Taskmaster UK S19E02
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TVTranscript
00:00This was a mistake!
00:04Shut up!
00:05Button?
00:14You're mad.
00:16Wow.
00:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
00:34Hello and welcome to Taskmaster.
00:37I'm Greg Davison.
00:38I suit things.
00:39I suit this throne.
00:40I suit this suit.
00:42I suit the title of Taskmaster
00:44and I suit the power it affords me.
00:47What can I say?
00:48I suit things.
00:49I suit boots.
00:50I suit fruits.
00:51I suit flutes.
00:52And once I was in cahoots with some mute-newts
00:54about a car boot in beaut.
00:57Proof, if it was needed,
00:59the writing of these introductions
01:00is becoming increasingly challenging.
01:02LAUGHTER
01:03No matter.
01:04Let's take the focus off me
01:05and train the glaring, judgmental super trooper
01:08into the frightened eyes of some human bunnies.
01:11Please welcome...
01:13Fatia El Ghori!
01:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:16Jason Mandzukas!
01:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:19Mattie Baker!
01:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:22Rosie Ramsey!
01:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:24And Stevie Martin!
01:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:28And next to me,
01:30a man whose hobbies include bird spotting,
01:33writing songs
01:34and his absolute favourite,
01:36having extra-marital affairs.
01:38LAUGHTER
01:39And Little Elector!
01:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
01:45Hey, everyone.
01:47Let's get on with the prize task.
01:49And the category this week is...
01:52The snootiest thing.
01:54Ooh!
01:55Ooh!
01:56There will be five points for the snootiest,
01:57one point for the least snooty,
01:59and the episode winner will go home with some really juicy snooty booty.
02:02Greg, honey, take it away!
02:04LAUGHTER
02:05Stevie, have you got some snooty booty?
02:07Yes.
02:08There are, like, canvases you can get made of your pet.
02:11Erm...
02:12And, er...
02:13I got one made of my pet.
02:15Here is a picture of Stevie's pet.
02:17It's on my wall in my kitchen.
02:19LAUGHTER
02:20There she is!
02:26I don't think they've done a tortoise before,
02:28so, like, the neck is very bent at a weird angle.
02:31Where is it there?
02:32And where's the shell?
02:33How did they get her in the uniform?
02:34LAUGHTER
02:37They're so...
02:38Americans are so naive, aren't they?
02:40LAUGHTER
02:41And is that her actual rank?
02:47OK, cool!
02:49OK.
02:50Fatty, you all right?
02:51Yeah, I'm all right. How are you?
02:52Pretty good.
02:53What have you brought in?
02:54My snooty prize is...
02:55Yeah.
02:56..Swiss chocolate.
02:57Here is the bar of Swiss chocolate she's put up.
02:59This is the snootiest of all the chocolates.
03:01Yeah.
03:02Ooh!
03:03Yeah, exactly.
03:04See how snooty...
03:05Look at that.
03:06Yeah.
03:07If you look at the chocolate adverts,
03:08the Swiss ones are so extra,
03:10they've got a little chef and a little hat,
03:12and he's like,
03:13ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:14LAUGHTER
03:15Oh, the old French Swiss chef.
03:19And he's all doing that,
03:20and they're like,
03:21and there's all this music,
03:23and they live in a...
03:24They've got a nice kitchen.
03:26LAUGHTER
03:27They do.
03:28They do.
03:29It's ridiculous.
03:30There's a quarter bar of chocolate in, yep.
03:31LAUGHTER
03:32Jason, what's snooty in America?
03:34Here's the thing,
03:35this was actually very hard for me,
03:37because in America,
03:38snootiness is not a really thing,
03:40so I kind of was at a bit of a loss
03:43to come up with a snooty thing,
03:44but I had a good idea,
03:46I asked my butler what he thought.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:49Geoffreys, get out here.
03:51Oh, nice.
03:52APPLAUSE
03:53Let's go, let's go!
03:54APPLAUSE
03:57As my butler, Mr. Geoffreys,
03:59asked him what was snooty,
04:00because he's British,
04:01and he had a great idea,
04:02show him what you've got under there.
04:03Open it up, come on!
04:04Yes!
04:05Butler for a day.
04:06So, if you win this prize,
04:08he'll come and he'll buttle for you
04:10for the whole day.
04:11Wow!
04:12That is one snooty prize.
04:14Right?
04:15Want a round of applause for Mr Geoffrey?
04:16Yeah.
04:17APPLAUSE
04:21I have brought in
04:23the Oppidun's cap
04:25from The Wall Game
04:26at Eton College!
04:28Here it is.
04:29Oh, my God, that's so snooty,
04:31I don't even understand it.
04:33The Wall Game is only played
04:35one day of the year,
04:37St Andrew's Day,
04:38and it's only played at Eton College,
04:41the snootiest of all the schools.
04:43Did you go there?
04:44No.
04:45How did you get a cap?
04:46It...
04:47I acquired it from a friend.
04:49Is your friend Tom Hiddleston,
04:51Hugh Fernley Whittingstall,
04:53Bear Grylls,
04:54or Alan Shearer?
04:55All alumni.
04:56And it must be one of those.
04:57Hang on, Alan Shearer?
04:58Alan Shearer?
04:59I didn't believe in either
05:00when I wrote it.
05:01Wow!
05:02LAUGHTER
05:03APPLAUSE
05:08Can you give us a vague idea of the rules?
05:12As far as I can tell,
05:13it's a rugby scrum up against the wall.
05:15And where does the snooty hat come in?
05:17That's the hat that the Oppidun's team wear.
05:20The Oppidun's?
05:21Yes.
05:22It's so snooty.
