Pity for Immorality - Locals Questions!

Name: Pity for Immorality - Locals Questions!
Uploaded: 2023-10-30T21:29:24+00:00
Duration: 52 min 28 s
Channel: Stefan Molyneux

00:00 Good morning everybody, hope you're doing well. Stephen Molyneux from

00:04 Freedomain.com. Join a great community, this is where these questions come.

00:08 Freedomain.locals.com. Alright, you recently discussed the dynamic of how a

00:16 high-value female would look at a man. I often find myself uncomfortable around

00:21 the most attractive high status people, even to the point that I will actively

00:23 avoid them in social settings, such that I find myself on the other end of the

00:27 room as them at parties and functions. This especially applies to females, but

00:32 occasionally when I'm around the boyfriend of a highly attractive girl I

00:35 will even get uncomfortable talking to him. I've been told that I'm above

00:38 average attractiveness, so I wonder where this comes from. I wonder whether it

00:42 comes from a lack of self-worth. It's not that I have poor social skills, but the

00:46 specific situation of socializing with the most attractive people almost always

00:50 makes me betray a discomfort and awkwardness that usually manifests in

00:53 some clumsy or uncouth behavior. Whoa, congratulations on using the truly

00:57 Dickensian word uncouth. Kudos. All right,

01:03 one fundamental question that arises in life is, can you judo maneuver envy into

01:14 becoming aspirational, or do you shy away from your potentially better self? Look,

01:20 there are better people out there in the world. There are better-looking people,

01:24 there are smarter people, there are people who have all kinds of great

01:30 attributes. There are better musicians, there are better mathematicians, and so on, right?

01:34 And there are people with better physiques and so on, right? So do you

01:40 believe that you can approach what they do? Some things we're kind of hardwired

01:44 in and sometimes some things we're not. So when you, if you find

01:48 yourself looking up at more attractive people, let's say, okay, what can you do to

01:54 make yourself more attractive? Why are they a threat? Why are they not

01:58 aspirational? If you look at people who've made some money, they've worked

02:01 really hard, do you want to make some money by working really hard? Are they

02:06 aspirational or do you shy away? Now I can guarantee you that for you, everyone

02:14 who's better than you and better than me is aspirational. It's absolutely

02:20 aspirational. Now, but for you, if you've got dysfunctional people in your life,

02:24 your parents or whoever, then they want you to shy away from those better people

02:29 because they failed to become better. Why would you want to avoid higher quality

02:36 people? Well, you don't benefit from avoiding higher quality people. You say,

02:39 "Well, I, you know, I don't want to impose. I'm not particularly good at baseball. I

02:43 don't want to hang around with the cool baseball kids or whatever." It's like, "Well,

02:45 then become better at baseball. You know, go train, go practice, become better at

02:48 baseball and then you'll be, you'll be in that, right?" So for you, envy is

02:54 aspirational. For usually older dysfunctional people in your life, probably

02:59 your parents, envy is avoidant because they have failed to harness the envy to

03:05 become better and therefore they want you to replicate their mistakes. So what

03:11 they're doing is they're infecting you with the avoidance of aspiration rather

03:15 the embrace and pursuit of aspiration. Look, when I was growing up, man, I was

03:22 surrounded by really trashy people. Like, I mean, one day maybe I'll go into that

03:26 in more detail, but you know, just here's an example. My family moved three times

03:31 inside of one apartment building for a variety of reasons, usually to do with

03:34 needing lower rent. But yeah, we moved in one place and our neighbor was like, "Hey,

03:39 you know, we got to have you over for coffee and cake later, get to know you,

03:44 we're neighbors, blah blah blah," right? But then we couldn't go because her

03:47 husband discharged a gun into the wall of their, you know, into, so, wall of their

03:53 apartment. So yeah, I was screaming people, drunken people. I remember when I was

03:58 growing up in England, there was one severely traumatized older couple with a

04:02 French accent. I assumed that they had fled the war or escaped after or during

04:07 because when I went to show her my hamster, because we were kind of friends,

04:13 right? I went up and she screamed and slammed the door in my face and her

04:16 husband apologized and said she had terrible experiences with rats during the

04:20 war. And I'm like, "Okay." And again, I'm not blaming her for that. She was a victim

04:25 in all of that, so I understand. But so there were lots of trashy people around.

04:31 But then I went to boarding school and boarding school had kids from higher

04:35 status homes. You know, whether you want to say they're better or whatever, they

04:38 were certainly higher status and that's something to aim for, isn't it? I mean

04:41 higher status is somewhat important. You don't want to be a slave to it, you don't

04:44 want to betray your principles or your virtues for it, but higher status is

04:49 better than lower status as a whole, isn't it? I mean all other things being

04:53 equal. And then in Canada I saw, and in Africa where I live briefly, I mean I saw

05:02 more higher functioning families in my higher functioning homes. And in the

05:07 business world I sort of came across people who made good money and had good

05:10 careers and so on. And rather than just shy away from them, I'm like, "Okay, so

05:14 that's possible, so that's what I'm going to aim for." Like that more functional

05:18 things were possible, happier marriages are possible, more financial stability is

05:22 possible, harder work with more rewards is possible. You know, the lower classes

05:26 kind of hate work as a whole. And I get it because, you know, they're surrounded by

