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Don't Be Shy: Our Secret Night es una obra o contenido de temática LGBT (generalmente asociado con relatos, videos o producciones independientes de tipo Boys' Love/gay).
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00:00stand up straight you look like you're apologizing for existing the harringtons are going to be there
00:06patricia's son just got into georgetown tuck in your shirt and for god's sake smile when they
00:10talk to you it's not hard vanilla oat latte is pretty unbeatable vanilla oat latte for the guy
00:15in the corner you look like you haven't slept which means either something terrible happened
00:18or something interesting happened and honestly i'm hoping for interesting i have known you since
00:22the seventh grade you have exactly one tell and it's that you get very quiet and very red when
00:25you're keeping something you are currently both a guy at a cafe gave you his number like he's always
00:29been there this is insane i forgot how my face worked you're cute when you blush you remembered
00:35my order after school you're the easiest part of my week jackson i'm gay that's the first time i've
00:42ever god then let them get unstuck whenever they're ready i'm not going anywhere every room i walked
00:46to felt like a place i needed to escape from it's perfect go with me saturday next week like a
00:51date
00:52family has obligation at jackson you don't get to drift off whenever you feel like social for once
00:56in europe he's the first person who ever made me feel like i wasn't i've been standing in hollows and
01:01saying nothing for 17 years
01:14stand up straight you look like you're apologizing for existing
01:22the harringtons are going to be there patricia's son just got into georgetown like furniture jackson
01:29i'll try you'll try that's what you said at easter and then you sat in the corner for two hours
01:37tuck in your shirt and for god's sake smile when they talk to you it's not hard
01:51you look fine son you're what i've been out to you barrack
01:59anywhere you like hon hey the corner table just opened up
02:05first time here yeah the house drip is solid or if you want something that tastes like a hug
02:10a vanilla oat latte is pretty unbeatable the second one good call
02:15vanilla oat latte for the guy in the corner thanks i'm rowan by the way in case you come back
02:43you look like you haven't slept which means either something terrible happened or something
02:46interesting happened and honestly i'm hoping for interesting nothing happened liar you've checked
02:50your phone three times since i sat down and you hate your phone
02:55see that's suspicious behavior spill there's nothing to jackson i have known you since the
03:00seventh grade you have exactly one tell and it's that you get very quiet and very red when you're
03:04keeping something you are currently both
03:10someone gave you their number a guy at a cafe a guy at a cafe gave you his number and
03:17you're sitting
03:17here eating a sad sandwich instead of texting him i don't know what to say jason has a love interest
03:22and
03:22he's being a coward about it hey
03:43he already knows who you are he texted you
03:54he already knows who you are he already knows who you are he texted you
03:56high olor
04:02high fat
04:14high
04:15low
04:37It's going in the zero.
04:52Ah, fashion, show the movie.
04:57Hi, you.
04:59You've been weird all morning, weirder than usual.
05:02And your usual is already a solid 8 to 10 on the weird out of squint.
05:06I'm fine.
05:07Jackson, you were smiling in the hallway this morning.
05:09I almost called 91-1.
05:13You walked into a doorframe second period.
05:16Ms. Churn asked if you needed the nurse.
05:17The doorframe was poorly placed.
05:21Since when?
05:22I don't know.
05:23I just, I looked up and he was there by the lockers.
05:27Like he's always been there.
05:29This is insane.
05:30This is a movie.
05:31What did he do?
05:32Did he talk to you?
05:33He mouched high at me across the hall.
05:36Oh my God, you actually like him.
05:39I'm going to pass out.
05:42Remy.
05:44Did you say hi back?
05:47I forgot how my face worked.
05:49You.
05:50His shot.
06:00Don't do this.
06:04I have to.
06:07Dad, I was scared, Dad.
06:12I had to.
06:34I was scared, Dad.
06:38Hmm.
06:38That's a new one I wasn't I just forgot something your lockers behind me
06:46right I
06:47Just I think maybe we shouldn't talk at school. It's complicated
06:51Because of Bryce he's not the boss of who I talked to and he's definitely not the boss of you
06:57You texted me until one in the morning last night now. You can't look at me. It's different in person
07:05Why because in person you're you
07:09You're cute when you blush, you know that?
07:16I've got you Rowan yeah, I have to class see you around Jackson
07:31What whatever you think is happening with Rowan it's not I
07:36Don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, you do
07:38I see the way you look at him, and I see the way he looks at you. It's pathetic
07:43Hey, just in the neighborhood thought I'd grab a coffee
08:11I'll look who it is. Hey, I was just around
08:17Sure you were honey
08:20Should I serve this?