05:24So snooty.
05:25It's beyond language, isn't it?
05:26Yes.
05:27Very posh.
05:28My snootiest thing is a red wine decanter.
05:31I believe that you've started to drop your North East accent
05:34to introduce this.
05:35Sorry, what?
05:36LAUGHTER
05:37I don't know what you're talking about.
05:38If Alan Shearer went to Ethan then, so did I.
05:41No, I brought a red wine decanter.
05:43OK, here it is.
05:44Because not many people have these.
05:46I go to friends' houses and they just pour me red wine out of a bottle.
05:49LAUGHTER
05:50And I think, you haven't got a decanter.
05:53Have you got a decanter?
05:56We've got three.
05:58LAUGHTER
05:59Wow.
06:00OK, well, that is everyone great.
06:01It's really tricky, actually, because one of them I don't understand.
06:04Still.
06:05I remember the Swiss chefs are making their chocolates in kitchens.
06:09LAUGHTER
06:11LAUGHTER
06:13I'm trying to work out who I'm going to give one point to.
06:16Not me!
06:17It's going to be the chocolate or the decanter,
06:19but I just can't work out which is the least snooty.
06:21You can buy Swiss chocolate in any shop.
06:23You can, like in a supermarket.
06:25Yeah, no, but you can make a decanter.
06:26All I have to do is get a plastic bottle and chop the top.
06:29That's a decanter.
06:30LAUGHTER
06:31No!
06:32I won't have it!
06:33I won't have it!
06:34I won't have it!
06:35Swiss chocolate is made in Switzerland.
06:38Switzerland!
06:39LAUGHTER
06:40And that, my friend, is the final nail in the conference.
06:43LAUGHTER
06:44One point to the chocolate.
06:46One point to the chocolate?
06:47Yeah.
06:48Rosie's decanter, two points.
06:51OK.
06:52We'll have the hired butler with three points.
06:54OK.
06:55I love the snooty tortoise.
06:57Right.
06:58And Matthew's thing is so snooty I still don't know what it is.
07:01It's got to be the snootiest thing, so five points to Matthew.
07:03There you go.
07:04Well done.
07:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
07:08Very good.
07:09Touch time!
07:10Oh, yes, it is.
07:11And just like Dr Dre, we're going down to the lab
07:14to lay down some cool tracks and generally have a really nice time
07:17while we're there.
07:18LAUGHTER
07:29Hi.
07:30Hi.
07:31Hello.
07:32Hi, Jason.
07:34What's up?
07:35Welcome to the booth.
07:37This is good.
07:38This makes me feel a bit at home.
07:40Commentate on yourself achieving something really tricky.
07:44Then achieve that really tricky thing.
07:47Most iconic really tricky thing achieved wins.
07:51You have five minutes to record your commentary.
07:54Then 15 minutes to achieve that really tricky thing.
07:59RTT is what I'm going to abbreviate it for from now on.
08:02Your time starts now.
08:04You're going to commentate on yourself as if you're watching yourself
08:07on that telly.
08:08Right.
08:09But you're commentating on your future self.
08:10Oh.
08:11So whatever you describe, you've then got to do.
08:13I've got to do.
08:14But it's got to be really tricky and iconic.
08:16What tricky things can you do?
08:17I was thinking about escapology, but I mean...
08:20I can't actually do that.
08:24Can you do anything tricky?
08:29I was going to just lie down.
08:31LAUGHTER
08:32APPLAUSE
08:34So, RTT.
08:37I enjoyed that abbreviation.
08:38I like an abbreviation, do you?
08:39You do.
08:40You do.
08:41You do.
08:42He does.
08:43Let's see some tricky stuff.
08:44So, they had to commentate on themselves doing a really tricky thing
08:47before they did the really tricky thing.
08:49Stevie and Rosie are up first, i.e.
08:52are the last two letters of their names.
08:54And remember, they chose to do these things.
08:57OK, the moment we've all been waiting for.
09:00Here she is, Mrs Rosemary Ramsey.
09:03We've been waiting for this all year.
09:05She's making her way into the dome.
09:07Now, you may not know this at home, but Rosie has a very, very special way
09:10of getting ready for the competition.
09:13If you've seen her before, you'll know.
09:14There she is.
09:15What she likes to do, well, you're going to see it in a minute.
09:17She likes to have a little sniff of the air.
09:19Yeah.
09:20Good old scratch of the genitals.
09:21Yeah.
09:22From and back.
09:23Oh, that's a new one.
09:24That's a new one.
09:25She's never done the back before.
09:26All right.
09:27She is ready for this competition.
09:28OK.
09:29OK.
09:30And it's coming.
09:31Yes.
09:32There it is.
09:33Every time.
09:34This is what she does.
09:35Projectile vomiting.
09:36Here she is.
09:37Martin.
09:38Stepping up to the plate.
09:39Is she behind the line?
09:40Yes.
09:41Quick check.
09:42She's behind the line.
09:43She bends.
09:44She has a few bends.
09:46I think that's too many bends.
09:49Ah, sick from Martin there.
09:51Alex looking pretty frightened.
09:53Here we go.
09:54She's ready for the question.
09:57The adjudicator is ready.
09:59All right.
10:00There we go.
10:01Nine times nine.
10:02Come on, Rosie.
10:03You can do this.
10:04She's getting her fingers out.
10:05Sadly, Rosie didn't do very well at school.
10:07So she's going to use the tactic that she was taught in year five months.
10:10This is it.
10:11This is it.
10:12Come on.
10:13Come on.
10:14Come on.
10:15We're ready.
10:16Come on.
10:17What is it?
10:18What is it?
10:19You know this.
10:2081.
10:2181.
