Actor Philippe and his married date Yvonne plan to neck in a darkened cinema, but he gets the wrong seat and mistakenly kisses lovely Monique, resulting in an absurd public scandal; Monique's fiancé is not amused.
#B&W #comedy #drama #family #musical #romance
#B&W #comedy #drama #family #musical #romance
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FunTranscript
00:00:00THE END
00:00:34The End
00:01:16Has the main feature started yet?
00:01:18No, sir. You're just in time.
00:01:19All right, Vaughan.
00:01:26Around the block, for the ninth time,
00:01:29it's a merry-go-round.
00:01:31You know that for the last six months,
00:01:33I haven't seen the beginning or the end of a picture.
00:01:36Every time when we come to the theater,
00:01:37the girl has already been torn from a lover's arms.
00:01:40When we go out, they haven't been reunited yet.
00:01:43I see nothing but unhappiness.
00:01:45Please, for once, let us stay until the happy ending.
00:01:49But, Philippe, you know how people swarm the lobby
00:01:51when the picture begins and ends?
00:01:54It isn't safe.
00:01:55Love is never safe.
00:01:56You must do things dangerously.
00:01:59But think of my position, my husband.
00:02:01I tell you what you're going to do.
00:02:03I'll think of your husband if you'll think of me.
00:02:05Huh?
00:02:12Well, has it started?
00:02:13Not yet, sir. You can still make it.
00:02:15Drive on.
00:02:22When we are not together, you do think of me, don't you?
00:02:25Philippe, you know I do.
00:02:27Well, now, when you think of me,
00:02:29then you think sometimes it might be,
00:02:31well, nice if we kiss that.
00:02:35Yes.
00:02:38You see, and when we are together,
00:02:40you lose your nerves.
00:02:42You're being cool, Philippe.
00:02:43A taxi's just not the place to kiss in.
00:02:47No?
00:02:48A lot of people would be surprised to know that.
00:02:56Well, what about it?
00:02:57Now you're too late.
00:02:58The picture's been on for three minutes.
00:03:00Good.
00:03:04How much?
00:03:0626 frames.
00:03:08Huh.
00:03:18Give me my ticket, and you wait until I'm seated.
00:03:24I'm not disturbing you, am I?
00:03:26What?
00:03:27Two.
00:03:30Seat 66 and 68.
00:03:33How much?
00:03:34Forty-five francs, this tax.
00:03:37Forty-five out of a hundred.
00:03:42Second seat, please.
00:03:58Ticket, please.
00:04:01This aisle, next usher.
00:04:04Yoo-hoo!
00:04:06There's a step there, sir.
00:04:07Oh, is there?
00:04:16I like that.
00:04:18Yeah, good.
00:04:20Isn't it?
00:04:24May I come up?
00:04:28Time in its flight, dear, is death to the flight, dear, of slow-spoken lovers like me.
00:04:43Just when we started, we find that we're parted by reasons appropriate.
00:04:54Here are you, dear.
00:04:59Let us dispense with conventions and gold.
00:05:06Very nice, Florio.
00:05:07Let us invent something more.
00:05:16Secret rendezvous
00:05:18A place to dream
00:05:21A dream or two
00:05:24Southern at the night
00:05:27Above
00:05:31Let me see your program, Willie
00:05:34Like Romeo
00:05:35Met Juliet
00:05:37I'll come to you
00:05:41Whisper a song of love
00:05:46I think this will turn out all right
00:05:49Oh, our hearts december
00:05:53We'll kiss
00:05:55And as we tremble
00:05:57The stars will all assemble
00:06:01A horror story of bliss
00:06:06You see how these Americans may go out any place
00:06:09And the balconies out of doors
00:06:11Will be the love I pledge to you
00:06:16In our secret rendezvous
00:06:29At last
00:06:31Now, come on now
00:06:34Why, you
00:06:35You, you, my best as a hug
00:06:37How dare you
00:06:38Mademoiselle, I, I thought
00:06:39I don't care what you thought
00:06:40It's what you did
00:06:41Down in front
00:06:42We can't see through you
00:06:58What's going on here?
00:06:59Did someone try to steal your bag?
00:07:01Not at all, madame
00:07:02That, that creature kissed me
00:07:04Oh, is that all?
00:07:06Fine, state of affairs
00:07:08It's all the fault of the government
00:07:10Of course it is
00:07:11When the government gets slack
00:07:13The public morals
00:07:14Get slacker
00:07:22Monsieur, et madame
00:07:24In this emergency
00:07:26Our society for the protection of public morals
00:07:29Of which I have the honor to be the president
00:07:32Will show its power
00:07:34Who are you, the censor?
00:07:37We censor the censors
00:07:39Yes
00:07:40Mademoiselle
00:07:41Don't you dare speak to me
00:07:43I assure you
00:07:44You are only making matters worse
00:07:45Oh, really
00:07:46You think it was I who kissed you
00:07:47Oh, did you?
00:07:48Oh, but of course
00:07:50You didn't
00:07:52Well, did you kiss her?
00:07:53Yes or no?
00:07:54What?
00:07:55Madame, in a way, perhaps
00:07:57You couldn't call it an
00:07:58Say no more
00:07:59It's only too clear
00:08:02You
00:08:03Why, you're a monster
00:08:05Mademoiselle
00:08:07You don't frighten me
00:08:08Well, you frighten me, all right
00:08:10You scare me to death
00:08:15Well, now, madame
00:08:16I have business to attend
00:08:18Oh, no, you don't
00:08:19Not without attacking me, too
00:08:22Well, in that case, madame
00:08:23I won't budge
00:08:25Now, here
00:08:26Oh, la police
00:08:27What's all this about?
00:08:28Ah, police
00:08:29There
00:08:30There
00:08:30You have the victim
00:08:32And this is the culprit?
00:08:34Yes
00:08:34What's she done?
00:08:39Just a minute
00:08:41One minute
00:08:42What did she say I did?
00:08:45Oh
00:08:47No, nothing of the sort
00:08:49She's making things up
00:08:51I merely kissed, mademoiselle
00:08:52That's all
00:08:53Is that what all this fuss is about?
00:08:54Yes
00:08:55Oh, so that's the way you guard the public morals, is it?
00:08:58You police
00:08:58I'll take your number
00:09:00Oh, but madame, this is absurd
00:09:01I scream naturally out of surprise
00:09:03But there's no need to carry on like this
00:09:05I demand this man be punished
00:09:07Yes
00:09:08Be quiet
00:09:09It wasn't you he kissed
00:09:10No, if I'd kissed her
00:09:12She wouldn't have said a word
00:09:15Well, all I can do is make out a report
00:09:17Now, what's your name?
00:09:18I am Horton
00:09:19Not you, you
00:09:21Philippe Martin, Savoy Theater
00:09:23Ah, an actor?
00:09:24Yes
00:09:25Ah
00:09:27And your name, mademoiselle?
00:09:29Monique Pellera, Avenue Du Bois
00:09:31Elia, the publisher of the Morning Journal
00:09:33He's my father
00:09:35Ladies
00:09:35I'm not interested in some maniac
00:09:38Bothering a girl at the cinema
00:09:39I'm not interested in your organization
00:09:40As a matter of fact, I'm not interested in you
00:09:42Monsieur Pellera, I am Horton
00:09:46What if the girl happened to be your daughter?
00:09:50Well, fortunately for me, such is not the case
00:09:54Your daughter, Monique, was the girl at the cinema
00:09:59What?
00:10:02Well, I assure you, Cecile, it was a scandal
00:10:04And you, a girl about to be married
00:10:05What do Count Alfredo think?
00:10:07Oh, you'll think whatever I want him to think
00:10:08And your father
00:10:09He'll blame me for it
00:10:11Because I'm supposed to be with you every minute
00:10:12And I wasn't
00:10:13Don't worry, my dear
00:10:14Father will never know a thing about it
00:10:17Ladies, the incident is closed
00:10:18That is far from being the opinion of the Minister of Justice
00:10:21The Minister of Justice?
00:10:23You mean to say you've been to the Minister of Justice?
00:10:25You mentioned my daughter's name?
00:10:26The Minister has the same information
00:10:28We gave to the papers
00:10:30Papers? What papers?
00:10:31All the papers
00:10:32Your good name, Monsieur Pellerin
00:10:34Will be defended in spite of you
00:10:36Just a moment, ladies, please
00:10:37Kindly leave the defending of my good name to me
00:10:39And restrict your activities to your own affairs
00:10:42Good day
00:10:42You are turning us out, Monsieur Pellerin?
00:10:45Bothering the Minister with a little thing like a kiss at the cinema
00:10:47Why didn't you go to the League of Nations?
00:10:49Ladies, let us leave
00:10:50Don't let me detain you
00:10:53Sir, I am Hortensele
00:10:54We are leaving
00:10:58I am Hortensele
00:11:00Such rot, such nonsense
00:11:02And you
00:11:03You, mademoiselle
00:11:05Would you make such a fuss about a little kiss?
00:11:08Oh, no, sir
00:11:12You, uh
00:11:14You wouldn't see that fellow's face, would you?