05:30 managers who are terrible because good quality managers don't end up managing,

05:33 like really high quality managers don't end up managing a bunch of waiters at a

05:38 Pizza Hut or a Swiss Chalet or something. They get moved up pretty quickly. So most

05:42 managers that you have when you're starting in the workforce are terrible

05:45 and it's very easy to get very cynical and just avoid work and view work as a

05:50 hassle and a bother and a drag and a negative and, you know, "Man, I work to

05:54 live, I don't live to work." You know, and looking at hard work as a sucker's game

05:57 and, you know, just kind of trapping you down in the underworld then, right? So

06:02 yeah, there are people out there who are higher status than you. Obviously there

06:07 are people out there who are wealthier, who have better relationships, who are

06:10 more confident, who are funnier, who are better conversationalists. There are

06:13 people out there who are like that. Is that aspirational or is that avoidant? I

06:22 mean there's nothing wrong with being avoidant if you can't compete, right? I

06:27 mean if somebody is just like a really great singer and they audition for a

06:31 band and you're not a great singer then let the guy who's the great singer

06:33 audition for the band and get the band singing job, right? That makes sense, right?

06:36 Don't be aspirational for things you can't achieve and maybe somebody's got

06:41 such a great physique that he's a Calvin Klein underwear model. Okay, the

06:46 odds of you achieving that are very low but it may be impossible given your body

06:50 type but you can improve, right? You can improve, can't you? You may not end up

06:56 with the kind of teeth-bound pearly whites that get you in a dental

07:00 commercial but you can certainly improve your oral hygiene and get your teeth

07:03 cleaned and polished and you know like you can improve, right? You may not end up

07:06 with beautiful glassy skin but you may end up, you can improve your skin to some

07:12 degree. Like I have, I don't have say a skincare regimen but I make sure that I

07:16 moisturize day and night and exercise and hydrate and so on and that can help

07:21 with skin and I think it's one reasons why my skin like at 57 my skin is great.

07:25 It's great. Except for that pimple that was immortalized on my Australia trip.

07:30 Ah, to have traveled and have that last forever.

07:33 Philosophy is ephemeral but pimples are forever. So you want to aspire to

07:41 higher quality but the lower quality people in your life, particularly the

07:45 older ones, want you to avoid high quality because once you get to higher

07:48 quality you'll leave them behind. It's just a fact. It's not a fact people like

07:54 to talk about but it's a fact. When you get to higher quality people you have to

08:00 leave the lower quality people behind.

08:03 Because the higher quality people don't want to be around lower quality people.

08:09 And again I'm not talking about totally shallow things. Yeah, yeah, yeah the

08:13 beautiful people don't want to be around the physically ugly people but I'm not

08:16 talking about the things beyond your control. Higher quality people don't like

08:20 mature people don't want to be around immature people. People who've mastered

08:24 their emotions don't want to be around volatile reactionary people who raise

08:27 their voices and get weird and intimidate and avoid and like you just

08:32 honest direct people we don't want to be around manipulative people. People who

08:36 have appropriate levels of anger don't want to be about around people who have

08:40 either no anger and are complete washed out spineless cucks or people have too

08:45 much anger and are volatile aggressive and destabilizing. People with good

08:49 relationships. Oh man I'll tell you this one oh my god I won't get into any

08:55 details because there's a lot people in my past fault that I have a public

08:59 platform but I'll tell you I mean my wife and I I was just joking with her

09:05 this morning it's like we had kind of have to hide this because nobody will

09:08 believe this relationship like how much fun it is how good it is. But my wife and

09:13 I when we first got together and got married when it became evident to me

09:20 what a relationship could be and how much fun and how stable and how positive

09:24 and how loving it could be we spent some time around other couples and the

09:29 couples we spend around time around now are good couples but the couples who are

09:33 kind of volatile and kind of huffy and a little petty and and so on you don't

09:41 want to spend time around those people. I mean maybe if they really beg for your

09:44 help you could ask for your help maybe but you know it it's not it's not you

09:51 don't want to spend time around immature people when you're mature you don't want

09:56 to spend time around low status people if you're high status because your

10:02 status is affected like I mean again it's kind of tribal but it's it's a

10:06 genuine fact of life so if you look up at people use that as a ladder to climb

10:13 the reason why the low quality people in your life don't want you to achieve high

10:19 quality is you'll leave them behind and then they'll have nothing that means

10:23 that they didn't use their envy to become aspirational and prove they just

10:27 stayed in the low status people and then if you get out you'll leave them behind

10:36 and what will they have? Regret forever so they want to keep you down with them

10:39 that would be my guess. All right is it fair to say that any parents who ride

10:46 motorcycles and have children should immediately be a deal-breaker on any

10:49 type of relationship or a person following morality? Any parents who ride

10:56 motorcycles and have children are you looking to get involved with a single

11:01 parent? But why? But why? I mean maybe you're older and you're past like if

11:10 you're a dude no this is a woman right I assume because most most of it is the

11:13 men okay so why would you want to get involved with a single father? Can you

11:19 not get someone who's single? Can you not get someone to have your own children

11:22 with? Now you could say maybe you're a woman past fertility age and all that

