- 13 minutes ago
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FunTranscript
00:00:06Oh
00:02:11So how's it going with the Lexus campaign?
00:02:14It goes.
00:02:16What do you have so far?
00:02:19Brace yourself for this one.
00:02:20A car that...
00:02:22Blank.
00:02:24That's all you have?
00:02:25You don't have any adjectives yet?
00:02:27I'm afraid not.
00:02:29Well, at least you've identified that it's a car.
00:02:31That's half the battle.
00:02:32You wouldn't want people thinking it's like a type of sausage or something.
00:02:35I have a master's degree.
00:02:36This shouldn't be so hard.
00:02:38Today's your lucky day.
00:02:40I'm about to bail you out.
00:02:41Here we go.
00:02:42Ready?
00:02:42Let me get a firm grip on this chair.
00:02:46All right, go.
00:02:48Lexus.
00:02:49I'm loving it.
00:02:50I'm not your finest.
00:02:53Okay, what about this?
00:02:54Lexus.
00:02:55Who says there's no cure for micro-penis?
00:02:58It would work better for an issue if you wear a handgun.
00:03:00You're a bit off-brand with that one.
00:03:03Okay, for real.
00:03:05Lexus.
00:03:06What else are you going to spend a hundred grand on?
00:03:08Cocaine?
00:03:10Maybe.
00:03:11Let's keep that one on the back burner.
00:03:15Apparently the market research shows that luxury car owners see the world as a chaotic
00:03:19hellhole that they need to be cocooned from.
00:03:21I'm thinking of exploiting that angle.
00:03:24Lexus.
00:03:26Like crawling back into your mother's womb.
00:03:29I'm really showing all of your sound.
00:03:30There's a guy driving a Lexus where the penis normally is.
00:03:34What are you doing after work?
00:03:36You want to hit a patio?
00:03:38No lucky guy tonight?
00:03:41No, just me.
00:03:42That's a change.
00:03:44Okay, let's leave early.
00:03:46As far as I'm concerned, we've certainly earned our salary today.
00:03:50And then some.
00:03:50Agreed.
00:03:52Lexus, you think it's Swedish, but it's really Japanese.
00:03:56Lexus, Henry Miller's most entertaining.
00:03:59No, no, no, no.
00:04:00Those two gentlemen send these drinks over with their compliments.
00:04:03Which ones?
00:04:04Don't you have enough already?
00:04:06I'm thinking about you.
00:04:07Do you ride over there?
00:04:09I don't think so.
00:04:10What do you think?
00:04:11I wouldn't.
00:04:13We don't want to be rude and reject their generosity.
00:04:16Tell them we say thank you, but that we're lesbians.
00:04:20That's harsh.
00:04:22To our summer.
00:04:26Cheers.
00:04:28You're not attempting the scholar's maid, huh?
00:04:31No.
00:04:32Because I am wise to that.
00:04:34Are you wise to the hero she must?
00:04:36Dr. Myers, no!
00:04:38You come here!
00:04:50Oh, that was at only 7 p.m.
00:04:54Whoa!
00:04:55Ow!
00:04:56My God!
00:04:59Body shot.
00:05:00Ow!
00:05:00That was my poop.
00:05:07I don't feel really sick.
00:05:10Oh, God.
00:05:14Oh, God.
00:05:16Oh, God.
00:05:20Oh, God.
00:05:26Oh, God.
00:05:28Cough, cough, cough, cough, cough.
00:06:23So, I was thinking we'll leave Friday afternoon and then we'll be back Monday
00:06:28noonish.
00:06:29You know I'm not really a cottage person.
00:06:31Oh, come on.
00:06:32You're in this park all the time.
00:06:33The cottage is this park times ten.
00:06:35You can go fishing and kites.
00:06:37You can go fishing here.
00:06:38You can't compare that dirty old pond to the lakes up north.
00:06:41It might be a dirty old pond, but it's my dirty old pond.
00:06:46Besides, why do you guys always have to bring your women?
00:06:48What happened to the society of men?
