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The Plus-Size Girl Chose His Roommate Story.Radiant (ENGL COMPLETE)
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00:00I loved Bryce Crawford since I was a kid, the day he confessed to the pretty transfer student.
00:05Everyone thought I would lose it, come crashing in, crying, begging him to stop.
00:08But I never showed, until six months later, Bryce's birthday.
00:12His untouchable roommate, the heir Cassian Sterling, was caught making out with a hot girl in the stairwell.
00:17Everyone stared, stunned, because they found that gorgeous girl was me, the fatty they used to called Big Clara.
00:23Bryce was going to confess to the pretty transfer student.
00:25He'd given everyone a heads up, made them all keep it from me, but he didn't know.
00:29Someone with a big mouth had already told me.
00:31Everyone knew I was crazy about Bryce Crawford.
00:33Marrying him has always been my dream.
00:35This time, Bryce had fallen hard for the new girl.
00:38Seriously.
00:38So they thought I'd probably cry, scream, throw a fit.
00:41That kind of messy, pathetic drama everyone wants to watch.
00:44They were all waiting for me to lose it.
00:46Storm in to blow the whole thing up.
00:47Too bad.
00:48Right up until Bryce successfully finished his confession, I still hadn't shown.
00:52The bustling crowd started losing interest.
00:54Even Bryce's face didn't have much joy in it.
00:56Not a single call.
00:57Not a single text.
00:58Drinks on me tonight.
00:59Everyone's invited.
01:00The students cheered.
01:01Now I stepped out.
01:02The second he saw my swollen face, the corner of his mouth twitched in disgust.
01:06I ignored the crowd waiting for a show.
01:07Walked straight up to Bryce.
01:09It's Clara.
01:09Big Clara's here.
01:10Told you.
01:11No way Clara could stay away.
01:13Clara.
01:13You can't force my feelings.
01:15This you, not my type.
01:16Yeah, absolutely no.
01:17But we've known each other our whole lives.
01:18I don't want to say anything ugly and ruin what we had.
01:20From now on, I'll still treat you like my little sister.
01:23If you need anything, you can still come to me.
01:26Everyone's watching.
01:27Don't make a scene.
01:27Just go home.
01:28Bryce.
01:30Clara, be good.
01:34I just came to give this back.
01:36Clara, what are you trying to pull now?
01:38Look at your wrist.
01:39You can barely even fit into that thing anymore.
01:41Take the bracelet back.
01:42I won't come around anymore.
01:43This means nothing to me.
01:45If you don't want it, throw it out.
01:45I didn't look at him again.
01:46Turned and walked away.
01:47All the gifts I gave you before, just throw them out too.
01:50Come on, Clara's just saving her pride.
01:52She's putting on a front.
01:53Bryce stood there until I was completely gone from sight.
01:55She's gotten so fat.
01:56Who else would even want to be friends with her besides you?
01:58Bryce, you'll see.
01:59Before the night's over, she'll regret it.
02:02Bet you 20 bucks.
02:03As soon as we leave, she'll be back here crying,
02:06digging through that trash can.
02:08Let her.
02:09If it weren't for our families,
02:11I wouldn't waste five minutes on her.
02:12All right, all right.
02:13Don't let her ruin tonight.
02:14We're supposed to be celebrating.
02:15Bryce glanced at his gorgeous new girlfriend.
02:17He tossed my annoying face out of his head.
02:19He thought I would act as if nothing had happened tomorrow,
02:21waiting for him at his dorm building,
02:23pestering him to go to class together.
02:24He'd seen this play out too many times over the years.
02:28By the time I got to the bridge,
02:29the rain was coming down hard.
02:31I stood there under my umbrella,
02:34thinking about my last life.
02:35After I found out I was adopted
02:37and my parents never loved me,
02:39depression and the medication left me bloated and heavy.
02:42I become the school's biggest joke.
02:44A fat, ugly, big Clara.
02:46Bryce was the only one who'd treat me well.
02:48I couldn't help falling for him.
02:50So I lost it.
02:51The night Bryce confessed to Chloe,
02:52cried, screamed,
02:54tried to force him to break up with her.
02:56In the end,
02:57I jumped off this bridge that night.
02:58And what happened?
02:59Nearly died.
03:01Bryce stayed at the hospital for five minutes,
03:03then walked out without mercy.
03:04The Mercers,
03:05the family that adopted me,
03:07were humiliated by the suicide attempt.
03:09And since Bryce had made his position clear,
03:11I had no use to them anymore.
03:13They sent me back to my birth parents.
03:15A pair of drunks who dealt drugs,
03:17ran a brothel.
03:18The worst kind of people.
03:20After that,
03:20my life just spiraled.
03:22I died alone
03:23in some foreign country.
03:25After I died,
03:26the one who buried me
03:26was him.
03:28The one I'd always been afraid of.
03:30The one I'd kept at a distance.
03:31And Bryce?
03:32He was a newlywed by then,
03:34riding high.
03:35He never showed up.
03:36Not once.
03:37If I hadn't already lived this once,
03:39I'd be blowing up Bryce's phone right now.
03:41I would threaten to kill myself
03:42and about to jump.
03:43But now,
03:44I have a chance.
03:45A chance to change my terrible future.
03:48The third time I dialed the number,
03:49he finally picked up.
03:52Roman Hawthorne.
03:53The name rolled on my tongue a few times.
03:56Then I finally saved.
03:57The rain was coming down so hard,
03:59shutting out the rest of the world.
04:00Only Roman's voice came forward.
04:02Clara?
04:03Roman, it's really coming down.
04:05I'm stuck by the bridge.
04:07Can you come get me?
04:09The line went quiet for a few seconds.
04:11I squeezed the umbrella handle,
04:13palm slick with sweat.
04:14Last time,
04:15the day Roman buried me,
04:17he cried.
04:17Even in the memory,
04:18I could feel how hot they were.
04:20After the funeral,
04:21he gripped a pearl earring.
04:22Silent,
04:23he stayed alone the rest of his life.
04:25I couldn't help it.
04:26A small sob slipped out.
04:28Why are you crying?
04:29Same cold,
04:30distant tone as always.
04:32Almost annoyed.
04:33I didn't say I wouldn't come.
04:34Then when are you coming?
04:36Wait me.
04:3720 minutes.
04:39Okay.
04:39I'll wait for you, Roman.
04:40He didn't say anything else.
04:42The line went dead.
04:4315 minutes later,
04:44I gave my umbrella to a mom and kid
04:45trying to take cover.
04:46So by the time Roman got there,
04:48I was soaked through.
04:50My clothes clung to my bulky frame,
04:52exposing every flaw
04:53I desperately wanted to hide.
04:55Roman.
04:55I opened the passenger door,
04:57keeping my head down,
04:58trying to take up as little space as possible.
05:00He didn't say a single word,
05:01just cranked the car's heater up.
05:04Thank you.
05:05Clara,
05:06you might as well just be done with it.
05:07Die of stupidity.
05:09Then he grabbed a cashmere blanket from the back
05:10and tossed it over me.
05:12Dry off.
05:12Don't get my leather dirty.
05:15Okay.
05:16He focused on driving.
05:18I couldn't help stealing a glance at him.
05:19When he wasn't smiling,
05:20he always looked unreachable,
05:22cold.
05:23Tons of girls at school liked him,
05:24but none of them dared to confess.
05:26He and Bryce were roommates.
05:27I'd been to Bryce's dorm a lot.
05:29Every time I went,
05:30Roman acted like he hated me,
05:32even now.
05:33He came to get me,
05:34but the attitude was still freezing.
05:35There was nothing about him
05:36that said he'd been quietly in love with me
05:38the whole time.
05:39I dropped my eyes.
05:40Everything from the memory had really happened,
05:42but I still couldn't believe
05:43anyone could love someone like me.
05:45Would Roman love me?
05:46Was it all just a misunderstanding?
05:47Or was I just fooling myself?
05:50Back to your dorm.
05:51My heart skipped.
05:52Before I could stop myself,
05:53I said it.
05:53Back to yours.
05:56Roman's hands tightened on the wheel.
05:59Bryce isn't coming back tonight.
06:01I know.
06:02I'm not looking for him.
06:04The car suddenly braked hard at the curb.
06:08The cold in Roman's eyes made my chest tighten.
06:11Clara,
06:12don't fucking use me as part of whatever game
06:14you two are playing.
06:15I'm not.
06:19I'll call you an oop.
06:20You go back yourself.
06:22Roman-
06:22I grabbed his phone out of his hand.
06:25Clara.
06:26But there was no anger in his eyes,
06:27no disgust at me,
06:29just something dark and deep.
06:31Suddenly,
06:32I felt a sadness I couldn't quite put into words.
06:34Roman,
06:34I don't want to go back to my dorm.
06:36The other girls all laugh at me,
06:38and I'm afraid of going home.
06:40Can I just stay at your place tonight?
06:42I mean,
06:43if you really hate me,
06:44if you really don't want to see me,
06:45then forget it.
06:46Roman didn't say a single word,
06:48but he started the car again.
06:50It headed toward campus,
06:53stopped in front of his dorm building in the end.
06:54I followed Roman inside.
06:59Bathroom's that way.
07:00I showered,
07:02threw the hoodie on.