08:24Sit anywhere. I'll bring you something. I can just order at the sit anywhere
08:32Vanilla latte extra foam remembered from last time
08:36You remembered my order after school everything with Bryce. I didn't want to make things harder for you
08:42You're the easiest part of my week Jackson
08:45Noted
08:47Don't go yet
08:49You have to work, so stay read something
08:53Look pretty by the window
08:54Look pretty by the window. Just stay
09:27Nice shirt by the way
09:51Nice shirt by the way
09:52Are you whispering on purpose or is that just your thing?
09:55I'm my mom's downstairs. I don't want her to
09:57Say no more covert operation. I can do covert
10:00So Jess literally threw a dish towel at my head and told me to stop smiling like an idiot
10:05Apparently I was scaring customers
10:08Were you?
10:09Probably
10:09I couldn't stop thinking about you sitting in that blue shirt looking at me like I said something in a
10:12foreign language
10:12You whispered in my ear in public my brain shut down
10:15Can I ask you something and you don't have to answer
10:17Okay
10:18When you came into the cafe that first time were you just looking for coffee or were you looking for
10:22somewhere to hide?
10:23Both I think
10:24Yeah, I get that
10:25Do you?
10:26Jackson I'm gay
10:27I've known since I was 14 and for about two years every room I walked to felt like a place
10:31I needed to escape from
10:32I've never said it out loud
10:33You don't have to not right now
10:34No, I want to I just the words get stuck
10:36Then let them get unstuck whenever they're ready
10:38I'm not going anywhere
10:39I'm gay
10:41That's the first time I've ever
10:43God
10:44Hey
10:45You okay?
10:46I don't know
10:47Yeah, I think so
10:49So here's the thing
10:50There's this place the Starlight Cinema over on Birch Street
10:53They do these Saturday matinees
10:54Old movies, terrible popcorn seats that creak
10:58It's perfect
10:59Go with me Saturday
11:00Next week
11:01Like a date?
11:03Exactly like a date
11:04Specifically a date
11:04With me
11:05Where I buy you popcorn and you pretend not to be nervous
11:07And I printed not to stare at you the whole time
11:09Yes
11:10Was that a yes?
11:11Saturday, one o'clock
11:12I'll be the guy standing outside looking unreasonably happy
11:14Okay, goodnight Jackson
11:15Goodnight
11:20Mom?
11:21Hmm
11:22So Saturday, a few people from school are doing a study group at the library for the History Midmer
11:26I was thinking I'd go
11:27Which people?
11:28You've never once voluntarily attended a study group
11:31Mr. Pemberton said the midter team's gonna be brutal
11:34I figured
11:35You figured?
11:36What library?
11:37For how long?
11:38The public one
11:38On Elm
11:39A few hours, maybe
11:41No
11:42Saturday is family dinner
11:43I've already called Aunt Christine
11:44You'll be addressed properly by sick
11:45You didn't mention any dinner until right
11:47This family has obligation at Jackson
11:48You don't get to drift off whenever you feel like social for once in your
11:52Okay
11:52To beany
11:52But
12:11Goём
12:15W
12:25can i come in yeah i heard everything the other night your mother on the phone with you
12:32the things she said about saturday dad dad let me finish please i've been standing in
12:39hall woes and saying nothing for 17 years i told myself i was keeping the peace but
12:44there's no peace in this house is there tell me about it what his name is rowan he works at
12:50a
12:50cafe he goes to my school he's the first person who ever made me feel like i wasn't too much
12:56or too little just enough then you should go see him tomorrow
13:06i need you to pick up the wine by four and make sure jackson wears the navy blazer the charcoal
13:10one makes him look solid sort of sit down we need to talk about the mortgage refinances what about
13:14it the rate lock expires monday i've been going back and forth with the bank and i need you to
13:19look at the numbers now before they close can't this wait it cannot
13:29you came i came i bought these three days ago just in case you're shaking i know nervous
13:39terrified but i'm here that's the bravest thing anyone's ever said to me
13:48i've never done this before gone to the movies i'm really glad you came hey whatever happens
13:53tonight was real you don't have to go in alone text me when you're safe i mean it i'm sorry
13:58you're sorry you vanished for six hours on i specifically told you we had plans and you're
14:03sorry jackson stop apologizing for having a life i wanted to be the person you had nowhere else to be
14:08with the cafe was the first time i was brave enough the shy boy kissed me under a marquee
14:12being gay makes it sexuality is used ammunition he traded my secret for poppy like it was a baseball
14:16card keep your boyfriend out of my face or i'll make sure everyone knows exactly what kind of family
14:22i got stuck with i'm not going anywhere then don't just stay he couldn't form sentences for a solid week
14:28he traded your secret like nothing i won't ever the least you can do is retire the hoodie with the
14:33bleach stain this isn't about rowan my dad's marrying his mom next spring i have to live with him
14:37so are you guys coming to the dance together or what yeah we're going as a group being out is
