh
00:41:37Ladies, hold on
00:41:44Dude
00:41:45Hey, what the fuck
00:41:46That's taking a shit, man
00:41:48Come on
00:41:49Who shits at the door open?
00:41:51Okay
00:41:51Ladies, hold on
00:41:53Hold on
00:41:54Oh
00:41:55Oh, my God
00:41:58I swear I will find us a room
00:42:00I need you now
00:42:02With fucking stats
00:42:03Oh, wait
00:42:05Come on
00:42:10Get in here
00:42:11What?
00:42:12What?
00:42:13Oh, dude
00:42:14Thanks for sharing, man
00:42:15Sharing?
00:42:16Don't you know who the fuck this is?
00:42:18This is Mr. Tom's wife
00:42:19Oh
00:42:20Fuck, dude
00:42:21I don't want anything to do with this shit, man
00:42:23It's too late, bro
00:42:24I'm supposed to be watching her
00:42:26Mr. Tom's gonna be here any minute
00:42:27If she dies
00:42:28I die
00:42:29And then bonus
00:42:30I get shit raped
00:42:31Oh, fuck you, dude
00:42:33You keep this bitch alive
00:42:34If I see Mr. Tom, I'll distract him
00:42:36Fake-ass Eskimo, brother
00:42:38Fuck
00:42:39Oh, man
00:42:42God damn it
00:42:44Mr. B is on the move
00:42:46Mike
00:42:48Later with that
00:42:49Oh, my God
00:42:52You're Mr. Belding from Saved by the Bell
00:42:54Well, actually, my name is Dennis Haskins
00:42:56But I did play Mr. Belding
00:42:57Yeah, I know
00:42:58I know
00:42:58You're like my hero
00:42:59I got this
00:43:00I need some advice
00:43:02Okay, shoot
00:43:03All right
00:43:03I'm really drunk right now
00:43:06And inside the bathroom
00:43:07Is a drug dealer's wife
00:43:08Mr. Tom's wife is in there
00:43:10She may have overdosed
00:43:11And she may be dead
00:43:11What do I do?
00:43:14Got a beeper?
00:43:16No
00:43:16Rotary dial phone
00:43:17No
00:43:18VCR
00:43:20VHS
00:43:21Maybe floppy diff
00:43:228-track
00:43:22Zach phone
00:43:24Pencil
00:43:24Paperclip
00:43:25Help me out here
00:43:26No, this isn't the 90s, bro
00:43:27I don't have any of that stuff
00:43:29Well
00:43:29Looks like you're in quite a predicament
00:43:32And I'm not going to be able to help you
00:43:33I don't know
00:43:34You think you know what, though?
00:43:39I suggest that you drink this really fast
00:43:42And then pass out
00:43:43Yeah
00:43:46Thanks, Mr. Belding
00:43:50I mean, Dennis
00:43:51And that's all I remember
00:44:09Dude, Mr. Belding
00:44:11Was not there
00:44:12No Mr. Belding
00:44:14No Zach Morks
00:44:15No Jesse Spano, bro
00:44:16Dude, that's all I remember, man
00:44:18Except waking up next to this angel
00:44:20You know I prefer Tinkerbell, baby
00:44:22All right, guys
00:44:23Listen
00:44:24Me
00:44:24Polly
00:44:25No memory
00:44:27Girlfriend coming to town
00:44:28Can we please just stay on track?
00:44:31Hey, ho
00:44:32Pick up your phone
00:44:33I want you to know
00:44:34Oh
00:44:34Dude, bra man
00:44:37What's up, dude?
00:44:38Hey, dude
00:44:39I'm here with Cal and Phil, man
00:44:41You remember Mexican Jonah Hill
00:44:43And Neil Patrick Harris?
00:44:45No, dude
00:44:45He looks like walking HIV, dude
00:44:47I was thinking, man
00:44:48Man, he's either in the mood
00:44:50Philadelphia
00:44:50Or we need to go to the hospital
00:44:52Right now, you know?
00:44:53Yeah, dude
00:44:54You remember me, right, bra man?