11:26 okay maybe but mostly it's men past fertility age and not riding a whole

11:30 bunch of motorcycles right I mean so to me that I mean just for me the

11:36 deal-breaker is just having children like I never got involved with a woman

11:39 who had children. I don't know what's happened in society where that's just

11:46 become a thing other than propaganda and whatever right but the idea that I would

11:51 take my hard-earned resources and pour them into another man's children I don't

11:58 I don't even know what is your level of pride and self-esteem that you'll

12:02 take your life savings and pour it into another man's children or another

12:07 woman's children I mean your resources are for your children. Now again if you

12:12 can't have kids and there's some medical issue or you know I can understand that

12:16 there could be some situations or circumstances but the default position

12:21 should be have your own kids. I mean I would say in particular for listeners of

12:25 this show seems pretty important so. Why do I always fall into the same trap? I

12:30 repeatedly make the mistake of thinking other people are like me. Conversations

12:35 that I go into thinking everyone has the same aim. To get to some objective truth

12:39 can spectacularly backfire and I can end up shocked at how other people will be

12:42 about things that I have said. Empathy is the understanding of difference right

12:50 you don't need particular empathy if someone is mostly like you or in some

12:55 but like you both like band XYZ probably Coldplay but you both like band XYZ

13:02 I like Nickelback right I mean I don't know if you know that the whole

13:05 Nickelback is bad just came from a meme and nobody's thought about it it's just

13:09 an example of social programming. It's not a real thing it's just made up and

13:13 reinforced and stereotypical and cliched and basic bitch and boring. So you need

13:22 empathy for the understanding of difference and people think that empathy

13:24 just means tender-hearted positive feelings towards others. No no no. Empathy

13:29 that's sympathy. Empathy is when you understand the difference between

13:32 yourself and others right so if you're a dark well if you're a woman walking down

13:35 a dark alley and some guy's creeping up behind you it is empathetic to get that

13:39 he's got pretty different aims from you. Your aim is your safety his aim is not

13:42 your safety. So empathy is when you understand that the salesman is trying

13:48 to sell you something for his benefit not yours you you kind of get in there

13:51 and you I so it's understanding difference and so you probably lack

13:55 empathy in terms of understanding difference that there are people out

13:59 there who are enormously different from you and I and other people in pursuit of

14:05 truth, empathy, sympathy, virtue, integrity and all of that. Most people are not in

14:13 pursuit of truth most people are in pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of

14:16 pain which is why programming works so well. I mean if there's anything that

14:21 COVID taught us it's that people are not in pursuit of objectively truth and

14:24 reason and least so among some scientists. So yeah most people they're

14:30 in pursuit of pleasure and they're in avoidance of pain. They're not interested

14:35 in truth that causes them pain and they are interested in lies that bring them

14:40 pleasure. If truth brings pain truth is bad. If lies bring comfort and

14:45 happiness then lies were good. The only good and bad is in what they feel in the

14:50 moment. Long-term be damned, sacrifice be damned, you know it's self-indulgent

14:56 right? I was just reading up on a study for the Peaceful Parenting book and it

15:01 sort of pointed out that most parents hit children way more than they say they

15:05 do and they hit an impulse out of anger and impatience and over completely mind

15:10 numbingly trivial things like absolutely unimportant things. So that's the

15:15 self-indulgent. Yelling and hitting your kid feels good in the moment doesn't

15:18 matter what the long-term effects are. You know voting for this party or that

15:22 party feels good. Hating Trump felt good in your social circle then you'd be

15:26 criticized attacked and ostracized for not hating Trump and people aren't

15:29 thinking things through. All they're doing is saying what's the emotional

15:33 positive and the status positive. What's the emotional negative or status

15:38 negative among this particular group? That's all they're doing and if you

15:43 don't recognize that if you think that people are like yourself when they're

15:47 very different in fact opposite then yeah you lack empathy because empathy

15:50 is all about understanding difference. All right oh I did these we did small

15:57 talk I just missed those two earlier ones. All right so let's get to today's

16:01 questions and thank you guys everyone so much for these fantastic questions. All

16:05 right I wrote I'm so glad all possible questions have been answered. Just

16:11 kidding of course hit me up it's um passive-aggressive Steph it's nice to

16:16 make you quince off once in a while isn't he? All right woman wrote my

16:21 husband of nine years recently returned from a four-night business trip to Las

16:25 Vegas. Before he left I gently reminded him to go easy on the alcohol and to be

16:29 careful with one of his single female colleagues. About a week before he left I

16:34 had a dream in which they were at the main event together and she was overly

16:37 flirtatious and giggly and very touchy-feely with him. Oh never trust

16:43 women who act like children when they're being flirtatious. Right I mean I'm

16:50 wrestling my way through a really horrendous movie called The Last Tango in

16:54 Paris which is basically about I mean in my view it's just about pedophilia in

16:59 the same way that Fifty Shades of Grey was about pedophilia because the the

17:05 girl Maria Schreider or something like that the girl who was 19 when she made

17:10 the movie has the face of a 12 year old and constantly talks about how like she

17:13 feels like a child in this apartment with this incredibly sinister sociopath

17:17 guy played by Marlon Brando or not played by Marlon Brando. He mostly used his own

17:22 life. So women like if you look at what do women do like who are kind of broken

