- 30/06/2025
Josh Clark takes what he wants. His family loves and supports him, but he’s intent on destroying them. No one sacrifices more for him than his grandmother, yet she’s the one who suffers his wrath. Now, his mom and brother want him to tell them why.
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LearningTranscript
00:00This was the picture when he confessed to killing my mother.
00:16He is a monster who took his grandmother's life.
00:18Her vulnerability was him.
00:23And now her life is gone.
00:25Where he's going to go?
00:26Straight to hell.
00:29No doubt about it.
00:40I didn't just lose my mom, but I lost a son over nothing.
00:48He's never said, well, I didn't mean for this to happen.
00:52It just makes me wonder what really happened.
00:55I'm interested to see what he has to say about the night.
00:58When I clearly asked repeatedly what happened, and I begged him to tell the truth.
01:06Will he tell me the truth?
01:07That's a good question.
01:09He killed our grandmother.
01:19He doesn't really show any remorse for it.
01:21He doesn't feel sympathy for the person he did it to either.
01:25He's not talked about the crime whatsoever.
01:28He's never mentioned it once.
01:30I want to know, like, why he did it.
01:32Honestly, she didn't even see it coming.
01:46As soon as I came through the doorway, I just shot her.
01:51I remember watching her body just kind of jerk a little bit.
01:56That was me being heartless.
01:57Me just not caring.
01:58Me being emotional-less.
02:02The last thing she saw was she was watching some show like this.
02:06Like, she was real big into true crime.
02:09And it was strange.
02:11It's like I'm watching this show growing up with you.
02:14I don't mean to sound rude or nothing or unemotional when I say this, but I could put you on the show.
02:20That it may be just how my brain works.
02:24Truly, at the end of the day, I may be cold-blooded.
02:44This is a picture of Josh when he was in just a few months.
03:13I'll never forget that I had this cute little bundle of joy as a single parent.
03:20I can remember thinking about, what is he going to be when he grows up?
03:26Is he going to go into business?
03:28Is he going to become a doctor or a lawyer?
03:31Whatever would make him happy in life.
03:35I never once thought that I would be sitting here looking at a baby picture of my son and thinking that
03:42he's here in prison for murder.
03:49All the things you could have been doing and instead you're in prison for the rest of your life and a life is gone.
03:56It's an absolute waste.
04:13When my mother and I had discussed me getting him back after I had gotten out of prison, she was like,
04:19well, get yourself together, get your car, get you a nice place, and then I would take over.
04:27But to be honest, at the time I was like, well, he has the best of everything.
04:32He has my mom.
04:33He has my dad.
04:34I had a wonderful support system.
04:36So I just let it be after a while.
04:41The days that I had off from work, I would pick him up.
04:45I got him for the whole summers.
04:47I never missed sports activities, school activities.
04:51We were a little above the average income families.
04:56You say you want a pair of designer shoes.
04:58Well, you do what grandma says and you get those designer shoes.
05:01Any sport he wanted to play, whatever activity, it didn't matter.
05:11You know, we were able to provide it.
05:14Josh was highly attached to her.
05:17He was very respectful, very smart.
05:20He was actually an even-keeled kid.
05:23Thinking back on things, I'm like, where did I go wrong?
05:28Where did my mom go wrong?
05:29What happened?
05:32And I felt guilty for the crimes that I did and not being there.
05:38I remember one day, I received a phone call from my dad stating that my grandfather's necklace was missing and that Josh was being accused of it.
05:43I remember one day, I received a phone call from my dad stating that my grandfather's necklace was missing and that Josh was being accused of it.
05:50I get there and my dad immediately says, well, yeah, we found it in his belongings.
05:59I just looked at him like, Josh, why would you even think to do this?
06:06You know, as much as we love you and do for you and this is the treatment that we get.
06:15What was the reasoning?
06:16I don't know.
06:17I'm not really sure.
06:18I got vague responses.
06:22And that was all I got.
06:31I made him apologize, I made him write a letter, I put him on punishment and there wasn't going to be no going out, no friends coming over.
