00:00What does it mean to be white and why are white people so bad at talking about
00:05race? After spending 20 years running diversity trainings for big companies
00:09Dr. Robin DiAngelo has heard every excuse in the book from white people on
00:14why they weren't racist. They had a black friend at work, they were colorblind, they
00:20did Teach for America. Because I mean I'm a vegetarian so how could I be racist?
00:25White people provided her with all of their evidence and credentials that
00:28proved they couldn't be racist. Put on your seatbelt listeners white people are
00:34all racist. So after two decades of talking to white people about race Dr.
00:39DiAngelo realized that not only were white people terrible at talking about
00:43racism but they were oblivious to it even Millennials. I've been doing a lot of work
00:49with tech companies and most of the employees are under 30 and they are
00:54oblivious. They see themselves as open and yet they can't engage with any nuance
01:01or depth and so they're flabbergasted when they're very few co-workers of color
01:07share with them how much pain they're in. Why are white people oblivious to racism?
01:12Well for one we can't even answer what it means to be white or have a race. If I
01:18can't answer that question what does it mean to be white I'm not gonna be able to
01:24hold what it means not to be white. I'm not gonna have any ability to validate an
01:29alternative experience and that is what it's like for people of color every day.
01:33When they try to talk to us about their realities we in a range of ways refuse
01:38that reality. Most of us will claim that race has no meaning to us or if it has
01:43meaning to us we've been in no way touched by racist conditioning or racist
01:47messages. Most of us feel exempt from the literal water we're swimming in. And the
01:53reason we feel exempt from the entire world around us is because we've
01:57convinced ourselves that we're different from other white people. Look we know
02:01some white people are racist but we're not like them. This idea that we're all
02:06special and unique and that if I just knew this about you I'd know why you were
02:10different after all you've been in Teach for America haven't you? All right so
02:13let me get this straight. We don't want to acknowledge our own race despite living
02:17in a society where it has profound meaning which makes it really hard to
02:21talk about racism and yet the most offensive thing to call a white person
02:25is a racist. What's up with that? Racists are mean individuals who
02:30consciously don't like people based on race and intentionally seek to harm them.
02:34If that is your definition of a racist and I say to you why what you just said was
02:39racist you're gonna hear that I just said you were an intentionally mean
02:43person and you're gonna experience that as a question to your very moral integrity.
02:49Right because then it means you're a genuinely bad person and you're immoral.
02:54Right. Everyone has racial bias but this is part of what makes it so
02:57challenging. We know it on some level but we can't admit to it because we
03:02believe it would mean we were immoral. Dr. D'Angelo pointed out that white people
03:07live the most segregated lives of any other racial group. Let that sink in for a
03:12second. We white people are the most segregated group of any race and when we
03:17describe our segregated environments we call them good. When you tell me this is
03:23a good neighborhood I just the assumption is it's white. When you tell me it's a it's a
03:28good school that's the assumption. When you tell me it's coming up it's getting
03:32whiter. You tell me it's going down getting less white. You tell me it's
03:36sketchy not white. White people measure the value of our schools and our
03:42neighborhoods by the absence of people of color. All this adds up to the dynamic
03:47that Dr. D'Angelo calls white fragility. Now if you've heard that before let us
03:51know in the comment section below and where you heard it but basically it's the
03:55idea that white people are totally unable to sustain even the most minimal
04:01level of racial discomfort. We make it so miserable for people of color to talk to
04:06us about our inevitable and often unaware racist patterns that most of the time
04:10trust me they don't. It's not worth it. They risk more punishment. They risk our
04:16hurt feelings, our defensiveness. If we're white women they they risk us
04:20bursting into tears and then they become the aggressor and we become the victim.
04:25And so it's it's a really effective form of everyday white racial control. Our
04:30culture is really really good at reproducing racial inequality. It's what
04:34we've always done. And so in order for the system to maintain itself all we have
04:39to do as white people is just be nice. Just be really nice. They'll smile at your
04:44co-workers of color. Go to lunch on occasion. Don't do anything else. And you
04:48will play your part. Niceness is not anti-racism. It takes strategic intentional
04:54action. So how do white people help end racism? Well first of all we have to admit
04:59that we are racist. That's the biggest and the best thing that we can do
05:04because after that it's all downhill. Because you can stop defending, deflecting,
05:09denying, being defensiveness, being guilty. I often ask people of color when I'm in
05:15front of a group what would it be like if you could just tell us when we stepped in
05:21it and had us receive that feedback with grace, reflect, and seek to change the behavior. What
05:28would that be like? And I'll never forget this man of color raising his hand and saying it
05:32would be revolutionary. And I just want you to take that in. Revolutionary. That we would
05:38receive the feedback with grace on our inevitable and often unaware racist patterns, reflect on
05:43them, and seek to change them. That's how difficult we are. That that's a revolution. But that's how easy it
05:49is.
05:50We just can't get there from the current paradigm that says I've been untouched by
05:55the forces of racism and if you suggest I've been touched by them you just said
05:58I was bad. Yeah. We can't get there from that paradigm. Look, our paper-thin skin and
06:03our fragile egos aren't helping anyone. If we can just own up to the fact that we
06:08have been relentlessly reinforced messages of superiority our entire lives, we can
06:14stop holding up centuries of racism. It's not that hard. We just have to admit it.
06:20But what are your thoughts on white fragility? Is this something that you've
06:22experienced in your life? Let me know in the comment section below and make sure
06:26you hit that follow button while you're there.
