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00:00Lift up your dress, he murmured a command, legs apart, let me see, one more time, my face was
00:07burning and I told him he had no shame, he'd just laugh once, be good, soon enough I'd used sweet
00:15talk and gotten four years of college tuition out of him, if I disappeared one day what would you
00:19do, he smiled but his voice went cold, babe don't joke about that, I don't like it, nothing sets me
00:24off like being talked to in that tone, I deleted him on the spot, later by pure coincidence Chloe
00:28and I both landed spots in the same luxury group's maiden voyage training program, on embarkation day
00:32the heir to the whole group came aboard for an inspection, I was standing at the very back of
00:35the crowd, I looked up and saw a face I knew better than my own, before I could even process
00:38it, I watched
00:39the man's gaze land on Chloe's face and his eyes change, the man I dated online for three years
00:44suddenly standing right in front of me, the shock was too much, my mind went blank for a few seconds
00:50by the time I came back to myself, he had stopped walking, the next second he was heading straight
00:56toward us, my heart was pounding out of my chest, even lifting my eyes felt like a risk, his features
01:01were sharp, expressionless, cold radiated off every inch of him, he was wearing a black shirt I'd seen
01:07in his photos, broad shoulders exposed beneath his cuff, clean lines, restrained but str- Julian Ashfield
01:13he was taller than his pictures and better looking too, the supervisor whispered to us, Julian was here
01:19to inspect the maiden voyage training program, he told everyone not to be nervous, Julian would
01:25never notice new hires like us, the words had barely left her mouth, Julian's steps slowed half a
01:30beat, without warning a cuff cluck slipped loose from his wrist, it hit the floor and bounced twice,
01:34rolled right past my feet and came to a dead stop at Chloe's, everything around us went quiet,
01:38Julian stopped in front of us, or to be exact in front of Chloe, the two of them stood face
01:42to face,
01:42barely a step apart, one was cold, the other dazzling, they looked good together, I quieted my own
01:47breathing, only one thought left in my head, they made quite a pair, the assistant saw what happened,
01:52he moved at once to pick up the cufflink, but Julian raised a hand, he was unhurried to stop him,
01:56Chloe blinked, like she understood something instantly, she bent down and picked up the cufflink,
02:02Mr. Ashford, you dropped this, her face a little flushed, Julian didn't take it right away, instead
02:08he lowered his eyes and took two steps closer to her, I was standing nearest to Chloe, as he came
02:13closer,
02:14a faint trace of woody fragrance drift over, I knew that scent too well, it was the one year
02:19anniversary gift I'd picked out for him myself, I'd gone to store after store, testing them one
02:23by one, before I finally settled on that exact one, I pressed my lips together, and tilted my head and
02:29glanced without a change in a passion, Julian was looking at Chloe, his gaze was deep, like he truly
02:34found something he'd lost, like he was holding something down, Mr. Ashford, Chloe stood there with
02:39her hand out, when he still didn't react, Julian seemed to come back to himself, he cleared his
02:45throat and reached out to take the cufflink, his fingertips grazed lightly across Chloe's palm,
02:51Chloe, then he said her name in a low voice, yes, I'm Chloe, Mr. Ashford, Julian was quiet for two
02:57seconds, he stared at her a moment longer, only then did he turn and walk away, not until he was
03:03far
03:03gone, did I dare to breathe, I reached back and touched my spine, soaked in cold sweat, I sat back
03:09down at my station and spaced out for a long while, then I took out my phone and searched the
03:14name
03:14Julian Ashford, a whole string of shipping and finance headlines about him popped up instantly,
03:20my heart dropped, the heir to the group rarely came aboard in person, and the moment he did,
03:25he'd zeroed in on a new hire, and that was a young, pretty new hire, everyone around us caught
03:30the scent of gossip immediately, they all crowded in, I don't know Julian, that was the first time
03:35I've ever met him, but it just came back to me that we might go to the same high school,
03:38I was the
03:39school queen back then, so many boys in school had a thing for me, the people around her picked it
03:43right
03:43up, within a few lines they'd spun her a whole story about a secret crush stretching from those