17:30 as children how do they flirt? They're very giggly and and you always see

17:35 this that the woman this is in Fifty Shades of Grey and countless other

17:40 movies where the woman is attracted to the guy she turns and she trips over

17:43 something like she's physically uncoordinated like a child and women who

17:52 return to childhood mannerisms when flirting are like unbelievably

18:02 dangerous unbelievably dangerous and don't don't do it right okay so this

18:10 woman says about a week before he left I had a dream in which they were at the

18:13 main event together and she was overly flirtatious and giggly and very touchy

18:16 feely with him. I trust my husband but I don't trust her and I conveyed this to

18:20 him. Upon his return as he was recounting his experiences he told me that my dream

18:25 about this woman was spot-on and she did indeed behave that way. I felt a bit

18:29 unsettled as so many of his stories seem to involve this woman. It's not a huge

18:33 team fewer than 100 employees but it bothered me that she seemed to have

18:37 spent so much time in close proximity with my husband instead of with the

18:39 other women or single men on the team. The next day my husband informed me that

18:43 he and some of his male colleagues attended a strip club striptease show.

18:46 This makes me sick. I told him that in my mind this is not

18:50 something that honorable men do particularly married men. He initially tried

18:53 to deflect and compared me to his mentally ill mother but I do not think

18:56 my concerns and disgust are unfounded. I feel as though this is a breach of trust

19:00 and I feel sad betrayed and lost. He even mentioned that moving forward he simply

19:05 won't share these things with me oh dear. I hope he does not sincerely feel this

19:09 way as I cannot imagine a marriage surviving let alone thriving without

19:11 trust and honest communication. She says I would add that my husband works

19:17 remotely from home but business trips do occur occasionally for specific company

19:25 events. He is the sole provider and I am the homemaker of traditional gender roles.

19:30 I'm just trying to look and see if there are kids involved. Somebody says I don't

19:39 recall attending strip clubs and flirting with other women as being part

19:41 of the traditional male gender role and she says I completely agree this

19:45 behavior is out of character for him. I told him it makes me perceive him as

19:48 weak not strong. Strong men maintain firm boundaries of appropriate behavior and

19:52 are not swayed by the words and actions of others. Just because you're in Vegas

19:55 doesn't mean you have to behave like you're in Vegas. Somebody says it seems

20:01 simple to me. Strong men are virtuous men. Would I want my wife flirting with other

20:05 men and attending strip clubs? No and she wouldn't want me to either. That's one of

20:09 the reasons I married her. Lifelong monogamy. I'm sorry he did that. Must be

20:12 tough. Honestly the blame game afterwards is worse in my opinion. A woman says thank

20:17 you you are a good man. Yesterday I was very angry. Today I can't stop crying.

20:21 Somebody writes back I think that is what Stefan was getting at yesterday

20:25 about being married not blind. There's natural impulse to look at attractive

20:28 members of the opposite sex. Virtue is supposed to instruct us on what to do.

20:31 Glancing at an attractive woman just happened that just happens to walk by

20:34 could be one thing. Spending precious time and dollars to go off and out of your way

20:37 to look at it. Come on I mean there are zero virtuous people in a strip club. I

20:40 bet his excuse will be because Vegas. But there's lots of fun things to do out

20:44 there besides that. Yeah well I'm sorry about this on so many levels. There

20:55 isn't any mention of our children here. Let's see. So I'll tell you the things

21:03 that I have issue with. Doesn't mean that you should. I'm just telling you my

21:07 things of course right. I trust my husband but I don't trust her. No you

21:12 don't trust your husband. You don't trust your husband because be careful of this

21:20 woman. Are you saying that once he's aware of a woman flirting with her but

21:25 beware of this woman. And of course if you do trust your husband and he

21:28 behaved in this way then you were incorrect to trust your husband right.

21:31 Because he behaved in ways that are untrustworthy. So she was

21:37 the single woman was very flirty. So the single woman is a homewrecker right.

21:41 She's a homewrecker. So she is probably attracted to your husband because she

21:47 hates marriage and wants to destroy any semblance of a happy marriage right. So

21:52 and then he says he went to a striptease show. Does that mean a strip club? I'm not

21:59 sure what a striptease show is. I mean versus a strip club. This makes me

22:04 sick. Yeah I sort of have an issue with you know I you know literally shaking. I

22:15 feel sick. You know I was I've cried all day and so on. I don't know. Oh nine years.

22:24 So are you saying that you don't understand your husband's character

22:26 after being married to him for nine years? Are you... it seems to me that you

22:32 feel hurt and then the emotional response could be I don't know

22:35 obviously but it could be manipulation. Look how much you've hurt me and as a

22:38 way to control or change your husband's behavior. What do you mean? So you had

22:46 no idea that your husband was any kind of conformist. You had absolutely like

22:51 nine years. I don't know how long you were together beforehand. Let's say a

22:54 decade plus right. So ten to twelve years and you have no idea of your husband's

23:01 character or nature. I don't understand that. I don't understand that

23:04 fundamentally. You had no idea your husband could be flirty with women. You

23:10 had no idea that your husband could go to a striptease show. You had no idea

23:14 that your husband was any kind of conformist. You had no like zero idea. I

23:17 don't follow that. I don't understand that. If you've been with someone for over