14:41about bravery jackson beside you matter that what you feel matters and then doing it scared anyway
14:45pulled my hand away in there it wasn't because i didn't want to it's because i wanted to so badly
14:48it scared me then take your time so popcorn sweet or salty i either's fine nope you don't get to
14:56either's find me on our first date pick one sweet sweet it is
15:03i got both mixed life's too short for compromise that is literally a compromise oh so you are funny
15:10i knew it you can breathe you know it's not a test i know i just i've never done this
15:17before
15:17gone to the movies gone anywhere with someone who wanted me there
15:26well get used to it
15:34i have no idea what that movie was about honestly me neither jackson i'm really glad you came can i
15:47oh yeah oh hey whatever happens tonight was real
16:01you don't have to go in alone yeah i do tonight was
16:08i know
16:11text me when you're safe i mean it
16:22i said sit where were you i told dad i went to the movies
16:29your dad told me he sent you to pick up dry cleaning the shop closes at four
16:33it's 9 15 so either your dad lied to me or you both did
16:39mom don't i called you 14 times 14 you think that's acceptable
16:43my phone was on silent i'm sorry you're sorry you vanished for six hours on i specifically told
16:48you we had plans and you're sorry
16:51go to your room we'll discuss this tomorrow when i've decided what to do with you
17:02how bad
17:04she knows you lied about the dry cleaning i'll handle your mother
17:07that's my problem not yours
17:09dad i'm sorry i didn't mean for you to jackson
17:11stop apologizing for having a life was it good the movie yeah it was really good good
17:19get some sleep
17:23i've been watching you at school for months did i ever tell you that since september
17:28you sat in the courtyard reading and the wind kept turning your pages and you just you had
17:31nowhere else to be
17:34i wanted to be the person you had nowhere else to be with you were scared to talk to me
17:37the confident barista was terrified terrified the cafe was the first time i was brave enough
17:43jess dared me to write my number i almost did the shy boy kissed me under a marquee
17:47people surprise you this is real and that makes everything harder
17:58you've been weird since we sat down i haven't been weird you've reorganized the sugar packets three times
18:04there's stuff i haven't told you about my family about why bryce is the way he is my mom's been
18:12dating his dad for about a year he's moved in together last summer so bryce and i were basically
18:16stepbrothers except there's no basically about the hate that's why he was standing next to you that
18:21day in the hallway yeah he didn't choose me i didn't choose him but he acts like i personally
18:26ruined his life by existing in his house and being gay makes it worse being gay makes it sexuality
18:32is used omniscient he used to just ignore me cold shoulder whatever i could handle that but once
18:38he figured out i was seeing someone he started making comments in the house at school
18:41testing how far he could push fright snap has he not yet but he's got friends now people who think
18:48it's funny garrett how do you remy told me she saw them together laughing about something after she
18:56confronted bryce of course garrett would love that someone else who wants to make my life hell
19:00perfect match who is garrett to you really he was my best friend since we were 12 he was the
19:08first
19:08person i came out to what happened he told everyone not because he was scared for me or
19:14confused or sting he traded my secret for poppy like it was a baseball card
19:25cute lunch date yesterday very romantic were you following me or do you just not have a life
19:31garrett saw you at the diner holding hands with your little boyfriend like some hallmark movie
19:35and i live with you i eat dinner with your mom you think i enjoy watching her pretend everything's
19:41normal while her son finished that sentence i dare you keep your boyfriend out of my face
19:49or i'll make sure everyone knows exactly what kind of family i got stuck with
19:55are you okay yeah no you're not i'm not going anywhere then don't just stay
20:07no faith switch sides you're here why does it matter where i because jackson rowan are sitting
20:13together and i need a clear line of sight she's been planning this for three days you're terrifying
20:17remi thank you over here sit sit sit so you're the guy who broke jackson's brain guilty he couldn't
20:28form sentences for a solid week it was impressive i'm right here and we're thrilled about it rowan
20:35what do you want to drink jackson likes the vanilla shake but he'll never order it herself two vanilla
20:40shakes then and dream just looks at the teacher and says completely dead ban i think the painting
20:46speaks for itself he didn't the painting did speak for itself can i get you anything else
20:51another shake on the house i'm good thanks he sure we short you've got pie i could bring you a
20:57slice
20:58he's taken got it lucky guy holler if you need the check oh my god did that just happen can
21:05we not
21:05say it again shut up never