00:06:50You want us to descend into barbarism?
00:06:53What do you think about this?
00:06:56I don't know.
00:06:57It's nice, I guess.
00:06:59I found it when I was jogging in the park, just sitting there all by itself in the bushes.
00:07:04What do you think it means?
00:07:06You know my friends ask about you all the time?
00:07:09Do you not like them?
00:07:11I'd rather you didn't talk about me so much.
00:07:13Well, that's just because they thought that I was making you up.
00:07:17But I met them that one time.
00:07:19Yeah, yeah, that one time for about an hour and then you had to go.
00:07:22Well, places to kill, people to see.
00:07:27Okay, how about this?
00:07:30You go to the cottage with your friends and the next weekend we'll hold a barbecue.
00:07:36We can invite both of our friends.
00:07:40You know, you can be a little standoffish at times.
00:07:43I don't see what the problem is.
00:07:45One party just became two.
00:07:46I think that's a pretty good deal.
00:07:49You seriously don't want to go to the cottage?
00:07:50I seriously don't want to go to the cottage.
00:07:55But, um, I was thinking maybe we could go up to my apartment.
00:08:05Yeah?
00:08:06Okay.
00:08:25That was nice.
00:08:27What was that for?
00:08:28Watching it from behind, you deserved a lot more than just a kiss.
00:08:32I know how to flatter her, girl.
00:08:36Let's keep going.
00:08:38Whoever finishes first, gets to go on top.
00:08:53Hey.
00:08:57Britt.
00:08:57I didn't like that.
00:08:59I feel kind of nauseous.
00:09:00Well, you almost passed out twice.
00:09:02Well, no.
00:09:03One of the times I was just pretending.
00:09:05Oh, just so I could slow down?
00:09:07Great.
00:09:08I'll have a water, please.
00:09:11Can I have a chocolate milkshake with two pumps of syrup and extra cream?
00:09:15Do you want a Big Mac McFlurry gummy bear sandwich with that, too?
00:09:19You know what?
00:09:20You just do you.
00:09:21I'll do me.
00:09:21Well, you just worked out.
00:09:22You got to keep this tight for me.
00:09:23Come on, now.
00:09:25Please don't let your health regime in this beautiful moment.
00:09:28All right, all right.
00:09:28But I'm going to make you work it off later.
00:09:30How?
00:09:31We'll come up with that.
00:09:35Open up.
00:09:39Any more wine?
00:09:41In your paw.
00:09:43Too bad.
00:09:45So, are you happy with how everything went?
00:09:48The seller was thrilled.
00:09:49The buyer got a beautiful house at a great price.
00:09:52I get genius points from both parties, plus a very generous commission.
00:09:57Oh, that's Mike Thompson, the tender shark.
00:10:00Well, I don't know about the shark part.
00:10:03So, how are you going to treat yourself?
00:10:06Actually, I was thinking about treating us.
00:10:08Oh, really?
00:10:08I like the sound of that.
00:10:10Mm-hmm.
00:10:11The client I sold for was thrilled with my work, so he gave me his apartment in Sicily for a
00:10:17week.
00:10:18Huh?
00:10:18So, I was thinking, we'll eat pizza, drink wine, hang out on the beach.
00:10:24What do you think?
00:10:25I don't think I can get away from work.
00:10:27You're always bragging you can work from anywhere.
00:10:29And besides the flying, I...
00:10:31You'll sleep on the plane.
00:10:32One week.
00:10:33It'd be great.
00:10:35Don't get me wrong, it's a fabulous offer, but I...
00:10:38But you're a few.
00:10:39Even if it means you can knock off from work from a patio every day.
00:10:44Now, let me look at my calendar and think about it.
00:10:46What's there to think about?
00:10:47Free place to stay, Sicily, sun, us.
00:10:51Let me look into it.
00:10:55You know, I'm beginning to think you're not taking me seriously.
00:11:00Well, what are you doing Saturday?
00:11:02Can you drive me to pick up my new bike?
00:11:04Are you scared?
