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Lessly Rios
  • 3 weeks ago

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TV
Transcript
00:00Listen, pep talk, big day today, this is the grand re-re-re-opening and we have to sell
00:27Big day for another reason too. Linda, I'm in the middle of my pep talk. Go ahead, sorry, go ahead, do your pep.
00:34Alright, so we have to sell some burgers today, alright, or we're in big trouble. Who's farting?
00:39It's Gene's sound effects thing. I thought that made you sound like a robot.
00:43It does robot voice, laser sound, and fart noise. Here's all three together.
00:50Oh God. Listen, your mother and I have to go downstairs and grind the meat.
00:53And we might not be back for a while because it's our special day.
00:56Ew. Ew. Ew. What? We don't do that. Anymore.
01:02Oh, why'd I shave then? But you kids know where you're supposed to be while we're gone, right?
01:06Daniel, you're on the grill. My crotch is itchy.
01:09Whoa. Okay, are you telling me as my son or as my grill cook?
01:13Um, as your... Because my grill cook would never tell me that.
01:18Oh. Daniel, I need you to stay focused today, buddy, alright?
01:21No matter what's going on with your crotch. Just like your father.
01:23Lynn, stop. Louise, you're working the counter. I put your little stepstool back here.
01:28But do not alter anything on the chalkboard.
01:30Well, what if I think of something better? Which would be almost impossible not to do.
01:35You will not think of something better because new baconings is perfect. It's hilarious. Right?
01:41You know what? I'm taking the chalk.
01:43Like I don't have chalk.
01:44Gene, you're outside. Nicely offering people a free sample, alright?
01:48I'm on it.
01:48Wait, wait. You need your samples.
01:50Oh, yeah.
01:51Also, people coming out of the crematorium next door.
01:54People obviously in mourning.
01:56Yeah?
01:56Don't offer them samples.
01:58Dad, when I'm in character out there, I get in a zone.
02:02I can't keep track of who's in mourning and who isn't.
02:05Just anyone with an urn.
02:07Yeah?
02:07Leave them alone.
02:08I know you think it's the gene show out there, but there's a line between entertaining and annoying.
02:13No, that's a myth.
02:14All right, listen.
02:24You're my children, and I love you, but you're all terrible at what you do here.
02:30And I feel like I should tell you, I'd fire all of you if I could.
02:33Bob.
02:34All right, hands in.
02:35Re-re-re-opening.
02:36Re-re-re-re-opening.
02:39Bob's Burgers.
02:47Free samples.
02:48Come and get it.
02:50Oh, sorry.
02:51I didn't see your urn.
02:53I'm sorry.
02:55I thought it was a thermos or something.
02:58Hey, forget it.
02:58Forget it.
02:59Hey.
02:59Sorry for your hot-sleeful vlog.
03:02Hey, buddy.
03:03Check out these buns.
03:05Yeah.
03:06I don't like leaving the kids alone up there for this long.
03:11Something bad's going to happen.
03:13Bob, they're fine.
03:14Please, I asked you a question.
03:16Yes, what was the question?
03:17You remember our wedding night?
03:19Yes, we worked, because we couldn't afford not to.
03:21I remember.
03:22You know, you're grinding too fast.
03:23Slow down.
03:24What was the date?
03:25The date?
03:26Yes, the date of our wedding.
03:27I don't know.
03:29Oh, crap.
03:30Is it today?
03:31Yes, Bob.
03:32Today's our anniversary.
03:33Yes, it is.
03:34I'm sorry.
03:35Baby, I'm sorry.
03:36I'm not good with dates.
03:37You know that.
03:38Today's your birthday?
03:40Yes, Bob.
03:41Today's my birthday?
03:43Yes, Bob.
03:44Your due date was today?
03:46Yes, Bob.
03:47How'd it go?
03:49How do you think it went very well?
03:51That's good.
03:53Boy or girl?
03:55Where are you going?
03:56I'm done.
03:57I said I'm sorry.
03:58Bob, I'm done.
03:59Linda, come back.
04:00We need to finish grinding the hamburger.
04:02Oh, my God.
04:07Gross.
04:09Can you help me up?
04:10You're blocking the sidewalk.
04:11Uh, could...
04:12Thanks, fellas.
04:14Can you help me pick up these samples?
04:17Thank you, gentlemen.
04:18You can't give out those samples.
04:20You just dropped them on the ground.
04:21Shh.
04:22What are you, the dropping food on the ground police?
04:25Yes.
04:25They have that?
04:26Yeah.
04:26Health inspector.
04:27Yeah, health inspector.
04:29What?
04:30Health inspector.
04:31Robot health inspector.
04:33You are a robot.
04:34Inspect the food must make sure it is safe for you if you're not subject.
04:38I'm just saying it's easy to remember our anniversary.
04:40It's September 3rd.