21:12rowan garrett didn't know you came here didn't know you worked here you look good man you look
21:20don't
21:25who was that nobody
21:37rowan
21:41talk to me please
21:43seeing him just it pulls everything back like a trap door garrett was the first person i ever told
21:48we were 14 sitting in a stupid video game and i just said it like it was nothing it was
21:52safe
21:52what happened for two weeks nothing he acted totally normal i thought okay this is fine i have
21:57a person then one monday i walked into school and everyone knew everyone he told the entire soccer
22:03team over the weekend turned it into a story made himself the hero yeah he told me it was so
22:08weird i
22:08didn't know what to do that's not he wasn't even cruel about it that's the worst part he wasn't hateful
22:13he just didn't think my life was worth protecting what did you do survived badly i stopped eating lunch
22:19at school wore headphones everywhere became the version of me that need anyone took me a year to
22:23figure out that version was just lonely with better posture he was the first person i trusted
22:28and tonight he's standing 10 feet away plates like none of it happened like i'm just some guy
22:31you're not just some guy i know that now but for a long time i wasn't sure
22:39i'm not going anywhere
22:42he traded your secret like nothing i won't
22:46ever how are you this brave and this shy at the same time honestly no idea ask me again tomorrow
22:52and i'll probably be hiding under my bed thank you
23:05you've been wearing the same three hoodies in rotovation since freshman year
23:08today that ends there's nothing wrong with my hoodies
23:12jackson babe you have a boyfriend now a hot one who looks at you like you hung the moon
23:17the least you can do is retire the hoodie with the bleach stain
23:19this isn't about rowan it's absolutely about ruan and that's okay but it's also about you
23:24when's the last time you looked in a mirror and liked what you saw that's what i thought
23:28come on try this and this and oh absolutely this this isn't me
23:41you alive in there i look ridiculous let me see
23:50jackson what look
23:55maybe thanks for this for all of it really you've been don't you dare get sentimental on me marsh
24:01i'm serious you're always the one holding everyone together who holds you together
24:06fine i'm always fine that's not what i asked ask me again sometime when i'm ready
24:14so you actually know him rowan's whole story i know everything every embarrassing detail every
24:19weakness and you share that because what you're a good citizen because he dropped me like i was
24:24nothing rewrote the whole story so he's the victim and i'm the villain my dad's marrying his
24:27mom next spring i have to live with him i need manageable and i need him to remember that he
24:31doesn't get to raise people then we understand each other
24:36dream stop drawing me my nose isn't that big
24:38i'm drawing the guitar you just happen to be attached to it
24:46so are you guys coming to the dance together or what
24:48yeah we're going as a group we're figuring it out faith asked me by writing it on a pizza box
24:56lid
24:56for the record it was romantic you cried
25:00i had allergies
25:04you okay yeah just thinking
25:14here you looked like you needed a drink that isn't awkwardness
25:19thanks
25:21how do you do it do what just be with dream in front of people like it's nothing
25:31it's not nothing it was terrifying at first i threw up before i held his hand at a football game
25:35seriously in a trash can behind the bleachers very glamorous row being out isn't about bravery
25:39jackson beside you matter that what you feel matters and then doing it scared anyway i want to
25:44be like that i just every time i try i hear her voice telling me i'm wrong she's wrong you
25:48know that
25:48right jason you're a cop fight
25:57you don't have to explain today
25:59i get it it's not you no i need you to actually know when i pulled my hand away in
26:02there it wasn't
26:03because i didn't want to it's because i wanted to so badly it scared me
26:19of the fact that the best night of my life is something i have to hide from my own mother
26:22you don't have to hide from me i know are you ashamed of me i have never been ashamed of
26:26you
26:26and i can't keep pretending it doesn't wreck me when you run you will not see him again you will
26:31not text him you will not so much as look at him in that hallway am i clear this is
26:34a phase jackson
26:35a confused embarrassing phase and when it's over you'll think and i'm done letting that be enough
26:40i've watched you shrink that boy for 17 years it stops now one phone call roll on in that little
26:45world you two built gone you don't know anything about his family you really want to be the thing
26:50that breaks him after everything with my mom with your boyfriend say the word jackson it won't bite
26:56go to the dance with me i'm done hiding you don't get to talk about ruining lives
27:00you wrote the playbook whatever's coming we face it 312 texts 47 calls one number over and over and
27:09over mom i'm not finished he also told me what happened in the hallway yesterday that you kissed a
