Since Trump Is Having A Military Parade On His Birthday

Cracked

And he's also been deploying the National Guard quite a bit... #shorts #militaryrecruitment #soldier #parody #honestads #youtubeshorts

Transcript

00:00Hey, I'm here for army.

00:04Target acquired.

00:07Me?

00:08Whoa, I always knew I had what it takes.

00:10You might not have the physical strength or ideal eyesight,

00:15but you've got the most important quality the army looks for in a recruit.

00:20Your brain.

00:22More precisely, a soft, pliable mind that's susceptible to suggestion.

00:27I love the power of suggestion.

00:29No, you don't.

00:30No, I don't.

00:31Yes, you do.

00:32Sir, yes, sir.

00:33Perfect.

00:34Let's take a look at some of the super cool, super badass stuff you have in store.

00:40Skydiving, secret missions, wearing fun hats on a big boat.

00:47It's just like the video games.

00:49I knew that army Esports Twitch stream was a good idea.

00:53Joining Horton's Heroes really is like your favorite video game,

00:57especially that part where you get murked in the first five seconds.

01:02Instead of wasting your life as a faceless cog working to feed the fat cats of the world,

01:09you could be something greater, an expendable weapon for the same fat cats.

01:16Oh, where do I sign up?

01:18Right here in your local mall.

01:20If you were younger, you could go to your high school's cafeteria.

01:24We've got a table between some college dweebs and office jobs for coward losers.

01:30Is that what you want to do?

01:32Be some lowly keyboard jockey who's never had to wrestle with the morality of compelled murder?

01:39Nerd alert!

01:42I could probably never get one of those jobs anyway with the stupid economy.

01:46It's really rough out there.

01:47That's why we the government are here to offer you a generous opportunity to escape the problems we've created.

01:55It's like reverse gardening.

01:57We offer an area absolutely no sustenance whatsoever and fresh recruits pop up like daisies.

02:04Wait, you guys made all those problems?

02:07Oh, no, no, no, no.

02:09I mean other countries did this to us.

02:12I heard that in the news.

02:14I'll bet you did.

02:15Now, let's get you signed up so you can fight those dastardly, oh, Vietnamese.

02:25Oh, old news.

02:27Been there, done that.

02:29Whatever.

02:30We'll catch somebody.

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