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1997  FULL HOT COMEDY MOVIE  Mariana Morgan   *  #watchfreemovie  #watcnow  #fullmovie  #watchonlinemovie  #freestreaming  #StreamingNow  #MovieRecommendations  #MustWatch  #ClassicMovies  #Thriller  #Mystery  #WatchOnline  #TopRatedMovies  #CinemaLovers  #DramaFilm  #ForeignFilms  #AwardWinning  #MovieOfTheDay  #InstantClassic  #FeelGoodMovies  #RetroMovies  #MovieClips  #BestCinematography  #StreamingTonight  #LateNightMovies  #RomanticDrama  #Top10Movies  #PopcornTime  #MovieMarathon  #LoveStory  #romanticmovie  #WatchFree  #FreeMoviesOnline  #FilmOfTheYear  #BestMoviesEver  #Comedy  #FunnyMovie  #mustwatchmovie  #Movie  #Film  #filme  #Movies  #FullMovies  #ActionMovies  #ComedyMovies  #HorrorMovies  #DramaMovies  #RomanticMovies  #ThrillerMovies  #EuropeanFilms  #europeanmovie  #FrenchCinema  #SpanishMovies  #ItalianFilms  #GermanMovies  #EuropeanMovieClips  #EuropeanFilmFestival  #BestEuropeanMovies  #TopEuropeanFilms  #ClassicEuropeanCinema  #EuropeanDramaFilms  #EuropeanFilmAwards  #ScandinavianMovies  #EuropeanHorrorFilms  #EuropeanComedyMovies  #EuropeanArtFilms  #EuropeanIndieFilms

Transcript

00:00:00Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:00:30Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:00:34Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:00:37We put together a sweet situation

00:00:40From a plan born in my brain

00:00:44We finally bagged a taste of a good life

00:00:49Took a ride on a gravy train

00:00:52Then it all came crashing down

00:00:56Tell me where we're on

00:01:01But now we're busted, busted

00:01:06We thought we had it under control

00:01:11But now we're busted, busted

00:01:14Ain't nowhere to hide

00:01:18Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:01:27Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:01:30Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:01:34Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

00:01:38The bottom fell out of our love boat

00:01:42Now it's time to sink or swim

00:01:45We didn't do any harm to anybody

00:01:49Sometimes fate won't let you in

00:01:5313-8, we've been dealing with 13-8

00:01:56We've been dealing with 16-8-2 for 13-6

00:01:58Hey, you know, Uncle Alex, I really miss that great white.

00:02:02Things just haven't been the same since he's been gone.

00:02:05Yeah, that fish was a minnow compared to the barracuda I married.

00:02:09Hamilton, where have you been all morning?

00:02:11Out work in the streets. It's a jungle out there.

00:02:14Found a missing earring.

00:02:16Hamilton, hit the streets.

00:02:18Yes, sir.

00:02:19Time for roll call.

00:02:21Let's roll.

00:02:25Lacey?

00:02:26Pumpernickels, sir.

00:02:27Casey?

00:02:28Onion, sir.

00:02:30How?

00:02:30Sesame seed, sir.

00:02:32David?

00:02:34I actually, uh, I wanted sesame seed.

00:02:37You had it last roll call.

00:02:38Yes, but I wanted it now, too.

00:02:40I like sesame seed.

00:02:41I wanted the damn sesame seed.

00:02:43You did it!

00:02:44Give me the fucking sesame seed!

00:02:53That's why I'm the captain.

00:02:57Oh, I'm sorry.

00:02:58I'm sorry.

00:02:59Hey, ladies, knock it off.

00:03:03Where the hell's Clifford?

00:03:04He's down cleaning the sewage pumps, last time I saw him.

00:03:07Hey, that's where he belongs.

00:03:11All right.

00:03:13Got a busy day ahead of us.

00:03:16Let's see what we've got this week.

00:03:18All right.

00:03:19So far, we've had robberies, zero.

00:03:22Accidental deaths, zero.

00:03:24Murders, zero.

00:03:26But we have had an increase in the number of women jumping out of their showers and running

00:03:30through the yard.

00:03:32Naked.

00:03:34That, that would be the peeping Tom.

00:03:44We have a sketch.

00:03:49It's a little rough right now, but we're still working on it.

00:03:53You should get a fair idea.

00:03:54Not bad.

00:04:00Really nice.

00:04:02Well, I know it's, uh, it's a little rough, but it's the best I could do right up front.

00:04:07So, basically, I want you to keep doing what you're doing.

00:04:12Keep your eyes out for that peeping Tom.

00:04:18And don't get caught sleeping in the squad.

00:04:20I, uh, that's because I was using my other senses, like an idiot.

00:04:29So, when you go out there today, I want you to fight.

00:04:33Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight.

00:04:36If you run into a criminal, and you get in a fight, here's what I want you to do.

00:04:40If he hits you and knocks you down, I want you to get up and fight him again.

00:04:43If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and fight him harder.

00:04:46If he knocks you down again, I want you to get up and get the hell out of there, because

00:04:49you're losing.

00:04:50Now, get out there and lose!

00:04:54Give me a donut.

00:04:58Yeah, and he can still last.

00:05:01I'm yours.

00:05:02Ow.

00:05:03Ow.

00:05:03Hey.

00:05:04What happened to you?

00:05:06Sorry.

00:05:07You missed roll call.

00:05:09Ah, Kaiser.

00:05:11Where were you?

00:05:12I was on a cigarette break.

00:05:13But you don't smoke.

00:05:14Well, it's not what the ladies say.

00:05:15Good morning, Lieutenant.

00:05:33Good morning, Officers.

00:05:41Amity Police?

00:05:42Is this an emergency?

00:05:43Uh, yes.

00:05:44I would have the greatest respect for you if you could hook me up with you.

00:05:47You have many different kinds of girls there.

00:05:48Yes, sir.

00:05:50Do you have a preference for your afternoon pleasure?

00:05:53Yes.

00:05:53Something in a redhead with big broad shoulders.

00:05:55Ah, someone will be right over to pick you up.

00:05:59David, we got one!

00:06:01Yeah?

00:06:01Who's it for?

00:06:02Damn me!

00:06:03Ah.

00:06:04Oh, good.

00:06:07Wake her up.

00:06:09Wait.

00:06:09It's Dr. Kaplan.

00:06:11She doesn't need to be awake.

00:06:12Mm-hmm.

00:06:26Hold it right there, miss.

00:06:28Yes?

00:06:28You realize that you were jaywalking?

00:06:30Well, I...

00:06:31Uh, we have laws around here, miss.

00:06:34Did you see?

00:06:35Butt, butt, nothing.

00:06:36Great butt or no butt.

00:06:37You're still getting your ticket.

00:06:39Butts don't stop me.

00:06:40Butt.

00:06:40Don't worry.

00:06:41In case you're wondering, you have a great butt.

00:06:43Hey, attention, you bloody fools.

00:06:45Nice hat.

00:06:46What are you talking about, a hat?

00:06:47This is a...

00:06:47I don't know.

00:06:48They came from over there.

00:06:49I don't know.

00:06:50And where are you going?

00:06:51Why aren't you chasing you?

00:06:52How about fools?

00:06:53I cannot believe you.

00:06:54That's a long run.

00:06:55I bet it is.

00:06:57Officer Hamilton.

00:06:57Officer Hal?

00:06:58Yeah.

00:06:58Uh, did you see everything?

00:07:01Everything.

00:07:01Good, good, good, good.

00:07:02Where are the perks?

00:07:03Right over there.

00:07:06I, uh...

00:07:08I mean the, uh...

00:07:11I mean the guys who robbed the liquor store.

00:07:16Someone robbed the liquor store?

00:07:18Oh, God.

00:07:18Nobody tells me anything.

00:07:20Jeez.

00:07:20I tried to tell you.

00:07:23You're under arrest.

00:07:24I tried to tell you.

00:07:25I'll tear you down.

00:07:25Wait till I get you to the police.

00:07:27You're a troublemaker.

00:07:28You're a troublemaker.

00:07:29Walk, walk, walk.

00:07:30Move that ass.

00:07:31Move that ass.

00:07:32Come on, come on.

00:07:33Come on.

00:07:33Get here.

00:07:33No, no, no.

00:07:34Let me tear you down.