23:22 a decade and you have no idea who they are, I don't know how that's his fault. I

23:28 mean yes he did things that are bad. I understand that but I don't understand

23:32 how you claiming to be shocked and sickened and crying and upset and angry

23:37 because your husband... like you understand if you don't have any real clue about

23:44 your husband's character it's because you are not connected to him. You are not

23:50 curious about him. You don't understand him which means that for ten

23:54 plus years you have failed to understand any essential facts about your husband's

23:58 character. Now I know this is going to sound odd and I'm not trying to blame

24:01 the victim. How do you think your husband feels that you don't understand him at

24:07 all? That you're shocked and sickened and appalled by his behavior? That means that

24:11 you don't understand him at all. So what have you been doing over the past ten

24:14 plus years if not getting to know each other? Right? What have you been doing? I

24:23 don't understand what people do in relationships if they don't get to know

24:26 each other. If your husband of ten plus years does something that's so deeply

24:31 shocking that you feel sick and you cry all day and then you don't understand

24:37 your husband and that means that he is also in a relationship where his wife

24:40 doesn't really have the first clue about who he is. I don't mean to sort of

24:48 play dumb I'm just genuinely like what are you doing in your marriage if you

24:53 don't understand your husband? So let's say that your husband you know maybe

24:57 he's a little weak-willed when it comes to conformity with others right? Maybe

25:03 he's worried about paying the bills and therefore he feels well if the price of

25:06 staying employed and having a job where I can work from home is that I go to a

25:11 striptease show then I'll do it. I don't particularly want to it's not my thing

25:15 but you know if I didn't go I might not get that promotion I might lose my job

25:20 over time I might like whatever I don't know I don't know I don't know what his

25:23 reasoning is. But you just getting sick and angry and crying all day and

25:31 literally shaking stuff I mean how does that get you to understand or learn your

25:35 husband? Look my god I don't know how to get this across in a way that's going to

25:42 be vivid enough I already did the coaster thing yesterday. Look listen when

25:55 you get married to someone let me be straight up with you when you get

25:58 married to someone you need to understand this to your very soul to

26:01 your very core to the spine of your spine when you get married to someone

26:05 you are saying to them I will never ever judge you negatively in any foundation

26:12 away ever ever ever again. You may do things I disagree with but I can't judge

26:20 you negatively I can only be curious. I mean I mean imagine like let's say my

26:27 wife came home with some bizarre tattoo tomorrow I mean I can't imagine right

26:30 but let's say she did well I can't judge her negatively I can disagree with her

26:37 getting a tattoo I can say I wish you hadn't but I can't judge her negatively

26:43 how irresponsible how terrible how blah I don't like it you didn't consult with

26:46 me like God once you marry someone you are one flesh and this idea that you can

26:54 separate from someone judge them harshly judge them negatively judge them as bad

27:00 it's like yelling at your stomach if you've got a bit of a big stomach you

27:04 know yelling you're so fat it's like no no no your stomach is you and you or

27:07 your stomach when you married you're one flesh the idea that you can distance

27:11 yourself and insult someone put them down think badly of them oh he did these

27:16 bad things he flirted he went to a strip club he like he's just a terrible guy he

27:20 compared me to his mentally ill mother that's like that's not a thing in

27:25 marriage why why do people think that you can choose someone out of everyone

27:29 and then castigate them foundationally ever ever again afterwards I don't it's

27:39 like people who say I hate my body you are your body and your body is you I

27:45 hate this about myself I hate that about myself no you don't if you can't change

27:51 it then you just hate reality and if you can change it then you hate your choices

27:55 which is you I mean what are we other than the sum of our choices so you have

28:01 this kind of it's a funny thing where people have this in relationships where

28:05 they believe that they have somehow the right to choose someone and say in the

28:09 vows to love to honor to obey for better and worse in sickness and in health

28:14 until death do us part or whatever you mean there's a reason those vows exist

28:17 whatever vows you particularly had but did you say over in your marriage vows

28:24 did you say I absolutely completely and totally reserve the right to lash out

28:31 and attack every foundational aspect of your character to call you immoral

28:37 untrustworthy bad wrong evil a betrayer was that any part of your vows no for

28:45 better or for worse which means yes sometimes your husband will do things

28:48 that you don't like sometimes your wife will do things that you don't like but

28:53 you have absolutely zero right to verbally abuse condemn and castigate the

29:01 love of your life the union of your flesh and the mother and father of your

29:06 children you have zero right you give up that right by making your vows by

29:11 getting married but you make these specific vows or not that's what

29:14 marriage is together forever for better for worse you can disagree you can even

29:21 get angry but you can never ever ever condemn your spouse's character or

29:27 behavior in any foundational moral terms why because you chose that person you

29:34 cannot condemn that person without condemning yourself any more than two

29:41 people in a rowboat can think well I'll just drill a hole in my side and only he

29:45 will sink or I'll just drill a hole in his side and only he will sink you're in

29:49 it together he is a reflection of your choices you can't condemn him without

29:52 condemning yourself particularly after nine years of marriage you chose him you

29:58 can't condemn him without condemning yourself everyone thinks that they have

30:04 some like some some incredible weapon like some laser precision weapon that

30:10 can only hit the bad aspects of your partner and never hit the good aspects