10:22She's done it.
10:23She's done it.
10:24She's done it.
10:2581.
10:26Oh, she's vomiting.
10:27It's okay.
10:28It's okay.
10:29No, she's going to have nothing left.
10:30Well done, Rosie.
10:31Brilliant.
10:32Brilliant.
10:33She's flexing.
10:34She's flexing her arms.
10:36And you can see her flexing her arms.
10:38She's going.
10:39And she's off.
10:40She's off.
10:41She's over.
10:42And she's headed it right into the top corner.
10:43Yes.
10:44Let's see that again.
10:45I'm presuming there's a three-play.
10:48Yes!
10:58Oh, wow.
11:00Look at her go.
11:01Quite an intense celebration there from Martin.
11:04Ah!
11:05She's doing a forward roll.
11:06Oh, her and Alex high-fiving.
11:08Yeah!
11:10Look to see it.
11:19What is this sport?
11:22So, I've never done a leapfrog before.
11:24So, I wanted to do that.
11:26I've also never scored a goal.
11:27So, I thought I could do both simultaneously and crucially,
11:30while I was in the air, I thought that would be quite tricky.
11:33I mean, you landed perfectly on his back.
11:35Yeah!
11:36Scrambled his head around.
11:37But it was genuinely impressive.
11:39Now, Rosie.
11:40Yes.
11:41As far as I can work out, the sport is...
11:43Tricky numbers.
11:45Yes.
11:46Well, that's the way you might describe it.
11:48LAUGHTER
11:49I mean, literally, what I saw was a woman touch her privates...
11:53LAUGHTER
11:54..and then round her back.
11:55Yeah.
11:56You vomited.
11:57Yes.
11:58You did a rudimentary maths sum.
11:59Yeah.
12:00You vomited again.
12:02Tricky numbers.
12:03All right.
12:04Classic RTT.
12:05Tricky.
12:06Do you know the trick of the nine times tables on your hands?
12:08I mean, I think probably everyone in the room can do this.
12:11LAUGHTER
12:12Let's see how fast you are.
12:13Seven nines?
12:1463.
12:15BUZZER
12:16Must be another one.
12:17But I'm not impressed.
12:18It's awesome.
12:19You can't go over nine for this system.
12:22So, I can't say 11 nines?
12:24Oh, no.
12:25LAUGHTER
12:27OK, time for a break.
12:29Here we are, Alex.
12:30That's it.
12:31Good boy.
12:32Good boy.
12:33Good boy.
12:34APPLAUSE
12:47Welcome back, everybody.
12:48Yes, and it really is high from me too.
12:51Before the break, the task found our athletes having to commentate on themselves,
12:55achieving something really tricky before achieving that really tricky thing.
12:59Now for the attempts of Fatia El Ghori and Matthew L. Bainton.
13:03LAUGHTER
13:04I can record two commentaries so that I've got a backup.
13:08Today we get to see the magnificent athlete Fatia El Ghori fly a plane through the Taskmaster dome.
13:15And here comes Bainton with the iconic 19 vest.
13:21Give me a warm-up.
13:22Ready to take on the really tricky thing of keepy-uppies with a tennis ball.
13:30He's got, funnily enough, 19 to beat to take home the goal.
13:36LAUGHTER
13:37And in her hand we see A4 white paper.
13:40So this looks very tricky because she's got really little fingers.
13:44We're very worried that she might get a paper cut, but she's been working with Andy Murray's coach.
13:49And at this point it's almost certain that he's done ten keepy-uppies.
13:56Nine that time.
13:58LAUGHTER
13:59No!
14:00Twenty keepy-uppies.
14:02Thirty keepy-uppies.
14:05Iconic.
14:07And here we go, any minute now.
14:09Here we go, here we go, here we go.
14:10Oh, and there it is.
14:12Well done, Fettin.
14:13She is the best.
14:15LAUGHTER
14:18Can we go closer?
14:20Good idea.
14:21This is your 50th attempt.
14:22People will say, don't pick something you can't do.
14:25But this has to be really tricky.
14:27And I think I've proved that.
14:29Where are the grapes?
14:30She's rocking a little bit and she's going to throw it any second now.
14:34And it's gone in through the dome.
14:36I mean, I didn't doubt her, but I was a little bit sceptical.
14:40Magnificent athlete.
14:41And here comes Bainton to try and attempt the record for the highest thrown and caught-in-the-mouth grape.
14:54Oh, that first attempt didn't play out.
14:57And there's no rules about how many attempts you're allowed, so that's fine.
15:02Oh, he's really slung that one.
15:04Oh, he's caught it!
15:06Unbelievable scenes!
15:09That's a really tricky thing!
15:13Iconic!
15:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
15:20With a whistle of hindsight, knowing how good you are at keeping uppies,
15:24was 19 the right goal to set yourself?
15:26I thought with a football it wouldn't be that impressive,
15:29it wouldn't look like an RTT.
15:31So I went...
15:33I went tennis ball and I overestimated my ability.
15:37But, the grape thing, different story.
15:41But was it an RTT? He did it on his second go.
15:44But it was as high as the house.
15:45But it was high.
15:46Yes, Iconic is what we're looking for.
15:48I think it's strong.
15:49OK.
15:50I thought yours was good as well.
15:51Don't blame me.
15:52I'm not blame you.
15:53Lovely attention to detail.
15:55Andy Murray's coach.
15:57He's jumped over from tennis, why not?
16:00How did you feel about the first attempt?
16:03Awful.
16:04Crushing.
16:05But the second?
16:06I mean, I was surprised by how excited I was.
16:09You want to see someone else?
16:11Yeah!
16:12It's time for the handsome stranger from overseas.