00:44:56I'm the one
00:44:57You kept calling Chia Pet
00:44:58Wait, no
00:45:00You're the one that looks like
00:45:01A gigantic frijole
00:45:02With an afro, bro, right?
00:45:04Yeah, that's me
00:45:05Holy fucking shit
00:45:06Oh, man
00:45:07I totally remember
00:45:08Those guys, man
00:45:09We were at the party, dude
00:45:10And it's like
00:45:11It was a complete titfest, dude
00:45:13And we were getting hot
00:45:14And these extreme astrophysical effects
00:45:17Can lead to short bursts of fusion
00:45:19And that's my first lesson
00:45:21In fusion science
00:45:22Oh, my God
00:45:25You are the smartest man ever
00:45:28Thank you
00:45:28And the sexiest
00:45:30Yeah, I am
00:45:31Hey, you're my greatest customer ever
00:45:34I never do this
00:45:35But here's a rebate check
00:45:36For $20,000
00:45:38And I also want to give you
00:45:41These beautiful ladies
00:45:42Bro, man
00:45:49You're the coolest man
00:45:50In our solar system
00:45:51Yeah, bro, man
00:45:52You're beautiful inside
00:45:53And out
00:45:54I sure am
00:45:56Yeah, so
00:46:09That's all I remember, man
00:46:10Dude, that is not
00:46:12How anything happened
00:46:13Are you fucking kidding me?
00:46:15This guy probably
00:46:15Can't even drive straight
00:46:16Fuck you, man
00:46:18I'm not an idiot
00:46:18I'm Asian, dude
00:46:19And I'm smarter than you, man
00:46:21Fuck you
00:46:21And your fucking
00:46:22Overcut beetles haircut
00:46:23Hey, man
00:46:24Fuck you
00:46:24You walking
00:46:25Big brown piece of shit, man
00:46:26I know you're a kusa, bro
00:46:28Oh, shit
00:46:29Motherfucker
00:46:31Fuck
00:46:32Talk to me like that, man
00:46:34Well, it sounds like you're fucked
00:46:36Or at least you were last night
00:46:38Get thee to a healer
00:46:40Before the burning starts, man
00:46:42Jamie
00:46:43Mr. Cute Outfit
00:46:45Oh, scribble dibble
00:46:48You guys see a video camera?
00:46:51I can't find it
00:46:53No, I haven't seen it
00:46:54But have you seen a phone by chance?
00:46:57You shitstain
00:46:58I told you to stay out of trouble
00:47:00One party
00:47:00And you need your mama to come here
00:47:02And wipe your asses?
00:47:03Me, me, me, me, me, me
00:47:04Jamie
00:47:04Just please
00:47:06Tell us what happened
00:47:07Okay
00:47:08I'll tell you what happened
00:47:10First your daddy forgot to pull out
00:47:12Then he dropped down your fucking head
00:47:14A couple of times
00:47:15And then he forgot to teach you
00:47:16How to man up
00:47:17And drink a beer
00:47:18And now I have to come here
00:47:19And clean up this entire mess
00:47:21So Phil's girlfriend
00:47:22Will leave everyone on campus
00:47:23The fuck alone
00:47:24Beth?
00:47:25Is she here?
00:47:27Apparently she's already torn up
00:47:28The entire dorm's looking for you
00:47:30Now I am fucked
00:47:32Fucked
00:47:33What's the problem?
00:47:35Well, according to beef over there
00:47:37Phil stuck his dick in a VD cocktail last night
00:47:41Beef
00:47:42Beef
00:47:43Needle Dick the bug fucker
00:47:46Was completely fucking trashed last night
00:47:48Hey, so were you
00:47:50I was with meester all night
00:47:51And we were only half trash
00:47:52So together we can totally piece together the real deal
00:47:55It's true
00:47:56So, Helen, Keller
00:47:58Need a braille book?
00:47:59What the fuck happened?
00:47:59Yeah
00:48:00This is how shit went down
00:48:02I showed up at the party
00:48:04Looking insanely gorgeous
00:48:06I mean, seriously
00:48:07Jamie, Jamie
00:48:09You two perks wait here for one second
00:48:12Did you get the stuff?