03:47school days to now, the entire staff training deck was buzzing, Chloe cut them off, laughing,
03:54whatever they said after that, I didn't hear a single word, years ago, my mom worked as a live-in
04:00housekeeper at Chloe's house, once, Chloe lost a bet with some others, so they goanded her into
04:05having my mom steal my diary for her, that diary was full of the person I secretly liked, then she
04:10posted the pages on the school bolitaire board, photographed them and put them on the school
04:13forum too, after that day everyone who passed me in the hall gave me that same look of disgust,
04:17back then I truly hated her, so I stole her photos and her name and went around fooling people,
04:21when I got into a fight in an online game I said my name was Chloe, when I started trouble
04:24on a
04:24forum I said my name was Chloe, anytime I made a mess and someone came asking I gave them her
04:28name,
04:29and I waited, waited for the day someone would trace those accounts back to her and get back at
04:33her, hard, but before that day ever came, I met Julian first, Julian was a man with real breathing,
04:38measured in his words and always patient with people, and more than generous, the only problem
04:42was his sexual appetite, don't be fooled by how cold and detached he'd look standing there just now,
04:47I knew exactly what he was like in private, during those years we dated online, except the early days,
04:51I spent night after night listening and breathing heavily on the other end of the video call,
04:53saying filthy things in that same proper composed voice to use the heart of that contrast hit,
04:57some nights it left my ears burning and I couldn't help telling him he had no shame,
05:01he never got angry, just laughed low twice and went back to coax him, he insisted on meeting in person,
05:06and it wasn't until that very moment that it hit me, this whole time the identity I'd been using
05:12was Chloe's, I scrambled back through our chat history, my heart had been hanging by a thread,
05:20when I saw those words my name is Chloe it dropped all the way down, all those things said late
05:24at night,
05:24all that closeness through a screen, all those moments when I'd actually let myself believe I
05:28was loved, every last one of them, built on a lie, even my name was fake, when I finally lifted
05:32my
05:32head the girl in the mirror had eyes swollen from crying, and suddenly I sobered up, I was just an
05:37ordinary person, I didn't have Chloe's appearance, didn't have her background, didn't have that unshakable
05:41confidence of the kind that never once doubts herself, if I hadn't used her photos a man like
05:45Julian would never have looked at me twice, in the end I forced down that ache in my chest, I
05:49sent him a
05:49sentence, I'm sorry, and deleted him, three days after I cut contact Julian sent me an email, just one short
05:55line, even through the screen I could feel that panic of being left behind, too bad, I wasn't Chloe, the
06:01thought hit me, and my back went tight all at once, I looked up to find everyone around me staring,
06:06what is it?
06:07I forced to smile, they just smiled and said nothing, Nina didn't you hear just now, everyone wants to try
06:11the new ice milkshakes at the drink station, it's just over by the crew cafe, not far at all, new
06:14hires
06:14getting ordered around was nothing unusual, it was just that Chloe always knew how to fit in with these
06:18people, and all because of the way Julian had looked at her earlier, I looked at her, then at the
06:22people
06:22standing behind her, they stood by, looking like if I dared refuse, they'd step in on her behalf, in the
06:27end, I nodded, fine, Chloe was very pleased that I knew my place, as she turned away with a smile,
06:35Nina's
06:35been good at this kind of thing since she was little, so if anyone needs Erin's run, she's your
06:39guy, every new place Chloe went, she made sure to tell everyone that my mom had once been her
06:43family's housekeeper, all these years that had never changed, I was long used to it, besides, I wanted
06:51out of there anyway, I ignored her and turned to leave, but at that moment, I walked straight into a
06:56man, I looked up, it was the assistant who'd been following Julian earlier, he looked like he was in a
07:02hurry, he shoved me aside with one hand, I had no time to brace, I stumbled backward and my knee
07:07slammed hard into the corner of a desk, the pain nearly took me off my feet, he didn't offer even
07:12a word of apology, he strode to quickly up to the supervisor, excuse me, which one of you is Chloe
