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00:40I spy with my little eye
00:42something beginning with
00:44T-W-P-T-G-A-Double-T-O-Double-T-H
00:46Do you give in?
00:48That wooden pole
00:50that goes across
00:52the top of the tent horizontally.
00:54I've already had that one.
00:56We could play indoor athletics!
00:58We could play indoor athletics.
01:01I think I'll see if it's raining yet.
01:03What for?
01:04I like rain.
01:05I mean, there's no point in camping if you don't.
01:17Oh, no!
01:18What?
01:19It's the grown-ups!
01:28La la la la la la
01:37Allez!
01:42On!
01:45To!
01:49Let's go!
01:53What did they say?
01:58I'm red!
02:08Come on!
02:20What balls!
02:28Come on!
02:38Come on!
02:58Well, what's it say?
03:02Norman Reenactment Society.
03:14Same time tomorrow then?
03:16I'll see what I can do.
03:24What you lost?
03:26Hank.
03:28Who?
03:29Hank.
03:30Oh, what, Hank is in your tortoise?
03:32He's gone workabouts again.
03:34Hank!
03:36I'd give you an hand, but I really need to think.
03:38Have you been attacked by the Normans again?
03:40I've told you, you should tell them.
03:42An Englishman's tent is his castle.
03:44Hank!
03:46Hank!
03:56Hank!
04:12Shh!
04:14Shh!
04:24Shh!
04:34Shh!
04:44Shh!
05:00Why?
05:02Shh!
05:06Just wait till tomorrow.
05:08Shh!
05:14Shh!
05:22No, no, no, no.
05:24No.
05:26Ah!
05:28Here we are.
05:30Nick the Mason.
05:32Castle builder.
05:34An Anglo-Saxon architect who, in his later years,
05:36was forced into early retirement.
05:38His castles, he claimed, were magnificent structures
05:40that stood the test of time.
05:43Unfortunately, none did.
05:47Have I spelled it right?
05:49Yep. H-A-N-K.
05:58Aw!
06:02Adam.
06:03Nick?
06:04The Mason.
06:06Castles to the gentry.
06:08So, what do you want, dear boy?
06:12You have been normand.
06:28Normans.
06:30What on earth is a reenactment society?
06:34Hmm.
06:36Well, it's a bunch of grown-ups
06:38who, like, dress up and act out battles
06:40when they're not at work.
06:42They're nothing but trouble.
06:44I mean, with it being the holidays,
06:46me and my mates are out camping.
06:48So every day we put up the tent
06:50and every day they come and flatten it.
06:52There's no talking to them.
06:54What is a norman?
06:56So, these aren't real normans?
06:59Oh, no. I think they're librarians.
07:02Well, thank the moon and stars for that.
07:04For if these were real normans,
07:06we'd be in real trouble.
07:09Nick.
07:11How come?
07:13I am a castle builder.
07:16For 40 years or more, I built castles.
07:19Magnificent structures that dominated the skyline,
07:22the length and breadth of this fair land.
07:24For 40 years, my life's work stood firm,
07:28stood proud.
07:30And then came the normans.
07:34Over the seas they came.
07:37Thousands of them.
07:39They came, they saw, and they conquered too.
07:49You call that a castle?
07:51They said.
07:53We don't like your castles.
07:55Why not?
07:57They are not big enough.
07:59Well, size isn't everything.
08:08It was no use.
08:10They wouldn't listen.
08:12And they destroyed every last one.
08:17And that, my dear boy, is a norman.
08:22They are black-hearted, murderous swine
08:26who will stop at nothing in their evil pursuit
08:28of money, power and conquest.
08:32So, what you're suggesting is
08:35that we put up the subs by Tuppence a quarter?
08:39You're going to make yourself very unpopular
08:42coming up with suggestions like that, Wilf.
08:46But I see your point, and I think it's a good one.
08:50Veronica!
08:52Can you stop knitting for a second?
08:55It's very disturbing.
08:57Can you stop knitting for a second?
09:00It's very distracting.
09:02Now, then, matters arising.
09:06I'd just like to say well done
09:09to everyone who took part in yesterday's attack.