07:03It was a men's hoodie,
07:04yet it fit me perfectly.
07:06My face burning with humiliation.
07:08Roman glanced at me once,
07:10looked away.
07:11I thought he was disgusted by me,
07:13so I didn't notice his ears turning red.
07:15I walked past Bryce's bed,
07:17and sat down on Roman's.
07:18The shampoo and body wash on me,
07:20all of it smelled like Roman.
07:22In that small room,
07:23the same scent.
07:26Going for a smoke.
07:27He stepped out onto the balcony.
07:29I looked around his room,
07:30curious,
07:31clean,
07:31neat.
07:32I was just about to check out
07:33what he kept on his desk.
07:34Then my phone buzzed.
07:36Bryce's name lit up the screen.
07:38I didn't pick up.
07:39It rang again right away,
07:40like he wasn't going to stop.
07:42I just switched the phone to silent,
07:43dropped it back in my bag.
07:46Roman?
07:48What is it?
07:48We held eye contact for two seconds
07:50before he looked away.
07:51Maybe I was imagining it,
07:53but his face looked a little flushed.
07:54I'm so sorry,
07:55but I got your sheets wet.
07:56How am I supposed to sleep tonight?
07:58He glanced at me,
07:59then at the wet spots on the sheets.
08:01He turned,
08:01and grabbed a towel from me.
08:03Go dry your hair first.
08:04I'll change the sheets,
08:05then you can sleep.
08:06He went to the closet for clean ones.
08:07I thought about how red his ears had just gotten.
08:09My heart skipped a beat.
08:11By the time I came out with my hair dry,
08:12Roman had finished changing the sheets.
08:14Go to sleep.
08:15What about you?
08:16Roman picked up his book.
08:18Reading.
08:19Oh,
08:20just about to open it when his phone rang.
08:25Bryce,
08:25what's up?
08:26My heart jumped.
08:27Yeah,
08:27I'm in the dorm.
08:28I held my breath without thinking.
08:29You're saying someone saw Clara at our building?
08:31I didn't wait for him to finish.
08:33I rushed over and instinctively reached for the phone,
08:35but accidentally,
08:36I grabbed Roman's hand.
08:37It was burning hot.
08:38Sorry,
08:39but Roman grabbed my wrist instead suddenly.
08:41Too close.
08:42I could see the vein at the side of his neck tense up,
08:45pushing against the skin.
08:46His throat was working.
08:47His heart was hammering.
08:49Hello,
08:49Roman,
08:49are you there?
08:50Maybe I was so nervous that I lost my head.
08:52Roman,
08:52tell him I'm not here.
08:53Please.
08:58Under my lips,
08:59his skin went hot,
09:00burning.
09:01I look at Roman.
09:02He looked down at me,
09:04behind his eyes.
09:05Something dark spread out,
09:07slow.
09:08Yeah,
09:09still here.
09:09I've been in the dorm the whole time.
09:11She's not here.
09:12Yeah,
09:13ask someone else.
09:14Roman hung up,
09:15tossed his phone aside,
09:16slid his long fingers around my waist,
09:18through the hoodie,
09:19locked there,
09:20pulled me hard against his chest.
09:22I could feel it,
09:23everything burning.
09:24My first instinct was to run,
09:25but Roman held me tighter.
09:27Clara.
09:27His breath was hot against my ear,
09:29my neck.
09:30He kissed me instead,
09:31right on the mouth.
09:33Stop tempting me.
09:34I don't want to touch you in a place like this.
09:36I shifted,
09:36tried to re-adjust our place.
09:40Roman.
09:41It felt like something was about to blow.
09:42Scary.
09:43In the gap between breaths,
09:44I finally got a word in.
09:46If you don't want to touch me,
09:47why do you keep kissing me?
09:50He closed the eyes,
09:51tried to get himself under control.
09:53Roman,
09:54my lips are swollen.
09:55Clara.
09:56But his hands at my waist loosened a little.
09:58His fingers were long and strong.
10:00Through the hoodie,
10:01they dug into me.
10:02It hurt,
10:03and it didn't.
10:04Roman.
10:05He caught my fingers instead.
10:07Clara,
10:08stay still.
10:09I'll go easier this time.
10:11This kiss was longer,
10:12gentler.
10:13By the end,
10:14he started losing control.
10:15The kiss went deeper.
10:18Roman.
10:19Clara.
10:20The heat from his palms was burning through me.
10:23Roman suddenly buried his face in the side of my neck.
10:26Something inside him broke,
10:27then went quiet,
10:28but not for long.
10:29It was already building again.
10:31His face looked strange.
10:32The air smelled different.
10:34I didn't recognize it.
10:36Roman,
10:37what happened?
10:37The cold,
10:38distant guy was gone.
10:39His eyes were dark with want.
10:41I'm going to take a shower.
10:43Get some sleep.
10:44Before I could say anything,
10:45he was already in the bathroom.
10:47I already missed what he was doing inside.
10:49Roman was tall,
10:50worked out a lot.
10:52We had muscle everywhere.
10:53High nose,
10:54sharp jaw,
10:55long fingers,
10:56strong knuckles.
10:57He didn't look like the type of guy who'd,
10:59um,
11:00finish that fast.
11:01So I wasn't imagining it.
11:02He really did lick me.
11:04Then my fingers brushed against something underneath the pillow.
11:06A pearl earring.
11:08I knew that earring.
11:09It was one of a pair I wore all the time.
11:11I'd lost one of them at Bryce's dorm once.
11:13Searched everywhere.
11:14Never found it.
11:15Turned out Roman had picked it up.
11:17Then I remembered.
11:18It's that earring,
11:19which had been with him in my last life, too.
11:21I sat there for a second,
11:22then put it back under his pillow.
11:24The hairdryer cut off.
11:25Roman came out.
11:26It was weird.
11:27He looked kind of soft right now.
11:29I was about to call out to him
11:30when I heard voices outside the door.
11:32One of those voices was clearly Bryce's.
11:35Roman's face dropped, too,
11:36but he reacted faster than me.
11:38By the time Bryce pushed the door open,
11:40my clothes were stuffed in the closet.
11:41My shoes were shoved as far under the bed as they'd go.
11:44And Roman was just sliding into the bed.
11:46Only the nightlight was on.
11:48The room was dim.
11:49I was hidden under Roman's comforter.
11:51Just as the door opened,
11:52Roman flipped onto his side and completely enveloped me.
11:55Why are you in bed already?
11:56Got caught in the rain.
11:59My head hurts.
12:00The bed was twin-sized,
12:01and Roman was tall.
12:02He took up most of it.
12:04I was pressed all along his side.
12:05I could feel my breath ghosting over his ribs.
12:08His abs were locked tight.
12:09All right, then.
12:10Bryce didn't turn the light on.
12:11He sat down on the desk chair and started making calls.
12:15A few in a row.
12:16No one picked up.
12:20Roman,
12:21you think Clara's doing this on purpose?
12:24What?
12:26I just told Chloe I'm into her,
12:27and now she's got to pull this shit?
12:28News just said a girl jumped off the bridge tonight over some guy.
12:31I actually thought it was her, dude.
12:32I left Chloe standing there,
12:33floored it all the way over.
12:34But they said the body wasn't big enough.
12:36Been blowing up her phone all night.
12:37Nothing.
12:37Nobody's seen her.
12:40She's doing this on purpose.
12:42Trying to wreck my night.
12:43I think she's just going to stalk me for the rest of my life.
12:47Maybe not.
12:48Maybe not?
12:49Roman, you've watched her chase me for two years.
12:51You saw it all.
12:52You know, right?
12:53Who would ever want to be with a whale?
12:55You can't stand her either.
12:57Never once been nice to her.
12:58Those words still hurt me.
12:59In the absolute dark,
13:00Roman's large hand moved up
13:02and firmly clamped over my ear,
13:03blocking out Bryce's cruel words.
13:05I held back my tears and turned my head away.
13:08By accident, his fingers brushed my lips.
13:10Roman's whole body locked up.
13:11He let out a low breath through his teeth.
13:16You okay?
13:17Yeah.
13:17Leg cramp.
13:20Alright, get some rest.
13:21I'll leave you alone.
13:23Gonna use the bathroom and head out.
13:27The second he pushed open the bathroom door,
13:29it hit me.
13:29When I showered earlier,
13:30I'd rinsed out my socks.
13:32They were still hanging in bathroom.
13:33Sure enough,
13:34two minutes later,
13:35Bryce came out
13:35with a smug grin on his face.
13:37Roman,
13:38you sneaking girls into the dorm now?
13:40Damn, real hush-hush.
13:41Don't talk shit.
13:42Who's the lucky girl
13:43that finally got our untouchable Roman to there?
13:45Bryce!
13:45Okay, okay, I'm not going over.
13:47You got rubbers?
13:48I got extras.
13:49You want some?
13:50Under the covers,
13:51Roman patted my back,
13:52calming me.
13:52Don't make jokes like that about girls.
13:54You're serious?
13:55Yeah.
13:55If the light were a little brighter,
13:57Bryce would have seen how hard Roman was working
13:59to hold it together,
14:00because under the comforter,
14:01we were too close.
14:02Every breath I took brushed against his chest.
14:04I nervously reached out
14:05to grab the hem of his shirt.
14:06By accident,
14:07my knuckles brushed against his warm stomach.
