00:00Therapy Thursday is how we get it in and try and help you have conversations that might help your situation.
00:06All right?
00:07Dr. Davi is here.
00:08Meredith MD is here.
00:10Orlando BGYN is here just in case you need to stir up.
00:13All right?
00:14So 888-429-0941.
00:17Holler at us.
00:17Ask us a question.
00:18You can even text us as well if you don't want anybody knowing your business because nosy people do notice who is calling.
00:26Who has one first?
00:28I got one.
00:30Go ahead.
00:30Run it.
00:31All right.
00:31This says out of the 941, I don't need therapy.
00:35I need the truth.
00:36Okay.
00:37My baby daddy and I have a two-year-old daughter and another one on the way.
00:41We've been together five years, but he is not interested in us living together.
00:46I don't even have a key to his house.
00:49He says I'm being paranoid.
00:50Am I?
00:53Yeah.
00:53I mean, if you're in a committed relationship and you want to move forward and be successful, I would say that sharing a key and having that person involved in your life is a good thing, right?
01:04Are they in a committed relationship, though?
01:06Because usually if you have a kid with somebody and you are in a real relationship, you necessarily wouldn't refer to them as, like, my baby daddy.
01:13I think that's, like, kind of like-
01:14Where else are you?
01:16Well, some people just-
01:16You're my boyfriend.
01:18You're my partner.
01:18You're my- You know, we're raising this kid together.
01:21I always feel like that is, like, a sense of separation.
01:24So, baby daddy ain't your man, but your man who has a baby with you is just your man.
01:29I don't know.
01:30If I'm in a relationship with you, I would like a key to your place.
01:34I mean, eventually.
01:35It's just normal.
01:36Is that normal, though?
01:37Because, I mean, I don't think everybody out there who's together, even with children, has a key.
01:43If we're not together and we just share a child, then, no, you don't need a key to it.
01:47No, but, I mean, if you love-
01:48Okay, here's the question.
01:50Yeah.
01:50Can I love you and love our kids, like, or kid, kid in half, whatever, one's on the way.
01:58Can I love you and love the kid, but not want to live with you?
02:02Yeah, that happens all the time.
02:04Okay.
02:04Yes, but why?
02:06Why are we together?
02:07I don't like you like that.
02:08Yeah, see-
02:09I love you, but I don't like you like that.
02:11I think you're hiding something, honestly.
02:14So, is she being paranoid or-
02:16I would have a problem with it.
02:17If we want to have any type of future and you want to be in a long-term, committed relationship with me, yeah, we need to exchange keys.
02:26All right.
02:26And talk about moving in together or something.
02:29See, I-
02:29We share children.
02:31We love each other.
02:32I just asked you, can I love you and be committed to you and not want to live with you?
02:37And these days, yes, you can.
02:39It happens all the time.
02:40So, why he got to have a conversation with her about moving in?
02:43Have fun with that.
02:44See how well that goes.
02:46It's probably not going to go that well.
02:47All right, we're going to.
02:48Especially if she's pregnant.
02:49We got one out the 727 for Meredith.
02:51It says, I'm dating somebody in the office.
02:53It was supposed to be our little secret, but we spent the whole holidays together, and now he wants to make it public.
02:59I don't.
02:59What should I do?
03:01Oh, my goodness.
03:01We got to say you need to cut it off.
03:03You took way too long to-
03:05See, that's what's wrong with cuffing season.
03:07You know, you just want somebody around Christmas and all that, and then you're like, ooh, I don't want everybody to find out.
03:13Well, you did this to yourself, and if you can, just make it an amicable break.
03:18What, so you have to break up now?
03:20Well, she said she doesn't want people to know.
03:22Right.
03:22But if you're embarrassed by the person you're sleeping with-
03:25But they've been dating, though.
03:26They've been dating, but they had the agreement that we were going to keep this on the low.
03:30Eventually, people will end up finding out, I feel like.
03:33You try to keep things secret in the workplace as much as you can.
03:37So, okay.
03:39I think people finding out and him making it public are two different things.
03:43You have to be on the same page about that.
03:45Yeah, that's good.
03:45Because if you got booed up over the holiday, and now one person wants to go forward-
03:51Yeah, of course, because he's proud of you, but you're not proud of him.
03:53But that's going to mess up the work situation.
03:55Of course.
03:55Make it about the work.
03:57Make it about the work.
03:58Say, you know what?
03:58It'll mess up both of our stand-in with the job if we put this out there.
04:03No matter how happy we are, we don't want to go get so happy that we get giddy and just
04:07mess up our money.
04:08So, make it about that.
04:09And just be like, let's just be happy on our own without the public.
04:14Yeah.
04:14And, you know, like, if you make it about you, then you're going to mess up the relationship.
04:18I don't want nobody to know about you.
04:20Then that makes you sound like you don't like me.
04:22It's hard, though, like, if you are really digging somebody and your feelings are progressing
04:27and we spent Christmas and all that stuff together, but we still have to, like, keep
04:31it a secret.
04:32Keep it a secret?
04:32That's asking a lot.
04:34It's like-
04:34Yeah.
04:35It's also-
04:36I'm asking you a lot.
04:37I'm asking you a lot.
04:38Why?