09:13If that group of boys think they can pitch their tent
09:16on our sacred battle site, they've got another thing coming.
09:20We've been running up and down that hill
09:23every public holiday since 1971
09:26and, by golly, gumshoes, we intend to go on doing so
09:30as long as there's Norman blood coursing through our veins.
09:35And why's that, eh?
09:39Because...
09:41We are Normans!
09:44We are Normans!
09:46We are Normans!
09:49We are Normans!
09:51Hey!
09:53Where's Adam?
09:55He said he'd think of something.
09:57I've just thought of something.
09:59I bet we all get flattened again.
10:09Oh, they'll get flattened!
10:11Well, of course they will, and it'll serve them jolly well right.
10:14Look where you've chosen to build.
10:17You could not have picked a worse site.
10:19Could we not? No, of course not.
10:21You see, you're in a valley. Which means?
10:23You're in the most vulnerable position imaginable.
10:26You can't see your enemy, but they can see you.
10:30Looks a flimsy structure at best.
10:32And I should imagine if you so much as rolled a brace of turnips down there,
10:35they'd flatten it good and proper.
10:37Come on, let's move it, then. No, no, no, no, no, no.
10:39No? No, yes.
10:42First we must gauge the strength of our enemy,
10:46assess their tactics,
10:48pinpoint their weaknesses and...
10:51...hide them.
11:07I hear, with my little ear, something beginning with N.
11:15That doesn't begin with N.
11:22HE SCREAMS
11:25Watch out!
11:27I get it!
11:29Ah, me head!
11:37You know, I'm getting right sick of this.
11:40Where have you been?
11:42Sorry, lads. I brought help.
11:44Where? Behind the old bloke?
11:46No, it is the old bloke.
11:48Who's he?
11:49It's my Uncle Nick.
11:51What, the old bloke?
11:56Oh, dear.
12:09He is old, isn't he?
12:11Adam says he's 991.
12:14HE WHISTLES
12:16Listen carefully.
12:18If you wish to end these attacks,
12:21then consider the enemy.
12:24Let that be our starting point. Consider the enemy.
12:27There are five of them, five, and there are five of you.
12:31Seven if we count you.
12:34Ow!
12:36You are equal in number, but they are bigger than you are.
12:39Oh, are they? Didn't realise that.
12:41You see, we normally stay in the tent.
12:43Or sit with our heads in our hands.
12:45Or panic.
12:46Then calm yourself and arm yourself with the knowledge we have.
12:49Now, their tactics are these.
12:53We know they always attack from here in the north.
12:56And herein lies their weakness.
12:58They are predictable.
13:00So we move our position from here to a much stronger one there
13:04and defend here in the south.
13:06What about the tent?
13:08Tent? No, I don't think so.
13:11Today we were defeated.
13:13But now we build for tomorrow.
13:44Hi!
13:49Well, hello.
14:43To you.
14:53To you.
15:04Now, let's see them conquer that.
15:13Go!
15:25Allez!
15:40Another Norman conquest.
15:42What do we say?
15:45My word.
15:51Oh, Wilf.
15:53A tactical withdrawal is called for at this point, I think.
15:58Allez!
16:02Well, that's shown them.
16:04I was assured.
16:06Although the battle may be won, I fear the war is not yet over.
16:13We should be safe enough here.
16:16Well, that's that then, isn't it?
16:18I mean, a tent's one thing, a castle's another.
16:22Len!
16:24I can't see the point of me being up all night knitting chain mail
16:27if it's not going to get used.
16:29I mean, if there's no battle, there'll be no snagging.
16:32And if there's no snagging, there'll be no knitting.
16:35And if there's no knitting, there'll be no knitting.
16:38And if there's no snagging, there'll be no knitting.
16:41And if there's no knitting, I'll be out of a job
16:44and they'll send me back to that place.
16:50What?
16:52Bournemouth?
16:54Yes.
16:56Veronica!
16:58We're talking about what amounts to an impenetrable castle.
17:05Well, can't we just run round it?
17:07Run round it?
17:10Run round it?
17:12We can't run round it!
17:16Well, look, silly.
17:20For 26 years now, we've let nothing stand in our way.
