00:00My grandmother had gifted, I think, I guess it was my dad, with like a body massager, like for his
00:06shoulder.
00:07And I was trying it one day, and then I started playing with it, and I put it in my
00:13pants.
00:13And then it was time to go to college, and I took it with me.
00:16I lived in a suite with like three other girls, and I came back from class one day,
00:22and they were like sitting there watching TV, and I had left it on my bed, and one of them
00:26was just like using it,
00:27and they were all using it as a body massager.
00:30And I couldn't tell them that I had been using it to masturbate, because I was embarrassed.
00:35So I just let them play with it forever for the rest of the year, and then it became, you
00:40know, the dorm room's body massager,
00:42after it had been like my little naughty secret vagina massager.
00:47So the massaging wand went from an as-seen-on-TV ad, to my grandmother, to my dad, to me,
00:56to my vagina,
00:57to college, to four roommates, plus friends that would come over, plus maybe even my roommates figured out another use
01:04for it,
01:05and it was also their little personal massager for their vagina, which makes me feel very uncomfortable now that I
01:11think about it.
01:12But you know what? Great deal. We all got something out of it, so you're all welcome.
01:18I'm going to tell them now that I used it for that, and I bet you they're all going to
01:21say, me too!
01:22So I was in seventh grade, and there was this boy who I really liked, and he was like my
01:27friend,
01:28and then he and I were having phone sex when I was visiting my grandma in Florida with my mom.
01:34So then I wrote about it in my diary, and then I left the diary at my grandma's under the
01:41bed.
01:41So then my mom goes back to Florida, and finds it, and reads it, and then calls me from Florida
01:47at a different time,
01:48and is like, what the fuck is this? And I was like, I'm 12. I don't know.
01:53I was young. I was like early teen, living with my parents still.
01:58I was in my bedroom. The door was closed, and let's say I was not doing the regular, typical fingering
02:06thing.
02:07So I was on a chair with a pillow, and I was grinding that pillow, and I was looking at
02:17myself in the mirror while doing it,
02:20and the mirror was right there, and my door just opened, and it was my mom.
02:27And she was like, and we both had that face, and I was like, holy shit.
02:33I just, it's not a position where you can just put the blanket on.
02:36Like, it was just so obvious there, and I think my mom was very shocked.
02:41I was basically facing her, so that was quite awkward.
02:44I was getting down to business one wistful afternoon, and I had left my door open to my room in
02:55my apartment,
02:56and I live with two wonderful kittens, and I was just in the zone, going to town,
03:05and then all of a sudden, I felt this horrific pain on my vagina, and my cat had jumped on
03:16top of my vagina,
03:17and attacked my hand underneath the covers, and it was like cat-on-cat crime, you know what I mean?
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