14:09His breathing instantly hitched,
14:10his muscles locking tight.
14:12I panicked and tried to pull my hand back,
14:13but in the dark,
14:14his large hand caught mine,
14:15lacing our fingers together tightly.
14:18Alright,
14:19I'll get out of your hair.
14:20I'll stay somewhere else tonight.
14:21This guy who looked so above it all,
14:23so cold to girls,
14:23apparently not as monk-like as he played.
14:26If he was reading this right,
14:28Roman had a girl under that comforter.
14:30Player move.
14:30But Bryce didn't call him out.
14:32He and Roman got along fine.
14:33Bryce turned and left the dorm.
14:38Roman, wow,
14:38I was about to suffocate.
14:39The dim light hit the sharp lines of Roman's face.
14:42I just sat there and stared.
14:44People say candlelight makes a girl prettier.
14:46Turns out it works on guys, too.
14:47A good-looking guy in low light is even better.
14:52Clara.
14:56I'm not annoyed by you.
14:57I haven't been cold to you on purpose.
14:59Don't take what he said to heart.
15:02Get some sleep.
15:03What about you, Roman?
15:04Smoke.
15:05Then bed.
15:06Achoo!
15:09I made a sad face.
15:10I think I'm getting sick.
15:11My head hurts.
15:13Let go.
15:14I'll get you something.
15:15After I took the medicine,
15:17I still wouldn't let go of him.
15:19Roman, I'm cold.
15:20The comforter's not thick enough.
15:22Clara,
15:22Bryce is long gone.
15:23You don't need to keep doing this.
15:26What does this have to do with him?
15:28Roman laughed at himself.
15:30Why were you at the bridge tonight?
15:31That's when I got it.
15:32He thought calling him and coming back here
15:34was just my way of getting back at Bryce.
15:36Honestly, it made sense he'd think that.
15:38The past two years,
15:39the Mercers had been getting more aggressive.
15:41After their real daughter was found and brought home,
15:43they'd tried to send me back to my birth parents.
15:45In the end,
15:46since I still had marriage value,
15:48they grudgingly let me stay.
15:49So Bryce had been my one shot.
15:51My way out.
15:52We'd grown up together.
15:53There had to be something there.
15:54I told myself he'd save me.
15:56I put everything on Bryce.
15:58But from the outside,
15:58it just looked like a fat,
16:00delusional girl obsessed with him,
16:01especially to Roman.
16:03He was Bryce's roommate.
16:04How many times had he watched me
16:05chase Bryce like a lovesick idiot?
16:09Roman.
16:11Set an alarm.
16:11Leave early so no one sees you.
16:13This kind of thing isn't good for a girl's reputation.
16:16Over Thanksgiving break,
16:17I flew out to the town where my birth parents lived.
16:20Stayed there for a half year.
16:21By the time I left,
16:22the two trash human beings,
16:24my drug dealing parents,
16:25were in handcuffs.
16:26Federal charges.
16:27Hard prison time waiting for them.
16:29Trafficking.
16:30Drug distribution.
16:31Running a brothel.
16:31Thanks to the memory,
16:32I had hard evidence on all of it.
16:34I didn't need to wait.
16:35This time,
16:36I could be rid of them for good.
16:37Make them pay.
16:38When the plane took off,
16:40I let out the longest breath of my life.
16:42During that half year,
16:43I completely stopped the medication
16:45and went through a hellish fitness regimen
16:47to reclaim myself.
16:48I became myself again.
16:50For the first time,
16:50I felt free.
16:51I felt light.
16:52When the plane landed at airport,
16:54I called Roman first
16:55to let him know I was back.
16:56He didn't know
16:57what I'd actually gone there to do.
16:59He thought I'd gone off
17:00on an exchange program.
17:02I wanted him to be the first
17:03to see me as I am now.
17:04I'll come by tonight.
17:06You all settled in?
17:06Roman had moved into
17:07an off-campus apartment.
17:09He was already a senior,
17:10barely had to be on campus,
17:11and sharing a dorm with Bryce
17:13wasn't exactly working anymore.
17:14All settled.
17:15Want me to come pick you up?
17:17Sure.
17:18Clara.
17:18What?
17:19It's Briar's birthday today.
17:20He's having a thing.
17:21Wants me to come.
17:22With my girlfriend.
17:23I'd completely forgotten.
17:25Bryce's birthday was this weekend.
17:27Babe, do you want to come with me?
17:29I didn't answer right away.
17:31It wasn't that I didn't want
17:32to go public with us.
17:34It was that the Mercers
17:35were going to cut me off soon.
17:36When that happened,
17:37my real background
17:38was going to come out.
17:39All of it.
17:40I knew Roman wouldn't care.
17:42But I didn't want him
17:43getting dragged through the mud.
17:44Like last life.
17:46People had said
17:46he'd thrown his life away
17:47for a girl who wasn't worth it.
17:49Broke his family's heart.
17:51But like Roman had said that night,
17:53I started this,
17:54so I should see it through.
17:56You can't always have it both ways.
17:58Roman, do you want me there?
18:00Yeah.
18:01Then come get me.
18:02I'll go with you.
18:03I was smiling,
18:04actually smiling.
18:06Babe, look up.
18:07My heart stopped for a second.
18:09The airport noise dropped away.
18:11Through the crowd,
18:12I saw Roman.
18:13I dropped my suitcase
18:14and ran for him.
18:15He froze for a moment.
18:17Then he opened his arms for me.
18:18He didn't budge an inch,
18:19but his whole body went rigid.
18:21Roman, look!
18:22I finally lost it!
18:24I expected him to look amazed,
18:25to finally look at me
18:26like I was beautiful.
18:27But he didn't say a word
18:28about my new figure.
18:30Instead,
18:30he pulled me flush against him,
18:32holding me so tight
18:33it almost hurt.
18:34What kind of hell
18:35did you put yourself through?
18:37But I'm pretty now.
18:38You've always been pretty.
18:39He wasn't looking at my beauty.
18:41He was looking at my suffering.
18:43See?
18:44She caved tonight.
18:46Bryce didn't say anything,
18:48but the storm on his face
18:49was clearing.
18:50Bryce,
18:51can you make Clara leave?
18:53She chased you for so long.
18:55It makes me feel weird.
18:56Bryce looked at Chloe,
18:57and suddenly she was easier
18:58to look at than five minutes ago.
19:00His mood lifted out of nowhere.
19:01But my behavior the past months
19:03had pissed him off.
19:04Even if he was going
19:05to forgive me tonight,
19:06I needed a little punishment.
19:08Sure.
19:09Tell her to get the hell out.
19:11Hey, listen to me!
19:12You're missing the point!
19:13I said Clara was coming,
19:15not Big Clara!
19:16What does that mean?
19:17The door,
19:18only half shut,
19:19swung wide.
19:20Roman walked in,
19:21big strides.
19:22There was a kind of pressure to it
19:23nobody could place.
19:25The whole room went silent.
19:26Because every single person saw it.
19:29There was a stunningly beautiful girl
19:31walking in behind Roman.
19:33And that girl was me.
19:36Clara?
19:37You really Clara?
19:38Wow, you look gorgeous, girl!
19:41So this is what you look like
19:42after losing weight!
19:43Bryce didn't move,
19:44but the wine glass in his hand
19:46snapped clean in half.
19:47Blood!
19:48Bryce, you're bleeding!
19:51Get out.
19:52Bryce?
19:53I said get out!
19:54Are you deaf?!
19:55Chloe sat there, frozen,
19:56then burst into tears
19:58and ran out.
19:59The rest of the room
20:00cleared out fast.
20:02Blood dripped from Bryce's hand,
20:04one drop at a time.
20:05He didn't even feel it.
20:07Gone was the bulky,
20:08swollen girl
20:09everyone had mocked.
20:10After a long beat,
20:11his eyes shifted to Roman.
20:13Roman,
20:14you gonna explain?
20:16Explain what?
20:18Why Clara walked in here with you
20:19and she...
20:20You invited me to your birthday
20:22with my girlfriend.
20:23Forget already?
20:24Bryce looked like something in him
20:25had snapped.
20:26Roman!
20:27You fucking know Clara's mine!
20:29Yours how?
20:30Girlfriend?
20:30Fiance?
20:31Or because a girl liked you once
20:33that makes her your property?
20:34You knew Clara liked me
20:35and you still went after her?
20:37Bryce,
20:37he didn't go after me.
20:39I started it.
20:42I don't like you.
20:43Honestly,
20:44I haven't for a long time.
20:45Looking at him,
20:46I realized I was fine.
20:47Completely fine.
20:49Any girl with self-respect
20:50wouldn't keep loving a guy
20:51who never respected her.
20:52Wouldn't keep loving a guy
20:54who treated her like a backup plan.
20:55On his terms.
20:56On his clock.
20:58Maybe somewhere in those years
20:59we grew up together,
21:00there'd been something soft between us.
21:02But the day my real background came out,
21:04I gained weight.
21:05All that softness died on the spot.
21:08Clara,
21:10what did you just say?
21:11You almost killed yourself for me.
21:13And now you're saying
21:14you don't like me?
21:16I never planned to do that for you.
21:18That night at the bridge,
21:19I was just looking for an excuse
21:20to get Roman to come pick me up.
