Package Tracking Takes a Dark Turn in “Paper Towels”

When an online order goes missing, employees are often blamed. But how should they be punished? Now premium users get to decide.

Transcript

00:00package was not delivered

00:13speak to human being please speak speak to human being

00:20no see you already fucking said that i i'd never received the package i i've been on this call

00:34for over an hour if you could just help me please please help me i apologize for your frustration

00:43please select one of the following options press one for package drive damage i'm gonna fucking

00:50kill somebody thank you you have selected murder employee who lost your package what thank you for

00:57your selection the employee who lost your package will be murdered and your credit card will be

01:03reimbursed for your purchase what no no uh uh go back undo undo please stay on the line for a

01:13brief survey about how we can improve goodbye

01:16what

01:22stressed you must have missed hard they said murder employee what was there to mishear

01:30you miss hear me all the time you really want to start right now yeah i want to start

01:34hey hey guys i'm sorry

01:36i couldn't pick a shirt

01:39well it's like you picked a great one thanks i'm a little surprised not to get a compliment

01:44from josh he's just upset because he thinks he told a customer service representative to murder an

01:50employee oh my god you did that missing package you're joking no i just listened to this podcast

01:56episode about it apparently they're rolling it out in select states i guess for premium users it's

02:01really popular oh my god i'm jealous i wanted to murder this guy in front of me at the pharmacy

02:06yesterday he always waits until the last minute to pick up his antidepressants

02:10i don't want to murder anyone i'd be a premium user if i could afford it bro they lost your package

02:16oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh fuck no no please

02:38oh my god oh god no oh my god i opened the white you want it happened they did it they they

02:45They killed him or her.

02:47Honey, it's fine.

02:50That person chose to work there.

02:52They knew the policy.

02:54I think I'm going to throw up.

02:57What did you order?

03:15I'm going to throw up.