07:18Sinclair, Mr. Ashfield is asking for, the moment Chloe heard her own name and heard it was Julian
07:21asking for her, she came rushing over, that's me, I'm Chloe, what is it, the assistant looked her up and
07:27down, his tone turned a shade more polite, the top deck VIP concierge team is short-staffed,
07:32Mr. Ashfield, you'd go up and help out for a while, Chloe froze for a second, me, Mr. Ashfield
07:36sent you for me, personally, the assistant frowned slightly, but he nodded, yes, it's you, get your
07:40things and come with me, Chloe covered her mouth, unable to hide the delight on her face, even her
07:44steps were quicker, I don't have much, I can go right now, good, follow me, Chloe smiled, lips pressed
07:48together, before leaving, she deliberately walked around to my side, and she said with perfect innocent
07:52face, Nina, please move aside, I'm heading up to the top deck, you keep at it, maybe in 10 years
07:57we'll be
07:57working up from my knee, and quietly on the same floor again, I said nothing, Chloe walked away in her
08:01heels,
08:01following the assistant out with a bright smile, the second she was gone, the whole crowd erupted,
08:06oh my god, is she actually about to marry into the Ashford family, even if she doesn't, at least
08:10she'll be at Julian's side for a while, didn't you see it earlier, you couldn't stop staring at me,
08:13Nina, didn't you two come in together, do you know what's really going on between her and Julian,
08:16I shook my head, no idea, Chloe went up to the top deck, all of a sudden, I was the
08:20only new hire
08:21left on the staff training deck, they gossiped about her for a while, then quickly got bored of it,
08:25and turned their attention back to me, Nina, didn't you promise to get everyone drinks,
08:28you didn't forget, did you, Nina, I've got to check on this guest list for me first,
08:29and sort out the number on these welcome gift boxes while you're at it, and the gala dinner
08:31place cards need to be verified by tonight, before long, the files on my desk had piled
08:35into a small mountain, by the time I'd cleared through all of it, it was past eight at night,
08:40I stretched, and finally had a moment to pick up my phone,
08:46my dad's messes popped up immediately,
08:54I stared at the screen for a long time,
08:56my fingers were hovering over the keyboard with no idea what to say back,
08:59in the end, I just sighed,
09:01and opened up selfie three-hours show media,
09:03in the photo, she stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows on the top deck,
09:07grinning at the camera, bold and bright,
09:10my finger paused, but I couldn't help it,
09:12I tapped the photo open, in the reflection of the glass stood the silhouette of a man,
09:16he was on the other side of the room, turned in profile, as if lost in thought,
09:19even as nothing but a small blurred shatter calves instantly, it was Julian,
09:22I stared at that photo for a long time, until a voice came from above me,
09:25it's this late, what are you still doing?
09:26I was startled, shot to my feet, and grabbed the metal hole punch off the desk without thinking,
09:30standing in front of me was a short, heavy-hast man,
09:31he wore black-framed glasses, looking at me with open curiosity,
09:34I froze mid-motion, the longer I looked, the more familiar he seemed,
09:36it took me a moment to remember him, the supervisor had introduced him before,
09:39one of Julian's assistants, surnamed Charlie,
09:41I hurriedly set the thing down, and explained, a little embarrassed,
09:45I had some work to finish, I'm leaving right now,
09:47I see,
09:47assistant Charlie was clutching his stomach,
09:49two steps later, as if remembering something, he looked back at me,
09:52okay, you have a driver's license, right, can you drive?
09:54I blinked, then nodded, yes, before I could finish,
09:57his eyes lit up, and he tossed the car keys straight into my hands,
10:00perfect, my stomach is killing me, and Julian's car is parked outside the Porf,
10:03I'll send you the location, just drive it over to the VIP shutter point for me,
10:06please, I'll treat you dinner sometime, once you're done,
10:08head back to the ship on your own, the company will reimburse your cab face,
10:11I stared at the keys in my hand, completely lost,
10:15I waved my hands frantically,
10:17no, I can't, I,
10:19assistant Charlie was too busy to listen to me,
10:23clutching his stomach,
10:24he bolted straight into the restroom,
10:26I stood there for a while,
10:28assistant Charlie never came back out,
10:30in the end, I accepted my fate,
10:31took the keys, and went ashore,