00:11:16Oh, no, sir
00:11:18Well
00:11:19It's a matter of temperament, that's all
00:11:22Is it my fault if a man wants to kiss him?
00:11:24Yes, it is
00:11:25Unless it's Alfredo
00:11:27You must think of him
00:11:29Oh, I am
00:11:33Oh, but no, no
00:11:35Have you no soul?
00:11:37Give me something more, uh
00:11:39More discreet
00:11:41Yes, my dear Count
00:11:42We have another here
00:11:44Ah, yes, here it is
00:11:46Now, there is something that any woman would like
00:11:49Yes, but I don't want something any woman would like
00:11:53Think of this lovely creature
00:11:56A, um, uh
00:11:57A lily in the field
00:11:58Ah, yes
00:11:59Ah, yes
00:12:27Miss Bath
00:12:28Alfredo, no matter what happens
00:12:31You're to remember to tell father that you were with me
00:12:34All right, adorable
00:12:35Ta-ta
00:12:42Darling
00:12:52Uh, Monique, uh, what did you do interesting today?
00:12:55Oh, I was with Alfredo, wasn't I, Alfredo?
00:13:00What?
00:13:00What?
00:13:01Oh, uh, uh, yes, yes
00:13:03Yes, we, uh
00:13:04We had lunch in the boire
00:13:05From there to the dressmakers
00:13:07And then to the Turkish bath
00:13:10Oh, no, now how silly of me to mention that
00:13:14Yes, quite
00:13:15Well, Monique, go on
00:13:17Well, then we went to the cinema.
00:13:21Yes, yes, I was there too.
00:13:24Well, well, tell me about it.
00:13:27Was it...
00:13:28Oh, most amusing. You should have been there.
00:13:30Yes, yes, evidently, I missed something all right.
00:13:37Oh, si, si, shh.
00:13:40Well, come on.
00:13:42Tell me about it. What's the mystery?
00:13:45A mystery? Oh, no, it was a musical, wasn't it?
00:13:49Yes, Father. You know, one of those stories
00:13:52where the father locks his daughter in her boudoir,
00:13:54and the lover comes along with his ladder, and...
00:13:56Oh, now, now, Monique, let me tell it.
00:13:58And you know, all the time,
00:14:00the father was down below in the bushes.
00:14:04I didn't see anyone in the bushes.
00:14:07Oh, yes, you did. Didn't you?
00:14:11Then the lover climbs up the balcony,
00:14:13takes the girl in his arms and sings that song.
00:14:16Now, how does it go, Alfredo?
00:14:18Ba-bam, ba-bam, ba-bam.
00:14:19That's it, that's it.
00:14:20Ba-bam, ba-bam, ba-bam, ba-bam, ba-bam.
00:14:22And then, ba-bam, ba-bam.
00:14:24Just then, the father comes running out of the bushes.
00:14:27Oh, yes.
00:14:27Knocks over the ladder,
00:14:28and leaves the two lovers hanging in mid-air.
00:14:41Oh, but, uh, you didn't come to the kiss yet, uh, Alfredo.
00:14:45Well, uh, of course it always ends with a kiss.
00:14:49It was just an accident.
00:14:51Oh, now, sweetheart, how can you say anything so lovely was just an accident?
00:14:56I said it was an accident?
00:14:59And you think the fellow meant to kiss Monique?
00:15:01Well, of course, it was a matter of, uh, to kiss Monique.
00:15:07Yes.
00:15:09Did someone kiss Monique?
00:15:12Yes.
00:15:15Now, just one minute, please.
00:15:17Monique, am I your fiancé or am I not?
00:15:21Well, if you don't know, I don't know.
00:15:24Yes, but nobody explains to me nothing.
00:15:27I demand to know if you were kissed.
00:15:30I was kissed.
00:15:32By whom?
00:15:33I challenge him.
00:15:34You'll sit down and behave.
00:15:38Give me Edward.
00:15:39Now, listen to me, Monique.
00:15:41If you do not tell to me everything at once,
00:15:43I tell your father that I was not even at the cinema with you.
00:15:48Quiet, quiet.
00:15:49If it were left to you, the story would be all over Paris.
00:15:52Hello, Edward.
00:15:53Kill that story.
00:15:54Not a paper in Paris will dare publish it if I say not to.
00:16:22Good morning, Alphonse.
00:16:32Happy birthday.
00:16:32Now, where's your class of bread, Dodo?
00:16:34Alphonse is hungry.
00:16:35Yes, and so is I.
00:16:37Never mind about Alphonse.
00:16:38What about the beautiful girl?
00:16:39You know, you sat next to her in the movie, and you kissed her, and she stopped your face.
00:16:43Oh, you apologized.
00:16:45She was still angry, still angry.
00:16:47And then, then, then the crazy woman came in, and she interfered.
00:16:50What did you say? What did you say?
00:16:51Listen, I've told you ten times already.
00:16:53Yes, but I want to improve your performance.
00:16:56Well, I said to her, I assure you, you are only making matters worse by, um...
00:17:02That was the wrong line.
00:17:03The line you should have used is Murray's line in the fourth act of the Winter Divorce.
00:17:07It says, fear not, fear, damsel.
00:17:09A kiss is but a polk, you say.
00:17:13Stop that, Toto. You're not prompting at the theater now.
00:17:16Listen, I've prompted 446 plays. I know them all by heart.
00:17:19But you never take advantage of my vast intelligence.
00:17:21But, but this actually happened to me. The police took my name.
00:17:25The police took your name?
00:17:26Yes.
00:17:27And you gave your real name, Philippe Martins?
00:17:29Oh, dear.
00:17:30A thousand beautiful women in Paris never knew my name was Toto.
00:17:34A thousand?
00:17:35You don't think so, do you?
00:17:36What did they call you?
00:17:37They called me, uh, Poo-Poo.
00:17:41Poo-Poo?
00:17:42What? Poo-Poo?
00:17:43I even had to give the address of the theater.
00:17:45You gave the address of the theater where we, where we play?
00:17:47Well, you gave the address.
00:17:48Oh, my, what a smart boy.
00:17:50What a brilliant mind.
00:17:52That silly clock doesn't know him up yet.
00:17:54Listen, I didn't set it for getting up.
00:17:55It's the time we are due at rehearsal.
00:17:57At rehearsal?
00:17:57Oh, we've got to go to rehearsal.
00:18:14What is it?
00:18:15There was someone here to see you three times.
00:18:18Oh, those bell collectors.
00:18:19No, no, no.
00:18:20This was a lady.
00:18:21Oh, uh, was she blonde or, uh, a brunette?
00:18:25I didn't see.
00:18:25She didn't get out of a taxi.
00:18:27Oh, well, thanks, just the same.
00:18:31She said she would be back in a minute.
00:18:33Yeah, I know.
00:18:35Oh, it was her again, eh?
00:18:38Who?
00:18:38Oh, oh, oh, you know me.
00:18:54So please let me.
00:19:02Me, me, me, me, me, me.
00:19:04Me, me, me, me, me, me, me.
00:19:05To raise me fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, fa, la, la.
00:19:21To please the ladies is my obsession.
00:19:26To make them love me is my profession.
00:19:32Because my manner is so beguiling.
00:19:37When I smile and wink my soulful eyes.
00:19:50And when they turned on the lights...
00:19:51Morning, girls.
00:19:52The love monster gave his name as Philippe Martin, actor, Savoy Theater.
00:19:56What?
00:19:57So that's the kind of a friend you'll guard.
00:20:03This is tragic.
00:20:05All right, let's get on with the rehearsal.
00:20:07All on stage for the love train number.
00:20:10A train dispatcher, where's the train dispatcher?
00:20:11Martin, where's Martin?
00:20:13Toto, where's Martin?
00:20:14Am I my roommate's keeper? No.
00:20:16You're late.
00:20:17Yes, but I got a very good excuse.
00:20:18Never mind the excuse.
00:20:20All right, I'll save it for the next time.
00:20:21Get down there where you belong.
00:20:27Well, we've got to have a train dispatcher.
00:20:29Here, you.
00:20:30You take it.
00:20:30Me?
00:20:32Do I ring it?
00:20:33Well, you don't blow it.
00:20:36soon.
00:20:37All aboard!
00:20:38All aboard!
00:20:42All aboard!
00:20:42The land of love!
00:20:45All aboard!
00:20:46All aboard!
00:20:49For the land of love!
00:20:50Well, well, well, Martin.
00:20:52Are you going or coming from the land of love?
00:20:57Where have you been?
00:20:58All right, girls, get back to your places.
00:21:00You can stare at him all you want to after the rehearsal.
00:21:04What's the matter with me?
00:21:05You're famous all over.
00:21:10Who's his favorite offer?
00:21:11Does he prefer blondes?
00:21:12Gentlemen, gentlemen.
00:21:13Now, there are thousands of martyrs living in Paris.
00:21:15Are you sure this one is working for me?
00:21:17Absolutely.
00:21:17He gave the address to this theater.
00:21:18He hasn't attacked him one around here yet, has he?
