00:00I was home for the first day of school this year.
00:03I took our youngest.
00:05He's in PK, pre-kindergarten.
00:07I go to pull out and the teacher comes up to me.
00:10She goes, can you come in?
00:11I go, no.
00:14I graduated a long time ago.
00:16I don't have to do anything.
00:18She goes, all the parents are in there.
00:20I go, even more reason why I don't want to come in.
00:23She goes, we're talking to the kids about COVID.
00:26I go, trifecta.
00:27I'm not coming in.
00:32She goes, we have a bunch of snacks.
00:34And I was like, all right, I'll see what you got.
00:37I go in there.
00:39She lied.
00:41Well, it's not parents, it's dads.
00:43They lured us with food.
00:44It's a bunch of fat dads shoveling food in their faces.
00:49We're going to talk to pre-kindergarteners, let me remind you, about COVID.
00:54These are three- and four-year-olds who say shit like, I like yellow.
01:01And we're going to be like, there's a virus that has ruined the economy.
01:07All right, get out of here.
01:13So she's like, who wants to go first?
01:15And I was like, hell no.
01:16I stood back, and this fucking d***o in boat shoes, he's like, I'll go.
01:24He goes, I learned that every day matters.
01:28And I was like, all right.
01:31Good one, dork.
01:33And then the next dad, he goes, I learned that you never know what tomorrow might bring.
01:41I looked for his kid.
01:42I was like, is that your dad?
01:46And then I found my kid.
01:48I was like, don't play with that kid.
01:49You know?
01:49Oh, you know?
01:50Oh, you know.