27:14boy in front of the entire school it's not a phase everything i did was for you everything you
27:19did was for you then maybe i'm not your son i've got a plan what kind of plan
27:29you knocked i left it unlocked for you 10 minutes ago i was starting to think you were standing out
27:34here rehearsing i was only rehearsing for eight of those minutes
27:40it smells like you in here good or bad good like coffee and that detergent you use you can sit
27:47down
27:48the bed doesn't bite
27:51my mom's at bryce's dad place until tomorrow it's just us no one's gonna walk in i know that's sort
27:57of what makes me nervous we don't have to do anything i just wanted you here i wanted to be
28:02here
28:03i've been thinking about it all week oh god oh no no no
28:12hey what time is it it's after seven rowan she called 12 times 12 okay just breathe
28:21we'll figure it out i was supposed to be home i didn't even i don't have a cover story
28:24i don't have anything jackson stop stay for five minutes please i can't you don't know what
28:33she's like when yeah i do you've told me can i ask you something i really have to go
28:41are you ashamed of me what every time we get close really close you bolt you're halfway out
28:47the door before i even my eyes so i need to know is it me rowan that's not because last
28:52night meant
28:52something to me and i can't keep pretending it doesn't wreck me when you run i'm not ashamed
28:57of you i have never been ashamed of you i'm ashamed of me of how scared i am of the
29:02fact
29:03that the best night of my life is something i have to hide from my own mother you don't have
29:06to hide from me i know that's the part that terrifies me
29:20inside now
29:30hang around with some boy
29:34she's asleep
29:36i should have stopped this years ago not you her the way she talks to you the way she's always
29:43talked to you it doesn't matter it matters more than anything i took it from her purse
29:47she'll know let her
29:50you text that boy tell him you're okay and tomorrow things are going to be different in
29:54this house i promise you that your mother loves you she just loves her idea of you more
29:58and i'm done letting that be enough
30:03please just tell me you're safe that's all i need
30:07i'm here she took my phone my dad got it back i'm not giving up on us i'll wait however
30:12long i'll
30:12wait wait
30:15you went behind my back you gave stories not your prisoner i am trying to protect him from
30:20what from being happy from being himself i've watched you shrink that boy for 17 years it stops now
30:35good morning brother
30:37don't call me that
30:38fair enough
30:40let's skip the family stuff and get to business
30:42i know about your boyfriend the quiet one marsh
30:45his name is jackson and i don't care what you know
30:48yeah you will because his mom she cares
30:50a lot
30:52one phone call go on that's all it takes
30:54i tell her what her son's been doing who he's been doing it with and that little world you two
30:58built
30:59gone
30:59you don't know anything about his family
31:02garrett's been real helpful filling in the gaps
31:07controlling mother push over dad kid who can barely breathe in his own house
31:10you really want to be the thing that breaks him
31:15walk away bryce end it or i make the call
31:22you're doing that thing where you pretend a giant poster doesn't exist
31:28i don't know what you're talking about
31:29that one the one you just walked past three times during passing period
31:33i take this route to history
31:36your history class is in the other building
31:39it doesn't matter
31:40after everything with my mom
31:43with your boyfriend
31:43say the word jackson
31:45it won't bite
31:46my boyfriend
31:48see
31:49the ceiling didn't collapsed
31:51must be nice
31:53just
31:53signing up
31:54like it's nothing
31:56so
32:00there's a dance
32:01i've heard rumors
32:03i'm not gonna ask you just so you know
32:06ready to go
32:07yeah let's go
32:13you're not
32:13nope
32:14because if i ask you'll feel pressured
32:16and then you'll say yes because you don't want to hurt me
32:17and then you'll spend the whole week panicking and i'll feel getsy and
32:19rowan
32:21yeah
32:24go to the dance with me
32:26yeah
32:27yeah
32:27i want to
32:43what do you want
32:44heard you're taking my stepbrother to the dance
32:47that's cute
32:47really brave
32:51you know your mom and i had a nice little chat
32:53she's very interested in your social life
32:55stay away from my family
32:57i'm not doing anything just keeping concerned parents informed that's practically community
33:00service
33:03you think you're scaring me
33:05i've lived with someone scarier than you my whole life
33:09saturday night marsh
33:10a lot can happen before saturday night
33:16he's talking to my mom
33:18then we stop hiding
33:20all of it
33:21together
33:28so
33:30saturday
33:30saturday
33:32you still good
33:34i'm terrified
33:35but yeah
33:36i'm good
33:40guess westbridge is doing a freak show theme this year
33:44don't
33:45i wasn't going to
33:47i mean
33:48don't let it in
33:54hey calloway
33:55your boyfriend pick out your outfit
33:56or does he just
33:57pick out your
34:00jackson
34:04hey
34:05it's fine
34:06let's just go to