06:42At that time, my train of thought with that situation, with the stealing of the necklace, maybe it's just a one off.
07:02He was raised to know right from wrong and he just absolutely refuses to do the right thing.
07:09In that instance, the only thing that was going through my mind was, I can't trust him.
07:16You know, is he going to get any better?
07:18Is this going to escalate?
07:20Josh was around 14 or 15.
07:39He didn't have any license and he didn't have his driver's permit.
07:42I was furious.
07:43What were you thinking?
07:45I said, we're giving you the best of everything and you're constantly getting into trouble.
07:51And like I said, there wasn't too many answers I was getting.
07:57I just did not understand why, you know, what is going on.
08:04You've gone from petty stealing to taking vehicles.
08:09That's car theft.
08:10You're going to throw your whole life away.
08:12He started associating with a much rougher crowd, the ones that were getting kicked out of school, breaking and entering, stealing vehicles.
08:25I told my mother, I don't know what else to do, mom.
08:29He's escalating.
08:31This is a prepaid call from an inmate at Barney Correctional Institution.
08:41This call will be monitored and recorded.
08:44How do you get to the point where you commit this horrible crime against your grandmother?
08:50Yeah, I went out there, no thoughts, no nothing, just autopilot.
08:55Walked outside, got the gun, walked back in.
08:59You know, I started getting into the living room and she was just literally sitting right there on the couch.
09:03And I kind of just pulled out the gun and just shot her a man three pounds.
09:07I can remember when this picture was taken.
09:19It's when his little brother was born.
09:22There's a 13 year gap in my kid's age.
09:26Kevin's and Josh's bond was strong.
09:29I can remember him changing diapers, giving him baths, playing with him.
09:37One throws it away and the other does so many wonderful things with his opportunity.
09:42Like, where did I go wrong?
09:44That's how I feel when I see pictures of them younger and like, where did I go wrong with this one?
09:52This one's doing so well with this one.
09:54That's like my bad apple.
09:56This is younger Josh.
10:00Two sides of a coin right there.
10:02Got the cool, calm, collected side.
10:04And then you've got the other side of the coin.
10:07He's got all these other temptations trying to get to him.
10:10And he let them succeed, unfortunately.
10:13You know, taking credit cards, taking some money.
10:18Always got in trouble. You know who came to the rescue? Grandma.
10:23What I saw first was the pain that he brought to my mom and my grandma.
10:30I mean, when I saw the damage he had done, that's when I started to understand.
10:36I started associating with, hey, mom and grandma are crying.
10:40What did Josh do?
10:42Do you have someone who just, I don't know, wants to commit crime and do horrible things?
10:47I am talking to Josh.
11:05I told him that, have you not stopped to think that this girl could have died?
11:10That would have been on your hands.
11:12What did you even give her? I don't know.
11:16I can remember specifically asking, what the hell is wrong with you?
11:21Why, why? I'm not understanding.
11:26I have no idea what he was thinking when he'd done what he did.
11:32And I told him eventually somebody's life is going to be lost before this is all said and done.
11:37You know, do you not want to change?
11:39And he said, well, yeah, I want a career. I want this.
11:42I said, well, you're killing your chances to have something.
11:46I said, because who's going to hire a felon?
11:49You go from petty thieving to basically stealing cars, somebody overdosing.
11:57Something's going to happen and there's going to be consequences.
12:12My mother finally had to call the police on Josh.
12:16He tried to pawn her TVs, her jewelry, and a few other things.
12:23I distinctly remember telling him, you know, that this is not acceptable.
12:29You're out of control. What is going on?
12:32You know, what do we need to do to help?
12:35And I don't know, Mom.
12:39And that's basically all I was really getting.
12:42I wanted him to go to jail because he needed to be put in juvenile hall to see,
12:47this is what really happens. This is not, this is not playtime.
12:51Josh was on a house arrest for this incident with an ankle monitor on.
12:57He never changed. He never stopped.
13:00There were instances where he got house arrest multiple times.
13:15Or if he even went to jail, he would be there for short periods of time.
13:19But he would be right back there.
13:21My husband made a comment about how somebody's life is going to get hurt
13:28from all the things that he's getting into.
