00:00Hey friends, so this morning I was on another podcast, Deliverance Diaries.
00:07They're a new podcast that's just starting out.
00:10And the format surprised me a little.
00:13It was different than the podcasts I've been doing.
00:16I'm getting hundreds of podcast requests to come on as a guest worldwide.
00:22And it's sort of becoming a side job.
00:25I have more podcasts than I know what to do with.
00:28I just love it.
00:28I love talking about Christ and meeting new people.
00:32It's kind of like doing YouTube, but it's not.
00:36There's a lot of the ones that I've been doing actually do a video as well as the podcast
00:41because they have a YouTube channel and they want to throw it on there as well.
00:45I think that's awesome.
00:47Hopefully they share it with me.
00:48Nobody has yet, but I'd like to put them out there for you to see as well.
00:53You know, this one was a little bit different.
00:55And I'm going to invite you to listen to it.
01:00They did do a video as well, which they'll share on their YouTube channel.
01:04And they're going to share a link with me and I'm going to share that link with you.
01:08The way this one was different is they just wanted me to talk.
01:14So I did what came naturally.
01:16I started at the beginning of my life and worked my way forward until I reached where I am today.
01:23They basically said, we're going to count backward.
01:26Five, four, three, two, one.
01:28When we get to zero, we're going to start recording and we just want you to talk.
01:33Now, I'm used to something a little different.
01:35I normally do the Q&A.
01:39So this one was a forum that I had completely not prepared for the format.
01:43So I didn't know I was just going to be talking.
01:47I talked for two hours.
01:49I asked my wife when I was done what time it was.
01:52I started at 10 o'clock this morning.
01:54She said, I think it's close to noon.
01:57And I'm like, I talked for two hours.
01:59And she said, I think you did.
02:02And I'm like, wow, you know, and then the next thing I was thinking was, oh, did I do a
02:10good job?
02:11Did I represent this new life I have in Christ in the way I should have?
02:18Was my story even interesting?
02:21Did I say the right things, whatever the right things are?
02:25Should I have said something differently?
02:28Was I too much?
02:31Was I not enough?
02:33You know, sometimes you walk away from something feeling like you nailed it.
02:39Other times you wonder if it nailed you.
02:44And I think that feeling gets stronger when you know people are actually listening.
02:49You know, when your words travel farther than the room you're sitting in,
02:53you start to feel the weight of them.
02:55You realize that somebody somewhere may hear one sentence you said and carry it with them.
03:04Because you see, sometimes people are only hanging on by a string.
03:10You never know when you're the string.
03:14And that can make you question yourself when you feel the weight of that.
03:19You know, there are moments when I look at the reach my words have and think,
03:24God, did you really mean to choose me for this?
03:28I mean, we reach millions of people worldwide every single day.
03:32And when this started, we were just reaching the camera and whatever we were uploading.
03:38But I want to ask you something.
03:43Have you ever wondered something similar about your own life?
03:47Maybe not in front of a microphone.
03:50Maybe it's in your family.
03:52Maybe at work.
03:54Maybe with your children.
03:56Maybe with somebody who looks to you for encouragement.
04:01Maybe you know people are watching your life.
04:04And you wonder whether you're doing enough to show them who Christ really is.
04:10And then I get to thinking about Peter.
04:15And Peter's my example I go to for quite a few things.
04:19He was one of the men closest to Jesus.
04:22Yet, he was not some calm, flawless, perfectly measured person.
04:29Neither am I.
04:31Peter spoke quickly.
04:33He reacted emotionally.
04:34And he made promises he could not always keep.
04:39He told Jesus that even if everyone else fell away, he would not.
04:46Then Jesus was arrested.
04:48And the pressure came.
04:50Fear took over.
04:52And Peter denied knowing him three times.
04:56Imagine what that night must have felt like when it was over.
05:00You think Peter asked himself,
05:03God, did you really mean to choose me?
05:07You know, Peter had said the wrong thing at the worst possible moment.
05:12He had failed publicly.
05:14He had failed personally.
05:17He had failed the one he loved the most.
05:21And if anybody had a reason to wonder, did I just disqualify myself?
05:27It was Peter.
05:28But after the resurrection, Jesus went back to him.
05:33And Jesus did not pretend Peter had never failed.