34:08i'm done hiding
34:13you didn't have to
34:14yeah
34:15i did
34:19show's over
34:20get to class
34:30before you spiral
34:31i brought caffeine and a damage report
34:34how bad
34:35mixed
34:36jenny park told me it was romantic things she's ever seen
34:38kyle brennan called it weird most people generally don't care
34:40and
34:40faith is losing his mind
34:42he's telling everyone who listened that his friend pulled a movie moment
34:44what about bryce
34:45haven't seen him yet
34:46but jacson
34:47you kissed a boy in front of 200 people
34:49that's not something you can undo
34:50and you shouldn't want to
34:53i don't want to underdo it
34:56morning
34:58morning
35:07quite a show yesterday
35:08don't have time for this garrett
35:10you really tanked your life for that kid
35:12he can barely string a sentence together
35:14you don't get to talk about ruining lives
35:16you wrote the playbook
35:17that was years ago
35:18i was
35:18you were my best friend
35:19and you sold me out for a seat at the popular table
35:22so whatever you and bryce are cooking up
35:24i already survived the worst thing a friend can do to me
35:26you did it
35:26i'm trying to warn you
35:28bryce called someone
35:29jackson's mother
35:30a couple days ago
35:31thought you should know
35:35what happened
35:36garrett told me
35:37bryce called your mother
35:38before the kiss
35:39maybe monday
35:40maybe tuesday
35:41she knows jackson
35:42she's known
35:44she hasn't said anything
35:45that scares me more
35:47yeah
35:48me too
35:48whatever's coming
35:50we face it
35:50okay
35:52okay
36:03dad
36:04i'm home
36:08sit down
36:09you tell me
36:10i got a very interesting phone call this week
36:12from a boy named bryce
36:14he told me something i didn't believe
36:16so i pulled the records myself
36:21312 texts
36:2247 calls
36:23one number
36:24over and over and over
36:26mom
36:27i'm not finished
36:27he also told me what happened in the hallway yesterday
36:30that you kissed a boy
36:32in front of the entire school
36:35so i'll ask you once
36:38is it true
36:41yes
36:42it's a phase
36:43you're 17
36:44you don't know what you
36:47it's not a phase
36:48you don't get to tell me what it is
36:49i have watched you your entire life
36:51i know you better than you know yourself
36:53his name is rowan
36:54and he didn't take advantage of anything
36:56you think this is brave
36:58humiliating this family in front of your entire school
37:00i wasn't thinking about this family
37:02i was thinking about him
37:03then you've made your priorities very clear
37:06i carried you for nine months
37:08i dressed you
37:09fed you
37:10drove you to every appointment
37:12when you couldn't even look a stranger in the eye
37:14i built a life around protecting you
37:16and this is what you do with it
37:21protecting me
37:23you were suffocating me
37:25everything i did was for you
37:28everything you did was for you
37:30for how it looked
37:31for what the neighbors would think
37:35you will end this
37:36tonight
37:38you will text that boy
37:39and tell him it's over
37:41and we will never speak of this again
37:44then maybe i'm not your son
38:06anything
38:08three days
38:0947 messages
38:11nothing
38:12his mom took his phone
38:14that's all this is
38:18you don't know that
38:19yeah i do
38:20because i know jackson
38:22and i know his mother
38:23what if she's
38:25what if he's just sitting in that house alone and i can't
38:27then we don't sit here feeling sorry about it
38:30i've got a plan
38:33what kind of plan
38:38she took everything
38:39i can't leave
38:41i can't call anyone
38:42i should have done something years ago
38:44that was the biggest lie i ever told myself
38:46i'm going to fix this jackson
38:47i need you to hang on a little longer
38:49the way you've turned his bedroom into a cell
38:51you're not protecting him
38:52you're erasing him
38:53that boy is the first person who's made jackson smile in years
38:57what will people say have you thought about that the neighbors the school our family
39:01i care that my son cries behind a locked door every night and thinks no one here
39:04i owe you an apology for every night before it
39:06i watched her chip away at you for years
39:08it makes me feel like i'm allowed to take up space
39:10you're my son
39:11nothing changes that
39:12nothing
39:12hey what
39:14he chose me rohan
39:15thank you for making him brave
39:17don't ever go dark on me like that again
39:19i won't
39:20and i spent 17 years trying to be small enough to fit inside whatever you needed me to be
39:23everything i did was to protect you the world is cruel who are different i was trying to spare you
39:28you weren't sparing me
39:29you were sparing yourself
39:30that's not
39:31and he didn't teach me what love looks like
39:33he taught me what it feels like to be seen
39:35where i'm gay and i'm scared sometime i'm in love that's the whole thing
39:38that's your son
39:39have the best night of your life
39:40you've earned it
39:41thank you for texting first
39:42thank you for walking into that cafe
39:44i like you shy
39:45i like you brave
39:46i like you
39:47every way you come
39:47turns out the loudest thing i ever did
39:49was let someone love me
39:51the old-fashioned kind