04:429-3.
04:429 is divisible by 3.
04:45What?
04:45That's not...
04:46A lot of numbers are divisible by 3.
04:48Don't argue with me.
04:49All right, you're right.
04:509 is divisible by 3.
04:51And now I'll remember.
04:52Hello.
04:53Welcome to Bob's Burgers.
04:54The burger of the day is the child molester.
04:58It comes with candy.
04:59Because sometimes they use candy to lure their victims.
05:02Oh.
05:03Is this your parents' place?
05:05Yes.
05:05They're down in the basement grinding the meat right now.
05:08That's not a euphemism.
05:09They're really grinding the meat.
05:11Show us the kitchen, please.
05:13Smell this.
05:14Doesn't it smell like strawberries?
05:17Gotcha.
05:17It's a spoiled milk, dummy.
05:19So you're the health inspector?
05:21Yes.
05:22What is that?
05:22Is that like a rash?
05:23I'm not that kind of health inspector.
05:26But, uh, yeah.
05:28Are you messing with me?
05:30What?
05:30What are you...
05:31No.
05:31No.
05:32You are.
05:32I'm...
05:33You are.
05:34Lynn, I forgot.
05:35I am sorry.
05:36I said I'm sorry.
05:37And I'm gonna make it up to you.
05:38I can see you smiling.
05:40I'm not smiling.
05:41You're smiling with your eyes.
05:43What is it?
05:44What are you doing?
05:45A party?
05:45Why are you doing this?
05:46Is it a party upstairs?
05:48No.
05:48Linda, can you please just finish this?
05:49I gotta get back up there.
05:50To get everything ready for the party!
05:52No!
05:53To get everything ready for lunch in our restaurant.
05:55The one we're trying to save.
05:56Remember?
05:57Go ahead.
05:58Go.
05:58Call me to come up when it's all ready.
06:00I'll act surprised like this.
06:02Ah!
06:03That's...
06:04I almost had a heart attack.
06:06That's scared.
06:06That's not surprised.
06:07Ah!
06:09That's like you hurt yourself.
06:11Ah!
06:13That's good.
06:13Rashi grill cook.
06:19You have no idea what I've just been through.
06:23Do I have any toilet paper stuck to my buns?
06:26Where are the grown-ups?
06:28What is this?
06:29Lord of the Flies, the restaurant?
06:31Kill the pig.
06:31That means you.
06:32Why me?
06:33Because you have glasses.
06:35Yeah.
06:35And your balls are weird.
06:37Yeah.
06:37No, my balls aren't weird as the skin on the balls has a rash.
06:41They're weird.
06:42Knock, knock.
06:42Who's there?
06:43Brr, balls.
06:46Aha!
06:47You must be Bob.
06:48Uh, who are you?
06:49We're from the health inspector's office.
06:51I'm Hugo.
06:52This is my partner, Ron.
06:53Give me that.
06:54Come on.
06:55Bob, this is my violations notebook.
06:58I just filled it.
06:58It took five minutes in your kitchen.
07:00Uh, that sounds bad.
07:02It's a record.
07:04Shut up.
07:04Not to mention child labor law violations, public decency violations.
07:09Public decency?
07:09What are you talking about?
07:10The child molester?
07:12I thought this was a family restaurant.
07:14Uh, what's the child molester?
07:15That's the burger of the day.
07:16No, it's not.
07:17For a limited time only, until you came back upstairs.
07:20Did someone actually order this?
07:21Yeah.
07:22Who?
07:22Him.
07:23Mm.
07:24He looks like a child molester.
07:25Louise, don't serve him.
07:26Let Gene bring it.
07:27Uh, Bob?
07:28Why do I have to get molested?
07:29Because he's not going to molest you.
07:31Why?
07:31Because you're heavy.
07:32Bob.
07:33Yeah, hold on.
07:33Heavy kids can get molested.
07:35It's more cushion for the pushing.
07:37Yeah!
07:37That's enough.
07:38Bob.
07:38It's not that.
07:39I mean, Gene, because you're older.
07:40Daniel's the oldest.
07:41Make him do it.
07:42Well, Daniel's not good with the customers.
07:44Bob.
07:44I'm good with the customers.
07:46Mm.
07:46Yeah.
07:46Not really.
07:47I'm great with the customers.
07:49He's autistic.
07:50He can't help it.
07:51Yeah, I'm autistic.
07:52Bob.
07:52Just a sec.
07:53You're not autistic, Daniel.
07:55How many toothpicks on the ground?
07:57Don't play this game again.
07:58Come on.
07:58How many toothpicks?
07:59No, it just involves me cleaning up toothpicks.
08:01A hundred?
08:02Bob.
08:03No.
08:03A hundred?
08:04It's three.
08:05There's three.
08:06Okay, okay.
08:06How many now?
08:07Bob.
08:07Three.
