A gay single dad spent $125k to have a baby by himself

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A gay single dad spent $125k to have a baby by himself – after not wanting to wait for someone else to "fulfil" his "dream".   Matt Bonnen, 31, had always dreamed of being a dad and when his relationship of four years broke down he didn’t think it would be possible.  But after a cancer scare and losing his brother, Christopher, 31, in a drowning accident, Matt realised life was too short and he didn’t need to have a partner to become a parent.  He started to look into agencies to help with surrogacy and picked out an egg donor who had similar physical features to himself.  After one failed go, Matt found out his surrogate - a 30-year-old woman - was pregnant in February 2023 and he was able to attend to all the scans – in person or on FaceTime.  Matt witnessed the birth of his son, Noah Christopher, now three months old, on October 14, 2023, and feels so “grateful” to have him.  He doesn’t regret doing it alone – and says it is the “best decision” he has ever made.  Matt, who owns a restoration company, and lives between Miami, Florida and New York, US, said: “All my life I had this idea of having a family.  “I played with Barbie and made them have kids.  “I always aspired to be a parent.  “I thought 'why can’t I do this by myself?’  “Why do you have to wait for someone else to fulfil your dream?  “I want to invest in my happiness.  “Noah was so wanted. I feel that is beautiful.  “It’s the best decision I have made.”  Matt had been planning a life with his ex-partner before their relationship broke down.  He said: “I wasn’t happy with my life any more.  “I broke it off.”  He was unexpectedly diagnosed with astroblastoma - a rare brain tumour - in December 2018 but had an operation to have the mass removed the same month.  Matt also lost his brother, who was 31 at the time, in a freak drowning accident and it made him start to realise he could be a dad on his own.  He said: “Life is too short to be so unhappy.  “Three years later when I was ready – I knew I wanted to be a parent.  “I didn’t find another person but I thought ‘I think I can do this by myself’.”  Matt was financially stable, had bought his own apartment and decided he wanted to have a biological child and started contacting agencies in 2021.  He said: “I was missing that one thing.”  Matt had six months of psychological testing to make sure he was “fit to be a parent” before dropping off his sperm.  He then chose his egg donor – choosing someone who looked similar to him.  Matt said: “It’s like a catalogue.  “I felt most comfortable with how my family looks.”  The agency then froze eight embryos and Matt picked a surrogate through the agency to carry his child.  Matt said: “The first one didn’t take.  “The second one she took a pregnancy test and said it was negative.  “I was devastated.  “She went to the doctors the next week and they said she was in fact pregnant.  “I was crying.”  Matt kept in touch with the surrogate throughout the pregnancy and was able to go to scans and see his son growing.  He said: “It was amazing.”  Matt saw Noah born naturally on October 14, 2023, in Miami, Florida at 1.30pm - weighing 6lbs 2oz.  He said: “It was a beautiful experience.  “As soon as he came out I saw myself in him.  “He looked like an angel. He was soft and glowing.”  Matt stayed in the hospital with Noah for two days before he came home – and has been looking after him ever since with the help of a nanny and his mum, Caroline, 55.  He still keeps in touch with the surrogate – sending her photos and FaceTiming her.  Matt said: “She gave me a gift that I could never have myself.  “I’m so grateful for that.  “She’ll always be a part of this.”  Matt says he did struggle with fatherhood at first and found himself crying a lot.  He said: “I believe men do get postpartum.  “People said ‘you’ll regret having him’ or ‘you’ll miss your old life’.  “But I am so grateful.  “He’s very soft spoken and very smiley.  “He has my eyes and my cheeks and the egg donor’s mouth and lips.  “I’m obsessed.”  Matt said a new partner would join their family – if he found the right person.  He said: “Whether a partner comes into my life now or later they’ll join the family.  “They’ll have to accept I am a father first.  “They can be an add on to the family.”

Transcript

00:00 My name is Matthew Bonin. I'm from New York. I'm a gay single dad and I'm 31 years old.

00:05 I'm not going to stop what I'm doing or stop my dreams or stop my whatever I want to do in life

00:11 because I'm waiting for somebody to be with me. It just doesn't make any sense to me that I have

00:15 to wait for that special someone to have a family. I think that's not fair at all. Because like what

00:21 if, you know, what if it doesn't happen? Sometimes it just doesn't happen and I'm okay. I've always

00:26 been okay with not being in a relationship but I will not be okay with not having a family.

00:30 I think that people have this misconception that adoption is so easy and it's not. It's not very

00:36 seamless. People wait years and years and years and years. Durga Sree was my best option at that

00:42 moment. Eventually I would love to adopt. Who would I think is the most attractive? That's what

00:47 I thought when I was looking at the catalog. But my number one was my first pick and no one picked

00:51 her yet. And she was ready like in one month. You can either be very hands-on and you could be there

00:57 every, you know, scan. You could be very involved with the surrogate or you don't have to be at all.

01:04 You could just kind of keep it high and buy and you can make this a very transactional experience.

01:09 I just I didn't want that. So I wanted to be involved as much as possible. So we would FaceTime

01:14 like probably every scan and we would also text almost every single day. How are you doing? How's

01:18 everything? My surrogate was super amazing and she allowed me to be in the delivery room. It definitely

01:23 was a lot in the beginning. I was like what is happening? Like she seems like she's in so much

01:27 pain. Holding her hand throughout the whole thing and it took her about like 10 minutes for him to

01:33 push to come out. So that's pretty short for pregnancies. But she hugged me and she was like

01:38 she like delivered the baby. She pushed and she like grabbed me in and like pushed the hardest

01:44 she could. And that's when Noah came out. And I couldn't really necessarily see but then I like

01:48 started crying because it was such a beautiful moment. I kept saying like thank you so much.

01:53 And I looked at him and I was like oh he's beautiful. Like he's the perfect baby in the world.

01:57 I was with Noah for like two three hours by myself in the room because like nobody could come in yet.

02:01 Like no visitors nothing. I was like help me. I was like so like even though like I wanted

02:10 to be a parent like nothing prepares you for that moment where you're just like oh wow this is real.

02:15 Like this is. But then instantly like within that three I like needed that moment to be alone with

02:20 him. I always say that I'm like I needed it. Like it was so important that I had no distractions

02:25 but I got to look at him and feel like this was my child and connect with him and be alone with

02:30 him and see him. And he was just the cutest. I remember saying like oh I love you. I was like

02:35 just crying and crying and crying. Like he's so sensitive. He is so sensitive. Like even if I'm

02:43 like I can't without coffee. Like he gets like he does not. I swear like he's like like if I'm like

02:50 talking loud the other morning. Like if I'm like I'm sorry. Like I'm so sorry. And he starts smiling.

02:56 He's just like it's so sensitive. He's so soft. He's so like in tuned with like my even my feelings.

03:02 I feel like like if I'm stressed out I feel like he would be like he gets like super anxious.

03:06 Me being a single gay dad their automatic assumption is oh like he must miss his party

03:12 like or he must miss just this was this was a very intentional thought out decision. I did

03:18 not just think about this on a whim and it's like I want to know this was thought out from a very

03:22 very long time and I made my decision. I had time to think and I made my decision and it was the

03:27 best decision I've ever made in my life. Like he's part of me. He's no one tells you how connected

03:33 you are to you. I mean your parents tell you this like how much they love you but you don't believe

03:38 it. But once you have your own you you realize how much you love your child. Like they are they

03:44 they are you. They're part of you. It's like he's my he's I can't explain that. He's my life.

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