00:00I don't really remember most of my wedding because I was just so stressed and burnt out.
00:11My name is Lucinda Rose, I am 39 years old and my wedding ruined my life temporarily
00:18because it burnt me out to a debilitating level.
00:22Ian actually didn't want a big wedding at all, he kept saying he wanted us to just elope,
00:28just the two of us, and my original plan was to keep it very small, maximum of 50 people.
00:34I didn't want to spend any more than £15,000.
00:37Then I found the venue and everything sort of spiralled from there because the venue
00:42could fit a lot more people, but we also wanted a pagan handfasting ceremony because that
00:48was also incredibly meaningful to us.
00:54I then just started to become obsessed with the finer details.
00:57My family were paying for the majority of it.
01:01They then wanted to invite people that they wanted.
01:04It then became, okay, well, if you're having those people, then I'm going to invite the
01:07other people that I haven't put on the list yet, and so it just became bigger and bigger.
01:12We wanted to have it very unique to us, which it did end up being, but making it unique
01:18meant that all these little details kept popping up and it was like, well, I want that too
01:23and I want that.
01:24I just became so obsessed with the details and making it personal that the budget went
01:29completely out of the window.
01:33On the day of the wedding, I remember having a few minutes to myself in the morning and
01:39thinking you've really got to take this in because you've spent so much money.
01:44It's been nine months of your life.
01:45You haven't been able to focus on anything else, so you better enjoy this.
01:50I cannot remember anything that happened in the church because I was trying so hard to
01:55focus on it.
01:56After that, I just started drinking for a way to get through it, really, which ended
02:02up with me passing out on the bouncy castle at the end of the night because I had drunk
02:05way too much alcohol.
02:07Although I did enjoy the day, I don't feel I was particularly present.
02:11I didn't really have a conversation with anybody.
02:13I would say hi to people and then I was running around doing things.
02:16I don't really remember most of my wedding because I was just so stressed and burnt out
02:22and then drunk.
02:27I got home, I burst into tears, I went to bed and I didn't get out of bed for days.
02:33I just, this pure physical exhaustion.
02:37I could function, but my brain just was not working.
02:40I could only think of what I had to do in that minute.
02:43I couldn't respond to messages.
02:45I couldn't talk to people.
02:46I could barely have a conversation with Ian.
02:52I tried to talk to a couple of people, a couple of friends, and they didn't understand.
02:56They said, oh yeah, the wedding blues, you know, it happens to everybody.
03:00They just dismissed it.
03:01We are conditioned to only talk about the good stuff and not the bad stuff because the
03:05bad stuff is shameful.
03:07I saw stuff about weddings and I was like, well, I want that because that looks really
03:10nice and I want to experience that.
03:12But then social media is a projection.
03:15It's a projection of what we want other people to see.
03:18It's rare to find authenticity within social media.
03:23I found a community of people who could relate.
03:26You know, it's all about it looking nice and shiny on Instagram and not actually the reality.
03:32I know that I'm not alone in how I feel.
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