05:38He did not tell him that what happened did not matter.
05:43Peter, he restored him.
05:45In John 21, Jesus asked Peter, do you love me?
05:51And Peter said, yes.
05:53And Jesus told him, feed my sheep.
05:58That has always struck me.
06:00You know, Jesus knew everything Peter had done.
06:04And he still gave Peter something to do.
06:08He still trusted him with people.
06:12He still gave him a purpose.
06:15So maybe the question is not whether we always say everything perfectly.
06:21Maybe the question is whether our heart still belongs to Christ.
06:26Because Jesus never seemed interested in building his kingdom with people who could pretend they never struggled.
06:35He chose people whose lives showed what grace could do.
06:41And that matters to me.
06:43That applies to me.
06:45Because when I look back over my own life, I can see things I would never have chosen.
06:52I can see moments I never want to repeat.
06:56And I can see versions of myself that I am grateful God did not allow me to remain.
07:05And now, when I tell my story, I'm not telling it because every part of it makes me look good.
07:13I'm telling it because somewhere in that story, you can see what God has done.
07:20And you know what?
07:21The more I think about it, and I talk to you now, I think maybe that's enough.
07:27You know, being yourself does not mean making everything about yourself.
07:34Maybe it means refusing to manufacture some polished Christian version of yourself that never existed.
07:42It means telling the truth about where you were, what you learned, where you failed, where God met you, and
07:52how Christ changed the direction of your life.
07:56You know, Jesus once healed a man who had lived through terrible suffering.
08:02The man wanted to go with him afterwards, but Jesus told him to go home and tell people what the
08:11Lord had done for him.
08:13And I love that because Jesus did not tell him to become impressive first.
08:19He told him to tell the truth.
08:22That man had a story.
08:25And that was enough to begin.
08:29I think that sometimes we make testimony harder than it needs to be because we think we have to say
08:36everything perfectly and have some big bang story where everything was falling apart.
08:42We were completely horrible.
08:44Christ came into our lives and now we live perfectly and everything's great.
08:47You know, the strongest thing you may ever say to another person might simply be,
08:54This is where I was and this is what Christ has done in me.
09:01Not because you have every answer.
09:03Not because you never doubt yourself.
09:06Not because you never walk away from a conversation wondering whether you could have done better.
09:12But because your life is evidence that God is still working in real people.
09:19You know, I still wonder sometimes whether I say the right things.
09:24Right now as I'm discussing this with you, I'm wondering, am I saying the right things?
09:29Am I sounding okay?
09:30You know what?
09:31I need to quit worrying about that kind of stuff and just be myself and say what's in my heart.
09:37You know, but I wonder whether I represent Christ well enough.
09:42I wonder whether somebody else could just do this job better and I need to step away.
09:49But maybe those questions don't mean I'm unqualified.
09:53Maybe they just mean that I care.
09:58Maybe they mean that I understand that words matter.
10:02And maybe the lesson is to not stop caring.
10:07But to stop expecting perfection from myself and others and just be willing to be used.
10:17And that's what I'm trying to be, but it's tough sometimes.
10:21You know, Peter was not finished when he failed.
10:25He was still becoming the man Christ had called him to be.
10:30And so are you.
10:33So am I.
10:34And if you have a story, I encourage you to tell it.
10:39Not like a performance and not like you're trying to impress somebody.
10:43Tell it like somebody who knows where you have been and knows who brought you through it.
10:50You know, there will always be something you wish you had said better.
10:54There will always be moments when you wonder how people received you, how people received me.
11:02But you cannot spend your life editing yesterday.
11:07You can only be faithful to today.
11:10And when you belong to Christ, your story does not have to be perfect to have purpose.
11:17Because it just has to be true.
11:21And I want to thank you for allowing me to kind of unload this on you today.
11:26Because I was doubting myself.
11:28But, you know, one thing I can always count on is Jesus Christ.
11:33And that showing up here every day and having a conversation with you always seems to make my life better.
11:43I can't explain it, but you have that sort of purpose.
11:48And you have that effect on me.
11:51And I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so good to me.
11:56I love every single one of you.
12:00My name is Douglas Vandergraaf, and I believe in Jesus Christ.
12:05God bless every single one of you.
12:09Every single one.
12:11And everyone you love.
12:15Bye-bye.
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