00:07:36Get out of the way.

00:07:38Woo!

00:07:39Woo!

00:07:40Woo!

00:07:41Woo!

00:07:42Woo!

00:07:43Woo!

00:07:44Woo!

00:07:45Woo!

00:07:46Woo!

00:07:47Woo!

00:07:48What have we got here?

00:07:48We had a burglary.

00:07:49Let's see.

00:07:50Uh, what'd you do?

00:07:54Steal somebody's heart?

00:07:56No!

00:07:58Oh!

00:07:59Now, this is the eyewitness.

00:08:02Einstein over.

00:08:03The Hamilton idiot.

00:08:04Moron.

00:08:05Moron.

00:08:06Idiot.

00:08:06Shut up.

00:08:07Sorry.

00:08:09This big palooka had his back to the whole crime scene and missed everything.

00:08:13She was jaywalking.

00:08:14So, tell me.

00:08:15Okay.

00:08:16Did you see anything?

00:08:17I saw two guys running out of a liquor store.

00:08:18They had shorts on, they had black ski masks, and I tried to tell him.

00:08:21He didn't do anything.

00:08:23Hmm.

00:08:25Too crazy.

00:08:26Too bad she didn't see anything.

00:08:29What day is it?

00:08:32The third.

00:08:34The Baker Brothers!

00:08:36That's right.

00:08:36Excuse me?

00:08:38Well, you see, it's the Baker Brothers M.O.

00:08:41Black ski masks.

00:08:42Every Wednesday, they rob their father's store.

00:08:45How?

00:08:45Well, pick them up.

00:08:48My commandant.

00:08:49You want a booker?

00:08:50Yes.

00:08:51Booker.

00:08:51I can offer you a two-day roll.

00:08:53Sag scale and credit billing.

00:08:55But you don't have to call my agent.

00:08:56Damn, I hate working with agents.

00:09:01Hey, David.

00:09:01Anything new?

00:09:02Yes.

00:09:03Ten children were born yesterday.

00:09:04I mean, in the station.

00:09:05Oh.

00:09:06Nah, same old garbage.

00:09:08See what I mean?

00:09:13Yeah, that really stinks.

00:09:14So, what about that peeping Tom?

00:09:16What about him?

00:09:20Oh, well, we haven't caught him yet.

00:09:22That's what you're asking.

00:09:23But he really does give me the creeps.

00:09:26He's not spying on you.

00:09:29You're built the wrong way.

00:09:30What do you mean?

00:09:31Well, you see, David, the male anatomy is quite different from the females in many ways.

00:09:36For example, the male erection.

00:09:37I think I got your point.

00:09:39No pun intended.

00:09:41No pun taken.

00:09:42I wasn't trying to be funny.

00:09:44Well, so far you don't have anything to worry about.

00:09:46Good.

00:09:46So, you got any leads?

00:09:48Yeah, no.

00:09:49No, but if it kills me, I'm going to catch that peeping Tom.

00:09:58Whoa!

00:10:00Who do you think can raise your eyebrow higher?

00:10:03Spock.

00:10:07Yoo-hoo!

00:10:09Ah!

00:10:10Mrs. David.

00:10:12Good to see you.

00:10:16You must have tickled.

00:10:17I don't have a mustache.

00:10:22Oh!

00:10:23Oh!

00:10:25I came to check on the woman's auxiliary.

00:10:28Oh!

00:10:35Come on!

00:10:36Let's go!

00:10:40So, how are things?

00:10:45Fine.

00:10:46Just fine.

00:10:46David, darling.

00:10:48Uh, you haven't told my husband about your little enterprise, have you?

00:10:53Not a thing.

00:10:55Besides, I think if he knew what we were doing here, he would have no problem with it.

00:10:58Because all we are doing is taking crime off the streets and putting it in the police station where it belongs.

00:11:04Well, I just wanted to warn you, because he's up for re-election, and you know what that means.

00:11:19Instantaneous, ostentatious morality.

00:11:21It's the very, very, very, very, very, very important to your marriages.

00:11:35All right, ladies.

00:11:39The procedures I am going to be teaching you this afternoon

00:11:42will be very, very important to your marriages.

00:11:46Today, we'll be discussing oral sex.

00:11:50Now, I've laid out a few items here for us to practice with.

00:11:53Try and find whatever it is that you have at home.

00:12:01Cucumbers. I have cucumbers.

00:12:02Does anybody need a cucumber?

00:12:09Ouch. I'm sorry.

00:12:13Carrots.

00:12:17Anybody need a carrot?

00:12:21Hot dogs.

00:12:23Now you're talking.

00:12:24Do you have any, um, Vianna sausages?

00:12:35Oh.

00:12:36I am sorry.

00:12:40Officer Angelotti, you left your new crack shots in the copier.

00:12:43Please pick them up.

00:12:44Uh, Thelma?

00:12:48Is the cell ready yet?

00:12:49Yes, sir.

00:12:51Nice to see you again, Dr. Kaplan.

00:12:54Thelma?

00:12:54Yeah.

00:13:04Say this.

00:13:05Oh, yeah.

00:13:07We should be fine.

00:13:08I'll be coming for you.

00:13:09Here we go.

00:13:11Yeah.

00:13:12There you go.

00:13:14Come here, you bad, bad boy.

00:13:29First, I'm going to have to strip search you.

00:13:34Now, you're the prisoner.

00:13:37I'm the one, and I'm going to have to put you in the hole.

00:14:01Oh, yeah.

00:14:02Oh, yeah.

00:14:04Oh, yeah.

00:14:05Oh, yeah.

00:14:06Oh, yeah.

00:14:07and who should i say is asking um martin riff i'm i'm the new guy oh the rookie we've been

00:14:32expecting you let me check captain smith the rookie's here for orientation

00:14:42ah you must be the new rookie captain good to see you son well welcome to the amity police force

00:14:54thank you come on let me tell you something about our organization organization you know i was in the

00:14:59drama club in high school ah so you're a four-eyed homo come on one more one more squeeze it out

00:15:05oh that's a girl good going girl

00:15:10tit for tat oh excuse me officers casey and lacy rookie marty riff you mean they're not the hookers no you

00:15:33idiot hookers have real tits officers casey and lacy ladies sir come on bud boy bye

00:15:43oh my god yeah they're partners more ways than you want

00:15:51hey captain we got a pickup you want me to take the rookie

00:16:04oh yeah that's a great idea get that four-eyed geek out of here he's bugging the crap out of me

00:16:11i appreciate your confidence in me captain hey you're doing a great job son i'm sure your father

00:16:17would be proud of you if you knew who you were oh i appreciate that

00:16:21it's for bambi again teddy over on large mont and he used the old password okay i'll give him the new

00:16:29password what's the password shanga langa ding dong it used to be cock-a-doodle-doo then last summer

00:16:36a rooster called we thought it was a john now we know what chicken ranch means

00:16:40captain take your hands off me you slime ball

00:16:47found her on the corner of first domain soliciting for sexual favors

00:16:51was not was too was not was too was not was not was too gotcha take this little floozy to the

00:16:57interrogation room she looks dangerous don't try anything smart tootsie or you'll find out what

00:17:02police brutality really means this way let's go

00:17:05hey where the hell's clipper anyway little shit's probably getting another mri

00:17:13yeah well she looks like the real thing yeah choice of a new generation well maybe she's the

00:17:23uncola quite possibly yeah well i'll run her record you uh go in there and keep her calm

00:17:30be firm with her i want her to know

00:17:33we don't take the law lightly okay let's go

00:17:38look i want to make a phone call you'll make a phone call when i say you can make a phone call

00:17:46well i ain't saying shit until i talk to my lawyer well fine i could use some silence around here

00:17:51oh hey

00:17:53like your outfit did you get that around here what's it to you just trying to be nice

00:18:02they're not gonna really try and hold me here are they it's a small town honey they don't take

00:18:10too kindly to breaking the law shut up you two this woman here's a criminal and i'm gonna see to it

00:18:15that she's punished

00:18:16no no no not that please please anything but that wait please hold it right there officer hamilton

00:18:25i ran a record not bad second song's pretty good oh what about the third song huh not catchy enough

00:18:33but we'll let you slide so gary can you use an extra hand around here summer we can always use an extra hand