30:14 and just shoot away the bad aspects and all that's left is all of the wonderful

30:17 stuff it's like that's not how it works

30:21 you hit him you hit yourself you put him down you put yourself down you attack

30:26 him you know he attacks you back yeah I disagree I disagree with what he did I

30:31 don't think it's a particularly elevated or honorable thing to do so what so he

30:35 did something dishonorable he did something negative you chose the guy

30:40 you've stayed with him for a decade plus right if you count the dating so you

30:46 you've chosen him so thinking that you can thinking that you can separate

30:54 yourself from your partner and morally condemn that person without losing your

31:01 own soul in the blowback is incomprehensible to me it's like bad

31:06 parent-child I mean you you've taken a parental role and he said this he said

31:11 you're acting like my mother well I'm not saying the mentally ill part but you

31:14 are when you finger wag at your partner and say you're bad I'm good you did the

31:20 wrong thing I'm a good person you betrayed me I'm the victim you are

31:24 taking a bad parent role with him

31:28 it's not gonna work it's not gonna go to a good place you cannot be a wife and a

31:37 mother to your husband you're gonna have to choose one and coming down like

31:44 someone on a ton of bricks without thinking that you get caught in the

31:47 avalanche is fundamentally incomprehensible to me I mean I get it

31:51 like I know it happens all the time but I don't understand why people give

31:55 themselves permission to condemn someone they freely chose to unite their lives

31:59 with I don't I don't follow you don't have the right to condemn him without

32:09 condemning yourself because he is a manifestation of your continual choices

32:17 for ten plus years twelve years let's say you were together three years before

32:21 you got married for a dozen years he is a manifestation of your choices is in

32:26 your life because of your choices he stays in your life because of your

32:29 choices you chose him over many others you stayed with him over many others you

32:35 vowed to love him does love him mean also fundamentally condemning his

32:40 character nope I mean you may want to give him some reminders you may want to

32:47 seek to understand what's going on for him but seeking to understand someone

32:52 it's the opposite of condemning you can condemn or you can understand you can't

32:57 do both and in a marriage

33:04 taking out this whip and thinking that the stripes only end up on his back

33:08 rather than your union you're just you're attacking and destroying not him

33:12 but your entire Union why why why would you do that there's some reason why he

33:19 did what he did you may not understand it which is your fault right again I'm

33:24 not trying to blame the victim yeah he did things that I would completely

33:26 disagree with absolutely but the fact that you are shocked and and physically

33:32 sick and blah blah blah right that's you're now saying that you're your

33:37 body allergic to your husband yeah good luck with that man well you know where

33:40 that's gonna go you know that contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce now

33:45 maybe you want out maybe you're done I don't know but be honest about that

33:49 don't just start sniping and picking at his character in some foundational way

33:53 thinking that you're better because he did bad things but you chose him for 12

33:58 years I mean I hope that this makes some kind of sense and if you want to do a

34:01 call and I'm very happy about that but

34:05 who did more wrong the guy who went to a strip club or the woman who is currently

34:10 assassinating her husband's entire character I don't know man I don't know

34:17 when someone does something wrong they give you you have power over that person

34:23 right someone does something wrong you have power over that person how you use

34:27 that power determines the future of your relationship whether whether it has a

34:30 future someone does something wrong you now have power because they are you

34:34 interest I went to a strip club and now you oh you have power you can you can

34:38 castigate that person you can condemn that person you can be sickened and

34:42 angry and crying and betrayed and drama drama drama or you can say there's

34:49 something about my husband that I need to really understand not judge not judge

34:54 the judgment happened 12 years ago when you got together and nine years ago when

34:58 you got married that judgments already come and gone at no point judging now

35:01 you already judged so if there's something you fail to understand then

35:06 you should sit down and try and understand it and you can't understand

35:09 something without judging so you can't understand something if you judge that

35:14 doesn't make any sense judgment means that you already fully

35:17 understand but you don't understand because you were surprised so you need

35:21 to figure out what's going on with your husband and certainly don't take the mom

35:24 thing that's that's just a disaster have you ever watched the whatever podcast or

35:32 video I don't fully understand why the girls continue to go on the show despite

35:34 him completely exposing their shallowness what is going on with shows

35:38 like Pearl and whatever is it female in group preference is it simple business

35:42 or is it a death impulse or something else entirely that draws these women to

35:46 these interviews roundtables yeah I mean I've watched a couple of clips they show

35:52 up on on X from time to time and yeah I mean it's attractive women with bad

36:02 arguments being schooled by a midwit I'm a smart guy I guess to some degree but

36:11 there is a lot of hostility that men have towards attractive women because

36:20 they think attractive women have it so easy and they have it so great and they

36:23 don't have to work for a living and they can just get simps to send the money and

36:27 yeah I guess I mean all of that's true for sure all of that's true for sure a

36:32 lot of times but men get angry because what is this they say that being a woman

36:41 is like life on easy mode like like playing a video game on easy mode guys

36:50 man do you know how miserable women are do you know how miserable so many women

36:57 are in the second half of their life let me go look at antidepressants women 50

37:05 plus are gobbling them by the wheelbarrow load do you know how

37:09 miserable women are so many women not all of course but how miserable so many

37:15 women are at the second half of their life I mean it's really sad I mean

37:20 there's purely things on on X she she posts obvious things like you were more

