- 9 months ago
Therapy Thursday: How To Deal With Bullies
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00:00which therapist you need therapy thursday now on wild 94.1 i understand therapy hi everybody
00:05all right therapy thursday is on eight at eight four two nine zero ninety four one we take your
00:11questions on text or we take calls either way we got a bunch of y'all let's see out of the eight
00:17six three already we got good morning freaks it's not easy to walk away from an 18 year marriage but
00:24my husband has become boring i have dropped hints time after time and even tried to explain to him
00:33in ways i feel he would understand we both married very young we had many good years but i am to the
00:41point where i'm getting so frustrated he refuses to change and i'm starting to believe this is just
00:47who he is we have four beautiful kids but i am thinking about walking away am i unhappy here
00:54or am i overreacting okay i am unhappy here am i overreacting uh i don't think you're overreacting
01:00you know how you're feeling um and obviously this has been happening for a while i don't think he's
01:05taking you seriously um yeah you guys need to spice it up you need to do something i wouldn't just jump
01:11off of the relationship and and look for something else right away i mean you guys have been together
01:15really long time that's something that you guys should cherish and work on your relationship
01:19together whether it's planning date nights at least once a month or going on vacations just
01:24alone i mean you should put just as much effort into your relationship as you do your job it's
01:29just you know you have to water your garden a little bit two things that jumped out at me one
01:34is i have dropped hints many times maybe he's not catching your hints maybe you should say it with
01:41in no uncertain words lay out exactly what the problem is and the second thing that also jumps out
01:47of me it says my husband has become boring okay i understand that but i wonder how he feels maybe
01:54if the shoe was on the other foot he would say that you have become boring not trying to point fingers
01:59or or show blame but i think this is something that you guys have to do together and it has to be
02:05clear as day what the issue is yeah 18 years of marriage both of y'all probably got comfortable so
02:09you know if you gotta nudge him and he gotta nudge you to do that nudging together yeah a little
02:14nudge and to make it right a little nudge all right what else we got um this one says my best
02:18friend is hanging out with my first boyfriend ever who has been an ex for over 20 years but on and off
02:25we've been talking and recently we were talking and we found i found out that they were hanging out
02:30without me uh when i confronted her about it she said it's none of my business because she's known him
02:36all of her life and they've been friends since childhood i have tried to start a family with him
02:41six months ago taking on the responsibility of his child um and his mother that he lost because of
02:48covid so it hurt my feelings and am i wrong or should i just cut her off i don't think that's
02:55really your best friend because best friend code is like one of the top things in best friend code
03:01is you don't dibble and dabble with the ex off limit that's a violation and i think you are crossing
03:07into territory of you should probably cut her off or at least create some distance from her
03:12and what type of guy is this though because he's seeing you and her at the same time
03:16i mean there's probably some crossover there like he feels he's out on one so he went on the other and
03:21that's that's not supposed to be fair that's not supposed to be like available yeah for you you're
03:25not supposed to be an option if you're an option for him to all at him that means that you probably
03:30been in the wrong space for a minute and but remember where your loyalty should have who should
03:35have your loyalty it's not the ex it's your best friend you can't expect moral behavior from a past
03:42relationship but you should from somebody that you call your bff there you go your day one we got a
03:48text it says my husband and our neighbor are in a neighborhood war over christmas decorations him and
03:54the man across the street have been going at it for three years i think it's way too much i don't
03:59i don't like how the house looks and he plans on doing more this weekend i've brought it up to him
04:04and he just doesn't want to lose the christmas battle now it's this i assume this is like a
04:10griswold kind of thing where they're going lights yeah like crazy you know what if this is what your
04:16man i know a lot of women say this i'm going to repeat them if your man is doing something at home
04:22let him do it because he could be out there in the streets that's i'm just going to say that
04:26because that's a lot of people who are going to write in but it is kind of like helping his like
04:31his his interest if you want him to be out there in the streets gambling or drinking or doing something
04:37crazy that's you know that's that's much worse than him having an innocent fight with the neighbor
04:43across the street you do have a point and as somebody that i mean it's pulling teeth to get
04:48my man to like even decorate the house i have to do a lot of it myself i'm just saying a lot of women
04:53would be like oh go ahead have fun even if i don't love all the decorations enjoy yourself
04:58decorate yeah does is it really affecting you do you really like it's not that classy maybe he has
05:03too much crazy stuff up let him go have a little fun now i will tell you that the lights do matter
05:08though because if somebody got all that blinking going on and all that plus the multi-colored lights
05:12i know all y'all need to just get pushed off the earth you don't like the multi-colored lights
05:15they got to be a little white or nothing like if i see the blues and the reds i'm like oh my god
05:20that's so tacky you know i think it's tacky is the the um like the hologram the light that gets