00:21:20He's sort of a place to...
00:21:21Has he, Denise?
00:21:22Not me, sir.
00:21:23It won't be long now.
00:21:25What?
00:21:26What?
00:21:26You mean you think he might...
00:21:27Any time, any place, anybody.
00:21:29Mr. Mayo, Mr. Mayo.
00:21:30Just a minute, please.
00:21:31All right.
00:21:32We'll try it again.
00:21:35All aboard for the land of clouds.
00:21:38Love.
00:21:39Love.
00:21:40Love.
00:21:42Love.
00:21:42Love.
00:21:43Love.
00:21:43Love.
00:21:44Love.
00:21:44Be quiet.
00:21:45Give me that bell.
00:21:47I'll show you now.
00:21:48Watch me.
00:21:49Like this.
00:21:51All aboard.
00:21:53All aboard.
00:21:54All aboard.
00:21:55All aboard.
00:21:56All aboard.
00:21:57All aboard.
00:21:58A lot of crazy talk about nothing.
00:22:01Will you stop reading your own publicity and get to work?
00:22:04Yes.
00:22:05Take a coat off.
00:22:08Keep it on.
00:22:10You're fired.
00:22:11You're fired.
00:22:11I can't have people like...
00:22:12Well, what are you?
00:22:13A fiend.
00:22:14A fiend?
00:22:15Well, I can't have any of you getting my theater into distribute.
00:22:17You're fired.
00:22:18But please, let me tell you my side of it.
00:22:21No.
00:22:22After all, a kiss.
00:22:23After all, a kiss.
00:22:25It's but a poetry thing.
00:22:27Man's mad.
00:22:28Call the police.
00:22:29Oh, I'm going.
00:22:30I'm going.
00:22:31You see, that was the wrong line, Toto.
00:22:35Goodbye, everybody.
00:22:36Goodbye.
00:22:39You can't take away my cast.
00:22:41You're fired.
00:22:42You're fired.
00:22:43You're fired.
00:22:44Oh, that's what I said.
00:22:46Get out.
00:22:47Well, it's an old line, but it's always good for nature.
00:22:58You?
00:22:59Philip?
00:23:00Oh, it's you.
00:23:02What do you want?
00:23:03I'm so upset about the whole thing.
00:23:05I can't eat.
00:23:06My husband is surely going to notice it.
00:23:08Yeah.
00:23:09This episode is also going to affect my appetite.
00:23:12I've been fired.
00:23:14Fired?
00:23:15Yes.
00:23:16Oh, but Philip, you will be brave about it.
00:23:19You won't give me away.
00:23:20No, of course not.
00:23:22What do you think?
00:23:23I beg your pardon?
00:23:24Are you Philip Martin?
00:23:25I have nothing to say.
00:23:28Perhaps not.
00:23:28Not here.
00:23:36Excuse me a minute, Yvonne.
00:23:38Philip, don't mention my...
00:23:43This is Mr. LeBlanc.
00:23:45Sheriff's Officer.
00:23:46Oh.
00:23:46What do you want?
00:23:47You.
00:23:48To appear for trial before the Court of Correction.
00:23:51On complaint to the Society for the Protection of Public Moral.
00:24:03What's going on in there?
00:24:05Has he attacked anyone yet?
00:24:06What did he look like?
00:24:07He's got one?
00:24:14That's right.
00:24:25I'll try.
00:24:28There's a clue.
00:24:29I'm sorry.
00:24:33I've done the wrong.
00:24:36I've done it.
00:24:37Um, I mean, I went to the cinema with...
00:24:42You can't go on, because you sneaked into the theater alone.
00:24:47I didn't sneak.
00:24:50Or, in a way, I sneaked, but...
00:24:53His sneaking is a confession.
00:24:56I did not confess anything, Your Excellency.
00:24:58I object.
00:25:00You can't object.
00:25:01You're the defendant.
00:25:04Then I deny it.
00:25:05Defendant, do you admit that under the cover of darkness,
00:25:09you attacked Mademoiselle Perra?
00:25:12Your Excellency, a little kiss is scarcely an attack.
00:25:16What would you call it?
00:25:18Well, we might call it, uh, a present.
00:25:24I object.
00:25:25Oh, oh, no. If I can't object, he can't object.
00:25:28Objection sustained.
00:25:43Well, say, I really haven't time for anything like this just now.
00:25:46I'm on my way to a trial.
00:25:48Yes, I know.
00:25:48You are Philip's friend, Mr. Tutu.
00:25:50Yes.
00:25:50I've been chasing you for blocks.
00:25:52Oh, you have?
00:25:52Will you take him a letter?
00:25:53Well, I'm late now.
00:25:54You see, I have an hour to prepare this basket of things
00:25:56for him to have in jail.
00:25:58You think they will send him to jail?
00:25:59Oh, sure.
00:26:00He hasn't got a chance.
00:26:01Oh, if you were only a murderer.
00:26:03Oh, but this letter's very important.
00:26:05Will you deliver it?
00:26:06It's a matter of life and death.
00:26:08Life and death?
00:26:08I'll deliver it dead or alive.
00:26:10Woo-hoo!
00:26:13Defendant, have you ever been sentenced before for a similar, uh...
00:26:18Well, Your Excellency, I must confess, I have kissed a few times in my life,
00:26:22but I've never been sent to jail for it.
00:26:26Right, very well.
00:26:28Now, in this particular instance, how did the plaintiff react?
00:26:34React?
00:26:35Oh, uh, you mean, uh, uh, during the act.
00:26:39She didn't react.
00:26:40I did, I did.
00:26:41I slapped him.
00:26:42Oh, no, that was afterwards, afterwards.
00:26:46But while I was, you didn't budge.
00:26:50Because I was paralyzed with shock.
00:26:53Your Excellency, I do wish you let me object just this once.
00:26:57Because I really don't paralyze people when I kiss them.
00:27:01Silence!
00:27:02Silence!
00:27:04Silence!
00:27:05Silence in the court!
00:27:05Silence!
00:27:06Silence!
00:27:14Silence!
00:27:20Silence!
00:27:20This where Martin is being tried?
00:27:22Yes.
00:27:23Where do you think you're going?
00:27:25Here?
00:27:25Don't you see that?
00:27:26Public, not admitted?
00:27:28Oh, I see.
00:27:29Oh, hey, how about him?
00:27:30He has a card.
00:27:31Yes, but I, I have a letter, I have a letter.
00:27:33You must have a card.
00:27:35Bureau 346, fourth floor.
00:27:37Second corridor to your right, third door.
00:27:42That way.
00:27:51Mademoiselle Pellera, I would like you to tell the court just what you felt at the time of the, uh,
00:27:57Oh, yes.
00:28:01What any girl would feel?
00:28:03Terror?
00:28:05Well, Your Excellency, I, I can't say terror exactly.
00:28:11Horror?
00:28:12No, I, I can't say horror.
00:28:16Excitement, perhaps?
00:28:18No, not quite excitement.
00:28:22Mixed emotions, then.
00:28:24Yes, that's it.
00:28:26Mixed emotions.
00:28:29Silence.
00:28:31Defendant, in the presence of the plaintiff, you will now show just how this thing happened.
00:28:38Oh, stop.
00:28:41You can demonstrate on the clerk of the court.
00:28:50That's asking a little too much.
00:28:52Hey, young man, where are you going?
00:28:54Arrest him or something.
00:29:01Why don't you knock?
00:29:02Oh.
00:29:03Well, I'm, I'm in a hurry.
00:29:04The sign said knock.
00:29:05I will next time.
00:29:06What do you want?
00:29:07I want admission to the courtroom, door number, number six.
00:29:09You have to get a phone.
00:29:10Fourth floor, corridor to the right.
00:29:11Up the stairway.
00:29:12And don't read over my shoulder.
00:29:14Oh.
00:29:17Oh.
00:29:18What's wrong car to the right?
00:29:19Don't you...
00:29:20Don't read over my shoulder.
00:29:22Knock, knock, knock.
00:29:23Knock, knock.
00:29:23The only way we can get to the truth of this thing is to reenact the crime just as it
00:29:28occurred
00:29:29at the cinema.
00:29:31Sit down, mademoiselle.
00:29:35You have nothing to fear.
00:29:36You are in the fatherly protection of justice.
00:29:44Your Excellency.
00:29:46At the cinema, she was much nearer.
00:29:48Uh, mademoiselle, if you please.
00:29:54Nearer.
00:29:55Uh, uh, uh, uh.
00:30:00It's all right.
00:30:01Very well.
00:30:02Now, let's proceed.
00:30:05Before kissing the plaintiff, did you make any advances?
00:30:11He stole my program.
00:30:12Oh, oh, oh.
00:30:13Is that true?
00:30:15No, I, I didn't steal it.
00:30:18I merely borrowed it.
00:30:19And then what did you do?
00:30:22Oh, nothing.
00:30:23I just kissed her, that's all.
00:30:25What?
00:30:26Nothing?
00:30:27He called that nothing.
00:30:29Why?
00:30:29Down.