21:22After a long second,
21:23he stared at me.
21:24So,
21:25that night,
21:25in the dorm,
21:26in Roman's bed,
21:27that was you?
21:29Yeah.
21:30That was me.
21:32Bryce,
21:33just go have your relationship.
21:34I told you that day,
21:36I'll never come around again.
21:38That's still true.
21:39I didn't look at him again.
21:40Roman,
21:41let's go home.
21:42I want to see the new apartment.
21:44But Roman didn't move.
21:45Bryce,
21:47from now on,
21:48I don't want to hear anyone
21:49talking shit about my girlfriend.
21:51Roman,
21:51who the fuck do you think you are?
21:53If you don't know who I am,
21:55go ask your dad.
21:56Bryce went silent.
21:57His eyes slid from Roman's face to mine,
22:00slow.
22:01Clara,
22:02that little detail,
22:03that you're not actually a Mercer daughter.
22:05Roman doesn't know yet,
22:06does he?
22:06I thought I was ready
22:08for my background to come out,
22:09but when Bryce ripped it open
22:10in front of everyone,
22:11I wasn't.
22:12The hand Roman was holding
22:13went stiff,
22:14cold,
22:15cold sweat broke out
22:16across my palm.
22:17Bryce must have seen my face go pale.
22:18He smiled.
22:19Knew it.
22:20You're hiding it.
22:21If he knew what kind of family
22:22you really came from,
22:23Roman wouldn't touch you
22:24with a ten-foot pole,
22:25even if you threw yourself at him.
22:28Roman let go of my hand.
22:30Before Roman and I went fully public,
22:32I went over to the Mercer's
22:33and sat down with them
22:34for a whole afternoon.
22:36By the end,
22:36with a real Mercer daughter Sloan
22:38running interference,
22:39I got my freedom,
22:41signed every paper,
22:42walked away from my stake
22:43in the family trust.
22:44Just like that,
22:45the Mercers and I
22:46had no ties left.
22:47I picked this moment
22:48for a reason.
22:49I knew the Mercers.
22:50If they found out about Roman,
22:51they'd latch onto the Hawthorns
22:53like leeches.
22:54And I didn't want Roman
22:55or the Hawthorns
22:56dealing with that.
22:57When I left,
22:58Mrs. Mercer was not happy.
23:00Clara,
23:01we raised you for 16 years,
23:03spent millions on you,
23:05got nothing back.
23:06The Mercers did raise me
23:07like a princess for 16 years,
23:09right up until Sloan came home.
23:10Then yeah,
23:11a few rough years,
23:12but I was never starving,
23:13never hit.
23:14And Sloan,
23:14who used to look at me
23:15like garbage,
23:16had gone soft on me.
23:17It'd been Sloan back then,
23:19pushing for me to be sent back
23:20to my birth parents,
23:21to be pulled out of school.
23:22But this time,
23:23she'd spoken up for me.
23:24She'd helped me handle
23:25the last loose end,
23:27talked Mrs. Mercer out of dragging
23:28my real background
23:29into the open.
23:30The Clara walking out
23:31of that house was free.
23:32No one and nothing
23:34tying her down.
23:35I was good.
23:38Mrs. Mercer,
23:39I'll never forget
23:40that you raised me.
23:41Pretty words.
23:42You couldn't even hold on
23:43to Bryce,
23:43a boy you grew up with.
23:44What kind of future
23:44do you think you have?
23:46Forget it.
23:46Just go.
23:47I can't look at you.
23:48I didn't bother
23:49defending myself.
23:52Mom,
23:53I'll walk Clara out.
23:55Be quick.
23:56Dinner soon.
23:57Got it?
23:58We didn't stop
23:59until we were deep
24:00in the garden.
24:06Sloan,
24:08thank you.
24:10Clara,
24:11I'm sorry.
24:12Neither of us
24:13had to say everything.
24:14We both knew.
24:15Clara,
24:17this time be really,
24:18really happy.
24:19Okay?
24:20I will, Sloan.
24:22You too.
24:23That sorry
24:24was for the Clara
24:25who didn't make it out.
24:26What the Mercers gave me,
24:27one day,
24:28I'd pay back
24:29through Sloan.
24:30She'd lived 16 years of hell.
24:32I'd lived 16 years
24:33of her life.
24:34In Last Life,
24:35I'd hated her.
24:36Now,
24:36that ledger was closed.
24:38The day Roman took me
24:39to meet his parents,
24:40I was honestly nervous.
24:42Catherine Hawthorne
24:43had turned to her faith
24:44a few years ago.
24:45Went to Mass
24:46every week
24:47without fail.
24:50Don't stress.
24:51Mom's the warmest person
24:52you'll meet.
24:52Dad does whatever
24:53Mom says.
24:54Just don't be thrown
24:55by anything she says
24:56today, okay?
24:58Roman,
24:58can we do this
24:59another time?
24:59I'm scared.
25:00Babe,
25:01Mom's already outside
25:02waiting for us.
25:02Roman could tell
25:03I was freaking out.
25:04Kept trying to settle me,
25:05but the closer we got,
25:07the worse it got.
25:10Sure enough,
25:11Mrs. Hawthorne
25:12was already down
25:12the front steps,
25:13coming toward the car.
25:14I had to suck it up
25:15and follow Roman.
25:16Mom,
25:16this is Clara.
25:19Mrs. Hawthorne,
25:20it's so nice to meet you.
25:21I'm Clara.
25:22Her eyes kept going
25:23back to my face,
25:24even after we got
25:25into the living room,
25:26still staring.
25:27Then she straight up
25:28grabbed my hand
25:29and tried to pull me
25:30upstairs to the study.
25:33Don't be scared, honey.
25:34Just want to chat
25:35with you upstairs a minute.
25:36Roman,
25:38will you believe me?
25:39When we got to the car,
25:40I stopped him.
25:41About what?
25:41The way he'd looked
25:42just now,
25:43hitting Bryce.
25:44If this had been
25:45the old me,
25:45I would have been
25:46terrified.
25:46would have kept
25:47my distance.
25:48But standing here now,
25:49I just felt safe.
25:51All those years,
25:52I'd been trying
25:52to grab onto someone,
25:53anyone,
25:54to save me.
25:55It never worked.
25:56The people who used
25:57to spoil me as a kid
25:58had gone cold,
25:59not violent,
25:59just that arm's length,
26:01icy version of cruelty.
26:02For a teenage girl,
26:03that was enough
26:04to break her.
26:04The boy I'd grown up with,
26:06deep down,
26:06he'd always look down on me.
26:08I had no friends.
26:09All I had were classmates
26:10who mocked my looks.
26:11My birth parents
26:12were monsters
26:13who only saw dollar signs.
26:14Every night,
26:15I lived,
26:16terrified they were
26:17going to ship me back,
26:18that I'd never get out.
26:19I died,
26:20not knowing someone
26:20had been loving me,
26:21quietly,
26:22for years.
26:23But now,
26:23I never had to hit
26:24that breaking point,
26:25never had to do
26:26something stupid
26:26to try to hold on to Bryce.
26:28Bryce and me,
26:29nothing ever happened.
26:32Babe.
26:33By the time he pulled back,
26:34my legs were weak.
26:35Roman.
26:36I held on to his waist
26:37to stay up.
26:38Clara,
26:39I don't care about any of that,
26:40but hearing you say it,
26:41I'm happy.
26:42Guys are selfish
26:43about that stuff.
26:44I know, Roman.
26:44I told you because
26:45I didn't want him dragging me
26:46through the mud,
26:46for you and for me.
26:48Roman,
26:49let's get home already.
26:50I'm freezing.
26:50He took my hand,
26:51held it tight,
26:52tighter,
26:53and he never let it go.
26:55I loved Bryce Crawford.
26:56since I was a kid,
26:57the day he confessed
26:58to the pretty transfer student.
27:00Everyone thought
27:00I would lose it,
27:01come crashing in,
27:02crying,
27:03begging him to stop.
27:04But I never showed,
27:05until six months later,
27:06Bryce's birthday.
27:07His untouchable roommate,
27:08the heir Cassian Sterling,
27:10was caught making out
27:10with a hot girl
27:11in the stairwell.
27:12Everyone stared,
27:13stunned,
27:14because they found
27:14that gorgeous girl was me,
27:16the fatty they used to called
27:17Big Clara.
27:18Bryce was going to confess
27:19to the pretty transfer student.
27:21He'd given everyone
27:21a heads up,
27:22made them all keep it from me,
27:23but he didn't know.
27:24Someone with a big mouth
27:25had already told me,
27:26everyone knew
27:27I was crazy
27:27about Bryce Crawford.
27:29Marrying him
27:29has always been my dream.
27:31This time,
27:31Bryce had fallen hard
27:32for the new girl.
27:33Seriously.
27:34So they thought
27:34I'd probably cry,
27:35scream,
27:36throw a fit.
27:37That kind of messy,
27:37pathetic drama
27:38everyone wants to watch.
27:39They were all waiting
27:40for me to lose it.
27:41Storm in
27:42to blow the whole thing up.
27:43Too bad.
27:43Right up until Bryce
27:44successfully finished
27:45his confession,
27:46I still hadn't shown.
27:47The bustling crowd
27:48started losing interest.