05:26like projected onto the onto the fake snow the fake snow trash it is it's trash anybody who got a
05:33good house you got a nice white line of lights right there pristine talk to everything else is
05:38blinking with music and walking around like all that stuff you guys are so judging when it comes to
05:43all y'all will get pushed off the earth that's what i'm saying so we agree with you but let your man do
05:47that because he innocent all right we got more your calls coming up therapy thursday part two on
05:51the other side of diddy yeah you uh let's see we got a phone call and robert is on the line robert
05:58what's going on this morning nothing much man working hey um what question do you have for dr davi
06:05meredith md or myself uh this is my first time calling hey first time caller first time caller
06:13welcome to the freak show robert what's going on nothing much okay so i got i have two beautiful
06:22little children and thankfully i wasn't married to their mother but she's just she's an absolute mess
06:30um i've had them pretty much full custody last year so i'm definitely hustling you know
06:36my bills are like five grand a month i'm tight they they have a good life you know i could just
06:42never seem to get away from the drama so well i don't understand what dramas you said she there
06:49she's not in their life so how i don't understand why you have drama okay so she's in their life but
06:56it's like not as much as i would need okay okay so she's not helping she's popping up right so a
07:07little bit of time that she is there it's just nothing but problems and drama i thought about
07:13bringing her to court but then that would hurt me because my lawyer already said listen like
07:20you're gonna win this no like hands down you'll win this case if i do that then i have to i get
07:28that pretty much gets rid of the state assistance on child care okay daycare is not cheap nowadays no
07:36it's not but i mean okay so she pops up so you have partial of a partner but you take them away you're
07:44going to have zero partner so sometimes you got to weigh the what you got to weigh the consequences
07:49and say is 30 percent uh better than 50 basically just to put that in a nutshell and uh and like she
07:57would get put on child support if anything but it'd be she doesn't make a lot of money so like it would
08:01it would not even help me at all barely pay for my gas so what is the question because i mean you've
08:05given us a long filled with theatrical pauses uh synopsis of what's going on what's the question
08:12this is the first time i've ever done something like this um it's okay i just i'm just stuck i
08:17have no family here it's just me and my kids um like i just i don't i don't know what to do like
08:23it's just you know i get harassed by her i get harassed by her her little boyfriend and they just
08:29here here's what here's what you here's what you need to do you need to take control of of what you
08:35can control um and you have you don't first of all it's just in a perception like don't think about
08:42it as you're being stuck you have the blessing of having your kids because you sound like a good
08:46dad and you sound like your attentive much more than she is so you're building something here it
08:52might feel like it's just you and them right now but that's the foundation of what you got you don't
08:57have her help you don't have you know her influence on much so let her have that don't don't don't try
09:04and force that part of that's the stress that you have bills and stuff like that money and stuff
09:10like that i get it that's a stress it's not so much me i'm worried about it's the kids because
09:16like every big problem that pops up it the kids are in the middle of it and it's affecting them
09:23well then you have then you have to then you have to be you have to be the protector and you have
09:29to shuttle you can't you can't get away from it and and and protect them so you might need to
09:36suck it up and absorb that and protect these kids keep them from having to show having to
09:44shoulder it you know what i'm saying like yeah that's i mean that's what we do as parents you
09:48know what i mean we we have to kind of buffer that we have to be the stopgap for that right and i'll
09:52let them know exactly what's going on and i don't understand why we're not going to court make sure
09:55that she helps pay for her kids i mean vice versa you can try and do that you absolutely right yeah even
10:01if it's just gas money maybe 300 bucks a month and then child care for one of them would be like
10:06but you know what anything like we said you might not get it all but you'll get something so
10:10you can't you can't complain and then say but if i try and get it that's not going to be enough
10:15it's like you know what you can get and deal with what you got to deal with and protect those children
10:20that's the first end all be all you know kind of cause for you to follow all right let's do that
10:26part right start there first and then work your way backwards and to try and have a good
10:30relationship with her that might be down the line okay i'm trying all right man you're doing it
10:36you're doing it man just stay positive don't be like i'm stuck and all that other stuff don't do
10:41that to yourself don't play yourself all right what we got we got a text it says my boyfriend wants to
10:45be a personal trainer thing is he's not in good shape how do i tell him that this is a terrible idea
10:52and he's opening himself up for embarrassment he already scheduled the certification courses and paid
10:58to deposit this isn't going to end well and i'm trying to help okay but you can lose weight and
11:02you can get fit it's not an overnight thing maybe he wants to have like a physique like that and not
11:07all personal trainers are like perfect that is true model that is true there's a step class guy at the
11:13la fitness that i go to and i'm chunky uh-huh i'm up in there breathing hard he in there breathing
11:17hard and he does not look like he is a step class instructor right but this dude i mean he top