39:53his bedroom window faces the back garden
39:54the trellis holds weight
39:55i've tested it
39:58you've tested it
39:59sophomore year
40:00long story
40:01you in or not
40:05that one
40:05tap twice
40:06pause
40:07tap three times
40:08he'll know it's not her
40:10how will he know
40:13because she'd never knock
40:24are you okay
40:27you shouldn't be here
40:31that's not what i asked
40:32she took everything
40:33i can't leave
40:35i can't call anyone
40:37you can hear me right now
40:40that's enough for tonight
40:41go
40:42now
40:50i heard you
40:51earlier
40:52at the window
40:55i'm not going
40:57to tell her
40:58i should have done something years ago
41:00i kept thinking
41:01if i just keep the peace
41:02you'd be okay
41:03that was the biggest lie
41:04i ever told myself
41:06i'm going to fix this jackson
41:08i need you to hang on
41:09a little longer
41:11dad
41:14i'm right here
41:15where amy
41:22it stops tonight
41:23what stops oberon
41:25you'll have to be specific
41:26you're usually so vague
41:28about everything
41:29the monitoring
41:29the isolation
41:30the way you've turned his bedroom
41:31into a cell
41:32all of it
41:33i'm protecting our son
41:34something you've never had the spine to do
41:37you're not protecting him
41:38you're erasing him
41:39there's a difference
41:40and you know it
41:41he's 17
41:42he doesn't know what he wants
41:43he's confused
41:44and that boy
41:44that boy is the reason
41:46that boy
41:46is the first person
41:47who's made jackson smile in years
41:50you're letting him ruin his life
41:52because you're too weak to say no
41:53i watched him shrink
41:54every single day
41:55a little smaller
41:56and i told myself he meant well
41:57i was wrong
41:58gave up my career
41:59everything i've done
42:00the structure
42:01the discipline
42:02it was for him
42:03what will people say
42:04have you thought about that
42:05the neighbors
42:05the school
42:06our families
42:07i don't care what people say
42:08i care that my son cries behind a locked door every night
42:11and thinks no one hears
42:18you'll regret this
42:19i already regret plenty
42:21this won't be one of them
42:32i'm sorry it took me so long
42:43she's really gone
42:44yeah
42:45sit down jackson
42:49i owe you an apology
42:50not for last night
42:52for every night before it
42:53i watched her chip away at you for years
42:55i told myself it was just how she was
42:57i thought you didn't see it
42:59i saw everything
43:00i just didn't have the guts to stop it
43:02so tell me
43:04from the beginning
43:05tell me about him
43:09his name is rowan
43:11he works at a cafe downtown
43:13he
43:14he wrote his number on my receipt the first time i walked in
43:17i almost
43:17threw it away
43:18i was so scared
43:20but you didn't
43:21no
43:23and then he texted me first
43:24because i was too chicken to do it myself
43:25he's kind dad
43:26he's patient
43:27he makes me feel like i'm allowed to take up space
43:29he told me he'd been watching me at school for months
43:32too scared to talk to me
43:33this guy who seems like he's afraid of nothing
43:35he was terrified of me
43:36sounds like you're both braver than you think
43:41mom called it a sickness
43:44your mother is wrong
43:45about this about a lot of things
43:47you're my son
43:49nothing changes that
43:50nothing
43:57hey
43:58i'm okay
44:00my dad
44:01he made her leave
44:02he what
44:03he chose me rowan
44:06come
44:07i want you to meet him
44:09for real this time
44:11can you come over
44:12i'm already grabbing my keys
44:30you must be rowan
44:32yes sir
44:33i
44:33these are
44:35i didn't know what to bring
44:36come in
44:36he's been pacing a hole in the floor
44:38waiting for you
44:40rowan
44:42thank you for making him brave
44:52don't ever go dark on me like that again
44:54i won't
44:56i promise
44:56my dad wants to meet you
44:58like properly
44:59i think he just did
45:01i almost cried
45:02and you lost eating your doorway
45:04that would have been a strong first impression
45:05i brought gas station flowers
45:07i think the bar's already low
45:14so rowan
45:15jackson tells me you work at a cafe
45:17yes sir
45:18the copper kettle over on birch street
45:21good coffee
45:22terrible honestly
45:23but the company's worth it
45:26i'll have to come by sometime
45:32if you ever scare me like that again
45:33i will kill you myself
45:35she's been like this since the car
45:39glad you're okay man
45:40for the record
45:41i always said you two were inevitable
45:43she literally did
45:45it was annoying
45:51anyone hungry
45:54this is it
46:06i'm here for my things
46:07oberon said three o'clock
46:09i know
46:10he's at work
46:11he asked me to be here
46:13mom
46:14i want to talk to you before you go upstairs
46:15i'm here for clothes jackson
46:18not a conversation
46:18i know
46:19but i need you to hear me
46:20once
46:21and then you can pack whatever you want
46:26you have something to say
46:28say it
46:29i love you
46:30and i spent 17 years
46:31trying to be small enough
46:32to fit inside
46:32whatever you needed me to be
46:33i never asked you to be invisible
46:35i asked
46:35presentable
46:36appropriate
46:37normal
46:37i know
46:38i memorized the words
46:41everything i did was to protect you