00:18:43sorry i was rude to you earlier i just wasn't sure doing my job you uh may have been with

00:18:57internal affairs but she thought i was a cop well you can never be too sure what was it that gave it

00:19:07away maybe the outfit i like your outfit yeah me too you guys are nuts

00:19:19if you're not gonna charge me with anything i'm gonna get the hell out of here

00:19:24let's go let's go you can go darling but i think you're making a big mistake you can work

00:19:30right here doing what you do but if you don't want to can i borrow your outfit see there's not

00:19:36already two of us here got room for three wait a minute you guys are hookers no but we play them

00:19:45on tv family and i got started the same way got busted captain invited us to stay on

00:19:54wait the captain gave you a job sure he said he didn't see any harm and two girls trying to make a

00:20:00living long as no one gets hurt you guys never get smacked beat up anything like that

00:20:05in a police department no one gets hurt with the police

00:20:13just think no more pimps no more cold street corners no more standing around in these ridiculous

00:20:20high heels that throw your back out great so what do you think you want to get cleaned up

00:20:26sure sure i'll show you the locker room i think i'll clean the locker room i think not

00:20:34i think that you're not gonna rest until you get out there and find me that peeping tom

00:20:43god damn it if we don't find him soon this music is gonna drive me insane okay and a five six seven

00:20:52five six seven eight

00:20:57You go, girl.

00:21:00Ladies, ladies.

00:21:03And a turn and a bon-ton.

00:21:06It's the mayor!

00:21:07It's the mayor!

00:21:10It's the mayor!

00:21:11Captain Smith!

00:21:13Take five, ladies.

00:21:15Love you.

00:21:16Hate you, yes?

00:21:18Mayor Davies is here.

00:21:19Oh, my God, Mayor Davies.

00:21:22Gentlemen.

00:21:23Sir, Mayor Davies?

00:21:24It has come to my attention that this police department

00:21:27has not been following the strict moral guidelines

00:21:29expected of it.

00:21:31What do you mean, sir?

00:21:33Amity is a fine community of hardworking families

00:21:36and innocent children living in harmony with each other

00:21:38and the cities around them.

00:21:40They deserve a police department

00:21:42of dedicated, hardworking professions.

00:21:45A police department serving the needs of the community.

00:21:50Hold it down!

00:21:51I'm trying to talk!

00:21:54What is it exactly you want, sir?

00:21:56Captain Smith!

00:21:59I'm demanding you step down

00:22:00until a full investigation

00:22:02of you and your department has been completed.

00:22:05But who?

00:22:06But who?

00:22:07Take him away!

00:22:08Take him away!

00:22:08What about you?

00:22:09What about you?

00:22:10What about you?

00:22:11What about you?

00:22:12I'm not leaving you behind.

00:22:14I have brought you exactly what this department needs.

00:22:19Captain May?

00:22:20This is Captain May.

00:22:30She'll be in charge of this department

00:22:32until things get sorted out.

00:22:35Lieutenant Carroll,

00:22:37show her the ropes.

00:22:39Miss Mayor.

00:22:44Short, medium, long.

00:22:47Officer David Carroll, head of ice.

00:22:48I'll bet you are.

00:22:51I think there was no need for a change.

00:22:54Oh, I think there was plenty of need for a change.

00:22:56I see.

00:22:56Bring me up to speed.

00:22:57All right.

00:22:58Let's go.

00:22:59Marks?

00:22:59Get set, go!

00:23:02Officer Howe, lying one.

00:23:04Winchell's donuts again.

00:23:09Hi.

00:23:09Will you stop it already?

00:23:18You noticed him, too.

00:23:21Yeah, but I'm not drooling.

00:23:23I bet he's great in the sack.

00:23:25I bet he's never been in the sack.

00:23:28I think we should find out.

00:23:32Sorry.

00:23:35Nah.

00:23:36Speak of the devil.

00:23:41Oh, I'm sorry.

00:23:43Sorry about what?

00:23:45Well, I mean, I don't want to interrupt.

00:23:47Sit there now.

00:23:50Now.

00:23:50So.

00:24:07Did a coffee, Mom?

00:24:09Yeah.

00:24:11No, no, I mean, no.

00:24:13No, no, I just graduated.

00:24:16You're gonna like it here.

00:24:17Mm-hmm.

00:24:19Can I have a bite of the apple?

00:24:22Sure.

00:24:22Excuse me.

00:24:48Excuse me.

00:24:49Excuse me.

00:24:52Don't you want something on that?

00:24:58Do you have any butter?

00:25:01Sure.

00:25:09Oh, honey.

00:25:10You have to spread this evenly.

00:25:12Let me help you.

00:25:16Whoops.

00:25:16I think you missed a spot.

00:25:18Mm-hmm.

00:25:19Amity's a great little town.

00:25:36Nice people.

00:25:37Really nice.

00:25:39I sure changed like it.

00:25:42Can I have one of those?

00:25:45Sure.

00:25:46Would you like half?

00:25:48Thanks.

00:25:55You will see the fabulous lunchroom, and this is where all of our wonderful police officers

00:25:59come and have lunch every day.

00:26:01If you look right now, you'll be able to see them.

00:26:02What is going on here?

00:26:04What is going on here?

00:26:05Officer Rick here.

00:26:10He was showing the correct procedure for the Heimlich maneuver.

00:26:18He ate one of these, and I think he got really hot.

00:26:22Right, Officer Rick?

00:26:23Okay.

00:26:23Oh, well, never mind that right now.

00:26:27Ladies and gentlemen, this is, uh, this is Officer Captain Mary May.

00:26:32She will be heading and investigating the department from here on out.

00:26:37Officers Casey and Lacey.

00:26:39At your service.

00:26:41Carry on.

00:26:42Carry on.

00:26:44Oh, maybe you'd like to see the, uh, Certificate of Appreciation we received last year.

00:27:05The most uneventful town in America.

00:27:09Huh?

00:27:10Well, that certainly is interesting.

00:27:11Huh?

00:27:12I'd like to see the locker rooms.

00:27:13Huh?

00:27:14Uh, okay.

00:27:16Look at that one.

00:27:17See that picture right there?

00:27:21Ah!

00:27:24Officer Carroll, you just gotta let me go.

00:27:27I promise I'll never do it again, and from now on, I'll be a good girl.

00:27:33You're already pretty good.

00:27:35Thanks.

00:27:36Thanks.

00:27:38I'm afraid to ask.

00:27:39You should be.

00:27:41I mean, you shouldn't be, because it doesn't really matter.

00:27:43I can explain.

00:27:45I'm waiting.

00:27:46Uh, well, I, uh, would you believe?

00:27:52Thank you, thank you, and welcome to Would You Believe?

00:27:54The show that tests just how far your imagination will stretch.

00:28:00My pumpkin pie.

00:28:02My little prune Danish.

00:28:05My lover.

00:28:05You're supposed to know.

00:28:09Shh.

00:28:10Shh.

00:28:12And right now, for $500, Officer David Carroll, why does this jail cell look like a bordella?

00:28:19Would you believe?

00:28:20Um, because she's here so often that they had to bring all of her own stuff from home.

00:28:26Good answer, but not good enough.

00:28:29Miss Bambi, would you believe?

00:28:32Um, we had the whole thing redone by Madonna's decorator.

00:28:37That's unbelievable.

00:28:39Captain Mary May, for $500, would you believe?

00:28:42It was created by criminal psychologists who wanted to regress criminals to the moment of conception.

00:28:47That's right, we have a winner.

00:28:50Captain Mary May at the Amity Police Department, step up here and collect your $500.

00:28:56Congratulations.

00:28:57I'll be in my office.

00:28:58Thank you, thank you very much.

00:28:59$500?

00:29:00That's more than I've made all week.

00:29:04Tune in next week and be prepared to stretch, stretch, stretch further than you've ever stretched before.

00:29:13So, you think you're being cute?

00:29:28You think this is some kind of game?

00:29:31You're answering, huh?

00:29:33Don't listen much, mister?

00:29:36You got a hearing problem?

00:29:39He doesn't speak much.

00:29:42Neither do you.

00:29:43Mr. Bigger, you're supposed to be the older brother.

00:29:53You're supposed to set an example.

00:29:55I don't think he's listening.

00:29:58Can you hear me, mister?

00:30:01He's got hearing problems, too.