00:48:18Yeah, sure
00:48:19Not that you fucked with the money
00:48:21Oh, yeah, yeah, sure thing
00:48:23Whoa, we're with Jamie, bro
00:48:24Thanks
00:48:24Hold on, I'll be right back
00:48:26Okay, see you inside
00:48:27Okay
00:48:27Beef, let my friends in
00:48:32Oh, Jamie, these guys are with you?
00:48:35I didn't know that
00:48:36Of course they're welcome
00:48:37Of course they're welcome
00:48:37You're the best
00:48:38You guys, try not to get your asses kicked
00:48:42Just try
00:48:43Thought you knew we're with Jamie
00:48:48Owie, ow
00:48:49Jamie
00:48:50Ha, ha, ha, ha
00:48:56Woo, oh, let me die
00:48:58Woo, oh, let me die
00:49:03Woo
00:49:05Woo
00:49:07Woo
00:49:08Woo
00:49:11Woo
00:49:13Woo
00:49:13Woo
00:49:15Woo
00:49:17Woo
00:49:17Woo
00:54:09Sous-titrage Société Radio-Canada
00:54:39Jamey!
00:54:41Jamey!
00:54:43Don't forget to pull out there, buddy.
00:54:45Jamey?
00:54:47Jamey?
00:54:49Jamey?
00:54:51Jamey?
00:54:53Jamey?
00:54:55Jamey?
00:54:57Jamey?
00:54:59Jamey?
00:55:01Jamey?
00:55:03Jamey?
00:55:05Jamey?
00:55:07Jamey?
00:55:09Jamey?
00:55:11Where's Mr. Tom?
00:55:13I'm right here, Jamey.
00:55:15Look who had it now, bitches! A fucking crossbow!
00:55:17Mr. Tom? Oh, shit.
00:55:19Cow! My friend!
00:55:21Where's my wife?
00:55:23She's dead. Tired.
00:55:25She's fine, man!
00:55:27She was talking how much she loves you. You go to, like, the best couple.
00:55:29You're a good man.
00:55:31How are you, Jamey?
00:55:33I'm good, man. I see you still got monkey boy.
00:55:35I do. Hi, Chiba.
00:55:37You didn't teach him English?
00:55:39Well, it's time to teach English, right?
00:55:41You got my stuff.
00:55:43Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got my money?
00:55:45Yes. I'd like to see the stuff first.
00:55:47Ah. I want to see the money.
00:55:51Where the fuck am I?
00:55:53Tom?
00:55:55Oh, yeah.
00:55:57I was dead for a minute, but now I'm alive.
00:55:59Hi, Chiba. Why are you pointing at Tom?
00:56:03No! Bad boy!
00:56:05Jerry, back off.
00:56:06I will fucking kill you!
00:56:07Now, Mr. Chiba, Mr. Tom is my friend.
00:56:09Put it down or else...
00:56:10Or else what?
00:56:11You shoot me with a bow and arrow?
00:56:13It's a compound crossbow.
00:56:15I got this, Cal.
00:56:16Put down the crossbow, Cal.
00:56:18The arrow's just gonna piss him off even more.
00:56:20Drop the gun, Chiba.
00:56:23Yeah, Ms. Cal is one of us.
00:56:25He's gay. I almost had sex with him.
00:56:27You're kind of gay?
00:56:28All right, back up. Everybody, right now.
00:56:31Put it down, Chiba. I'm in love with her.
00:56:34You're in love with me?
00:56:35Oh, my God. That is so fucking sweet, baby.
00:56:37He's bisexual?
00:56:38Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
00:56:41Put it down or I will shoot you and shitrape your body, dude, and the count of three!
00:56:46Ooh, shitrape.
00:56:50One!
00:56:51I got this, Cal.
00:56:52I got this!
00:56:53Ooh!
00:56:54No, no, no!
00:56:55Nobody's shitrape made anybody!
00:56:56Free!
00:57:02Come on!
00:57:03How are we good?
00:57:04Are you kidding me?
00:57:06Shitrape, really?
