- 9 months ago
Original Broadcast Date: April 25th 2018
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00People of Earth, attention.
00:30How did all these people get in my room?
00:38Hello.
00:39Now, I know comparisons are odious but I have to say that since Acting PM Michael McCormick
00:45took over from Malcolm Turnbull a week and a half ago, things have been running very smoothly.
00:50Perhaps even better than usual.
00:52The government has announced tougher penalties for the banks.
00:55The IMF is forecasting Australia's economic growth at 3%.
00:59North Korea has suspended its nuclear program.
01:02And it looks like Sam and Tara are getting engaged in the Bachelor in Paradise finale.
01:06So, thank you, sir, for all your good work.
01:09Meanwhile, all Malcolm did at Chogham was vote Prince Charles in as its new chairman.
01:15Who, it turns out, is the Queen's son.
01:20Now, you've changed your tune, haven't you, Cromwell?
01:23Look at me when I'm talking to you.
01:25You broke this nation's heart, you know that?
01:29We were hoping for a more adventurous choice, weren't we?
01:32Someone a little more unpredictable, like Bangladeshi Prime Minister Sheikh Hasina.
01:37Appalling human rights record, no freedom of speech.
01:40Rigged voting, so at the very least the meetings would be a lot shorter.
01:44And, you know, if it had to be someone from the Saxe, Coburg and Gotha bloodline, why not this unemployed gentleman?
01:51Or Prince William's newborn baby?
01:55Or Australians for a constitutional monarchy leader, Professor David Flitt?
02:00I mean, technically he shouldn't have any of the Queen's blood, but apparently he bought some on the sly from Paul Burrell when he was over here for I'm a Celebrity.
02:07Mind you, it wasn't just Malcolm who went over to London to grovel to Her Majesty the Queen.
02:12We also had other representatives at Chogham as well, some of whom did us proud, impressing everyone with their knowledge of world affairs.
02:20Senator Fioravante Wells, for example.
02:22The Pacific is a very large area.
02:25You see, that's very interesting, I did not know that.
02:29To be fair though, it is Malcolm who is the most informed.
02:32The head of the Commonwealth is Her Majesty the Queen.
02:35See, as for the media coverage of the event, well I must say, the ABC's was pretty good.
02:41Long time critics have questioned the point of all this pomp and ceremony.
02:46Yes, the time-honoured ceremony of a handful of wandering pedestrians.
02:51And all that pomp of three flags fluttering in the breeze.
02:55Makes you proud to have once been a colony, doesn't it?
02:58So anyway, the Prince of Wales is replacing Her Majesty.
03:01But even Charles can't hold a candle to the PM's replacement.
03:05Michael McCormick.
03:07Michael McCormick, as you know, hasn't been Malcolm's understudy for very long.
03:11But since he's taken over the role, the media and audiences have absolutely loved him.
03:15You should have seen the reaction during his performance at the Australian Press Club last week.
03:19Spellbound there.
03:21And they're normally a pretty tough crowd.
03:27And he's been very good on his feet too.
03:29When Michael was asked about his view about gay conversion therapy, he said he'd not really looked into it.
03:36It's rather a personal question anyway, isn't it?
03:39And I thought he handled it very well.
03:40Particularly when he added, he had no view on it one way or the other.
03:44You see, a lot of your more seasoned pollies would have made sure they were across the issue, given it had been in the news for a week and the Health Minister had made such a hash of it.
03:51But not Michael.
03:52What he did tell us, though, was a few secrets about the up-and-coming May budget.
03:57Labelling the Treasurer Santa Claus with a big bag of budget goodies to hand out.
04:01And suggesting the Government would pay its $523 billion debt off in three years.
04:06But Scott Morrison, modest as the day is long, particularly during the winter solstice, wouldn't hear of it.
04:13I am not Santa Claus.
04:15Which is a good thing too, because who amongst us would want to sit their young kids down and tell them that Scott Morrison didn't exist?
04:26Oh, right.
04:27Right.
04:28Well, um...
04:29OK, everybody.
04:30Well, it's looking like 32 news polls in a row then.
04:33But, of course, the Santa Claus reference was a gift from the Coalition to opposition leader Bill Shorten.