00:30:05Let me try some sign language.

00:30:07All right.

00:30:07But, you can't break into your father's store.

00:30:20It makes you look...

00:30:25Whoa!

00:30:29He can't see nothing, neither.

00:30:32So why are we talking then?

00:30:34Well, because he's the one that's got all the brains in the family.

00:30:37What the hell?

00:30:40Put us on the map.

00:30:42Count us in the same situation.

00:30:47Cut her in the row.

00:30:48Oh.

00:30:49Oh.

00:30:50Hey.

00:30:52All righty.

00:30:54Tell you what I'm going to do.

00:30:57I'm going to let you go this time.

00:30:59No one's pressing charges.

00:31:01But next time...

00:31:02Clear!

00:31:03Clear!

00:31:07We'll never do it again.

00:31:09Better not.

00:31:11And you.

00:31:12Take that stupid look off your face.

00:31:17It's better.

00:31:19Come on.

00:31:20Come on.

00:31:20Get out of here, you two...

00:31:21Leave those masks.

00:31:23Brooks.

00:31:24Wait a minute.

00:31:26Someone help me.

00:31:28Oh, what can we do for you?

00:31:29I was taking a shower.

00:31:30I just live around the corner.

00:31:33And there was this man.

00:31:34I saw him in my bushes.

00:31:36Huh?

00:31:37Uh-huh.

00:31:37Watching me.

00:31:39So he was washing your bush?

00:31:43No, he was busting my watch.

00:31:45Uh-huh.

00:31:45I mean, watching my bust.

00:31:47I mean, watching me wash.

00:31:48Oh.

00:31:51I'd never been so scared in my whole life.

00:31:53So, this man, uh...

00:31:59Do you look like this?

00:32:01That's him.

00:32:02Exactly.

00:32:06Well, sounds like the peeping Tom.

00:32:12We know somebody's been watching him.

00:32:14We've been watching him watch.

00:32:15But we don't know who he is.

00:32:16Even with that sketch?

00:32:18I know.

00:32:19It's hard to believe.

00:32:20Can I wash your walk?

00:32:23I mean, can I, uh, walk your bush?

00:32:25I mean, uh, can I, uh, can I walk your home?

00:32:29Sure.

00:32:30Ooh.

00:32:32So, the mayor gone yet?

00:32:34Yeah.

00:32:35And the shit has really hit the fan.

00:32:39Wait a minute.

00:32:40They don't steal other people's jokes around here.

00:32:43We only borrow them.

00:32:45Good thing.

00:32:46Yes.

00:32:46Oh, my God, I left Billy in the cell.

00:32:48So, what's going on?

00:32:50Oh, well, let me tell you.

00:32:51I didn't tell you before.

00:32:51Okay, what happened was, Captain Smith came into the picture, you know, and he was the captain.

00:32:54He was great because we ran a prostitution ring through here, you know, but everybody got paid a lot of money.

00:32:58They got their nails painted, their toes painted every single day because they could afford it.

00:33:00Sorry, I asked.

00:33:01We bought all kinds of extended prostitution ring, and he's trying to get rid of the prostitution ring.

00:33:04Well, what are we supposed to do?

00:33:05I mean, nobody's making money anymore.

00:33:06Everybody needs to be rich.

00:33:07They need to get new clothes daily.

00:33:09They need to feed themselves.

00:33:09Then Captain Mary May comes in and she says, oh, I don't think.

00:33:12This is a fine way to run a business.

00:33:18Locking us up in separate cells.

00:33:21I feel like I'm about ready to bust.

00:33:25Billy.

00:33:25David.

00:33:26Sorry, man.

00:33:27Didn't mean to leave you hanging.

00:33:29We've had a little problem.

00:33:30Look, we have a little problem here.

00:33:32I've heard that before.

00:33:34So, I...

00:33:35Well, anyway, I guess we should probably leave you be for now.

00:33:41Yeah, let's go.

00:33:42We'll come back.

00:33:43No, wait!

00:33:44David!

00:33:44You can't leave me like this, man!

00:33:47I feel like a prisoner!

00:33:48What would make you feel that way?

00:33:51I got it.

00:33:53We'll be back.

00:33:53Let's go.

00:33:57Somebody!

00:33:59Somebody!

00:34:00She's drunk, but she had something up with her butt, and it died, and she doesn't understand

00:34:03because it's a whole control thing, you know?

00:34:05She just doesn't even want to know what's going on because she walks around the whole

00:34:07place like she doesn't have any place.

00:34:09She just came in here a little while ago.

00:34:10She has something to do with anything, and she's, you know, never lets me away.

00:34:14Hey, where's Bambi?

00:34:16My God!

00:34:18She's still with Billy!

00:34:19Captain May's coming!

00:34:20Captain May's coming!

00:34:22Oh, mail alert!

00:34:23Oh, mail alert!

00:34:26I don't know where I put that ship in a black hole.

00:34:28Well, I'm sure it's all very interesting, but I really do have to get unpacked.

00:34:32All right.

00:34:32Maybe later then.

00:34:33I've still got some paperwork to do.

00:34:35Any messages?

00:34:36Yes, your mother called.

00:34:37My mother called?

00:34:38Well, yes.

00:34:38There's been a horrible accident, and your father's been killed.

00:34:41What do you mean?

00:34:42Well, apparently there was a freak accident, and his lawnmower killed him.

00:34:45She said it went haywire and turned your father into fertilizer.

00:34:49Wait, good news!

00:34:51Your lawn looks better than ever.

00:34:52It's colorful, and full of life.

00:34:54Fourth time this week.

00:34:56Who are you?

00:34:58Officer Lisa Hancock.

00:35:00I'm the night receptionist.

00:35:01I thought the lieutenant picked up the phone at night.

00:35:03Well, that's because you didn't have me.

00:35:07Do you have any whiteout?

00:35:09Four-letter word.

00:35:13Four-letter word.

00:35:16Four-letter word.

00:35:21Okay, then.

00:35:26Is this an emergency?

00:35:28It sure feels like one.

00:35:30Shang-a-lang-a-ding-dong.

00:35:32Reference?

00:35:33I think the blonde one. I'm tired and easy.

00:35:36An officer will be right over.

00:35:40Go wake up Clifford and get Hamilton to run interference.

00:35:43All right.

00:35:51Now, I'm here as a public servant.

00:35:53I'll help anybody. No problem at all.

00:35:57Why would I care that it's the Pope?

00:35:59He's got sexual problems just like everybody else.

00:36:02I assure you.

00:36:03What do you mean, anti-Semitic?

00:36:10Hamilton.

00:36:11Yes.

00:36:12I've got a client en route,

00:36:14and I need you to pick up a graffiti artist.

00:36:18Take care of the captain for me, will you?

00:36:20Oh, that woman's about as much fun as an enema.

00:36:22All right, then I'll take care of her.

00:36:25Thanks.

00:36:29By the way,

00:36:31don't forget,

00:36:32Bambi's in the cell.

00:36:34You've got to get her out.

00:36:35Remember last time?

00:36:36She thought she was the lion for an hour.

00:36:38Remember?

00:36:39I had to do the end production number for The Wizard of Oz 50 times.

00:36:42How could I forget?

00:36:44That was pretty, uh, pretty miserable, wasn't it?

00:36:47Yeah, it was.

00:36:48You were off key.

00:36:48Very.

00:36:49Very flat.

00:36:50It's a bad day.

00:36:52Bad hair day, too.

00:36:55Damn.

00:36:55But I'm on a diet.

00:36:58You're 100 pounds overweight.

00:36:59A police officer should eat.

00:37:00Hey, has anybody seen...

00:37:01Oh, hi.

00:37:02Uh, Captain,

00:37:03I'm going out on a caller.

00:37:04It's very high profile.

00:37:06I thought you might like to ride shotgun.

00:37:08You think it'll be dangerous?

00:37:09It very well could be.

00:37:10Let's go.

00:37:11All right.

00:37:17Marty!

00:37:17Did you see Carrie?

00:37:23No.

00:37:25All right.

00:37:26Well, if you see her before I...

00:37:27Let her know we need her in the interrogation room.

00:37:29We're not using the, uh, cells in that day anymore.

00:37:33Okay.

00:37:34Thanks.

00:37:34Hey, Cliff.

