00:01Nice tits, bitch.
00:08Thanksgiving break!
00:09Get wasted.
00:10Johnny, you're the backup quarterback for the Triton.
00:13That's just because I broke my leg last season.
00:14Weapon of mass destruction.
00:16Go ahead.
00:16Nice, right?
00:17I got a muscle you can touch.
00:20Don't go running too far off.
00:22I'm just a lonely old hag.
00:23We should go around and say what we're thankful for.
00:26I'm thankful that your mom has the juiciest poon in town.
00:28What's poon?
00:30I think we're going to be spending time with all of you guys.
00:32I'm going to have sex.
00:33It's not going to be just me by myself.
00:36What?
00:39Oh, fuck. I'm pissed.
00:43Hey, you done, baby?
00:44I sure did.
00:46I want a fucking divorce.
00:48Hi, baby. Are you on your way yet?
00:50I'll be home in a couple hours.
00:51Aw, damn.
00:53Let's party here tonight.
00:54Crawlberg.
00:55Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:56Back in the 1500s, an old Indian by the name of Feather Cloud,
00:59who some people thought had black magic powers,
01:02was dishonored by a pilgrim.
01:03The pilgrim's name was Chuck Langston.
01:05He vowed he would curse all white men.
01:07Feather Cloud necromanced a turkey.
01:10Roamed the earth every 505 years,
01:13killing the first humans he made contact with.
01:17Killer turkey?
01:19Turkeyologist.
01:19Brother.
01:20No, it is.
01:21Thanks, killing.
01:22Action!
01:23Dog had an accident.
01:25Accidentally, cut him, get it?
01:26Accident.
01:28I decided to camp out for the night.
01:31There's no such thing as an-
01:33Evil turkey?
01:33I lied.
01:34Ha!
01:35Shut the fuck up, you stupid bitch!
01:37I'm gonna drink your blood like cranberry sauce!
01:39There is an evil turkey on the loose.
01:41You're like, almost as dumb as I am.
01:43What's some turkey drappin's doing on your chest?
01:45Leave this cursed place now.
01:47Now, I'll take care of that goddamn turkey.
01:51I guess I was just a little beaked out.
01:54Ass, gas, or grass?
01:55Guess I'll take ass.
01:59Bye, guys.
02:00It's like our legs are harder to shut than the JonBenet Ramsey case.
02:03Ever since I got put as second string quarterback, he hasn't even wanted to talk to me.
02:07I did it! I'm the starting quarterback!
02:09I knew you could do it. You're the best son anyone could ask for.
02:13Holy crap!
02:14Dad!
02:19Let's do it right here.
02:20You killed my parents.
02:21Pink Pumpkin Pie.
02:25You just got stuffed!
02:29She's dead. I found this in there, too.
02:31And this. Gravy-flavored condom.
02:33That cock-blocking turkey.
02:35My dad has a huge collection of books. I'm sure he has something on killer turkeys.
02:38Hey! I got a good dress!
02:41Hello! Those darn kids.
02:43Hello there, little buddy.
02:45Kelsey?
02:45You mean Kristen? Never know that she had a mention for her buddy.
02:48You wanna come in and wait on her?
02:49Fuckin' weather.
02:50You just say fuck it.
02:51What an odd little duck.
02:52That does it!
02:55Oh, hello, sweetie.
02:56Daddy! You look different.
02:58Oh, you got a haircut.
03:00Yeah!
03:00We need to use your collection of books.
03:03The turkey can be killed if he is removed from his magical talisman.
03:07Under his feathers.
03:07I hate books.
03:09What you got, though?
03:09Oh, just tidying up.
03:10My turkey!
03:11You kids are retarded.
03:12Daddy, no!
03:13Prepare to be dead.
03:14Get in.
03:15I haven't figured out the equation yet!
03:19We need to burn him at the stake.
03:21Just like a witch.
03:22It's likely he's returned to his teepee.
03:23Let's go blitz his ass.
03:28Gobble gobble, motherfucker!
03:30Pull over, there's Billy!
03:31No!
03:33Oh, yeah.
03:34There's the teepee, guys.
03:36I'm gonna fucking kill you!
03:38Assholes, I'm invincible!
03:39Ah, shit!
03:40You ain't got something you don't got, turkey!
03:42A vagina?
03:43Fuck no!
03:44I've gotta find the fucking prayer.
03:46Aslasi Mekar!
03:47He's lost all of his invincibility powers.
03:50So long, suckers!
03:51Ah!
03:52Asshole!
03:52Oh, fuck!
03:55Where did that turkey go?
03:56I killed that son of a bitch.
03:57Yup, he's dead.
03:58Nice shot, Hermit.
03:59What do you say we go back to Kristen's and watch the movies?
04:01Hell yeah.
04:06I'm gonna go pee now.
04:09You're done, bitch!
04:10Just die already!
04:21Kristen, he's-
04:25I almost come back for seconds!
04:28We've gotta get out of here!
04:31Roast in hell, asshole!
04:33Oh, fuck!
04:36Ow, my feathers are fucking melting!
04:39I'm not gonna make it.
04:40I love you.
04:42Peck on someone your own size.
04:46Birds!
04:47I'll kill you all!
04:53We give thanks for this food prepared by living hands.
04:56Do I smell a sequel?
04:58Ah!
05:07I'm gonna be the one doing the sexing!
05:10I'm approved.
05:11And don't wander off too far.
05:13There might be an evil turkey on the loose.
05:15It's totally impossible for a turkey to kill a human.
05:20Right?
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