00:11:05I don't know, I just want to get there before the store closes.
00:11:07I was talking about the trip.
00:11:09Right.
00:11:10Sorry.
00:11:13Laurie, I'm crazy about you.
00:11:14Haven't I shown that?
00:11:15You have.
00:11:17If there's something about me or about us as a couple that's giving you pause, let's
00:11:22talk about it.
00:11:23I don't know where this is coming from.
00:11:25It's been on my mind for a while now.
00:11:28I'm very happy to be spending time with you.
00:11:31Have I ever given you a hard time?
00:11:34Have we ever even had a fight?
00:11:35No, but if we have a touch of conflict once in a while, is that such a crime?
00:11:40It's nothing we can solve with a little communication.
00:11:44You're right.
00:11:46It's my fault I shouldn't have brushed off your trip proposal.
00:11:52Maybe it is a bit early to be going on a big trip together.
00:11:55That's fine.
00:11:58Now you're giving me something.
00:12:00I care about you.
00:12:02I know.
00:12:07Listen.
00:12:08We'll bring up the trip in a week or so.
00:12:10If we can make it, great.
00:12:13If not, it's not the end of the world.
00:12:23You want another grape?
00:12:25Uh-huh.
00:12:26Oh, man.
00:12:27I think it's raining.
00:12:29Here.
00:12:31Here.
00:12:59ORGAN PLAYS
00:13:12The logistics must be a pain in the ass.
00:13:15Have you ever screamed out the wrong name while you're having sex?
00:13:17I only scream for the Dalai Lama.
00:13:19Stop!
00:13:19With logistics, I'm doing it, what can I say?
00:13:23Well, if none of them know about each other,
00:13:25what are you going to do if one of them asks if you're seeing other people?
00:13:27If none of them have asked six months in,
00:13:29what are the chances of them asking now?
00:13:32You're a little shit.
00:13:34Well, I guess if you can juggle them all for now, at least,
00:13:37then, you know, why not?
00:13:38Juggling's tricky, but what's harder is when one of them wants to spend time with me
00:13:42and I have to say no.
00:13:43That's not surprising.
00:13:44From everything you've told me, the feelings for you are genuine.
00:13:47I had to say no to Matt yesterday.
00:13:48Poor guy.
00:13:49I should have seen him.
00:13:50I wanted to go to the zoo.
00:13:52It was so cute.
00:13:53I felt terrible letting him down.
00:13:55Why'd you brush him off?
00:13:56Because I had to see Tom for his birthday,
00:13:58which was a reschedule from last week when I brushed Tom off to see James
00:14:00because he was some keynote speaker at an athletics convention.
00:14:05Can you take one of these guys off my hands?
00:14:08I go with James.
00:14:09He's pretty cute.
00:14:10The other day, we went to the Edward Hopper show at the museum.
00:14:14You should have heard the guy express his feelings about the paintings.
00:14:17You may think he's all muscles,
00:14:18but I'm telling you, the man is the soul of a poet.
00:14:21How am I supposed to let that go?
00:14:23Flori, maybe you should, you know, scale it back a bit.
00:14:28Look, I get it.
00:14:30After everything that's happened,
00:14:31things are amazing for you right now,
00:14:33but you're not thinking of anybody but yourself.
00:14:36Have you ever considered that maybe one of these guys have you in mind
00:14:38when they're thinking about their future?
00:14:40I wonder if guys have these dilemmas when they're dating multiple women.
00:14:43No, gender has nothing to do with it.
00:14:44It's about being direct and honest.
00:14:46We're in our 30s, you know.
00:14:48You can't...
00:14:48Hey, hey, hey, for the record,
00:14:50have you know I'm not 30 till next week.
00:14:54Which one of them are you going to go out with for your birthday then?
00:14:56I don't even want to think about that.
00:14:58Can we make it a girls' night?
00:15:00Are you considering any of these guys for the long term?
00:15:03I think so.
00:15:05It's hard to say.
00:15:07Well, like, which one is the best fit for you?
00:15:09They all have different qualities and specific things I like about them.