16:15Yes, it's Jason Manzoukas.
16:16Ooh!
16:17And here we are back again at Taskmaster Sports.
16:21Up next, Jason Manzoukas.
16:23He's exiting the Taskmaster house with undue confidence.
16:27But can he achieve an iconic tricky thing?
16:30We don't know.
16:31Alex Horne is following him behind, wondering what exactly is Jason Manzoukas up to?
16:35And oh!
16:36Oh!
16:37Wait!
16:38He's getting on top of the hunch!
16:39Manzoukas is...
16:40He's got a ladder.
16:41He's got a ladder and he's trying to get it onto the roof.
16:44I've said it, so it is happening.
16:47He's starting to scale the roof.
16:49Alex Horne is freaking out.
16:51Never before in Taskmaster history has anybody gotten onto the roof, but American comedian Jason Manzoukas is going to be the first person in history.
16:59Oh!
17:00Alex Horne is on the phone.
17:01Alex is shutting it down!
17:02Alex is shutting down the most iconic, really tricky thing that's ever been attempted.
17:07Jason Manzoukas is now being pulled off at the roof by a bunch of people dressed just like him?
17:14Is this what he makes them do?
17:17Huh?
17:18I'm being told that Jason Manzoukas makes everyone in the crew dress exactly like him when he's shooting so that everybody knows what it feels like to be great.
17:26His words, not mine.
17:28Well, they've got him down.
17:30He's safe.
17:31But the really tricky thing has not been achieved.
17:33Another failure for Jason Manzoukas in a lifetime full of epic fail.
17:39What a piece of shit.
17:47Nailed it.
17:49Sure.
17:50Full-throated commentary.
17:51Oh, yeah.
17:52A lot of excitement from you.
17:54Did you do the tricky thing?
17:55The tricky thing was not accomplished.
17:57Yeah.
17:58Why?
17:59Because Alex Horne shut it down.
18:01I loved the commentary, but I think I have to go with the spirit of the task and that was to achieve a tricky thing.
18:07I understand.
18:08I mean, I think you're absolutely fucking stupid for saying that.
18:12Right.
18:13I enjoyed it, but I'm afraid I must give him one point because he didn't achieve the tricky thing that he advertised he would be doing that was tricky.
18:21OK.
18:22So, it's one point to Jason.
18:23There you go.
18:24I don't know how tricky jumping on your back and heading a goal is.
18:27Oh!
18:28But it's context-based.
18:29It's tricky for me.
18:30You could see I couldn't even achieve it.
18:32What?
18:33Did it say tricky for you personally, the task?
18:35Oh, fair enough.
18:36No.
18:37So, I must give you two points.
18:40Two points for Steve.
18:41You've got it.
18:42Up we go.
18:43OK.
18:44Well done.
18:46Well done.
18:47Yeah.
18:48And here we go.
18:49He threw a grape into his mouth.
18:50Yes.
18:51I made a paper plane and flied it.
18:52They both flied their things.
18:53He's ridiculing you.
18:54I'm not quoting.
18:55It's all right, don't worry.
18:56I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
18:57When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
18:58Got it.
18:59Is that your dirty look?
19:00Yeah.
19:01Oh.
19:02Oh.
19:03Oh.
19:04Oh.
19:05Oh.
19:06Don't worry.
19:07I'm busy giving you a dirty look.
19:08When I finish with you, I'm going to go to him.
19:10Got it.
19:11Is that your dirty look?
19:12Yeah.
19:13Oh.
19:14Don't worry.
19:15We're going to get married.
19:16You don't understand.
19:17This is foreplay.
19:19I think, and my future wife is going to hate me for this,
19:24that I found the passion with which he took that high grape
19:28to be the most iconic.
19:29OK.
19:30So, I'm going to give him five.
19:31But, Fatia, four points for throwing a paper airplane.
19:33There's a happy five for Matthew.
19:37Right.
19:38Let's have a peek at the scoreboard, please.
19:39Yes.
19:40Well, Jason's at the bottom with four.
19:41Right at the top, maximum points.
19:42Matthew Bainton, ten points.
19:44Wow.
19:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
19:47OK.
19:48Can we have something nice and special?
19:50Just a bloody bit, because it's team time!
19:53Oh!
19:54Ooh!
19:55Oh!
19:56Also, let's go!
19:57Oh, yeah!
19:58Ooh.
19:59Ooh.
20:00Ooh.
20:01Ooh.
20:02Ooh.
20:03Ooh.
20:06Ooh!
20:07Ooh!
20:12Do you ever sat on a cow?
20:14you have a sound account I'm not no what have you sat on um horse a horse anything else no
20:33I can remember hi hi Rosie hi have you ever sat on a cow and no okay same as Matt nothing smaller
20:50not a shape or a dog no I don't think that would be responsible okay okay hello
21:00how are you okay thank you good to ask you do you want to read you've got a better voice than me no
21:15you go on he's got he's enough days like me too he'll read it better I'll pay more attention
21:20have you ever sat on a cow no I don't like heights do you like I'm just like this bro
21:34I've got a spare hijab shall I put it on him
21:40give Alex exactly 100 marbles on a plate and an egg cup full of tepid water right one of you must
21:57always be sitting down one of you must always be jumping and one of you must always be clapping
22:03your hands you must each change your action every 30 seconds and no one may hold anything for more
22:11than five seconds at a time you're a liberty bro fastest wins your time starts when Alex blows his
22:18whistle teams all seem to get on I'm sure it was a little awkward but I've no doubt you pulled it
22:30all together okay all right well it's the team of twos turn to take the tepid test yes it's Mandzukas
22:35and Martin and marbles I'm jumping oh you just need to put them down every five yeah you're getting
22:53the hang of it straight away thank you put those down please please change actions okay I think so
22:59make sure it's tepid water put them down please Stevie keep jumping I think this is hot what's tepid
23:18it is not hot and not cold oh I get it here we go Stevie oh I found the marble switch switch how many did you do
23:29unclear you're gonna have to put that down now okay I found one marble oh I'd love it if someone was
23:42clapping oh my god I'm so tired do you think this is an egg cup or do I need to find an egg cup that's a
23:54lid that's a lid let's look at the task again Stevie yeah Stevie huge news yeah there's a goddamn map on the
24:05back of the task put it down Stevie okay hold on oh well that's you found it please switch
24:12go Stevie yeah Stevie mix the water Stevie oh my legs are on fire
24:41That's perfect. That's how I like it.