04:39It doesn't show a lot of respect for the Australian people when politicians cynically describe the taxpayer money they use as presents from Santa.
04:48Oh, come on, Bill.
04:49Where's your sense of humour?
04:50There's more chance of Santa Claus actually reversing the cuts to hospitals and school funding and infrastructure than Scott Morrison.
04:57Oh, come on?
04:58What?
04:59It's a good question.
05:00Bam!
05:01There it is.
05:02Yeah.
05:03Ho, ho, ho!
05:04Now I have a machine-gun.
05:06Meanwhile, our former Treasurer, who is slightly more Santa-like than Scomo, was last week invited to play golf with Donald Trump, proving that the US president can play golf and hockey at the same time.
05:22Ah, well, Donald Trump, he sure likes to play a round.
05:36Another thing Michael McCormick let slip
05:38was that white South African farmers could soon be here,
05:41courtesy of a new agricultural visa program.
05:44Later in the program, I talk to a white South African farmer
05:47who's looking forward to coming over
05:48and blending seamlessly into our culture.
05:52Exactly, Sean.
05:53We're all looking forward to doing the sort of work
05:55your backpacker tourist used to do,
05:57except now, instead of going home at the end of it, we stay here.
06:00Excuse me, just a moment.
06:01Hello, what? Yes.
06:02Um, sorry.
06:04They reckon the way we're portraying you is a bit racist.
06:07Well, that's how they talk.
06:09Are you...
06:10Are you tube-doscop-a-storius?
06:13Yeah, I know, I know.
06:14But, you see, you're a marginalised community
06:16and the ABC say we need your character to be
06:18less of a racial stereotype
06:20and more just someone with a funny voice and weird clothes
06:23who may or may not be from South Africa.
06:26The ABC is stupid.
06:28I agree. I agree with you.
06:30All right. Sorry.
06:31I know lots about South Africa,
06:42but with being a farmer who's from there and all.
06:44For example, I know that ivory poaching is fun, but illegal.
06:48I also know that we were the bad guys in The Lethal Weapon 2.
06:54And also, I know that a tiger is from India and not South Africa.
07:00And also, I can hum all the swing in the music
07:04to Bert Camford's Swing in the Safari.
07:06Oh, dear.
07:07Oh, dear.
07:12Sorry, but Bert Camford's German, isn't he?
07:15Yes!
07:18But firstly, big story of the week
07:21and one which deserves a little bit of plain speakin'.
07:24Well, there are some things in life...
07:44Can I go now?
07:45What's that?
07:46Can I go now?
07:47Yeah, sure, you can go.
07:53There are, um...
07:54There are some things in life
07:58that the government traditionally doesn't want us to have.
08:00Ice, organised labour...
08:03..and royal commissions into the banking industry.
08:07While we managed to embarrass them into having the last one,
08:10I think we can all agree it hasn't turned out well,
08:12particularly for the banking industry.
08:14Whether it be in the form of the AMP...
08:16They have said that they basically charge people
08:20for services they didn't provide.
08:22Or the Commonwealth Bank charging financial planning clients
08:25for work that wasn't performed.
08:26As Scott Morrison says...
08:28This type of behaviour can attract penalties which include jail time.
08:33Where, of course, they would be mixing with drug dealers,
08:35blackmailers and hitmen.
08:37And I don't think that's appropriate.
08:38I don't think those people should be forced
08:40to rub shoulders with bankers.
08:42Because drug dealers, blackmailers and hitmen
08:45have a basic morality.
08:47They actually provide a service if you pay them.
08:52Which is, um...
08:53Which is why I believe our commercial banks
09:00should be replaced by the mafia.
09:02The mafia is an organised crime syndicate,
09:06as opposed to the shambles of the banking industry.
09:08They're a global concern and they're slightly more experienced
09:11at laundering their money than the Commonwealth Bank.
09:13So I say, out with the NAB and in with the MOB.
09:17In other words, goodbye, Aussie home loans.
09:20Hello, cosanozzy home loans.
09:23And, you know, the really weird thing in all of this
09:25is not that the banks have been screwing us over with impunity
09:28since they were deregulated.
09:29I think we've always assumed they were.