00:57:07I know! What the fuck are these shitrape?
00:57:09Get over here!
00:57:14I'm glad you didn't shoot me.
00:57:15I know, me too, right?
00:57:17Jesus.
00:57:18Fucking Dean!
00:57:19Hey, bro.
00:57:20I left you at the Statue of Liberty, man.
00:57:21How'd you get down here?
00:57:22I used a balloon.
00:57:23Did you?
00:57:24I fucking love you, bitch!
00:57:26Fucking love you, too, bitch.
00:57:28Yeah.
00:57:30Hey, we good?
00:57:32Yeah, we're good.
00:57:34This?
00:57:35It's filled with appletini.
00:57:38Hey, you guys.
00:57:39Who here wants to be my fan?!
00:57:42And then, Cal, you tried to kiss me, and then you passed out.
00:57:58So I made sure you weren't bleeding, and then I went home.
00:58:01I can't believe it.
00:58:02I'm just so embarrassed.
00:58:03Oh!
00:58:04That shit is wrong!
00:58:05You made me drink your period!
00:58:06Scribble Dibble!
00:58:07No, not Scribble Dibble, man!
00:58:08Fuck is Scribble Dibble, man!
00:58:09Did anyone see my dog?
00:58:10It's weird.
00:58:11Bob.
00:58:12Bob.
00:58:13And then, I went home to Google to see if there was a way that you could live with an arrow
00:58:29in your shoulder, or if we had to put you down.
00:58:32Well, what'd you find out, doctor?
00:58:34Well, I found out that all I have to do is take it nice and hard and rip it out.
00:58:42Oh!
00:58:43Oh!
00:58:44God!
00:58:45That's smart.
00:58:46That was like some American Indian type shit.
00:58:49Oh!
00:58:50That was like warm with the earth.
00:58:52Like, you fucking made me drink your menses.
00:58:55Seriously, what is with all this menses talk?
00:58:57Is this like a 1950s paper doll sex ed class?
00:59:01And honestly, Beef, you deserve it.
00:59:04That's what you get for telling everybody that we fucked.
00:59:08Okay, so, somebody, Scooby Doomy, who the hell frickin' juiced us?
00:59:13It's Cherry.
00:59:14She said she doesn't like to be babysat.
00:59:16Listen, guys, we're getting off point here, alright?
00:59:19We've figured out everything except for whether or not I slept with Polly.
00:59:23So, what are you worried about?
00:59:26I don't know how to find out whether or not I actually slept with her, okay?
00:59:31And I need to figure it out before my girlfriend's soon-to-be fiance gets here.
00:59:35You couldn't...
00:59:36Why don't you just ask her?
00:59:38I don't know.
00:59:40That's weird.
00:59:41You can't just do that, Bob.
00:59:43You want me to ask her?
00:59:44No, no, no.
00:59:45Thank you, man, but...
00:59:46Alright, I respect you.
00:59:47Yeah, yeah.
00:59:48Polly.
00:59:49What are you doing?
00:59:50Yeah.
00:59:51No, no, no.
00:59:52Can you come in here?
00:59:53Yeah.
00:59:54Hey.
00:59:55Everybody.
00:59:56What is this?
00:59:57Some kind of extended after-party?
00:59:58Phil here partied hard last night.
01:00:03And he's wondering if he partied hard inside of you.
01:00:21Phil?
01:00:22Polly, I'm sorry, okay?
01:00:24I just...
01:00:25I wanted to know what happened.
01:00:27Well, first off, Bob, your dog Molly is dead.
01:00:34I'm really sorry.
01:00:36Oh, thank God.
01:00:39Oh, thank God.
01:00:40I gotta tell you.
01:00:41I mean, she had cancer really bad.
01:00:43Cancer of her ovaries.
01:00:45Oh.
01:00:46Well, I didn't even know the dog had ovaries.
01:00:48Me neither.
01:00:49So, I'm glad she went peacefully.
01:00:53Well, here's what happened.
01:00:56We were all standing around the beer pong table in the living room.
01:01:00And my ex, Dave, had just shown up and eaten this.
01:01:04Nope.
