911 Butt Emergencies

Beasley Digital

Dave & Chuck the Freak ask Police, Fire and EMS workers to share the craziest calls they have ever been on and two of them feature butt stuff.

Transcript

00:00We're asking emergency workers that listen to give us the craziest call they've been on or had to take.

00:13Allison, calling us from Toledo this morning.

00:16Good morning, Allison. How are you?

00:18Good morning. How are you guys?

00:19Good. So what was it for you?

00:21Well, we quite frequently get these kind of calls where I had an older gentleman call me and tell me that he had hemorrhaging.

00:28And I asked where the hemorrhaging was, and he was bleeding from his butt.

00:33Okay, big deal.

00:34So he actually told me that he stuck a glass apple up there, and it exploded.

00:43So an old guy shoved a glass apple up his ass, and it blew up?

00:489-1-1-1-2-Emergency.

00:49Oh, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy, boy.

00:52I'm hemorrhaging.

00:54You're hemorrhaging, sir? Where on your body are you hemorrhaging?

00:57I'm right out of my ass.

00:59Oh, your butthole, huh?

01:00Oh, it's bleeding bad, guys.

01:02How did that, uh, how did you...

01:03Calm down, sir. How did that happen? How did you start hemorrhaging out of your butthole?

01:07Oh, boy, it's a tail.

01:10I took a glass apple.

01:12Okay.

01:13I shoved it right up there, and she blew.

01:18It was hollow.

01:19It was a structurally unsound glass apple in your butthole?

01:22Yes, and it's still there.

01:24Boy, it's in there good.

01:25Well, we got an ambulance on the way, sir.

01:31Just stay on the line with me, sir.

01:33Just sit down.

01:34Yeah, don't sit down, sir. Don't sit down if you're hemorrhaging from your butthole.

01:37Okay, all right, I'll get back up then.

01:38You gotta not do the...

01:39Oh, don't move, sir.

01:40Oh, there is quite a bit of blood.

01:43Yeah, I'd imagine if you...

01:46Oh, some glass just fell out.

01:47Oh, my, that is descriptive.

01:48Oh, no, no, no, that's not glass. Part of my butt.

01:51Oh, boy.

01:52That's actually just skin.

01:54Put that part of your butt on ice, sir, and just wait for emergency responders.

01:57I'll go get some.

01:57Thank you so much.

01:59No, you're welcome. Stay calm, sir.

02:00I'm sorry.

02:01I'm calm. I'm totally calm. This is like the seventh time I've...

02:03You sound like it.

02:04I think I took one of your calls last week, actually.

02:06Yes, exactly. I put glass trinkets in my butt.

02:08You gotta stop that, sir.

02:10Glass menagerie.

02:13I like to collect it in my butt.

02:17All right, see you soon.

02:18All right, thank you.

02:20Probably his wife's collection of glass things in a nice cabinet.

02:23Because the old ladies love a little glass...

02:25My grandma's got little glass dragons.

02:27Oh, yeah, that's what I mean, yeah.

02:28All displayed nicely.

02:29And this guy's like, oh, boy.

02:31Sneaking him in his butt.

02:33Sneaking him.

02:33I'll have to get that dragon in here.

02:35I don't know how this is going to...

02:41Oh, boy.

02:44I love how the 911 operator, though, is like, big deal.

02:48Big deal. You're bleeding out of your buttholes.

02:50You'll live.

02:51Because they get it all the time, right?

02:52And they also know when someone's going to live.

02:54You know what I mean?

02:55They're just like, oh, your butt's bleeding?

02:57Yeah, hold on.

02:59Brian from Monroe is next with us here on the Rifflines.

03:02Good morning, Brian.

03:03Good morning, guys.

03:04Penis falls.

03:05Penis falls.

03:06We're wondering about the craziest emergency call you've been on.

03:10Well, I'd have to say the craziest one for me was we got dispatched to a guy that had something in his butt.

03:18We get on scene, and we realize that he was going to town on his bedpost.

03:24Oh, yeah.

03:25And by going to town, like, he drilled a hole in it and was epping it?

03:29No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, backdoor.

03:30No, no, no, it was inside him.

03:32Backdoor up and down, yeah.

03:33Bedposts are big.

03:34He was going up and down on it.

03:36I've seen this many times.

03:38So what do you do?

03:40Well, we pulled the bed away from the wall, and we were getting ready to cut the bedpost off.

03:44And he started freaking out.

03:45No, my wife will kill me.

03:47No, my wife will kill me.

03:48It screws on.

03:49So we literally had to turn him around with the bedpost in his ass?

03:56You are better men than I.

03:58I would not spin the bedpost effort.

04:00Not only that, we ended up having to transport him to the hospital with this bedpost that

04:06was probably about four foot long, still sticking out of his rear.

04:09Oh, mother of Jesus.

04:11Oh, that was a delicate move.

04:13Honestly, you wouldn't believe the bedposts that get inside people.

04:16I mean, oh, Dave.

04:19So you had to really literally unscrew him from the bed?

04:22Yes.

04:22And how many twists did it take?

04:24Good question.

04:25Probably ten.

04:27It was like a fine-threaded bolt.

04:29Oh, my.

04:30So ten twists.

04:31And is he talking to me the entire time he's twisting him around?

04:34Ho, ho, ho.

04:37Oh, boy.

04:40Easy, sir.

04:41Easy.

04:41We're twisting him around.

04:42You've got about nine twists left.

04:48We'll get you.

04:49Okay.

04:50Next one, keep it going.

04:51So this one's going to be a big spin.

04:52Are you ready?

04:53Whee!

04:53Oh, boy.

04:58It's loose.

04:59There we go.

04:59We got you.

05:00It is loose.

05:01We got you off there.

05:03Good thread on that thing.

05:04Yeeks.

05:05Yeeks.

05:06Yeeks.

05:07Huh?

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