09:31But that Scott Morrison can't bring himself
09:34to admit he was wrong about not having to investigate them.
09:38Drey Mellor-Burt of the Treasurer's Office.
09:40Barnaby's admitted it.
09:41So has Malcolm Turnbull.
09:42Sort of.
09:43Why not SCOMO, or at the very least,
09:45and I mean that literally, Kelly O'Dwyer?
09:48Scott has nothing to apologise for, Sean.
09:50He said there was no reason to have an inquiry,
09:53and he was right.
09:53It wasn't until after the inquiry started
09:56that we first started hearing the sorts of things
09:58which, had we known about them,
10:00would have had us leading the battle cry
10:02to Royal Commissionsville City.
10:04Population us.
10:05Yes.
10:06But the Royal Commission's not even finished
10:07and you've announced more investigative powers
10:09for ASIC and tougher penalties.
10:11Exactly.
10:11We've done all those things
10:13before the Royal Commission has even recommended them.
10:15Why?
10:15Because we don't need a Royal Commission
10:17to make any recommendations.
10:18We know the system's broke now
10:20and that's why we're fixing it.
10:21Yeah, well, what about all the people
10:23who trusted the banks who are broke?
10:24What about I punch you right in the face
10:26and break your nose, Sammy J?
10:28These banks weren't found out by anyone.
10:30They confessed.
10:31Why?
10:32Because they're honourable.
10:33That's why.
10:35Honourable?
10:36What the banks have done
10:37is the equivalent of writing
10:38Stop me or I'll kill again
10:39on the mirror and lipstick.
10:42Well, I warned you,
10:44keep your head back.
10:49And what about Barnaby's suggestion
10:50that the banks split up
10:52to avoid a conflict of interest?
10:53We didn't listen to Barnaby
10:55when he was on the front bench.
10:56Why would we start now?
10:58Thank you, Jamella Burt.
11:00Mm, nice punchline, Fabio.
11:07Still to come,
11:08still to come,
11:09I interview a Comback financial advisor
11:11about why they're charging
11:12dead customers for advice.
11:15Sure, who knows what happens
11:17after we pass on.
11:18They say you can't take it with you,
11:19but what if you can?
11:20You're going to need
11:21some solid investment advice
11:22about which of our financial products
11:24you should sign up for
11:25when you move beyond the veil.
11:27Comback believes that its customers
11:28deserve more than a lifetime commitment
11:30when it comes to service.
11:32You might be dead,
11:33but what about those you've left behind?
11:34Like us.
11:36We want to make sure
11:37that your loved ones
11:37remain part of the financial obligation
11:39you made to us
11:40to pay the hidden fees and charges
11:41you unknowingly agreed to
11:43when we conjure the first time around.
11:45And the great thing about the afterlife, Sean,
11:46is that it's for eternity.
11:47And that's good news for us
11:48because our fees automatically
11:50increase every quarter.
11:51Thank you, Daddy.
11:53And later in the week, this.
11:55Coming up on ABC Comedy later tonight,
11:59it's laughs all the way
12:00with Australia's leading
12:02politically correct comedian,
12:03Joel Plumet.
12:04So, this Englishman, this Irishman,
12:06this Scotsman walk into a bar.
12:08Not all at once, of course.
12:09That'd be an incredible coincidence.
12:11No, it's more like over a period of six weeks
12:13that they go in there.
12:15And I believe there was a French chap
12:17in there as well
12:18and a guy from Somalia
12:20was in the bar too.
12:22So, yeah, all in all,
12:23a very welcoming multicultural bar.
12:26Thanks very much, guys.
12:27I'm Joel Plumet.
12:28You've been great.
12:29Have a good night.
12:30Joel Plumet is PC and funny.
12:32ABC Comedy tonight.
12:35Welcome back.
12:36And coming up later in the show,
12:38the Australian military
12:39reveals its new secret weapon.
12:44Surprise.
12:46Now that you've seen this,
12:47it means I'm on my way back home
12:49after spending eight days
12:50on the ground in Afghanistan,
12:52ten days in turtle.
12:54And more on how Pauline
12:55spent that ten days inside a turtle
12:57a little later on.
