The Moment You Realized You're Getting Old

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00By the way, Glenn, when you're playing, songs I mean, I hate my way.

00:05That's me.

00:06Do we feel like this right now?

00:07Yeah.

00:08Yeah.

00:09But my mom texted me right now and said, be careful, I'm listening.

00:13Oh, see, there we go.

00:14We're not here to try to make people that already feel old feel old.

00:19The thing is, my husband and my dad are always saying that, like, they feel each other.

00:25They sympathize with each other because my mom and I are so much alike.

00:28So, like, I've always been my mom.

00:30Yeah.

00:30So, it just is what it is.

00:31And you're slowly turning into it.

00:32We had this realization that there are certain things in our life that were like, oh, no, we have become our parents.

00:39There are certain things that we used to mock that we are now that.

00:43Yeah.

00:43We're the olds.

00:45Mm-hmm.

00:45And it's awful.

00:46It is.

00:47It really is.

00:48I went to, we talked about just the other day, we went to Oja Steakhouse.

00:54Is it a steakhouse?

00:55They consider that a steakhouse?

00:56Yeah, a Japanese steakhouse, sure.

00:57And I text my husband on my way home and said, I am 102.7 years old because I have heartburn.

01:06And all I did was eat rice and steak.

01:09Like, what is wrong with me?

01:11Yeah, yeah.

01:11That'll happen.

01:11So, I was with my girlfriend.

01:12She's like, oh, I have some Peps at AC.

01:14I'm like, are you 102.7 years old as well?

01:16Because you're my age.

01:17Why are we doing this?

01:19What is going on?

01:20Yeah.

01:20I'm 36 years young.

01:23And I have to tell.

01:23Tarring around Tums.

01:27That's a terrible feeling.

01:29I guarantee you, I get you beat.

01:30But the thing, here's my thing.

01:32I don't feel old.

01:34Yes.

01:34I don't act old.

01:36No, not at all.

01:36I don't feel old.

01:37No.

01:38So, when things like that happen, I'm like, damn you, universe.

01:41Like, damn you.

01:41I know this is going to happen.

01:43Like, inevitably, we all get old, right?

01:45You're living in a denial.

01:46I want to be Goldie Hawn and Death Becomes Her.

01:50That's who I want to be.

01:51I'll take a little pill or a little shot of whatever and just be young forever.

01:55That'd be nice.

01:56Or just get a lot of Botox.

01:57That's probably going to be what we do.

01:59Me especially.

02:00This forehead, man.

02:00We've talked about it.

02:01We have.

02:01Does anybody out there want to do Botox?

02:03Like, you're going to have to do seven rounds on this forehead for sure.

02:06Rounds.

02:06Units.

02:07Oh, units?

02:0850 units.

02:09Oh, no, no, no.

02:09Like, seven rounds of 50 units.

02:11Yeah, no.

02:11That's what's happening.

02:12Call or text 702-597-1027.

02:15And the moment you realize, oh, no, I'm getting old, our buddy Jessica is always a great storyteller.

02:21She's with us now.

02:22Hi, Jessica.

02:22How are you?

02:24I am well.

02:24How are you guys?

02:25We're good.

02:26Doing okay.

02:26How did you realize you were old, Jessica?

02:28Now, first of all, are you comfortable saying what your actual age is?

02:32I am.

02:33I'm kind of proud of it.

02:34I made it this far.

02:35So, I am 41 years old.

02:37Congratulations.

02:38And you guys are absolutely adorable, still feeling young.

02:41That's all good.

02:42Even though we are relatively close in age.

02:45Like, ever since I turned 40, it's been like this steady progression of this realization that my body is like, nope.

02:52Like, waking up.

02:54I wake up and things hurt.

02:56And I'm like, what did I do?

02:59I rolled over.

03:00I rolled over and I am now injured for the remainder of the day.

03:04But it all culminated this weekend as I intensely tracked my Amazon delivery guy as he was bringing my arch support inserts.

03:15I couldn't have been more excited.

03:21And can I tell you right now, I am wearing them.

03:24And my feet have not felt this kind of joy since I was like, wow.

03:27Oh, my God, Jessica.

03:28The next Dr. Scholl spokesperson.

03:31Yeah, seriously.

03:32Jessica's getting endorsements for BGS.

03:34Very good.

03:35She's going to be the next Skechers ads.

03:36Yeah, I was like, well, you know, these things are actually really comfortable.

03:39Oh, my God.

03:40Oh, my goodness.

03:41Well, you're beautiful and you don't look or act old.

03:43So that's all that matters.

03:45Thanks for the call, Jessica.

03:47Have a good day, Jessica.

03:48I've gotten on more than one occasion gout.

03:52My dad had it.

03:53If anything can go wrong with my dad, it happens to my dad.

03:56I swear.

03:57It's terrible.

03:58How old were you when you got it?

04:00Like five years ago.

04:01Yeah.

04:02I wonder how I'll have to have my mom text me to see how old my dad was.

04:06By the way, the fix to gout, tart cherry juice.

04:08You just pound that.

04:09Pound it until it doesn't hurt anymore.

04:10That's so odd.

04:12We got a text from DJ.

04:14They said, when I started taking naps before going out at night, that's when I knew.

04:19But that's true.

04:20Remember when we'd go?

04:21Oh, my God.

04:21I would go to the club at like 11 o'clock at night.

04:24Now I'm like, it is 8 o'clock.

04:26My sister was like, oh, should we get appetizers?

04:28I said, Emily, it's 6 o'clock.

04:30It's dinner time.

04:31Like, we're not having appetizers.

04:35Here's the moment I knew I was old.

04:37Because I have the rocks in the front yard.

04:39Yes.

04:40And like, people walk on my rocks and it drives me nuts.

04:44So I set up a camera and I'm like, who is doing this?

04:47And it's every single delivery person is taking the two second freaking thing to go through

04:51my rocks and the rocks recede in that area and it drives me nuts.

04:55I got on the phone with Amazon, the whole nine yards, UPS, FedEx, USPS, all of them.

04:59I'm telling everybody not to walk on your rock.

05:01I am literally get out of my lawn.

05:03I will tell you that's, you know what?

05:05See, and I have a few of those in my neighborhood and I can't stand them.

05:09So I'll never be that person.

05:10But if I were, if you called my business, said don't walk on my, I would throw your packages

05:17from the road, just throw them at you.

05:20Come on.

05:21There, I will walk on your rocks, sir.

05:22It's so frustrating, man.

05:24It's just some respect for my rocks.

05:26I will say, because I am that person and my girlfriend, Michelle, is just the same way

05:29my mom.

05:30We kick the rocks back from the, like, that are on your driveway or on your sidewalk.

05:34You got to kick them back in line.

05:35Get the rocks in line there.

05:36It's the worst.

05:38Juicy texting in saying, I have a freaking teenager driving.

05:41Midlife crisis begins now.

05:43Odd one, 7710 on Instagram.

05:45I went to rise against on Friday.

05:47I was in the mosh pit.

05:49I am just today recovering.

05:52When I say Coolio or when I say, well, back in the 90s, let's see here.

05:57Princess Vespa saying, I was talking to somebody the other day, I want places I'd like to visit

06:00and I referred to it as my bucket list.

06:04Seriously.

06:05Finally, let's see here.

06:07Tinky 1980 saying, when hashtag was a pound sign.

06:10Oh, R.I.P.

06:12R.I.P.

06:12Pound sign.

06:13Come on now.

Category

Transcript

Recommended