27:49Even Bryce's face
27:50didn't have much joy in it.
27:51Not a single call,
27:52not a single text.
27:53Drinks on me tonight.
27:54Everyone's invited.
27:55The students cheered.
27:56Now I stepped out.
27:57The second he saw
27:58my swollen face,
27:59the corner of his mouth
28:00twitched in disgust.
28:01I ignored the crowd
28:02waiting for a show,
28:03walked straight up to Bryce.
28:04It's Clara.
28:04Big Clara's here.
28:05Told you.
28:06No way Clara could stay away.
28:08Clara,
28:09you can't force my feelings.
28:10This you,
28:10not my type.
28:11Yeah, absolutely no.
28:12But we've known each other
28:13our whole lives.
28:14I don't want to say anything ugly
28:14and ruin what we had.
28:16From now on,
28:16I'll still treat you
28:17like my little sister.
28:18If you need anything,
28:19you can still come to me.
28:21Everyone's watching.
28:22Don't make a scene.
28:22Just go home.
28:24Bryce.
28:25Clara,
28:26be good.
28:30I just came to give this back.
28:32Clara,
28:32what are you trying to pull now?
28:33Look at your wrist.
28:34You can barely even fit
28:35into that thing anymore.
28:36Take the bracelet back.
28:37I won't come around anymore.
28:39This means nothing to me.
28:40If you don't want it,
28:40throw it out.
28:41I didn't look at him again.
28:42Turned and walked away.
28:43All the gifts I gave you before,
28:44just throw them out too.
28:45Come on,
28:46Clara's just saving her pride.
28:47She's putting on a front.
28:48Bryce stood there
28:48until I was completely gone from sight.
28:50She's gotten so fat.
28:51Who else would even want
28:52to be friends with her besides you?
28:53Bryce, you'll see.
28:54Before the night's over,
28:55she'll regret it.
28:57Bet you 20 bucks.
28:59As soon as we leave,
29:00she'll be back here crying,
29:02digging through that trash can.
29:04Let her.
29:04If it weren't for our families,
29:06I wouldn't waste five minutes on her.
29:08All right, all right.
29:08Don't let her ruin tonight.
29:09We're supposed to be celebrating.
29:10Bryce glanced at his gorgeous
29:11new girlfriend.
29:12He tossed my annoying face
29:13out of his head.
29:14He thought I would act
29:15as if nothing had happened tomorrow,
29:16waiting for him at his dorm building,
29:18pestering him to go to class together.
29:20He'd seen this play out
29:21too many times over the years.
29:23By the time I got to the bridge,
29:25the rain was coming down.
29:26I stood there under my umbrella,
29:29thinking about my last life.
29:31After I found out I was adopted
29:32and my parents never loved me,
29:34depression and the medication
29:36left me bloated and heavy.
29:37I become the school's biggest joke.
29:39The fat, ugly, big Clara.
29:41Bryce was the only one who treated me well.
29:43I couldn't help falling for him.
29:45So I lost it.
29:46The night Bryce confessed to Chloe,
29:48cried, screamed,
29:49tried to force him to break up with her.
29:51In the end,
29:52I jumped off this bridge that night.
29:54And what happened?
29:55Nearly died.
29:56Bryce stayed at the hospital for five minutes,
29:58then walked out without mercy.
29:59The Mercers,
30:01the family that adopted me,
30:02were humiliated by the suicide attempt.
30:05And since Bryce had made his position clear,
30:07I had no use to them anymore.
30:08They sent me back to my birth parents,
30:10a pair of drunks,
30:11who dealt drugs,
30:12ran a brothel,
30:13the worst kind of people.
30:15After that,
30:16my life just spiraled.
30:17I died alone
30:18in some foreign country.
30:20After I died,
30:21the one who buried me
30:22was him.
30:23The one I'd always been afraid of.
30:25The one I'd kept at a distance.
30:27And Bryce?
30:27He was a newlywed by then,
30:29riding high.
30:30He never showed up.
30:31Not once.
30:32If I hadn't already lived this once,
30:34I'd be blowing up Bryce's phone right now.
30:36I would threaten to kill myself
30:37and about to jump.
30:39But now,
30:39I have a chance.
30:41A chance to change my terrible future.
30:43The third time I dialed the number,
30:45he finally picked up.
30:48Roman Hawthorne.
30:49The name rolled on my tongue a few times.
30:51Then I finally saved.
30:52The rain was coming down so hard,
30:54shutting out the rest of the world.
30:56Only Roman's voice came through.
30:58Clara?
30:59Roman, it's really coming down.
31:00I'm stuck by the bridge.
31:02Can you come get me?
31:04The line went quiet for a few seconds.
31:06I squeezed the umbrella handle,
31:08palm slick with sweat.
31:10Last time,
31:10a day,
31:11Roman buried me.
31:12He cried.
31:13Even in the memory,
31:13I could feel how hot they were.
31:15After the funeral,
31:16he gripped a pearl earring.
31:18Silent.
31:18He stayed alone the rest of his life.
31:20I couldn't help it.
31:21A small sob slipped out.
31:23Why are you crying?
31:25Same cold,
31:25distant tone as always.
31:27Almost annoyed.
31:28I didn't say I wouldn't come.
31:30Then when are you coming?
31:32Wait me.
31:3320 minutes.
31:33Okay, I'll wait for you, Roman.
31:36He didn't say anything else.
31:37The line went dead.
31:3815 minutes later,
31:39I gave my umbrella to a mom and kid trying to take cover.
31:42So by the time Roman got there,
31:44I was soaked through.
31:45My clothes clung to my bulky frame,
31:47exposing every flaw I desperately wanted to hide.
31:50Roman.
31:51I opened the passenger door,
31:52keeping my head down,
31:53trying to take up as little space as possible.
31:55He didn't say a single word,
31:57just cranked the car's heater up.
31:59Thank you.
32:00Clara,
32:01you might as well just be done with it.
32:03Die of stupidity.
32:04Then he grabbed a cashmere blanket from the back
32:06and tossed it over me.
32:07Dry off.
32:08Don't get my leather dirty.
32:11Okay.
32:11He focused on driving.
32:13I couldn't help stealing a glance at him.
32:15When he wasn't smiling,
32:16he always looked unreachable,
32:17cold.
32:18Tons of girls at school liked him,
32:19but none of them dared to confess.
32:21He and Bryce were roommates.
32:23I'd been to Bryce's dorm a lot.
32:24Every time I went,
32:25Roman acted like he hated me,
32:27even now.
32:28He came to get me,
32:29but the attitude was still freezing.
32:30There was nothing about him
32:31that said he'd been quietly in love with me
32:33the whole time.
32:34I dropped my eyes.
32:35Everything from the memory had really happened,
32:37but I still couldn't believe
32:38anyone could love someone like me.
32:40Would Roman love me?
32:41Was it all just a misunderstanding?
32:43Or was I just fooling myself?
32:45Back to your dorm.
32:46My heart skipped.
32:47Before I could stop myself,
32:48I said it.
32:49Back to yours.
32:51Roman's hands tightened on the wheel.
32:54Bryce isn't coming back tonight.
32:56I know.
32:58I'm not looking for him.
33:00The car suddenly braked hard at the curb.
33:03The cold in Roman's eyes made my chest tighten.
33:06Clara,
33:07don't fucking use me as part of whatever game you two are playing.
33:10I'm not.
33:14I'll call you an Uber.
33:15You go back yourself.
33:17Roman.
33:18I grabbed his phone out of his hand.
33:20Clara.
33:21But there was no anger in his eyes.
33:23No disgust at me.
33:24Just something dark and deep.
33:26Suddenly,
33:27I felt a sadness I couldn't quite put into words.
33:29Roman,
33:30I don't want to go back to my dorm.
33:31The other girls all laugh at me.
33:33And I'm afraid of going home.
33:35Can I just stay at your place tonight?
33:38I mean,
33:38if you really hate me,
33:39if you really don't want to see me,
33:40then forget it.
33:42Roman didn't say a single word,
33:43but he started the car again.
33:46It headed toward campus,
33:48stopped in front of his dorm building in the end.
33:50I followed Roman inside.
33:54Bathroom's that way.
33:56I showered.
33:57Threw the hoodie on.
33:58It was a men's hoodie,
33:59yet it fit me perfectly.
34:01My face burning with humiliation.
34:03Roman glanced at me once.
34:05Looked away.
34:06I thought he was disgusted by me.
34:08So I didn't notice his ears turning red.
34:10I walked past Bryce's bed
34:12and sat down on Roman's.
34:13The shampoo and body wash on me.
34:15All of it smelled like Roman.
34:17In that small room,
34:18the same scent.
34:21Going for a smoke.
34:22He stepped out onto the balcony.
34:24I looked around his room,
34:25curious,
34:26clean,
34:27neat.
34:27I was just about to check out
34:28what he kept on his desk.
34:30Then my phone buzzed.
34:31Bryce's name lit up the screen.
34:33I didn't pick up.
34:34It rang again right away,
34:35like he wasn't going to stop.
34:37I just switched the phone to silent,
34:38dropped it back in my bag.
34:41Roman?
34:43What is it?
34:44We held eye contact for two seconds
34:45before he looked away.
34:47Maybe I was imagining it,
34:48but his face looked a little flushed.