12:59But first,
13:00gay conversion therapy.
13:02Does it work both ways?
13:04It's a question we put to our panel
13:05in tonight's Mad-Ass Debate.
13:08Mad-Ass Debate.
13:12And our first question
13:13comes from Ted Lancastrian.
13:15Ted, are you in the audience?
13:16Can you make yourself known to us?
13:18Yes, here I am, Sean,
13:19waving my arm.
13:20Yes, I think I can see you there, Ted.
13:22Can you put your arm down now, please,
13:23and give us your question,
13:24if you wouldn't mind?
13:25Yes, my question is about
13:26gay conversion.
13:27Is it like LPG conversion?
13:30Like, you know,
13:30when you're in your car
13:31and you're driving
13:32and you run out of regular fuel
13:34and it automatically switches over
13:35to the other
13:36to get you where you need?
13:38Or is it...
13:39Or is it a more permanent arrangement?
13:44Well, that's a question for you, I think,
13:46pop psychotrologist Marie Spoons.
13:48Is gay conversion
13:49like being a hybrid vehicle,
13:51I think, is what Ted is asking.
13:52Yeah, that's right.
13:53Heterosexual for short trips
13:54into the city
13:55and your inner city areas
13:58and what have you.
13:59But if we go too far
14:01into the suburbs
14:02or to a regional township,
14:03do you then revert
14:05to being homosexual?
14:08Ted, I think gay conversion
14:11is not something
14:11that can be turned on and off
14:13by a router, yeah?
14:14It's a therapeutic process
14:17of either low murmurings
14:19in the case of a mind osteopath
14:21like me
14:22or frenzied yelling
14:23in the case of a Pentecostal minister
14:25during which we are told
14:27to fight our natural urges
14:29and force our loins
14:31to be engorged
14:33at the sight of something
14:34other than similar-looking
14:36engorged loins.
14:38Yes.
14:39Sorry about the close-up there,
14:41Ted, we've got the camera operators
14:43in from Q&A again.
14:45Does that answer your question, though?
14:48Not really, no.
14:48No.
14:49What I want to know is
14:50if I'm gay, right,
14:51and if I marry my boyfriend here,
14:54as I'm legally allowed to do
14:57under the law
14:58and I have gay conversion therapy
15:00and then I'm no longer attracted
15:02to my husband
15:02and I divorce him,
15:05will I then be allowed
15:07to marry a woman
15:08in the Catholic Church
15:09as part of my religious freedoms?
15:11Yeah.
15:12Well, given that's not a health question,
15:15perhaps that's more a question
15:16for our health minister,
15:17Greg Hunt,
15:17who, instead of condemning
15:19gay conversion as unhealthy,
15:20recently banged on
15:21instead about free speech.
15:24Sadly, he couldn't be here tonight
15:25because we couldn't quite
15:26get the make-up right.
15:28Yeah, sorry.
15:28I kept ending up looking
15:30like Steve Buscemi.
15:31Yeah, no, that's...
15:32That's fine, that's fine.
15:34So, instead,
15:35here's Tosh Greenslade
15:36as his finance character
15:38that we sometimes use
15:39to deconstruct things
15:40using meta-comedy.
15:42That's exactly right, Sean.
15:44Gay conversion therapy,
15:45like most political issues,
15:47is like a pizza
15:48in that it has two sides.
15:49But there's really only anything
15:51of substance
15:51on one side of the pizza.
15:53And whereas the other side
15:55doesn't have anything at all to it
15:56and is, in fact, full of holes,
15:57it doesn't mean you can't
15:59technically hold the opinion
16:00that it is the better side.
16:02Even though it would be
16:03complete insanity
16:04for any side other than
16:05the one with meat
16:06to come out on top.
16:09Tosh Greenslade there.
16:10Making sport of those
16:11who disingenuously use
16:13freedom of speech
16:13as an excuse not to express
16:15an opinion as health minister
16:16on the discredited thing
16:17being spoken about.
16:18Thank you very much indeed, Tosh.
16:21Bye-bye.
16:22Bye-bye, Tosh.
16:24Bye-bye.
