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00:01My name is Nicole Bradford.
00:03This is Michael. He's my father.
00:06He works uptown. He dresses in a suit.
00:09This is Joey. He's my other father.
00:12He's an artist. We all live in his loft downtown.
00:16Michael and Joey inherited me from my mom.
00:18This is the judge that put us together.
00:20She says everything's gonna work out just fine.
00:23And if they screw up, I'll fix it.
00:25You can count on me. No matter what you do.
00:31You can count on me. No matter where you go.
00:36I'm standing by your side. I'll be right behind.
00:40No one loves you more than I do. Put your hands in mine.
00:45You can count on me. No matter what you do.
00:50You can count on me. No matter where you go.
00:56You can count on me.
01:05Seven seconds on the shot clock.
01:08It's magic. He fakes left. He fakes right.
01:11He drives in for you.
01:14What are you doing?
01:15Game six, 87 finals. Come on. You wanna play a little one-on-one?
01:18Give me a break. Some of us work today.
01:20Hey, there is no tomorrow for one of these two teams.
01:24Come on. I'm tired. I'm beat.
01:27You double dribble. Give me the ball.
01:30Earn it.
01:31All right, 21 game. You gotta win by two.
01:33And you can't use the furniture as a pick.
01:36Oh, hold it, hold it, hold it. I'm not ready.
01:43Okay, I'm ready.
01:48Joey Harris.
01:50He fakes left.
01:52He moves in.
01:53He's gone.
01:54He's going down.
01:56Hey!
01:56I'm in.
02:01He's out of bounds.
02:03My ball.
02:10Hey, honey.
02:12How was school?
02:14School was great.
02:15Lunch was wonderful.
02:17And algebra was tremendous.
02:19It's so good to be alive.
02:23Honey, what's going on?
02:25Nothing. Just cleaning up in here.
02:29Something's going on.
02:32Nothing's going on.
02:33She's a happy kid.
02:34She's doing the dishes without being told.
02:37She wants something.
02:38She's gonna ask us for a horse.
02:42Michael, she is happy because we are doing such a great job as parents.
02:46I mean, look at her.
02:47She's singing.
02:48She's smiling.
02:50She's possessed by Patty Duke.
02:53I think I'll go straighten up my room now.
02:57Twelve-year-old girl.
02:59Singing.
03:00And happy.
03:01Cleaning up.
03:03Uh-oh.
03:04What?
03:05Uh-oh.
03:08What is it?
03:09Look at what she drew on her notebook.
03:11That's a bunch of doodling.
03:13So what?
03:14Not just doodling.
03:16Hearts with arrows going through them?
03:19Joe, these are love doodles.
03:24Yeah.
03:25No, they can't be love doodles.
03:27She's way too young.
03:28Oh, yeah?
03:29Hearts with arrows going through them?
03:32She's either in love or she's an Apache cardiologist.
03:37I got it!
03:39She's only 12 years old.
03:40She can't have a boy in her life already.
03:42It's for me.
03:43Hello?
03:45Oh, hi.
03:49It's too late, Joe.
03:51We've lost her.
03:53I'm really glad you called.
03:56Yeah, I really am.
04:00Oh, no.
04:01Not yet.
04:02We just got her.
04:05Saturday?
04:07This Saturday?
04:09Listen to this.
04:10He's asking her out on a date.
04:12A date?
04:13Hey, she's not old enough to go out on a date.
04:15Oh, come on.
04:16How old were you when you went on your first date?
04:18Hey, it's not the same with guys.
04:20Oh, a little double standard here?
04:22Come on, how old were you?
04:24Eight.
04:26Eight?
04:28Yeah, eight.
04:28How old were you?
04:30Seven.
04:31Right.
04:33Okay, I was 14, but the girl was seven.
04:38This...
04:39You know why this is wonderful?
04:41Because in a few seconds, Joe, our little daughter is going to timidly ask us for permission to go on
04:48a very first date with a boy.
04:50And you know what we'll do?
04:52We will listen to her request.
04:54We will ask her pertinent questions about her young man, and then, with joy in our hearts and tears in
05:02our eyes, we'll say yes. This is a great father moment.
05:07Okay, great. Bye.
05:10Okay, get ready. Here comes the timid question.
05:13I'm going on a date this Saturday!