34:49I'm so sorry,
34:50but I got your sheets wet.
34:52How am I supposed to sleep tonight?
34:53He glanced at me,
34:54then at the wet spots on the sheets.
34:56He turned and grabbed a towel from me.
34:58Go dry your hair first.
34:59I'll change the sheets,
35:00then you can sleep.
35:01He went to the closet for clean ones.
35:02I thought about how red his ears had just gotten.
35:05My heart skipped a beat.
35:06By the time I came out with my hair dry,
35:08Roman had finished changing the sheets.
35:09Go to sleep.
35:11What about you?
35:12Roman picked up his book.
35:13Reading.
35:14Oh.
35:15Just about to open it when his phone rang.
35:20Bryce.
35:21What's up?
35:21My heart jumped.
35:22Yeah, I'm in the dorm.
35:23I held my breath without thinking.
35:24You're saying someone saw Clara at our building?
35:27I didn't wait for him to finish.
35:28I rushed over and instinctively reached for the phone,
35:30but accidentally I grabbed Roman's hand.
35:32It was burning hot.
35:33Sorry.
35:34But Roman grabbed my wrist instead suddenly.
35:37Too close.
35:37I could see the vein at the side of his neck tense up,
35:40pushing against the skin.
35:41His throat was working.
35:42His heart was hammering.
35:44Hello, Roman.
35:44Are you there?
35:45Maybe I was so nervous that I lost my head.
35:47Roman, tell him I'm not here.
35:48Please.
35:53Under my lips, his skin went hot, burning.
35:57I look at Roman.
35:58He looked down at me, behind his eyes.
36:00Something dark spread out, slow.
36:03Yeah, still here.
36:05I've been in the dorm the whole time.
36:06She's not here.
36:08Yeah, ask someone else.
36:09Roman hung up, tossed his phone aside,
36:11slid his long fingers around my waist through the hoodie,
36:14locked there, pulled me hard against his chest.
36:17I could feel it.
36:18Everything burning.
36:19My first instinct was to run, but Roman held me tighter.
36:22Clara.
36:23His breath was hot against my ear, my neck.
36:25He kissed me instead, right on the mouth.
36:28Stop tempting me.
36:29I don't want to touch you in a place like this.
36:31I shifted, tried to readjust our place.
36:35Roman.
36:36It felt like something was about to blow.
36:38Scary.
36:38In the gap between breaths, I finally got a word in.
36:41If you don't want to touch me, why do you keep kissing me?
36:45He closed the eyes, tried to get himself under control.
36:48Roman, my lips are swollen.
36:50Clara.
36:51But his hands at my waist loosened a little.
36:53His fingers were long and strong.
36:56Through the hoodie, they dug into me.
36:58It hurt, and it didn't.
36:59Roman.
37:01He caught my fingers instead.
37:02Clara.
37:03Stay still.
37:04I'll go easier this time.
37:06This kiss was longer, gentler.
37:08By the end, he started losing control.
37:10The kiss went deeper.
37:13Roman.
37:15Clara.
37:16The heat from his palms was burning through me.
37:18Roman suddenly buried his face in the side of my neck.
37:21Something inside him broke.
37:22Then went quiet.
37:23But not for long.
37:25It was already building again.
37:26His face looked strange.
37:28The air smelled different.
37:29I didn't recognize it.
37:31Roman, what happened?
37:32The cold, distant guy was gone.
37:34His eyes were dark with want.
37:36I'm going to take a shower.
37:38Get some sleep.
37:39Before I could say anything, he was already in the bathroom.
37:42I already missed what he was doing inside.
37:44Roman was tall.
37:46Worked out a lot.
37:47Leak muscle everywhere.
37:48High nose.
37:49Sharp jaw.
37:50Long fingers.
37:51Strong knuckles.
37:52He didn't look like the type of guy who'd, um, finish that fast.
37:56So I wasn't imagining it.
37:58He really did like me.
37:59Then my fingers brushed against something underneath the pillow.
38:02A pearl earring.
38:03I knew that earring.
38:04It was one of a pair I wore all the time.
38:06I'd lost one of them at Bryce's dorm once.
38:08Searched everywhere.
38:09Never found it.
38:10Turned out Roman had picked it up.
38:12Then I remembered.
38:13It's that earring, which had been with him in my last life, too.
38:16I sat there for a second, then put it back under his pillow.
38:19The hairdryer cut off.
38:21Roman came out.
38:21It was weird.
38:22He looked kind of soft right now.
38:24I was about to call out to him when I heard voices outside the door.
38:27One of those voices was clearly Bryce's.
38:30Roman's face dropped, too.
38:32But he reacted faster than me.
38:33By the time Bryce pushed the door open, my clothes were stuffed in the closet.
38:37My shoes were shoved as far under the bed as they'd go.
38:40And Roman was just sliding into the bed.
38:42Only the nightlight was on.
38:43The room was dim.
38:44I was hidden under Roman's comforter.
38:46Just as the door opened, Roman flipped onto his side and completely enveloped me.
38:50Why are you in bed already?
38:52I got caught in the rain.
38:54My head hurts.
38:55The bed was twin-sized, and Roman was tall.
38:58He took up most of it.
38:59I was pressed all along his side.
39:00I could feel my breath ghosting over his ribs.
39:03His abs were locked tight.
39:05All right, then.
39:05Bryce didn't turn the light on.
39:07He sat down on the desk chair and started making calls.
39:10A few in a row.
39:12No one picked up.
39:15Roman.
39:16You think Clara's doing this on purpose?
39:20What?
39:21I just told Chloe I'm into her, and now she's got to pull this shit?
39:24News just said a girl jumped off the bridge tonight over some guy.
39:26I actually thought it was her, dude.
39:27I left Chloe standing there, floored it all the way over.
39:29But they said the body wasn't big enough.
39:31Been blowing up her phone all night.
39:32Nothing.
39:33Nobody's seen her.
39:36She's doing this on purpose.
39:37Trying to wreck my night.
39:39I think she's just going to stalk me for the rest of my life.
39:42Maybe not.
39:44Maybe not?
39:44Roman, you've watched her chase me for two years.
39:46You saw it all.
39:47You know, right?
39:49Who would ever want to be with a whale?
39:51You can't stand her either.
39:52Never once been nice to her.
39:53Those words still hurt me.
39:55In the absolute dark, Roman's large hand moved up and firmly clamped over my ear,
39:59blocking out Bryce's cruel words.
40:01I held back my tears and turned my head away.
40:03By accident, his fingers brushed my lips.
40:05Roman's whole body locked up.
40:07He let out a low breath through his teeth.
40:11You okay?
40:12Yeah.
40:13Leg cramp.
40:15All right, get some rest.
40:16I'll leave you alone.
40:19Gonna use the bathroom and head out.
40:22The second he pushed open the bathroom door, it hit me.
40:25When I'd showered earlier, I'd rinsed out my socks.
40:27They were still hanging in bathroom.
40:28Sure enough, two minutes later, Bryce came out with a smug grin on his face.
40:33Roman, you sneaking girls into the dorm now?
40:35Damn, real hush-hush.
40:36Don't talk shit.
40:37Who's the lucky girl that finally got our untouchable Roman to there?
40:40Bryce!
40:41Okay, okay, I'm not going over.
40:42You got rubbers?
40:44I got extras.
40:44You want some?
40:45Under the covers, Roman patted my back, calming me.
40:48Don't make jokes like that about girls.
40:49You're serious?
40:50Yeah.
40:51If the light were a little brighter, Bryce would have seen how hard Roman was working to hold
40:54it together.
40:55Because under the comforter, we were too close.
40:57Every breath I took brushed against his chest.
40:59I nervously reached out to grab the hem of his shirt.
41:02By accident, my knuckles brushed against his warm stomach.
41:04His breathing instantly hitched, his muscles locking tight.
41:07I panicked and tried to pull my hand back out in the dark.
41:09His large hand caught mine, lacing our fingers together tightly.
41:13All right.
41:14I'll get out of your hair.
41:15I'll stay somewhere else tonight.
41:16This guy who looked so above it all, so cold to girls, apparently not as monk-like as
41:20he played.
41:21If he was reading this right, Roman had a girl under that comforter.
41:25Play or move.
41:25But Bryce didn't call him out.
41:27He and Roman got along fine.
41:28Bryce turned and left the dorm.
41:33Roman, wow, I was about to suffocate.
41:35The dim light hit the sharp lines of Roman's face.
41:37I just sat there and stared.
41:39People say candlelight makes a girl prettier.
41:41Turns out it works on guys, too.
41:42A good-looking guy in low light is even better.
41:47Clara.
41:51I'm not annoyed by you.
41:52I haven't been cold to you on purpose.
41:54Don't take what he said to heart.
41:57Get some sleep.
41:58What about you, Roman?
41:59Smoke.
42:00Then bed.
42:01Achoo!
42:04I made a sad face.
42:06I think I'm getting sick.
42:07My head hurts.
42:09Let go.
42:09I'll get you something.
42:11After I took the medicine, I still wouldn't let go of him.
42:14Roman, I'm cold.
42:15The comfort's not thick enough.
42:17Clara.
42:17Bryce is long gone.
42:18You don't need to keep doing this.
42:21What does this have to do with him?
42:24Roman laughed at himself.