00:30:30Uh, but how?
00:30:32How?
00:30:33Illustrate.
00:30:34Let's see.
00:30:36Oh.
00:30:37Don't you touch me.
00:30:38Well, she, she didn't say that in the cinema.
00:30:42Stop.
00:30:44I protest.
00:30:46I object.
00:30:47I mean, silence.
00:30:50Go away.
00:30:56Come in.
00:30:59Why did you knock?
00:31:00Well, the man up or downstairs, he, he told me to knock.
00:31:02In fact, he was very rude about it.
00:31:03Never mind.
00:31:04What do you want?
00:31:04What do I want?
00:31:05Oh, oh.
00:31:07My very best friend, Martin.
00:31:08He's on trial for his life or death.
00:31:11I, I must have a pass to see him in door number three.
00:31:13You'll have to get a tax stamp.
00:31:14First floor in the corner by the entrance.
00:31:17You haven't got one here, have you?
00:31:18No.
00:31:19No.
00:31:21Mr. Martin?
00:31:25The court is confused.
00:31:27It still does not understand the when of the kiss, the where of the kiss, or the why
00:31:32of the kiss.
00:31:35Your Excellency, if I could only explain...
00:31:39I see.
00:31:40You mean the temptation was irresistible.
00:31:45Yes!
00:31:46That's it!
00:31:47Oh!
00:31:48Uh!
00:31:48More!
00:31:49Your Excellency, you know what love is, don't you?
00:31:55Oh, don't ask the court question.
00:31:58Well, it's sort of like being struck by lightning, isn't it?
00:32:01I protest.
00:32:03Against lightning?
00:32:05Silence!
00:32:06Now, go on with your lightning.
00:32:08Go on, go on.
00:32:10Well, it happened like this.
00:32:12I was seated next to Mademoiselle.
00:32:16The fragrance of her perfume.
00:32:20Such a subtle perfume, Your Excellency.
00:32:23Charming.
00:32:26Then I was looking at Mademoiselle's ear.
00:32:30Oh, Your Excellency, I do wish the court would come down and take a look at that sweet little ear.
00:32:38The bench can see the sweet little ear from here.
00:32:42Proceed.
00:32:43Well, Your Excellency, that ear was saying things to me.
00:32:48The people on the screen were embracing each other.
00:32:52There was soft music, a love song.
00:32:55It went like this.
00:32:57Da, da, dee, da, da.
00:32:59Da, da, da, dee, a, la, la, la.
00:33:04Dee, a, la, la, la.
00:33:05Da, da.
00:33:07Da, da.
00:33:08And then, Your Excellency, I offered up a kiss as my tribute to beauty.
00:33:15This defendant convicts himself.
00:33:21In weaving his subtle net, he employed all the insidious devices known to his perfidious profession.
00:33:30A love song, a rainy afternoon, low lights, and then, at the psychological moment, he struck.
00:33:44Bravo!
00:33:46Bravo!
00:33:50Bravo!
00:33:51Oh, Paul, Philippe, Philippe, Philippe, Philippe could only remember the defendant's oration from the Merchant of Venice, or, or Madame
00:33:57X, Madame X, Madame X, Madame X would be great, too.
00:33:59But he won't, he won't.
00:34:04Martin, before I pass sentence, have you anything further to say?
00:34:10Only this, that if I'm convicted for kissing a girl, a beautiful girl, mind you, that it will be the
00:34:18first, the first time since the dates of Charlemagne that a Frenchman has been convicted for so charming an offense.
00:34:28Down through the centuries, we have become known as the most gallant of nations.
00:34:33And now, with one gesture, this court will destroy that noble and inalienable heritage.
00:34:40The quality of mercy is not strained.
00:34:43It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven, as it droppeth upon us that rainy afternoon.
00:34:50And so, I kissed this beautiful girl.
00:34:55No true Frenchman should question why or wherefore.
00:34:58I only asked the court to study her loveliness.
00:35:03And there, I rest my case.
00:35:07Bravo!
00:35:10Silence.
00:35:12Martin, this is not all strictly legal because, making allowances for the dear little ear, we find you guilty of
00:35:23merely creating a disturbance in public and inflict a minimum penalty of three days in jail.
00:35:30Three days?
00:35:31In three days, this monster will be free to repeat his crime.
00:35:39Three days in jail, or 150 francs and costs.
00:35:44Oh, I'll pay the fine.
00:35:46150 francs plus city taxes, plus special taxes, plus government taxes, plus registration fees.
00:35:51Total, 1,000 francs, 80-something.
00:35:56Will you please give me the address of that jail?
00:36:03Look at him!
00:36:04He's there!
00:36:04Come on, Captain!
00:36:05He's there!
00:36:06He's there!
00:36:07He's there!
00:36:07He's there!
00:36:08He's there!
00:36:09He's there!
00:36:11He's there!
00:36:11Do I knock, or do I not knock?
00:36:13Knock.
00:36:14Knock?
00:36:15Knock, knock.
00:36:16Knock, knock.
00:36:17Knock, knock.
00:36:18Knock, knock.
00:36:19There.
00:36:20What do you want?
00:36:20Well, I have here a permit.
00:36:22I have four signatures.
00:36:23I have a stamp.
00:36:24Now I want a card.
00:36:25Are you a French citizen?
00:36:27Yes.
00:36:27Yes.
00:36:29What did your mother and father die of?
00:36:30They didn't.
00:36:32I'll have to look up your record.
00:36:34My record?
00:36:34Yes, sir.
00:36:35We have on file here a complete life's history of every citizen.
00:36:39Well, I'll be back after a while.
00:36:40Sit down.
00:36:57Let's go there.
00:36:58Okay, so we'll be right here, Nothing, who's in search of a co-host, who will be near the
00:37:10room?
00:37:10Well, let's take a run in!
00:37:21Uh, I'd like to pay the fine in the Martin case, please.
00:37:25Martin, Martin, Martin, Martin, M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M
00:37:29-M-M-M-M-M.
00:37:33Still?
00:37:44I've got them. I've got them. Now, now I can go in.
00:37:48Oh, you didn't need a card to go into the trial.
00:37:51What? Why, you told me I had.
00:37:53To go into the reserve door, yes.
00:37:55Oh, yes, yes.
00:37:56This entrance is public.
00:37:58Oh, this is public. Now you know, don't you?
00:38:01Oh, yes, yes. Now I know.
00:38:02Where are you going?
00:38:03I'm going into the trial.
00:38:07The trial is over.
00:38:09Oh, then I don't need this anymore.
00:38:11No.
00:38:11The trial is over.
00:38:12Yeah.
00:38:13Oh, yes. The trial is over.
00:38:16What are they doing to Martin?
00:38:18They put him in jail.
00:38:20What?
00:38:20He couldn't pay his fine.
00:38:22Oh.
00:38:24Couldn't pay his fine, huh?
00:38:26Oh, couldn't pay his fine.
00:38:57Where are they? Where are they? You know, they...
00:38:59Where are what?
00:39:00Where they put them.
00:39:00You know, where they...
00:39:01Oh, the cell.
00:39:02The cell.
00:39:03You go upstairs, the second corridor...
00:39:05Don't tell me.
00:39:06I'll find it better if you don't tell me.
00:39:11Are you sure he'll be released immediately?
00:39:14Immediately?
00:39:14Shut the wicket.
00:39:23This way.
00:39:25Hey!
00:39:30Hey!
00:39:33That's fine.
00:39:46Just a minute.
00:39:47Just a minute, just a minute.
00:39:48Are you 666-3636?
00:39:50What?
00:39:51Martin, Martin.
00:39:52Yes, Martin.
00:39:53There's an order for his release.
00:39:55Release?
00:39:56His fine was paid.
00:39:57But who paid it?
00:39:58How can I know?
00:39:59Mademoiselle Pellerin.
00:40:01No!
00:40:04I am free.
00:40:05Oh, good luck.
00:40:08Mademoiselle.
00:40:09Mademoiselle.
00:40:10You've made me very happy and grateful.
00:40:13Will you leave me alone or shall I call for the police?
00:40:15Oh, do you want to have to pay another fine for me?
00:40:17No.
00:40:18It wasn't for you.
00:40:19No?
00:40:19Then why did you pay it?
00:40:21Well, do you suppose I want all this ridiculous publicity to go on?
00:40:24The monster in jail.
00:40:25The monster escapes.
00:40:27The monster released.
00:40:29Oh, so you don't think I am one, huh?
00:40:32I don't care what you are.
00:40:33I just don't have anything more to do with you, that's all.
00:40:36A man who goes around kissing strangers.
00:40:39Oh, but we are no strangers any longer.
00:40:41Oh.
00:40:42Oh, I see having paid a thousand francs for one case, you might hesitate about a second.
00:40:48Well, I'm sure you'll make a discount for an old customer.
00:40:51I will.
00:40:51Oh, mademoiselle, one minute, please.
00:40:53Listen, suppose we're seen.
00:40:54Don't you realize we're standing on a public staircase?
00:40:56We might go to the cinema.