10:33the night before the maiden voidage,
10:35the cruise ship was still docked in port,
10:37I pressed the key fob,
10:38not far off, a black luxury sedan lit up,
10:41I paused, walked a full circle around the car first,
10:44only then did I open the door and slide into the driver's seat,
10:46I buckled my seatbelt,
10:47and reached up to adjust the rear view mirror,
10:49the next second, through the mirror,
10:50I saw a man sitting in the back seat,
10:52his eyes right closed,
10:53he looked cold, but with an edge of laziness underneath,
10:55like he'd been drinking,
10:56my mind went blank,
10:57almost instantly, I clapped a hand over the rear view mirror,
11:00a hallucination,
11:00it had to be a hallucination,
11:02that's what I told myself,
11:03then I couldn't help it,
11:04I peeked through the gap between my fingers,
11:06in the mirror, the man had opened his eyes,
11:07those dark, unreceevaled eyes were fixed on me,
11:09I nearly stopped breathing on the spot,
11:11my hands locked onto the steering wheel,
11:13it was too late to open the door and get out now,
11:15he'd probably think I was trying to steal the car,
11:17so I forced myself to speak,
11:19keeping my voice low,
11:20Mr. Ashfield,
11:21Assistant Charlie wasn't feeling well,
11:23he asked me to drive the car to the shuttle area,
11:25I didn't know you were inside,
11:26he looked at me for a few seconds,
11:27then withdrew his gaze and gave a faint response,
11:30and immediately closed his eyes again,
11:31I let out a small breath of relief,
11:33but before I could fully exhale,
11:35another problem hit me,
11:36I turned the key over in my hand,
11:37searching for a slot,
11:38how could I start to find one,
11:39sweat was practically beating on my forehead,
11:41you can't drive,
11:42at that instant,
11:43his voice came from the back seat,
11:45I sat bolt upright,
11:47I was caught between a nod and a shake,
11:49in the end,
11:50I mumbled,
11:51a little,
11:51the truth was,
11:52I could drive an ordinary car,
11:54but I'd never so much as touch the car like this,
11:56when I get nervous,
11:57I pick at my fingers,
11:58that habit stayed with me all these years,
12:00now my mind was blank,
12:02and my fingers had already twisted together on their own,
12:04Mr. Ashford,
12:04before I could finish,
12:06I realized his gaze had dropped to my hands,
12:08a chill went down my back,
12:10I moved to pull my hands away,
12:11but he had already looked off out the window,
12:13his throat bobbed once,
12:14the car suddenly fell quiet,
12:15I secretly took out even finished typing,
12:17a shadowed look up had us down at my side,
12:19that faint woody scent wrapped around me in an instant,
12:21his voice was right against me,
12:22his warm breath grazed past my ear,
12:24my whole body went rigid,
12:25too close,
12:26close enough that I could feel the heat coming off him,
12:27close enough that I didn't dare to breathe,
12:29but Julian only stayed there a few seconds,
12:30then,
12:31as if nothing had happened,
12:31he leaned back into his seat,
12:33his expression was perfectly calm,
12:34like he really had just wanted to show me how to start the car,
12:36I barely managed to steady myself,
12:38and started the car the way he'd showed me,
12:40the whole drive,
12:41neither of us said another word,
12:43finally,
12:44we reached the shuttle area,
12:45I unbuckled my seatbelt almost instantly,
12:48without waiting for him to respond,
12:50I pushed the door open and got out,
12:51turned and hurried off,
12:53I never noticed the gaze that stayed fixed on my back the whole time,
12:57that didn't move for a long while,
12:59that night,
13:01I had a whole night of restless tangled dreams,
13:03early the next morning,
13:05I splashed some water on my face,
13:07and headed back to the ship,
13:08two dark circles under my eyes,
13:10the moment I stepped onto the staff training deck,
13:13I saw Chloe,
13:14who was supposed to be up on the top deck,
13:16sitting in the middle of the crowd,
13:17laughing happily,
13:19yes,
13:19Julian told me to come back down for now,
13:21her voice was still soft,
13:23her makeup still flawless,
13:24he said since I'm new,
13:25I shouldn't stay up on the top deck the whole time,
13:27that I should at least get to know the people down here first,
13:29he even said he was worried I'd have trouble settling in on my own,
13:33just as she said it,
13:33her eyes landed on me,
13:35she got up at once,
13:36came over all warmly,
13:37and linked her arm through mine,
13:38Nina I'm back,
13:39aren't you happy to see me,
13:40the moment she talked to me in that tone,
13:42I knew she was looking to make me the story again,