42:25Why were you at the bridge tonight?
42:27That's when I got it.
42:28He thought calling him and coming back here was just my way of getting back at Bryce.
42:31Honestly, it made sense he'd think that.
42:33The past two years, the Mercers had been getting more aggressive.
42:36After their real daughter was found and brought home, they'd tried to send me back to my birth
42:40parents.
42:41In the end, since I still had marriage value, they grudgingly let me stay.
42:44So Bryce had been my one shot, my way out.
42:47We'd grown up together.
42:48There had to be something there.
42:49I told myself he'd save me.
42:51I put everything on Bryce.
42:53But from the outside, it just looked like a fat, delusional girl obsessed with him,
42:57especially to Roman.
42:58He was Bryce's roommate.
42:59How many times had he watched me chase Bryce like a lovesick idiot?
43:04Roman.
43:06Set an alarm.
43:07Leave early so no one sees you.
43:08This kind of thing isn't good for a girl's reputation.
43:12Roman.
43:12He didn't stop.
43:13Didn't turn around.
43:15You kissed me how many times tonight?
43:17And that other thing just now?
43:19Roman stopped.
43:20You're not going to take any responsibility?
43:22I know you don't like me.
43:23No one could like the trash like me.
43:25Every time I came here, you ignored me.
43:27But tonight, thank you for coming to get me and letting me stay.
43:32Thanks again.
43:33I'm going now.
43:34I couldn't find my shoes.
43:35I didn't care.
43:36I passed him, head down, feeling hyper aware of my clumsy body and his clothes.
43:40Clara.
43:41I told you.
43:43I'm not annoyed by you.
43:44Then are you going to take responsibility?
43:46You kissed me.
43:47Held me.
43:48And you-
43:49Clara.
43:50Don't you ever call yourself trash again.
43:52You are a treasure.
43:54If you're going to start something with me, then go all the way.
43:59Of course.
44:01Over Thanksgiving break, I flew out to the town where my birth parents lived.
44:05Stayed there for a half year.
44:07By the time I left, the two trash human beings my drug-dealing parents were in handcuffs.
44:11Federal charges.
44:12Hard prison time waiting for them.
44:14Trafficking.
44:15Drug distribution.
44:16Running a brothel.
44:17Thanks to the memory, I had hard evidence on all of it.
44:20I didn't need to wait.
44:21This time, I could be rid of them for good.
44:23Make them pay.
44:24When the plane took off, I let out the longest breath of my life.
44:27During that half year, I completely stopped the medication and went through a hellish fitness
44:32regimen to reclaim myself.
44:33I became myself again.
44:35For the first time, I felt free.
44:37I felt light.
44:38When the plane landed at airport, I called Roman first to let him know I was back.
44:41He didn't know what I'd actually gone there to do.
44:44He thought I'd gone off on an exchange program.
44:47I wanted him to be the first to see me as I am now.
44:50I'll come by tonight.
44:51You all settled in?
44:52Roman had moved into an off-campus apartment.
44:54He was already a senior, barely had to be on campus, and sharing a dorm with Bryce wasn't
44:58exactly working anymore.
45:00All settled.
45:01Want me to come pick you up?
45:02Sure.
45:03Clara.
45:04What?
45:04It's Briar's birthday today.
45:06He's having a thing.
45:07Wants me to come.
45:07With my girlfriend.
45:08I'd completely forgotten.
45:10Bryce's birthday was this weekend.
45:12Babe, do you want to come with me?
45:14I didn't answer right away.
45:16It wasn't that I didn't want to go public with us.
45:19It was that the Mercers were going to cut me off soon.
45:21When that happened, my real background was going to come out.
45:24All of it.
45:25I knew Roman wouldn't care.
45:27But I didn't want him getting dragged through the mud.
45:30Like last life.
45:31People had said he'd thrown his life away for a girl who wasn't worth it.
45:35Broke his family's heart.
45:36But like Roman had said that night,
45:38I started this, so I should see it through.
45:41We can't always have it both ways.
45:44Roman, do you want me there?
45:46Yeah.
45:46Then come get me.
45:47I'll go with you.
45:49I was smiling.
45:49Actually smiling.
45:51Babe, look up.
45:53My heart stopped for a second.
45:54The airport noise dropped away.
45:57Through the crowd, I saw Roman.
45:59I dropped my suitcase and ran for him.
46:01He froze for a moment.
46:02Then he opened his arms for me.
46:03He didn't budge an inch, but his whole body went rigid.
46:06Roman, look!
46:08I finally lost it!
46:09I expected him to look amazed.
46:10To finally look at me like I was beautiful.
46:13But he didn't say a word about my new figure.
46:15Instead, he pulled me flush against him.
46:17Holding me so tight it almost hurt.
46:19What kind of hell did you put yourself through?
46:22But I'm pretty now.
46:23You've always been pretty.
46:25He wasn't looking at my beauty.
46:26He was looking at my suffering.
46:28Bryce's birthday dinner had its usual crowd.
46:31Chloe had gone all out tonight.
46:32She looked stunning.
46:33The two of them sitting together.
46:35Easy on the eyes.
46:36The other girls were piling on the compliments.
46:38And Chloe was eating it up.
46:42Bryce.
46:43Chloe had to say his name a few times before he came back.
46:46What?
46:47It's late.
46:48Everyone's hungry.
46:49Wait.
46:50We're not all here yet.
46:51Who's missing?
46:52Yeah, who?
46:53Roman's not here yet.
46:55Oh, wait.
46:56I just remembered.
46:57The big Clara's not here either.
46:59Is the whale even coming?
47:01It's Bryce's birthday.
47:02The fatty wouldn't miss a chance to embarrass herself.
47:05I didn't invite her.
47:06And if she shows, she's not getting in.
47:08Bryce, don't get worked up.
47:10It's your birthday.
47:11Don't let some random ruin your night, right?
47:15You're right.
47:16Chloe was beautiful.
47:17Truly.
47:18But then he remembered.
47:19I used to be pretty too.
47:20Before the meds turned me into a bloated mess.
47:23The past half year, I hadn't waited at his dorm building.
47:25Hadn't tagged along to class.
47:27Or to the dining hall.
47:28I'd just vanished out of his world.
47:30Bryce had to admit it.
47:31He wasn't used to it.
47:32He told himself it was just habit.
47:34He was missing a habit.
47:35That was all.
47:36He couldn't actually like Clara, especially not looking the way she did.
47:39And no way was he going to piss off the families over a fake heiress.
47:43But they'd known each other their whole lives.
47:46Bryce figured, tonight, if I couldn't take it and came back to him, he wouldn't even need me to grovel.
47:51A few red-eyed tears, and he'd let me back in.
47:53The door of the private room suddenly swung open.
47:58Guess who I just saw?
47:59Who?
48:00Stop teasing!
48:01Yeah, who?
48:01Don't tell me it's Big Carla.
48:03Actually, it's Clara.
48:04Actually, it's Clara, but she...
48:05Bryce told you.
48:06Clara can't stay away from you.
48:07See?
48:08She caved tonight.
48:10Bryce didn't say anything, but the storm on his face was clearing.
48:14Bryce, can you make Clara leave?
48:17She chased you for so long.
48:19It makes me feel weird.
48:20Bryce looked at Chloe, and suddenly she was easier to look at than five minutes ago.
48:24His mood lifted out of nowhere.
48:26But my behavior the past months had pissed him off.
48:28Even if he was going to forgive me tonight, I needed a little punishment.
48:33Sure.
48:33Tell her to get the hell out.
48:35Hey, listen to me!
48:37You're missing the point!
48:37I said Clara was coming, not Big Clara!
48:40What does that mean?
48:41The door, only half shut, swung wide.
48:44Roman walked in, big strides.
48:46There was a kind of pressure to it nobody could place.
48:49The whole room was silent.
48:50Because every single person saw it, there was a stunningly beautiful girl walking in behind Roman.
48:57And that girl was me.
49:00Clara?
49:01You really Clara?
49:03Wow, you look gorgeous, girl!
49:05So this is what you look like after losing weight.
49:07Bryce didn't move, but the wine glass in his hand snapped clean in half.
49:12Blood!
49:12Bryce, you're bleeding!
49:15Out.
49:16Bryce?
49:17I said get out!
49:19Are you deaf?
49:19Chloe sat there, frozen, then burst into tears and ran out.
49:23The rest of the room cleared out fast.
49:26Blood dripped from Bryce's hand, one drop at a time.
49:30He didn't even feel it.
49:31Gone was the bulky, swollen girl everyone had mocked.
49:34After a long beat, his eyes shifted to Roman.
49:37Roman, you gonna explain?
49:40Explain what?
49:42Why Clara walked in here with you and she-
49:44You invited me to your birthday.
49:46With my girlfriend.
49:48Forget already?
49:48Bryce looked like something in him had snapped.
49:50Roman!
49:51You fucking know Clara's mine!
49:53Yours how?
49:54Girlfriend?
49:55Fiancé?
49:55Or because a girl liked you once, that makes her your property?
49:58You knew Clara liked me, and you still went after her?
50:01Bryce, he didn't go after me.
50:03I started it.
50:06I don't like you.
50:08Honestly, I haven't for a long time.
50:09Looking at him, I realized I was fine.
50:12Completely fine.