00:37:35Yes?

00:37:36Um, you ever, um, have two girls come on to you at the same time?

00:37:42Only my dreams.

00:37:43What's up?

00:37:44Well, I don't know how to decide.

00:37:46What's to decide?

00:37:48Well, I've never, you know, I've never been in this situation before.

00:37:54Well, Marty, there's worse situations to be in, all right?

00:37:56Trust me.

00:37:57I'll tell you what.

00:37:58If you get two chicks in the sack, all right, I'll turn in my badge.

00:38:02And it would almost be worse.

00:38:04Shut up.

00:38:05All right.

00:38:06So if you see Carrie, tell her that?

00:38:07I will.

00:38:14What do you got?

00:38:16Counterfeiter.

00:38:17Caught him red-handed.

00:38:19Good work.

00:38:20So what are you doing?

00:38:21I've got Carrie in the interrogation room.

00:38:23They're doing it, doggy.

00:38:24Here, my little dog.

00:38:30Heel.

00:38:32Heel.

00:38:37Ankles.

00:38:38Ankles.

00:38:39That's it.

00:38:42Lick my latex.

00:38:45Good dog.

00:38:47That was bullshit.

00:38:49An eight-year-old?

00:38:50What kind of crime we have in this city?

00:38:52Oh, main alert!

00:38:53Oh, main alert!

00:38:55Meow.

00:38:56Oh, main alert!

00:38:57Oh, no!

00:38:57Come on, guys!

00:38:58Get up!

00:38:59Get up!

00:39:00Get up!

00:39:01Put your clothes on!

00:39:02Come on!

00:39:03Oh, main alert!

00:39:04Get to put your clothes on!

00:39:05How so?

00:39:06Oh, main alert!

00:39:07Come on!

00:39:07Oh, main alert!

00:39:07Out, dog boy!

00:39:10Out!

00:39:10Wow, those things are huge.

00:39:11Oh, God, I've got to find something to put on.

00:39:13All clear!

00:39:14What's that supposed to mean?

00:39:15Oh, well, uh...

00:39:18Would you believe...

00:39:20Thank you, thank you, and welcome to

00:39:22Would You Believe, the show that tests you.

00:39:24Wait, just...

00:39:25No, no, no.

00:39:26What?

00:39:26This is just over the top.

00:39:28Really?

00:39:29Yes.

00:39:30Well, if you want to be that one about it.

00:39:32Here.

00:39:33So, what really happened?

00:39:38Uh, well, I was interrogating this man, and he, uh, uh...

00:39:42Threw up.

00:39:43He threw up.

00:39:44Threw all the stuff.

00:39:45And I was just letting them know that it was all clear, meaning that it was all clean.

00:39:49Clean.

00:39:49And clear.

00:39:50Uh-huh.

00:39:50And clear and clean.

00:39:51Yeah.

00:39:51As a whistle.

00:39:52Where are your cleaning supplies?

00:39:54Whistling.

00:39:55Uh, uh, all I need is my trusty rag.

00:39:58Eh, trusty rag.

00:39:59Dependable.

00:39:59You can trust it.

00:40:00It will never lie to you.

00:40:01Ever.

00:40:02What have we got here?

00:40:04Um, oh.

00:40:05I caught him trying to pass, uh, counterfeit, uh, $100 bills.

00:40:09Oh.

00:40:10Good work.

00:40:11But the guy must be colorblind.

00:40:13What makes you think that?

00:40:15Because $100 bills aren't red.

00:40:18You stupid.

00:40:21Are you sure on that?

00:40:23Well, yeah, you take a couple, I'll take a couple.

00:40:26Anybody want one?

00:40:27I'll take one.

00:40:27Yeah.

00:40:29Have a nice day.

00:40:30Merry Christmas.

00:40:31Tweaky, I'll take you.

00:40:31Sure, thanks.

00:40:33Give me another one.

00:40:34Thanks.

00:40:43Ah, what a day.

00:40:45Yeah.

00:40:46Seven jaywalkers, two double parkers on the litter bike.

00:40:49God.

00:40:51Sometimes you really gotta earn your paycheck around here.

00:40:57Leaving?

00:40:58I'm taking the books home with me.

00:41:00Think anything will happen tonight?

00:41:02Oh, no.

00:41:04No.

00:41:04Nights around here are slower than the days.

00:41:08I'm only a phone call away.

00:41:11All right.

00:41:12Good night.

00:41:14One, 1,000.

00:41:16Two, 1,000.

00:41:17Three, 1,000.

00:41:19Let's party!

00:41:20Ho, ho, ho.

00:41:22Yeah!

00:41:23Come on.

00:41:25Time to go, yeah!

00:41:32Woo, woo, woo, woo!

00:41:33Woo!

00:41:37Woo!

00:41:38Shen!

00:41:39ella!

00:41:39The chance comes all over me, the chance comes all over me.

00:41:44ano!

00:41:44Damn!

00:41:45Yeah.

00:41:46Come on.

00:41:46Woo!

00:41:47Oh

00:42:17It's not my fault

00:42:19She knocked that shit out

00:42:21It's not my fault

00:42:23Good morning everyone

00:42:25Good morning Captain

00:42:27Clifford, did you take roll call?

00:42:29All here

00:42:31Good

00:42:33Last night I went over the books

00:42:35And I was very surprised

00:42:37I've never seen a police department

00:42:39In such great financial shape

00:42:41Oh, very nice, good

00:42:43Money, I like that

00:42:45This building has been paid off

00:42:47And I see you put a down payment on a new building

00:42:49For the police station

00:42:51Your community has bought you new walkie-talkies

00:42:53New uniforms, new weights

00:42:55And a cappuccino machine

00:42:57Yeah

00:42:59It makes me proud

00:43:01I...

00:43:03They just give and give

00:43:05However, I have noticed

00:43:07Some unorthodox procedures around here

00:43:09So you best watch your P's and Q's

00:43:11We're going by the book

00:43:15All right

00:43:25At ease

00:43:29Understood?

00:43:31Understood

00:43:32Understood

00:43:33Now, I have a little surprise for you

00:43:39Since there's such an excess of cash in the slush fund

00:43:43I'm going to be sprucing up the place

00:43:45You know, putting in some green plants

00:43:47Maybe a painting or two

00:43:51Anything else?

00:43:53Yes

00:43:55We have a...

00:43:57We have a new drawing of the suspect

00:43:59Peeping Tom

00:44:01He fesses around everybody

00:44:02Get a good look at him

00:44:03Ooh, yeah

00:44:05Ooh

00:44:07Ooh

00:44:09All right

00:44:11Oh, I don't like this guy

00:44:13Hey

00:44:15That looks like my ex-boyfriend

00:44:17Let me see that again

00:44:19I bet you I can find this guy in two hours

00:44:22I can find him in one

00:44:23Okay

00:44:24Let's find that guy

00:44:25Get out there and be safe

00:44:26Sounds like my mother

00:44:27Is there

00:44:28You know, I can find him

00:44:31Five years

00:44:32Somewhere in the picture

00:44:34Oh, I'm sorry

00:44:38I didn't know anybody was here

00:44:40What are you sorry about?

00:44:44I

00:44:45Um

00:44:46I

00:44:47Um

00:44:48I

00:44:49Um

00:44:50I

00:44:51Um

00:44:52I

00:44:53Um

00:44:54Could you come stand here for a second?

00:44:59Well

00:45:00Sure

00:45:02No

00:45:08Stand here

00:45:10There?

00:45:13All right

00:45:18Now you try to push my legs out

00:45:20And I'll try to push him back in

00:45:23Okay

00:45:28Gotcha

00:45:29You know

00:45:32All my life

00:45:33I've never even had a beautiful woman look at me

00:45:35I mean, much less to come on to me

00:45:37Hey

00:45:38And

00:45:39And out of the blue today

00:45:40It's happened twice

00:45:42Twice?

00:45:43What's going on here?

00:45:44Hey

00:45:46Uh

00:45:47I was just exercising my thighs

00:45:53Bitch

00:45:59Where's that janitor?

00:46:00My blinds haven't been dusted this decade

00:46:01Orcs are mostly knights

00:46:02Fine, I'll leave her a note

00:46:05La! La! La!

00:46:06Tell me when the mayor's wife comes in

00:46:07She's taking me to lunch

00:46:08She's already here

00:46:09She is?