05:18The hell you are!
05:21What?
05:24What?
05:26I didn't get my little father moment.
05:28Oh, I'm sorry. I was excited. I should have asked permission, but if I ask, can I go?
05:32Maybe.
05:33No.
05:34Why not?
05:35Because you're too young to start dating.
05:37But Michael said maybe.
05:39Nicole, just give us a few minutes alone, okay?
05:44Michael, one word.
05:46Please!
05:50What are you doing?
05:52What am I doing? I'm protecting our little girl's best interests.
05:56Our little girl...
05:57Our little girl is on the brink of growing up.
06:00I don't want her growing up till she gets old.
06:04Oh, hi, Judge. Help us out here. We're having a little argument.
06:07No, thank you. I've already had one.
06:10The interesting thing about court is that no one comes there to agree.
06:15But then, I get a few minutes to relax in my bathtub directly below you.
06:22But I take a brief recess to come up here and tell you,
06:28Don't play basketball in the apartment!
06:35Thank you, gentlemen.
06:38Hey, Judge. Maybe you can help us decide something.
06:41Sorry. Court's adjourned.
06:44Nicole, first date.
06:51The kid's got a date?
06:54If we let her. She's old enough, isn't she?
06:56No! No, as far as I'm concerned, Nicole's too young to start dating.
07:00You trust her, don't you, Joey?
07:02Of course I trust her. It's the boy I don't trust.
07:05Why? What do you know about him?
07:08He's a boy. That's all I need to know.
07:11I mean, I just got her. I don't want to lend her out already.
07:14I mean, let him date somebody else's daughter.
07:17Fine. He can date my daughter.
07:21Look, you said you'd trust her, so trust her judgment about the boy.
07:24I want to see what Nicole sees in the kid. Maybe that'll convince me.
07:27His name is Corey Kupkis. He is great looking. I mean, he looks like Bon Jovi.
07:32Oh, I don't know. No, no.
07:35He reminds me of you.
07:45Now, you're in the theater with this guy. Okay? That's your seat. That's your territory.
07:50Now, this seat belongs to your date.
07:53Corey.
07:54For now, I prefer to think of him as the enemy.
07:57Dad, I know what I'm doing. I'm 12 years old.
08:00Hey, this shirt is 12 years old.
08:05Okay, now, the only thing between you is the armrest.
08:09Now, this is where the battle is won or lost.
08:12Now, he can't go under it. He can't go through it.
08:15He's got to come at you airborne.
08:18Hence the term, shooting him down.
08:22Well, when do I get to watch the movie?
08:24When it comes to cable.
08:27Now, the minute you take your eyes off that armrest, he's across the border.
08:32It could be the yawn move.
08:44And it could be the scratch the head move.
09:03Now, you see what I'm saying here? Look, the only defense you have are your knees and your elbows.
09:08I know, Dad. Cartilage is my friend.
09:14All right, now, at the end of the date, if, and only if, he stays on his side of the
09:20armrest,
09:21you can give him one kiss on the cheek.
09:25And that's it.
09:27Now, knock him dead.
09:29All right.
09:32Ah, this is great. Perfect. Don't move. Stay right there.
09:34I borrowed this from a friend of mine at work.
09:37I don't want to miss these golden moments.
09:41All right. Now, Nicole, I know it's a little Hollywood, but while I got the camera running,
09:47would you mind very much asking me for permission to go on the date?
09:51I really want a record of that.
09:54Dad.
09:55Okay, okay, okay. But I got you something for your date.
09:58You did?
09:59Uh-huh.
10:00What'd you get me?
10:01Not so close.
10:04You got them! I don't believe it!
10:06Yep. White leather boots with the fringy things.
10:10Hold them up for the camera.
10:15Hey.
10:17There you go.
10:19Michael, thank you!
10:28I'm gonna go try these on.
10:29Okay, okay.
10:31Wait, wait, wait. Would you do me a favor?
10:33Would you just wave bye-bye?
10:37Okay. Close the door.
10:39Great.
10:41All right, I checked this Cory kid out.
10:46He tries anything. I know where he lives.
10:50That's him! That's Cory!
10:52How do I look?
10:53How's my hair? I mean, how do you like this outfit?
10:56How about the sweater? Is it me?
10:57I'm not nervous.