00:15:13It's hard to pick just one.
00:15:15And really, how practical is it to pick just one?
00:15:18I mean, look at the divorce rates.
00:15:20The numbers don't lie.
00:15:21I know this guy that's been dating two women.
00:15:24It's like a...
00:15:25They're a couple or like a threesome, I guess.
00:15:28They've been making it work for two years.
00:15:31Maybe you're the one that's going to break the mold for four.
00:15:34That could only work if we had multiple washrooms in the house.
00:15:38I mean, I am not sharing a washroom with Tom.
00:15:40Or Matt, for that matter.
00:15:42Oh, and then we'd have to live in like a Mormon-style compound.
00:15:46Or another option is you can maintain the status quo.
00:15:49Eventually, one of them's bound to drop you.
00:15:51Oh, because I'm so easily droppable?
00:15:53Okay, just humor me.
00:15:55What if one of them called you up today and said,
00:15:57I'm moving on.
00:16:00I like to think I'm pretty irresistible.
00:16:02Just answer the question.
00:16:05I guess I'd feel a bit hurt.
00:16:08Relieved, maybe?
00:16:09I don't know.
00:16:10I might actually feel kind of empty.
00:16:15Okay, don't you think that says something?
00:16:19You know, sometimes your utter lack of ambition shocks me.
00:16:26Let's go get ice cream.
00:16:28Come on.
00:16:29Okay.
00:16:50It's funny, I don't feel like I'm lying to these guys, but
00:16:58you're a different person with different people, right?
00:17:01So there's only a fraction of you that they actually see.
00:17:07And part of that's kind of nice.
00:17:09It's not a terrible thing to reinvent yourself.
00:17:14Get to be somewhere else for a little while.
00:17:16You know, it's also terrible not to be fully known.
00:17:23I don't think people want to know that kind of thing.
00:17:26It's too much.
00:17:28I don't know.
00:17:29Maybe they do.
00:17:29Maybe they do.
00:17:30Maybe they don't.
00:17:31I don't know.
00:17:32But like then, like then who are you, who are you living for, Flori?
00:17:39What are you doing?
00:17:42I always, I always really bought into that adage, you know, whatever doesn't kill you makes
00:17:48you stronger.
00:17:50I don't think that's true.
00:17:52I think there are.
00:17:53I don't think that's true either.
00:17:55See?
00:17:57It's a bunch of shit.
00:17:59There's some stuff that happens to you that takes a chunk and you just have to keep going.
00:18:07But you're not okay.
00:18:11And how do you, how do you go up to somebody who you want to have a relationship with
00:18:17and present yourself as this like amputated person with chunks missing from you and be
00:18:24like, here I am.
00:18:26Here's all the parts.
00:18:27Here's the parts that aren't there.
00:18:30Yeah, but don't you think these other people have chunks missing too?
00:18:35Not in the same way.
00:18:39And how do you, how do you explain yourself?
00:18:46I don't.
00:18:47You don't?
00:18:48See?
00:19:01When your ducks ever get thirsty?
00:19:06Probably not.
00:19:14No, if you weren't here right now, I would not have come into the park.
00:19:19A couple of nights ago, the sun was coming down so it wasn't like totally dark out yet.
00:19:24Yeah.
00:19:24I was walking just on the path by myself being like, oh, I should be like, get out of here.
00:19:28Yeah.
00:19:28This is not so good.
00:19:29And I hear in the bushes like, I'm like, what, is that a raccoon or something?
00:19:34And I go, and there's like a man full on jerking off.
00:19:38Oh my God, this park is...
00:19:40And then he like, looks up at me like, like I'm in...
00:19:44I'm like, I'm like, excuse me.
00:19:46Excuse me.
00:19:48So, yeah.
00:19:51Instinctively, I'm just like, sorry.
00:19:53I'm sorry to interrupt your private moment.
00:19:58So, do you want me to just like, you know, turn around and...