00:46:10She's downstairs with the women's auxiliary

00:46:12Oh, good

00:46:13Oh, good

00:46:14I think I'll go join her

00:46:16Now hold it in your hand

00:46:17Firmly but gently

00:46:18Then up and down

00:46:19Up and down

00:46:20Up and down

00:46:22Up and down

00:46:23Up and down

00:46:24Okay, put them away till later

00:46:27with the Women's Auxiliary.

00:46:29Oh, good.

00:46:31I think I'll go join her.

00:46:39Now hold it in your hand, firmly but gently,

00:46:42then up and down, up and down.

00:46:45Oh, mail alert, mail alert!

00:46:48OK, put him away till later.

00:46:51Knowing the correct way to use a condom

00:46:53could mean the difference between life and death.

00:46:57Hello.

00:46:59You must be Captain Mary May, ladies.

00:47:04Captain Mary May, our new captain.

00:47:09Bravo!

00:47:14Aren't you the janitor?

00:47:16Janitor and also sex educator.

00:47:20Clean is as clean does.

00:47:22Clean this.

00:47:27Hey, what are you doing here?

00:47:30Eh, couldn't sleep.

00:47:32I was up all night trying to catch that damn peeping top.

00:47:42Hey, Hamilton, what do you got there?

00:47:44Yeah, what do you got over here?

00:47:46Loiterers.

00:47:47I got a complaint from cutting hips.

00:47:48Yeah.

00:47:49I'm so impressed with the role that this police department plays in the community.

00:47:52Oh, yes.

00:47:53Our officers really give their pass.

00:47:55Mister, you got a name?

00:47:57All right.

00:47:58It's the process.

00:47:59It's the process.

00:48:00Don't give me any of your lip.

00:48:02All right.

00:48:03Listen up.

00:48:03I want you to take his cuffs off him, but watch him.

00:48:07He looks like a creep.

00:48:10Get some fingerprints.

00:48:13That was really good the way you handled him.

00:48:15It was strong.

00:48:16Well, you know, I was trying to be.

00:48:17I didn't want to be over the top.

00:48:18No, that was good because some people are not that way.

00:48:22He's got a job!

00:48:23That's enough screaming!

00:48:30Screaming!

00:48:30Now!

00:48:31You!

00:48:32What'd you have to go do and get my gun?

00:48:33We were just going to give you a hot meal.

00:48:34We weren't going to do anything.

00:48:35All right.

00:48:36Okay.

00:48:37All right.

00:48:38Mister, listen to me.

00:48:39There's nothing to worry about.

00:48:40It's okay.

00:48:41I know you're scared.

00:48:42Hey!

00:48:43Watch me.

00:48:44I'm the guy to talk to.

00:48:45Hey!

00:48:46Watch me.

00:48:47I'm the guy to talk to.

00:48:48I know you're scared.

00:48:49Hey!

00:48:50Watch me.

00:48:51I'm the guy to talk to.

00:48:52I'm not touching my gun.

00:48:54You see me?

00:48:55My hand is not on my gun.

00:48:57No.

00:48:58No.

00:48:59No.

00:49:00No.

00:49:01No.

00:49:02Stay focused.

00:49:03It's going to be okay.

00:49:05You can do this.

00:49:06We're all friends here.

00:49:08We're all friends.

00:49:10Drop the gun.

00:49:11Come on.

00:49:12Give me the gun.

00:49:13You can do it.

00:49:14Give me the gun.

00:49:15Look!

00:49:16The UFO!

00:49:22Stop!

00:49:23Stop!

00:49:24Stop!

00:49:25Stop!

00:49:26Stop!

00:49:27Stop!

00:49:28Stop!

00:49:29Stop!

00:49:30Stop!

00:49:31Stop!

00:49:32Stop!

00:49:37There's nothing to see here.

00:49:38All right, mister.

00:49:41We've got a place for people like you.

00:49:43Where?

00:49:44called a big gray cell.

00:49:48Take him away!

00:49:50I'm sorry.

00:49:50It's all right.

00:49:52Get off!

00:50:00Good work, Officer Carroll.

00:50:02Thank you very much.

00:50:03Just doing my job.

00:50:04I'm impressed.

00:50:06Our hero.

00:50:10No need to thank me.

00:50:12No need to thank me.

00:50:15Well, why don't you take the mayor's wife out for a little lunch?

00:50:19Come on, you deserve it.

00:50:20Come on, get out of here.

00:50:22Yes, shall we?

00:50:22You guys have done a great job.

00:50:24Thanks for watching.

00:50:25You can sleep safe in Amity.

00:50:28Love those guys.

00:50:34What a nice group of women.

00:50:36That small-town morality.

00:50:38You just can't find that these days.

00:50:41Back so soon?

00:50:42Are you ever off-duty?

00:50:45As a matter of fact, I am.

00:50:47But not right now.

00:50:50I had, uh, three more complaints about that peeping Tom last night.

00:50:53Yes, but good news.

00:51:02Got a little further on that sketch.

00:51:04Take a look.

00:51:06Oh, wow.

00:51:08See?

00:51:08Big differences now, huh?

00:51:09A lot easier to find.

00:51:11Well, that'll certainly help.

00:51:13Yep, I know.

00:51:14Never knew I had such a flair for art.

00:51:16Captain!

00:51:22Oh.

00:51:23Captain, what are you doing here?

00:51:37Clouds, what are you doing here?

00:51:38What's with the donut out?

00:51:40Camouflage.

00:51:42I'm a new player.

00:51:43Listen, I came here to warn you about that Mary May.

00:51:46She's the best they've got.

00:51:48I-N-S.

00:51:50Immigration?

00:51:51I mean, uh, IBM.

00:51:53Oh, computers?

00:51:55I mean, IFS.

00:51:58Banking?

00:51:59You know, internal affairs!

00:52:01Oh, right.

00:52:02Listen, tell me that you've closed down the whole operation and put away the contraband.

00:52:05I would love to tell you that, but that's a lie.

00:52:08She's not that hot.

00:52:09Not at all.

00:52:10No, we've got it covered.

00:52:10We have a plan.

00:52:11She can't even go to the bathroom without everyone knowing exactly where she is.

00:52:15That's right.

00:52:16What, people?

00:52:17No.

00:52:19Hold me to the lunchroom!

00:52:20Hold me to the lunchroom!

00:52:23Pretty nifty, huh?

00:52:26Quick!

00:52:26Hide!

00:52:26Oh, quick!

00:52:27Hide!

00:52:28Hide!

00:52:31Gentlemen?

00:52:32Uh, we were just leaving.

00:52:33Leaving!

00:52:34No!

00:52:34Go ahead.

00:52:34I was just looking for the two of you.

00:52:37I think...

00:52:37Here we are.

00:52:38Right here.

00:52:39Okay.

00:52:39I think they've made a terrible mistake about this department.

00:52:43There's nothing fishy going on here.

00:52:45Nothing at all.

00:52:45No.

00:52:46Not at all.

00:52:47Uh, by the book.

00:52:48By the book.

00:52:48That's our motto.

00:52:48Yeah.

00:52:49That's all right.

00:52:50It's fine.

00:52:51Great.

00:52:52Wonderful.

00:52:53We were just trying to be good cops.

00:52:55The best.

00:52:56You are both fine police officers.

00:52:59Thank you so much.

00:53:00Exemplary.

00:53:01Ah!

00:53:01Thanks, Ma.

00:53:02Yeah.

00:53:02You got to just stop.

00:53:05In fact, I want to do something special for you.

00:53:10I don't know what yet.

00:53:14I just want you to know, I'm planning something.

00:53:19Great.

00:53:20Wonderful.

00:53:20Thank you so much.

00:53:21You're a real sweet heart.

00:53:23Real pal.

00:53:23Hamilton, get back to work.

00:53:26David, go home.

00:53:28Get some sleep.

00:53:29Some Z's.

00:53:30Tired.

00:53:31That's an order.

00:53:32Night.

00:53:32Died right away.

00:53:34That was close.

00:53:35I'm telling you she knows something.

00:53:37She can't.

00:53:38It's not possible.

00:53:40Listen, you've got to close down the operation.

00:53:42Well, we can't do that.

00:53:44We're less than a week away from the squad car.