13:31He said, it could be you. It could be Kevin. It could be your mom.
13:34Well, if you were to get out of prison tomorrow, would you have the capability to kill again?
13:49Honestly, I believe everybody has the capability to kill again.
13:52Honestly, I believe everybody has the capability to kill again.
13:54But I feel that I have the mental capability and capacity to actually do it.
14:00Do you know what I'm saying?
14:02Because, like they say, one thing done in one, you can do it again.
14:06I see the emptiness, just despair.
14:21I can remember thinking to myself that maybe I let him down by not stepping up to the plate
14:27and taking my child from my mom and my dad.
14:32But then as I got to thinking, he's older now.
14:35He can make life decisions.
14:37I'm still helping you. I'm still there.
14:40I can remember thinking, you can come to us at any time and we will help.
14:45Why won't you just come to us and let us help you?
14:50But he never asked.
14:53He just took it upon himself and just did and did, even though it was wrong.
14:59You don't even know if you can forgive or forgive.
15:02What happened?
15:03Are you still going to care for them?
15:05Are they going to come out and do the right thing?
15:07Are they even going to come out?
15:10I'm honestly thinking to myself, he might die in there.
15:15I truly believe that my mom put him first in everything and she provided to the best of her ability and he never wanted for nothing.
15:31Josh didn't just take advantage of my mom for all of these years. He took advantage of all of us.
15:50So I get a phone call. Josh asked me, Mom, it's really important. I need to borrow some money.
16:02And I said, well, can you wait till Thursday?
16:05Well, I really don't think I can. I need it as quick as possible.
16:08I said, well, I won't have it until Thursday. So, and I, and that was it.
16:12And he said, well, it's okay. I'll go, I'll go ask Granny.
16:24My phone is ringing and ringing and ringing. And it is my mother's, uh, pastor. And he said, um, I need to tell you something.
16:33Uh, your mama didn't go to church Sunday. And that's not like her.
16:39And then he just gets very quiet. They found your mom dead.
16:48She had been in the house for a few days.
16:54I just remember standing there with the phone going, huh? What do you mean?
17:01And I'm just standing there holding the phone, looking at it.
17:04And then my cell phone starts ringing. And it's my uncle and aunt calling.
17:12And I can remember my aunt telling me it was foul play, being told that she had been shot.
17:21And I'm just sitting there crying, not knowing what to do.
17:27I was just totally, totally dumbfounded.
17:34I cried for multiple days, got physically violently sick.
17:51I can still remember having to pick up my mom's casket, having to make all these arrangements.
17:57And my mom had to have a close casket.
17:59I'm visiting him in jail. And I'm trying to understand what happened.
18:04Josh, I remember asking, what happened? Did you kill mom?
18:08And he never really had an answer?
18:10No. To this very day, I still haven't gotten an answer.
18:14He just tells me that they argued.
18:17It wasn't until after Josh confessed that I told Kevin.
18:29I had just found out Josh had been arrested. I still hadn't known how my grandma was killed.
18:35It was just a sad, eerie moment. It was awful.
18:40It surprised me. I definitely think that was a step I didn't think he would reach.
18:45I knew he was really bad into the things he was doing, you know, robbing and stealing.
18:51But I didn't think he was capable of killing someone.
18:54He's just evil. No remorse. Stone-cold killer.
19:03I want to understand what made him do the things that he does.
19:07There could have been something that I don't know about because I'm younger.
19:11And I might find something else from his answers that I didn't know at the time.
19:16I would love to figure out, like, what makes you think this way?
19:19What makes you do the things that you do? Why do you do them?
19:22I would go and visit. And I would talk to him and ask him questions.
19:37Why is she dead? Did you go by yourself, Josh?
19:41I can remember thinking to myself that, yeah, he pulled the trigger.
19:44Has he ever admitted that to you?
19:47No.
19:49He was like, well, I was just so high. I'd been high for X amount of days.
19:53I've been an addict.
19:55And I've never been high or drunk enough that I would want to kill somebody.
19:59What was he thinking? Just what really happened?