16:24And coming up
16:27a little later on,
16:287 News Melbourne
16:29reveals its new co-anchor
16:30is adult film actress
16:31Stormy Daniels.
16:33But first,
16:34great news for Luddites
16:36with the discovery
16:37that the personal data
16:38of 311,000
16:40Australian Facebook users
16:41may have been improperly
16:43shared with Cambridge Analytica
16:44in the digital equivalent
16:45of losing a couple
16:46of the Prime Minister's
16:47office's filing cabinets.
16:49Drell Fuhrer
16:50is from the office
16:51of the Privacy Commissioner.
16:52Welcome, Drell.
16:53Um...
16:55Sorry?
16:58Hi.
17:00I understand the Privacy
17:01Commissioner
17:02is currently investigating
17:02whether Facebook
17:03has breached
17:04any privacy laws.
17:11Sorry?
17:12Can you tell us
17:16if they have?
17:20You can't tell us?
17:22Would it help
17:23if we turn the lights down?
17:25OK.
17:27Could we have the lights
17:28off for a moment,
17:28please?
17:29Inzeman.
17:31Now, so what sort of information
17:33has been harvested
17:33in this breach?
17:34Well, for example,
17:35we've been able to access
17:36details about your past relationships,
17:38or which authors you read,
17:39all your PIN access codes
17:41and passwords,
17:42the online pornography you trawl,
17:44are hot goth chicks, apparently.
17:46Yeah, all right.
17:46Can we have the lights off?
17:47Thank you very much.
17:48Drell, thank you very much
17:49for your time.
17:50But not only that,
17:55also this.
17:57Facebook also revealed
17:58that malicious actors
18:00may have accessed
18:01the public profiles,
18:02phone numbers and emails
18:03of most of its
18:052.2 billion users.
18:07And when you hear
18:08malicious actors,
18:09I think we all know
18:10who we're talking about.
18:11Deb Merriman,
18:13Ian Smith
18:13and Denise Drysdale.
18:16In my view,
18:17they should be banned
18:18from ever attending
18:18the Logies again.
18:20And some form of punishment
18:21should be worked out as well.
18:24Time now, though,
18:25for the media sasquatch
18:26to present
18:26a bunch of
18:27mad-as heliotropes.
18:33Well, congratulations
18:34to Channel 9,
18:35not only for its
18:36quality programming,
18:37but...
18:38LAUGHTER
18:38..but also to
18:41its news department,
18:42leading the way,
18:42first with its radical use
18:44of erect newsreaders,
18:45able to both stand
18:46and speak simultaneously,
18:47but now with its presentation
18:49of crime reports
18:50having a more nuanced
18:51and instructive approach.
18:53Woken by the sound of screams,
18:55Ed ran downstairs
18:56in the middle of the night.
18:57LAUGHTER
18:58Now, um...
19:01Now, this innovative use
19:03of reenactment techniques
19:04to explain
19:05the otherwise mind-boggling
19:06concept of running down the stairs...
19:08LAUGHTER
19:08..helps paint a picture
19:11of what occurred
19:12for viewers
19:12who don't understand words.
19:14LAUGHTER
19:15I do, however,
19:16think that they may still
19:18be overestimating
19:19the intelligence
19:19of their audience,
19:20and I think...
19:21I think the phrase...
19:22Woken by the sound
19:23of screams...
19:24..could have been
19:25more clearly explained
19:26with some visual assistance.
19:28For example...
19:28Woken by the sound
19:29of screams...
19:30AHHHHH!
19:31LAUGHTER
19:31Similarly, the confusing
19:34ambiguity of the phrase
19:36the middle of the night
19:37could have been easily avoided
19:39with some visual help.
19:40In the middle of the night...
19:42So, while I applaud
19:43man's work, I think
19:44that small package
19:44could have been
19:45so much more helpful
19:46if it had gone...
19:47Woken by the sound
19:48of screams...
19:49AHHHHH!
19:50..Ed ran downstairs
19:51in the middle of the night.
19:52LAUGHTER
19:53I'm just trying to help.
19:58APPLAUSE
19:59LAUGHTER
20:00But right now, this.
20:05LAUGHTER
20:06Next on ABC,
20:07the winner of
20:08Best Documentary
20:09at the Tennant Creek
20:10International Film Festival.