11:00Get back in your room.
11:01Now, the girl's not supposed to be ready when the boy arrives for the date.
11:04That way they don't seem so anxious.
11:07Oh, that's why.
11:10Oh. Oh, okay, okay.
11:14I'll tell you.
11:15Any kid that would date a girl with two fathers,
11:17there's gotta be one brave little dude.
11:19Or a moron.
11:22Okay.
11:24This is the moment of truth.
11:26Our little girl's first date.
11:32I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.
11:37Sorry, Judge.
11:38We thought you were gonna be Nicole's date.
11:40Oh, good. Then I'm not too late.
11:43I brought her a little present.
11:44Some nice perfume.
11:45What kind of perfume?
11:47Relax, Joey. This stuff is about as erotic as lemon pledge.
11:58I got it.
12:01Hello?
12:05Yeah, this is Nicole's father.
12:07Oh, hello.
12:09You what?
12:11Wait, you're kidding?
12:14Why?
12:16You sure?
12:19Okay.
12:21Uh, well, I'll tell her.
12:23Right.
12:26That was Nicole's date.
12:29He's not coming.
12:32What?
12:34That little punk stood her up.
12:39What are we gonna tell her?
12:42I'm ready.
12:43Oh, hi, Judge. Where's Cory?
12:56Where's Cory?
12:59Where's Cory?
13:01That was the judge at the door, honey.
13:04That wasn't Cory.
13:05Oh.
13:06I guess he must be a little late then.
13:08Who is that on the phone?
13:10Uh, that's the wrong number.
13:12Jelly.
13:13Tell her.
13:16Tell me what?
13:18Nicole, honey.
13:22Honey,
13:24Michael's got something he wants to tell you.
13:27Thank you, Joe.
13:29Thank you, Joe.
13:31Nicole, honey.
13:35Honey.
13:37Just don't even think it.
13:44Sweetie?
13:46Your date, Cory,
13:49had a little problem.
13:50And, uh, he's gonna...
13:52He stood me up.
13:54I'm sorry, honey.
13:55My first date.
13:58First date, and I got stood up.
13:59Why did this have to happen?
14:02Well, you may have inherited this from me.
14:13It's okay.
14:15You'll get over it.
14:17It'll work out.
14:19Things always work out for the best.
14:21Time heals all wounds.
14:25Somebody jump in.
14:26I'm running out of cliches.
14:28Nicole, honey.
14:29Honey.
14:30Hey, why don't we all go out and do something?
14:32Fine.
14:34Thanks, but...
14:36I think I just want to spend a little time in my room, okay?
14:42Nicole?
14:43Could I hang out with you for a little while?
14:56Well...
14:57I'm depressed.
15:05Hey, I'm gonna go see this Cory kid.
15:07Wait, wait, wait. You're what?
15:08Hey, he broke our little girl's heart.
15:10I'm gonna get him.
15:11Joey.
15:11Joey.
15:13Wait a second.
15:14Hey, I've seen kids like this before.
15:15If nobody sets them straight, they strike again.
15:18What are you saying?
15:19We're dealing with a serial heartbreaker?
15:22I'm going to his apartment.
15:24You should come with me.
15:25Why?
15:26So you can go down on the sidewalk and break his fall.
15:34Hold on a second.
15:35Have you given any thought to what you're about to say to this kid?
15:38Hey, I know exactly what I'm gonna say to this kid.
15:40I'm gonna tell the little twerp that he broke my daughter's heart.
15:43And that because he is still a little twerp, he's safe from my wrath.
15:46But on the day he turns 21, I'm gonna hunt him down like the dog that he is.
15:54It's very nice.
15:56It's a very stable attitude to have.
15:59Joe, why don't I just take you home right now?
16:02Too late.
16:03All right.
16:09Yeah?
16:11You with a Kupka's kid?
16:13Yeah.
16:15Nicole's dating a longshoreman?
16:18You got a younger brother, right?
16:20Or a son?
16:21He's on his first date.
16:23Using the moves I taught him.
16:25Been teaching him all week.
16:26Oh, yeah?
16:29Well, that date is with our daughter.
16:32Well, here's an embarrassing situation.
16:38The reason we're here is that your brother never showed up.
16:43Oh, let me give you my big surprise face.
16:48So he does this all the time, huh?