24:45Shall I just give these two of you... Yeah!
24:48..and all of the marbles that will...
24:52Do you want me to stop the clock? Stop it!
24:54Stop it, you arsehole!
24:59Well done.
25:03What a team. Wow. Powerhouse.
25:05And we all know what the absolute highlight of that...
25:08..was.
25:10I remember doing that, and I was like,
25:12I'm still really going.
25:17I've sort of never seen another human move like that.
25:21Do you want to see it again, though?
25:23Of course I want to see it again.
25:25Go, Steven!
25:33Imagine there's an invisible jump rope in there.
25:36Can you see it again? Let's watch it again.
25:38Let's watch it again.
25:39Yes, Steven!
25:43Not sped up, not sped up.
25:44Do you want to give any statistics about them?
25:46Sub-12 minutes, 11 minutes 45.
25:49Incredible.
25:50OK, that's part two over and done with.
25:52Part three next, then four.
25:53You must know how this works by now.
25:55We'll see you in a minute.
25:56APPLAUSE
26:07Hello!
26:08Welcome back!
26:09Where were we, Alex?
26:10Now for the team of three, Fatia, Matt and Rosie.
26:16Right, clap!
26:17Right.
26:18I'm going to have to sit here.
26:19Go.
26:22Pass it to me.
26:23You open them.
26:24You're sitting down.
26:27Can I jump?
26:28I'll jump.
26:29Please put that down now.
26:30That's water.
26:31Yeah, you open it.
26:32You open it.
26:33Are you jumping, Fatia?
26:34Yes, I am.
26:35Just because I'm doing it one leg, there's still a jump.
26:37Is it?
26:38Yeah.
26:39Yeah, that's tepid.
26:40Rocky, brother.
26:41Have you not seen Rocky?
26:42We need an egg cup.
26:43We need an egg cup.
26:45Egg cup!
26:46Yes!
26:47There's a plate here.
26:48It's had someone's breakfast on it, I think.
26:51Please put the plate down.
26:54What's going on?
26:55What about in there?
26:57Oh, there's marbles.
26:58The marbles are here.
26:59There's marbles.
27:00100 marbles on a plate.
27:01I can't hold it for long.
27:04Please change your action.
27:06Everyone.
27:13Mix them, mix them, mix them.
27:15Right, whoever sat down needs to count the eggs.
27:17Yeah.
27:18Apparently someone needs to count the eggs.
27:19Why do we have to count the eggs?
27:20Count the marbles.
27:21That's perfect.
27:22It's not too hot, not too cold.
27:2497.
27:2598.
27:26We need two.
27:27Yes.
27:28Have you lost your marbles?
27:30I remember early on some were thrown over here, so I'm just...
27:34I remember that.
27:35I remember I threw them here.
27:36Yeah.
27:37I can't find them.
27:38Yeah.
27:39I can't find them.
27:40I can't find them.
27:41Yeah.
27:42Shall we get a rake and rake the grass?
27:43That's a good idea.
27:44I can't hear any clapping.
27:45There were enough marbles there.
27:46Oh, come on.
27:47This is crazy.
27:48Are you jumping, Rosie?
27:49Oh, my God.
27:50Well, this is a mess.
27:51We've got two more to find.
27:52I think we've lost the task.
27:55Are you holding anything?
27:56Do you know what?
27:57Oh, I found one!
27:58I found two!
27:59I found one!
28:00Woo!
28:01I found two!
28:02Yes!
28:03Is that it?
28:04Is that it?
28:05All changed.
28:06What am I doing?
28:07In the plate.
28:08In the plate.
28:09Deliver the plate to us twice.
28:10One!
28:11Two!
28:12One!
28:13One!
28:14One!
28:15One!
28:16One!
28:17One!
28:18One!
28:19One!
28:20One!
28:21One!
28:22One!
28:23One!
28:24One!
28:25One!
28:26One!
28:27I've stopped the clock.
28:28Are you happy with that?
28:29Yes!
28:30Well...
28:31Happy is a strong word.
28:32APPLAUSE
28:38I guess the obvious thing we need to talk about is what your definition of jumping is.
28:44Fatia?
28:45Yeah?
28:46Do you want to jump this?
28:47Yeah!
28:48Because you were just stepping.
28:50And when someone said you were supposed to be jumping, you shouted, and I've written
28:54it down...
28:55Rocky bruv.
28:56LAUGHTER
28:57Yeah, you don't know when he jumps from foot to foot, innit?
29:00But it...
29:01When he runs.
29:02LAUGHTER
29:03Rosie, you pleased with your jumping?
29:05I think I was alright.
29:06Let's see Rosie jumping, shall we?
29:08OK, here's Rosie jumping.
29:09Are you jumping, Rosie?
29:11LAUGHTER
29:12LAUGHTER
29:13That's actually twerking.