01:01:07Woo!
01:01:09Wait!
01:01:10Why would you mess with girls?
01:01:11Who else wants to lose their money?
01:01:13Polly!
01:01:14Polly, you broke my heart!
01:01:17We need to talk!
01:01:19Back off, clown!
01:01:20They're with me!
01:01:21This is between me and her!
01:01:24Oh, yeah?
01:01:25Is everyone okay up there?
01:01:29Yeah, but you shot a dog!
01:01:31Oh, my God.
01:01:32I love dogs!
01:01:34Oh, my God!
01:01:36Oh, my God!
01:01:38Oh, my God, I'm sorry, man.
01:01:40Oh, fuck.
01:01:42Oh, my God, sorry.
01:01:43Bro, dude, you really whacked the shit outta that guy!
01:01:46C'est parti !
01:01:47J'ai pas envie de faire ça !
01:01:49Tu peux me faire une fave à la maison ?
01:01:51Je vais me faire une fave à la maison,
01:01:53et j'espère qu'il trouve ses pants !
01:01:54Oui, absolument !
01:01:55Hey, Glenn !
01:01:56Ouais !
01:02:03Il s'amplique !
01:02:04Il s'amplique !
01:02:05Il s'amplique !
01:02:06Il s'amplique !
01:02:07Il s'amplique, c'est bon ?
01:02:08Oui, je suis OK, Hanson !
01:02:10Mais, tu peux me faire une fave à la maison ?
01:02:12Il s'amplique !
01:02:13Il s'amplique !
01:02:15By the way,
01:02:16I want to introduce you to Rachel.
01:02:18She's my...
01:02:19I'm his new girlfriend !
01:02:20Oh !
01:02:21Oh !
01:02:22She's a contortionist !
01:02:23I'm a contortionist !
01:02:25You wanna see me do the pretzel ?
01:02:27I do !
01:02:28I do, I do !
01:02:30Oh !
01:02:31Are you OK ?
01:02:33Oh !
01:02:34I just feel...
01:02:35I feel a little...
01:02:37Oh !
01:02:38Oh !
01:02:39Oh my God !
01:02:40OK, come with me !
01:02:42I'm gonna take care of you, OK ?
01:02:43Thanks !
01:02:45Why is it going straight to voicemail, Fel ?
01:02:47Call me back now !
01:02:49Look, Dave's an OK guy.
01:02:51He's just...
01:02:52a little...
01:02:53confused.
01:02:54Yeah, I think we all are.
01:02:56Yeah, I think you're right.
01:02:59I...
01:03:00I'm...
01:03:01I'm...
01:03:02I'm sorry !
01:03:03I'm sorry !
01:03:04Oh God !
01:03:05It's OK !
01:03:06It's just that, you know...
01:03:07I thought you had a girlfriend !
01:03:08Oh God !
01:03:09Beth !
01:03:10I'm just...
01:03:11I proposed to her !
01:03:12And...
01:03:13And...
01:03:14And...
01:03:15She's coming here...
01:03:16Tomorrow !
01:03:17So...
01:03:18Why aren't you sure ?
01:03:19It seems like it's the only thing that's really gonna make her happy !
01:03:21Does it make you happy ?
01:03:22I don't think it does !
01:03:23You know...
01:03:24You know...
01:03:25You should never settle...
01:03:26In your life, Phil !
01:03:27Oh God !
01:03:28Look, if...
01:03:29If you ever wanna talk about anything...
01:03:31You know...
01:03:32It might be...
01:03:33Oh !
01:03:34Oh !
01:03:35Oh !
01:03:36Oh !
01:03:37Oh !
01:03:38Oh !
01:03:39Oh !
01:03:40Oh !
01:03:41Oh !
01:03:42Oh !
01:03:43Oh !
01:03:44Oh !
01:03:45Oh !
01:03:46Oh !
01:03:47Oh !
01:03:48Oh !
01:03:49Oh !
01:03:50Oh !
01:03:51Oh !
01:03:52Oh !
01:03:53Oh !
01:03:54Oh !
01:03:55Oh !
01:03:56Oh !