37:26 attractive at 20 than 35 and you get all of these women sending in these pictures

37:31 at themselves at 35 45 65 saying well I'm still hot and you know half topless

37:36 and bikini shots and stuff like that and it's like man a miserable existence and

37:44 I mean there's a lot behind it and I've talked about it a lot before but it's

37:57 like looking a lot a lottery winner thinking he's got it made without

38:01 tracking how he does later on in life everyone who you perceive has it easy is

38:09 going to have it hard everyone you perceive is getting free stuff is going

38:18 to pay for it in ways you can't even imagine how bad they are and this is a

38:24 perspective like I'm pushing 60 incomprehensible but there it is I'm

38:29 pushing 60 I'm 57 right well I guess I'm still technically closer to 55 than 60

38:37 but I've in my mind I feel like I want to think I'm pushing 60 because that

38:41 reminds me of mortality and getting things done that hopefully are of a

38:44 value and quality so at my age I'm seeing women in the second half of their

38:50 life like this the last third of their life right it's carnage man it's

38:58 carnage out here all that quote free stuff that the women are getting the

39:08 price they have to pay later on is almost unbelievable now the women who

39:17 have become great wives and great mothers and great members of their

39:23 communities they're charitable they're generous they elevate they love their

39:27 kids they teach good values they protect their children from the corrosive

39:32 culture the corrosive contemporary culture they're happy they're content

39:37 they're looking forward to growing old with their husbands and having grandkids

39:41 and great wonderful stuff and of course I don't have the miserable people in my

39:48 life but you know before they left I saw what was going on every now and then

39:52 almost out of a kind of morbid curiosity I'll check up on them and the

39:57 incredible thing about social media you can see people's life arc formerly you

40:01 couldn't they just moved to another city they'd vanish from your mind maybe you'd

40:04 hear about them third hand you know from time to time but now you can go check up

40:08 on how's it all going for you how all the pretty girls doing who never settled

40:13 down who monetize their attractiveness into trips around the world I went to

40:18 Bali with a great middle-aged guy who just right how's that how's that playing

40:28 out for them I mean it's the Marlon Brando thing Marlon Brando was one of

40:32 the most talented and physically beautiful people particularly before he

40:36 busted up his nose boxing with an another actor backstage while doing

40:42 street kind of desire on stage physically beautiful and incredibly

40:47 talented and very intelligent very intelligent guy and look at the second

40:52 half of his life you know one kid committed suicide another kid went to

40:56 jail for manslaughter a business partner committed suicide he battled epic

41:00 depression and misery and and he ended up doing movies to pay for his bizarre

41:07 Tahitian lifestyle but yeah I mean so you look at Marlon Brando and I

41:12 remember there was a picture of Marlon Brando he I think there was some girl he

41:19 met they were filming Mutiny on the Bounty and there was some Tahitian girl

41:22 that he met and there's a picture of them you know him looking great her

41:25 looking great in the surf him smiling up like I own the world I'm a

41:29 multimillionaire I'm talented I'm handsome I get all of the prettiest

41:32 girls and I mean it's just monstrous what happens to them in Robert De Niro

41:39 has now got divorced and is only doing movies because like in his 70s or

41:45 whatever for money and I mean it's just awful what happens to all of the people

41:51 who seem so successful in the first half and this Christianity is like you know

41:56 the first shall become last the last shall become first I mean this is a

42:01 story I read when I was when I was maybe 12 I think I was my mother went to

42:09 Germany my brother went to England where he stayed for a couple of years and I

42:14 ended up kind of washed up like some piece of seaweed on a friend of mine's

42:19 grandparents I didn't know them I didn't have any money I was just stuck there

42:23 all summer in this little condo with one sick woman and a emotionally incredibly

42:28 distant old man and yeah this was not not a great time in my life not a time

42:35 where I thought much about elevation and potential and possibility and I read a

42:44 story as I was I would what but I had no money what did I do I walked half an

42:49 hour to get to the library every day and I just sat and read or I would I would

42:53 photocopy pictures and find cool ways to color them in but and I started writing

42:59 that summer but the story that I read was of a guy who was bullied and couldn't

43:07 swim at the nice beach couldn't practice his swimming at the nice beach so he

43:10 ended up going to the storm-tossed cold strong riptide currents hell beach

43:14 that's rocky on the other side of the island because he was bullied and chased

43:19 away from the good beach so all of the kids were sunning themselves and

43:24 practicing their swimming on their nice pleasant sandy sunny lovely beach and he

43:28 was getting storm-tossed and dodging rocks swimming in the cold water on the

43:32 other side of the island so the kids who bullied him are having a great time he's

43:39 having a terrible time and of course who who wins the swimming competition he

43:46 does because adversity brings strength and we look at all of the people who've

43:58 had adversity taken away from them and we envy them and I understand that I do

44:02 I really understand that I've been prayed to it I'm occasionally still

44:06 pray to it but that's the short view the long view is everyone who takes things

44:17 for free everyone who takes things they did not earn pays with their very soul

44:26 everyone who steals is stolen from and they steal material things and their

44:33 soul is taken it's the devil's bargain everyone you

44:39 envy all the pretty beautiful people who seem to have life handed to them on a