11:22head okay you know and he is in there thing bouncing around he likes to eat he but he
11:27motivates me right because when i'm on the treadmill and i'm looking in that window and i see him in
11:32there with their little dance steps on the steps i'm like get it big boy what you gonna do yeah
11:36big boy what you gonna do so i mean why not let him live let him live his best life this might be
11:41because it's his job it might be the motivation for him to work out and get fit and that might be
11:47what he's doing and just like the christmas lights do whatever they into that's goofy yeah
11:51back them up just support them be that be that woman but don't don't you think that there is like
11:57an order to things like i wouldn't want to be a basketball coach if i don't know much about
12:02basketball but you can learn but you don't learn on the fly first you learn then you teach but she
12:08said he about to get his certification he already put his deposit down there's no going back we going
12:12like this is like this is like your girl going to hair school but she been doing hair in her kitchen
12:17it's like yeah you've been interested in it and now you showing some interest now you want to go to
12:21barbazon whatever or whatever the barber college i don't know whatever it is and i'm gonna back you
12:26up so back why don't i back them up and by the way before we put the deposit down next time can we
12:31talk about it first like let's bring it back you don't just throw money down without having a
12:35conversation with me first if we're in a committed relationship all right so how about wait give her my
12:40number i'll be the step mama oh see look at that see look at that people like you with your crazy
12:46cryptic ex-mom or ex-baby mama uh we got a text from a kid and i think you you two should put your
12:53parent hat on oh let me do that um it says how do kids deal with bullying i'm in the eighth grade
12:58the school doesn't do anything about it oh you know what i got bullied in middle school and high
13:04school it wasn't um at that moment at the time it feels like it's you know because you're only
13:10you can't see the future you can't see past it um standing up for yourself can definitely help um
13:17you don't want to get in trouble yourself definitely make sure that you're telling people your parents
13:21the principal make sure that there's a record of it meaning like you've been dealing with this for a
13:26while just know that it's not going to last forever and by the way a lot of those bullies
13:31are being bullied themselves um either at home or they're just not getting the right attention or
13:37parenting that they need at home because what what do we learn now hurt people hurt people as well
13:42so at the end of the day just know that it's there will be an end to it hopefully you can defend
13:46yourself though um the only thing i'll just say is tell somebody tell tell somebody because it could go
13:53a long way you know like it could go badly bullies are are are misunderstood people
14:00that lash out at everybody and maybe there's pain there or whatever but your your thing is not
14:07wondering why it's happening it's just happening to you and it's on your shoulders and that can
14:12push you into a dark space and nobody wants to see that happen because you didn't ask for this so
14:16definitely tell somebody talk to your parents about it talk to a teacher that you might you know
14:21really trust you don't have to really go around telling everybody but find a teacher that you have
14:26a great relationship with and let them know what's happening because they might be able to help
14:29you more specifically what about punching them punch them in the mouth yeah that's my advice
14:34damn it i think you fight them i think you take him head up you punch him in the mouth now you're
14:39suspended stops well now it's on you guys because i've told you over and over again you didn't do
14:44anything now i have to take it in my own hands punch him in the mouth i'm mad at you because i wanted
14:49to say punch him that's what you know because you know i got in trouble when my daughter got hit and i
14:54said y'all go back to school in an own site it'd be like that sometimes i'm trying to be the you said
14:59put the parenting that's why i let you guys so i was doing the parenting that's why i didn't say
15:05anything i let you both have i let you both have your piece now i think we you hit them you hit them
15:11as hard as you can hit them right in the nose maybe not on the campus where i'm about to switch my
15:16vote i want to switch my vote yes hit them in the next time they bully you because you didn't start
15:22it you reacted yeah knock their teeth out what's the rule we don't hit we hit back they okay well
15:29wait a minute well he hasn't hit he's only used his mouth he's been bullying so you have to wait to
15:33be hit to him no no no no no you know no i i say wait wait wait wait if he didn't hit you like i
15:39thought bully it was punching if he punch you from what i understood it was just talk if he's just
15:44talking you still saying punch him in the mouth if they're messing with you on a daily basis i don't
15:48know the extent of the bullying a lot of the bullying is physical when they put their hands on
15:53you you you you see red you black out and you it stops that day i bet you that while i while i don't
16:00totally agree with davi because i want to have plausible deniability in court i will say that
16:06blackout thing works if you say i blacked out that's why you got to tell the office first to be like
16:12hey he's bullying me and then after a couple weeks black out just black out and punch him in the
16:17mouth be like why'd you punch him so many times because i blacked out i didn't even know i don't
16:22remember i don't remember a thing that's all you got to do all right therapy thursday is a wrap hold on
16:30that's all right
16:34and that's all right
16:36you
16:38you
16:40you
16:42you
16:44you
16:46you
16:49you
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