20:02I just want hard facts that you've done it.
20:07I think the last thing my mom saw was a gun being pulled on her.
20:13Did she stand up?
20:15You know, did she even know he was there?
20:19I'd rather hear the truth than a lie.
20:22What about the truth?
20:23You know, who does the truth?
20:24I know and I've forgotten him.
20:26I'm not sure I've seen the truth after the truth.
20:27I've never been to the truth.
20:28I'll get back to him.
20:29I'm not sure it's a woman.
20:30I'm not sure I've even seen the truth before.
20:31That's not my truth.
20:32That's not my God.
20:33I was sick when the truth is.
20:34I was a woman who's in the wife.
20:35I was sick when the truth is...
20:36I'm not sure I would've eaten a woman.
20:37I remember him.
20:38I was sick when the truth is given me.
20:41I was a woman that I was like...
20:42I can't do this.
20:44I am convicted of the crime of killing my grandmother by the means of shooting her in
20:57the head multiple times.
21:01This is a chance for me to explain to my family on how this crime came to be.
21:07I don't even believe I told my lawyer the true story.
21:10I don't know how to express it, like how do I sit there and say, mom I'm sorry, Kevin
21:21I'm sorry.
21:22How do I do that?
21:24I don't know how, but this is my chance to do it.
21:27And I'm doing it the best way I can, and this is about the only way I know how to do it.
21:40So I went to my grandmother's house, ask her for a couple of dollars.
21:49She doesn't mind helping me out.
21:52So I figured, you know, I could shoot her a little bit of bull , sorry, excuse
21:56the language, but she would lie here or there and be like, hey, granny, you know, I need
22:00a couple of dollars for whatever reason, and hoping she would just give it to me.
22:06You know, I go in there and I actually sit down and talk for a little bit, you know,
22:10we just talking, watching a little TV.
22:13Now I was already high on methamphetamines.
22:16I was by myself.
22:18And I'm like, hey, granny, I'm kind of have a little situation.
22:21I need a couple of dollars.
22:22Can you help me out?
22:25And right then it was kind of just going in on me.
22:30Why do you need help?
22:31What do you need it for?
22:33You know, you stole, you did this, you did that.
22:37And I felt like it was a verbal attack towards me.
22:42I went outside, grabbed the gun, walked right inside and just shot her three times.
22:48So what did you do after the shooting?
22:54I left, went and got high.
22:58Like I left the house, kind of tried to level myself out just a little bit.
23:02And I'm like, damn, hold on, I really just killed my grandmother.
23:04I might as well go rob her now.
23:08Kill, grab, go.
23:12What was going through your mind?
23:13I mean...
23:14Defend myself.
23:15I need to go ahead and get you before you get me.
23:17How is it that you felt you needed to defend yourself?
23:20She's sitting on her couch.
23:21She's watching TV.
23:22She doesn't have a gun in her hand.
23:24That's how I just felt.
23:25Like I really just felt like that.
23:29More or less, that was me being heartless, me just not caring, me being emotionless,
23:35me just thinking about me, me being selfish.
23:39That's really what it was.
23:43Honestly, she didn't even see it coming.
23:45Because the way she was sitting in the couch, there's a side doorway from the kitchen into
23:51the living area.
23:53And that's where I shot from.
23:53Like, literally, as soon as I came through the doorway, I just shot her.
23:59I remember watching her body just kind of jerk a little bit.
24:02Like, it wasn't no hitting you and then she'd just fall over.
24:06Like, she literally was still sitting in the upright position.
24:10But her body just kind of jerked a little bit.
24:13After I killed her, I left.
24:16Like, I literally left the house.
24:22How much money were you asking or intending to ask her for that night?
24:27Probably about three, four hundred dollars.
24:29But wasn't your grandmother's life worth more than a couple hundred bucks?
24:35It really was.
24:36It really is.
24:39What was the last thing that your grandmother saw before she died?
24:42Did she even look at you?
24:44She didn't even see it.
24:46She didn't.
24:47The last thing she saw was, matter of fact, we were, or she was watching a show
24:52on the ID channel, I believe.