00:40:57Oh.
00:40:57Mademoiselle, mademoiselle, I don't care who sees us or what they say, but I won't let
00:41:01you go until you permit me to repay you.
00:41:03You won't?
00:41:05No, I won't.
00:41:07All right.
00:41:08Pay me, then.
00:41:10Well, I'm afraid at the moment, of course, I...
00:41:12Oh, Toto.
00:41:14Mademoiselle.
00:41:15Toto, give me a thousand francs.
00:41:16A thousand francs?
00:41:17Then give me a line.
00:41:18Oh.
00:41:19No matter what you've done to me.
00:41:20No matter what you've done to me.
00:41:21I love you.
00:41:23No.
00:41:23I hate you.
00:41:24No.
00:41:25I forgive you.
00:41:26I forgive you.
00:41:29I forgive you.
00:41:30Tony.
00:41:34Tony.
00:41:36Yes?
00:41:59What are you doing?
00:42:01Look here.
00:42:02We're going to have some fun.
00:42:06Him?
00:42:07Huh?
00:42:10Ah, the monster attacks again, eh?
00:42:18Go and sleep for the early night.
00:42:20Are you sure, mad hand, would be in the show?
00:42:22Yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:42:26Well, for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday.
00:42:28And in the front row, if you have.
00:42:37What is this? What are they doing down there, all those people? You know.
00:42:40They're buying tickets to see him out hand.
00:42:42Three hundred and sixty mail applications received this morning.
00:42:45You see the monster?
00:42:46I wish we had a page full of monsters like him. Where is he?
00:42:49You fired him?
00:42:50Yes.
00:42:50I fired him, and everybody in Paris is paying money to see him.
00:42:54That's the trouble with this, dear.
00:42:55You just tell somebody they're fired, and the first thing you know, they believe it.
00:43:00By the way, Jojo, I need you an uncle who is rich.
00:43:03Oh, very rich, very rich.
00:43:05And very thick.
00:43:05Yeah, well, he's out of danger now.
00:43:07Oh, that's too bad.
00:43:08Oh, he's out of danger?
00:43:10Yes, yes.
00:43:10Then what about him loaning you some...
00:43:12Oh, no, say not.
00:43:14No, no, never.
00:43:15Why, did he cut you out of his work?
00:43:16He cut me out of his life.
00:43:18Why?
00:43:19Well, because I look like him.
00:43:21I don't want to go around spending his money.
00:43:22People might think I'm him, and I don't want people to think I'm him,
00:43:24because I don't want to look like him, and everybody says we look like each other.
00:43:26Now, I don't want to look like him.
00:43:27But what does he look like?
00:43:28He looks like a dog-faced boy.
00:43:30Hey, pardon me, just a moment.
00:43:32After all, I'm his nephew, you know, see?
00:43:34Oh!
00:43:37Don't let's hear him.
00:43:39Well, they'd better be.
00:43:40Of course, they're here somewhere.
00:43:44Toto!
00:43:45Well done!
00:43:47He's come to fire you.
00:43:49Oh, he has already fired me.
00:43:51Maybe he's going to fire you again.
00:43:57Now, will you believe me?
00:43:59No.
00:44:00That soup is almost ready to eat.
00:44:02Ah, a chicken, eh?
00:44:05Now, will you go?
00:44:06No.
00:44:06You're going to stay here and have a fine dinner for them when they get back.
00:44:09I do all the cooking at home, you know.
00:44:11All right.
00:44:11What shall I say?
00:44:13I'll prompt you.
00:44:18I think I'll make some nice onion dressing.
00:44:21If you've come to collect money from them, you...
00:44:24Not at all, my dear.
00:44:25I've come to give them money.
00:44:29Oh, well.
00:44:30Well.
00:44:32It's a great pleasure.
00:44:32It's a great pleasure.
00:44:33And an honor.
00:44:34And an honor.
00:44:34It calls for a celebration.
00:44:35Calls for a celebration.
00:44:36Get some wine.
00:44:37Get some wine.
00:44:37Oh, a little one.
00:44:39Run down to the corner and get us a bottle of wine.
00:44:41Get two bottles.
00:44:41Oh, get two bottles.
00:44:42And don't come back.
00:44:48Oh, yeah.
00:44:49And a surprise.
00:44:49Oh, yeah.
00:44:50A surprise.
00:44:51A surprise.
00:44:51A surprise.
00:44:51A surprise to me, too.
00:44:53What were you doing back there?
00:44:53Oh, it's a little game we play called Seek and Go Hide.
00:44:55He hides and I find him.
00:44:57And I hide and he finds me.
00:44:58It's a game we play when we're not working.
00:45:01You are working, you know.
00:45:02Both of you.
00:45:02Really?
00:45:03Really?
00:45:04Really.
00:45:04Now, you give me the yogurt that I ate and you chop up those onions.
00:45:06Very fine.
00:45:08Do you realize what a great injustice you've done to me?
00:45:12Do you realize what a great injustice you have done to me?
00:45:15To both of you?
00:45:16Yes.
00:45:17Both of us.
00:45:20Turn your head a little that way, please.
00:45:21No more to the right.
00:45:22I want to look at your profile.
00:45:23Yeah.
00:45:23That's it.
00:45:24Is he going to ring the bell with his profile?
00:45:26I thought so.
00:45:27There is something there.
00:45:28Only ten days ago I was saying that that Marta has something.
00:45:32I think he has the mumps or the bulges.
00:45:35Is it contagious?
00:45:36Is it contagious?
00:45:37Now, what I mean is you have a real talent.
00:45:39Oh, that is why you fired me.
00:45:41Oh, no.
00:45:42Can't you take a joke?
00:45:44But, uh, you have a great future in front of you.
00:45:46I've had the whole play rearranged for you.
00:45:48I've even composed a song for you myself.
00:45:51Uh, it's about that rainy afternoon affair, you know.
00:45:54You rascal, you.
00:45:56Ah, you see?
00:45:56And you are making fun of my voice.
00:45:58What?
00:45:59You've got a marvelous voice.
00:46:00Has he?
00:46:01Has he?
00:46:01Has he?
00:46:02Oh, so you heard me sing.
00:46:04No, but I never, never mistake a face.
00:46:06Come on.
00:46:06Where's that here?
00:46:07Come on.
00:46:09Of salt.
00:46:10Of salt.
00:46:11Of salt.
00:46:11Come on.
00:46:16There's a little matter of salary.
00:46:18Oh, there's a little matter of salary.
00:46:20Oh, there's a little matter of salary.
00:46:20We mustn't forget the salary.
00:46:23Like a lot of it?
00:46:24Oh, yes, a lot.
00:46:25Here, cut that up.
00:46:26One, two, three.
00:46:29Is that enough?
00:46:32Four, five, six.
00:46:34Make it a thousand.
00:46:35Oh, then it's a deal.
00:46:36What are you two talking about?
00:46:37What are you talking about?
00:46:38I'm talking about salt.
00:46:40Oh, we are talking about...
00:46:41Franks.
00:46:42You mean you want a thousand?
00:46:42A thousand francs?
00:46:43Yes.
00:46:44Oh, oh.
00:46:53So you want a thousand francs?
00:46:54A week in advance.
00:46:55And you sure have it.
00:46:57Oh.
00:46:57You took my advice and made yourself popular,
00:46:59and I'm perfectly willing to pay my boy.
00:47:01Now put the rest of us up in the dressing.
00:47:05You mean to say he came right up to you
00:47:07and grabbed your arm?
00:47:08What did you do?
00:47:08Slap his face?
00:47:09Well, what could I do?
00:47:11How did he get out of jail?
00:47:15How?
00:47:16Yes.
00:47:17How?
00:47:19You wouldn't know, would you?
00:47:21Are you insinuating?
00:47:22Yes.
00:47:25Well, you'll paint his spine.
00:47:28What if I did?
00:47:30Wouldn't you?
00:47:31Gladly.
00:47:32But that's no reason he should chase you down the stairs, then.
00:47:36He doesn't need a reason for anything.
00:47:38He just does things.
00:47:44Who is it?
00:47:45Who is calling?
00:47:47It's personal.
00:47:48It's personal.
00:47:49It's personal.
00:47:50It's personal.
00:47:50It's personal.
00:47:53Hello?
00:47:54Yes, this is Mademoiselle Pellerin speaking.
00:47:57Who is it?
00:48:00Who?
00:48:02Who is it?
00:48:04Yes, Alfredo.
00:48:07Well, of all the colossal impudence calling me like this.
00:48:09I know, Mademoiselle, but this is terribly important.
00:48:12Well, if you think I'm going to stand here all afternoon and talk to somebody who has...
00:48:15Who is a...
00:48:19Oh, she cut me off.
00:48:20Well, call her again.
00:48:33I'll call her again.
00:48:34Who is it?
00:48:37Oh, indeed.
00:48:38Well, quickly then.
00:48:39I can't have you calling me every minute.
00:48:41What do you want?
00:48:42I must see you.
00:48:44I want to pay you back a thousand francs.
00:48:46Settle for 500.
