00:00 I don't really remember most of my wedding because I was just so stressed and burnt out.
00:11 My name is Lucinda Rose, I am 39 years old and my wedding ruined my life temporarily
00:18 because it burnt me out to a debilitating level.
00:22 Ian actually didn't want a big wedding at all, he kept saying he wanted us to just elope,
00:28 just the two of us and my original plan was to keep it very small, maximum of 50 people.
00:34 I didn't want to spend any more than £15,000.
00:37 Then I found the venue and everything sort of spiralled from there because the venue
00:42 could fit a lot more people but we also wanted a pagan handfasting ceremony because that
00:48 was also incredibly meaningful to us.
00:54 I then just started to become obsessed with the finer details.
00:57 My family were paying for the majority of it, they then wanted to invite people that
01:03 they wanted.
01:04 It then became, okay well if you're having those people then I'm going to invite the
01:07 other people that I haven't put on the list yet and so it just became bigger and bigger.
01:12 We wanted to have it very unique to us, which it did end up being, but making it unique
01:18 meant that all these little details kept popping up and it was like, well I want that too and
01:23 I want that and I just became so obsessed with the details and making it personal that
01:28 the budget went completely out of the window.
01:33 On the day of the wedding I remember having a few minutes to myself in the morning and
01:39 thinking you've really got to take this in because you've spent so much money, it's been
01:44 nine months of your life, you haven't been able to focus on anything else so you better
01:49 enjoy this.
01:50 I cannot remember anything that happened in the church because I was trying so hard to
01:55 focus on it.
01:56 After that I just started drinking for a way to get through it really, which ended up with
02:02 me passing out on the bouncy castle at the end of the night because I had drunk way too
02:06 much alcohol.
02:07 And although I did enjoy the day, I don't feel I was particularly present.
02:11 I didn't really have a conversation with anybody, I would say hi to people and then I was running
02:15 around doing things.
02:16 I don't really remember most of my wedding because I was just so stressed and burnt out
02:22 and then drunk.
02:27 I got home, I burst into tears, I went to bed and I didn't get out of bed for days.
02:33 I just, this pure physical exhaustion.
02:37 I could function but my brain just was not working.
02:40 I could only think of what I had to do in that minute.
02:43 I couldn't respond to messages, I couldn't talk to people, I could barely have a conversation
02:48 with Ian.
02:52 I tried to talk to a couple of people, a couple of friends and they didn't understand.
02:56 They said, "Oh yeah, the wedding blues, you know, it happens to everybody."
02:59 They just dismissed it.
03:01 We are conditioned to only talk about the good stuff and not the bad stuff because the
03:05 bad stuff is shameful.
03:06 I saw stuff about weddings and I was like, "Well, I want that because that looks really
03:10 nice and I want to experience that."
03:12 But then social media is a projection.
03:15 It's a projection of what we want other people to see.
03:18 It's rare to find authenticity within social media.
03:23 I found a community of people who could relate.
03:25 You know, it's all about it looking nice and shiny on Instagram and not actually the
03:31 reality.
03:32 I know that I'm not alone in how I feel.
03:34 [Music]
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