17:26Run round it?
17:28It would be betraying everything we stand for.
17:31By golly, gumshoes, I might as well spend me holidays
17:35enjoying myself like normal people.
17:39No.
17:41We reconvene August bank holiday.
17:45I am the leader.
17:47And what I say goes.
17:49And I say we leave it.
17:52Wilf?
17:55Wilf?
17:58Wilf?
18:00We smash it!
18:02Wilf?
18:05Wilf?
18:12I spy, my little eye, something beginning with T.
18:18T?
18:19T.
18:20Oh, thanks.
18:21Always like a nice cup of tea before a battle.
18:23What's it made out of?
18:25Boiled worms, grass and nettles.
18:31Now, you know what to do.
18:34So, you sure they'll...
18:36Oh, yes, they'll attack again. Don't you worry about that.
18:39Only this time, I think, with a new and perhaps stronger leader.
18:45I have snapped a tree in half.
18:49This is ignorant.
18:52I also have many muscles and some teeth missing.
18:57This makes me a brute.
19:00A too, Brutus.
19:03The time has come for brute force and ignorance.
19:08That's right.
19:09Now, like true Normans, empty your minds.
19:15Pick up thy tree trunk and charge!
19:20Charge!
19:22Hark!
19:23Hark!
19:26Hark!
19:32Hark!
19:40Nick!
19:46Prepare for battle!
19:51I will!
19:55Steady. Steady. Steady.
19:59Now!
20:02Charge!
20:13Stand by catapult. Now!
20:29Stand by rope.
20:32Heave!
20:35Go, Adam.
20:41What the...
20:43This was a mistake.
20:47What's going on here?
20:54What's that?
20:56Go, Mr Davidson.
20:59Stand firm and hold the ground.
21:02They're buckling, Mr Davidson.
21:08A final surge, if you'd be so kind, Mr Davidson.
21:24I say.
21:27Hooray!
21:29Nice line, Johns.
21:31Hooray!
21:33Hooray!
21:35Go on to France.
21:37See you.
21:46You realise, of course, we're finished, completely finished.
21:49It's the end of an era.
21:51Good afternoon, madam.
21:53Oh, hello.
21:54Useless.
21:55You let a great balloon like him take the line!
22:02Well, congratulations, everyone.
22:04The Normans knocked down every single castle I ever built.
22:08But today, thanks to you, there's at least one that even they,
22:12albeit pretendy Normans, could not conquer.
22:15And you've no idea how happy that makes me.
22:18Thank you. Thank you all.
22:21Was it Tractor?
22:23Eh?
22:24When he said, I spy something beginning with T, was it Tractor?
22:27Oh, no. Tortoise.
22:30Where?
22:32There.
22:33Where?
22:34There.
22:35Where?
22:36There.
22:41Hello.
22:43Jane?
22:45Mum?
22:46Oh, that's nice.
22:48What is it?
22:49That, my dear lady, is a structure so sound and so sturdy
22:52that not even a Norman invasion could raise it to the ground.
22:56Hank!
23:05Sorry, what was that you were saying?
23:09Don't you run off like that again, do you understand?
23:17Well, never mind. Have a stick of celery.
23:22Come on, Nick.
23:24If it hadn't been for your castle, we'd never have beaten the Normans.
23:27Yeah, you can't legislate for tortoises.
23:29Ow!
23:31You're very kind, boys, and I know you mean well.
23:34But perhaps there's a lesson for me here.
23:37The bigger they are, the harder they fall.
23:42All is vanity.
23:44All is vanity.
23:46All is vanity.
23:48All is vanity.
23:50All is vanity.
23:54Only peaceful coexistence offers long-term security.
23:59No.
24:00Well, what then?
24:02Don't build castles out of hay and old tyres.
24:07Do you think Hank is French?
24:11Will it by any chance be one of my herbal love potions you're after?
24:16Nobody fancies me.
24:18Adam! Adam!
24:21Jason, the lass is one who kisses and the lad's one who whitters.
24:24I don't know which scares me the most.
24:26They look very serious, Adam.
24:29Adam! Adam! Adam!
24:32Safety, haven't you, Adam?