29:15She's quiet, isn't it?
29:17Let's ask the big question.
29:19Why did you throw the marble?
29:21LAUGHTER
29:22Because he was shouting, innit?
29:25He was going, don't hold it, don't hold it, and blowing his whistle and I just couldn't
29:29take it.
29:30They took pretty much twice as long.
29:32The team of two took 11 minutes 45, you guys took 22 minutes 34.
29:36The only thing I would say in my job as administrative assistant,
29:40it was to bring me exactly 100 marbles on a plate.
29:43If I show you the two teams' efforts...
29:45Oh!
29:46Oh!
29:47Is it a double disqualification?
29:49Oh!
29:50Is that a plate on the left?
29:52It looks tambourine-y.
29:54Given everyone's understanding of the word jump, I'm tempted to allow plate.
29:58We're allowing the tambourine?
29:59Let's assume it's a yes.
30:01OK.
30:02And then let's talk about marbles.
30:03Oh, well, it's obviously worth counting the marbles.
30:04There had to be exactly 100 marbles.
30:06Oh!
30:07I counted the marbles.
30:08I have to count the marbles.
30:09Of course.
30:10So I split them up into tens.
30:11It's my system, Rosie.
30:12We've all got systems, haven't we?
30:13LAUGHTER
30:14I knew you were a seven-go, that's all it is.
30:16I split them into ten like this.
30:18Ten, ten, ten, ten, ten.
30:20They both did really well.
30:21We've got 100 and we've got 100...
30:22Oh!
30:23We've got 101 over that size!
30:25What?
30:26Well, that's your fault.
30:27And in a tambourine.
30:28We're putting more marbles in a place where we were meant to find marbles.
30:30We deliberately put more marbles in a place.
30:32Clever.
30:33Yeah.
30:34Thank God that Fatia threw some of the marbles away.
30:36Yeah!
30:37Do you know what?
30:38Actually, yeah.
30:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:41So are we saying the team of three get five points?
30:43Of course they do.
30:44Five points.
30:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
30:47I think on this occasion I have to reward effort and hilarity.
30:51OK.
30:52So I can't give them nothing.
30:53Right.
30:54I think one is fair because they failed on both counts.
30:57OK.
30:58One and five points to the team of three.
30:59There we go.
31:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
31:02OK.
31:03Let's please.
31:04Yes, please.
31:05And it's time to get wet in the Submaravan, please.
31:07MUSIC
31:20Here we go.
31:21Hello.
31:22Oh, welcome to my...
31:23Oh, sorry about that.
31:24Oh, gosh.
31:25Hello.
31:26Oh, Stevie.
31:27You've just written the word Stevie on your pad.
31:28I was guessing who was going to come in.
31:30Matthew.
31:31Alex.
31:32Welcome to my home.
31:33Don't live here, do you?
31:34I eat, sleep, urinate, do everything here.
31:35Oh, yeah, it smells like it.
31:36You ready?
31:37Mm-hm.
31:38What's in here?
31:39Oh!
31:40Get the most liquid in this can.
31:41You may not leave the Submaravan.
31:43You have 15 minutes.
31:44OK.
31:45OK.
31:46OK.
31:47OK.
31:48OK.
31:49OK.
31:50OK.
31:51OK.
31:52OK.
31:53OK.
31:54OK.
31:55OK.
31:56OK.
31:57OK.
31:58OK.
31:59We have 15 minutes.
32:01Your time starts now.
32:03I do need a wee, and that's a problem for you.
32:06LAUGHTER
32:08APPLAUSE
32:09So, get as much liquid into the tin as possible.
32:14Absolutely.
32:15Who's first?
32:16Here they come.
32:17It's rosemary and fattier.
32:19Get the most liquid.
32:20I've seen liquid there.
32:21Oh, milk.
32:22Milk.
32:23All right, let's get these.
32:24What are your feelings on milk?
32:26I hate milk.
32:28Yeah.
32:29The things you have to do in this place, I'll tell you...
32:33What's this? Toiletries. Yeah.
32:35Are these liquids? You get them taken off, you're on a flight.
32:38Ah, bath pearls.
32:40Yeah, but they need to melt. Quick time, bruv.
32:44This is liquid. Liquid.
32:48What's this? Oh! Ice!
32:50Ice!
32:51Hold on, hold on. There's something in here, and it says...
32:55Decking cleaner. Yeah, that's how I clean the decking.
32:57Oh, you've just activated it, yeah.
33:00OK.
33:01Yeah.
33:02So it's started?
33:03Yeah, it's going on the suit to the decking.
33:06Oh! Oh!
33:09OK, happy bit of understanding now!
33:12Oh, look, there's a little thing here.
33:14Right, here we go.
33:16Can I do that? Let's try it.
33:23Ooh!
33:25Yeah.
33:26It's working.
33:27Yeah, of course it's working. I made it.
33:29LAUGHTER
33:30Something's happening.
33:31Where did that come from?
33:32Did it go into the tin?
33:33No.
33:34Ah.
33:35The tin was the other way, because I was waiting for it to come from there.
33:36That's a shame.
33:37Excuse me.
33:38There's something that could be quicker, isn't there? You know there is.
33:43Oh, are these real grapes? All right, we're going to squash the grapes.
33:46What's out here? Are you kidding me?
33:4825 seconds.
33:49Why didn't I look out here? Oh my God!
33:50You haven't got that long.
33:51I busted the pearls.
33:52You busted the pearls?
33:53Yeah, bro.
33:54It took a couple of seconds.
33:55Have I?
33:56You're going to have to be really quick.
33:57OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.
33:58I'm curious.
33:59Sorry.
34:00These are not real, man, and look at my best look.