24:55Or she was watching some show like this.
24:57Like, she was real big into true crime.
25:01Like, she was really, real big into it.
25:04And it was strange.
25:04It's like, I'm watching this show growing up with you.
25:08And now you're on the show.
25:10I don't mean to sound rude or nothing or unemotional when I say this.
25:15But I could put you on the show.
25:17You know what I mean?
25:17It's, I could make the, make a show of you.
25:21Really.
25:28I'm going to talk about stealing.
25:30That was a big part of your life.
25:31Oh, yeah.
25:31And I looked up your criminal filings.
25:33Big thief.
25:3452 criminal filings on your record, dating back to 2009.
25:38All thefts.
25:40The majority of them.
25:42Probably all of them.
25:44Oh man, stuff I stole from my grandmother.
25:47Because like I say, she was very successful.
25:49So she had materialistic items.
25:52You know, I'd pop up, hey, granny, can you buy me this?
25:54No.
25:55So it just made me, once I learned I could just take stuff, why would I not?
26:00He continued to do it.
26:02I'm talking about, I stole checks.
26:04And I'm not talking about little checks.
26:05I'm talking about five, six hundred dollar checks at a time.
26:08Back to back to back.
26:11I mean, did you see your grandmother as someone that you could just use and
26:15take from to serve your own needs?
26:18At one point, yes.
26:20And I did because she had it.
26:23Like, you have all this stuff and I want it.
26:28Like, I want to be where you're at, but you're not helping me get there.
26:34Once I learned I could just take and the consequences weren't that bad,
26:39why not just keep on doing it?
26:41Well, I mean, the consequences are there's a victim on the other end.
26:45And that's me being, what's the word, heartless, more or less to say.
26:54And I really hate to say it like that, but I was heartless.
26:57I didn't care.
26:59Do you have any remorse for all the thefts and break-ins that you've done?
27:03I do now, but back then, no.
27:06And that's me being directly honest with you.
27:17I feel that growing up if I would have had the opportunity to experience life as a child,
27:24it may have shaped my future in a different path.
27:29Like, my life was crumbling.
27:31I mean, because, like, my mom is really, at this point, my mom is my best friend.
27:39I didn't want her to feel like she abandoned me.
27:43And that's really how I felt back then.
27:46You know, and I understand things were out of her control, but that's how I really felt.
27:53Like, I remember she was arrested.
27:55I went through my grandmother.
27:56Like, and I feel that it wasn't out of love, more of an obligation.
28:04Like, this is my daughter's son.
28:07Let me take care of him.
28:10I felt the love to some degree, but the problem was it was always tough love.
28:15There was never no hugs, no kisses.
28:18So whenever it got to the point when I became an adult or when I got of an age where I could just
28:23step out when I wanted to, it was like freedom.
28:27Like, hold on, I can just do this?
28:29I would just go as far as I could because I'd never done it before.
28:52How are you feeling about watching Joshua's interview clips today?
28:57I don't know.
28:58I'm kind of, oh my God, what am I going to hear?
29:01What am I going to see?
29:03I'm just in that, I don't know, how am I going to handle this?
29:07What am I going to do?
29:09Are you hoping it might bring you some closure?
29:11Yes, uh-huh.
29:20I could have been there that night.
29:22What if I was there?
29:24What would have happened to me?
29:25You're going to tell me if I, you know, screamed or you came running up the stairs
29:29and you see me that you wouldn't have done the same?
29:32You put three in grandma, how about you just empty the clip, you know?
29:36It's, that's, that's, that's what my brother would think.
29:40What do you remember about being a seven-year-old and your mom telling you that she was being sent to prison?
29:53Like, my life was crumbling.
29:55I mean, because, like, my mom is really, at this point, my mom is my best friend.
30:02You know, she's the person now that I'm older, I'm an adult.
30:06I feel I can talk to her about things that I couldn't talk to her back then.
30:10Because I didn't want her to feel like she abandoned me.
30:15And that's really how I felt back then.
30:20He said he feels abandoned.
30:22And, you know, yes, I did.
30:24I, in a way, I did abandon my child, even though I was always still in the picture.