00:48:48This afternoon?
00:48:50Well, that's impossible.
00:48:51This is the afternoon I go skating at the Palais de Glide.
00:48:59Alfredo?
00:49:02Well...
00:49:21Oh!
00:49:33Oh!
00:50:01Mademoiselle!
00:50:10Mademoiselle!
00:50:13Mademoiselle!
00:50:14Oh!
00:50:18Mademoiselle, I...
00:50:19I'm sorry you fell.
00:50:21You're not me doll.
00:50:22Did you bump your head?
00:50:25Oh, look!
00:50:31That's perfect, Marlon.
00:50:33It's the whiskers that do it.
00:50:35I'm sure with whiskers like that and your help, I could learn to skate very quickly.
00:50:40Will you go and let me get up?
00:50:47Oh!
00:50:54Well, come on.
00:50:55I can't let you stay here.
00:50:56You're in everybody's way.
00:50:57Oh, be careful.
00:50:59You're...
00:51:00You're always helping me out.
00:51:02I...
00:51:02I suppose I'll be thanking you the rest of my life.
00:51:05Well, I hope you don't consider this a permanent arrangement.
00:51:07Really?
00:51:07It's a very nice arrangement.
00:51:09Come on.
00:51:14You know, I don't often come here like this without my chaperone.
00:51:18Except today.
00:51:19Well, she just hasn't had something else she wanted to do.
00:51:21We'll cheer, and as we tremble, the stars will all assemble, a horoscope of bliss.
00:51:33Ninety-nine.
00:51:34First seat, sir.
00:51:35Deeper than the blue will be the love I pledge to you in our secret rendezvous.
00:52:09It's five o'clock.
00:52:10I really must be going.
00:52:11Oh, I forgot.
00:52:12I wanted to pay back a thousand francs.
00:52:14Well, then that ends the matter.
00:52:15I won't see you again.
00:52:17Why should you?
00:52:18Oh, I'm afraid I couldn't pay back a thousand francs at one time.
00:52:22You see, I thought you would permit me to pay back a little every day, say, a hundred francs.
00:52:29Then that would take ten days.
00:52:57Well, I think we're getting along very well together.
00:53:00That's what I was thinking.
00:53:10Ladies and gentlemen, I wish to announce an exhibition,
00:53:14by mademoiselle Agnes, queen of the ice.
00:53:19Will everyone please clear the ice?
00:53:31Mademoiselle Agnes.
00:53:39Oh, I beg your pardon.
00:53:40Do you mind getting off the rink?
00:53:50Who that is?
00:53:52Who?
00:53:52Billy Pondman.
00:53:53No.
00:53:54The monster.
00:53:55And Payran's daughter again.
00:53:56The monster.
00:53:57The monster.
00:54:02Hold it.
00:54:03Hold it.
00:54:03Oh, get it, boys.
00:54:05This is very fine publicity, Mr. Monster.
00:54:07Thank you, sir.
00:54:11I tell you, I won't have it.
00:54:12You're involving my family and exploiting my daughter.
00:54:15That little lily.
00:54:16It's an ill wind, my dear Pelleron,
00:54:18that doesn't ruffle the feathers of the rooster
00:54:19and settle the feathers of the goose.
00:54:21Goose?
00:54:22The little lamb.
00:54:23You can't use my daughter for your cheap publicity.
00:54:26But what a daughter.
00:54:27My compliments to you, my dear sir.
00:54:29And what publicity.
00:54:30My gratitude to your daughter.
00:54:32The little lily lamb.
00:54:33Don't forget that I'm not in the newspaper business for nothing.
00:54:36I'll start a scandal that'll ruin your theater.
00:54:38Another scandal?
00:54:39What cooperation?
00:54:42More good news, huh?
00:54:44Send complimentary tickets for the opening night, Mr. Pelleron,
00:54:47and get me the news for Dr. LaBiombe.
00:54:50See you, Mr. Pelleron.
00:54:52There is something going on about here that I do not know about.
00:54:56Something you do not know about,
00:54:58but something Monique does know about,
00:55:01and something I'm going to find something out about.
00:55:04I see.
00:55:05In other words, um...
00:55:06Monique!
00:55:07Paris has gone mad.
00:55:08Paris has always been mad.
00:55:10Paris has always been mad.
00:55:10I am mad too.
00:55:11Yeah?
00:55:11You've always been mad.
00:55:12Yes.
00:55:14And now I'm mad.
00:55:15Yes, you should be mad too.
00:55:17When every girl on every street goes about singing that foolish song,
00:55:21and expecting something wonderful to happen to her.
00:55:24Oh, that song.
00:55:25Yes.
00:55:40See?
00:55:41Even you are singing it.
00:55:42Well, so are you.
00:55:43Me.
00:55:44Well, anyway, it's a good song, and I like it.
00:55:45And so do I.
00:55:48Monique!
00:56:01Well, where are you going?
00:56:03Skating.
00:56:03What again?
00:56:04Well, it's marvelous exercise.
00:56:06You know I never felt better in my life.
00:56:07You see?
00:56:08She's proud of you.
00:56:09It makes her feel good.
00:56:10What on earth are you talking about?
00:56:11This.
00:56:16What a picture.
00:56:18Hmm.
00:56:18It's good of Martano, don't you think?
00:56:21Well, I, um...
00:56:24I look simply frightful, though.
00:56:26Exactly.
00:56:27Frightful.
00:56:28And where were you while this was going on?
00:56:31Me?
00:56:32Well, Father, I don't need a guardian every afternoon.
00:56:34No.
00:56:35You need a regiment.
00:56:36Well, Father, can I prevent him skating if he wants to?
00:56:39I can, that Mephisto.
00:56:41I'll prevent his skating.
00:56:43I'll prevent his kissing.
00:56:44I'll prevent his living.
00:56:46That's enough.
00:56:47You'll do nothing of the kind.
00:56:48You go on back to your rooms.
00:56:49Both you girls.
00:56:50Back to your rooms.
00:56:50Go on.
00:56:51From now on, I'll handle this matter myself.
00:56:54Myself.
00:56:59Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
00:57:01It's an outrage.
00:57:02Keep you just waiting like this.
00:57:03He's an hour late for dress rehearsal.
00:57:05And what is he anyway?
00:57:05In English?
00:57:06Yes.
00:57:06Think that I, who made him, created him.
00:57:08Lifted him up from a mere nobody to a great star.
00:57:11And overnight, facing every newspaper, his name in lights.
00:57:16It was I.
00:57:17I.
00:57:17So it was you.
00:57:18You were the fellow who kissed the girl in the cinema, huh?
00:57:20Yes.
00:57:21No.
00:57:22That reminded me to remind Martha to do it again.
00:57:34I'm a respectable woman, I tell you I am.
00:57:37I admit it.
00:57:38In fact, I'm in favor of it.
00:57:42Oh, but I can't stand this concealment and outcome.
00:57:46Can't you, Philip?
00:57:47No.
00:57:48Either we must face your husband, or we must part.
00:57:53Philip, must we really?
00:57:55What is there left to do?
00:57:59Yes.
00:57:59Yes.
00:58:00I understand.
00:58:03But how will I ever forgive myself for breaking your heart?
00:58:08Oh, the...
00:58:08Oh, that's all right, little woman.
00:58:19Oh, I'm sorry.
00:58:20Is that him?
00:58:21Yes.
00:58:22Who's the girl?
00:58:23It doesn't make any difference.
00:58:24It's a girl.
00:58:25Goodbye.
00:58:27Yes.
00:58:27I know how you are suffering, Philip.
00:58:30You are suffering, aren't you?
00:58:32What?
00:58:33Why?
00:58:34Naturally.
00:58:36Well, if we are saying goodbye, you may kiss me for the last time.
00:58:42You mean, for the first time.
00:58:57Morning.
00:58:58Ah, there you are.
00:58:59Ah, good morning.
00:59:00Ah, good morning.
00:59:01Did you have a good rest?
00:59:02Yes, thank you.
00:59:03I trust this dress rehearsal's not going to be too much of a strain for you.
00:59:06Oh, not at all.
00:59:07Oh, thank you.
00:59:08Lovely.
00:59:08Of course, I thought it was going to be different, but look at this.
00:59:10We're just as unready as any company at a dress rehearsal.
00:59:13Back to your places.
00:59:14Come on, move.
00:59:15Hurry.
00:59:15You move like...
00:59:16Snails.
00:59:17Snails.
00:59:18Oh, shut up.
00:59:19I know my lines.
00:59:20Okay, I just want you to run over the new lyrics to the song.
00:59:22And put some warmth and some oomph into it, you know?
00:59:25Piano.
00:59:29The rain was dripping.
00:59:30I was slipping.
00:59:32And so I thought to see a movie would be...
00:59:34Yes, that's fine.
00:59:35Splendid.
00:59:36Excellent.
00:59:36But more warmth, my dear boy.
00:59:39More...
00:59:40Well, apparently I haven't so much...
00:59:42Mmm.
00:59:43Now, I'm going to show you how to do it.
00:59:45I'm going to play you.