44:43 silver platter I mean like the the kids I knew when I was in high school who

44:48 were so wealthy the family was so wealthy that they drove to schools in

44:53 Corvettes the Corvettes I could barely afford the bus yeah there was some envy

44:58 there was some envy there was some envy

45:03 where are they now but it's not good

45:13 the second half of life is when the bill comes due and everyone you think is

45:24 getting away with everything in the first half of life when the bill comes

45:31 due you almost can't be far enough away from the thermonuclear blast that takes

45:40 their souls it's horrible so yeah the whatever stuff is yeah bringing in dumb

45:53 pretty girls to indulge in people's anger towards the pretty girls who

45:58 reject them and you get to see the pretty girls humiliated and you get to

46:03 look at the girls who are monetizing their beauty their physical

46:06 attractiveness and you get to feel resentful zeta male rage at these

46:12 goddesses of wealth and thirst that are stepping from cloud to cloud while you

46:18 tunnel through the goblin minds looking for half a dollar in the rubble hating

46:28 those who are enjoying the unearned is hating virtue and of course we all know

46:36 these girls grew up without fathers in a toxic culture and were easily seduced at

46:40 the dark side by all of the black forces running the planet and I mean are they

46:45 victims no they're adults I get all of that but we all know the entirely

46:52 predictable backstory and remember one out of three girls is sexually abused as

46:57 a child you don't think that has an effect on where these people end up

47:00 would you would you envy people who end up monetizing their bodies and

47:05 commoditizing themselves because they were used as commodities as children

47:10 that they hyper sexualized themselves because they were sexualized and

47:15 assaulted or raped or molested as children the hellscape that goes on

47:26 behind all of these supposedly high status people is really appalling the

47:35 pendulum of life swings very hard on those who take what they did not earn

47:41 who steal and of course monetizing female beauty is a form of theft because

47:45 women didn't create their own bodies they didn't create sexual market value

47:49 that's evolutionary they didn't create male lust they didn't create the impulse

47:53 for men to give attractive women resources they're just using all of that

47:56 they didn't earn any of that stuff it's just just born into it the price that

48:02 is paid is far greater than the rewards that are given that's why it's a bad

48:06 move that's why it's a bad deal it's why it's a bad idea the price that is paid

48:09 is far worse it's far greater than the goods that are received I mean the

48:17 isolation the loneliness the shame the falling off the cliff the hitting the

48:21 wall the degradation the loss the regret the childlessness the lovelessness the

48:28 it's so when when I look at this kind of stuff and you see these you know girls

48:37 giggling and and with their makeup and half topless and all of that and making

48:43 their silly facetious arguments I mean you see objects perhaps to be to feel

48:52 contempt for or to resent or to hate or to roll your eyes at and so on and it's

48:57 like I see people with the shadow of a descending projectile above them I see

49:05 people laughing as a bomb falls in the distance the bomb of time the bomb of

49:10 decay the bomb of man you better find somebody to love before you physically

49:15 fall apart because otherwise everybody's gonna know that they're sloppy second

49:21 leftovers second being optimistic and I I do I understand the envy I do I

49:29 understand the envy we've all felt it I think I mean I've certainly felt it less

49:36 now of course love the struggle love the struggle the envy of those who have it

49:47 easy easy is the belief that there is no justice in the minds hearts and souls of

49:53 mankind there is justice whether you believe in God or not there is justice

49:57 it comes it is relentless it is inexorable the conscience is real and

50:03 all the people who escape their conscience are devoured by their

50:07 conscience right you know all of these movies horror movies where the guy runs

50:10 away from the ghost turns around of the ghost is right there in the room with

50:13 him you can't run from yourself you can't run from the deep knowledge of

50:16 everything you've done or haven't done you can't run from reality except into

50:21 madness which is a fate worse than death in many ways in my view yeah my mother

50:26 was beautiful and she flew all around the world and she had guys and and all

50:31 of that and yeah she didn't have to be good because she was pretty and the

50:43 price that you pay is horrendous and this is again the story of the devil the

50:47 devil gives you material things the material the joy of the material things

50:49 fades and you end up regretting the deal because the good is all gone and only

50:57 the pain is to come and it is eternal it is it feels it I mean that you sell your

51:03 soul to the devil so to speak eternally because there is no God going back and

51:07 undoing things and the half century for women from 40 to 90 feels like

51:12 eternity because you can't go back to 20 you can't go back to 30 it's an

51:17 eternity because there's no fixing it and therefore it feels eternal so I do

51:22 view those shows as you know is it worth humiliating women who are not

51:30 particularly smart but are pretty is it worth that should there not be some

51:37 compassion and reaching out and saying you know this this really is going to

51:44 lead into a bad path and it already is but you don't see it yet because you've

51:49 decided to gain value over being wanted rather than being good nobody gets away

51:57 with anything that's just a big lesson of the second half of your life man

52:00 nobody gets away with anything and if you believe that they do you're on a

52:07 dark path because that resentment will cause you to lose your empathy so I hope

52:12 that helps free domain comm slash donate to help out the show it really

52:16 appreciated the quality I think of what I'm producing is pretty stellar these

52:19 days in particular so if you would like to help out free domain comm slash tonight

52:23 take care my friends bye

Pity for Immorality - Locals Questions!

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