01:03:57Oh.
01:03:59Oh.
01:04:01You done?
01:04:05I think so.
01:04:07Oh.
01:04:09Oh, God, I'm devastated.
01:04:13Oh, God.
01:04:15Why?
01:04:17Because you farted in front of me?
01:04:19Hey, look.
01:04:21Look, ready?
01:04:23See?
01:04:25I did it, too.
01:04:27It's no biggie.
01:04:29Oh, okay, mister.
01:04:31It's time to get you cleaned up and into bed.
01:04:33You are not in good shape.
01:04:35Okay.
01:04:37Up, up, up. All right.
01:04:39Oh, God.
01:04:47Oh, bro.
01:04:49Yeah.
01:04:51Come on.
01:04:53Okay, yep. Oh, God.
01:04:55Okay. All right.
01:04:57Okay.
01:04:58Oh.
01:04:59Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:05:00You know what?
01:05:01Why don't we just do it under the covers instead?
01:05:03Okay.
01:05:04Okay.
01:05:12Thank you.
01:05:13Oh.
01:05:14Hannah Gross.
01:05:15Okay, um, listen, I'm gonna be right back.
01:05:17Just stay here, okay?
01:05:19All right.
01:05:21Phillip, you're supposed to be worshipping me.
01:05:23I'm supposed to be your God.
01:05:25The only one above me is Jesus.
01:05:27You need to call your future wife back right now.
01:05:31What the fuck is wrong with you?
01:05:35Hey.
01:05:36Hey.
01:05:37I've got a shirt, pants, and underwear with vomit on them.
01:05:40You wanna help me out?
01:05:41You wanna wash them?
01:05:42You wanna wash them?
01:05:43Yeah.
01:05:44I don't know any longer than this.
01:05:46You're in it.
01:05:47Oh, fuck.
01:05:50I thought that was a robot.
01:05:52Didn't that look like a robot?
01:05:53A little bit.
01:05:54A little bit.
01:05:55All right.
01:05:56Well, cool.
01:05:57I'm about to do a load of pukey pants myself.
01:05:59Thank you.
01:06:00Yeah.
01:06:01Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go to Jupiter.
01:06:09I don't wanna fuck, man.
01:06:13It's like fucking skunk shit.
01:06:16All right, look.
01:06:18I'll see you later.
01:06:19Oh.
01:06:20I don't know why that's funny.
01:06:22What the fuck is this, man?
01:06:25This is fucking crack.
01:06:28Fuck, I'm gonna be fucking paranoid.
01:06:33Hi.
01:06:34Hi.
01:06:35Listen, your clothes are in the wash, all right?
01:06:37They'll be ready in the morning.
01:06:38Thank you.
01:06:41What are you doing?
01:06:42I'm gonna lay down next to you so you don't choke on your own vomit in the middle of the night.
01:06:47Why are you...
01:06:49You think I'm gonna let you blow chunks on my clothes, too?
01:06:51But listen, no funny business.
01:06:54If you try anything, I'm going to punch you square in the nuts, and then I'm not gonna be your friend anymore.
01:07:00Okay?
01:07:02Can you move?
01:07:06Okay.
01:07:07Hey, could you turn off the light?
01:07:13That's pretty much what happened.
01:07:14See, dude? I told you. I knew I did not have sex.
01:07:16Okay, you don't have to sound so excited about it.
01:07:20Well, he was just concerned that he'd get a case of the crotch rot because, you know...
01:07:21Because of what?
01:07:22Well, you're what the kids call today, you know, a trollop.
01:07:23Damn.
01:07:24You know, a hussy.
01:07:25You're a slut.
01:07:26You know, all the guys on this campus just love to talk about how much sex you've all had.
01:07:29Guilty. Guilty, guilty, for sure.
01:07:30Indeed.
01:07:31Yeah.
01:07:32Wait, so, Polly...
01:07:33C'est bon, c'est bon, c'est bon.
01:08:03Not that it's any of your goddamn business, but no, I haven't had sex with anyone on this campus.
01:08:09A couple of years ago, I went off to band camp, and this guy there liked me, but this girl liked him.