13:44I hadn't slept well the night before to begin with,
13:47the thought had barely surfaced,
13:48when I'd already pulled my arm back on instinct,
13:50everything around us went quiet,
13:52no one spoke,
13:53Chloe was still smiling at me,
13:54only her eyes had gone a shade colder,
13:56thankfully,
13:58the supervisor walked in soon after,
14:00it cut through the tension in time,
14:03everyone's here right,
14:03good timing,
14:04there's an internal welcome party tonight,
14:06a proper welcome aboard for Nina and Chloe,
14:08the moment she said it,
14:09the people around us perked right up,
14:12someone asked immediately,
14:13will Julian be there,
14:15the supervisor waved a hand,
14:16he's busy,
14:17he may not come,
14:18no need to be so tense about it,
14:19just have a good time,
14:20everyone laughed at that,
14:21and the mood loosened right up,
14:23I lowered my head,
14:24and swallowed back the refusal I'd been about to get,
14:27that evening,
14:27I'd gotten my skirt dirty hauling files at moon,
14:30so I went back to the crew quarters to change first,
14:32by the time I made it to the crew bar,
14:34things had already been in full wishing for over an hour,
14:37I pushed the door open,
14:38the lighting inside was dim,
14:40the music was a little loud,
14:41I looked up and saw Julian there,
14:42he was still in that black suit sitting in the back,
14:44with a barely touched drink in his hand,
14:46the supervisor had specifically said he might not come,
14:49my steps stopped dead,
14:50but the supervisor had sharp eyes and spotted me right away,
14:53Nina,
14:53what took you so long,
14:54come in,
14:55you're the last one,
14:56a few people nearby turned to look too,
14:58I was already standing in the doorway,
15:00nowhere to hide,
15:01so I steeled myself and walked in,
15:03coming,
15:03I could feel it,
15:05Julian seemed to turn toward me too,
15:06but I didn't dare look up,
15:08all I wanted was to find the seat farthest away and sit down,
15:11I'd taken all of two steps,
15:13sit here,
15:14you're late,
15:15so this is the only spot left,
15:16I followed the direction she was pointing,
15:18it was right beside Julian,
15:20I couldn't get a single word out,
15:22because the supervisor had already pressed me down into the seat,
15:25at least Julian was turned away,
15:27talking to the person on his other side,
15:29like he hadn't noticed me,
15:30so I could only sit there,
15:32rigid,
15:33I'd barely settled in,
15:34and the person beside me shifted,
15:36Julian shifted in his seat,
15:38the fabric of his slacks brushed lightly against my calf,
15:41my whole body froze,
15:43I quickly pulled my legs back,
15:45put some distance between us,
15:46less than half a minute of quiet,
15:48and that faint sense of touch came again,
15:50Julian moved again,
15:51that cool fabric grazed my leg again,
15:53I held my breath,
15:54but I couldn't stop myself from turning to glance at him,
15:57only to find him still talking to the person beside him,
15:59his expression was perfectly planed,
16:01like he hadn't noticed a thing,
16:02so I lowered my head,
16:03and pressed my knees tighter together,
16:05I silently prayed for all of this to be over soon,
16:08but the next second,
16:09Julian's knee pressed against mine,
16:11not hard,
16:11not light,
16:12through two layers of fabric,
16:14that small trace of warmth still drew my whole body tight,
16:17I had nowhere left to retreat,
16:19he still didn't look at me,
16:22just lowered his head and took a sip of his drink,
16:24he lifted his arm and brushed lightly against my shoulder again,
16:28I stood up all at once,
16:30my voice came out a little strained,
16:32I'm going to the restroom,
16:34I practically fled to the restroom,
16:37the corridor outside was much quieter,
16:39I walked up to the sink and turned on the tip,
16:41cold water ran over my fingers,
16:44but I still couldn't get my heartbeat down,
16:46then footsteps came from behind me,
16:48I looked up,
16:50in the mirror I saw a figure stop in the doorway,
16:52hands in his pockets,
16:54he just stood there,
16:56unhairy,
16:57my scalp preckled,
16:58Mr. Ashford,
16:59did you need the restroom too?
17:00he looked at me and answered,
17:03flat and simple,
17:05no,
17:06for a moment I didn't chime in,
17:08he was already walking towards me,
17:11he stopped very close,
17:13what are you hiding from?
17:15I shook my head at once,
17:17nothing,
17:17Nina,
17:18he looked at me in the mirror,
17:20his tone bland,
17:21like he was asking about something perfectly ordinary,
17:23is there any part of me you haven't already seen?
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