20:12The story of six people
20:14and their fight for freedom.
20:15Free the wanted!
20:17Free the wanted!
20:19Free the...
20:19Free the meters.
20:21Next on ABC.
20:23Welcome back.
20:24Well, health is an important plank
20:26in the federal government's floor.
20:28And vital to that floor
20:29is the parquetry
20:30of organ donation.
20:32Which, despite efforts
20:33to raise the awareness
20:34of that thing
20:34that I just mentioned,
20:35has failed to send figures
20:36associated with that floor
20:37through the roof.
20:39Tuffy Gorgon
20:40blames the government.
20:41Despite that introduction,
20:43I'm not here
20:44to blame anybody.
20:45As an ABC journalist,
20:47it's not my job
20:48to be editorial.
20:49Even though it is
20:50through the failure
20:51of this government
20:52that thousands of people
20:53are waiting for organ donations
20:54in the country
20:55every day.
20:57Malcolm Turnbull
20:58has blood on his hands.
21:00But given there are
21:00fewer operations,
21:02is that an appropriate metaphor?
21:04People are suffering
21:05needlessly.
21:06I think that's your point.
21:07They're suffering needlessly
21:09because they're not
21:09being operated on, though.
21:11Where's the blood?
21:12Well, I'll tell you where.
21:14It's squarely
21:14on the shoulders
21:15of the government.
21:16Since 2021,
21:18almost $33,000 million
21:20has been spent
21:21trying to get families
21:22to talk about organ donations
21:24through TV
21:25and radio campaigns
21:26and pamphlets
21:27under windscreens
21:27and social media.
21:28But do you know
21:29how many people
21:29donated their organs
21:30last year?
21:31Sorry, I thought
21:35that was a rhetorical question.
21:42354.
21:43That's an increase
21:44of just 116%
21:46on the previous year.
21:47That's less than
21:481,006 percentiles.
21:50It is literally
21:51and figuratively
21:52not good enough.
21:54But how would
21:55a Labor government
21:56propose to reach
21:57organ donation targets?
21:59By lowering them,
22:00of course.
22:00But won't you be
22:01achieving the same
22:02result as the
22:03present government?
22:04Yes.
22:05But where they have failed,
22:06we will have succeeded.
22:07And the suffering
22:08of Australians
22:09in this country,
22:10a legacy of the
22:11mismanagement
22:11and weak leadership
22:12of what will be
22:13the former government,
22:14will help the numbers
22:15balance in the long run,
22:16thus ensuring
22:17that our targets
22:18continue to be met
22:19or, if lowered further,
22:20exceeded.
22:21But what about
22:22the flip side
22:23of all of this?
22:24The organ
22:25non-end user
22:26or donor?
22:27Craig Giavello
22:28from a previous sketch
22:29donated his
22:30kidney to a friend
22:31a year ago
22:32and now he wants
22:33it back.
22:34How dare you
22:34invade my privacy
22:35at this hour?
22:36I'm trying to listen
22:37to Ray Hadley
22:38over the sound
22:38of horses galloping
22:39in my head!
22:40Like 12.5%
22:43of all Australian
22:43organ donor recipients,
22:45this one is not
22:46receptive to the idea.
22:47But he eventually
22:48agrees to let Craig
22:50come in and see it.
22:51It's a pleasure
22:51to finally meet you,
22:52Craig,
22:53so I can finally
22:53thank you.
22:54Donating a kidney
22:55is incredibly generous.
22:56I hope you like
22:57instant.
22:58Yeah, coffee's not
22:59really good for the
22:59kidney, is it?
23:00How dare you?
23:01You have no right
23:02to tell me how to
23:02treat your kidney.
23:03After all, you gave
23:04it up, didn't you?
23:05You abandoned it.
23:06I gave it a home
23:07and treated it
23:07like it was my own.
23:09Poorly.
23:09I knew it was a mistake
23:10to come.
23:11No, no, the audiences
23:12love conflict.
23:13Yeah, sit down, Craig.
23:14I know how you must feel.
23:16I guess if I'd lost a
23:17kidney, I'd feel
23:18pretty bad too.