16:50Hey, he's a Kupkis.
16:51Hey, go get him.
16:54Because I want to talk to the low-life creep that stood my daughter up.
16:58You do?
16:58Yeah.
16:59Well, I'll see if he's available.
17:01Good.
17:02Hey, Corey!
17:07Look, you picked a girl with two fathers.
17:09You moron!
17:10I told you, don't do that!
17:16I'm very sorry, sirs.
17:17I hope Nicole isn't too mad at me.
17:27There he is, Joe.
17:33Get him.
17:34The young destroyer of hearts.
17:38The dog you want to hunt down.
17:41The low-life creep you want to throw out a window.
17:44Should I open one up?
17:46Because, you know, if you get a nice, tight spiral on this kid, I'd say you could throw him to
17:50Staten Island.
17:52Please don't do that.
17:54I'm not going to do anything to you, Corey.
17:56I just want to know why.
17:58Why'd you stand Nicole up this afternoon?
18:00You broke her heart.
18:01You know, that was her first date.
18:04Well, it was my first date, too, you know.
18:08Yeah, but I taught you everything you needed to know.
18:11I taught you the yawn move.
18:13I taught you the head scratch move.
18:24Wouldn't have mattered, pal.
18:25I taught her the knees and elbows.
18:29Oh, professional.
18:32Corey, what happened?
18:35Look, you know, I really wanted to go.
18:38Took three showers, combed my hair for an hour.
18:42You know, I like Nicole a lot, but all that stuff you taught me, I didn't want to do that.
18:48I just wanted to go to the movies.
18:50What's the matter with that?
18:51Listen, Squirrel Head, let me tell you about my first date, all right?
18:54No, no, let me tell you about your first date.
18:58You went to a movie.
19:00You lost one of the tickets.
19:02You spilled a Coke.
19:03The people in front of you told you to shut up.
19:06And then, you went to hold her hand.
19:08And she put it in her pocket.
19:09She kept it in her pocket.
19:11And then, in payoff time, you walked her up to her front door.
19:14And for three months, you thought about that kiss that you were too scared to give her.
19:19Oh, yeah?
19:24You tell anybody, Cory, I'll kill you.
19:30Yeah, we all had the same first date.
19:39And apparently, we all lied about it afterwards.
19:48He stood me up.
19:51He called me.
19:53He asked me out.
19:55I thought he liked me.
19:58What did I do wrong?
19:59Nothing, sweetie.
20:02We've all been stood up in our lives.
20:05Even me.
20:07Really?
20:10His name was Stanley Welker.
20:13I was 23 years old.
20:16We were going together for six months.
20:19And then one day, he just didn't show up.
20:22And I never heard from him again.
20:25What happened?
20:28I swore that one day, I'd see him and I'd get even.
20:33Did you?
20:35Funny how life works.
20:47He appeared before me as a defendant in an insider trading scheme.
20:54I looked at him.
20:56I remembered how much I cared about him.
20:59I sent him up for 10 years, no parole.
21:10Nicole.
21:14Somebody here to see you.
21:26Hi.
21:27Hi.
21:32Listen, you know, I'm sorry I'm late.
21:34You know, traffic was murder.
21:40No.
21:41Uh...
21:42I got scared.
21:45And that's a hard thing for a cupkist to say.
21:51I was worried you met somebody you liked better.
21:55No way.
21:56There's nobody in the world I like better.
22:02Well, um, we missed the movie, but we could go down to Kloiki's and get some ice cream.
22:09Great.
22:15Thanks, Judge.
22:17Anytime, sweetie.
22:19Well, Dad, I'm going on my date now.
22:25Yes, you may.
22:30Corey, you take good care of me.
22:32I'll only buy her the best ice cream, sir.
22:35Oh, and Corey.
22:38At the end of our date, you can give me one kiss on the cheek and that's it, okay?
22:43Better than my brother did.
22:53Hey, Judge, thanks for all your help.
22:54My pleasure, boys.
22:56Oh, one word of advice.
22:58Don't let Nicole catch you when you spy on her down at Kloiki's.
23:04Judge, you wouldn't do a thing like that.
23:07We're not that kind of guys.
23:38You have a goodson.
23:48My future is now.
23:52You know what's happening today?
23:58I'm going to be right back.