00:53:46We'd let the girls down terribly.

00:53:47It's too dangerous.

00:53:49Yeah.

00:53:50Well, I think she's an M&M.

00:53:52Huh?

00:53:52You know, hard on the outside.

00:53:55Soft and squishy on the inside.

00:53:59You're playing with fire.

00:54:00No, I'm not.

00:54:03Besides, think of it this way.

00:54:06I don't think this has anything to do with the investigation on the department.

00:54:09I think it has to do with that little affair you had with Mrs. Davies.

00:54:13Well, you think it's personal?

00:54:16It would sure explain things.

00:54:26I was going to work out before my shower.

00:54:28Would you like to join me?

00:54:30Well, you know, I...

00:54:30I think you should work out with me.

00:54:32We can work on my pecs.

00:54:34Um, well, you know, actually, I was going to take a nap.

00:54:36I'm kind of tired.

00:54:38Is that an invitation?

00:54:40Well, you know, I'm...

00:54:41What the hell do you think you're doing?

00:54:45Why don't you go home and take a cold shower?

00:54:47It's easy to see which one of us he prefers.

00:54:50You know, tell the truth, I'm not...

00:54:51You know, you better get out of here before I knock your lights out.

00:54:57No, ladies, please.

00:54:58I'll see you try.

00:54:59Ladies, ladies, please.

00:55:01Come on!

00:55:05No, no!

00:55:06No, no, no!

00:55:08Catch me there!

00:55:10Oh, yeah, more!

00:55:11You guys are best friends. Let's not forget that.

00:55:13Not anymore!

00:55:14I did not...

00:55:15You bitch! You slut!

00:55:17Stop it!

00:55:18Stop it!

00:55:19Hey! Hey! Hey!

00:55:20What are you doing with your hands?

00:55:23What does it matter?

00:55:25There's no place where hands haven't been put!

00:55:27Okay.

00:55:28No, no, no!

00:55:29Hey! Back it off!

00:55:31We can't have brawling in the police station.

00:55:33Not with the new captain.

00:55:34Never.

00:55:35You guys wanna fight?

00:55:36You do it in the ring!

00:55:38Let's go.

00:55:39I will see you tomorrow.

00:55:41You'll be eating out of a straw.

00:55:43We'll see about that!

00:55:45I'm...

00:55:46You know...

00:55:47This has never happened to me.

00:55:48This is your fault, ma'am.

00:55:49No! I did nothing!

00:55:50You're dust.

00:55:51What kind of episode do you use?

00:55:53Brute?

00:55:54I gotta get some.

00:55:55By Fabergé?

00:55:56Yeah!

00:55:59Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on, welcome on, to the greatest fight you've ever seen.

00:56:11We have three rounds of championship boxing.

00:56:16Now, weighing in at 120 pounds, the former Miss America runner-up in your event, the champ, Miss Casey Williams!

00:56:32You're gonna be great, you're gonna be great.

00:56:41And in the other corner, which would be over here, the very talented and lovely lady, who is also happen to be Miss America, third runner-up.

00:56:53Ladies and gentlemen, weighing in at...

00:56:58Twelve.

00:56:59Ah, I see.

00:57:00Weighing in at 112 pounds, former Miss America runner-up.

00:57:08Second runner-up, Miss Lacey Andrews!

00:57:12Andrews!

00:57:13Woo!

00:57:14You're fucking dead!

00:57:15You're fucking dead!

00:57:16You're fucking dead!

00:57:17All right!

00:57:18All right!

00:57:19All right!

00:57:20Everybody back to your corner!

00:57:21Back to your corner!

00:57:22All right!

00:57:23All right, let's come in, ladies.

00:57:26Let's come in.

00:57:27Need to roll, my buddy.

00:57:29Need to roll.

00:57:31All right.

00:57:32Now, I want a good, clean fight here, kids.

00:57:37I don't want to see any raw punches to the head, like this.

00:57:43Or any jabs to the sun, like this.

00:57:46All right!

00:57:47Now, let's have it fun, kids.

00:57:49Let's have a good, clean fight, huh?

00:57:52Goddamn meat.

00:57:54Go for it.

00:57:57Great!

00:57:58Great!

00:57:59Great!

00:58:00Let's start the fight!

00:58:02Great!

00:58:03Great!

00:58:04Great!

00:58:05Great!

00:58:06Great!

00:58:07Great!

00:58:08Oh, God!

00:58:09All right!

00:58:10Okay!

00:58:11Oh, very scary!

00:58:12Very scary!

00:58:13All right!

00:58:14Okay!

00:58:15Now, no!

00:58:16Watch out!

00:58:17A little, a little, a little, a little!

00:58:18Oh!

00:58:19What the...

00:58:20Oh!

00:58:21Oh!

00:58:22Oh!

00:58:23Oh!

00:58:24Oh!

00:58:25Oh!

00:58:26Oh!

00:58:27Oh!

00:58:28Oh!

00:58:29Oh!

00:58:30Oh!

00:58:31Oh!

00:58:32Good!

00:58:33Oh!

00:58:34Oh!

00:58:35Oh!

00:58:36Oh!

00:58:37Yeah!

00:58:38There you go!

00:58:39All right!

00:58:40Let's bring it!

00:58:41One!

00:58:42Two!

00:58:43Three!

00:58:44Yeah!

00:58:45All right!

00:58:46Okay, back to your range!

00:58:47Back to your range!

00:58:48Uh...

00:58:49I can't see nothing on my eye.

00:58:51You're gonna have to cut me, Lisa.

00:58:54You look back, kid.

00:58:55I think we should stop the fight.

00:58:56No!

00:58:57Cut the goddamn eye!

00:58:58But watch the eyebrow, I just watched it.

00:59:00No, no!

00:59:01Oh no, it's not working.

00:59:03Cut the eye.

00:59:09Alright, okay.

00:59:11Come on now, now, now.

00:59:13Oh, now we're scared.

00:59:15Alright, come on.

00:59:17Alright, I'm happy.

00:59:25Alright, alright.

00:59:27Come on, come on.

00:59:31Ah!

00:59:53Ah!

00:59:55Oh!

00:59:57Oh!

00:59:59Okay, good fight, good fight!

01:00:29And the winner, by a knockout...

01:00:33Casey Boyer!

01:00:38Marty!

01:00:39Marty!

01:00:41Marty!

01:00:43Marty!

01:00:49Hey!

01:00:51You guys yourselves again?

01:00:53Yeah.

01:00:54Oh, I know. Cute!

01:00:57Have you seen Marty?

01:00:59We kind of want to apologize for all we put him through the last few days.

01:01:03Yeah, I understand. You guys have been big troublemakers.

01:01:06I'm sorry.

01:01:08Oh, don't sorry to me. I don't care.

01:01:10I'm not the one who was standing there watching you guys fight it out.

01:01:14Anyway, eh, I'll let him know you're looking for him.

01:01:17Oh, no need. We have a surprise for him.

01:01:20Oh, really?

01:01:21See ya.

01:01:22Oh, wait. In that case, third cell on the left.

01:01:25Okay, thank you.

01:01:26All right.

01:01:27Shh!

01:01:28Be very quiet.

01:01:35Hey, what are you guys doing?

01:01:36Hey, what are you guys doing?

01:01:37Hey, hey, hey, hey!

01:01:38Hey, hey, hey, hey!

01:01:43Good morning, all.

01:01:44Good morning, all.

01:01:45Good morning.

01:01:46Good morning.

01:01:47As I told you originally, I was brought in here to turn this department around.

01:01:52And as I told you more recently, I didn't think there was a need to.

01:01:56Yeah, you know why?

01:01:58She's a good lady.

01:02:00She's a great lady.

01:02:01The reason there is no need to is because this entire department is about to be dissolved.

01:02:09And each and every one of you is going to be dismissed.

01:02:16Wait a second.

01:02:19What are you talking about?

01:02:21We didn't do anything wrong.

01:02:22I think turning a police station into a house of ill repute is despicable.

01:02:28Ill puke what?

01:02:30No.

01:02:31Ill repute.

01:02:32Ill repute.

01:02:33Ill repute?

01:02:34Captain, what are you talking about?

01:02:35I didn't want to believe it.

01:02:37I wanted to believe that you were good cops.