34:01Sorry.
34:02I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
34:04I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
34:05I'm sorry.
34:06I'm sorry!
34:07I'm sorry.
34:09I'm sorry!
34:10I'm sorry!
34:11I'm sorry!
34:12I'm sorry...
34:13I'm sorry.
34:15i'm sorry!
34:16i'm sorry!
34:17Do you have any time you saw these?
34:18eli
34:20006inander
34:21whereas the peatresibility
34:21Sorry.
34:28The question I found myself asking was how much you understand
34:31about the way that liquids work.
34:34Quake me if I'm wrong, you just put the tin on its side.
34:38Yeah. So, did you think it would flow in and then just...
34:42Just do it. Stay there.
34:48At the moment I'm just gathering information so I understand.
34:52So it's two wet men now, Jason and Mason. Here we go.
34:57OK.
35:03Solid. For now.
35:11It is quite a powerful shower, so beware.
35:16That's how I like my showers.
35:18Good to get a nice flow in the morning. What?
35:20Why would you say that?
35:32Oh. Oh.
35:34Breakfast drink!
35:37Alex, could you go hand me that?
35:39I'm not allowed out of the Submaravan.
35:40OK.
35:46Have I left the caravan?
35:48Where are your feet?
35:49My feet are inside of it, I believe.
35:51You're fine.
35:52Thank you, sir.
35:55This is how I have to get it every morning. It's a nightmare.
35:57Ooh, this is dicey.
36:02Ooh, I don't love this.
36:10Not a problem.
36:12Take it yourself.
36:14It's a small triumph.
36:15OK.
36:16Is this piss?
36:17OK, this seems like it's part of that shower.
36:20Why didn't all that water come out?
36:21Is it doing anything when I did that?
36:22Yeah, it's leaking.
36:23This is going to take ages, isn't it?
36:24It's almost as if these tasks are designed to make a fall of you.
36:30It's quite beautiful, though.
36:31Mmm.
36:32I've got all this liquid here that I wish would just come out.
36:33Oh, ho, ho, ho.
36:34Damn it!
36:35God damn it!
36:36God damn it!
36:37Yeah!
36:38Yeah!
36:39Yeah!
36:40Yeah!
36:41Yeah!
36:42Yeah!
36:43Yeah!
36:44Yeah!
36:45Yeah!
36:46Yeah!
36:47Yeah!
36:48Yeah!
36:49Yeah!
36:50Yeah!
36:51Yeah!
36:52Yeah!
36:53Yeah!
36:54Yeah!
36:55Yeah!
36:56Yeah!
36:57Yeah!
36:58Yeah!
36:59Yeah!
37:00How do you get water to come out of the drain pipe over there?
37:03It looks like some sort of Rube Goldberg machine.
37:08OK.
37:09Let's see if this works.
37:14Oh, here it comes.
37:15Something's happening.
37:16Yeah, that's exciting.
37:17Oh, dear.
37:18That's just my leg.
37:19Mmm.
37:20And my skin.
37:21I guess if you bleed into it, that'll help.
37:23Not a bad point.
37:25I've cut myself...
37:26That's my blood now.
37:28Oh, my God.
37:29OK.
37:3420 seconds.
37:3520 seconds?
37:36You break your fucking...
37:38Five seconds.
37:39WHISTLE BLOWS
37:40That's your time up.
37:41Time up
37:49Latent rage with both of you. How do you feel spending time with Alex Horne?
37:57But this rage Matthew, did you feel it in the caravan very very often not just in the caravan?
38:05Almost every time I read a task it was in immediate
38:09But you up to this stage you've been very gentle very amenable and at one point you managed to get the breakfast drink in using the grabber
38:16And you really cockily went not a problem
38:22They both did very well in there. I can't tell you yet
38:25Okay time for the last break of the show some snooty prizes will be won including a hat from Eton and a painting of a tortoise as a war general the middle class is
38:39I
38:48Can't believe it's part four there's just one person left to go in the task where they have to fill the can with the most liquid
38:54Yes, well, you better believe it Greg and you'd better also believe II. It's time for Stevie
38:59Couldn't have been that easy could it be trying to turn the tap on yeah, obviously that would be number one what I'd be trying to do
39:15Ice what are you doing with the ice I'm holding it in my hand so that it warms and drips
39:22Now we're cooking with gas wait is wax a liquid it is when it's liquid
39:31Okay, I'm gonna set fire to this right start a small fuck. That's gonna keep it warm
39:36Um
39:38I'll just screw it if you break it
39:40Oh Jesus Christ
39:42It's not worked
39:44I'll just put it over the sink
39:46Liquid you say
39:48What have you made straws?
39:50I could wait
39:52I think what I would gain in amount of liquid I'd lose in every other element
39:56Why's that window open?
39:58Okay
40:00Okay
40:02I can't
40:04So I can't leave
40:06Three minutes Stevie
40:08Yeah
40:10Okay
40:12We've made a connection
40:14Yes, what do you think is gonna happen?
40:16How in God's name are you meant to do that?
40:26It's not like a long litter picker that I've not seen
40:30Probably one minute left
40:32What are you talking about probably?
40:38Oh shut up
40:41Shut up
40:4232 seconds
40:44Yes
40:45Okay, I'm bringing him home
40:47Right, 23 seconds
40:48Shut up
40:49Pardon
40:52Jesus
40:54Christ
40:56Yeah
40:57About 15 seconds
40:58Really
41:06That's the timer
41:15It was absolutely dreadful
41:16Yeah, it was awful
41:17Yeah, but
41:18I really enjoyed watching it
41:19Yes, well it was the worst Stevie's one by far
41:22We've actually measured them
41:23We froze the water
41:24It was the easiest way to represent what you did
41:25You froze the amount of liquid?