50:13Any girl with self-respect wouldn't keep loving a guy who never respected her.
50:17Wouldn't keep loving a guy who treated her like a backup plan.
50:20On his terms.
50:21On his clock.
50:22Maybe somewhere in those years we grew up together, there'd been something soft between us.
50:26But the day my real background came out, I gained weight.
50:29All that softness died on the spot.
50:32Clara.
50:34What did you just say?
50:36You almost killed yourself for me.
50:38And now you're saying you don't like me?
50:40I never planned to do that for you.
50:43That night at the bridge, I was just looking for an excuse to get Roman to come pick me up.
50:46After a long second, he stared at me.
50:49So, that night, in the dorm, in Roman's bed, that was you?
50:54Yeah.
50:55That was me.
50:56Bryce, just go have your relationship.
50:59I told you that day, I'll never come around again.
51:02That's still true.
51:03I didn't look at him again.
51:05Roman, let's go home.
51:06I want to see the new apartment.
51:08But Roman didn't move.
51:10Bryce, from now on, I don't want to hear anyone talking shit about my girlfriend.
51:15Roman, who the fuck do you think you are?
51:18If you don't know who I am, go ask your dad.
51:20Bryce went silent.
51:22His eyes slid from Roman's face to mine, slow.
51:25Clara.
51:26That little detail.
51:27That you're not actually a Mercer daughter.
51:29Roman doesn't know yet, does he?
51:31I thought I was ready for my background to come out.
51:33But when Bryce ripped it open in front of everyone, I wasn't.
51:36The hand Roman was holding went stiff, cold.
51:39Cold sweat broke out across my palm.
51:41Bryce must have seen my face go pale.
51:43He smiled.
51:43Knew it.
51:44You're hiding it.
51:45If he knew what kind of family you really came from, Roman wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.
51:50Even if you threw yourself at him.
51:52Roman let go of my hand.
51:56Bryce.
51:59I used to think you were just a player, a piece of shit, but not actually evil.
52:06Now I see.
52:07You're also a coward.
52:09A waste.
52:09Bryce tried to swing back.
52:11Roman's fist landed on his face first.
52:13Hard.
52:13I'm not like you.
52:14I'm not in love with some Mercer daughter or some other family's daughter.
52:18I love Clara.
52:19That's it.
52:20Her name's Clara.
52:21I love Clara.
52:22Her name's whatever.
52:23I love whatever.
52:24That simple.
52:25But Clara isn't even clean.
52:27Roman didn't let him finish.
52:29I was scared Roman was going to kill him.
52:33Roman.
52:34Stop.
52:35You'll really hurt him.
52:36Roman's face was cold, but he stopped.
52:38He pulled out his phone, made a call so someone could clean this up.
52:41Then he pulled me against him.
52:42Babe, let's go home.
52:45Roman.
52:46Will you believe me?
52:47When we got to the car, I stopped him.
52:49About what?
52:50The way he'd looked just now.
52:52Hitting Bryce.
52:52If this had been the old me, I would have been terrified.
52:55Would have kept my distance.
52:56But standing here now, I just felt safe.
52:59All those years I'd been trying to grab onto someone, anyone, to save me, it never worked.
53:04The people who used to spoil me as a kid had gone cold, not violent, just that arm's length, icy
53:09version of cruelty.
53:10For a teenage girl, that was enough to break her.
53:13The boy I'd grown up with, deep down, he'd always look down on me.
53:16I had no friends.
53:17All I had were classmates who mocked my looks.
53:20My birth parents were monsters who only saw dollar signs.
53:23Every night, I lived terrified they were going to ship me back, that I'd never get out.
53:27I died not knowing someone had been loving me, quietly, for years.
53:31But now, I never had to hit that breaking point.
53:33Never had to do something stupid to try to hold on to Bryce.
53:36Bryce and me, nothing ever happened.
53:40Babe.
53:41By the time he pulled back, my legs were weak.
53:44Roman.
53:44I held onto his waist to stay up.
53:46Clara, I don't care about any of that, but hearing you say it, I'm happy.
53:50Guys are selfish about that stuff.
53:52I know, Roman.
53:53I told you because I didn't want him dragging me through the mud.
53:55For you, and for me.
53:57Roman, let's get home already.
53:58I'm freezing.
53:59He took my hand.
53:59Yeah.
54:00Held it tight, tighter, and he never let it go.
54:03Before Roman and I went fully public, I went over to the Mercers and sat down with them
54:08for a whole afternoon.
54:09By the end, with a real Mercer daughter Sloane running interference, I got my freedom.
54:14Signed every paper.
54:15Walked away from my stake in the family trust.
54:18Just like that.
54:18The Mercers and I had no ties left.
54:21I picked this moment for a reason.
54:22I knew the Mercers.
54:23If they found out about Roman, they'd latch onto the Hawthorns like leeches.
54:27And I didn't want Roman or the Hawthorns dealing with that.
54:30When I left, Mrs. Mercer was not happy.
54:33Clara, we raised you for 16 years.
54:36Spent millions on you.
54:38Got nothing back.
54:39The Mercers did raise me like a princess for 16 years.
54:42Right up until Sloane came home.
54:44Then yeah, a few rough years.
54:45But I was never starving.
54:46Never hit.
54:47And Sloane, who used to look at me like garbage, had gone soft on me.
54:50It'd been Sloane back then.
54:52Pushing for me to be sent back to my birth parents.
54:54To be pulled out of school.
54:55But this time, she'd spoken up for me.
54:57She'd helped me handle the last loose end.
55:00Talked Mrs. Mercer out of dragging my real background into the open.
55:03The Clara walking out of that house was free.
55:06No one and nothing tying her down.
55:08I was good.
55:11Mrs. Mercer, I'll never forget that you raised me.
55:14Pretty words.
55:15You couldn't even hold on to Bryce, a boy you grew up with.
55:17What kind of future do you think you have?
55:19Forget it.
55:20Just go.
55:20I can't look at you.
55:21I didn't bother defending myself.
55:25Mom, I'll walk Clara out.
55:28Be quick.
55:29Dinner soon.
55:31Got it.
55:32We didn't stop until we were deep in the garden.
55:41Sloane, thank you.
55:43Clara, I'm sorry.
55:45Neither of us had to say everything.
55:47We both knew.
55:49Clara, this time be really, really happy.
55:52Okay?
55:54I will, Sloan.
55:55You too.
55:57That sorry was for the Clara who didn't make it out.
55:59What the Mercers gave me, one day, I'd pay back.
56:02Through Sloan.
56:03She'd lived 16 years of hell.
56:05I'd lived 16 years of her life.
56:07In Last Life, I'd hated her.
56:09Now, that ledger was closed.
56:12The day Roman took me to meet his parents, I was honestly nervous.
56:16Catherine Hawthorne had turned to her faith a few years ago.
56:19Went to Mass every week without fail.
56:23Don't stress.
56:24Mom's the warmest person you'll meet.
56:26Dad does whatever Mom says.
56:27Just don't be thrown by anything she says today, okay?
56:31Roman, can we do this another time?
56:33I'm scared.
56:33Babe, Mom's already outside waiting for us.
56:36Roman could tell I was freaking out.
56:37Kept trying to settle me.
56:39But the closer we got, the worse it got.
56:43Sure enough, Mrs. Hawthorne was already down the front steps, coming toward the car.
56:48I had to suck it up and follow Roman.
56:49Mom, this is Clara.
56:52Mrs. Hawthorne, it's so nice to meet you.
56:54I'm Clara.
56:55Her eyes kept going back to my face, even after we got into the living room, still staring.
57:01Then she straight up grabbed my hand and tried to pull me upstairs to the study.
57:06Don't be scared, honey.
57:07Just want to chat with you upstairs a minute.
57:11You don't be nervous either.
57:12I'm not going to eat your girl.
57:15Mrs. Hawthorne.
57:16She was in such a good mood.
57:18Wouldn't let go of my hand.
57:20Look at her, honey.
57:22Pretty and sweet.
57:23Mr. Hawthorne was the picture of a gentleman.
57:24She is.
57:25Soft-spoken.
57:26Pretty and sweet.
57:27Refined.
57:28Anyone can see she's a good girl.
57:30I was completely lost.
57:33Clara, honey, can I be honest with you?
57:36This circle we live in, people only look at backgrounds and perfect appearances.
57:39But Roman has told me I used to have a very hard time.
57:41He told me how brave you are, how kind you are.
57:43I started to think my son was just a block of ice, that he'd never love anyone.
57:47And then he calls, tells me about a girl who finally smiled at him.
57:51Clara, sweetheart, we don't care about your family name and we don't care about your past.
57:54As long as you don't mind putting up with my boring son.
57:57Just please.
57:58Mom.
57:58What?
57:59I'm being honest with the girl.
58:00And let this family protect you.
58:05You're making her cry.
58:11For years, I'd lived in homes where I was the leverage, the bargaining chip, the replacement.
58:17And here was a woman holding both my hands, like I was the prize she'd been praying for.
58:21What had I ever done to deserve Roman?
58:23To deserve a family like this?
58:25Every regret from my last life, gone.
58:28To deserve a family like this?
58:30To deserve a family like this?
58:32To deserve a family like this?
58:32To deserve a family like this?
58:32Gracias.