00:20:02I'm like, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
00:20:14what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
00:20:16what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
00:20:16what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
00:20:16what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what do, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
00:20:18what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what, what,
00:20:54ORGAN PLAYS
00:21:04Love is merely a madness, and I tell you deserves as well a dark house and whip as mad men
00:21:11do.
00:21:12And the reason why they're not so punished and cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers
00:21:17are in love too.
00:21:19But I profess curing it by counsel.
00:21:22Did you ever cure any self?
00:21:24Yes. One.
00:21:27And in this manner, he was to imagine me, his love, his mistress, and I set him every day to
00:21:33woo me,
00:21:34at which time would I, being but a moonish youth, grieve, be effeminate, changeable, longing and liking,
00:21:42proud, fantastical, full of tears, full of smiles, for every passion something, and for no passion, truly anything.
00:21:52Oh, I fill my lungs with water just to see that face of yours.
00:22:08Okay, listeners, I got a little note here saying it's Flory's birthday today, and her boyfriend sends her this song.
00:22:13Happy birthday, Flory, to make it a good one.
00:22:27is it but he gives me more self?
00:22:45Happy birthday, too.
00:22:45You said, cause I know better
00:22:54Happy birthday, young lady.
00:22:56I'm gonna get your life.
00:22:57Shit!
00:22:58Oh, whoa.
00:23:01The gentlemen were looking for you.
00:23:03I told them you weren't here as per your instructions.
00:23:07Lori, give me a break.
00:23:09I can't believe you're making me do your dirty work.
00:23:11Please.
00:23:12God, I've always been such a sucker for sunflowers.
00:23:15Aww.
00:23:18Look at this.
00:23:19Take us to the opera.
00:23:21These are box seats.
00:23:23You know the kind that you go in, you get your own coat hanger?
00:23:25Ooh, very fancy.
00:23:27And that must be Thompson?
00:23:29It is.
00:23:30That man has such wonderful taste.
00:23:32Go.
00:23:33What's in the box?
00:23:34Let's see.
00:23:36Look at this.
00:23:37What a sweetheart.
00:23:39Don't tell me those are homemade.
00:23:40Uh-huh.
00:23:41That is so good in the kitchen.
00:23:43You have no idea.
00:23:45What?
00:23:46Ah!
00:23:47One of those.
00:23:49Mmm.
00:23:50What's this?
00:23:56Oh, just a love letter from James.
00:23:59What?
00:24:00Listen to this.
00:24:03I want to lay you down like a diamond.
00:24:05Oh.
00:24:08And here.
00:24:09A woman without freckles is like the sky without stars.
00:24:13I didn't know you had freckles.
00:24:14On my back?
00:24:16Just...
00:24:16Flora, you've got to stop all this.
00:24:18What are you doing?
00:24:19I hate you in my eyes only.
00:24:22You're not giving any of these guys an honest chance.
00:24:25You want to fling around great, but come on.
00:24:28Don't be so dramatic.
00:24:30Look, this guy did all this baking.
00:24:32You don't think he has better things to do with his time?
00:24:34Instead, he's trying to make you happy.
00:24:35You can't even let him take you out for an hour on your birthday.
00:24:38Well, I can't go out with all of them on the same day, can I?
00:24:43This guy spent $600 for tickets to the opera.
00:24:46You've been dating for six months.
00:24:48It's not like he's trying to get into your pants.
00:24:50I could be going out with a guy like this.
00:24:52Don't tell me.
00:24:53You're jealous.
00:24:56You know what?
00:24:57I don't want to see you right now.
00:25:00My advice?
00:25:01Grow the fuck up and be honest with these guys.
00:25:03Don't be so sensitive, Henry.
00:25:05Oh, yeah.
00:25:06By the way, happy birthday.
00:25:08Take us to the baseball game.
00:25:11Good luck trying to find somebody to go with.
00:25:13Please, Henry, can we talk about this?
00:25:16No.
00:25:17I want to come.
00:25:22Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?
00:25:24I don't want to go to the baseball game with one of them.
00:25:29You are overreacting, you know that?
00:25:34I'll call you.
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