41:26Yeah
41:27Oh nice
41:28Into ducts
41:29Oh
41:30Aww
41:31So you can see Matthew's ducts
41:32Cute
41:33The breakfast
41:34Wow
41:35It was nice and the breakfast drink gave her that lovely colour
41:37Yeah
41:38So if we see that on the graph
41:39Stevie, you only got 2.5 ducts, 219 millilitres
41:42Then we got Rosie, 6 ducts
41:45Ooh
41:46Matthew, you got your 10.7 ducts, of course
41:48Wow
41:49Jason, 16.2 ducts
41:52But Fatia, 8.6 ducts, so slightly there
41:54So as you can see, it's 1 point to Stevie, 2 to Rosie, 3 to Fatia, 4 to Matt and 5 to Jason Mantzuka
42:07Right, please make your way to the stage for the final task of the show
42:11To the best boy in the land, you know that?
42:21I'm good at jumping
42:22He's having a pop at you, you know that?
42:25And you're going to let him chat to your woman like that?
42:28Who's going to read the task?
42:30I think Jason should read this one, please
42:33Here we go
42:35Choose an item from each box and place them on the corresponding half of your table
42:40You have one minute, your time starts on the whistle
42:44There are 10 items in the boxes altogether
42:46You're each going to have two items on your table in the end
42:49One on the right-hand side from the right box, one on the left-hand side from the left box
42:52You've only got a minute, so you're going to have to decide who gets which in your own way
42:58Ready everybody, one minute, on the whistle
43:02Right, okay, let's open the boxes
43:04Right a look
43:05I'll just go back
43:06Shall we, are we just giving this, I just think
43:09I don't know what this means
43:11You're not meant to announce the joy
43:13It doesn't make sense
43:15Take an item from the right box
43:17Just take an item from the right box
43:19Just take an item from the right box
43:20No, someone stop the right item
43:22Okay, someone swap with me because I'm not popping these
43:25I know he's going to say pop it
43:27Please put them down, that's it
43:28We've all got two items
43:29Well, Jason, you know, read the next task
43:33One at a time, pass the item on your right
43:37To the person on your right
43:39And the item on your left to the person on your left
43:44I'll talk you through this, but you're going to end up with balloons, Fatia
43:47That's the headline
43:48So, Fatia, what's on the left of your table?
43:50Foil
43:51Please give the foil to the person on your left
43:53Okay, and please give the trousers to the person on your left, Jason
43:57And so on
43:58So the balls go to Rosie
44:00Cardboard goes to Stevie
44:02And the piping goes all the way round to Fatia
44:04And while you're there, Fatia's going to give you a sleeping bag
44:08And then what do I get? Do I get that?
44:10No, you're going to get the balloons
44:12That's going to go on the right-hand side
44:13Oh, okay
44:14Yeah, yeah, yeah
44:15Over they go
44:16Matthew, please give him the safe
44:17Thank you
44:18The microwave goes to Matthew
44:20And the flower goes to Rosie
44:22Oh my God, I don't even have a pot
44:24I don't even have a pot
44:25They're ready, Greg, for part three of the task
44:28Okay
44:29Put one of your items completely inside the other item
44:33Fastest wins
44:35Your time starts on the whistle
44:37It has to be completely inside the other item
44:40It's up to you which goes in which
44:42Your time starts
44:43Oh, fuck out
44:45You're going to have to put one inside the other one, Fatia
44:48Can I blow them off?
44:49You're going to have to pot them, Fatia
44:51I feel like I'm going to have to pot them
44:53You're going to have to pot them
44:55How come I can't enter the code?
45:10How do you know the code?
45:11It's on the balloon
45:12It is on the balloon
45:132851
45:14It's on the balloon
45:15But it won't register
45:16I think you can put it in the foil
45:19But I know the code
45:22I know I did the code part
45:27Yeah
45:28Did it win?
45:29I didn't pick you out
45:30What else is about?
45:31Well, they've got to be completely inside, Fatia
45:33Chase has done it
45:34They've got to be completely inside
45:36They've got to be completely inside the sheets
45:38There it is
45:39There it is
45:40There it is
45:41Yeah
45:43CHEERING
45:44Well, that's the score
45:45It's your final score
45:46Come down and join me
45:47CHEERING
45:48CHEERING
45:49How could a simple task like that be so contentious?
45:56Yeah, so Rosie only got one point in the end
45:58Oh
45:59Because she was the slowest by some distance
46:01Fatia, you've got two points
46:02Jason, three points
46:03Matt, four
46:04But Stevie Martin, the overall winner, gets five points
46:06CHEERING
46:07I just want to say
46:09If my safe had worked
46:11I would have nailed it
46:13Jason was very unlucky
46:14He spotted the code to the safe
46:16Which was on the balloons next to him
46:17But I'd forgotten to change the batteries in the safe
46:19So
46:21I mean
46:22Fuck
46:23You do
46:24It's a very interesting final scoreboard
46:26We have three people in joint third
46:28Can you believe it?
46:29Jason, Rosie and Stevie
46:30All in 13 points
46:31Fatia's in second place with 15 points
46:33But the runaway leader with 23 points
46:35It's Matthew Bainton
46:36CHEERING
46:37Matthew Bainton
46:40Where is the episode?
46:41Please shoot up to the stage and claim your snooty booty
46:45CHEERING
46:46CHEERING
46:47It's Buck Swan
46:49Thank you
46:52Thank you
46:54The прошлles
46:55먹는
46:57T obeying
46:59The
47:02Variety
47:04Getting
47:13You