00:59:47Oh, that's a bad piece of casting.
00:59:49Mmm.
00:59:49Well, I'll be you for the time being.
00:59:51Now, I'm going to sing the song that all Paragraphsy is waiting to hear.
00:59:55And you must imagine me coming down the aisle and taking my seat, just as you did in the cinema
00:59:59of the famous Kiss.
00:59:59And you'll sit next to Clara.
01:00:01Clara.
01:00:02Clara.
01:00:02Clara.
01:00:03Yes.
01:00:04Clara is going to play the Penelon girl, you see.
01:00:06Another bad piece of casting.
01:00:08How do you know?
01:00:08You've never kissed me.
01:00:10Well, I did.
01:00:12Quiet poo-poo.
01:00:14No, no.
01:00:15Come, come, come, come, come.
01:00:16Now, this is how it must be sung.
01:00:17The Mask of Comedy Concealing the Throbbing Heart of Romance.
01:00:23You follow me.
01:00:24It'll be quite easy.
01:00:25My key please.
01:00:27Now, the first part's unimportant, you see, because everybody just tells the story and everybody knows the story.
01:00:31So, all right, you know.
01:00:34The rain was dripping and I was slipping, and so I thought to see a movie would be ripping.
01:00:39It was a dark beer, so nice to park beer, especially on that rainy afternoon.
01:00:43A lovely stranger sat there beside me, and there was danger but no conscience there to guide me.
01:00:52I squeezed her hand then, it was so grand then, on that lucky rain, rain, rainy afternoon.
01:00:59Upon the screen there was a scene of Lance Supreme, but in between I caught a glimpse of loveliness divine
01:01:07that stole away this heart of mine.
01:01:11Believe me, mister, who could resist her?
01:01:15Before I knew what I was doing, I had kissed her.
01:01:21There's another way to do that, you know.
01:01:23You could kiss her before you sing the words kiss her.
01:01:26We'll try that again.
01:01:26Before I knew what I was doing, I had kissed her.
01:01:33I think it's better to kiss her after you say the words kiss her,
01:01:36because it gives you a little more time.
01:01:37Before I knew what I was doing, I had kissed her.
01:01:51The story's simple, a saucy dimple, brought us together on that rainy afternoon.
01:02:05You did that very well, Martijn, very well.
01:02:08Oh, uh, shall I try it again?
01:02:11If you can, if you like, yeah.
01:02:12All right, come on, Clara.
01:02:14No, no, no, no.
01:02:14Tara's busy.
01:02:15Lulu, you come and understudy Clara from Mr. Martijn, will you?
01:02:18Oh, I am.
01:02:19How long have you been employed in my theater, hmm?
01:02:28I am.
01:02:29I am.
01:02:29You are the fellow I am looking for.
01:02:30How do you do?
01:02:31Is it about Monique?
01:02:32So, you call her Monique, do you?
01:02:34Oh, well, I can explain that.
01:02:36Yes, well, I'm not here for an explanation.
01:02:37This friendship, if that's what you call it, massisse.
01:02:39Oh.
01:02:41I'm sorry to hear that.
01:02:43You see, I am deeply indebted to your daughter.
01:02:47But as much as I would like it to be otherwise,
01:02:50our friendship is nothing but a business arrangement.
01:02:52Business?
01:02:53Yes.
01:02:54You see, after she paid my fine and got me out of jail,
01:02:57well, the least I could do was to pay her back.
01:02:59Monique paid your fine?
01:03:01Yes.
01:03:02Why, if I...
01:03:19Oh, uh...
01:03:20Now, look at me about her.
01:03:21I want to hear more about this.
01:03:22Why did she pay your fine?
01:03:24You see, she realized that as long as I was in jail,
01:03:27the whole incident would be headlined in the papers.
01:03:29So, to avoid any more publicity, she paid my fine.
01:03:32I'm only interested in there being no more scant.
01:03:34And as you are a gentleman that respects Monique...
01:03:37Respect?
01:03:38Monsieur Peller, and there's nothing in the world I wouldn't...
01:03:41Well, then, for Monique's sake, I hope you will use discretion,
01:03:44good judgment, and good taste.
01:03:45Well, then, for Monique's sake, I hope you will use discretion,
01:03:46and no more scandal.
01:03:48For Monique's sake.
01:03:50Thank you, Martin.
01:03:53Uh, good-bye, Martin.
01:04:00Thank you, Martin.
01:04:06Thank you, guys.
01:04:13Monique!
01:04:14Monique!
01:04:15Alfredo!
01:04:15I won't be followed about like this if you wanted something
01:04:17you could have waited.
01:04:18Yes.
01:04:18But look.
01:04:22Well, of all that...
01:04:24You are mad at him!
01:04:25Oh, I'm delighted!
01:04:27I'll show him.
01:04:28Oh, precious!
01:04:29Monique!
01:04:30Monique!
01:04:31Oh!
01:04:36Monique, wait!
01:04:37Oh, you, you, kissing women in taxi cabs!
01:04:39Who?
01:04:40Just so that you can get your pictures in the paper again.
01:04:42What do you do?
01:04:43Who hire photographers to follow you?
01:04:44Oh, that was the girl I thought I was kissing in the cinema.
01:04:47But I was just saying goodbye to her forever,
01:04:49so that you and I could...
01:04:51Oh, let me go.
01:04:53Look!
01:04:54The monster!
01:04:55Oh, no, no, not me.
01:04:56He and him.
01:04:57Hey, come along.
01:05:10I saw his pictures in the paper.
01:05:12What have I done?
01:05:13Oh, just a minute, please.
01:05:15Are you going to let them do this to me?
01:05:23No violence now.
01:05:36Dear, oh dear, I'm ruined.
01:05:37I have to give all those people their money back.
01:05:40If you still have money to get them back.
01:05:41If I still had it here.
01:05:42Do you realize that the curtain goes up in a few hours?
01:05:45Yes.
01:05:45And you haven't got a leading man?
01:05:46Ah, yes, you have.
01:05:48I'm in perfect voice.
01:05:50I have 15 years of experience behind me.
01:05:53Behind you?
01:05:54Have you ever kissed a girl in the cinema?
01:05:56I've ever kissed one?
01:05:57Just one?
01:05:58One?
01:06:00I have it.
01:06:01Here he's understudy.
01:06:01You've been understudy behind the bars.
01:06:03Bah!
01:06:04I am no convict.
01:06:05And you're no singer.
01:06:06But you're a prompter.
01:06:08It's your job to think things up.
01:06:09We'll take a taxi and you'll think.
01:06:11I think we're all going to jail.
01:06:12That's what I've done.
01:06:13Mr. Perron.
01:06:14Mr. Perron.
01:06:15You don't seem to realize.
01:06:15You don't seem to realize.
01:06:16That...
01:06:17That our particular...
01:06:18Our particular...
01:06:18Gentlemen.
01:06:19Gentlemen.
01:06:20Gentlemen.
01:06:20Gentlemen.
01:06:20You don't make sense.
01:06:22One at a time.
01:06:22Now what is this all about?
01:06:24Martin is in jail and I am ruined.
01:06:25Yeah.
01:06:26He's ruined and Martin's in jail.
01:06:28Will you kindly keep this echo of yours quiet?
01:06:30Quiet.
01:06:31Quiet.
01:06:31Quiet.
01:06:31Quiet.
01:06:32Quiet.
01:06:32I don't see that either fact interests me.
01:06:35Your mother has been caught again in a trifling indiscretion.
01:06:38May it trifle?
01:06:39Attack your daughter again.
01:06:40Huh.
01:06:40Again?
01:06:41The first time was an outrage.
01:06:43But if there's a second time...
01:06:45It's a triumph.
01:06:46Don't try to keep guessing what I'm going to say.
01:06:48I mean what you should say.
01:06:49Huh?
01:06:50Something has got to be done with you.
01:06:52To help you, I would do nothing.
01:06:54Oh, thank you very much.
01:06:55But to keep my daughter's name unblemished, I've moved...
01:06:58Heaven and earth.
01:06:59Now, the world.
01:07:00Oh, the world.
01:07:01Well, maybe I cover a little too much territory.
01:07:03Gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:07:04Martin is in jail.
01:07:06And you're ruined.
01:07:07Yes, right.
01:07:09Hello there, daughter.
01:07:31Father.
01:07:33Well?
01:07:35Is there anything new in the paper?
01:07:38Oh.
01:07:39You and Martin still have the headlines.
01:07:42Oh, how long do you think they'll keep him in jail?
01:07:45Maybe forever.
01:07:46It's a second offense, you know.
01:07:49And he's considered dangerous to the entire womanhood of France.
01:07:54Oh, that's right.
01:07:55It's absurd.
01:07:56If he doesn't appear at the theater tonight, he'll never get another chance.
01:08:00Oh.
01:08:01Then it's his career you're interested in.
01:08:05Yes.
01:08:09Oh, please stop being an important publisher and be an important father.
01:08:14But, but Your Excellency.
01:08:15Gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:08:16I have had a hundred telegrams.