04:38Besides the work, is there any other reason you don't want people to know about me?
04:42Are you ashamed of me?
04:43Blame HR.
04:44Ah, see.
04:45That keeps it clean.
04:46I mean, maybe they have, like, a pretty, like, a, I don't know, a simple job without
04:51HR or, like, a restaurant or-
04:53You got to blame somebody.
04:54You got to blame somebody?
04:55Somebody, hey, either blame somebody or blame HR.
04:58Either way you do it, clear it up.
04:59Who we point a finger at?
05:00Dobby.
05:01Point a finger at somebody.
05:02Do something for yourself.
05:03Just hand it out.
05:03Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost four years, and he has never said I
05:08love you.
05:09I have said you should feel the love, but he has never said it to me.
05:13Oh, my gosh.
05:16Four years.
05:16No, I love you.
05:17I'm so happy you asked Owen, not me.
05:20Have fun with that.
05:21I mean, well, okay.
05:22Well, I want to ask you.
05:23Why?
05:24I mean, is that that important if I'm showing you, but I don't say the word?
05:27Are you crazy?
05:28Of course it's important.
05:30That is so disrespectful.
05:32How?
05:33Okay.
05:33But would it be disrespectful to lie to her if you didn't love her?
05:36So, now we've been together for four years, and you're telling me you don't love me?
05:39No.
05:40Yeah, he has.
05:41Right.
05:41He pretty much said that.
05:42He was being honest, and he didn't say it, so you're saying you need to hear it.
05:46Bye.
05:46Should he say it and not really mean it is, I guess, what Dobby is asking.
05:51But hell no.
05:51Would you rather him say the words?
05:54Say, peace.
05:55I'm done.
05:55You need to.
05:56Throw it away?
05:57Why are we together?
05:58What is even the point?
05:59You can't even say, I love you, to me?
06:01Man.
06:02But what about the people out there who don't have a good command of their language?
06:05Like, they don't feel comfortable sharing like that.
06:07Like, you know, I love you.
06:09We're together.
06:10I'm committed to you.
06:11I'm faithful to you.
06:12But the words, I'm actually not comfortable with.
06:15This is in the Patrick Swayze situation where he says at least a ditto back to you in Ghost.
06:19Oh, right.
06:20Okay.
06:20So, like that.
06:20That's not like that.
06:21Same-sees.
06:22Same-sees.
06:22Same-sees.
06:23Same-sees.
06:24Like, you know, on Ghost, she wanted probably at the beginning to hear I love you.
06:28Yes.
06:29And he kept saying ditto.
06:30And I bet you at the beginning of that relationship it was a problem.
06:33But after years, she got to understand that ditto was his way.
06:37That's his love language.
06:38That's what I'm asking.
06:39Right.
06:39Like, is there a way, not a love language, but that's his terminology.
06:42Yeah.
06:43Is that a way to say that this guy might love you and it just might not be in him?
06:49Maybe he's in a family that they never told each other they loved each other.
06:52Okay.
06:52All right.
06:53No.
06:53No.
06:54No.
06:54Let's all grow up.
06:55Let's put on our big boy pants.
06:56And, like, let's be in a mature relationship.
07:00We're not children.
07:02So I got to talk the way you want me to talk.
07:04If you don't love me after four years, I need to do something else with my life.
07:07Yeah.
07:07After four years, I mean.
07:08I mean, give me a break.
07:09Yeah.
07:10That's a long time.
07:11Make an excuse.
07:11Davi, how long did it take you to tell Joanna you love her?
07:16Oh, that's a good question, man.
07:17Smoochie little pie.
07:18Probably about a little under a year, I would say.
07:22That's so sweet.
07:23How long did it take you to tell Anthony, I love you?
07:28So about six months, I would say.
07:30You fast with everything.
07:32No, I'm not.
07:32I just know.
07:33If I'm feeling it, I want you to know.
07:35And he was staunch about, like, listen, I'm not going to say that until, like, at least
07:40a year.
07:40And then I said it to him first.
07:41And he goes, okay, well, since you said it, I do love you, too.
07:44There's a big thing about not wanting to say it first.
07:46Right.
07:47Because you don't want to be the lame one.
07:48Isn't he sincere now?
07:50Like, you said he wanted to wait, but he said it because you said it?
07:53No, it's just his past relationship.
07:55He wanted to, like, hit some sort of deadline.
07:57Yes, it is.
07:58Yes, it is.
07:59Excuse me?
08:00You know damn well it is.
08:01What is going on here?
08:02I mean, every man out there listening knows that.
08:04What?
08:04What is going on?
08:05Like, he's like, yo, I don't want to say it, but since you said it, all right, I'll say
08:09it.
08:09I don't want to be on therapy Thursday.
08:11That's all that is right there.
08:16You try to hold back your feelings as much and as long as you can, but eventually it just
08:21comes out.
08:22Like, I'm in love with you.
08:24If he could have been honest with his feelings, instead of saying, I love you, he would have
08:28said, I, me too.
08:31Because he basically gave in.
08:32I didn't, no, I didn't pressure him to say it back.
08:35Oh, you definitely did.
08:36Are you serious?
08:36Yes, you did.
08:37How long do you wait to say I love you?
08:39That she pressured him to raise your hand and say, I hate you guys.