01:08:20So she started a rumor saying that I was a big old slut.
01:08:25Polly's the cleanest chick on campus.
01:08:28Spick and span.
01:08:30You can eat off her vagina.
01:08:32Thank you, Bob.
01:08:33Polly, I'm sorry.
01:08:36Um, listen, I...
01:08:40Oh, I got it, I got it.
01:08:42I wanted to ask you if, I don't know, um, maybe we can start over.
01:08:48Oh, my God.
01:08:49I've been looking all over for you.
01:08:53Beth.
01:08:53You.
01:08:54You.
01:08:55Polly fucking Wallace.
01:08:57Bitch, breath, backdoor, Beth.
01:08:59Wait a second, you two know each other?
01:09:02I cannot believe, Phil, that your girlfriend is backdoor Beth.
01:09:06Phil, Jesus doesn't want us to be here.
01:09:08Let's go.
01:09:09This is the bitch from band camp.
01:09:12We all called her backdoor Beth.
01:09:14Want to know why?
01:09:16Why?
01:09:18She didn't even wait for orientation to end before her back end was open for business.
01:09:24No, I said in my butt only.
01:09:29Oh, it's up.
01:09:32Oh, yeah.
01:09:33Keep going.
01:09:34Oh, no, it's my first time in the butt with a black guy.
01:09:36It's great.
01:09:37Excuse me, hold on.
01:09:38Um, do you need something?
01:09:40Hurry up, bro.
01:09:41Polly, what the fuck do you ever knock, you dumb bitch?
01:09:48You're gonna join us?
01:09:49No.
01:09:50Get the fuck out.
01:09:51What's wrong with you?
01:09:52I said leave.
01:09:53So are you like born with a penis?
01:09:55No, it's just a really big clit.
01:09:57You get the fuck out.
01:09:59It was crazy.
01:10:01That summer, she had more dongs in her ass than a Chinese phone book.
01:10:07Oh, wow, damn.
01:10:09It was just one summer, and technically, I'm still a virgin.
01:10:15I mean, I saved my front entrance just for you.
01:10:19I call foul there.
01:10:20Shut up, Cal.
01:10:21Nobody asked you.
01:10:23Beth, we were together when you left for band camp.
01:10:27Let's, um, let's just get out of here and go talk about it, shall we?
01:10:32I don't care how many guys you've had in your butt.
01:10:36You don't?
01:10:37You don't?
01:10:38He may not, but Jesus does, Beth.
01:10:41No, I don't.
01:10:44Because I realized something.
01:10:47I know what I want now.
01:10:51And it's not you.
01:10:53What?
01:10:53If I were to stay with you, then I'd just be settling, and I don't want to settle.
01:11:02But, Phil...
01:11:03No, Beth, I'm sorry, but no.
01:11:07But look, no hard feelings, okay?
01:11:10Let's try and stay friends, okay?
01:11:13And, actually, I know how much you love sweets, so I got you some special chocolates.
01:11:20Do you have those special chocolates I got for Beth?
01:11:24Yeah, yeah.
01:11:25Um, they're right here.
01:11:27I know how much you like sweets, babe, and I had these special chocolates imported just for you.
01:11:34So, why don't you just head back home, and we'll just talk when we talk, okay?
01:11:39Well, these are great things, and this will all blow over, and I'll pray for us, okay?
01:11:54Bye.
01:11:55Goodbye, Beth.
01:11:58Peace be with you, Beth. Enjoy the wafers.
01:12:01Bye, Beth.
01:12:02Oh, dude, that was so instant revenge.
01:12:06Oh, my God.
01:12:07She better not get ass cancer from those candies, bro.
01:12:10Dude, no.
01:12:11It was petty, it was mean, it was stupid, and it felt really fucking good.
01:12:16Yeah.
01:12:18I mean, she doesn't answer about Phil's nuts.
01:12:21What about them?
01:12:22Well, I mean, if he didn't get the oochie-coochie from you, then why has he been scratching like there's no tomorrow?