30:32The guilt was always there.
30:33It never stopped.
30:35Because, like I said, I have, I've brought it up thousands of times.
30:40So it's not like he never had the opportunity to tell me this is how he felt.
30:44There were so many times that I would try to take him.
30:55And my dad would always step in.
30:58And it would be an issue, well, your mom wants to.
31:03This would hurt your mom.
31:05And he would throw that guilt trip on me.
31:09And then I would physically get Josh.
31:12And he would get in trouble.
31:15Um, and maybe if I had been a little bit more open.
31:19And told him, well, you're coming to actually live with me.
31:22And you can't get in no trouble.
31:24Maybe if I had said it.
31:26I never did.
31:27I just figured he knew.
31:30He got emotional there.
31:34Do you think that was true emotion from him?
31:39That's a little hard.
31:40Because I've never not been out of the picture.
31:46Per se.
31:48Except for the prison time.
31:50So it's just, I don't, I'm a little iffy about it.
31:56Because I was always there.
31:59I can empathize with the little boy.
32:01But as a grown man, you know, all he had to do was just open his mouth.
32:08I sat down and I'm like, hey, granny, I'm kind of have a little situation.
32:14I need a couple dollars.
32:15Can you help me out?
32:17And right then, it was kind of just going in on me.
32:21Why do you need help?
32:22What do you need it for?
32:24Now, I was already high on methamphetamines.
32:27Went outside, grabbed the gun, walked right inside and just shot her three times.
32:31And I'm saying this in a heartless way, but that's how it happened.
32:43It's the truth.
32:45He finally spoke the truth about himself.
32:47I offered him the money and he said, I really can't wait.
32:53I kind of need it as soon as possible.
32:55He said, no problem, mom.
32:57There really was no point.
33:08Like after, after I was, after I came down from being high, I was like,
33:15she, all she did was just get on to me a little bit.
33:19Like that's all she was doing was just getting on to me.
33:21So basically, she started, started on you and it annoyed you, so you shot her?
33:28Yeah, pretty much.
33:29The basics, yes.
33:31I'm not going to say she had it coming to her.
33:34More or less, that was me being heartless.
33:37Me just not caring.
33:38Me being emotionless.
33:40Me just thinking about me, me being selfish.
33:43That's really what it was.
33:46Just why?
33:48He knows how mom is.
33:49She, he knows, you know, did, did it just hurt his feelings?
33:55Just that bad to be told, no, I'm not going to give it to you.
33:59And you just, just reacted.
34:02And like you said, it was the emotional side.
34:06It just came out.
34:10Does it give you any closure to have him admit that he was
34:16heartless and selfish?
34:18Yes.
34:19To hear him say that he was heartless and selfish.
34:24I've given him the same opportunity that I, I, I gave his younger brother.
34:29And he still made the choices.
34:31Kevin wants to know, would you have killed him if he was there that night to cover your tracks?
34:45Because he remembers being at the grandma's house about a week prior to that.
34:49So he could have possibly have been there that night.
34:52I wouldn't, like, I really, I really love my brother.
34:55Like, I really love my grandmother.
34:57But it was just, I look at certain family members differently.
35:02Like, I feel compassion and love for my brother.
35:07I wanted to be there for him, but I just wasn't.
35:12Like, I really felt like I could have been a better brother towards him.
35:16I really could have done more for him.
35:18I've just been there.
35:20But I wouldn't.
35:21I don't think, uh...
35:25I don't think he thought that answer through before he answered that one.
35:29Um, so he said he was on meth.
35:31So, you know, that's, that's one of those, that clouds his judgment, makes him a little bit crazier.
35:37He says he wouldn't have, but, I mean, no one just goes and kills their grandma.
35:44No one willingly goes, has the chance to leave, to recuperate from the whole situation.
35:49Just go home, not even think about it.
35:50He comes back in the house.
35:52Doesn't even, because I know how that house is.
35:54He probably just aimed it through the doorway like that.
35:56He didn't even look at her.
35:57He didn't even have the heart to.
36:01These videos are eye-opening.
