00:00Hi, I'm Alana Glazer, and today I'm going to show you some things I love about Long Island.
00:03We are going to discuss some iconic landmarks, colorful slang, and lovable Long Islanders.
00:20Okay, I'm going to take you through some places I love where I grew up.
00:25Oh, what if I rip it? What if I rip it off dramatically?
00:36Long Island is only two counties, and that's Nassau County and Suffolk County, and it's huge.
00:41It takes like three and a half hours, pretty much, to get from one end to the other.
00:45So I grew up in St. James, which is, oh, Smithtown Bay. Oh my gosh, Smithtown.
00:50Suffolk County North Shore. Oh, okay, so we have our general store in St. James. I think this is
00:55the oldest business on Long Island, the St. James General Store. And it's like, the truth that comes
01:01with is dark and deep. I don't know if it's haunted. I would certainly believe it. But it's
01:05just cute. It's like creaky, and it's got, you know, puzzles and candy and whatever. It's cute,
01:11if you can hold the complexities of what it means. One of my favorite spots is the David
01:16Weld's Preserve. First you go through this field, and there's like sort of wild grasses and like
01:20little bunnies like trying to not get caught having sex or whatever. And then there's like
01:24birds and cranes. And then you get to the very like foresty part, and it's just like really
01:28enchanting. And the trees are so tall, and you start to hear the water. I was a teenager just
01:35like going to this place, taking a slow walk through all the seasons, walking through the
01:39David Weld's Preserve, and it's just totally beautiful. Oh my god, there's literally like a
01:44cartoon Pixar monster that washed ashore. It's bonkers. It looked so fake and sensational. It
01:54seemed as though it was like planted there to make people think something was happening. But I think
01:58the science experiments are like leaking into the water and making monsters. Perhaps of the humans
02:06as well. Briarmere Farms. The thing I love about Riverhead is like you just drive along this road,
02:11and there's like farm after farm. And you're like, well, I get my pie at Briarmere, and then I get my
02:16blackberries at this. You know what I mean? Like you pick like the fruit up here and the veggies
02:19up here. And then when I'm in Brooklyn, I'm like, oh yeah, Satter Farms. I'm buying this like sort
02:24of plastic container of spinach. But then when you go there, it's like right there. They just picked
02:29it. You know what I mean? And I remember that spinach has a taste when I'm out there. Like so
02:34motivating to eat a damn salad, you know? It's not just like a cow chewing cud. It's like a delicious
02:41deep umami earthy experience. Spinach, you know?
02:48If you come to New York or you come to Long Island, here are some slang terms
02:51you may want to know. Okay, dead ass. Dead ass. You know, my high school boyfriend used to say
03:00dead tits. I don't know where he got that variation. I think from within. Dead ass is
03:06seriously, truly dead ass. Oh, schlep. Well, schlep is a Yiddish term, S-C-H, schlep. And it
03:18means to like haul ass around exhaustingly. Ugh, schlepping over here, schlepping over there.
03:23That's, to me, New York City is a fucking schlep. And to drive from point A to B on Long Island is
03:30always schlepping. Okay, brick. I have no idea what this means. Apparently it means extremely
03:37cold, which is happening less and less on Long Island these days. So not a clue, but brick,
03:43extremely cold. I'm 37, if that gives you context. And we'll see what I know and what I don't know.
03:47O.D. O.D. is like, you're going too hard on this thing. You're going extra, extra chill out.
03:53She O.D. Yeah. In slang, it just means like a little bit much. Go and O.D. Chill out. Respectfully,
04:01this is before someone says something disrespectful. Respectfully, I fucking hate your sister. You know
04:05what I mean? Like that kind of shit. Respectfully, fully disagreeing and insulting you. Respectfully,
04:11insert disrespectful comment thereafter. It's chivalrous before two men lose their minds
04:18on each other. I love that. I love that. Let him go.
04:25Mariah Carey, love Mariah Carey. She is just, oh God, she maintains such a sense of humor her
04:32whole life. I love Mariah Carey. And also for her to be like pigeonholed into this
04:36almost teen sex symbol, you know, so talented, holding it down in the music industry when
04:43God knows what the hell was going on. And she just stays so funny about herself. She is serving.
04:48Very good Long Islander. Harborfields High School. They're really proud. Is a really enthusiastic
04:53mom. Proud mama. I love it. Kevin James. Of course I know Kevin James is from Long Island. And I
05:01screamed it in his face the first time I met him backstage at Jimmy Fallon's show.
05:05The first time I kissed someone, it was like O.D. It was certainly O.D. because it was like,
05:11I was like so ready to have any sexual experience, but it was like a makeup for an hour.
05:16And I was watching Kevin James' special on Comedy Central. And this is the thing I told him when I
05:21first met him. And he was confused. Didn't know how he was allowed to react, which I actually
05:26appreciate. And he makes me laugh. Yeah, Edie Falco. Just love her. Serving Long Island Mafia
05:34like so hard. The town I grew up in has like a lot of mafia in it. You know what I mean? I would
05:39be at sleepovers, particularly one sleepover I remember and being like, I think this family is
05:45in the mafia. And they were. I just appreciated like, oh God, she made that look. You know what
05:50I mean? Like Julia Fox is chasing Edie Falco 20 years ago. I love it. Nurse Jackie held it down.
05:56Layered. Scary, honestly. Rosie O'Donnell. Yes. Rosie O'Donnell just did some like organizing
06:03and activism with me. And I really appreciated it. And I was just like, you've been my hero.
06:07I read your biography when I was in seventh grade and made a book report about you. And she was
06:12always a champion for children and remains a champion for children. Queer women. Powerful.
06:18Like what a fucking platform. Rosie walked so Ellen could run. You know what I mean? Like,
06:24oh man. A funny bitch. Flintstones. Remember that shit? What?
06:30The Long Island medium. I mean, I don't know, but she's very funny. And it's almost like,
06:34remember the Kate Gosselin haircut? And then Kate Gosselin haircut did acid or something. Like,
06:40that's a French manicure. You know what I mean? Like, which France? I don't even mean to like
06:47razz. I'm like genuinely confused. I love her confidence. I'll tell you that much. Look at
06:51that hand on that hip. And she's like screaming, singing. I don't know what's going on, but big
07:00heart. Thank you so much, Conde Nast Traveler, for taking interest in Long Island. Finally,
07:05I hope you had as much fun as I did. And before I forget, you gotta go see my new movie, Babes,
07:10in theaters now.
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