01:12:27Last night, after we went to bed, we heard gunshots, and then Mr. Tom and Cherry came running up into the room,
01:12:35and you told Mr. Tom that you guys were BFF for life and started talking to him about baseball,
01:12:41and then he asked you if you wanted a baseball tattoo on your pubes, and you were like, fuck yeah, so you have a new tattoo.
01:12:52It's actually pretty fucking cool.
01:12:57Well, this is getting a little weird.
01:12:59Come on, Georgia.
01:13:01Mace, let's go talk about our friendship.
01:13:02I've never had a gay friend before.
01:13:04Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:13:05I don't know if you officially met Georgia.
01:13:07She's my, um...
01:13:08I'm his girlfriend.
01:13:09Girlfriend.
01:13:10Oh, nice Adam's apple.
01:13:14All right, ass clowns.
01:13:15I'm out of here.
01:13:16Jamie, wait.
01:13:17I just want to talk to you for a second.
01:13:20I feel like a douche, because last night at the party, I told everybody that I loved you.
01:13:25And I know now that what I should have done is taken you aside like this and told you that you're the first girl I've ever really liked.
01:13:36And ever since I first saw you, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.
01:13:40And I know that you would never feel that way about somebody like me.
01:13:47Well, first of all, don't tell me how I feel.
01:13:53And second, why don't you take me out to breakfast and we can talk about it.
01:13:58Yes.
01:14:07Thank you again for taking such good care of me last night.
01:14:11Hey, it's okay.
01:14:13I actually kind of liked it.
01:14:15I really took to heart what you said about not settling.
01:14:19I don't want to settle.
01:14:22I want to find someone who loves me for me.
01:14:26Someone who respects me.
01:14:29Someone who doesn't tell me what to do, but asks me what to do.
01:14:36We all do, Phil.
01:14:45Oh, wow.
01:14:57I think that might have been the greatest kiss of my entire life.
01:15:02That's it.
01:15:02There you go, Rhett.
01:15:05Coffee and duds.
01:15:06That's my finger.
01:15:07Oh, sorry.
01:15:08I need it.
01:15:09Yeah.
01:15:10Well, well, Phil, now that we've kissed, I think it's time for you to meet my dad.
01:15:16Whoa.
01:15:18Let's slow down there, right, man?
01:15:20Phil?
01:15:21Yeah?
01:15:21I would like you to meet my father.
01:15:24Bob.
01:15:25Hey, little guy.
01:15:26My nickname is fucking Holly fucking Wallace, bro.
01:15:46As in motherfucking Bob.
01:15:48His name's probably not Mr. Tom.
01:15:49It's probably Kaiser Soze.
01:15:50It's just a college party.
01:15:52MF Bob's like a campus legend.
01:15:54Let me be the first, then, to officially welcome you to the campus.
01:15:58You want some bacon?
01:16:00Holly.
01:16:01I'm talking about a campus legend.
01:16:03Oh, I'm going out of Bob's house tonight.
01:16:06I love bacon.
01:16:10Bob?
01:16:12Bob is your dad?
01:16:14And this is your house?
01:16:16Yes.
01:16:17Oh, God.
01:16:20I, um, I'm sorry about your, uh, mug, sir.
01:16:23We are family.
01:16:25He's a good one, Daddy.
01:16:26Oh, I can see you that bit.
01:16:36Hey, Bob.
01:16:39Uh, Cherry has something she wants to say to you, man.
01:16:43Hey, I'm really sorry I shot your dog.
01:16:47I got this little guy from the shelter this morning.
01:16:51He's so cute.
01:16:53I know.
01:16:54Oh.
01:16:54I'm so sorry.
01:16:56I love dogs so much.
01:16:58It's all right.
01:17:00I know you killed my dog, but she was going to be put down today anyway.
01:17:04I wasn't going to shoot her.
01:17:06I would have had her put down professionally with a needle.
01:17:08But hey, you saved me the trouble.
01:17:10Really?
01:17:11Yeah.
01:17:12So what now?
01:17:12What do we do now is we just see if this little puppy likes bacon.
01:17:20Who doesn't like bacon?
01:17:21Oh.
01:17:22Oh.
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