01:08:19My phone has been driving me mad all afternoon.
01:08:21An army of women, some beautiful, some so-so, are now waiting in my ante-room.
01:08:28All...
01:08:29Demanding his release?
01:08:30Exactly.
01:08:31You mean to tell me that you want to be the first man to go down in history to refuse
01:08:33a thousand women?
01:08:34No.
01:08:35Yes.
01:08:36To uphold the law, I'd refuse any woman anything.
01:08:41Who is this man?
01:08:42He's the Minister of Justice.
01:08:43Is he?
01:08:44Are you?
01:08:45Are you really?
01:08:46Yes, really.
01:08:47Hello, how are you?
01:08:48I'll tell you what I'll do.
01:08:49You let me have Martin for one month and I'll let you have him for ten years.
01:08:53Now.
01:08:53Very generous offer.
01:08:55But it's entirely without precedent.
01:08:57Did Napoleon wait for precedence?
01:09:01Why don't you confess that you're the monster?
01:09:03Why don't you confess that you're an idiot?
01:09:05Well, I don't mind.
01:09:06Well, all right then.
01:09:07Gentlemen, gentlemen.
01:09:08A very fine point has been raised by the idiot.
01:09:11I mean this gentleman here.
01:09:12A fine point about Napoleon.
01:09:14Like him, I adhere to my decisions.
01:09:16In this case, I could do absolutely nothing.
01:09:19Nothing?
01:09:20Nothing?
01:09:21Nothing.
01:09:23Pardon me.
01:09:25Hello?
01:09:27Oh, oh.
01:09:28Hello, darling.
01:09:30It's my little wife.
01:09:32The Empress Josephine.
01:09:34Yes, my darling.
01:09:36You haven't forgotten about the new review that's opening tonight, have you, darling?
01:09:41Oh, darling, I'm sorry.
01:09:43I...
01:09:44An affair of state.
01:09:46This is...
01:09:49I know, but I have a new dress.
01:09:51Oh, it's an affair of state.
01:09:54I want to go and I have a new dress.
01:09:58Oh, oh, my...
01:09:59No, my darling.
01:10:02Yes, my darling.
01:10:04No, my darling.
01:10:06Very well, my darling.
01:10:11Oh, gentlemen, that really was my little wife.
01:10:16You know, on second thought, Napoleon was also open-minded.
01:10:22If I grant your request...
01:10:24Oh, thank you so much, dear darling.
01:10:26Ah, ah, ah.
01:10:26But before I release Martin, you must first get the signatures of the chief of police,
01:10:31the inspector of prisons, the keeper of the seals, the registrar, commissionaire.
01:10:46Here comes the most important fiancée in Paris.
01:10:54Ah, Monsieur.
01:10:56Oh, but Monique, my sweet, hurry, hurry.
01:10:58You'll be late for the opening.
01:11:00How can they be in the opening with Martin in jail?
01:11:02Oh, no, no, no.
01:11:03Have you not seen the extra?
01:11:04Just out.
01:11:04He is being released.
01:11:07Miravilloso.
01:11:08Well, I don't understand why you should be so delighted about that.
01:11:11Haven't you heard?
01:11:12Mario knows Martin is no actor and is just exploiting him.
01:11:16As an actor, he will be a colossal flap.
01:11:19Tonight, the audience will jeer him off the stage.
01:11:22Hmm.
01:11:23I would have missed that for anything in the world.
01:11:26They wouldn't dare laugh at him.
01:11:28Yes.
01:11:29All afternoon, I have been practicing my hiss.
01:11:34Alfredo, if you so much as that were a hiss, one little hiss or even a shush, I'll...
01:11:39Now, Monique, if you do not permit me to hiss him, I... I break off the engagement.
01:11:45You will?
01:11:47Most likely.
01:11:48Come on, Father.
01:11:49You are not dressed for the theatre either.
01:11:51Wait a minute.
01:11:52I have torn up the tickets.
01:11:54All right.
01:11:55I have got four seats for the compliments of the manager.
01:11:57Oh.
01:11:58All right.
01:12:15Cosma.
01:12:15Yes.
01:12:16I have a release, Martin.
01:12:20Here, here's the release.
01:12:21Here's the release.
01:12:21Take it.
01:12:22Take it.
01:12:22Take it.
01:12:22Take it.
01:12:22Honey, Philippe.
01:12:23You're released and the show starts in 15 minutes.
01:12:25Come on.
01:12:25I'm not interested.
01:12:26What?
01:12:27I'm going to stay here.
01:12:28What?
01:12:28After all the trouble we went to get you out.
01:12:30Yes, I'm staying here.
01:12:32I'm not going to be made a fool of any longer.
01:12:35Headlines, photographs, fan mail, my name in lights.
01:12:38Not because I'm an actor or a singer, but because I'm a freak.
01:12:41Well, you tell your newspapers that the monster has retired to private life in jail.
01:12:47It's that Peleron girl.
01:12:49I heard you, Toto.
01:12:51Do you think that I'd be interested in a girl that allows them to arrest me just because I kissed
01:12:55another girl?
01:12:56A girl I don't care that much about?
01:12:57Oh, then you kissed the wrong girl again.
01:13:00That's marvelous.
01:13:01I can just see the headlines tomorrow morning.
01:13:03Monster weakened.
01:13:04Disappoints audience.
01:13:05Refuses to face music.
01:13:06Rejects career.
01:13:07And Monique will see it at breakfast and she'll turn to Papa Peleron and she'll say,
01:13:11I was right to let them arrest him.
01:13:12He turned out to be a coward after all.
01:13:19Let's go.
01:13:20Let's go.
01:13:27Tell the orchestra to play The Overture.
01:13:28They've already played it.
01:13:29Well, tell them to play it again.
01:13:31Where's Martin's dress suit?
01:13:32Bruno has it on, but I got the bell.
01:13:35You will be fortunate if the imposter does not appear.
01:13:38Then I shall assume my rightful place.
01:13:39The show must go on.
01:13:40Yes, and if Martin gets here, those clothes come off.
01:13:43Huh?
01:13:52Hurry, hurry.
01:13:53You better start getting undressed.
01:14:12Let me have a program.
01:14:20This seat is reserved for Monsieur Martens.
01:14:22It's part of the show.
01:14:24Oh.
01:14:25I beg your pardon.
01:14:26Excuse me.
01:14:28Kind of a wrong seat.
01:14:31A hundred thanks if you get us there in time.
01:14:33And a black eye if you don't.
01:14:34Start the show.
01:14:36Bring up the curtain.
01:14:40Come on, Mark.
01:14:46Cruz love the person.
01:14:51Please do.
01:14:53We want the curtain.
01:14:55We want the curtain.
01:15:00Our legs in the U.S.
01:15:02We want the curtain.
01:15:02Jeannie certainly wants us there.
01:15:03The door of our heads.
01:15:03We want the curtain.
01:15:03Please do.
01:15:06Jesus, come on, Jesus, come on!
01:15:11Come on, Donne ...
01:15:32Come on, come on, come on!
01:15:41The rain was dripping, and I was lifting, and so I thought to see a movie would be dripping.
01:15:47It was so dark there, so nice to park there, especially on one rainy afternoon.
01:15:53A lovely stranger sat there beside me, and there was danger but no conscience beside me.
01:15:59I squeezed the hand, and oh, it was so grand, and that lucky rain, a rainy, rainy afternoon.
01:16:06Upon the screen, there was a scene of love supreme, but in between, I caught a glimpse of loveliness divine
01:16:16that stole away this heart of mine.
01:16:19Believe me, Messa, who could resist her? Before I knew what I was doing, I had killed her.
01:16:26A story dimper, a saucy dimper, brought us together on one rainy afternoon.
01:16:33Love has a funny habit, it takes you on nowhere.
01:16:38Just when you least expect it, it's right beside you there.
01:16:43Love came and did I never, and incidentally, look what one rainy afternoon brought me.
01:16:53The rain was dripping, and I was lifting, and so I thought to see a movie would be ripping.
01:17:01It was so dark there, so nice to park there, especially on one rainy afternoon.
01:17:07A lovely stranger sat there beside me, and there was danger but no conscience there to guide me.
01:17:14I sneaked a hand, and oh, it was so grand, and that lucky rain, rain, rain, rain the afternoon.
01:17:20Upon the screen, there was a scene of love supreme, but in between, I caught a glimpse of loveliness divine.
01:17:35Believe me, Messa, could you resist her? Before I knew what I was doing, I just...
01:17:41I was so sorry, Messa.
01:17:42You're not offended.
01:17:43No.
01:17:44The story's ended.
01:17:47Thanks for one rainy afternoon.
01:18:00Whoo!
01:18:01Whoo!
01:18:02Whoo!
01:18:02Whoo!
01:18:03Whoo!
01:18:04Whoo!
01:18:04Whoo!
01:18:05Whoo!
01:18:05Whoo!
01:18:05Whoo!
01:18:06Whoo!
01:18:07Whoo!
01:18:09Whoo!
01:18:09Whoo!
01:18:22Huh!
01:18:41¶¶