36:02I'm, I'm really glad that I got this opportunity to do something like this.
36:15Push the space bar.
36:19Don't you owe your mom and Kevin an apology?
36:21And what do you want to say to them?
36:23I'm sorry.
36:24Like, I, I can't stress how much, how, how sorry I am.
36:29And like, I truly want to apologize, even though I've just never done it.
36:33I've never told them, hey, I'm sorry.
36:35Like, I just haven't.
36:37And this is my chance to do it in an impersonal way.
36:42Because I don't know how to just get on the phone and say, mom, I'm sorry.
36:47Like, I don't know how.
36:49I don't know how to just pick up the phone and say, Kevin, I'm sorry.
36:51I just don't know.
36:55I don't.
36:55I really don't know how to do it.
36:59And it's so simple.
37:00Like, just pick up the phone.
37:02Just do it.
37:08You know, it's, uh, that's the second time I've seen him cry.
37:12The second time in, you know, the 19 years I've been alive, the second time I've seen him cry.
37:17And, you know, I actually got to see a visceral reaction.
37:20Sometimes I feel like, was it a heartfelt apology?
37:26You know, was he truly, truly sorry for what he's done?
37:30Has he learned anything?
37:32Has he bettered himself?
37:36You've only been down since 2018, and what is he working toward?
37:43Just nothing, just sitting there.
37:50This is a very happy picture right here.
37:59Oh yeah, 100%.
38:00It sucks that I wasn't able to develop that grandma-son relationship further.
38:07Just hate that, you know, her life was ended the way that it was.
38:11It's kind of heartbreaking, you know?
38:14One, that my brother was able to do this, but two, to just take such a joy away from our life.
38:20Like, even though my brother did what he did, he knows he's had wonderful and great memories with grandma.
38:27I mean, it's just sad.
38:30Just really sad.
38:33Just creates his own agenda.
38:35He's a psychopath.
38:36I hate to say it, but he's just a psychopath.
38:38No remorse, stone-cold killer.
38:40That's, I mean, that's really all I got.
38:42I don't consider myself psychopathic, but what is psychopathic at the end of the day?
38:50I'll read you the definition.
38:53A person who often projects considerable charm upon introduction, which I feel like you've done to me.
38:59Yes.
38:59Contributing to their effectiveness in social engagements.
39:02Mm-hmm.
39:03A person who's a skilled conversationalist with the ability to engage in small talk,
39:08with ease, often displaying a sharp wit that attracts others.
39:12A person who has an absence of conscious and lacks empathy.
39:18I don't want to say I'm a psychopath, but that's kind of the definition of my personality.
39:23Like, you literally just described my personality to the T.
39:29There's more.
39:30Signs typically emerging prior to adolescence behavior, such as lying, theft, cheating,
39:37vandalism, substance abuse, and truancy.
39:42Or you just described me all the way.
39:44Don't tell me that's the true definition of a psychopath.
39:46It is.
39:47That may be just how my brain works.
39:53I really, truly, at the end of the day, I may be cold-blooded.
40:03My mom's life was worth more than just a few dollars.
40:07My mother is not here because Josh killed her. He shot her.
40:13I truly believe that Josh is a cold-blooded killer.
40:17He went there with the intentions to do harm.
40:20I feel like, deep down, he's where he needs to be.
40:24He's just evil and petty.
40:26There's only so much you can do.
40:29Even when you have handed them the world, picked them up all the times that they have fallen,
40:35and they keep on and keep on, and there's only so much guilt
40:39for things that have happened or gone wrong.
40:41Talk to you, girl.
40:42Talk to you, girl.
40:43But at the end of the day, if you picked yourself up, you've got to move on from it.
40:51When I meditated and prayed about it, my mom's, I literally hear my mom's voice saying,
40:57do not live in the past, and forgive.
41:11When he grabbed the engine, that's when I ran up and hit her with the bat twice.
41:18This became an enraged, brutal murder.
41:20It broke my heart.
41:22You know, he was my son.
41:24It was a horrible crime.
41:25There's no getting around it.
41:27But I feel like I'm more than just my crime.
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