46:43the world is cruel
46:44who are different
46:44i was trying to spare you
46:45you weren't sparing me
46:47you were sparing yourself
46:48that's not
46:50fair
46:50maybe not
46:53but it's true
46:55i carried you
46:56i fed you
46:57i fed you
46:57when you were sick
46:58i sat up with you every night
46:59i chose every friend
47:00every shirt
47:01every word i was allowed to say at dinner
47:02you chose everything
47:04and i because i thought that's what love
47:06and now what does love look like now
47:07some boy from a coffee shop jackson
47:08his name is rowan
47:10and he didn't teach me what love looks like
47:12he taught me what it feels like to be seen
47:15you're killing me
47:16no mom
47:17i'm just not shrinking anymore
47:20i want you in my life
47:22but not the version of your life
47:23where i don't exist
47:23the real one
47:24where i'm gay
47:25and i'm scared
47:26sometime i'm in love
47:27that's the whole thing
47:27that's your son
47:29i need time
47:31i know
47:32the black tie
47:33for the dance
47:34it brings out your eyes
47:37thanks mom
47:46how'd it go
47:47i told her everything
47:49and
47:50said she needs time
47:51and she told me which tie to wear saturday
47:53that's something
47:54yeah
47:54that's something
48:05you look
48:06you look like someone i'm really proud of
48:08does this work
48:09rimi said navy
48:10but i don't
48:13it works
48:15your mother used to fix my tie before every event
48:17i never learned to do it myself
48:20i'm learning a lot of things myself these days
48:23have the best night of your life
48:24you've earned it
48:26thank you
48:28for everything
48:29that's what i'm here for
48:32always was
48:32just took me too long to prove it
48:38yeah
48:45wow
48:47stop
48:49good
48:49me too
48:57everyone's gonna stare
48:59let them
49:07finally
49:09hey
49:10hey
49:10looking sharp marsh
49:15i'm memorizing this for later
49:17i need a photo
49:1817 photos
49:19you owe me this
49:31dance with me
49:34i can't dance
49:36neither can i
49:37that's the whole point
49:40thank you for texting first
49:42thank you for walking into that cafe
49:44i almost didn't
49:46i know
49:49i watched you stand outside for 10 minutes
49:50i'm not shy anymore
49:53yeah you are
49:53that's okay
49:55i like you shy
49:56i like you brave
49:57i like you
49:57every way you come
50:02i spent my whole life being quiet
50:04turns out the loudest thing i ever did
50:06was let someone love me
50:10stand up straight
50:11you look like you're apologizing for existing
50:14the vanilla oat latte is pretty unbeatable
50:15the second one
50:16vanilla oat latte
50:17for the guy in the corner
50:19thanks
50:19i'm rowan by the way
50:20in case you come back
50:21a guy at a cafe gave you his number
50:23and you're sitting here eating a sad sandwich
50:25instead of texting him
50:26i forgot how my face worked
50:28you're cute when you blush
50:29you know that
50:30you're the easiest part of my week jackson
50:33jackson i'm gay
50:34that's the first time i've ever
50:35god
50:36you felt like a place i needed to escape from
50:38it's perfect
50:39go with me
50:39saturday
50:40next week
50:41like a
50:42date
50:42family has obligation at jackson
50:44you don't get to drift off
50:45whenever you feel like social
50:46for once in your
50:47he's
50:47the first person who ever made me feel like i wasn't
50:50too much
50:51or too little
50:52just
50:53enough
50:53i've never done this before
50:55gone to the movies
50:56i'm really glad you came
50:58can i
50:58whatever happens
50:59tonight was real
51:00you vanished for six hours
51:02and i specifically told you we had plans
51:04and you're sorry
51:04i wanted to be the person you had nowhere else to be with
51:06you're scared to talk to me
51:07being gay makes it sexuality
51:09is used omniscient
51:10he traded my secret for poppy like it was a baseball card
51:12keep your boyfriend out of my face
51:15or i'll make sure everyone knows exactly what kind of family i got stuck with
51:18i'm not going anywhere
51:19he traded your secret like nothing i won't
51:21ever
51:22are you ashamed of me
51:23i have never been ashamed of you
51:25i'm ashamed of me of how scared i am
51:26of the fact that the best night of my life is something i have to hide from my own mother
51:29you will not see him again
51:30you will not text him
51:31am i clear
51:32this is a phase jackson
51:33a confused embarrassing phase
51:35and i'm done letting that be enough
51:37because his mom she cares
51:38a lot
51:40one phone call go on
51:41been doing it with
51:42and that little world you two built
51:43gone
51:44go to the dance with me
51:45i'm done hiding
51:46he also told me what happened in the hallway yesterday
51:48that you kissed a boy
51:49in front of the entire school
51:51it's not a phase
51:52protecting me
51:54you were suffocating me
51:56everything you did was for you
51:57she took everything
51:58i can't leave
52:00you're not protecting him
52:01you're erasing him
52:02there's a difference
52:03and you know it
52:04he's confused
52:05and that boy
52:05that boy is the reason
52:07that boy is the first person
52:08who's made jackson smile in years
52:10and that boy is the first person
52:11m
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