08:08No.
08:09Ugh, you're the worst kind of autistic.
08:11You can't even count.
08:12Bob!
08:12Look, you want to know why we're here?
08:15Because I'll tell you, it's not for a routine inspection.
08:17It's not?
08:18No.
08:18We're investigating a very disturbing rumor.
08:20There's a rumor you make your burgers with human remains from the crematorium next door.
08:28You've got to be kidding me.
08:29That's the rumor.
08:30Hmm.
08:31I wonder how a rumor like that gets started.
08:33It's made with human remains from the crematorium next door.
08:38Who knows?
08:39Kids say crazy stuff.
08:41Here's what's going to happen.
08:42We'll test your meat.
08:43If it contains human flesh, anything above the 4% allowable by the FDA, then your restaurant
08:49will be closed.
08:50And you, sir, will be going to jail.
08:53Oh, a party for me!
08:56Oh.
08:57Hugo?
08:58Linda?
09:00What are you doing here?
09:01I'm the health inspector.
09:02I transferred from back east.
09:03What are you doing here?
09:06This is our restaurant.
09:07We own it.
09:08You're married to him?
09:10How do you two know each other?
09:11I thought you ran off with Bob, the hotshot restaurateur.
09:15I did!
09:16Oh, God.
09:17You did!
09:18I'm on it!
09:20Yeah, I don't think so.
09:22I can't believe you...
09:23I can't believe you left me for him.
09:32You left someone for me?
09:33Oh, he doesn't even know?
09:35We were...
09:36We were briefly engaged.
09:37I still remember the day I heard you were getting married.
09:42Oh, my God.
09:43Is today your anniversary?
09:45Yes!
09:46How do you remember that?
09:47It's 9-3.
09:489 is divisible by 3.
09:50That doesn't make sense.
09:51A lot of numbers are divisible by 3.
09:53Well, happy anniversary.
09:59I try it.
10:01There's no way.
10:06You're a failure.
10:08You failed.
10:09You fail at everything.
10:11You fail at marriage.
10:12You fail at family.
10:14Your kids are failures.
10:16And you're fat.
10:17You're not attractive.
10:19You never were.
10:21Well, you were a little bit.
10:22And you were a teenager.
10:23But then you got fat.
10:24What is he saying out there?
10:26He's talking to the restaurant, Mom.
10:29Bobby, stop talking to the restaurant and come inside.
10:31Leave me alone!
10:33Bob, come inside.
10:35Come on, Bob.
10:36Come on.
10:36Oh.
10:37Bobby.
10:38What's the use?
10:40Bobby!
10:41Dad?
10:42This is Louise, your daughter.
10:43Yes, Louise.
10:45What?
10:45I'm sorry I changed the burger of the day.
10:48And I'm sorry that I told everyone that we make burgers from human remains.
10:52Okay, Louise, thank you.
10:55Dad, it's Gene.
10:56Yes, Gene, go ahead.
10:57Dad?
10:58Yes?
10:59I think we have a bad connection.
11:01I'll call you back.
11:02Oh, my God.
11:02I want to talk to him, too.
11:04I can hear you.
11:05It's just glass.
11:06Oh, is the restaurant going to close?
11:08I don't know, Daniel.
11:10Ask your mother how many burgers we sold today.
11:13Dad wants to know how many burgers we sold today.
11:15I can hear him.
11:16I can hear him.
11:17One.
11:17One.
11:18One.
11:19One hamburger.
11:20Doesn't quite pay the bills, does it, Lynn?
11:22No, it does not.
11:23And you used to be engaged to that guy.
11:25I can't believe that.
11:27Eh, I was young.
11:28My parents wanted me to marry someone clean.
11:31Hugo had very clean hair.
11:32He had clean hair.
11:34Oh, it smelled like a magical garden.
11:36Well, you should go back to him, I guess, because my hair smells like grease and failure.
11:41Bob!
11:42Seriously, Lynn, I mean, you'd be better off.
11:44Aw, Bob.
11:45I would rather be married to a greasy old greasy guy like you with a dream that failed
11:53miserably than a clean-haired guy who never had a dream in the first place.
11:58You would?
11:59No question.
12:00You're a hero to your kids and to me.
12:03Now come inside.
12:04Come inside and make us some food.
12:06We're hungry.
12:07Oh, Lynn.
12:09I'm coming in.
12:13Open the door.
12:14Ha-ha.
12:15Open the door.
12:17Seriously, open the door.
12:18Kids, let your father in the restaurant, please.
12:22Levy it!
12:25Still serving human flesh?
12:27No.
12:27Yes.
12:28No.
12:28Yes.
12:29We have kind of an adventurous eaters club.
12:32We like to try new things.
12:34Can you seat 25 people?
12:36Uh, yes.
12:37Yes.
12:37Great.
12:38Great.

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