01:02:41That you care about your community.

01:02:43We care.

01:02:44We care.

01:02:45We care.

01:02:46We care.

01:02:47We care.

01:02:48We care.

01:02:49We care.

01:02:50This tape has a prostitute playing bucking bronco with a john in this police station's

01:02:56investigation room.

01:02:58This one has a prominent business man making a sizable donation to this department.

01:03:05I can't believe it. She hid the goddamn cameras in the plants.

01:03:09This one has a prominent businessman making a sizable donation to this department

01:03:14after an hour in a cell screaming,

01:03:19Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

01:03:26And this one has three police officers.

01:03:32And a baby? Two female and one male in one of our holding cells

01:03:38having intimate knowledge of each other.

01:03:41Did I get a copy of that?

01:03:47And I know you are behind all this sin and decadence,

01:03:51that you are the kingpin of this operation,

01:03:53and I will see that you are treated accordingly.

01:03:57Now, go clear out your desk and lockers.

01:04:01Yes. The mayor will be here soon to serve you your papers.

01:04:04I think I can keep my gun.

01:04:07Hold on a second.

01:04:10I have something I want to say to all of you.

01:04:13As far as I'm concerned, you're all great cops.

01:04:19Regardless of what the department has to say.

01:04:21And I just want to tell you,

01:04:24I've been doing this for many, many years.

01:04:28Every time I try to get out,

01:04:31they suck me right back in.

01:04:34All right, get in here.

01:04:35Go.

01:04:36I tell my mom.

01:04:42I bet you really enjoyed that, didn't you?

01:04:54Just doing my job.

01:04:55You mean, yeah.

01:04:57Well, I got news for you.

01:04:58We didn't do anything wrong, and you know it.

01:05:01You broke the law.

01:05:02Oh, broke the law.

01:05:03Yeah, great.

01:05:04Come on.

01:05:05Prostitution is the oldest profession on this planet.

01:05:10Besides the fact that it's a victimless crime.

01:05:12But it's still a crime in this city.

01:05:16Yeah, it is.

01:05:17But I want you to think about something for a minute.

01:05:20The fact that we are helping these ladies.

01:05:24They are hookers, yes, granted.

01:05:25However, they're going to be hookers

01:05:26either way you look at it.

01:05:29So, we help them out.

01:05:31We give them a head start.

01:05:32We get them off the streets

01:05:33and doing something that they never thought they could do.

01:05:36Carrie is going back to school to become a lawyer.

01:05:39Bambi, she's going to become a crossing guard.

01:05:42I mean, they're doing things with their lives for a change.

01:05:44But it's still against the law.

01:05:47Okay, I'll give you that.

01:05:48It's against the law.

01:05:49But we all break the law.

01:05:51I mean, come on.

01:05:52You know, we speed.

01:05:53We cut those little tags off our pillows

01:05:56that we're not supposed to.

01:05:57I still have the tags on my pillows.

01:05:58You would.

01:06:01You know what it is.

01:06:04You need something that you haven't had

01:06:06in a really, really long time.

01:06:10You see, the truth of the matter is

01:06:11what you need

01:06:13is something that is not only physical

01:06:17but is emotional.

01:06:22You need to learn how to feel.

01:06:25You know, they really do know

01:06:36how to hurt a guy.

01:06:39But I'm a cop.

01:06:46I'm always a cop first.

01:06:48Well, so am I.

01:06:52So much so.

01:06:55But I don't go anywhere

01:06:56without my badge.

01:06:59You think you're so hot

01:07:07that you're the only one

01:07:09devoted to your job?

01:07:12Well,

01:07:13you are not the only one.

01:07:17My God!

01:07:19you're not the only one.

01:07:21You're not the only one.

01:07:22You're not the only one.

01:07:23I don't know.

01:07:26You're not the only one.

01:07:27It's a disgrace.

01:07:57It's a disgrace to our community, our culture, and to the fine people who pay your salaries.

01:08:07Oh, I will take great pleasure in seeing that you're replaced by officers of high moral integrity and that you're all properly punished.

01:08:18Save it for the podium. You lost our vote.

01:08:21Yeah. Prisoners are not allowed to vote.

01:08:28Captain May.

01:08:30I can explain.

01:08:31Uh, the news team will be here any minute to put all of this, this whole thing, on the 6 o'clock news.

01:08:39And you, head of vice, clean out your desk.

01:08:44You know, Mayor, I think we can work this out. These men and women have learned the error of their ways, and I think we should give them another chance.

01:08:54Oh, really? Well, that's not what you were saying when we were viewing the tapes.

01:08:58Well, see, things have changed. Officer Carroll has presented a very hard argument, and I really think that you should hear...

01:09:04Oh, God almighty! It's like an epidemic around here.

01:09:09You take those off!

01:09:11I mean, well...

01:09:15Change! Change!

01:09:19I have changed.

01:09:21I don't see how!

01:09:24You guys, stop blearing at my wife!

01:09:27I will sue you all!

01:09:30You leches!

01:09:31I didn't know about the cameras, or I would have told you.

01:09:35I feel awful.

01:09:37Yeah, me too.

01:09:39You know, it's not even the fact that I got fired that I'm upset about.

01:09:46It's not even the fact that we have to go take this entire department in front of a jury and talk about all our dirty laundry.

01:09:53That's not even what it is. You know what it is?

01:09:55What?

01:09:55The fact that we're never going to catch that peeping Tom.

01:10:02We were so close. We were this close, you know?

01:10:06It just drives me crazy.

01:10:09I feel like...

01:10:11There's just one more thing.

01:10:13Just one more thing.

01:10:17Wait a minute.

01:10:18Wait a minute.

01:10:21Hmm.

01:10:25Good God!

01:10:32Great Scotch!

01:10:34By George!

01:10:37Look!

01:10:41Woo!

01:10:45Woo!

01:10:46Woo!

01:10:47Woo!

01:10:48Woo!

01:10:49Woo!

01:10:50Woo!

01:10:51Woo!

01:10:52Woo!

01:10:53Woo!

01:10:54Woo!

01:10:55Keep packing. I want you out of here in an hour.

01:11:05What? What? What? What?

01:11:08Mr. Mayor, sir.

01:11:10Pervert. Pervert.

01:11:13You're sleeping, right?

01:11:15What? What?

01:11:17Naughty, naughty.

01:11:19Shame, shame, shame.

01:11:25Mr. Mayor.

01:11:27Look familiar?

01:11:29Yeah.

01:11:30I bet it does.

01:11:31Because this is a face that you see every morning when you look in the mirror.

01:11:35There must be some mistake.

01:11:37Oh, yeah. You know what the mistake is?

01:11:39You!

01:11:41Maybe we could work something out.

01:11:43Oh, yeah.

01:11:45I've got a bone to pick with you.

01:11:47Nice legs.

01:11:51Don't try to butter me up by being nice!

01:11:55Okay?

01:11:56Okay.

01:11:57All righty then.

01:11:58Take them where the sun don't shine.

01:12:01Third cell on the left!

01:12:03Bye-bye!

01:12:04Call my attorney!

01:12:05You are under arrest!

01:12:06See ya!

01:12:07No, no, no.

01:12:08Got it good!

01:12:09Call my attorney!

01:12:10Call my attorney!

01:12:11There is nothing wrong!

01:12:25Go!

01:12:26Go!

01:12:27Go!

01:12:28Go!

01:12:29Go!

01:12:30Go!

01:12:31Go!

01:12:32Go!

01:12:33Go!

01:12:34Go!

01:12:35Go!

01:12:36Go!

01:12:37Everybody, I'd like to officially welcome Lieutenant Mary May!

01:12:38Mary!

01:12:39Thank you!

01:12:40Hi!

01:12:41Very nice.

01:12:43May I marry?

01:12:44affairs and joining us as our new head of vice hey where the hell is clifford anyway well it

01:12:50seems the boy had to turn in his badge

01:13:00well as of today officer carroll will be my new right hand man

01:13:06and officer hamilton will be my new left hand man

01:13:14i don't get it well anyway just remember what i've always said

01:13:27oh yeah oh yeah right a good uh good um there's nothing like a good right right

01:13:35right job hell is a man man you said it was a hand job right i mean a right hand man with

01:13:40the job for a right hand man the job for the right hand

01:13:53good job mike

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