23:19Would you like some
23:20spoons full of sea salt?
23:21What do you mean,
23:22if you lost a kidney?
23:24How many kidneys
23:25did you have when
23:26you got Craig's,
23:26Mr. Jonkle?
23:27Just the two.
23:28So now you've got
23:29three?
23:30Five.
23:31Your urine must be
23:32like Perriate.
23:33Actually, kidneys
23:34filter the blood,
23:34not urine,
23:35a common misconception
23:36which no doubt the ABC
23:37will publish without
23:38fact-checking.
23:39My urine, though,
23:40is just as effervescent
23:41for some reason.
23:42Spare us the anatomy
23:42lesson, Rembrandt,
23:43and fork over my
23:44fucking kidney.
23:45How about a liver?
23:47Or I could do
23:47your very nice pancreas.
23:49Or do you fancy
23:50a corneal transplant?
23:51I'm up to my eyes
23:52in corneas.
23:53Just the kidney.
23:57Well, no,
23:58cameo,
23:58because we've run
23:58out of series.
24:00Yes, IKEA really
24:01asks pregnant women
24:02to do this.
24:04The messed up thing
24:05in Red Dog
24:05no-one talks about.
24:07And eight things
24:08the beauty industry
24:09doesn't want you to know.
24:11Well, that's all we have
24:14for this series, folks.
24:16Usually we have
24:16a big song and dance finish,
24:18but, I don't know,
24:19with everything
24:20that's been going on
24:20in Canberra,
24:22everything politicians
24:23like Barnaby Joyce
24:24have been through,
24:25it just doesn't feel right
24:26to end on a note
24:27of enjoyment and optimism.
24:29Come on, Sean,
24:29you fucking idiot.
24:31Get us depressed
24:32about our domestic
24:32political situation.
24:34What do you mean, Tosh?
24:34Out there
24:37There's a world
24:39outside of Canberra
24:40We have far beyond
24:42that hick town,
24:44Barnaby
24:44There's a slick town,
24:47Barnaby
24:48Out there
24:52Full of shine
24:53and full of sparkle
24:54Close your eyes
24:57and see it glisten,
24:58Barnaby
24:59Listen, Barnaby
25:03Where are you going, Tosh?
25:08Put on your Sunday clothes
25:09There's lots of world
25:11out there
25:12Get out the brilliant
25:14Tina Dime Cigars
25:16We're gonna find adventure
25:19in the evening air
25:22Girls in white
25:23in a perky night
25:24where the lights
25:25are bright as the stars
25:27Put on your Sunday clothes
25:29We're gonna ride
25:30through town
25:32In one of those
25:33new horse-drawn
25:34open cars
25:35We'll see the shows
25:38that don't want to go
25:39So we'll close
25:40the town
25:40in a whirl
25:41And we won't come home
25:43until we're
25:44kissed and girl
25:45Put on your Sunday clothes
25:48when you feel
25:49down at heart
25:51Start down the street
25:52and have your
25:53picture tour
25:55Just like a dream
25:57Your spirits seem to
25:58turn about
26:00While Sunday shine
26:02is a surprise
26:02that you feel
26:03as fine as you live
26:05It's only something
26:06when you feel
26:08down and out
26:09Stay down the streets
26:11and have your picture tour
26:13Get out your feathers
26:16your piping letters
26:17I've got beads
26:17and buckles and bows
26:19But there's no clue
26:20how day in your
26:21summit clothes
26:23Put on your silk high hat
26:34and that's the
26:35child of love
26:38We'll wear a hand-made
26:40grey suede
26:41mothin' clothes
26:42We'll win the logey
26:45for this here progy
26:47And this I'm positive
26:48on
26:49No, we won't come home
26:53No, we won't come home
26:56No, we won't come home
26:59Until we
27:01go to you
27:03John Chabee
27:10John Chabee
27:11John Chabee
27:15John Chabee
27:19John Chabee
27:21John Chabee
27:22John Chabee
27:23John Chabee
27:24John Chabee
27:25John Chabee
27:26John Chabee
27:27John Chabee
27:28John Chabee
27:29John Chabee
27:30John Chabee
27:31John Chabee
27:32John Chabee
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